Quatre Winner\'s Diary

May: Baseball and Alphabets

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Monday, May 12th

8:48am

Official word from Duo\'s doctor is he can come back to
work half-time next week, but it\'ll be months until
he\'s back on solid food. So it\'s Slim Fast, yogurt,
and soup for a while which equals a crabby Duo. At
least Heero\'s bought as many different flavors as he
could get a hold of. That might keep him happy long
enough to come up with something else, like liquefied
steak or baby food, although I doubt that he\'d mind
being spoon-fed as long as the spoon’s held by a
handsome Japanese bodyguard.

My problems on the other hand aren\'t as easily solved.
The weekend wasn\'t a total loss. I got a definite
answer to my theory about Trowa, but I still couldn\'t
leave the house without someone milling around and
taking my picture. I really hope people have more to
do with their time than finding out I need toilet
paper.

The cooking went well at least, even after the night
before. It\'s really not like anything bad happened,
but…well…I know I at least, have been left a little
uncomfortable lately, and I think he has too. That
seems like a logical reason to back away. But anyway,
the cooking went well; Trowa definitely knows his way
around a kitchen. I really think I want to keep him.
I need him. And then while things were cooking in the
kitchen, we tried to do some cooking of our own in the
living room. Okay, that was a really bad
colloquialism, but well it\'s still early. We were
there, making out on the couch and getting into a
little light petting, nothing out of the ordinary, but
then…well I\'m not sure exactly what happened, but
somehow Trowa\'s hand ended up in my pants. He still
hasn\'t grabbed my ass, but now he\'s touched my groin.
He touched me. It\'s still making me…giddy
and…uncomfortable, but it was really nice, although at
the time I was a little shocked, but definitely not in
an unpleasant way. In fact I *really* wanted him to
continue, but he misinterpreted my reaction. Trowa
pulled away. He didn\'t just pull his hand out, he sat
up and looked…I\'m not sure how to describe it. He
looked kind of mad, a little disappointed,
and…disturbed. I\'m not sure who it was pointed at;
himself or at me for not stopping him. As it was, he
didn\'t say anything. He kind of got up and went to
the bathroom. I\'m sure he was trying to give me some
space, but he didn\'t ask me if I wanted it. I did. I
wanted his hand back in my pants. Of course I\'m not
the kind of person who can just say that. What I want
to sound like a confident, \"You know I didn\'t really
mind\" comes out more like, \"Um…is everything okay?
No, I\'m fine.\" Like that conveys much. How come I
can stand up to a table of people who don\'t trust my
opinions, but with my boyfriend of four months, I
can\'t seem to reveal what I really want. Is this what
girls go though? Do they have these same
communication problems?

I read in a college communication book that men
communicate through actions while women use words.
I\'ve been rolling that theory through my head for the
last day or so. The conclusion that I\'ve come to is
this: he wants me, but he doesn\'t want to push. It\'s
as simple at that. Being around me makes him want
something more, but he knows I\'m not quite ready for
sex. In truth, I\'m not. Not right now. If you give
me a few months to get comfortable with a new
situation, then yes I\'ll gladly explore those horizons
with him, but that doesn\'t mean we can\'t get to heavy
petting now. I wouldn\'t mind maybe something more
along the lines of middle-weight petting if he doesn\'t
want the heavy stuff. Anyway, work. I have work to
do.

12:15 pm

Okay, everyone is conspiring against me getting
anything done. First Duo calls and starts ranting
about how he \"knew how to do it.\"

\"Know how to do what, Duo?\" I knew I shouldn\'t have
been encouraging him, but I did anyway.

\"I know how to get drunk. All I need to do is get
Heero out of the house.\"

\"Duo, why do you want to get drunk?\" I swear I could
hear him thinking through the phone. \"Won\'t it effect
your pain medication?\"

\"But I wanna get drunk Q. I wanna get really
plastered.\"

\"Why?\"

\"Because I can.\"

\"Duo, go lie down. You sound tired.\"

\"Can I get drunk later?\"

\"Of course you can.\"

\"Okay.\" With that he hung up the phone. Not fifteen
minutes later Heero called me back and told me that
Duo\'s pain medication was making him a little…loopy
and to just forget whatever he told me to do.
Apparently he was on the roof yesterday claiming he
was the Japanese god of death [1]. I\'m not sure
what\'s scaring me more: Duo on this medication or the
fact he got past Heero.

About an hour after that, Wufei called to complain
about \"that women.\" I think it\'s so cute that he\'s
come up with a pet name for Sally so soon. I give
them two years before I\'m an uncle. Besides, Wufei
really needs to start thinking about either a green
card marriage or getting a work visa. I suspect Sally
will be more than willing to help him with the first
one. From what I can tell, she really likes feisty
men.

That does remind me, though. I need to set up an
appointment for my yearly physical; my birthday\'s
next month.

After Wufei, Cathy called and asked me to lunch
sometime this week. She said there was something she
wanted to talk to me about.

The Relena called. Hilde\'s back on tour again, so
she\'s lonely. I promised that we\'d get together this
week sometime just so she\'d have something to do.

I thought it might be over until the phone rang again.
This time it was Trowa just calling to say good
morning and to tell me Duo called him. Apparently he
knew the secret of life and had to tell it to Trowa
before he forgot. We had a laugh over how Duo was
getting the phone. I put money on him hiding
somewhere small where Heero can\'t find him. Trowa
thinks he\'s just grabbing and running when Heero\'s
back is turned. Either way, I don\'t envy anyone in
that household.

So as it stands now, I\'m having lunch with Cathy on
Wednesday, dinner with \'Lena on Thursday, and Heero
needs help. Maybe I could send a few members of Uncle
Rashid\'s security force over there…

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1. Can anyone really blame me for that one?