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Drug Trip	By : Zethsaire Category: Gundam Wing/AC > Yaoi - Male/Male > Heero/Duo Views: 790 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or any of the characters. I don't make money off this story.

Chapter List
- 6
- 7
- 8
Author's notes: Currently the couples in this fic are 5x6 and 2xOC. (Yes, yes...boooooo and all that.) There will be more in the future but I really don't feel like ruining everything by writing out a huge list of couples. You'll just have to wait! But I can guarantee that if you don't like 1x2, this fic ain't for you!

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or the any of the characters, universe, etc. etc. I don't plan on making money of this fic in any way. It is for pure enjoyment and writing practice only! That being said, the writing is still mine, and as a creative concept, it still belongs to me, so please ask before re-posting. Thanks!

Chapter Six

Heero, Saturday, March 22nd, AC 204, 5 a.m.

Heero woke up in a pile of bodies on Cornelius' bed. As far as he could remember, the night had been a complete blur, but apparently there had been one hell of an orgy afterwords. Cornelius was asleep next to him and he had an arm wrapped possessively around Heero's waist.

Heero felt like shit. His head was pounding and his mouth was dry; and he really needed a shower. The crushing depression that always followed a night of ecstasy hadn't hit him yet, and he wanted to get home before it did. Ecstasy was great for making money, but it left him feeling like death warmed over for days afterwords.

"Cornelius, get up." Heero was starting to feel claustrophobic with all these people around him. He wanted to get up now.

Cornelius groaned and pulled Heero closer reflexively. Heero fought back the urge to break his arm. There would be no end of shit if he did, and he'd lose his best drug supplier. "Get up!" He elbowed the blonde in the ribs.

"Uhn...Yamato...it's like five in the morning." Cornelius mumbled into his pillow. "Do you have to get up now?"

"Yes, dammit. I want to go home."

"You're never any fun after your high wears off." Cornelius grumbled, but he let go of Heero's waist and forced himself up. The dealer looked as bad as Heero felt. Usually he refrained from using out of his own supply, but he made exceptions during parties.

"Just shut up and pay me." Heero said. His mood was deteriorating by the minute.

"Alright, alright. Your money's in my office. Lets go." Cornelius said, grumbling the entire time.

Heero followed his dealer across the room, being careful not to step on anyone. There were dozens of young people in Cornelius' apartment. Heero wondered if he'd invited the entire neighborhood.

"Hell of a party last night then?" He asked, as Cornelius unlocked his office door.

"Of course. I'm not going to throw a party for old pervs and then not have one for people I actually want to sleep with." He motioned for Heero to turn around while he opened his safe. "Come in."

Heero walked in and shut the door behind him, sitting down at an overstuffed arm chair in front of the desk. Cornelius pulled out a pad of paper and started scribbling down figures. "Eight hundred for the party, fifteen hundred in tips, so you get eleven hundred twenty-five, and I owe you another thousand from last night. So that brings your total to ...fuck it, three grand is close enough."

"You should do these parties more often." Heero said.

"I would but...even I need some time to get over those disgusting old pervs." Cornelius said, but he was grinning, so Heero didn't think he really meant it. "You want anything before you go? I got some new weed in; it's already rolled into cigarettes with the filters taken out – looks legit but it isn't, and it doesn't smell like pot when it burns. Still gets you just as high, and still tastes like weed. Five hundred bucks for a carton."

"...hell, why not. Give me two. And a half-bottle of Valium."

Cornelius gave him a weird look. "You never buy Valium. You said it doesn't help your E crash."

"Got a roommate now, so I have to try not to crash so hard." Heero said. It sounded lame, even to him.

"Whatever you want." Cornelius scribbled down some more notes on the pad, and counted out two grand in hundreds onto the table. "Valium's on me." He said.

"You must've made a shit-ton at that party." Heero muttered. Cornelius never gave him discounts like this.

"You have no idea." Cornelius chuckled. "Meet me by the gate, I'll go get your stuff."

Heero walked out of the office and into Cornelius' bathroom, where he'd stashed a more reasonable outfit – jeans and one of the red graphic tees he'd bought the day before. He peeled his work clothes off with a grimace, wondering why he'd even bothered to put them back on last night. Stuffed into the spandex was another wad of bills, which meant he'd apparently been busy last night. It wasn't really surprising; ecstasy made him...available.

He flipped through the bills and counted out in his head how many customers he must have had last night. The number was nauseatingly high. If he'd had a working gag reflex, he probably would have thrown up. Back when he was living on the street he hadn't cared, but there was something about living with Duo again that made him exceptionally self conscious about the whole thing.

Heero stuffed his outfit into the new duffel he'd bought and tucked the money into the front of his pants, and headed out to the gate to meet Cornelius and get the fuck out of that place. As promised, Cornelius was waiting for him. Heero took the Valium and one carton of cigarettes and shoved them into his duffel. He opened the other carton and took a pack out before putting it in his bag and zipping it up.

"I called you a cab." Cornelius told him.

"Thanks."

Heero wasn't really listening, he was busy lighting a cigarette. He nearly dropped it when Cornelius suddenly yanked him close, his breath hot in Heero's ear. "You should come by more often."

"What are you-" Heero yanked his head away when Cornelius tried to kiss him. "Fuck off, just let me out!"

"Don't be like that. You kissed me plenty last night."

"I was getting paid then. And I was on E. Fuck, don't be like this. This is why I stopped going to Marcus, you know."

"Marcus is a complete fuck head." Cornelius spat. "You're so...ugh. You've got a sexy roommate who you're not sleeping with, apparently. You come over here all the time, way more then any of my other strippers. You do shit for me you won't do for anyone else. Excuse me for thinking you might eventually want to have sex with someone who might actually care for you."

"I just want to go home."

"Fine, whatever." Cornelius let go of him and opened the grate. "If you ever change your mind, I'm here. And if you don't...whatever, I'm here then too."

Heero hurried out, taking a deep drag off his cigarette. The cab was waiting outside for him. He slid into the back and handed the driver a fifty. He told him Duo's address, and then rolled the window down. He kept smoking the whole way home. Cornelius had pretty much just admitted to caring for him. That was about as big a declaration of love as was possible for the man. Heero's head hurt – he didn't want to think about this any more. It took a lot to get him high again when he was coming down off of ecstasy, but he was certainly going to try.

The cabby knew him, and didn't even try to give him his change back. He didn't ask any questions and took Heero back home without any trouble. Heero managed to remember to say thank you when he got back out of the cab, and stumbled up the steps to the apartment. He paused for a moment to light another cigarette before he went inside, then went in and locked the door behind him.

He leaned against the door and gave a sigh of relief. It was so good to be back in his apartment, with no clients and no Cornelius. Last night's party did not turn out the way he was expecting, in any way. He hadn't expected Duo to show up, or for anyone to slip him E, (though honestly, he should have known better.) And he certainly didn't expect to get laid last night as many times as he apparently did either. The next few days were going to suck. Maybe the Valium would help.

He sighed again and took the last drag off his cigarette. His first priority was to put his work clothes in the wash. Technically they were supposed to be dry-cleaned, but putting them on hand wash was good enough, and he wasn't going to take his work clothes to the laundromat. After his clothes had started washing, he pushed his duffel under the futon into the space he'd currently claimed as his 'room.' Duo had loaned him a cheap set of plastic drawers he'd been using in his office to put his clothes in, which was on one side of the futon, doubling as an ottoman. All of his other personal effects he kept in one of his two bags; one duffel with all his toiletries and essential survival items, and the other to take with him to jobs. All of his old things had gone in the trash the day he'd gone shopping.

After all his things had been put away, Heero finally went into the bathroom to shower. He briefly considered bringing a cigarette in with him to see if he still was able to smoke and shower at the same time, but in the end, he decided against it. Instead he brought three Valium's with him, which he took after gargling with hot water from the shower.

He sat in the shower and just let the water beat into him, his mind numb and his outlook bleak. His skin itched, and he felt the sharp pang that meant that he wanted a hit. It didn't really make sense, since he'd just gotten high last night, he'd managed a pretty good buzz off the marijuana cigarettes, and he'd just taken three Valiums. But none of that was what he wanted. He wanted that magical mix of chemicals that would make everything better, the drug that he'd been brought up on. Without it, no matter how much he took, he always felt sharp stabs of withdrawal. It was less noticeable when he was on something else; especially heroin, but it was always there.

It took effort to force himself to wash. Part of him was horrified with his current state of hygiene; he wanted to bathe for hours, or days if it took him that long to get clean. Instead, he slowly and methodically cleaned every inch of himself with Duo's lavender body-wash. He scrubbed at his skin until the water started going cold, and then took the time to wash his hair after that. By the time he was ready to get out, the water hitting him in the face was ice cold. He didn't care.

He dried off and put his pajama bottoms on – loose, cottony pants, and no shirt. Then he brushed his teeth for about fifteen minutes and gargled with Scope until his mouth no longer tasted like sex. He didn't even attempt to brush his hair; that was tomorrow's battle.

Out in the main room, he forced himself to drink two glasses of water and ate some toast. It wasn't really enough, but it was all he could manage; he wouldn't die of dehydration at least. And the alcohol he'd consumed tonight would give him calories. Not healthy ones, but it would keep him going.

He was just sitting down on the couch to try to will himself to go back to sleep, at least for a few hours, when Duo's bedroom door cracked open. "'Ro? You back?"

"Yes."

Duo shuffled out into the main room and sat hesitantly down on the couch next to Heero. He pulled his legs up onto the couch and wrapped his arms around them, staring miserably at the wall. Heero knew he wanted to talk, but had no way to bring it up without potentially pissing Heero off.

Instead of answering Duo's unspoken question, he pulled out two of his marijuana cigarettes. He lit one for himself, and handed the other one and the lighter to Duo. Duo didn't even argue with him about smoking in the house, he just lit his own and took a deep drag off it.

"Hey – this isn't tobacco!"

"No. It's pot." Heero agreed with him. "You don't mind." It wasn't really a question.

"...no. Thanks."

"Sorry for..." Heero couldn't bring himself to say it. Instead, he reached over and traced the bottom of Duo's lip with his finger. He blamed it on the Valium.

"It-it's okay, Heero." Duo said.

"No, it isn't." Heero argued. "It's the ecstasy. It always does that to me. It's supposed to make you happy too; give you feelings of euphoria. It doesn't really do that for me. My serotonin levels are genetically modified – I just don't produce as much serotonin as most people do. Ecstasy is supposed to release all of it at once, that's what gives you the rush. I just sort of feel...disconnected. And really horny."

"You hate it, don't you." Duo said. "At the party, even though you were smiling, you looked miserable."

Heero looked surprised. "It's a job. It's a hell of a lot better then killing people, and apparently I'm good at it. I guess you could say I hate it. I enjoy it sometimes...usually when I"m high, but it's not bad most of the time. And it pays well. I just – I didn't want you to see me like that."

"I can't say it wasn't weird to see you all...sexual and everything. Thinking about you having sex at all is just weird. Before, when we tried to do anything sexual, you just got mad at me."

Heero sighed, and gave Duo another cigarette. They both needed it if they were going to have this particular conversation. "All the times we tried after the war, I just couldn't get into it."

"What, like I wasn't sexy enough for you or something?" Duo asked in a hurt voice. They had never talked about this before. Apparently the pot was helping Duo express his feelings.

"No, that's not it at all. You're incredibly sexy. That was part of the problem. You were so comfortable with sex; so confident in your sexuality. I didn't know if I was straight or gay or if I even was capable of those kinds of things. Hell, I still don't know. The program J had me on completely killed my sex drive, so it wasn't like I'd ever had sex, or had even anything sexual at all so-"

"Wait. Are you telling me you never jacked off? During the whole war?"

"I tried once or twice, but it didn't work. It's not like I didn't know about sex. It just wasn't something I could experience. The effects lingered after the war too. Anything we tried in the first six months didn't actually do anything for me at all. I tried but..." Heero shrugged.

"Fuck. So you were like, a super virgin."

"I guess you could say that. I didn't know how to tell you. You wanted everything so fast, and I was miserable at it. I got so frustrated. It was easier just to push you away then try to talk to you about it." Heero wasn't sure how he felt about actually talking about this, even now. Their past was complicated, and their attempt at a relationship was disastrous at best. And Duo still had a boyfriend, and Cornelius had just asked him out today. It wasn't a really good day for relationship advice.

"I should have noticed." Duo said. He looked guilty.

"Why would you? You and Quatre always saw the best in me – the humanity. But I was really more of a machine, or at best, a cyborg. I went so long without feeling anything, that when I finally did feel something, I didn't know what to do about it."

Duo was nervous about this whole conversation. Heero could tell because he kept playing with the end of his braid. "I'm not gonna lie, I was pretty fucked up then. Hell, I'm still fucked up now. But I should have known. I mean...I just thought you were so perfect. I wish I would have known." He put his braid in his mouth and started chewing on the end of it. "I would've...I mean, we could've...fuck. I'm not making aaaaany sense, am I?"

"You're high." Heero informed him. "Say what you want about Cornelius, he always gets good pot."

"We've got to stop smoking in the house."

"At least we have something in common now." Heero said. "And I won't nag you about smoking now."

"That's true. Heero, why did you kiss me?"

"I told you. It's the E."

"Yeah but...just because you're horny doesn't mean you'll sleep with everyone. I mean...you really went for me."

"Does it matter?" Heero sighed heavily.

"Of course it matters!" Duo exclaimed, throwing his hands up.

"Duo, go back to bed." Heero did not want to talk about this right now.

"What the fuck? You tell me your whole life's story, and then you won't even answer a single question?"

"Duo, I don't want to talk about it, okay? It's over. We missed our chance. You moved on and found someone else. We can't go back to that place."

"But I want to." He was really chewing on his braid now. Duo was going to have some serious split ends.

"I know. But I'm not going to do this to you Duo. I left and broke your heart. You finally get over me and then I shove my way back in to your life. I know it's tempting because I'm more sexual now, but I can't and I won't ruin things with you and your boyfriend."

"You don't even like him."

"But I see how you get when you talk about him. He makes you feel normal." Which was something Heero could never do.

"...yeah. He does."

"So go to bed. Stop thinking about what could have been, alright? Just...let it go."

Duo looked torn. "Are you sure-"

"I'm sure." Heero knew he was being unreasonable, possibly even a little cruel. But Duo was trying to like a normal life, a healthy life. Heero was already imposing on his house; he was determined not to mess things up further. Besides, if Duo wasn't there, staring him in the face, it was easier to shove down his own feelings.

"Well...goodnight Heero."

"Nite."

Duo went back to his room and closed the door, and Heero laid down the futon and stretched out on it. Life was such a bitch. He finally was able to acknowledge his feelings for Duo, able to give him the sexual side of a relationship that Duo needed, and it didn't matter. He was too late. Even if Duo broke up with Demetri, Heero would feel like he had no right to Duo. He couldn't burden Duo with all his problems. He couldn't' bear to even contemplate sleeping with Duo after all the times he'd been passed around.

He closed his eyes and willed the Valium to kick in. He didn't want to think about any of this. Sometimes he felt that it would be easier if he was still numb. When he was numb, he had none of these pesky feelings to sort through, none of the pain associated with being a free thinking being. But he didn't want to go back to that dark, cold, calculated mind he'd lived in before, either. He'd evolved past that. He would deal with the pain, somehow, and keep his feelings. Even if that was as close as he was ever going to get to a relationship with Duo, it would be enough. Had to be enough . He couldn't go back – he had to go forward. No matter how much it hurt.

End Chapter 6

Notes: Hooray for a major re-write. From now on, bits of the old story will be mixed in with new stuff, and then pretty much entirely new content after chapter 12, which I'm working on right now. Last time Duo and Heero's problems were solved waaaaaay to early, it wasn't realistic at all. This is better, I think. But feel free to let me know your take as well!

Note on drugs: This story isn't condoning drug use. In fact, it's purpose is supposed to be to show how much they fuck with you. That being said, I've done a lot of research on illegal drugs, but haven't had much experience with them. Prescription drugs yes, god, my doctor gives them out like candy. But it's not the same, so if you know more then I and need/want to correct me on anything pertaining to drug use, its effects, etc, please let me know!
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Drug Trip