It Wasn't Anything

Chapter 7

Demons and Mother

Roy sauntered into the building housing his office. He felt relieved, now he’d come clean with Maes’ memory. Now he could focus on capturing and destroying the homunculus Edward and his brother had made in their failed attempt to transmutate their mother. He was also looking forward to an intimate evening with Ed. The young man didn’t know it yet, but Roy wanted to disclose his newly discovered love in a special way. Not something cheesy, that wasn’t his style. Just something special only Ed would understand.

As he approached his office door, he saw Havoc, Fuery, and Hawkeye standing in the entrance appearing rather anxious. Havoc couldn’t quite seem to meet his gaze and Hawkeye looked like she was holding a pity party. He felt trepidation as he approached the pathetic crowd. “Okay, what happened now?” He didn't want whatever it was to dampen his good mood.

“I’m sorry Colonel,” Fuery said, flinching.

Roy looked at him quizzically. "For what?"

“Colonel, apparently Fullmetal was in the library this morning and overheard Havoc and Fuery discussing Sloth,” Riza Hawkeye said, turning her gaze to the guilty pair.

Both Havoc and Fuery lowered their heads.

“They told him where she was,” Riza said, with hesitation.

Roy’s carefree demeanor changed drastically. His gloved hands turned into fists, shaking. When Riza tried to resume her dialog, Roy's jaw clenched tight

“I’m sorry, Roy. We don’t know where he is at the moment.” Riza reached out a hand to Roy's arm and squeezed in a gesture of sympathy.

“I’ll find him.” Roy's voice resounded in determination. His anger and fear was so all encompassing he had to fight to keep from snapping his fingers and igniting Havoc and Fuery. He kept telling himself lighting them up wouldn’t change anything. Ed would still be out there searching for his imposter mother. “Hawkeye, take charge.” Roy turned to leave.

“But someone should go with you, Sir,” Riza said.

Roy was already a few steps away. “No. I have to do this alone.”

xxx

Ed sat on the Ishbal-bound train gazing forlornly out the window. Letting out a heavy sigh, he waited for his demons to cradle him. He hadn't had time to find Al before he left. He didn’t really want to tell Al about the woman in Ishbal anyway. No, it was better he went by himself and saw first hand what or who she was before he let Al in on the secret. Another secret to keep from his brother, when would it end? Now he’d started lying to him, it was hard to stop. Well, was it really a lie if he just withheld the truth? Of course it was, Edward, you know better than that.

What about Mustang? Ed was surprised to realize he’d actually spent an hour or so not thinking about him for a change. Now he had hours to rehash every word spoken, every kiss, every way his heart was trampled on. The knot in his chest squeezed. He had to control the urge to break down. There were other people around and he was already contemptible enough.

He leaned back in his seat, head tilting backward, and wrapped his flesh hand around his forehead, blanketing his vision in darkness and hiding the excess liquid in his eyes. “Mustang,” he whispered. He'd allowed himself to say his name out loud, but not the fond first name he’d recently started to identify him with.

The ride turned into a careening downward spiral, as Ed’s demon voice came out in full force.

So, Mustang just wanted sex and you had to make it into something more than it was. He could never love you. No one could ever love you, not even your father. Even Al has deserted you. He didn’t even wait for you to get home today. Did you hear the word they used for you Edward? Did you hear what you are? You like sticking it to the Colonel, don’t you? In fact, you're getting hard thinking about it right now, aren’t you?

Ed squirmed in his seat. He felt heat growing between his legs, the kind that couldn’t readily be ignored.

You ought to go take care of that, before you make a bigger fool of yourself in front of all these people.

Images of the previous nights encounter flooded his mind. He couldn’t control it. He could almost feel what it was like to be inside his lover. He had to satiate the addiction the demon aroused.

Rising from his seat, Ed took a moment to steady himself. He clutched his red robe tight around him so his lower half was sufficiently covered. His breathing became labored as he made his way to the restroom. By the time he got there and locked himself into the one-person room, his whole body was on fire with persistent humming in anticipation.

Now panting, he rushed to remove his belt and open his pants. He spit quickly in his hand and slid down to the floor, stroking hard on himself. Frantic moans came out of him as the itch was scratched. In his mind’s eye, he was back in his favorite place, between his lover’s legs. He wasn’t stroking himself. It was Roy he pleasured. He heard Roy’s soft begging and it drove his eruption of his climax to new heights. He wriggled on the floor with the intensity, eyes shut tight, falling sideways. When it was over, he licked sticky fingers, trying to remember what his lover tasted like.

As he lay on the floor, it no longer occurred to him how it must look. His pride had evaporated along with his desire. He wanted to be back in Roy’s warm soft bed, in his arms. He needed him. How was he going to face this creature who bore resemblance to his mother alone, the creature he’d created?

Curling up, he wrapped his arms around his legs. Suddenly, all he saw was red, blood red. His psyche was mortally wounded, bleeding internally. He started to laugh, though he wasn’t happy. What a moron, he thought, to be laying on this cold filthy floor, just a boy and his demon. Tears pushed through and rolled down his cheeks as the laughter quieted. He listened to the sound of the train's wheels clacking on its tracks. His mind was finally quieted and his eyes closed.

xxx

Ed stood between empty tables at the French restaurant. He was confused.

Roy Mustang was sitting at their table with Maes Hughes.

Why was he here, Ed wondered? Roy was supposed to be with him now.

Roy and Meas were laughing, sharing a bottle of wine.

Ed walked up to the couple and stood at the edge of the table. Surely Roy would notice him and say something, he thought. But they kept on talking to one another, acting like he didn’t exist. He watched as Roy reached across the table to take the hand Meas rested there.

"Meas, I love you, so much," Roy said, smiling.

“What about me? Huh, Roy?” Ed screamed.

Roy continued to smile at Maes.

"Roy? Look at me. Roy?" Ed slammed his fists on the table. Wine splashed out of the glasses. The wine bottle swayed uncertainly. Ed pushed his face directly into Roy’s.

Roy looked right passed Ed, still smiling at Maes.

“Goddamn-it, Roy, he’s dead. He’s dead, don’t you see that?” Ed screamed as his fists pounded on the table, over and over. The wine glasses tipped. Red liquid made grotesque designs on the white pristine tablecloth.

The pounding of fists on the table echoed in Edward's head when his eyes opened. Then he heard it again, louder, insistent.

“Hey, are you okay in there?” a man said from the other side of the restroom door.

Ed lifted his head and looked around. He was still on the floor of the restroom. Raising his body up to sitting, he brushed his flesh hand through his long bangs. He winced as he remembered what he did. His lap was still faintly sticky and his pants were still undone. How could he just fall asleep like that? He knew he didn’t get much sleep last night, but come on. How was he going to face a homunculus when he couldn’t even stay awake?

“Okay, we’re coming in,” the man shouted.

Ed’s train of thought shattered. He couldn’t let anyone see him like this. “No! No don’t come in, I-I’m fine. I’ll be right out, just, just give me a second.” He quickly stood, cleaned himself off, and refastened his pants and belt. Standing at the door, he did his best to appear normal before he opened it.

Ed opened the door and stepped out to the surprised conductor and various fellow riders. “Sorry, I got a little sick, but I’m okay now.” He rubbed a hand over his stomach.

He made his way back to his seat and plopped down with a heavy sigh. He leaned his head to the side against the window, letting it bump his temple. Staring at the empty seat in front of him, he felt horribly lonely. His dream was still vivid. It clarified for him exactly how he felt with Mustang. He was so insignificant. He couldn’t even get him to hear his voice. Mustang had never answered his question last night, did he? He just skirted around it, saying all kinds of nice things, not the words he needed to hear. Because it wasn’t true, Mustang didn’t love him. Sadness left him. He was only numb. His feelings didn’t exist, just like he didn’t exist in Mustang’s eyes.

-O-

Roy peered out the window of his car as it sped across the countryside. The sun was hanging low in the sky. It seemed like he’d been sitting in the back seat of his car for years. He glanced quickly at the seat beside him, remembering the night he and Ed enjoyed each other there. It seemed like it was so long ago. He hoped he could get to Ishbal ahead of Ed. Hoped he could spare the young man the pain of seeing the homunculus he’d created. What would she do if she found him, Roy wondered? If she rejected him, how would Ed react?

Roy realized he was chewing a nail down to the quick as his mind raced to keep up to its own images. Images of his lover defeated and bloodied, of him dying. The last vision made him wince. No, he wouldn’t let that happen ever again to someone he loved. And he did love Edward Elric, fiercely. “Hold on, Ed, I’m almost there,” he whispered.

-O-

The train pulled up to the Ishbal station and hissed to a stop. Ed was fast asleep again. His head was still resting against the window. He felt a hand shake his shoulder. “Roy?” His eyes fluttered open. A tall blonde woman with large blue eyes stood in front of him. She smiled at him before turning her attentions to two small boys trying to run ahead of her. Ed licked his lips and looked out the glass. He read the sign just outside his window. "Ishbal Station."

Unease almost overwhelmed him as he got up from his seat. His knees practically knocked together as he started down the aisle, they shook so much. He breathed in deep and tried counting to ten, fondly remembering his mother telling him to do that as a child when he was upset. His mother. Would the homunculus have memories of him and Al, their home, of his father? It was almost dinnertime and he felt hunger gnawing at him even through his anxiousness. It was time to see her.

xxx

Ed stood in front of the Dubliner. It wasn’t hard to find. He’d just had to ask a local and they’d given him directions. He looked up, breathed, and counted once again before he entered the establishment.

His eyes darted around the dark restaurant as he waited for a table to clear. The walls were covered with wood paneling and an ancient wooden bar with intricate carvings sat in the center of the room. The scent of cooking, beer, and cigarettes floated around him.

A thin, balding man walked up to Ed. "How many?"

Ed gulped hard. "Uh, one."

"Follow me." The man showed Ed to a table close to the bar. "Can I get you something to drink?"

"Um, yeah, how about a beer?" Ed sat at the table, taking a menu as it was handed to him. When he held the menu up to his face, he noticed how much it shook. The beer couldn’t get here quick enough, as far as he was concerned.

Soon, the host returned with the beer. He sat it down in front of Ed and silently walked off.

Ed lifted the mug to his lips and started gulping like he’d just walked in from the other side of the desert. He kept his focus on the room, surveying the appearance of every waitress, bartender, and busser, excited and scared to death to see his mother’s features on one of them. He set the almost empty beer back down and started to relax. Maybe she wasn’t here tonight, he wondered. Or, maybe the military was mistaken.

“Can I take your order?” a woman’s voice asked, hauntingly familiar.

Ed looked up and stared into the face of the woman he hadn’t seen since he was a child. His eyes grew wide and his mouth hung open in shock.

“Can I take your order? Are you deaf?” Sloth was irritated by his lack of response to the question. “Can’t you see I’m a little busy here?”

“Uh, uh, y-yes, um, I’ll have the, the, the sausage and, and, and the rice.” He watched, speechless, as she ripped the menu from his grasp and left for the kitchen. As the metal doors swung behind her, Ed slumped over in his chair. She looked so real, but she had to be a homunculus, right? His mind went over all the possibilities and information he knew about the creature she was.

So, the being Ed saw in the circle the night he almost lost Al survived. He wondered how in the world she ended up working in a restaurant in Ishbal? And why did she show up now, after all these years? A plate of food was set down on the table in front of him. He looked up at the brown hair and large eyes, trying not to stare again.

“Do you want another beer?” she asked.

Ed nodded. He watched as she turned to leave again.

Hesitating, she came back and faced him. “Do I know you? You look so familiar.” She appeared puzzled.

“I-I do?” Hope stung his heart. Maybe somehow she’d come back unblemished, not like the others.

“Yeah, I’m sure I’ve seen you somewhere before. Do you come in here a lot?”

“Uh, no. I don’t actually live here. I-I live in Central. B-but I’m from Resembool.” He wanted to see if the name jogged her memories.

“Really? So am I. We must have seen each other there, except, except I don’t really remember all that much from Resembool.” Her eyes glazed over for a moment. “No bother, we should talk when I’m done here, if you can stick around, seeing as how we’re both from the same town.”

Ed’s eyes filled with tears. She was so nice to him. Her mannerisms matched his mother’s perfectly. It was like she really was back from the grave. “Yes, of course, I can wait.” He struggled to keep the tears at bay.

"Oh, well, good." She trotted off.

As soon as she left, Ed felt his anger emerge. That bastard Mustang, what right did he have to keep this from me? What was he going to do anyway, just kill her before I found out? He seethed. It became a convenient feeling to use to mask the pain and betrayal he actually felt.

After getting his food, Ed started eating, watching the woman move around the floor of the pub as she worked. She seemed happy enough, not evil or devious at all. She even seemed to know a few of the customers fairly well. When she dropped off his second and even third beer, she’d smiled at him. Ed remembered back to when he was a child and his mother served him and Al dinner in their home. She always had that same smile on her face. Ed sat for an hour or so, waiting patiently as patrons finished their meals and left.

Finally, Sloth came and sat down at Ed’s table. She’d brought him a fourth beer, without him requesting it. She rested her chin on the back of her hands as she gazed at him. “This one’s on me. So, what’s your name?”

The numerous beers and seeing his mother sitting across the table made Ed almost giddy. “Edward, uh, Edward Elric.” He grinned at her and grabbing the beer mug. As he took a gulp, he saw Sloth’s face grow dim. He set the beer back down and waited while she seemed to process something.

“E-Edward, I know that name, it was the name of my . . . ” Her eyes locked on to Edward's. “I-I had children once, I think. One of them was named, was named . . . " Her eyes filled with tears.

In a flash, Ed rose up from the table and rushed to kneel down in front of her.

She turned to face him.

Ed clutched her hands, gazing up at her. “Mother?” All his hopes and dreams hinged on that one word.

“Edward? Edward.” A faint smiled curled her lips.

Ed couldn’t hold back. He didn’t care if she was a homunculus. She remembered him. Some piece of his mother was still alive in this creature and it nourished a hunger in him. Head falling down to her lap, he started to weep. He didn’t care who saw him. This was beyond his control. He felt her warm hands loosen from his grip and touch the back of his head, caressing him.

She bent over to his ear and whispered, “it’s okay, honey, I’m here now. It’ll be all right.”

It was the exact words she used to tell him when he was young and he’d cried. Ed’s sobs came heavier as he tried to speak. His mind only saw, heard, and felt his mother. “I, I, missed, you, so much.” His voice was choked.

She gently removed him from her lap and stood up, helping him to his feet. Holding him a loving embrace, she rocked him back and forth. “Shh…” She ran a hand up and down his back, soothing him.

He was lost in her arms. It felt so real. Even when his sobs quieted, he remained there, enraptured by everything she signified to him. He could smell her hair. The scent was even familiar and calming.

Sloth looked passed Ed’s golden locks at the man behind the bar and gave a barely noticeable nod. An evil grin spread across her face.