Quest | By : Pixelgoddess Category: Dragon Ball Z > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 14441 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own DragonballZ, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
She was so stunned at this admission she was unable to do anything as the prince stepped around her to kneel in front of Goku.
"Kakorr," he said, hand cupping Goku's cheek. Goku raised his head and looked at him.
"It wasn't you," Goku said in a voice so soft she could barely hear it.
"I know Kakorr," he said gently. "It was the lizard. It doesn't change what happened to you, or the fact you nearly died as a result."
Chichi wasn't sure what to do. Goku didn't seem scared. She knew Goku loved Vegeta, and it seemed obvious the prince cared just as much. Vegeta was tenderly holding him and Goku had relaxed as soon as the prince's arms were around him. But Bulma's version of what she had seen had been vaguely sickening. And to realize it was real...
The prince stood, cradling Goku in his arms. She was amazed to see her tall, strong ex-husband carried like a child, his arms and tail wrapped around Vegeta. Once he had been picked up, he seemed to collapse in the prince's arms.
"Vegeta..." she began, taking a deep breath and preparing herself for a battle she had no chance of winning. "I can't let you just take him. You have to promise me. I have to know. Will Goku be safe?"
He glared at her, tail bristling, obviously annoyed at being challenged. She glared right back. And then...he blinked, the glare vanished and his expression softened as he looked at Goku's face.
"I have sworn on my honor to protect him from everyone - including myself. I will not harm him," Vegeta said. He turned to leave.
"But why is he so unhappy? What's wrong?" she asked, confused at the sudden change.
Vegeta stopped at her softly spoken question, turning to look at her with indecipherable black eyes.
"I will speak to you...and the w- Bulma soon." He paused. "Do not worry...Chichi...he will be safe with me."
He had shocked her again - Vegeta had used her name for the very first time. She was stunned into silence as he turned and began to walk back to their house. He had gone a few yards before she remembered why she had come this way in the first place.
"Vegeta, wait," she said, jogging after the prince. He had stopped and turned, watching her with an eyebrow raised. "I almost forgot why I was coming over. Here." She placed a capsule in his hand. "I cooked for you."
Vegeta just looked at her a moment, then nodded before turning and walking away.
------------------
Vegeta gently placed his lover on the bed, dark eyes studying him with concern. Kakorr just sat on the edge, eyes downcast. His attempt to remove the brainwashing with the Nameks' help had somehow pushed Kakorr to this. And his insistence on secrecy made it harder on him.
He had done as he had said and let Kakorr go out to be alone. But Kakorr...he had lost control again. Their bond was stronger now and this time not only could Vegeta could feel every single one of his doubts and fears he also 'heard' them. It had taken all of his willpower to stay away. He had been relieved when the woman had shown up. Maybe she could help where he couldn't.
Vegeta hadn't meant to spy, but he had heard their entire exchange, staying home until she had said something about a recording and him hurting Kakorr. He was already out the door and moving as Kakorr began to protest in horror at being 'discovered.' He was surprised and even a little impressed when the woman stood her ground against him, scenting a hint of fear, but she hid it well. He knew she still cared for Kakorr on some level and understood her concern.
He sighed and bent to remove Kakorr's shoes. The mood swings his lover had gone through today had numbed him, and Vegeta just wanted to get him to relax and try to recover.
It had taken him some time to realize Kakorr wasn't deliberately hiding things from him. He just didn't dwell on problems like Vegeta did, so when it came out it tended to be in a rush. And today he had triggered a torrent.
He still didn't understand how Kakorr managed to separate him - the person he loved - from the monster who raped him. He didn't think he could do that. He just wasn't that good of a person. But Kakorr had done it - could look at him and never see the one who had tortured him nearly to death. It was a gift, and Vegeta treasured it, knowing without it they could not have survived.
The first time Vegeta had been raped...he had been sent with Radditz on a purging mission as soon as he got out of the tank. He had been insane then - wiped out an entire planet's population in a single day instead of the allotted three. Afterwards...afterwards he and Radditz began something like a ritual. For every time he was raped Radditz gave him pleasure. It may not have been the method ningens would recommend, but it worked for him. The only real drawback...was it a drawback? When he got frightened or realized he was helpless he demanded hungry, desperate sex, trying to prove to himself he was in control of something in his life.
But he didn't think Kakorr would respond to being raped with violence. Kakorr needed to talk, and the realization he felt cut off from anyone he could talk to about what had happened hurt Vegeta. He rarely had discussed anything with Radditz - that wasn't how he dealt with things. But he was secure in the knowledge he could if he wanted to. And Kakorr was a talker. Everything that had happened had been festering, and now that Vegeta was aware of it he could see how Kakorr was gradually withdrawing.
Kakorr needed the chance to react whether it be with anger - or grief - or something else - over what had been done to him. But in his mind he couldn't - not with Vegeta. That would be too much like blaming him. And Kakorr, while friendly with Piccolo, had never had the level of friendship with the Namek Vegeta and even Gohan had. Vegeta didn't want anyone else to know, so whom else could he talk to?
He cursed to himself. Was he destined to always hurt Kakorr, even if he didn't mean to?
Kakorr was unresisting as his shirt was slipped off, letting himself be put to bed and leaned back against the pillows. Vegeta sat beside him, enfolding him in his arms, twisting his tail around the darker one of his lover's, curling them both around Kakorr's waist. He purred comfortingly and surrounded them both with gentle ki until Kakorr eventually relaxed against him, resting on his chest and shoulder.
"I'm sorry, Kakorr," he finally said. "I keep doing things without thinking about how they will affect you." His fingers tenderly caressed the soft cheek.
"It's not your fault," Kakorr whispered. "I just..."
"You haven't spoken to anyone about what happened to you, have you?" he asked gently. Kakorr didn't answer, just turned his head so his face was buried in his neck.
"Kakorr...you were raped." He heard his lover begin to protest and placed his fingers over his lips. "I know - 'It wasn't me' - but that doesn't change what happened to you. It has been over two months and you haven't dealt with it at all. You can't keep doing this to yourself. I know you Kakorr...you have to do something - talk to someone."
"I can't-" Kakorr protested.
Vegeta closed his eyes. He almost wished Kakorr blamed him. Maybe then he would shout at him, curse at him, even beat the crap out of him - anything to get him past this numb non-reaction. He looked down to realize Kakorr's tail had escaped his own and was now wrapped around his arm as he stroked Kakorr's back.
"You aren't comfortable discussing it with Piccolo or myself, are you?"
"No," came the tiny answer.
"What about your woman - Chichi? You seem to be able to deal with her." He didn't understand their relationship anymore, although he was confident he had nothing to be jealous of. Maybe Kakorr needed the understanding - nearly mothering - she could provide.
"I can't...she doesn't know."
Vegeta was silent for a moment as he considered his options - and realized if he was going to be fair to Kakorr he had none. Kakorr was more important to him than his pride, no matter how much it might hurt him. He had lived with hatred before; he could do it again. As long as he was worthy in Kakorr's eyes, he had to stop caring what others thought of him.
"Then I will tell her - and the blue-haired...Bulma."
Kakorr sat up and stared at him in shock and disbelief. ::No!::
"Kakorr - listen to me. If she has seen the recording then she already knows. You have said all along she can help, but I didn't want to tell her."
"But Vegeta-" he protested.
"Making you keep this a secret isn't fair to you. It is too much like punishing you for being hurt." He could feel Kakorr's mixed relief, confusion, fear and guilt as he returned to his arms. If they stopped speaking to him, blaming and hating him for what happened he would deal with it. He just didn't want Kakorr to continue suffering like this.
::It wasn't you.::
"You keep saying that Kakorr, but I've never understood how you can be so positive."
He was silent, listening to his lover breathe, stroking dark spikes as he felt Kakorr's internal conflict. He had never been able to answer that question before, so Vegeta was surprised when he got a response.
"You... you... disappeared. You were there one minute, and then you were gone. You were so sad - upset - about the chip...and then you suddenly were gone."
"What do you mean?" Today had reminded him how his memory shifted focus when he realized how much he loved Kakorr - but he never thought anyone would have noticed when it happened.
"I-I couldn't feel you in my head anymore - through our bond. When...he was hurting me I kept trying to find you. But-" Kakorr stopped and took a sobbing breath. "I thought you were dead and Frieza- He kept hurting me and all I could think was you were dead and I was too weak and I had failed you."
Kakorr started crying and Vegeta felt helpless. All he could do was continue to hold him, purring soothingly. He could feel all of Kakorr's emotions right now, and the mix of shame, failure and fear was crushing.
::You've never failed me, Kakorr.::
"He was killing me - I was dying - and I didn't care... because you were gone. Then...just before I died - you came back. You were there - and you saved me from him and Frieza. You stopped him and took the chains off."
Kakorr had not spoken so much about what had happened that day and Vegeta was speechless. He really did see his attacker as a totally different person. He wasn't sure he could disagree - the memories did feel more like he was on the outside watching. Now he had a better picture of how Kakorr coped with his attack.
"When you were going to kill yourself... I had already lost you once that day - If I had lost you again I- I wouldn't have been able to survive. Without you... If you had died...
"And then...today...it was like it was happening again. I remembered what it was like to lose you - and it hurt all over again."
Kakorr was shaking, and Vegeta knew he was ashamed at what he saw as weakness. Foolish ningen - there was a time and place for tears and this obviously was one.
::I'm sorry, Vegeta.::
"I'm the one who is sorry, Kakorr. I didn't know." He continued to hold Kakorr, purring for him as he struggled yet again with his own feelings of powerlessness. Kakorr eventually calmed down, relaxing against him, a rumbling purr beginning and his tail starting to sway lazily.
"Vegeta?" he asked groggily.
He made a wordless response as he continued to stroke Kakorr's back.
"What did you do...?"
::Kakorr?::
"When Frieza... when he... when you..." Kakorr fell silent.
Vegeta held his breath. He knew what Kakorr was asking, and of all questions, for some reason he had never expected that one. He had only recently come to something like terms, acknowledging what Frieza and the others had done to him was rape.
::I'm sorry - I shouldn't have asked.::
::It's alright, Kakorr - you just surprised me.::
"I had the advantage of knowing it was going to happen, thanks to your brother," he said thoughtfully. "After I got out of the tanks...I was furious at the lizard for making me feel so weak and defenseless. It wasn't the pain as much as what the bastard said while he did it. It was...degrading. I always hated being called pet and monkey - he just made it worse."
"He called me monkey," Kakorr said softly.
"I know," he said gently before pausing, trying to remember events he had done his best to forget. "We - Radditz and I - were sent on a purging mission-" He told Kakorr how he had butchered an entire planet in his anger, no longer proud of it, but unwilling to lie to him.
::You're not that person anymore, Makoto.::
::That...darkness...never totally goes away, Kakorr.::
Kakorr said nothing, just pressing closer, when he told him about having sex - making love - with Radditz after the rapes.
"Nearly every time I was raped, he was there, making me remember what it was supposed to be. If it wasn't for Radditz, I don't think I would have a son. I'm sure I never would have let you touch me.
"I should have remembered how Radditz had helped me - maybe you wouldn't feel so badly now. Instead...instead I hurt you by making you wait so long before touching you again." He fell silent, remembering.
"He loved you, too."
::I know.::
Thank you," Kakorr whispered.
He drew his sleepy lover closer and purred for him. Vegeta was not really sure what Kakorr was thanking him for, but he was glad he had apparently done something right.
::For telling me...::
He felt Kakorr's smile in his head and it warmed him. "I guess we both owe the hairball."
TBC
______________________
Hurricane Ivan is going to miss us (South Florida) - I think. I seriously considered running away from this one - first time I ever considered out of state evacuation.
If you want an email when I update, let me know.
And...within this story...well, I haven't decided if I'm going to do something with it, but if I do... Who, male or female would you pair Piccolo with? It can't be Vegeta, Goku or Gohan. Since it will probably be a passing mention, it can be an OC. Then again, I might just ignore it totally and leave it as something unresolved.
kitsuneakai13 - I dislike stories that brush off rape lightly. Every victim reacts differently, but I think Goku would feel bad about being weak and helpless. Chichi will get involved - she has changed and to an extent, she is Goku's best friend just like Vegeta and Piccolo.
suisheu - As a kid, for me hurricanes were kind of fun - you know, no school, everyone home, change in routines. There was no such thing as 24 hour scare everyone to death coverage so we got ready and then we didn't worry. I have the solution now - I was trying to figure it out, and then flashed on a der, OMG, of course answer. No - Goku will not stay sad, but he needs to heal. He will be happy again, I promise.
macha - Rape victims often blame themselves, and Goku is no different. Under different circumstances he would go to Vegeta, but because of the brainwashing things are more complicated. And the Kais...well, if I follow through with a plot bunny you will hate them even more.
tsiabriefs - I haven't quite decided what to do about the Kais. They are bastards, and I am cooking up the motive for their actions.
FireFly - *glomps* Author of one of my favorite stories! Goku hides everything - that's what that grin is. Things just got too intense for him.
Jessjess - Krillin is an idiot, but not in the way the Kais are. Maybe 18 should kick his ass for him.
VegetasSquee - Yeah, poor Goku is kind of depressed at the moment. Probably will be down for another chapter or two, but he will get better.
LadyKATT - Give him time - Goku will recover, as will Vegeta.
Kethry - Look! I let poor Goku get hugged and mothered. You are forgiven for not reviewing. Don't let it happen again! *g*
Webtester01 - Goku should end up stronger eventually. The bond should actually help since he is getting some of Vegeta's qualities. Don't hold your breath on the Kais, though.
chayron - *hugs* Thanks!
Renzuite - I didn't mean to torture Goku. Really I didn't. It just kind of happened. But yes, there will be an end to the hurt. Working on it. Promise. I originally started this with the thought of 15-20 chapters. Guess what? If I can finish at anything less than 30 chapters I will be amazed.
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