A Cost Too High

Ed stood there completely mortified. The smell of alcohol was strong in the room and he figured that the man was drunk. Yes, that had to be it! That was the only reason that General Mustang would say something that completely out of line!

“Roy…” Ed seethed and clenched his fists, both fists – even though it caused tremendous pain to shoot up his arm, “I would rather have heard you call me a microscopic bean, than hear you talk like that about me.” His bangs fell down over his eyes and as he continued to speak in a cold quiet manner that was barely loud enough to be heard over the record.

“I apologize for my behavior, General; for my arm… and for the other thing. I didn’t mean for you to hear,” his teeth ground together as he spoke, “if you really wanna know why I said your name, it was because I was angry with you. Angry that you saw me in such a state! And angry because I knew you’d be listening for me! You told me earlier that I often overlook your hearing. Well that the first time in my life, I’ve even been loud and it’s just my damn luck to have a professional eavesdropper just down the hall!” His quiet demeanor turned to yells and yet he was restrained.

“Don’t get the wrong idea, Roy, if you do anything to me; it’s piss me off.” Ed grumbled and turned his attention to the side table. Reaching down he grabbed the large white pill and popped it in his mouth, then he grabbed the bottle of Scotch and drank from it. There was about half of a bottle left and he couldn’t help but wonder how much had been there at the start. The liquor seared him on the inside and as he pulled the bottle from his lips his face puckered a bit and he growled at the intense heat, but the taste itself was not unpleasant.

“I think you’ve had enough, General.” Ed said with a half smirk on his lips, “I’ll just hold onto this for you.” Moving at a slow, unsteady pace, Ed started down the hall. He’d just lashed out at Roy and said things that he didn’t feel were true. It was all from anger and embarrassment. Even now he felt his heart pounding in his chest and his cheeks were flushing from more than just the presence of alcohol in his system. He was so ashamed.

Roy shook his head and groaned as he pushed himself off the sofa. “Wait, Ed, come back. I’m sorry, it just slipped out of my mouth.” But Ed was already half way down the hall. Roy left the record playing and the light on to follow the blonde alchemist.

It was slow going and he limped the whole way but he followed Edward into his bedroom, not Ed’s room, but his. He thought it a little odd that Ed should choose his room over the assigned guest room and he managed to get there before Edward could slam the door in his face and lock him out.

Once he was in side, he closed the door so Riza wouldn’t overhear. He reached for the bottle of scotch, “I really am truly sorry, Edward. It’s just a bizarre situation and I don’t know what I was thinking, probably wasn’t. I promise it won’t happen again.”

He held his hands up in entreaty but dropped them when pain and imbalance from drinking too much made his head spin. He limped toward the bed and sat on the edge.

“You don’t have to apologize for anything, it’s a natural thing. I’m happy you felt comfortable enough to do it in my house. I was a little worried that you weren’t normal in that aspect. But you’re a healthy young man after all.” Fuck here it came, the thing he knew he wasn’t going to be good at.

“Look, its fine and I’m sorry I said what I said. And I really wasn’t trying to listen in; I put that record on so I wouldn’t. It was a poor choice in records. You have my word, I won’t tell a soul living or dead, anything and I’ll pretend it never happened. Just don’t be mad at me, please. I don’t really like it even if you are rather adorable when angry. And please, don’t drink that. It’s not good to mix medication with liquor. If you want a drink tomorrow, I’ll give you one, but not tonight. I don’t want you to get sick.”

He shook his head for he was a damned babbling mess and far less eloquent than he should have been.

Of all the opponents, human and homunculi, which he’d ever faced, he didn’t think there was a single person that could make him more furious or vulnerable than this damn man. His intentions were good and his smile was charming, but he was unpredictable.

Ed stood still, cradling the bottle of Scotch, while he listened to the General. So, touching himself was healthy? Ed wasn’t so sure. And then came the man’s plea for him to not drink anymore.

“Heh, you’re worried about me mixing medication and alcohol?! What about you? You look like a teetering ogre!” He uttered a frustrated growl and then took a deep breath, “Fine! I won’t have anymore tonight. But if I’m going to abstain then so are you.” He plopped the bottle down onto the man’s dresser and then moved toward the bed, sitting down beside the General.

“This is really awkward.” He stated and then sighed, “I didn’t even want to do it… I tried to ignore my body, but I…” no, he couldn’t tell Roy about his fantasy, about the way he watched Roy’s broad shoulders sheen over in the sweat of his effort. He couldn’t tell him about how his hand and hips worked together to match the thrusts of the fantasy Roy as he penetrated the person beneath him.

Immediately his face flushed and Edward looked away. Gritting his teeth he said quietly, “I’m not really angry at you, Roy. I’m just… really embarrassed. No one’s ever heard me before… not even Al.”

An Ogre? He didn’t look like an Ogre, he was far too handsome, even in this state, and just when he was about to argue the point Ed started talking and it wasn’t comfortable. He eyed his Scotch longingly.

Roy sighed and wet his lips. At least Ed wasn’t mad at him, that was positive. But he had to clear this up because there was nothing to be ashamed of and he didn’t want any more bad experiences to leave Ed any weirder than he was.

“Don’t be ashamed, everyone masturbates. The body needs that kind of release and sometimes… I can’t believe I am trying to explain this to you. You’ve got a lot of emotions raging within you. You can only ignore so much for so long before the body takes charge and demands for a release of some kind and sometimes it manifests in ways a person thinks is tacky or wrong but it’s natural and it’s okay… It’s so like you to have to learn it the hard way and not at all like me to have to explain it. Hughes would be better at this; he could always explain things and was much more comfortable doing so... sometimes too comfortable.” He really wanted a drink, he wanted to finish that whole bottle never mind the horrendous hang over he would have in the morning.

He ran his hand through his hair, “I’m not good at this so just know it’s fine, I won’t tell, you’re a normal young man, and I think we both need a drink after all. Just one, only one. Then it has to be put away in the bar so Riza doesn’t find out because she’ll shoot our toes off if she does.”

Ed was still trying to wrap himself fully around the man’s words when the call for more alcohol was heard. Tentatively he moved over toward the bottle of Scotch. As his hand closed around the bottle neck he went ahead and took his drink, guzzling down an amount that he was sure could equal a glass or two. When he pulled it from his lips, he found that his tongue was numb and his belly felt completely on fire. Bringing the bottle over to Roy, he handed it to the Flame Alchemist and waited for him to swallow down his own portion of the amber colored liquid.

When Roy was finished, he took it back into his hand and headed toward the door. Pausing in the doorway he turned and looked at Roy. “You said you’re not very good at these kinds of talks, but… it, um… it did help. So, thank you for that.” He bit his lip and sighed, “See you in the morning, Roy. Sleep well.”

With that he turned, not even waiting for the General to protest. Back in the living room, he tended to the record player, killed the lights, and then took a last long drink of the scotch before recapping it and putting it back where it belonged in the bar cabinet. As Edward set the bottle inside he was a little taken aback by the volume of bottles the General had.

Each label was something different and Ed imagined that a great deal of them had been gifts for the holidays and various other occasions. That still left quite a few that Roy had acquired on his own. How often did this man drink? Ed was curious but not about to rush back into the General’s room to start yet another awkward conversation.

Instead he just closed the door and then curled up on the couch. There was a blanket nearby and he pulled it over himself. Tonight he would sleep here. Hawkeye would see him first thing in the morning since she would have to pass through here to get to the General. Edward wanted to apologize to her; that was one reason for choosing to sleep here. Another reason was because he couldn’t face his own room right now, it felt too restrictive, and he sure as hell couldn’t face the General right now.

Edward didn’t understand his little fantasy and he didn’t understand how he was feeling, and even though Roy seemed painstakingly tolerant of such matters, Edward didn’t want to burden him. And, there was always the possibility that Ed would get hard again and no matter what the General said, it was damn embarrassing and he refused to be put in that position again.

Roy sat alone in his room for several minutes before he decided that he needed to go to the bathroom and he needed to find a little something to eat and to drink some water so tomorrow wouldn’t be so bad.

He managed to clean up the mess of blood and put Ed’s stained shirt in the hamper while he was at it. He hurt too much to really do it but he didn’t like leaving messes like that lying around.

Getting to the kitchen was rather troublesome. He was moving around in the dark and bumped into a few things along the way and some of that was due to the wound in his leg making him limp. When he’d eaten a piece of bread and had a glass of water he decided that he didn’t want to simply return to his bedroom and try to sleep, no matter how exhausted he felt. So he tried the living room. Perhaps a record or the radio might provide some kind of distraction. However, he went to sit on the sofa, he found a small body in the way.

Damn, he thought, realizing it was Edward and that Ed was quite literally out. He didn’t want to wake him and make him move, he’d been there first. Roy’s only choices were to return to bed or to sit in his favorite chair. He didn’t think his body would appreciate sleeping in the chair where he couldn’t lie flat and he really didn’t want to be lectured. So he dragged himself back to bed and lay down to stare at the ceiling.

*

He slept deeply thanks to the pill and the alcohol. Slowly waking from a dreamless void, his eyes fluttered open revealing only a blur of early morning light mixed with the darkness of the room. He could hear someone moving around. “Roy?” He whispered and found his throat to be very dry and sticky. He needed water.

“No. It’s me.” A soft feminine voice replied and immediately Edward sat up and rubbed at his eyes.

“Hawkeye…” he cleared his throat as best he could. “C-can we talk for a minute?”

She looked a bit concerned but nodded. Even in her civilian clothes and with her hair tugged back in an unprofessional pony-tail, she looked very official. Moving to the couch and sitting at the far end, she angled herself so that she could sit properly and still face Edward. All this protocol exhausted Edward and he really didn’t feel like she needed to trouble herself with keeping up appearances to someone like him, someone who didn’t really put stalk in the military.

As he scooted down the couch so that he could be closer to the woman, his arm began to ache horribly but he ignored it for the time being. “Um…” he wasn’t sure where to begin, but as he opened his mouth to say more, Riza interrupted him.

“I shouldn’t have hit you, Edward. I apologize for my behavior and I assure you, it won’t happen again.” Her tone, though laced with emotion, came out very strict and cold, as if she were treating this as some damn Military briefing.

“Well… actually, I wanted to say thank you.” He paused for a moment and then continued in a soft voice, “I promise I’ll take better care of myself. I know you’ve got your hands full with the General; you don’t need me adding to your worries.”

He sat there, not able to face her for several moments half waiting for her to say something and half waiting for her to leave. Finally when she did neither, Edward raised his eyes to meet hers and he saw true softness there in her brown orbs.

“H-Hawkeye,” he spoke softly, “please don’t worry too much about me. Don’t forget that in order to take care of the people you love, you have to take of yourself as well.” Where the hell did that come from? It felt like something that Teacher would say or maybe even Hawkeye, herself! Yet, he meant it and felt that it was true. He’d often been told that the only way he’d help Alphonse get his body back was by making sure to take care of the bodies they had at present. It was a bittersweet thought.

Her face softened further as a tiny smile tugged at her lips. “I know that, Edward. Thank you.” With that she stood once more, this time her demeanor a bit more relaxed. She looked to be heading to check on the General.

Acting on impulse Edward stood on his wary legs and then darted the few steps to catch up with her. He moved around in front of her and then hugged her. His arms trembled as he held onto her. He must have seemed just like an infant as he embraced the woman who had slapped him just the night before. Lifting his chin, he avoided smothering himself in her bosom and instead pressed his face to her chest, the place just over her heart. To his relief he felt her arms encircle him and she held him back for a few moments. They didn’t say anything as they mutually eased their grips and let go. As Edward stepped aside, he could feel his face blushing.

She ventured out of the room, leaving him to think about everything on his own. Damn. He wanted a cigarette so bad right now. And some pain meds while he was at it; his arm was starting to really throb, especially after that hug. Surrendering a sigh, he decided that he might as well take care of one of those things, and headed down the hall to his room. When he passed Roy’s room, he peeked in and saw the man just starting to wake up. Asshole probably didn’t even remember anything from last night… at least that’s what Edward hoped. Rushing on to his room, he quickly found his cigarettes and lighter.

It still didn’t feel right smoking in the bedroom, so he slipped back to the living room where he curled up on the couch and proceeded to make himself high on nicotine.

Roy didn’t want to wake up. His head hurt, his body screamed from moving around more than he should have the night before, and he was still tired. Riza was at his bedside ready to change the dressing for his face and asking him what he wanted for breakfast. He didn’t really want breakfast; he felt sick but knew he had to eat something.

“I’ll just have some toast.” He replied and she went to work on him, “And my medicine.” She nodded and quietly doctored his face. When she moved to leave the room, he caught her hand.

“Riza,” She paused and looked back at him but he tugged in askance to have her sit on the bed beside him. When she did he wet his lips and did exactly what he and Ed had talked about the night before.

“I know, Riza, I know it was one of your bullets.” She stiffed but he shook his head, “No, don’t go, it’s alright. I don’t blame you and I could never find fault in the woman who saved my life. It was an accident and I would rather lose an eye than my life.” He smiled and brushed her bangs from her eyes, “Stop carrying so much guilt. I still want and need you at my side. We are friends, family; don’t let this accident stand in the way of that. I’m not. Just help me recover and move on so I can do what I do best.”

“I’m so sorry,” she breathed on the verge of tears.

“Don’t cry,” He said softly, it would kill him if he saw her cry. “If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be here for Edward and neither would you. Nothing's perfect, the world's not perfect. But it's there for us, trying the best it can; that's what makes it so damn beautiful. You can’t be perfect, Riza, I can’t be, no one can but we do what we can and make do with the rest.”

He smiled, “Go make breakfast and call the guys over for me, I don’t want to be stuck in bed all day again and Ed needs contact to keep his mind from wandering to destructive places. More than that, you need some help today because I want you to take it easy.”

*

The quiet of the morning was shattered just before noon. Just like clockwork, Mustang’s men arrived in force: Breda, Falman, Fury, Armstrong and Havoc. Prior to their arrival Edward had managed to brush through his hair and pull it into some sort of ponytail. He’d also let Riza wrap his injured arm with gauze so that they wouldn’t see the extent to which Edward’s whim had damaged him.

As he pulled on a pair of loose fitting lounge pants, he realized that he really didn’t have any clothes here. It didn’t bother him, but he hated being made to look even smaller because of the loose fabric hanging off of him.

With a sigh, he ignored the pants for now and pulled on a tank top that fit snug enough. About an hour before the boys arrived, Riza gave him a pain pill and it helped relax him as well as helped sap some of the ache away.

Ed was sitting on the stairs on the front porch when the group of men arrived and then poured out of the overstuffed vehicle. He gave a soft wave. Amazingly enough Armstrong kept it together, while Breda, Fury and Falhman seemed skittish around the young blond alchemist. He couldn’t help but wonder if the General had informed them of the cause of his arm bandages. Were they disturbed by it? Oh well. It was when Havoc made his way to the steps that Ed stood up.

“The General and the First Lieutenant are inside.” He stated the obvious, but it was the only thing he could think of that would get them moving along, leaving him alone.

Except Havoc… As the man with the cigarette dangling from his lips, tried to pass, Edward reached out and gently grabbed his arm. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

Jean Havoc gave a guarded nod. Again Edward wondered how much he knew and if he thought Edward to be suicidal.

“Sure, Ed.” He finally stated.

Leading Jean over to the side of the porch, where they could sit down, Edward sighed and stammered lightly, “I smoked the rest of my cigarettes… c-could you maybe…” before he finished asking, Havoc pulled out his pack and handed one over to Edward. “Thanks.”

“Damn, I can’t believe you’ve smoked both packs already. I’ll have to get you some more when I run errands for Hawkeye today, but you owe me, kid…It’s weird, of all the nasty habits I thought you’d pick up, I sure didn’t think it would be mine.” He muttered a lazy grin on his face.

With a frown Ed replied, “Were you thinking I’d pick up the General’s nasty habits instead? Womanizing and drinking?” He focused on the tip of his cigarette as he lit it up. With a slight break in his frown he offered, “Or maybe you thought I’d start ripping off my shirt at the drop of a hat and scaring people with my fabulously flexing muscles.”

Jean laughed, “You know, as long as I have known him, I still don’t get why he does that. Must be some kind of quirk and his little sister is just as strange.” He sighed, eying Edward. “You know, you should come with me today. Looks like you need some clothes and I bet some other things and it might be good for you to get out of the house for a bit.”

***

Roy was glad to see his staff arrive. Breda explained that Havoc was on the porch with Edward. Falman, seemingly down to business all the time, gave Riza what he’d complied on Roy’s morning request, via the phone, of possible things for Alphonse’s funeral. Roy wanted a decent head stone and a decent casket, not coffin, but a nice one to bury a little of Al’s things in. Fury stood to the side muttering to Armstrong about Ed’s arm and Roy, who was now dressed in comfortable house clothing, sat on the sofa.

“How bad do you think it really is, the General didn’t say.” Fury asked the tall, bald man.

Armstrong looked to Roy in askance. Roy sighed, “It’s not as bad as it looks, but I wouldn’t stare or mention it.”

“Should one of us stay to help watch over him?” Armstrong asked.

Roy really considered it but he didn’t have an extra guest room and he didn’t like the idea of his men sleeping on his sofa when they could be sleeping in their own beds. He shook his head. “Frequent visits will suffice. Besides, he can’t get too far or be missing for too long without knowing that I’ll send people after him.”

“How’s he been doing here? I mean, other than cutting his arm?” Fury asked worriedly.

Riza stepped in, “He’s been acting like a cat. He mostly keeps to himself, wanders about the house or outside, and sometimes slips in to see what we are doing.”

The room fell silent for a few moments and then Breda said, “It’s just not going to be the same is it?”

“No, it’s not.” Roy replied. Thankfully Havoc poked his head in.

“Hey, I was thinking that I’d take Ed with me when I go run errands for Hawkeye. Mind if I take him to get some clothes?” Havoc asked.

“Actually, that’s not a bad idea.” Roy replied. It might be good for Ed to get out and away from the house for a little while and focus on something else for a bit. “Just take him to the bank and pull some money from his account. Last I saw, his balance was well enough that he can afford a shopping trip. And if he wants to go to a book store or some place like that, take him and don’t ask questions.”

“Make sure he gets something other than black tank tops, jackets, and black pants, please.” Riza added almost motherly.

Havoc grinned, “Got it. Oh, do you have that list for me?” She nodded and he followed her in to the kitchen.

“Mind if I go with them?” Fury asked. Roy shook his head and Fury joined Ed on the front porch to wait for Havoc.

Ed shifted back and forth on his feet. He’d finished the cigarette a little while ago and was waiting for Havoc to slip back outside so that they could go run a few errands. There had been mention of him purchasing some clothes and since he was presently without much of a wardrobe to choose from, and he only had house shoes to wear, he decided it might just be a good idea after all.

Taking a deep breath he folded his arms over his chest as he continued to wait. At last the door opened but it was Fury who slipped out, looking expectant and nervous. “You coming along?” Ed asked and offered the man a smile, it was very small but it was genuine.

He nodded and looked ready to say something when Havoc suddenly emerged from the house and clamped a firm hand down on Fury’s shoulder. “Shall we?” Jean grinned, baring his teeth amidst the cigarette that still dangled there.

*

They went to several places that Edward had neither need nor interest in entering. These places were where Hawkeye had business and Jean alone ventured inside while Ed and Fury sat in the car. It was at the third place where the two of them were left alone that Fury finally turned in the seat so that he could face Edward, who sat alone in the back.

“I think this is the last stop for errands for the First Lieutenant… so, after this, is there anywhere you wanted to go?” He asked in a nudging tone, as if he were trying to coax Edward toward some specific place.

It worked.

“Well… there’s this shop. I’ve only been there a few times. I don’t even know what it’s called but it does baked goods. Al always talked about eating there when he got his body back.” His throat tightened. “A-anyway, they have really good chocolate mousse pie… I haven’t been able to stomach much but that sounds… well I think I just need some.” Maybe it was just comfort food, or maybe it really did sound like something he could keep down without having to run to the bathroom. Either way, when Fury had asked where he wanted to go, that had truly been the first place he thought of.

Before they started running errands, they had taken Edward to visit Central Bank and he’d withdrawn a fair amount knowing he’d be buying clothing, shoes, and cigarettes, but now he just wanted to hand it all over for the most perfect chocolate mousse pie. Somehow it seemed that would make everything better.

“We can do that!” Fury looked almost relieved. “I know the place you’re talking about. Funny you should mention the chocolate pie… that’s the General’s favorite, too.”

“Is it?” Ed lowered a brow and half smiled.

Fury didn’t have time to reply as Havoc reappeared, carrying a few large envelopes intended for the 1st Lieutenant. As he seated himself in the car he spoke in a puff of smoke from the eternally present cigarette, “So where we headed, kid?”

“I want pie.” Ed said flatly.

“We can do that. But let’s do that just before we head back to the General’s place. Where to in the mean time?”

“I guess… clothes. And cigarettes.” Edward said this almost as if he regretted bringing it up. He didn’t want to go clothing shopping. He just wanted his normal clothes and shoes. It felt like such a waste to actually spend time seeking out such things.

*

An hour later, Edward presented a variety of clothes to his ‘escorts.’ Both men scrunched their noses at the selection.

“Uh, Ed… did you ever think of wearing something other than black?” Fury asked in a tentative voice.

“But that’s what I like.” Ed replied somewhat confused. “It’s my money. I can get whatever I like.”

“Well, yeah, but…” Havoc shrugged, “how can you say that’s what you like when you haven’t even tried anything else? I mean look around this place… it wouldn’t kill ya to branch out a little.”

Narrowing his eyes, Ed’s hands clenched. “Is it because I cut myself? Is that why the two of you are treating me like a fragile child? Or did the General put you up to this?”

“Nothing like that!” Fury explained nervously. “Hawkeye just…”

“Edward, it’s because you’re not a child that she wants to see you looking more like an adult. Get some nice slacks, you know. A dress shirt or two. I mean, you can get whatever you want, kid, but if you want people to start taking you seriously then you need to present yourself in more than just black on black on black.” Havoc chided him softly but insistently.

He held his stance for a moment and then let out a surrendering huff. His shoulders sagged and he set the assortment of black clothing down on a small side table meant for newspapers and coffees. Part of him was angry that his choice of clothes was being called into question and another part of him was filled with sorrow. It was just Ed now. No large suit of armor for him to hide behind. Just Ed and apparently he needed to look distinguished and mature because he was all grown up now. Grief and loss... those tend to make a person grow up and Ed knew all about that.

Not even talking to the other two, he went through the racks of clothes and picked out the most stereotypically 'mature' clothing he could find. By the time he had found a decent selection, he was holding four dress shirts, two of them white, one of them a soft mauve color, and the other an steel grey; four cotton undershirts, all of them white and form fitting; two pairs of dress pants, black and straight and narrow; two suit jacket just as black and narrow; a pair of brown slacks with matching brown vest; and even a couple of neck ties, one of them purple and one of them black. Honestly he felt like he was shopping for some sort of social event, but he didn't care. He wasn't buying these clothes for himself; he was buying them to keep Hawkeye and everyone else happy. If he could keep them happy then they would just leave him be. But that wasn't what he wanted either.

As he handed his selection to the tailor and was led to the fitting area, his brow furrowed and he had to fight had to keep from letting his lip tremble. This was the first time in his life that he didn't really know what he wanted. He didn't have a goal, didn't have a course of action, didn't have something to keep him on track, to keep him positive, to keep him pushing forward. He was so utterly lost.

Watching the tailor working to shorten the pants and take in the waistline, he felt like he was a stranger to himself. Havoc poked his head around the corner and mentioned that the tailor might want to leave an inch or two to grow since 'Edward might rediscover food at some point.' Great, so the General had told them that he wasn't eating. Or maybe they could all just tell from the way his collar bones were starting to protrude. Didn't matter; Ed just stayed quiet and nodded at Jean's suggestion.

An hour later, he had purchased every piece and even picked up two pairs of shoes; a pair of soft brown loafers and a patent leather pair that held such reflection it might as well have been a mirror.

From the clothing store they made a quick stop at a tobacco shop where Edward proceeded to buy a carton of cigarettes - the expensive kind... the kind the General smoked. Havoc muttered a comment about it, but Ed ignored it. He wasn't trying to be a copy-cat, and he wasn't trying to impress the man. He just happened to enjoy the smell a bit better and this way he could... share if the General was so inclined to smoke with him.

As that thought crossed his mind though he cringed thinking about how angry he still was over the man's comment. But more than anything he couldn't believe the General had been privy to something so intimate. Always having prided himself on being such a private person, this situation bothered Edward to his core.

The last stop was the cafe and bakery. With a deep frown Ed told the men he could handle this alone and then slipped inside the small establishment. Just like the time he was here before he was immediately overwhelmed with the sheer magnitude of sweets and pastries that lined the glass display case. Blinking at the assortment he must have looked stunned for the young girl behind the counter smiled and offered her assistance.

"You see anything you like?"

Ed nodded and then pointed at a tray of petite fours with shaved chocolate slices garnishing the top. "I'll take two dozen of those." He said, thinking randomly that he might surprise everyone back at the General's place with some treats. "And... I want a chocolate mousse pie. But I don't see any..." he started to get upset as he looked this way and that.

"Oh, don't worry. A woman bought the display pie just a few moments before you came in, but we have two more made up in the back, chilling in the freezer."

"I'll take both!" He spat out before he realized what he was saying. Blushing in embarrassment he looked away. She emitted a soft chuckle and told him that she'd get everything packed up for him. When she had loaded everything into a crate just to make sure that nothing was squished, she told him the price. It was fairly expensive but it didn't really register for Edward. The ends justifies the means when it came to food.

Roy was glad to hear Havoc, Fury, and Edward come home. They had been gone most of the afternoon and Riza was already starting to get diner ready. Falman was in the kitchen with her lending a hand where he could, where she would let him. Breda was napping in the corner of the living and had been for the last hour, which had left Roy with Armstrong.

Alex Louis Armstrong was a man of many talents, many that Roy had depended on and found of great value over the years. While the tall, muscular man knew he would never replace Hughes, he was still a good and valued friend. However, no matter how Roy asked or tried to weasel some kind of information, even the tiniest bit, Armstrong wouldn’t budge. Hawkeye must have him by the balls to keep him quiet at a time like this. Or perhaps, Armstrong thought he was protecting him again. The man had withheld information from him before…

So as they sat playing a rather tense round of chess, he was thrilled to see the blonde alchemist and the rest of his staff shuffle into the house. Havoc and Fury seemed to be helping Edward carry in quite the load and thankful for the distraction, Roy leaned in his chair to try and get a peek into the closest bag carried by Fury.

Hawkeye came from the kitchen then, “Fury would you mind helping Falman set the table and keep an eye on the oven for me?”

“Yes, Ma’am.” Fury replied setting the bags he carried down, “Oh, Ed, did you want me to take the stuff you got from the-“

“Yeah,” Ed replied and held his bags up for Hawkeye. Almost as if they spoke telepathically or had some unknown silent language or understanding, the General watched as his 1st lieutenant took a seat on the sofa and accepted the bags. She inspected every article of clothing, holding them up to the amazingly tolerant blonde.

Roy had to admit, the clothes looked decent in every way of a blossoming young man but they bothered him. He had to wonder how much of this shopping trip was Hawkeye influenced or guilt tinged and how much of it was Ed getting himself much needed new attire.

Riza smiled approvingly, “These are all very nice.” She lifted her hand brushed his bangs from his face. “After supper and your bath, I’ll trim your hair for you. You have my word that I won’t take too much off.”

Well this was just… Edward wasn’t a doll and he wasn’t… He could see maternal behavior flooding out from Riza and Ed was vulnerable enough to allow it he supposed and after last night… But Riza was giving him play by play instructions, babying him. While Ed was allowed a time of mourning, if Riza kept up like this, Ed might never take control of his life again and Roy felt that was worse than the boy’s demise.

Ed needed something, something familiar, something that spoke Edward Elric. Even though his little brother was gone, Roy wouldn’t let Ed lose himself in grief and think that his life had only been for his brother, that he’d not be much of a person without Alphonse because that just wasn’t true.

Armstrong said something about the clothing, about Edward’s fine choices. Ed seemed a little agitated by the comment and stuck a cigarette in his mouth and lit it faster than anyone could be surprised or protest.

“Since everyone is either occupied or under strict orders to keep me in the dark about everything,” Roy looked pointedly at everyone concerned except Edward, “I’m going out back for some fresh air.” He started to get up from the sofa and found Armstrong’s strong hands helping him up.

No one said anything and didn’t seem too inclined to stop him despite his blatant pout. Annoyed, Roy hobbled stiffly to the back door and took a seat at the deck table. Havoc joined him, letting the screen door slam. He lit a cigarette and passed it to Roy before lighting one for himself. Roy perked the only eyebrow he seemed to have left but accepted the cigarette none the less.

“A pep talk from you?” He asked Havoc.

Jean snorted, “Me, nah, you’re better at them anyway.” He nodded toward the shed, “Is that where Ed…”

“Yeah,” Roy replied grimly. “Armstrong’s already been out to seal it shut. If Ed gets into it again, he’ll have to use alchemy to break the seal and we’ll know it was him if the seal is broken.”

“Sounds good, but how are Breda and I supposed to do the yard work if we can’t get in?” Jean asked.

“Has she got chores for all of you?” Roy asked referring to Riza.

Havoc chuckled, “You could say that, don’t worry it it’s nothing we can’t handle and it’s just little stuff here and there.”

Roy didn’t like that either. He could hire a lawn service to tend to his lawn when he couldn’t. He already had a house keeper who came once a week to take care of the laundry and little things here and there and during the week he tried not to make too much of a mess. What was Riza trying to do exactly? She couldn’t work her guilt away, couldn’t plan it or busy it away. She had to face it and she knew that he didn’t blame her…

The General sighed, “So if you’re here to help can you do me a favor?” He asked and took a long drag off the cigarette.

“Probably,” Jean replied hinting that depending on what it was he might have to clear it with Hawkeye.

“Tomorrow go back to that place Ed bought his clothes. They should still have his measurements so get him pair of black pants, tank top, and black jacket. The jacket doesn’t have to look the same as what he used to wear, just as close as you can get it. I don’t care what Hawkeye says, Ed is still Ed and I won’t have him lose what little is left of him. He needs things that remind him of himself, things that had some comfort however small. I’ll give you the money for it after dinner.”

Jean nodded, “I can do that. Although, it’s our fault he didn’t get his usual-“

“Because of Riza.” Roy interrupted knowingly, “And because of her, Ed gave in. That’s fine, but he’s got to have something that he can identify himself with.”

*

Ed watched the General go and then breathed an unconscious sigh of relief. He hadn’t talked to the man since their ordeal last night. In truth Edward still felt ashamed and he hoped that Roy was perhaps drunk enough to have forgotten certain moments and things overheard.

Managing to slip away from Hawkeye’s attention for a moment, he carried the baked goods into the kitchen with Fury’s help. They didn’t chit chat as the young man located a serving platter and set the petit-fours out on it. Slipping one of the chocolate mousse pies in the back of the freezer section of the fridge, he then set the other down in plane sight inside the chilled box. He figured that one of the pies was fair game but the other one was for his own selfish consumption.

Returning to the living room with Fury, he presented the serving dish to everyone. Riza nodded at him as if making sure to show him how much she approved. Though it felt strange to take cues from this woman, it felt good to know that he was making her happy. His face still vaguely stung from her hand slap and he was going to make damn sure that he did everything in his power to please her.

“Thought you guys might like something sweet.” He explained mildly and then sneakily vanished, heading to his room. Moving fast, he abandoned the small wardrobe he’d just purchased. He wanted some time to think and breathe. Hawkeye’s words came to him and he wondered if he actually wanted her to trim his hair. Whether she took little or took a lot, he wasn’t sure he wanted to lose any of it! Even the frayed edges… it was all part of who he was and with the way Hawkeye was talking, he worried that in time there would be nothing left of him that was the same. Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad… but his hair? It didn’t need a trim. As he shook his head and reaffirmed to himself that he wouldn’t let her touch it, he heard a soft pawing at his door.

“Come in?” He called and cocked his head.

“Need help!” Fury called back, his voice muted and muffled through the thick wood door.

With a raised eyebrow, Ed took up from the bed, where he’d been sitting and pondering his hair. A moment later he opened the door and understood why Fury needed help getting inside; the young man was carrying everything that Ed had bought at the dresser and shoe seller earlier that day.
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A/N: Don't know how I goofed on posting the chapters but I did and thank you eviscera for catching it for me.