The Prince Bride

Disclaimer: Neither DBZVelena or ShenLong own in any way, shape, form or
matter any rights to the Movie/Book "The Princess Bride" All rights
remain with Act III Communications and William Goldman, the appropriate
copyright owners. This story is purely for entertainment purposes, no money is
being made here. This fic, "The Prince Bride" is based on this
movie/book but with several twists and Yaoi content. This fic also contains many
direct quotes and scenes from the movie/book.

Rating: Since both stories are rated PG.-13 and this fic is based on them. Most of the fic will be PG.-13. However be careful to check individual chapters to be sure. (Debs might add a lemon, you never know...)

Warnings: Violence, romance, lime, fluff, cheesy-ness, and lots more.

Pairings: Lots! *snicker*

A Yaoi story based on the Movie/book The Princess Bride and Gundam Wing. This story is brought to you by the combined efforts of DBZVelena and ShenLong.

Authors note: DBZVelena: I'm going to do a few chapters at once, that will help Debs a bit... I hope I won't get another headache like yesterday... Too late, moan...
BTW, sorry ShenLong, but its in the movie!
ShenLong: Ack! More random insanity. *pours M&M's down the throat* Wheeeeeee sugar high!!!

Please Note: This chapter rated R

The Prince Bride

Chapter 9

"A Battle of Wits"

Treize stared closely at the imprints in the dirt amongst the ruins of the castle above the Cliffs of Insanity. "Seems there took place a mighty duel." He placed his feet inside those on the ground and began to follow the footsteps.

"It ranged all over." he continued as he began to prance and dance as he mimicked the movements. Soon he was jiving from place to place looking for all the world like he was trying out for a part in the chorus line for Saturday Night Fever.

The group of Maguanac Guards began to snicker as Treize continued his rendition of the sword dance. Idly they wondered if he would be doing the can can next.

Princess Relena became annoyed at the bad display. "Quit with the fox-trot already and tell me who won."

Pausing to stare intently once more at the marks Treize came to his conclusion. "Both were masters of the art." he said quietly.

"Of the Tango?" snapped Relena.

"No the art of sword play." Treize replied a little miffed. "The loser ran off in that direction..." Treize pointed, "... But the winner went deeper into OZ territory."

"And you can tell all that just from some scuff marks on the ground?"

"Tracking was a pre requisite at the academy for villains." Treize responded haughtily. "I graduated top of my class."

"Now it makes sense as to why you can always be found rolling in the dirt." Princess Relena muttered. All she wanted to do was find her Prince Heero, get married and jump into his spandex as quickly as possible. "Must we track them both?"

Treize looked at the spoilt Princess. "No. The loser is of no concern. We need only to follow those that have your precious Prince Heero." He scratched his eyebrows. "I'd say it is soldiers from OZ. Seems they wish to start a war."

Princess Relena looked worried. "I hope my Prince Heero will be okay. I've heard rumors about those OZ soldiers and the methods they deploy with prisoners. If they so much as harm a single hair on his gorgeous, well toned, muscular, sleek skinned body I will personally hunt them down and run them through." Princes Relena's eyes flashed and her face grew dark as she thought about the various wicked ways the OZ soldiers had been known to *torture* their victims.

Treize smiled to himself and licked his lips. He also knew how OZ tortured their victims, having experienced it a while ago now himself. A shiver ran through his body at that memory. He swiftly mounted his horse. "Then let us follow oh predictable Princess."

~ * ~

Meanwhile at the top of a hill near the Canyon of Despair.....

The dark masked man panted his way up the hill. "I really need to work out some more." he ground out and paused to catch his breath. He straightened his tired body and walked up the remainder of the hill. Arriving at the top he stopped and stared at the small blonde who was sitting on a pile of rocks, Prince Heero sat chained next to him, blindfolded. "Ohh I could really go for the chains." he thought to himself as he felt stirrings in his nether regions. With steel determination he dragged his eyes away from the bound, helpless wet dream to the snickering blonde. On a large flat rock before the blonde sat two cups, some bread, a few apples and a bottle of wine. The sun glinted off the dagger that rested against the bronzed skin of Heero's throat.

Cautiously he began to move forwards, body taut, ready for action.

Quatre looked at him and smirked. "So it is down to just you and me." he said as he picked up the goblet and took a sip of the contents.

The masked marvel continued his slow approach.

"If you wish to see him die then by all means keep moving forward." Quatre stated in that annoying voice.

The lithe black figure paused. "Let me explain..."

Quatre cocked an eyebrow and snickered. "There is nothing to explain. You want to kidnap what I have rightfully stolen." Quatre's gaze flickered over the black figure and appreciated what he saw. Smooth muscle bunched and rippled under the skin, the tight pants showing off a very nice package, a package deal Quatre could be easily persuaded to try out. Shame he had to die.

"Perhaps we could come to some sort of an arrangement?" The dark one inched forwards.

'Ohh yes, an arrangement that involves....' Quatre quickly squashed the hentai side of his brain. "There will be no arrangement, and you are killing him." Quatre stated flatly as he pushed the tip of the dagger a little closer to Heero's neck.

Heero flinched and gave a small gasp as he tilted his head and tried to pull away from the dagger. He really hated sharp pointy things, especially when they were trying to bury themselves in some part of his anatomy, unless it was a pointy thing with a slightly blunt... but we won't go there.

"Then if there can be no arrangement I'm afraid we are at an impasse." The dark one stopped and held up his weaponless hands to emphasize his point.

"I am afraid so. I can't compete with your strength, and you can't compete with my brain." Quatre smirked again.

"You're that smart?" The dark one questioned as he folded his arms across his chest. He'd met chickens with a higher IQ.

Quatre eyed him up and down again, visibly checking him out before continuing. "Let me put it this way... Have you heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?"

"Yes."

"Morons, the lot of them."

"Really?" the dark one cocked his head and turned his body so it was on even more of a display. "Well in that case I challenge you to a battle of wits."

"For the Prince Heero?"

The slender black body moved again, pushing out his pelvis slightly and giving the blonde an even better view of his assets and nodded.

Quatre's breath hitched slightly as he drooled over the view. "To the death?" he squeaked out.

Again the dark figure nodded as he ran his hands down his torso, smoothing out the wrinkles from his shirt.

"I accept!" Quatre almost yelled and tore his eyes away from the teasing form. He quickly sheathed his dagger, taking care not to harm any of the bits of flesh that had suddenly begun to swell where he usually kept the tempered steel. A home done vasectomy was not on the agenda at this point in time.

"Good. Then pour the wine." The black form moved to the rock table and sat down opposite Quatre, making sure his tight pants gripped him even tighter.

Quatre lifted the bottle and poured the two goblets of wine, curious to know what the mad man had in mind... not to mention in his pants.

The dark one reached into his pocked end enjoyed a quick fondle while searching for a small cylinder. Finding the right tube he pulled it out. It contained some powder. He made to pass it across the table. "Inhale this, but do not touch it." he said quietly.

Quatre looked at the tube with suspicion. "It's not coke is it?... 'cause I've been clean for two years now." the blonde said as he peered into the depths.

The dark one shook his head. "Sorry to disappoint you, but no, it isn't crack."

"Okay then." Quatre shrugged his shoulders and inhaled slowly. "I smell nothing." He waited for the familiar buzz to hit his system but nothing happened. He passed the cylinder back, a little disappointed.

The black one leaned forwards to take the cylinder. "What you do not smell is called Iocane powder. It is odorless, tasteless, dissolves instantly in liquid and is amongst the most deadliest of poisons." Holding the cylinder carefully, he removed the two goblets from the rock table and turned his back to Quatre, effectively blocking Quatre's view of what he was doing but giving him an even better view of the tight material pulling and defining the curve of his ass.

Much to Quatre's chagrin he turned back in a matter of moments holding the two goblets of wine. Which one held the deadly powder was unclear, and the black one placed a goblet in front of each of them. He leaned back and a grin curved his lips. "All right, where is the poison? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and we both drink. Then we find out who was right, and who is dead."

Quatre snorted and rolled his eyes. "But this is so simple. All I have to do is derive from what I know of you. Are you the sort of man that puts the poison in his own goblet, or his enemies? Now, a smart man would put the poison in his own goblet, for he would know that only a fool would reach for what he was given." Quatre paused for a quick breath. "I am not a fool..."

"That's a debatable point." thought the dark one.

"...so clearly I cannot choose the wine in front of you. But you would have known that I am not a fool and so you would have counted on that, so I clearly cannot choose the goblet in front of me."

"You have made your choice then?" the dark one asked. He was starting to get a tad confused here.

"Not remotely. Because Iocane comes from Australia, and everyone knows that Australia is entirely populated with criminals....."

[AN: ShenLong: Hey! I resent that remark!!!!]

".... and criminals are used to people not trusting them, as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you."

"Truly you have a dizzying intellect." the dark one's head was spinning from all this useless so called logical thinking. He wondered if Quatre wasn't a few snags short of a barbecue, besides he knew some very nice people that lived in Australia who weren't criminals at all, in fact a few of them had written him in some pretty good lemony fics and so the logical argument and thinking the other one professed to was totally shattered based on the knowledge and friendship he had with those living in the country. Confused? Hell so was he!

[AN: Velena: Bad ShenLong, I had not written that bit, it was strait from the
movie. You don't see me making shameless remarks about how wonderful and nice
Dutch people are, do ya?]

He leaned forwards and decided to get this over with as quickly as possible, it was beginning to drive both him and the person writing this parody nuts. He tried to look interested in what Quatre was saying. "Whatever you say you moron... Just hurry up and choose." he thought.

"Just wait until I get going." Quatre smirked, feeling quite smug that he obviously had the other person dumfounded with his thinking. "Where was I?"

"Australia..." the dark one sighed then mentally added. "I wish."

"Yes... Australia. You must have suspected that I would have known about the powders origins so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me!"

"Oh for shits sake! Will you just hurry up and choose damn you! I'm getting a headache with all this blabbering." Heero injected.

Both people turned to stare at the bound and blindfolded figure. Then the dark one snickered.
"You're just stalling now." he smirked.

The blonde glared. "You'd like to think that wouldn't you!? You have beaten my elf so you must be exceptionally healthy, so you could have put the poison in your own goblet, trusting in your health to save you. So I clearly cannot choose the goblet in front of you. But you also beat my Chinaman so you must have studied the art of the sword and in doing so you must have learnt that man is mortal. So you would have put the poison as far away from you as possible, so I can clearly not choose the goblet in front of me."

"Errr.... do you think you can run that by me again? I kinda lost it after the beaten your elf bit."

Quatre rolled his eyes. "No I can't! You think I can remember all that bullshit I just said?"

The black one stared at the blonde for a moment. "You're trying to trick me into giving away something. It won't work."

The blonde sneered. "It has worked. You have given everything away. I know exactly where the poison is!"

"Then make your choice." the dark one said softly. This guy was seriously in need of some counseling, as well as learning how to speak without drowning the person he was talking to in spit.

Quatre huffed for a moment. "I will... and I choose..... What in the world can that be?"

The black figure turned to look behind him. 'Okay, this has to be one of the oldest tricks in the book but I guess I can play along with it if it strokes his ego and gets him to hurry up and choose so as I can get to the Prince in those delectable chains...' he thought and then spoke aloud, "What? Where? I don't see anything."

While the other man was looking away Quatre quickly swapped the goblets and then sat back sniggering. "Oh? I could have sworn I saw something. Oh well, no matter."

"What's so funny?" asked the masked man as he tilted his head.

Quatre continued to snigger. "I'll tell you in a minute. First let's drink." Quatre reached out and took the stem of the goblet before him and raised the rim to his lips.

The dark one followed suit.

They stared at each other as the wine was tipped forth to caress the mouth and throat of each man. Grinning Quatre set his goblet down.

"You guessed wrong." The dark man smiled as he lowered his goblet back to the rock table.

"You only think I guessed wrong." snickered Quatre. "That's what's so funny. I switched the goblets while your back was turned. Ha ha, you fool. You fell for one of the oldest tricks in the book. The most famous is never start a land war in Asia. But only slightly less famous is never go against an Arabian when death is on the line."

Quatre began to laugh insanely. The dark one watched silently.

"Muhahahahahahahahahaha.... " Quatre's mouth opened wide as he laughed, the gold fillings in his molars clearly visible. Suddenly Quatre stopped in mid laugh and keeled over.

*Thud*

Swiftly the black one moved and knelt beside Heero and removed the blindfold.

"About dammed time." Heero growled as his vision adjusted to the light once more. He gazed at the slender body before him. "Who are you?" he asked in a husky voice. as his eyes appraised the delicious form. Now here was something he could really sink his teeth into.

"I'm no one to be trifled with." came the gentle reply as he pondered the chains. It seemed such a shame to remove them, Prince Heero looked quite alluring in bonds. Maybe no one would know if he just ravished the gorgeous creature here and now. Then his mind caught up with his hormones and abruptly chastised them. With a resigned sigh he undid the chains. "That is all you need to know." he spoke quietly.

"To think that all this time the poison was in your own goblet." Heero murmured as he enjoyed the play of fingers over his skin as the bonds were removed.

The dark man chuckled softly. "Actually neither one was poisoned. He fell for the oldest trick in the book that I am conversant with, and it covers more tricks than he could ever hope to know.... It's called the switch. I never put the Iocane in the wine. Instead I put in a relative of Iocane... it also dissolves quickly, leaves not taste or smell but is harmless. In fact it's really just a fast acting and strong sleeping potion... although there is one side effect."

"Oh?"

"Errr..." the black figure chuckled uneasily.

"Tell me." demanded Prince Heero.

"It has been known to act as a mild aphrodisiac on some people." The dark one looked at the sleeping form and then moved to kneel beside him. Heero watched for a moment.

The masked man gently rearranged Quatre's limbs and body into a more comfortable position. After all he didn't want him to wake up feeling too sore. He took the chance to sneak in his calling card... a quick grope as he rolled him over and then stood up. "He should wake up with a headache and possibly more than a little horny, but other than that he will be fine." He turned back to face Heero.

"But how come you're not sleeping?"

The lithe black figure moved close to Prince Heero. His warm breath caressed the others cheek as he spoke softly. "I have spent the past few years building up a resistance to drugs and sleeping powders as part of my training." His tongue traced up the shell of the outer ear.

Heero shivered with pleasure.

"But somehow I never managed to resist the powers of the aphrodisiac...."

Heero swallowed hard as the dark one pulled back, and he gazed into lust filled eyes.

The dark one took Heero by the hand and began to drag him away from the site.

All Heero could think of was ..."Ohh shit! I hope he's gentle."

~ oOo ~

tbc.........