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The More I Learn to Care For You - Roy's POV	By : ZaKai Category: Fullmetal Alchemist > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 3280 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Full Metal Alchemist, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 7
- 8
- 9
Review Replies:

Amethyst-eyed Koneko:�
Well, I appreciate your leaving me a comment here as well ^_^� *laughs* Yes, Roy is definitely being an
idiot in this one, but then, I think people who are in love generally tend to
be idiots heh� empress-eerian-sadow:� Thank you.�
AnA La PaNa83:�
I�m glad you liked it.� Anon: Sorry it�s taken so long to get
this out.� YourSeme: Sorry it�s taken so long to get this out.� I did add you to the update list so you
should have gotten the email.� Also, I
would definitely not forget about Blind Obsession. ^_~� The next chapter is almost ready and I
hope to have it up in a few days.� MustangsHavoc:� *laughs* yes, Roy is an idiot, but I think he�s a confused
idiot too since he�s never felt for anyone else the way he has for Ed.

All of Ed�s dialogue belongs to Kikiko.� Also, Doctor
Maple�s dialogue in this chapter belongs to Kikiko as
well.

-

The More I Learn to
Care For You�Roy�s
POV

Chapter Eight

Letting Go

-

For the
next couple of days, Roy
stayed at home; stayed in bed.� He hurt
both physically and emotionally, and all he wanted to do was forget the world
and all his troubles.� The pain
medication helped wonderfully with that.�
He�d been trying to wean himself off it for when he�d have to return to
work, but after the confrontation with Ed, he just wanted to sleep it all off,
so he was back to his normal dosage.

Of
course, it wasn�t that easy.� His
troubles followed him into his dreams.�
Sometimes he dreamt of Ed, sometimes of the accident, sometimes of Hakuro and the impending trial.� There was no getting around the fact that Roy was in deep shit with
the military.� Perhaps if he had a kinder
and more understanding commanding officer it would be different�or even if he
had one who didn�t have a deep grudge against him.�

But things
weren�t different, so he�d just accept that.�
The same with Ed...� If he were a
different man, then perhaps he�d feel worthy of having Ed, but he wasn�t and he
didn�t feel that way.� Ed deserved better
than him.� He deserved someone who wasn�t
an asshole.� He deserved someone who
would treat him right...

Ed would
recover, and he would go on because he was strong like that.� Roy
was sure Ed was doing much better now than he had been the last time he�d gone
to see him, but then, he really didn�t know for sure.� He hadn�t called in to check since that
day...

As if on
cue, the phone rang and, turning on his side, Roy reached over and, cursing whoever was
calling this early in the morning, felt around until he found the
receiver.� Picking it up, he sleepily mumbled,
�Hello?�

�Colonel
Mustang?� a male voice said.� �I haven�t
heard from you in several days.� I was
getting worried.

Roy frowned.� Doctor Maple...� Roy
sighed heavily then murmured, �It has been several days, hasn�t it...�

There was
silence on the other end of the line for a few moment
then Maple said in a serious tone, �Colonel, we need to talk about Edward.�

Yes, let�s talk about him, doctor,
Roy thought.� Let�s
talk about how I want him back.� Let�s
talk about how I seem to be messing up so much recently.� Let�s talk about how it will kill me to see
him with someone else, even if it�s in his best interest...

He said
none of that, however.� Instead, he said
wryly, �What has he done now?� The
hospital is still there, right?�

�This is
quite serious, colonel,� Doctor Maple said sounding a little frustrated.� �Edward is refusing his medication.�

Refusing his medication? Roy thought worriedly.� �And why is that?� he asked, trying to sound
as disinterested as he could.� Better
just to distance himself from the whole thing... yet he wanted to know�needed� to know...� �He�s stubborn, but he usually has a reason,
no matter how absurd it is.�

�He�s
complaining of crying, but this medication hasn�t been known to affect patients
like that.� He can�t go without his
medication for long, but since he�s brought up his desire to stop this
particular course of medical treatment, and because he�s underage, I have to
contact you for further instructions.�

There was
a slight pause as Doctor Maple cleared his throat, then, �There are other drug
therapies we could try, but he�s responding well under this drug protocol, and
I wouldn�t want to change without further provocation.�

Roy blinked and frowned deeply.� They didn�t seem to understand that Ed really
was considered an adult by the state.�
Unless Ed had been injured under deployment or something similar, Roy really couldn�t order
Ed to take the medication.�

Sighing
heavily, Roy
said, �Doctor, look, Ed is practically an adult.�� Practically because he didn�t act like it sometimes...� �It�s his body.� If he wants to change medications, then let
him.�� He paused, a sudden thought
occurring to him.� �Unless
you have a reason for not wanting to give him something else?�

�As I�ve
already stated,� Maple said.� The patient
tone the man used reminded Roy
of someone talking to a child and he felt the sudden urge to just hang up on
the doctor.� �He�s responding well under
this drug protocol.� I wouldn�t advise
switching unless the need arises since the chance for an allergic reaction goes
up each time we switch.�

Roy scowled at the wall.� So basically what the doctor was saying was
that he didn�t think Ed was having any sort of reaction to the medication, and
that Ed was just being stubborn.� Sounded
like Ed...

�Okay, so
what do you want me to do about it?� Roy asked in
exasperation, already thinking he knew the answer.� The thought of seeing Ed again made his heart
beat quickly in his chest both from eagerness and from fear.

�I would
think, colonel, that as his
commanding officer, and someone who has been here everyday since Edward has
been admitted, that you would take a more concerned attitude when I call you
with something of this nature�especially since you�ve constantly been on the
entire staff�s case on his condition, and badgering us to do a job that we are
more familiar with than a colonel who thinks he can drive a car when he knows
he doesn�t have the skill!� Doctor Maple said in an angry,
and unprofessional tone.

Roy�s eyes narrowed at the sharp
words, but before he could say anything, Maple continued.� �Now,� he said in a slightly softer tone, as
if trying to get himself together from his outburst.� �I would like for you to come down to the
ward, talk to Edward, and see just what is behind this sudden request to switch
medications.�� There was a pause, then Maple said, as if it had just occurred to him, �While
you�re at it, he needs toiletries and a change of clothes.� Do we have an understanding, Colonel
Mustang?�

Inside, Roy was seething.� If this doctor thought he could get away with
insulting him, and then trying to order him around
when he had no authority over him, he was wrong.

�Doctor
Maple,� Roy
said in a calm, flat voice.� �As you just
pointed out, you and your staff are more familiar with what to do in medical
matters.� It isn�t my problem if you, the
doctor in charge,� he emphasized with
disdain, �cannot get his patient to do something.� In the state�s eyes, Edward is an adult, and
has been since he was twelve.� The state,
our government, ruled by the military, has deemed it so.� This is his choice, not mine.�� And with that, Roy hung up the phone.

Rolling
back onto his back, he looked up at the ceiling and sighed heavily.� Not the most mature thing, hanging up on
Maple, but it made him feel a little better and the doctor hadn�t exactly been
the pristine picture of professionalism either.�
He didn�t think the doctor realized that Ed most likely wouldn�t
appreciate seeing him.� There really
wasn�t anything he�d be able to do that would be helpful.

Roy closed his eyes, trying to sleep,
but the conversation wouldn�t go away.� �He�s complaining of crying...� Maple�s
words floated in his mind.� Roy swallowed hard
wondering if it had been because of him that Ed was crying...� Probably... Despite
his hard exterior, Ed could be really sensitive sometimes...� But didn�t Ed realize it was all for the
best?� Surely Ed would be fine.� He�d go on with his life, find someone who
would treat him well and forget... he�d forget�

Roy squeezed his eyes and tried not
to let it bother him.� After all, wasn�t
he doing this for Ed�s own good?� Did it
really matter if he hurt over
this?� He�d already caused Ed so much
pain, wasn�t this equivalent?�

Maybe...

Maybe
not...

Pulling
the blankets to his chin, Roy
again tried to push all the thoughts away; tried to ignore the fact that he
desperately wanted to see Ed again.� It
was better this way.� Besides, he hadn�t
liked how Maple had tried to push him around.�
He wasn�t going to visit Ed and he wasn�t going to go pick up his
things, and that was that.

;-;-;-;-;-;-;

Roy turned the key and heard it click
before turning the doorknob and opening the door to Ed�s small dorm room.� His first thought upon seeing the dorm room
was that someone had broken in and searched the place.� Books and clothes were thrown everywhere, and
there were places where papers were scattered about.� Ed�s bed was unmade, and the bedding was onto
the floor.

He�d
never seen the place in such disarray.�
It was then that a thought occurred to him.� Ed always knew when Roy was coming over.� Roy
never just popped in and surprised him, so he�d probably always cleaned up
before hand... �

Stuffing
the key into his coat pocket, Roy
closed the door and gazed around in a sort of wonder.� It was as if he was seeing a side of Ed that
he�d never seen before.� He searched the
book strewn floor wondering how Ed even got to his bed.� The floor was barely visible, like the sky on
a cloudy day.� You could only get a
glance if it here or there.

He
couldn�t help but wonder where the hell Ed put all this stuff when he�d come
over before.� Glancing at the open closet
at the back of the room, Roy
thought he�d found his answer.� After
all, he�d never seen that closet
open.

Tentatively,
Roy made his
way to the bed and sat down.� He already
felt exhausted from the trip here.� He
hadn�t moved around this much in days.�
Leaning his crutch against Ed�s nightstand, Roy laid back, and
rested his head on the pillow.� He
instantly regretted it as his head met something hard that rested beneath it.

Reaching
underneath, Roy�s
fingers touched a book, and he thought with a bit of amusement that only Ed would sleep with a book...� Pulling out the offending book, Roy took one glance at it
before letting it plop down on his chest.�
He felt his amusement drain out of him and disbelief filled him...
disbelief and a little bit of pain.�
Holding the book back up, Roy
stared at the cover of the book he�d given Ed last holiday season.

The book
was worn, the edges a little frayed and the pages softened by use.� It was obvious that Ed had read through the
book many times�sticky notes marked many pages and there were notes both
written on the pages themselves and written on loose papers and stuffed into
the book.� He turned it over in his hands
and inspected the worn cover.� As ludicrous
as it seemed, Ed really might have even slept with it, though Roy doubted he�d slept on it.�

With a
sigh, Roy set
the book down on the nightstand, then blinked in
surprise when he saw a cup with dead flowers on the corner of the
nightstand.� They were the remains of the
flowers he�d given to Ed on New Year�s Eve... The corpse-like flowers were dry
and brittle, and when Roy
sat up, he could see dead leaves and petals dotting the nightstand.

Roy tore his eyes away with an
effort.� All of this was just making him
so damn sentimental...� Ed wasn�t his
anymore.� He needed to just forget him;
just needed to push all of the memories out of his mind because it just hurt
too damn bad to think about them...

Getting
up, Roy moved
carefully over the mess on the floor and opened the top drawer of Ed�s
dresser.� He was here to get things for
Ed, not sit around thinking about the past.�
Reaching into the messy drawer, Roy
began pulling out socks and boxers, then stopped when
his hand rested on one particular pair of boxers.�

More
memories invaded Roy�s
mind as he remembered buying these boxers for himself.� The first time he�d washed them they�d shrunk
and he�d given them to Ed because they�d ended up close to his size...� Ed had worn them so often that the fabric had
become thin, and the seams had become frayed.�
Roy had
finally felt the need to suggest Ed perhaps move on to wearing other boxers and
perhaps tossing these ones.� Ed had
agreed reluctantly and Roy
had never seen him wear them again; yet, the boxers looked even more worn since
then and he had a feeling Ed had never quit wearing them.

Feeling a
little frustrated, Roy
glanced around the messy room wondering if he was going to be assaulted by
memories the whole time.� The last thing
he needed right now was to be shown just how much Ed had cared for him.� It served to prove just how much better off
Ed was without him...� Ed deserved better than him.

Roy swallowed hard as other memories,
distant ones that he�d much rather forget, came to his mind.� Memories of a younger him and of a person
he�d cared for as much as Ed cared for him.�
Roy
shook his head, angrily trying to get rid of the memories.� He�d been young and so devoted to that
person...� He shook his head.� That was the past and it didn�t reflect on
the now.�

With a
deep breath, Roy
looked around for the large book bag Ed often used when he went to the
library.� It would be easier to deal with
then trying to pack that monster of a suitcase Ed owned.� Taking another step, Roy nearly stumbled on a pile of books in an
effort to get to the bag, and growled irritably as he snatched it.� Ed was smarter than most, but the kid had
absolutely no organizational skills...

Packing
what supplies Ed needed into the bag, Roy
was about to leave when he picked up the book he�d given Ed, and, on impulse,
stuffed that into the bag as well.� He
looked around at the mess, thinking perhaps that some other books would be good
too, but decided to leave sifting through the bog for another time.

;-;-;-;-;-;-;

Roy stared around the foyer feeling
both glad that he couldn�t see either Doctor Maple or his staff, yet frustrated
because he�d love to just drop the damn bag off with one of them without having
to see Ed...� Yet, he did want to see Ed... but
he didn�t want another confrontation with him...

He
started slowly toward the door.� At the
very least a nurse could have taken the bag for him.� Moving on the crutch was a pain all in
itself, yet carrying the large bag filled with Ed�s things was frustrating
because it kept moving back and forth making it hard for him to find his
balance.

When he
got to the door, Roy
carefully balanced himself as he turned the knob, then
pushed open the door lightly before letting himself into the room.� Turning, he shut the door and grunted at it
as if to show his frustration.

Letting
his breath out, Roy
glanced down to where Ed�s bed was located and felt disconcerted at the fact
that Ed was awake and looking at him.� Roy supposed he�d hoped
Ed would be asleep so that he could have his fill of looking at him before
quietly slipping away.

Roy met Ed�s eyes before breaking off
the uncomfortable eye contact and starting forward.� When he got there, Roy carefully set the bag down on the end of
Ed�s bed.� Silently turning to leave, Roy glanced at Ed and
felt a lump form in his throat at the way Ed was staring at him.� Golden eyes seemed to beg him to stay, and
when Ed opened and closed his mouth, Roy
couldn�t resist.

Sitting
down and resting his crutch against the table, Roy tried to make himself appear
businesslike, but wasn�t able to let it carry through his voice.� �I was contacted by your physician.� It seems you�ve been making trouble.�

Ed sighed
and looked down and away.� �I�m
sorry.� I... it�s been... hard.� I�� Ed frowned, then looked up at
him.� �I�m glad you... came.�� The last was whispered, and he looked away
again.

For a
moment, Roy was
quiet as he digested what Ed had said, and how he�d said it.� There was so much he wanted to say, but he
settled on a soft, �Of course I came.��
He paused as he realized what he was doing and mentally kicked himself.� He wasn�t here to make up with Ed.� Changing his tone, Roy said, �I think that Maple and his staff
aren�t prepared to deal with someone as troublesome as you.�� That
was an understatement, Roy
thought irritably.� �I couldn�t very well
let them suffer.�� He could, and he
wanted to, but this was a great excuse despite the fact that was a complete
lie.

�I�m
sorry,� Ed said started to explain quickly.�
�I didn�t mean to react like that.�
I mean, I wouldn�t hurt the nurse on purpose, but I was really angry and
I wasn�t thinking straight.� It�s like my
head is all messed up,� Ed said with a wave of his hand.� Frowning, he continued, �I mean, I know I
knocked the thing down, but�okay, yeah it came close but not that close.� There was a good few inches between her nose
and the stand-thingy.� I just needed to
get my head clear and these drugs aren�t letting me do that, so I wanted to
change them, but they won�t listen to me �cause I�m not legal yet.�

Ed rolled
his eyes, but it didn�t interrupt the flow of words coming from his mouth.� �Which is so
stupid�and just now, I mean after they changed my bandages, they wanted me to
go to the damn playroom.� With all the
other kids!� Hello,
is it any wonder that I freaked out like that!��
Ed flipped his hand in disgust, then paused in his rant and said in a
deflated tone, �So yeah...� as he shifted to his side with a pained look on his
face.

Roy just stared at Ed feeling
confused and slightly amused.� It felt
sort of good to see him talking so freely.�
It was as if there was nothing wrong between them at all, yet the quick
and nervous pace did much to destroy that impression.� And what was this about the nurse and
knocking something down?� And taking Ed
to the playroom?� That was absurd...

Clearing
his throat, Roy
decided to address the most important points.�
�I informed Doctor Maple that both the state and I consider you to be an
adult.� It�s really up to you if you
switch medications or not.� Though I
think you should know that most medications have some sort of side
effects.� I don�t think a fuzzy head
warrants changing prescriptions.��

�But what
does the doctor think?� Ed asked.� �He
still gave me that shit when�after he�well, I mean it sounded like you weren�t
coming so... he just gave it to me anyway.�

�The
doctor thinks you should stay with this mediation as well, though I�m not
agreeing with him because he�s the doctor,� Roy said and felt irritated all over again at
the tone Maple had used with him earlier.�
Pushing those thoughts away, Roy
continued.� �If you really want to change
medications, I�ll talk to him about it, but like I said, I don�t think it�s
really necessary.�

Ed
glanced down at his bedding, then pressed his lips
together.� �Well, I don�t know, but
I�m... I mean, I don�t act like this normally, but I�m...�� He trailed off and looked up before looking
away at the windows on the far side of the room.� It took him a few moments, but finally he
said, �Hakuro came to see me.� �He frowned and looked back at Roy, looking him in the eye.� �I don�t know what you put in your report,
but I don�t think I said anything harmful.�

Roy flinched at that, but worked to
relax his body.� Hakuro
came to talk to Ed?� He hadn�t even
thought that Hakuro would do that, but he should have
supposed that he would.� Roy really wanted to demand that Ed tell him
everything he told Hakuro, but he didn�t want Ed to
know what was going on.� This was his
problem, and he wouldn�t let Ed take this on himself.

Roy took a deep breath.� With an effort, he ignored what Ed had said
about Hakuro, and as he let the air out, he said,
�Well, medication can mess with how you act sometimes, but that doesn�t mean
it�s not the best one for helping you heal.�
It won�t be forever.�

�Yeah, I
guess,� Ed said, then fell silent.� He looked uneasy, and Roy suddenly wanted very much to leave.

After a
few moments of silence, Roy
shifted forward a little and said, �Well, if there�s nothing else?�

�Oh,
wait!� Ed exclaimed quickly, then reached out and grabbed onto his coat sleeve.
�Roy
stopped and looked at Ed, hoping this had to do with the matter a hand and not
with anything that would be too uncomfortable to talk about.

Golden
eyes met his challengingly, and he said, �Stay.�
Please.�� Stay?� He didn�t want to stay.� He wanted to leave before Ed started talking
about more intimate subjects, but a conflicting part of him did want to stay,
and that part won out.�

�Alright,�
he said quietly and moved slightly to settle back into the chair.

Ed tugged
at the sleeve he was holding. ��Give me
your hand,� he demanded.� �And you�re
going to tell me straight how it is with us now.� No more lies, no more half-truths.� I wanna know how
come you...attacked me like that�please.�
I need to know.�� Ed�s demanding
tone had slipped into one of begging.

Roy stiffened slightly.� Hadn�t Ed understood what he�d meant the last
time he�d been there?� Didn�t he realize
that they were finished?� The last thing Roy wanted to talk about
was that morning.� It was an agonizing
thing to even think about and part of him just wanted to say to Ed, �I don�t
know what you�re talking about�, but that was an answer he would have given to
the others he�d been with.� Ed deserved
better than that... but Roy
didn�t know if he could give him what he wanted.

Again Ed
tugged on his sleeve.� �Give me your
hand,� he demanded again.

He
searched his memories to find the right thing to say, and felt frustration well
up in him at what he found there.� Ed
wasn�t the only one who wanted answers...�
�Why don�t you tell me why you�d been so distant,� Roy responded.� �Perhaps you should tell me why you seemed to
be less interested in our relationship.�
What was it to you, Ed?�

Roy paused, almost reluctant to go on
because it seemed almost ludicrous coming from him, but he�d wanted more from
Ed than he�d ever wanted from anyone else.�
�Was it the sex?� Was that all it
was?� he asked.� Perhaps he deserved to
have the tables turned on him...� �Am I
getting too old for you?� What?�

He wanted
to go on, but he was already embarrassed at having asked what he had.� Unable to meet Ed�s eyes any longer, Roy looked down.� He didn�t like sounding so needy.� It made him feel weak and it reminded him of
how he�d been with...

�What!� Are you insane?� Ed cried.� �I wasn�t getting tired of you, dumb ass. �You were giving me mixed signals that I
couldn�t make sense of.� I thought you
were seeing someone else!� But then you
called me up drunk, and then I knew you weren�t, and I felt stupid for doubting
you!� I thought we�d made up!� Why did you act like that then?� Ed demanded,
his voice rising, and each sentence punctuated by a tug on his sleeve.� At the end, Ed gave an extra hard tug.

Roy gritted his teeth together and
asked angrily, �Why wouldn�t you confide in me?�
Why wouldn�t you let me take care of you?� We didn�t make up; you were just trying to
flatter me into giving you what you wanted.�
Why did you get upset when I was just trying to be honest with you?� You asked me a question and I answered you
honestly, but it wasn�t good enough for you.�

It was as
if a flood gate had opened inside of him and as much as he wanted to stop the
words, he couldn�t.� �I gave you what I�d
never given to anyone else, Ed�the truth.�
I gave you a piece of me and when you realized that not all was perfect
you got pissed off and wanted to leave.�
I�m not good enough for you Ed.� I
know it, and you know it,� he finished bitterly.

Ed stared
at him in disbelief for a moment then said in a hurt tone, �I didn�t want to
tell you that I hadn�t eaten for almost three days �cause I was worried as hell
that you were leaving me, and I didn�t want to bother you
since we�d just �made up�.� And as for
getting pissed when you were honest with me about why you liked me, I didn�t
like how you threw your past exploits out there so casually.� I�m sorry I didn�t realize that you were
putting yourself out there.� I handled it
badly.� I�m sorry that I have a temper
and I can�t ever be calm when I need to be, and I�m sorry that I always speak without thinking.� I�m sorry for being me, so please, can we
stop this craziness and go back to the way we were now?� Ed said,
passion and pleading both in his voice, then, �Please let me hold your hand.�

With a
sigh of resignation, Roy
let Ed take his hand.� So many
misunderstandings on both their parts...�
It was good that they were clearing some of them up, but Ed didn�t seem
to understand.� He wasn�t leaving Ed
solely because of misunderstandings.�
He�d never wanted to treat Ed the way he�d treated the others, and this
had only proven that he couldn�t be trusted not to do the same thing again.

Roy frowned as Ed began rubbing his
hand, and thought briefly about taking it back.�
He didn�t want to give him the wrong impression by letting him hold his
hand, but he selfishly let Ed keep a hold of it.

�Ed...
I�m just not good for you...�� He
paused.� Telling Ed more about his past
relationships wasn�t something he wanted to do, especially after what had
happened the last time he�d been honest, but he felt it was necessary to make
Ed understand.

�I...
You�re not the only one with a temper, though I guess you already know that by
now.�� Another pause, then, �There�s a
reason why I never dated anyone very long, Ed...� It wasn�t all about wanting new �conquests�...�� He paused again, not wanting to say it.�

�I
haven�t been very... kind... to the people I�ve dated in the past.� I never respected them.�� Another pause.� �Basically they were there for me to
fuck.�� He glanced up at Ed to see how he
would react, then looked away.� �When we... got together... by the time we actually
had sex�like I said before�I�d already realized I wanted something more from
you.� I realized that I... I actually
respected you...� I wanted what we had to
be different.� I worked very hard to keep
myself from saying things I shouldn�t when I was angry.�

He shook
his head in self-disgust.� �That
morning... I did to you what I�d done to them.�
I knew what I was doing, but...��
His voice softened to a whisper and he said, �I did it anyway,� then he
let his voice return to the tone he�d been using before.� �And you suffered from it in more ways than
one.� You shouldn�t ever have to worry
about that.�� He returned his gaze back
to Ed.� �Do you understand?� Do you understand why I can�t be with
you?� Do you understand why you�d be
better off with someone else?� he asked and hated the hurt, pleading tone his
voice held.

Ed looked
down.� �No, I don�t understand.� So you got a temper too, it�ll make the make-up
sex even hotter,� Ed said with humor in his voice and Roy frowned deeply, not at all amused.� When Ed spoke again, his tone was more
serious.� �Roy, I don�t want anyone else.� It�s you or no one, you got that?� You keep saying I�m an adult, but you�re
making this decision for me �cause you think of me as
a kid despite what you say to the contrary.�
Let me decide how, and what, I think is acceptable to me, okay?�

For a
moment, Roy
said nothing, simply looked at Ed as the teen stared at him with determination.� He should have known Ed wouldn�t
understand.� Yes, Ed was definitely
maturing, but he didn�t have the experience that Roy had.�
Finally, he said, �I don�t think of you as a kid, Ed, but you are
inexperienced.� You really don�t
understand.� It got very ugly with some
of my past flings.� I refuse to let it
get that way with you.��

He looked
down at the hand Ed was holding, the hand that Ed had given little squeezes to
while he�d been trying to explain...� In
a whisper, he said, �You deserve better than me.� There is better out there, you just don�t
know it yet.� I�m giving you the freedom
to find that out.�

Ed
sighed.� �You�re not hearing me, but you
know what?� That�s okay because I�m not
giving up.� I can see that you really
like me, and this is killing you.�� Ed
pulled Roy�s hand up to his mouth and kissed the
knuckles while he kept his eyes on Roy.

Roy looked at Ed feeling slightly
bemused.� Hadn�t Ed complained of getting
that sort of treatment?� Well, Roy supposed turnabout
was fair play, and he said, �I�m not a woman, you know, that you need to kiss
my hand.�� Truth was that he sort of
wanted Ed to kiss his hand again.� The
truth was he wanted to make up, but he was the adult here and he had to act
like it.�

Ed
chuckled and, as if reading Roy�s
mind, gave the hand another kiss before smirking.� �You�re in for it when I get outta here, you know that right?� I�m not going to let you outta
my sight.� You know all that
determination I had for Al? �Well that�s
all on you now.�

Roy frowned, that wasn�t exactly how
he�d planned for this to go.� �Ed...
perhaps I didn�t make myself very clear...� he began.

�Sure,
sure, I got ya,� Ed said.� �You�re being all self-sacrificing, but
that�s your decision, I�m not accepting it,� Ed explained and gave a little
shrug.

Roy felt his eyebrow twitch as
irritation pricked at him.� �Self-sacrificing�?�
Well, perhaps he was, but Ed would know about self-sacrificing... his
automail arm was proof of that.� He
should know that sometimes you had to sacrifice for another�s happiness.� Still, he couldn�t help feeling slightly
offended at those words and pulled his hand away before getting up and grabbing
his crutch.

�It�s not
self-sacrificing; it�s what�s best,� Roy
said.� Shaking his head, Roy opened his mouth to
say something else, then sighed heavily.� He didn�t have the energy to keep up with Ed
on this right now.� He already felt spent
and he hurt.

�Hey!� Where are you going?� Ed asked and reached
for Roy�s pant
leg.� He missed and shuffled to the edge
of the bed.

�Home,� Roy explained.� �I�m exhaust� I have things I need to do,� he
finished.� He didn�t need any pity from
Ed.� Didn�t need it, didn�t want it.

�But
you�ll come back?� Ed asked and looked up at Roy from his pillow, still trying to reach
for the pant leg.

�We�re
not a couple anymore, Ed,� Roy
said bluntly.�

Ed
frowned.� �So what?� We can�t even be friends?�

Roy stared at Ed for a moment.� Friends would be nice.� It would be better than fighting, and it
would keep the peace in the office when both of them returned.� But being friends after breaking up,
especially when one of the people didn�t want the split, could be
complicated...

Finally,
he started away, and said, �I�ll think about it.�� There were pros and cons to this.� If Ed couldn�t accept that they were over,
that could cause some difficulties; yet, if they weren�t on good terms, that could also cause problems...

�Hey�Wait!�
Ed called.� �Come back!� Roy?� No fair, you can�t leave like that!� Come back!�

�Goodbye,
Ed,� Roy said
without either stopping or turning back.

�Roy!�

Roy stopped at the door, opened it,
and walked out.� Ed called his name one
more time before the door closed completely behind him.� Sighing, Roy realized that hadn�t gone at all
how he�d thought it would, though whether that was good or bad, he wasn�t sure
yet.

--

Be sure to check out Ed�s
POV!� The link is in my profile.

Note:�
I�m sorry it�s taken so long to get this chapter out.� We�d hoped to get it out before now, but
there have been a few set backs.� We
definitely haven�t forgotten about this story and it will be finished
eventually.

If you
would like to be added to the email
update list for this story, ether leave a comment saying that you would
like to be added and your email address
or send me an email at zakaii(at)gmail(dot)com.

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The More I Learn to Care For You - Roy's POV