Quatre Winner\'s Diary

May: Baseball and Alphabets

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Wednesday, May 14th

11:46 am

Only two and half days of working like a dog before Duo\'s back. And 14 minutes until my lunch with Cathy. Is it a bad thing when your boyfriend\'s sister wants to have lunch with you? Oh well, I\'ll find out soon enough.

1:03 pm

Okay lunch wasn\'t that bad, although I swear the whole time she was keeping something from me. I wasn\'t sure exactly what, but she was evasive on certain issues, steering me clear of certain subjects. I\'m not exactly a slouch in that area either, and wheedled a few comments out of her that I knew she didn\'t want to divulge, like Heero called Trowa and told him about my conversation with Duo while I was having it. So he knows about the book and from that and the comments about him needing to give me *my* space and not really needing it himself, I came to the only logical conclusion I could; he\'s giving me some time to explore my sexuality before we move any further into the physical dimensions of our relationship. It\'s sweet, but really not all that necessary. Well it\'s a little necessary. I don\'t thI coI could read book like \"Sex Tips for Gay Men\" and \"Gay Sex: A Manual for Men Who Love Men\" with him lying next to me, but I\'m not going to hide the book from him, much. Maybe the one written for women, but I figured that could give me blowjob tips. I\'m going to need those.

That\'s one of the things that scares me about this whole thing. Blowjobs. I understand the concept of putting his dick in my mouth, but at the same time, I know how much a bad blowjob can . Th. There\'s no such thing as too much suction, but if you use the teeth wrong or whilwhile deep-throating, it can hurt one or both parties. There\'s so many subtle nuances of oral sex that I want to make sure I understand before I try performing it on Trowa. Hell, I wish I\'d tried doing research before I started fooling around with girls. It might have made things a little less...uncomfortable my first time around. If I\'d known the things about trimmed nails and a clitoris before I attempted to even get to third base, she might have enjoyed it more. As it was, she was a little more experienced with matters and knew exactly how to do me properly. Anyway, I don\'t want a repeat of that.

And then there\'s sex. I know there\'s something more there then just tab \"a\" and slot \"b\", but what is beyond me. Anal sex; I\'ve learned that much during my research, but there\'s a whole hell of a lot more to it then just that. It isn\'t just thrusting. With women there\'s a natural lubricant in their slot that men just don\'t have. I suppose something like KY jelly would work, since that\'s what doctors use for prostrate exams, but I can\'t see how that can be pleasant. That\'s what the books are for. First I read the book and learned how to make a man feel good, then I ask questions to those more knowledgeable than me, then comes the object lessons.

The first two parts I can handle, but I know that the anus doesn\'t stretch *that* much. The penis is much larger then a turd (pardon my bluntne...what the fuck I\'m apologizing to a book again. I think I really need to get some psychological help), and since one is hard and the other is soft and pliable (if the correct consistency), then logically it can\'t fit. But I know it does, somehow. Oh, fuck it. I\'ll sit down with Duo or Trowa and come up with a game plan to work up to the sex part. It doesn\'t have to come right away. There\'s t oft of thing that work up to it, but...

Well maybe it has something to do with having twenty-nine sisters, but I\'m worried about things like bottoming out. I\'m not sure what that is exactly, but I think it has something to do with the guy not being able to fit in all the way. I\'ve only heard the term and haven\'t taken the time to learn what it means. Maybe Relena would know. It seems something that women obsess over.

Relena. She really needs someone there for her. I wish I had more time than I do, but tonight is her night. Tonight is just us hanging out, having dinner, and just talking. No one else, just us. I feel bad about not being there for her as much as I should be, but busy lives with busy lives makes for not seeing your friends much. But there\'s no time to dwell. Tonight is for Lena, and Lena\'s problems with dating a rock star.
25 p25 pm

Is it bad when you\'re in such demand that you don\'t have time for yourself? Yup, I\'m to that point where I want to go screaming into the void and come back when everything is settled. Only thing is, I can\'t.

Dinner with Lena was good. Really nice. We talked, which we haven\'t had a chance to do since...damn, February. I\'m really failing her as a friend. But I could be there for her now, and her problems, and she even had time left over for mine. Just the basic coming to grips with new versions of ourselves that we didn\'t know about before. We have a lot of the same problemostmostly in the sex areas of our lives. She knows about as much about same-sex oral sex as I do. It was nice to be able to give someone else sex advice and get a little in return. Apparently \"bottoming out\" is where a man hits the end of vaginal tunnel. I suppose that makes sense, but I just assumed that the cervix was far enough up in the body that all male parts fit. I guess not. I wonder if it\'s possible for a guy to get somewhere like the large intestines during anal sex? Ewww...

Anyway, we decided that after dinner, drinks at my house sounded like a good idea. Nothing alcoholic, just tea. After another hour of talking, Trowa showed up looking like death warmed over. Actually, he really just needed a hug. A big long hug, during which Relena excused herself. I felt *really* bad about that. Here I had a relationship and she was pining for her own. Somehow phone calls from hotel rooms just don\'t cut it with a new couple. I don\'t blame her for her uncertainty. I\'d be a little on edge too, if it was me.

But at then I didn\'t have time to think about that. I had a distraught Trowa who eventually told me his story. The little dog died. He\'d stayed late to help with a surgery that might help. The poor little thing died in the middle. He didn\'t really stand a chance. Trowa told the girl, and he was still shaken up about that. She cried. He really can\'t stand children crying. Mary cried once with him around, and he stoppe as as quickly as possible.

What the whole thing boiled down to is he felt like the biggest bastard in the world. So I did what I could to make him feel better. After a little tea and some time together, I took him back to his place and tucked him into bed, next to both stuffed animals, kissed his forehead and told him I\'d call in the morning to see how he was.

Yes, I wanted to stay the night, but I decided to honor his decision to keep our space separate. Besides my books came; I have some reading to do.