A Cost Too High

Chapter Seven



The next morning Riza woke to the gentle chime of the door bell and Black Hyate’s paws at her cheeks. “I know,” she told the dog with a yawn and sat up. She was quick about getting dressed and even quicker to the door as the second ding dong came.



When she opened the front door, a dark, cloudy morning threatening rain and Lt. Havoc and greeted her.



“Good morning,” She said quietly.



“Morning, how are they?” He asked as she stepped aside and let him in.



“Sleeping I suspect. I haven’t heard a word from either of them since last night. Roy had a nightmare and tore a few stitches.” She replied as he removed his muddy boots by the door. He was dressed in a black t-shirt and brown pants and carried the morning paper.



“The others are planning to come over but wanted to make sure it was alright with you first. Have you told him anything?” Havoc asked as she closed the front door.



“No and I would appreciate it if you hid that news paper.” She said motioning for him to follow her into the kitchen.



“That’s why I brought it in. I figured he’d talk Ed into going to pick it off the lawn for him but I didn’t want to throw it away in case you wanted to see it.”



Riza nodded and took it from his hands and hid it in the oven. “Since Roy can’t get up except to go to the bathroom and Ed isn’t likely to snoop too much in the kitchen, this should do for now. Have you eaten?”



“Nope, figured I could get you to feed me too.” He said with a grin.



Riza smiled, “Of course. And we can tell everyone to come by once we see how the invalids are today. Just make sure you tell them not to say a word. Ed and Roy have enough to deal with at the moment.”



“I’ll pass that along. So what are you making?” Havoc nodded and craned his head as she went to the refrigerator. “We know what the General likes for breakfast but Ed… I don’t think I’ve ever seen him eat breakfast.”



“I’m sure he’ll eat anything we put in front of him if he’s hungry. Then again if he isn’t he’ll eat it anyway. I won’t have him starving himself.”



“How is he doing, staying here with the General?” Havoc asked quietly. “Are things going alright?”



Riza nodded, “Eerily so. I think it might actually be for the best, for the both of them. I was worried in the beginning but now… Edward was the one to pull Roy from his nightmare.”



“Hm, that’s interesting.”



When Riza had finished making a small but well rounded breakfast of scrambled eggs, bacon, toast, and orange juice, she and Havoc headed to Roy’s room. What they found when they got there was alarming. Edward lay in Roy’s arms, Ed’s head on Roy’s chest like they were lovers. In fact Ed’s shirt was gone and his hair splayed across the pillow and Roy’s shoulder.



“Well, that’s not something I expected.” Havoc murmured.



Riza might have baulked at the inappropriateness of it but she held her tongue. After all, if Edward had wandered in of his own volition in the night and the General had been awakened and stayed awake enough to listen to whatever Edward had said or confessed and then been of some comfort to the boy… well, then, who was she to utter a word. There was, of course, a twinge of jealousy within her that the two of them had found comfort and perhaps confided in each other instead of her but she pushed it down. Eventually she would know what had happened to the both of them and until then she would continue to care for them as she had been.



Clearing her throat, she entered the room. Livi, Roy’s cat trotted in after her and beat her to the bed. When the kitten curled up on Roy’s chest and Ed’s hand she told the kitten that she wasn’t helping and only got a yawn in response.



“General,” Riza said ignoring the cat and gently shaking Roy’s shoulder, “General, Jean is here and breakfast is ready.”



*



There was blood in his dream again but beyond that he could make out very little. Off and on he whimpered through the night but found something warm to chase away the real terror. It wasn’t until he became aware of sounds and of Riza’s voice, that he allowed his lashes to flutter open and closed. At first he was at a loss as to where he was, for he assumed he was in the hospital once again, and then he thought perhaps he was in the guest room at the Mustang home. However, after sleepily nuzzling into the soft warm as he woke himself the rest of the way, he realized he was not just in the Mustang home, but in Mustang’s bed. And holding onto him!



In a flurry of motion he fought with limbs and blankets until he managed to slip away from Roy’s embrace. Almost angrily he tore at the bed sheets until he found his shirt and yanked it down over his torso.



“Edward, calm down, everything’s alright.” Riza spoke gently but commandingly.



“No! It’s not alright.” He huffed. Not able to look the First Lieutenant in the eye, he charged, barefooted, past her and then past Havoc.



“Edward! Come on! There’s breakfast!” Jean called.



“I’m not hungry!” Ed growled and raced onward until he came to the front door. The hinges squealed as he opened it and he supposed they must have thought that he was making a break for it. Presently Havoc came around the corner in fast pursuit. But really he needn’t be so dramatic. The second Edward stepped outside he plopped down on the front steps wearing an expression of doom upon his face.



“Ed!” Havoc called and then his footsteps paused. Edward could just imagine the puzzled look on the man’s face. He was probably expecting quite the chase.



Without saying a word, Ed lifted a hand, palm upturned, as if expecting something.



“Huh? Oh…” Havoc proved intuitive enough to deliver. He pressed a cigarette and lighter into the younger man’s hand and then he sat down beside Edward. “So… what happened last night?”



“I don’t want to talk about it.” Edward uttered darkly as he lit the end of his smoke.



Havoc snorted, “Look, I know the General well enough to know that in any condition, he’d never take advantage of anyone. Stop making it sound like you two had sex or were fooling around.” He nudged Ed’s shoulder with his, “Although there will be plenty of girls jealous of you.” He got a glare powerful enough to kill.



*



Roy, roused rudely by all the commotion, groaned and rubbed the sleep from his eyes out of habit. That was his first mistake of the day as he lay there gasping in pain and anger of his own stupidity.



Riza hushed him and gently pulled the bandages from his face so she could take a look. “You will have to retrain yourself-“



“I know!” He bit. “What the hell was all the fuss?”



“Ed slept in your bed last night and we, Jean and I, saw.” She explained.



Roy, if in a different mood might have smirked and made some sarcastic quip but at the present he was in pain and foul tempered because of it and the rude awakening. “Let me guess, Ed-“



“Ran from the room in a startling display of his usual embarrassed self. I am taking that as a comfort.” She replied, “It’s good to see that he’s not completely lost himself… Did he wake you?”



Roy shook his head as she began to doctor his face, “No, I was awake when he came in. He thought I was sleeping and got something off his chest. After that we talked for a little while and he fell asleep.” He was quiet a moment, “I didn’t have the heart to send him back to his room.”



“Then he told you what happened?” She asked.



The General nodded, “He did and I will tell you, but I have questions first.”



Riza smiled sadly and rested her hand on his for a moment, “I can wait. I am just glad that he’s confiding in someone, I wish you would do the same. It might do you some good, you know.”



“Riza,” Roy said quietly, “Alphonse is… we have to do something, hold some kind of funeral. I don’t care how much it costs, I’ll pay for it but I’m not good at making the arrangements and I think it should be in Resembool. Not here. Would you help me? It needs to be done not only for Al but for Edward.”



Riza looked at their hands and nodded, “I will start looking for something appropriate this afternoon.”



*



For most of the day, Edward found himself either holed up in the guest bedroom or outside walking around the house, exploring the backyard and the few trees therein. He tried climbing one just to see how his leg and arm worked and he fell on his ass. After that he sulked on the back deck while thinking of all the ways that he was now disadvantaged. Closing his eyes he replayed all the times when he’d been in mortal danger and his automail limbs had provided the key to his survival. Would he die now that he was without them? Would he suffer some accident and pass away like no one of importance? And damn it all, if that wasn’t a pleasing thought! The General and his subordinates were right to worry about Edward, for even now, he thought of death as something sweet; a way to be with his brother again. And how cruel of him to think such a thing. Alphonse had given his life for Edward when he really shouldn’t have and now here he was fantasizing about death.



“I’m sorry, Al. It’s hard to see life as a gift right now. I’ll… I’ll try harder.” He whispered and pulled his knees to his chest. He realized that he was probably extra surly today because of last night and this morning. Part of him was still in shock over what the General had told him and what he’d told the General, and the other part of him was still shaken by the fact that he’d spent last night in the arms of a man. Havoc would tell him to chill out, that it was no big deal. But that’s not how it felt to Edward. He didn’t know if he was just scared of being that close to someone or if he was merely embarrassed as hell. In truth he suspected it might be something else altogether. Whatever it was, it left Edward feeling vulnerable and ashamed.



Standing up from the deck, he walked out toward the shed, which was located in the far right corner of the yard. When he reached it, he was surprised to find it unlocked. He would have thought a suspicious man like Mustang would keep even the most trivial of things under lock and key. As he pulled open the door he could hear it creak like breaking bones. From what he could tell, it must have been a while since anyone had been out here. Rays of light flooded in around Edward’s body, illuminating the dark, dusty room. He could make out a lawnmower, several rakes, a large tool box and a variety of other equipment all meant for lawn care and the outdoors. He even saw pruning sealant for tree limbs. This intrigued him for some reason and he read the can carefully. It looked somewhat like an oil can… and it was used for severed limbs.



Glancing about he finally found the large pruning sheers. He picked them up and then in a strange trance he pulled the door to the shed closed and then felt his way in the dark to the back wall. He turned and pressed his back against it then slid down. Still holding onto the pruning sheers, he just sat there. An hour must have passed. It was cold now; the sun had most likely gone down. And still he sat there.



“Alphonse…” he whispered, “we were supposed to get our bodies back, remember? Both of us. Not just me. I don’t deserve this, Al.”



He opened the pruning sheers and wedged his right arm between the blades.



*



Roy hadn’t exactly been with it for most of the day and part of that he had a hankering suspicion was due to how frequently and adamant Hawkeye was with his pills. It was almost as if she either wanted him to be too loopy to care about anything or asleep and therefore not awaken enough to cause any sort of trouble. However, when dinner came and there was still no sign of Edward, as far as he knew, he put his foot down.



“Where is Ed?” He asked, “I haven’t seen or heard from him all day.” He asked pushing her tray of supper away.



“He will be along when he gets hungry enough.” She assured him and set the tray over his lap.



Roy perked the only brow that was probably still intact. “I know you are hiding things from me, Hawkeye, the least you could do is find Edward and remind him to come in or come out for dinner… I’m really starting to worry. I don’t think he should be left by himself.”



*



He wasn’t sure what it was he was trying to accomplish when he first started applying pressure to the sheers. He wasn’t scared of the pain, but it did break his heart. Unlike the random pain he’d felt when he busted up his knuckles in ignorance, this pain was calculated and slowly progressing as the blades bit deeper and deeper. Was he really going to trim off his limb?



Possibly.



His skin broke under the mounting pressure and two big slits formed within the perfect virgin flesh. He hissed but continued to cut until he was most likely damaging muscles. It suddenly occurred to him that this would leave a scar at best and it would result in more auto-mail at worst. He thought about Roy’s words from last night, that Alphonse would be upset with him if he could see how poorly Ed was taking care of himself. Would Al really be upset?



His eyes widened and he gasped, “Al!” Shaking all over, he tugged the sheers away from his arm and threw them across the shed. His arm seared in pain and finally it frightened him. How deeply had he cut before his senses returned?



Sloppily getting to his feet, he moved to the door, tripping over random implements including the sheers which nicked his foot. At last he opened the door and in the pale orange hue of the outside light over the deck, he was able to see just how bad his arm was. He’d been injured worse than this in the past, but the fact that this time it was self inflicted, he was stunned. There was so much blood and it continued to pump out through his fingers even as he tried to apply pressure to the wound. His clothing, which had once been muted colors, was now striated a deep crimson color from his drizzling blood.



Strangely enough, he thought of Roy as he stood there shamefully bleeding all over himself and the backyard. He’d told Roy that he was intimidated by him and that he sought his approval. One thing was certain; he didn’t want Roy to find out about this. He couldn’t face being a disappointment to the living as well as the dead. Maybe Hawkeye would keep this a secret just as she’d done concerning Edward’s blood seal.



“Damn it.” He groaned and forced himself not to cry. Pulling off his shirt, he wrapped his arm in hopes that he would be able to keep his blood off the deck. Tentatively he made it to the door and then knocked with a trembling hand. It took a few moments but eventually Hawkeye appeared before him. Looking off to the side, embarrassment making him feel dizzy, he spoke in a tight voice, “I… I had an accident.”



Roy was right, Riza had to admit as she took in the boy’s bloody hands and freshly stained shirt. She never minded when her superior was correct in his worries or assumptions, even educated guesses but for once she’d hoped the General would be wrong.



Tired and nerves worn thin, she let fears and anger take the reigns. Her hand slapped across Ed’s soft cheek true and hard. There would be a mark if the sting in her hand was any indication.



“Accident?” She asked rhetorically, roughly grabbing Edward’s left elbow. Her fingers gripped him hard and she pulled him into the house and into the bathroom. “You are lucky I have enough field medical training to take care of this.” She growled, shoving him down on the toilet. She made certain to block his escape path while she pulled the first aid supplies from the medicine cabinet. She grabbed some towels and the peroxide, shoved them into Edward’s hands and pointed to the bath tub.



“Start disinfecting that wound and think about how you are going to explain yourself to the General. Really, Ed, what were you thinking? I know Alphonse is gone but do you really think he would want this for you? And what of the General? How do you think he will feel knowing that you were out in his back yard trying to kill yourself when all you had to do was talk to him or even to me? You could yell or scream or cry like a baby even tear the house down and we wouldn’t care so long as you aren’t hurting yourself. Don’t think we don’t know what it is like to lose someone. Now maybe we haven’t had someone as close as Al was to you, but we still feel and understand the loss. And we’ve all sacrificed for those we care about and they have done the same for us… Damn it, Edward, what about Winry or Pinako or Mrs. Curtis? Don’t you think they would suffer for your selfishness?”



He was stunned. His cheek throbbed in pain and it distracted him from the deep cuts in his arm where he tried to sever muscle and bone. Jaw clenched, he sat there, holding the peroxide and towels but making no motion to disinfect himself. His hair was damp from blood and sweat and it fell down before his face as he bowed his head. He listened to Hawkeye as she roughly dug through the first aid kit, seeking out a suturing needle and sterile thread. She cursed softly under her breath and Edward bowed his head even further.



“You’re right.” He whispered. “It was selfish and stupid and I’m not the only person in the world to suffer…” looking up suddenly, he grimaced, “But I’m not the ignorant little child that you think I am! Don’t you get it, First Lieutenant?! It’s because of all the things you were just talking about that I was able to stop when I did!”



He was breathing harder now and forgetting to put pressure on the wound, “I thought about Alphonse, and even though the one thing I want most in this world is to be with him again, I knew he’d hate me if I didn’t stop. And… and I thought about the General…” he looked down again and lifted his right hand to cover his eyes as he began to cry.



“I though about how d-disgusted he’d be with me.” He shook his head and tried to wipe at his tears. “So I stopped it… I… I don’t want him to know! He’d hate me!” He spoke with a frantic voice. Swallowing a lump in his throat he finally leaned over the bathtub and worked to disinfect the wound. He’d really made a mess of himself and through tear blurred eyes he could see fresh rivulets of blood pouring down from the surprisingly deep gashes.



“I’m sorry, Hawkeye.” He whispered. “Just please don’t tell him.”



Roy hadn’t gotten where he was by ignoring the things that went on around him and part of knowing things entailed having a good ear and an inherent talent of eavesdropping. His parents had hated this little talent of his and while growing up it hadn’t always been that he was trying to overhear their private conversations, it was something he just did automatically. In fact, Roy had a hard time not overhearing things and tuning people out. His mother had always said his ability to eavesdrop would get him into trouble one day but so far, and the career path he’d chosen, it had only been beneficial.



It had been strange to hear a knock at the back door and he and Riza had figured it to be Edward. He asked her to tell the young man that he didn’t need to knock, that he could go outside and come back in when ever he wanted but instead he heard an alarming sound almost as if someone had hit another and from there on the words spoken had him moving from the bed.



Whatever had happened, Roy knew Edward had done something clearly stupid, something that had pissed off and scared Riza enough for her to lash out. The woman was blunt but she was also kind and always had been with the Elric’s. Of course she was firm and acted as an authority figure but never once in all this time had Roy ever known her to be so angry that she’d actually yell at Ed and let alone strike him.



It was slow going, moving from the bed and out of his room; painful, exhausting and he was forced to grip the door frame when he reached the bathroom. At first he couldn’t see much, Riza was in the way but then she moved and he saw blood. Roy took a sharp breath, steeling himself and forcing a sense of calm as he assessed the situation and what he’d overheard.



“One thing you have always been slow to pick up, Edward, is that I have excellent hearing and if there is something to overhear, I will usually catch it.” He eased into the bathroom and reached for the needle and sterile thread Riza was fixing up. “Get some rest, Hawkeye, I’ll take care of him.”



“You can’t have good enough depth perception.” She snapped, “And what are you doing out of bed. Go back to your room!”



The General perked a brow, “I appreciate your help, 1st Lieutenant, but since you won’t tell me what I want to know and now have taken to ordering me around in my own house, I’m going to have to pull rank. Wash up and go get some sleep. Edward and I aren’t children; we can take care of ourselves for a little bit.” She started to protest but whatever she wanted to say died on her lips.



“Call for me if you need anything.” She said, her voice dripping with guilt and hurt.



“I promise,” Roy replied and moved so she could slip passed him. When they were alone and he heard the door to Riza’s room close, he closed the bathroom door and moved to the toilet. Putting down the lid, he sat down and picked up where she left off in preparing the needle.



“You really scared her, Edward.” He looked to Ed’s arm and shook his head as such ghastly wounds, “She’s helping me make arrangements for Alphonse. It’s not an easy thing to do… I would really like to not have to make them for you as well. Funeral arrangements on top of what she’s already carrying around…” He sighed, “So, we have to make a deal now, Ed. We have to take care of Hawkeye because for better or worse, we’re going to be stuck with her trying to take care of us for awhile. We should make it easier for her. Now, disinfect that arm so I can patch you up.”



Ed kept quiet. He’d never witnessed something like that before. Sure he’d seen Roy speak sternly, and he, himself, had been the target of some rather intense yelling sessions, but Edward had never seen the General be so curt and cold and exact when directly addressing Hawkeye. There had always been this vague notion in Edward’s mind that the General and the First Lieutenant had a soft spot for each other. Hell, he thought their retirement plans included marriage to each other, and so to hear the man pull rank and order her to leave them be; Edward was fairly shocked. Also he was fairly guilt ridden.



Wincing as he poured a fresh stream of the Hydrogen Peroxide onto his arm, he nodded and whispered, “Roy… I deserved the slap. I deserved everything she said, but I want you to know that I wasn’t actually trying to kill myself.” He frowned and leaned against the side of the tub from where he was presently kneeling. “I just wanted everything to be back to normal.” It was spoken softly and with a thoughtful tone.



“There was a pair of sheers so I thought… I’d go ahead and trim myself, just like a damn tree, you know. It all felt very natural, almost expected.” He let out a bitter laugh and then shook his head. “I’m pretty stupid, huh?” He finished dousing his arm and then quickly fashioned a tourniquet out of a bandage roll from the first aid kit.



Roy was worried, deeply and terribly worried. It was easier to be worried for those around him rather than deal with his own emotions and fears and he realized that but there was something healing that he recognized in being needed by others as well, even if it was just to sew up an arm or to listen.



He pulled Ed’s arm toward him and sighed. It took him a moment, a moment to get his bearings, but then he began to stitch. “I should have given you some whiskey or rum, hell even vodka or brandy to help dull the pain. I’ll give you one of my pain pills instead. I know I’m not supposed to but one isn’t going to kill you and I think you’ve taken that prescription before…” He sighed again ready to address things Edward had said.



“She shouldn’t have hit you, Ed. I understand why she did because I can see it from her point of view, her fears and concern for you but I can also see it from your vantage point. Yes, it was stupid, too stupid for such a smart kid like yourself. But also understandable considering that normal for you is having an auto-mail arm and leg. How many times did having auto-mail save your life? It’s only natural to feel the need to go back. So, I won’t lecture you for that. But for Hawkeye’s sake, please don’t do this again.”



He paused to make sure he was sewing correctly, “It’s been some time since I’ve had to do this. You’ll have a scar but I’ll try to keep it minimal… Listen, Ed, I want you to know that I’ve never pulled rank on Hawkeye before and I didn’t do it to be hurtful. I did it because she needs the rest. She’s been through a lot… I didn’t tell you everything… She didn’t do it on purpose, it was an accident and if she’d not killed Archer I would be dead.” Roy stopped sewing with his now half bloody hand, gripped Edward’s hand.



“One of her bullets went through Archer and that’s how I lost my eye. She thinks I don’t remember and she’s scared to talk to me about it. She’s afraid I will hate her or turn her out but the guilt is killing her. Riza’s like us, she’s got no one else but this little troop of soldiers and I think if she thought I knew it was her, she’d even leave us herself. I don’t want that but I don’t want this either. I hate it, Ed, I hate that she’s in so much pain and scared, I hate that she’s lashing out at you too.” He shook his head, “I’m calling Armstrong and the guys over tomorrow. She needs some time for herself, she was shot too after all.”



Edward grunted at the pain as the General began stitching him. It hurt, true, but it was negligible compared to the bone quaking moments when his auto-mail arm or leg would be shoved back into its port and the organic nerves would reawaken him to what it felt like to be ripped apart. He thought about telling the General that he didn’t need booze or a pill, but, be it his present weakness or his need to forget, he found himself nodding. He thought a pill sounded pretty damn good right now.



He couldn’t help but marvel at how truly understanding the General was being to him. Ever since Edward had showed up at his bedside in the hospital, the man had been affectionate, almost clingy. In some ways it was unnerving but at the same time, it seemed to be something they both needed. Edward was particularly thankful for moments like this when the man confessed to understanding his motives. It made the young alchemist feel a little less insane and quite frankly, anyone who randomly decides to prune their body with a pair of rusty sheers should be locked up.



As the man told him about Hawkeye and about the bullet, Ed felt a chill run through his body. He held his breath as Roy finished speaking. It was the First Lieutenant’s bullet that took Roy’s eye… it felt so wrong, so very wrong. He could only imagine how guilty she must feel. She idolized Roy. She would do anything to protect him. Knowing that she’d cost him half his sight and left him disfigured… it was a wonder she was able to function around the General at all.



Quietly, Ed pondered everything. His fingers tightened around Roy’s hand where they were still touching.



“Roy? You love the First Lieutenant, don’t you?” He said it softly, not meaning to make things awkward. He already knew the answer but he wanted Roy to confirm it and if the General did love her, then he was going to tell him to hold her down and make her understand that it wasn’t her fault. Edward knew something about guilt and he knew that it could eat at a person faster than acid.



Painful thoughts flooded him from when he’d started to tell his brother that there was something he needed to ask him, and then he hadn’t been able to spit out the words that spelled his guilt – and poor Alphonse had assumed something almost worse. ‘Do you hate me, Alphonse? Do you hate me for what I did to you?’ Just voicing those words had helped Edward be able to breathe again. Maybe that’s what Riza needed to say to Roy, or maybe Roy needed to assume the question and just give her the answer.



Not waiting any longer for Roy’s reply, Edward continued. “If you love her, then don’t let her question herself. Don’t let her carry that around. It hurts, Roy. I put Alphonse in a suit of armor and it took years before I could ask him if he hated me for it. She’s just as proud as I am, Roy, and if you leave it up to her, it’ll be years before she takes the initiative to heal. ”



Roy nodded; it was these little moments, tiny ones like these that Edward seemed almost sage like. Almost as if he were an old soul… Sometimes Edward was very much a child and others he was an adult with wisdom and life experience beyond his years, too far beyond his years and often Roy had questioned offering Ed the opportunity to seek out that which might have made him whole, dragging him into the military. It seemed sometimes that he’d stolen Ed’s childhood from him and been an aiding device to help Edward grow up too fast.



Selfishly, secretly, Roy was in some ways glad and thankful for it. It was a terrible thing, this gladness. He didn’t know if it was his pride in helping to shape or be of influence to such an individual or what exactly and there were moments where he felt deep regret and guilt. If it hadn’t been for him…



The General sighed heavily and got back to work, stitching the wounds. “I will take time to talk to her. You’re right, I do love Hawkeye but not in the way you might think. She is a beautiful, talented, and intelligent woman and if she weren’t my subordinate things might be a little different. I might have snagged her and married her long ago.”



He smiled, “I have entertained taking her out, spoiling her, kissing her and such, but when it comes down to it, at the end of the day, she is like a sister, a dear friend, and I think we work well this way. I will always care for her, protect her, and be there for her when she needs me but I really think she would be happier with someone else. She deserves better than me, someone not so broken or who will cause her so much trouble.”



Roy smirked as he turned Ed’s arm over and began working on the other side, “What I am about to tell you doesn’t leave this room and you can never mention it to anyone else. Hughes was the only other to know but Hawkeye and I did talk about the possibility once, a few years ago, back when you and Al first came to Central. I can tell you one thing, that woman is a fantastic kisser and I would know. But in the end, we decided we were better off as we are. It’s comfortable and familiar and works for us. Besides, she scares the hell out of me and I have a habit of pissing her off.”



Like a child during story time, Edward ate up the man’s words. His face maintained a rather indifferent expression but that was to hide the pain he felt at each pinch and tug of the needle. His eyes widened at the mention of Hawkeye being a fantastic kisser. Perhaps it was because he was a teenage male or perhaps it was because he simply couldn’t imagine the stern woman looking all pouty going in for the kill, either way he immediately began to visualize it. He thought of the two of them at a diner, looking all starry-eyed across the table at each other. Then he pictured the General driving her home and escorting her inside her military quarters. He probably got pushy, he seemed the sort, and gripped her shoulders before dipping down for a kiss.



“Huh…” Ed emitted thoughtfully as he continued to spy on the imaginary Roy and Riza. He could see Roy’s hands moving along her body as his lips parted and he went to work with his tongue. Roy’s eyes were closed and his mouth, though very occupied, was tugged into the faintest of smiles. Riza submitted to everything and even whimpered as the man touched her chest.



At this point Edward shook his head to ward off the images. His cheeks flushed and he heated up from embarrassment. What the hell had he been thinking?! Hawkeye would never just stand there and whimper. And Roy, while he was a total bastard, would never go straight for the breast on a woman that he respected to fully. But he couldn’t deny that there was something oddly appealing about the fantasy and that was what angered him the most; that he’d been enjoying it!



“You guys are probably better off just staying friends anyway. People do stupid things in the name of love.” He finally uttered, eager to move his thoughts away from the image of Roy now nipping at her neck and licking along the line of muscle. “And you don’t have to worry about me telling anyone. The only person I would have been tempted to tell that to is Alphonse,” he let out a soft breath, “so your secret’s safe with me.” Finally looking at the General again, he took in the amount of bandages necessary to cover the damaged parts of his face.



Without willing it, his imagination edited the figures in his fantasy and the General now wore a large black eye patch and Riza… she looked shorter for some reason.



“Ah!” Ed yelped suddenly and pulled his arm back. “Sorry,” he breathed and looked at the needle dangling on the thread, “that one went a little deep. Didn’t really hurt too much but you startled me.” He explained and then just closed his eyes. “I need to take a bath after this… so hurry up and finish.” It was a weak command, seemed more like a plea. His body felt incredibly heated and in some places their was pressure and he didn’t really give a damn what was going on; all he wanted was for the General to get the hell out of the room so that Ed could take care of whatever needed taken care of.



At first Roy was shocked and worried that he’d hurt Edward, which had never been his intention, and while he was admonishing himself for it inwardly, he couldn’t help but feel that Ed’s reaction was a little bit… strange.



“Sorry, I’m trying to do this as gently as I can.” He apologized and reached for Ed’s arm again only to find it trembling slightly. But was the trembling from the pain and blood loss or was it a little more than that. As he went to finish, his eye darted to a place it had no business looking and he almost smiled but bit his tongue to keep it at bay. Ed had quite the imagination he’d learned over the years and it was only natural, he supposed, to have fantasies but it did make Roy a tad bit uncomfortable to realize that Ed might have been letting his imagination get carried away with him where he and Riza were the subject matter.



Well, he thought, he would just put it out of his mind and not mention it. Ed was human after all and a young man in the years where hormones began to rage and take the mind to places best left private except with a lover. Then again he had to wonder about Edward’s… did he or had he ever even kissed a girl, held a girl’s hand, even taken an interest in one long enough to wonder what it would be like to be with her? Did he fantasize about women and… Roy stopped his thoughts there. He didn’t feel that it would be appropriate for him to even imagine or wonder if Ed touched himself and he’d always kind of thought that if a sex talk was needed that Hughes would be the one to give it. Maes was better at that sort of thing, talking to people about certain personal issues that was. Roy knew he would just feel awkward and probably make the situation worse. He could give a little advice here and there but nothing in detail.



Oh how this was uncomfortable. He quickly yet delicately finished with Edward’s arm and rose to wash his hands. “When you’re finished, come to living room and bring the first aide kit with you. I’ll have some medicine there for you.” And with that, he left the young man to his business, heading down the hall to living room where he poured himself a scotch and put on a record to listen to. Then he found his medication and set it on the side table with a glass of water for Ed.



The second the door closed, Ed breathed a sigh of relief. His pulse speeding up, he rushed over and locked it. He knew he probably shouldn’t do that since they both thought he was suicidal, but he didn’t really care right now! He wanted privacy, damn it! Resting his forehead against the door he sulked and ground his teeth. The General had seen it. There had been a moment, a second, when the man’s eye darted to Edward’s crotch. Right after that, the bathroom space filled with tension and Edward trembled and shivered almost as if he were freezing when in reality he was burning up so bad he thought he might actually have a fever.



Weakly he walked to the bath and ran the water. Keeping his right arm close to his body and protecting it from further harm; he finished removing his clothes and then stepped over the lip of the tub. He looked down and watched the water washing blood and grime from his feet, shuddering at how much of a mess he’d really made, and then he hesitantly examined himself. His manhood was only half mast now and he was thankful for that. Maybe it would just go away if he left it alone. Most of the time, when he found himself inexplicably turned on, he would ignore it, or seek out other ways to relieve himself that didn’t involve his lower organs. Al didn’t know it, but many of their sparring matches were started because of Ed’s libido.



There were times however, that his body demanded to be touched. It was always awkward and the little bit of pleasure that ejaculation provided him was outweighed by the amount of guilt he always felt. It wasn’t fair that he had a body capable of feeling pleasure and release, a body that could create children, a body that would grow and change… when his brother had nothing but a suit of armor.



He turned off the water when the tub seemed full enough and as he sank down into the water, he whimpered. All at once he felt like a needful child. He whimpered because he wanted Hawkeye to wash his hair; whimpered because Roy had seen his erection; whimpered because his arm really did hurt; and whimpered because his body, it seemed, just wouldn’t be satisfied with neglect tonight. Reaching down with his left hand he fondled his penis in the water, half playing with it – half shoving it away like something to be forgotten.



Still, something was different this time compared to all the other times he’d found himself in this situation; never before had there been something to fixate on, something to envision and fantasize about. Usually his erections were random and felt like an itch that needed to be scratched rather than a sexual desire that needed to be brought to fruition. But this time, as he began to run his fingers up and down the firm shaft, he saw them again: Roy and Riza. He saw the General lift the smaller person up into his arms. He carried the blond to the couch and, as if Ed’s fantasy were a camera angle, everything suddenly focused on Mustang. He could see the man’s hands pulling away clothing between the two of them, and he could see the man parting the slender legs.



“Hah!” Ed gasped loudly, so loudly that he gasped a second time in pure shock to how loud he’d been. “Damn,” he bit and held his breath for several moments as he began to buck up into his hand. The fantasy increased and he could see Mustang’s shoulders glistening with sweat as he thrust into the body beneath him. Each time he imagined the man’s motions, he would thrust upward himself as if trying to make fantasy and reality match up. Things began heating up and he felt intense shivers of pleasure wrapping around his core until he had to breathe and the resulting moan echoed throughout the bathroom with such force that he was sure Roy had heard.



“Bastard! Damn it, Roy!” He ground his teeth as he came. His body thrashed as he drowned in the sensations of orgasm. It had never been like this before and when he finally lay still, he felt exhausted and restored all at once. Guilt was fast to move in, however, and he abandoned the feeling of ecstasy so that he could focus on cleaning himself and washing all the blood away.



When he was finished with this, he stood and grabbed a towel. Surprisingly, his legs were still a bit shaky. Once he was dry, he wrapped a towel around his middle and snuck back to his room where he donned a pair of loose sleeping pants and an oversized t-shirt. Then he made his way to see Roy.



Roy found himself on his sofa staring at the bottle of scotch he’d grabbed from the small bar cabinet in his living room. With his focus not solely Edward and having walked and moved around his body reminded him of just how bad of shape he was really in. He was exhausted, the pain had flared to new heights, and while he knew he should never mix alcohol and medication of any type, he’d popped a pill and downed it with second glass of scotch.



A third and fourth glass was needed when he heard a faint moan over the record that played a favorite tragic ballet. A fifth found it’s way into his stomach when the ill timed ballet fell into a softer section and he caught Ed’s annoyed orgasm and his name uttered from the young alchemist’s lips.



Drink six and seven followed quickly as he tried his best to ignore his curiosity of why Ed felt the need to call him a bastard and curse him at completion of masturbation. He just didn’t want to know why or how, there was something distinctly wrong with that combination. Sure, Edward was of age and he was a handsome young man but… No, they were superior and subordinate, friends, and it didn’t go beyond that. Besides, Roy was twice Ed’s age and he was sure Ed liked girls. Hell, he was sure he, himself liked women. He’d been with enough of them and even though he knew that men sometimes found love together and he had never had a problem with it… Somehow the very notion of him and Edward was just… They would kill each other.



Yes, they would kill each other because Roy would never be able to not tease Ed in some fashion and Ed would always fly off the handle and this was the most ludicrous train of thought he’d had in his life.



He needed another drink and when that wasn’t good enough to chase the peculiar thoughts from his head he found himself downing an eleventh glass only to look up and see the blonde standing before him.



Roy snorted because he couldn’t help himself, “So, how was the bath? Feel better now?” He grinned, “But the most important question is, why are you annoyed with me while jerking off in my bath tub?” Shit! It just flew out of his mouth and he was going to die, he just knew it. He’d better take another drink this was going to hurt.