Live Without You?

This has a little 2x5 romance, mushy stuff in it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Awareness came back slowly and the first thing he noticed was that he was someplace soft and warm. *Bed.* His mind placed. As soon as this revelation hit him, panic welled up in his chest and he tried to scrabble backwards, but strong hands held him to the bed. He lay pressed there for a moment waiting for blows to rain down upon him. When none came he slowly cracked his eyes to stare around him. He was in the blue and green room. Duo looked down at him in concern.

“You can’t sit up Heero. Do you need anything?” he asked. Heero shook his head.

“Heero do you remember Sally’s favorite color?” Wufei asked from across the room as he came closer. Heero nodded. “What was it?” He prompted. Heero looked stricken. He opened his mouth a moment, then closed it, before opening it again in futility.

“You can talk if you want to.” Duo said softly.

Heero waited a moment to see if he’d change his mind then answered. “Blue,” in an almost inaudible whisper and cringed in on himself in fear as Wufei closed the distance between himself and the bed.

“Very good Heero.” Wufei said and ran a hand through his shortened locks gently. “Trowa and Quatre are finishing your soup now.” Heero looked up at him blankly a moment.

“I get more?” he asked softly in disbelief, his eyes going wide.

“You have to eat six or eight times every 12 hours. Doctor’s orders.” Duo replied.

“Is Heero awa…oh good Heero you’re up.” Trowa said pleasantly as he backed into the room gracefully with a small tray in his hands. Heero’s eyes fastened onto Trowa with a predatory gleam. Duo pulled a few pillows from the head of the bed and sat leaning against the headboard. He looped his hands under Heero’s arms and pulled him upwards. Heero couldn’t hold back the moan of pain as Duo slid him gently on the bed and inclined his head against Duo’s stomach.

“First things first Heero we have to take your blood pressure and temperature and such.” Trowa said setting the tray down next to the bed. “Now sit still while we do this.” Trowa instructed. They stuck a thermometer in his mouth and wrapped a blood pressure cuff around his arm, shined a light into his eyes, pricked his finger and tested his blood sugar and all manor of things pertaining to his health.

“You did very good Heero.” Trowa congratulated him. Heero tried to wiggle happily but stopped with a small groan of pain. His fingers fiddled at his wrist nervously, then he raised his good hand to his neck a moment, tears rolling down his face. “Its okay Heero don’t worry, you did very good.” Trowa reassured him and reached for a cup on the tray. “I made some more soup for you.” Heero shook his head slightly. “You don’t want it?” Trowa asked surprised. Heero shook his head again.

*I lost my collar. I’m not good, I’m bad. I don’t deserve to eat. Bad, bad Heero.* he thought despondently and turned his head away from the offered straw.

“Come on Heero please eat.” Trowa coaxed. Heero shook his head again sadly. ‘Why not?” He asked. Heero shook his head and his hand went to his throat again without meaning to.

They argued gently for almost ten minutes before Trowa finally set the cup down brusquely onto the tray and rose from the edge of the bed.

“Well you go back to sleep and we’ll see if you’re hungry later. Night Heero.” Trowa said with a sigh. Duo made as if to argue but Trowa cut him off with a look and left the room carrying the tray.

“Let’s get you tucked back in okay.” Duo said and laid Heero back down on the bed gently. “Good night Heero.” Duo said and laid a kiss onto his gaunt cheek gently and headed after Trowa.

“Good night Heero.” Wufei repeated and brushing back his tattered bangs, kissing his forehead lightly. He shut the door gently as he left. Heero sobbed quietly in the bed and fell asleep quickly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Trowa we’ve got to make him eat.” Duo and Wufei walked into the kitchen past Quatre who was cooking lunch for the rest of them.

“We can’t MAKE him eat Duo. He doesn’t want to. He wants that stupid collar.” Trowa argued. Quatre left, ignoring the conversation completely. No one noticed

“NO!! I will not have him wearing some collar like a fucking DOG!!” Duo’s voice rose.

“Duo I have to agree with Trowa on this. He obviously sees it as a kind of security blanket for whatever reason. Even if its just the he’s supposed to have it on. Everything is different for him now and I think he’s fumbling for his footing still.” Wufei said softly to his lover.

“I will NOT have him treated like a dog!!” Duo yelled again. “He’s human not someone’s pet!” he stated acidly.

“This isn’t really about that Duo. It’s about what Heero needs and I’ll get him a damn collar if that’s what’s going to make him happy.” Trowa kept his voice even but his irritation bled through.

“NO!” Duo argued still.

“Duo he broke his wrist looking for it! He wants to have it and for now I think he should.” Trowa argued back.

“NO!” said again with fire in his eyes. Trowa looked to Wufei in helplessness.

“Love it’s just like your hair.” Wufei said and the fires dampened some. “He holds your hair to comfort himself and that’s what this would be.” Wufei continued the argument. “You’re letting your emotions get too much into this discussion.” Duo looked at the ground thoughtful a moment. Quatre entered the kitchen again and again no one paid him any mind. He stirred a pot of chicken noodle soup dipping some of it into a travel mug, added a scoop of powdered vitamin/protein supplement, stirred it and capped it. Humming softly to himself he put a straw through the opening and left the room again.

“NO!! Heero is not a fucking dog and I will not have him treated like one.” Duo argued.

“No he’s not a dog. He’s scared and he doesn’t know what to do. He’s hurt and he’s trying to trust us and it’s something so small that would help him.” Trowa tried reasoning.

“Duo you’re getting too emotional over this, it’s not the important part.” Wufei continued.

“What if he gets too used to it and he can’t function without it at all. If someone takes it off him is he going to hide in a corner? He can’t be a soldier or a Gundam pilot with that kind of dependency!” Duo argued. “It might seem small now, but we can’t afford to let it grow to something big!”

“I can understand that it’s a valid concern, but Duo you also have to realize, he might not ever be a pilot again. He might not be a soldier. He might always be someone who’s afraid to leave the house or meet new people. He might not be who we knew anymore.” Trowa said gently as Quatre entered the room again.

“I know that and I…I just…I want my Heero back.” Duo choked back a sob as Trowa put his arms around his emotional friend. Quatre came back and sat at the bright yellow kitchen table in a rickety old chair with his elbows placed on the tabletop, resting his lips on his folded hands, eyes closed.

“I know it’ll be hard you were apart for a long time and now you’ve got him back, but let him be who he is now, don’t try to make him who he was then.” Trowa cautioned. “We’ll help you, me and Quatre, we won’t leave you alone.” Trowa said looking up at Wufei meaningfully. Wufei nodded slightly in response his face blank. They were all quiet for a few long moments.

“This is the first time he’s been anything close to peaceful since he woke up.” Quatre spoke suddenly causing them all to jump. “He woke up and was horrified of us, he realized he didn’t have a collar on and was…terrified beyond words. Sally came and patched him up and he was terrified the entire time, but tried to be brave. Wufei and Duo gave him a bath and in the back of his mind he was terrified and he felt guilty. He woke up again and he was terrified, he realized he didn’t have a collar on and he was terrified and guilty beyond words…does anyone else see a pattern here?” Quatre asked tiredly rubbing his eyes. “I’m an empathy and I’m cranky and tired. I’m tired of feeling scared, I’m tired of feeling horrible and I just can’t seem to block his emotions completely. I locked myself in a closet earlier because I was so scared that I was going to be in trouble…” Quatre put his head onto the table and began to cry. “And I didn’t want to get in trouble…” he sobbed. Trowa went hurriedly to his lover as Duo and Wufei crowded around to comfort him.

“Quatre why didn’t you say something about not being able to block his emotions!” Trowa demanded in concern.

“I didn’t want to get in trouble. And I tried really hard to keep you from finding out; I didn’t want you to worry. He’s just…he’s just so…he feels like he can’t do anything right. Like he’s a horrible person and his emotions are so…raw, so strong that I can’t block them. It’s almost like reading his mind! He’s that transparent and I…I just…” Quatre continued to cry. “He needs to be taken care of. He needs to be babied and loved and treated with kindness. He needs to feel secure and safe and…and…that’s what I need too!” Quatre sobbed loudly as Trowa pulled him up from the table and into his arms and hugged him tightly.

“It’ll be okay Quatre I’m right here for you.” Trowa soothed.

“He’s sleeping now, he just finished eating and if any of you try to take the collar away from him I’ll cut off your hands.” Trowa still held him as Quatre spoke in a low voice and looked evenly at Duo. The braided boy’s eyebrows rose and his jaw dropped in astonishment and disbelief, as did Trowa’s and Wufei’s. “I mean it. Leave it alone. If that’s all it takes to get him to eat and stop feeling like he deserves to be beaten and killed then that’s what we’ll do! End of discussion!” He whispered fiercely and squirmed out of Trowa’s arms and to the floor. He left the room before anyone could recover from their shock.

Duo stared after him still open mouthed and blinked a few times. Trowa shrugged and went after his lover. Wufei stuck his finger into Duo’s open mouth causing him to start. Wufei shrugged and hugged Duo tightly, Duo hugged him back and together they finished cooking their meager lunch.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(3 weeks, 2 days after Heero’s return.)

Duo came tiredly to the smoothly polished breakfast table and sank into one of the smooth oak chairs tiredly rubbing his eyes.

“Tough night?” Trowa asked looking up from his plate of steak and eggs concerned. Duo looked at him across the table haggardly.

“Trowa…you are the most protein eatinest mother fucker I’ve ever known.” Duo rasped out. “Who the hell eats a medium-rare fucking steak for breakfast……it’s not even ten a.m. yet.” He let his head thunk onto the table with a thud. “I haven’t slept all night, but I’m starving.” Came Duo’s muffled continuation of the one-sided conversation. “Heero only just went to sleep like ten minutes ago. I told him I’d stay awake until daylight and I did.” A servant came and set a plate of food before Duo. “Thank you Dale.” He said without looking up, the older man in his thirties patted Duo on the back gently and left. Duo knew every single one of the servants in Quatre’s estate by name and sight. All seventy-five of them, how he kept track of them all was beyond Trowa. He could practically tell you most their life stories. Duo was just a people person. “He wouldn’t sleep…He said he was scared. Have you seen Wufei yet?” he asked suddenly. Trowa shook his head in silence, knowing Duo couldn’t see him, but also knowing it wouldn’t matter. Duo’s leg began to jitter up and down in nervousness. “I hope he yells at me…I can’t stand it when he does that silent cold thing.” He said dejectedly.

“I had a mission last night, I got back a little earlier and haven’t slept yet. This is dinner…but I’d eat it for breakfast too. I do know what you mean though. I’d do almost anything to keep Quatre from doing the silent treatment.” Trowa commented. Duo pulled the plate forward and began to pick at his food.

Quatre and Wufei entered the room together, the blond giggling at something that Wufei had said. They sat at the table on either side of Trowa.

“Trowa Wufei and I slept together while you were gone last night.” Quatre said once a servant had brought their food and left. Duo head shot up to stare at the blond in a murderous rage.
**Rich Heir Killed With Fork!** the headline flashed through his mind.

“Was it good?” Trowa asked mildly and Quatre slapped his shoulder lightly.

“Trowa! Don’t be a pervert!” he chided. “You know what I meant!” Duo relaxed as he realized that Quatre actually meant they’d slept, nothing more. Wufei stared across the table at him in silence as he watched the emotions play over Duo’s face. Duo felt Wufei’s gaze and looked over to him.

“Morning.” He sent out croakily not even trying for a smile. Wufei nodded in silence, giving him a blank look. *Shit!* Duo thought to himself as his shoulders slumped. Trowa sent him a sympathetic glance. Duo left well enough alone and went back to picking at his food absently. He’d claimed to be starving, but since the food showed up he just didn’t really want it. Maybe he should just hit the sack. He’d have to wake Heero in a couple hours anyway, might as well sleep. They were letting him sleep through the night now and had him on a half solid, half liquid diet.

“Duo…” Wufei’s voice his thoughts much to his surprise. He normally had to coax the dark-haired boy into a conversation hours after he decided to do the cold shoulder. Duo looked up into his black eyes, his own violet orbs no longer holding the gleam they once had. “Duo I know that we said we needed to spend more time together…” Wufei began.

*OH SHIT! Here it comes!* Duo thought in dread.

“…and we really haven’t…”

*He’s going to break up with me!* Duo rested his head on his folded hands and let his bangs hang over his face to hide the sudden tears that sprang to his eyes.

“…I was just thinking that we should…”

*Oh, please don’t leave me alone Wufei! I can’t do this alone!* he begged in his mind unable to keep from crying.
“Okay.” He croaked out pulling back his tears and letting the fallen ones dry in his hair.

“I…” Wufei began.

“It’s okay Wufei, it’ll be fine.” He stated with an upraised hand to stop any further talking. He didn’t think he could stand it if the words were actually spoken. He rose a little unsteadily to his feet and left the room quickly.

They all looked at each other in confusion. Wufei sighed.

“That…Didn’t come out properly did it?” He asked and bagged his head against the table repeatedly. “Stupid, stupid, stupid!” Was muttered loudly. He jumped up from the chair and rushed from the room hurriedly. He ducked back in quickly. “Thanks Quatre!” he called and left again. Trowa looked at his lover.

“I told Wufei to go on a date with Duo today. I’ll watch Heero. Duo needs to be away from him for a little while; he’s wearing himself too thin. Not letting anyone help him take care of Heero.” Quatre explained biting into a large strawberry from his bowl of fruit.

“He does it because he feels that it was his fault, like he owes Heero something. I can’t even imagine…I don’t know what I would do if I lost you, thought you were dead, found you only to have also fallen in love with someone else. It’s a wonder he hasn’t had a nervous break down yet.” Trowa stated sadly. “I’ll help with Heero also. They need some time alone and I miss seeing him. Duo’s taking up all his time.” Quatre laughed at that.
"I'm just still trying to figure out what they did to his hair!" Quatre exclaimed still laughing and Trowa joined him. They’d been told about the entire history of Duo and Heero’s relationship when they’d gotten to the shithole that they’d stayed in as a safehouse when they’d first rescued Heero. Throw Wufei into the mix and you had something fit for daytime T.V. drama or a good angsty-smut novel. But in their hearts they hoped it would work out for the best.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wufei rushed into the hallway to start looking for Duo. He didn’t have to go very far. The hallway from the kitchen branched off into a little used dead-end that had a few mostly empty storage closets in it. He happened to look down the hallway to see Duo sitting on the floor in the corner with his back against he wall. Wufei’s shoulders dropped in heartache as he walked forward. Duo’s quiet sobs were punctuated with the random hiccup and Wufei couldn’t help but smile a little inside. It was just too damn cute! He quietly sank to the floor and quickly pulled Duo into his lap, causing the other boy to yelp in surprise and struggle to get away.

“You’re cute you know that.” Wufei said holding him tighter. He pressed the other’s head against his shoulder and held it there until he felt him relax his muscles. He slipped a hand under Duo’s shirt, the same shirt he’d worn for the last two days, and ran a hand across his skin comfortingly. The taller boy wrapped his arms tightly around Wufei’s neck. Wufei shifted him to the side and slipped an arm under his bent knees, holding him bridal style as he leaned back against the wall. He pressed Duo tightly against his chest, nuzzling his face against the other’s hair. Most people would look at them and think it odd that Wufei, who was shorter, would be the more submissive of the two, but he wasn’t in this case. He realized that when they’d started their relationship, Duo had been fragile emotionally and needed a lot of comfort in a lot of different forms. Wufei was more than willing to be the strength his love needed. “As I was saying…I think we should go out today. We could go to the movies or dinner or something.” Wufei said once the crying and hiccups and slacked a bit.

“Heero…” Duo began worriedly but Wufei put his fingers over his lips gently.

“Will be fine. Quatre and Trowa can take care of him just fine and so can I. You are going to stop killing yourself over something you couldn’t control.” Wufei told him. “You’re going to let us help him get better as well, besides if Quatre doesn’t get to see him soon he’ll start breaking vases or something.” Wufei said jokingly and Duo smiled. His face still stained with tears as he sniffled slightly. “You’re just too adorable!” Wufei exclaimed and kissed his nose. Duo lay back on his shoulder sighing lightly. “You need a nap first though.” He stated and rose smoothly to his feet and carried Duo toward the room they shared. “You’re cranky.”

“I am not!” he stated horrified.

“Yes you are, you didn’t even let me finish talking.” Wufei told him smiling. Duo laughed a little at this and snuggled closer sighing softly. Even though he was taller he was glad that Wufei could and did carry him around like it was nothing at all. It made him feel same, loved, content. He felt like he could, even if only for a moment, just leave all responsibilities and Wufei would take care of them for him. He’d cared for the other children after Solo had died, he’d cared for people on the streets, he’d cared for the people of the colonies by fighting a war for them, he’d cared for Heero. Wufei wanted to care for him it was a nice change. He wasn’t angry about caring for others, he didn’t have to, he wanted to. But sometimes he just got sooooo tired. And Wufei helped him to carry some of his weight from time to time. He’d always been there to support him, even when they were just friends, even after Duo pulled some horrible practical joke on him, Wufei had always come through and been very direct with, never skirting the issue, but getting straight to the point. He loved it when Wufei pampered him, although he almost felt bad about it sometimes.But Wufei assured him that it was okay and he enjoyed taking care of him, so he let him. Like he was doing now. Carrying him when he could walk, holding him gently. Duo loved these little moments. He snuggled closer and let himself be loved as they walked to their room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

More is one the way never fear!