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The More I Learn to Care For You - Roy's POV	By : ZaKai Category: Fullmetal Alchemist > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 3280 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Full Metal Alchemist, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 8
- 9
- 10
A/N: Because I have a lot less time to
devote to fandom and fanfiction, I�m no longer
responding to all reviews.� If you have a
question for me, you�re always welcome to leave an email address for me to
contact you back at, or I may reply individually through email when I have
something to say, but for the most part, I�ll no longer be replying to every
review I get.� This means I�ll have a
little more time to spend actually writing so that I can get the story out to you.� I�m sorry about this, and I really do wish I
had more time, but I just don�t.� Thanks
for understanding. :)

Note: Ed�s dialogue belongs to Kikiko.� The rest of
this chapter is souly mine.

�

The More I Learn to Care for You

Chapter Nine

Confrontation

�

Roy absentmindedly turned the page of
the book he was looking at, then sighed before closing
it and looking around.� In the past week,
he�d come to Ed�s dorm room for about an hour a day and worked on getting it
cleaned up and organized.� It was
something to do, something to get him out.�

At first,
it had tired him out immensely, but as the days when on, and he continued to
recover, Roy
found that it was helping him get used to being up and doing things.� He�d need to get used to it, he didn�t have
much more time left before he�d need to go back to work.

That was
something he tried not to think about.� Hakuro had it in for him and Roy knew it.�
He wasn�t sure exactly how the hearing would turn out, but he was sure
that it would be unfair and that he would end up worse off after it was
over.� There really was no defense he
could offer.� He had been reckless, and
Ed had gotten hurt.� Roy was prepared to take whatever punishment
he needed to, but it didn�t mean he had to like it.

Roy looked down at the book in his
hands and smiled slightly.� It was a book
on the language of flowers.� He�d found
several of them scattered all over as well as Ed�s notes on the subject.� Shaking his head, Roy stood, and limped over to the
closet.� Given that Ed didn�t have much
space, Roy had
found a bookcase that would fit inside of the closet to keep all of his
books.� He slipped the book into the
bookcase with the others before moving over to Ed�s bed and sitting on it.

His eyes
moved over the fairly clean room with a feeling of semi-sweet
satisfaction.� At first he�d thought that
everything was simply scattered all over, but it hadn�t taken him long to
realize Ed did have an organizational system of sorts.� It was something he�d needed to take into
account as he moved everything.� It
wasn�t that cleaning and organizing was his favorite thing to do, but it made
him feel closer to Ed in a way and he�d been able to learn quite a bit about
his lover...�

His ex-lover...

Roy sighed and ran his fingers
through his hair.� He hadn�t visited
since he�d brought over Ed�s things. �He�d actually gone to the hospital since
then�he�d had to for his own doctor appointments�but when he saw that Alphonse
and the Rockbells were there, he figured it would be
best to simply stay away.�

Without
thinking about it, Roy�s
eyes slid over to Ed�s nightstand where the dead flowers sat in the cup.� There were just some things he didn�t feel
right moving...� He sighed, grabbed his
crutch, and stood up. �His body ached and
he was ready to go home, take some pain medication, and let himself rest.

0-0-0-0

Through
the haze of the drugs, Roy
slowly came to awareness at the insistent knocking on his front door.� He groped for the clock on the nightstand,
only to realize he was sleeping on the couch.�
His body felt heavy and numb�both from the medication and from being
awakened so suddenly�and it took him a few tries to sit up.� His stomach lurched and he felt like throwing
up, but luckily he hadn�t eaten recently; though that also seemed to add to the
sick feeling in his gut.

The
pounding began again and Roy
grabbed his crutch, stood unsteadily, then wandered slowly to the door.� He undid the locks, then
slowly cracked the door open and peered outside to see Alphonse Elric standing
there with a raised fist.� When the teen
saw the door open, he lowered his hand and looked at Roy with a frown that radiated both
displeasure and pity.

Roy wanted to growl, �What the hell
do you want?�, but instead he said politely, �Alphonse... what a
surprise...� Is there something I can do
for you?�� His voice was hoarse and he had
to clear his throat.

Alphonse
seemed to consider the question for a moment, then
said, �We need to talk.�

Roy raised an eyebrow.� Alphonse was normally a lot more polite than
that.� Without a word, he stepped back
and opened the door a little wider before moving back to the couch.� Alphonse walked in and shut the door, and for
a few minutes there was silence.

With a
yawn, Roy
motioned with his hand for Al to have a seat.�
�You don�t need to stand.�

Alphonse
pressed his lips before taking a seat on a chair.� �I�m here to talk about brother.�

Why am I
not surprised... Roy thought
cynically.� �Alright, talk then,� he said
as he laid across the couch.� It was hard to concentrate on what was going
on right now, but lying down helped a little bit.� He closed his eyes and waited for whatever it
was that Al was going to say.

Silence.

Opening
his eyes, Roy
glanced over to where Alphonse was sitting and saw an angry scowl on the teen�s
face.� It was obvious Al was upset and
had much to say, but he seemed torn between actually saying what was on his
mind, and how to be at least marginally polite at the same time.� That was just the way Alphonse was.

Finally,
Al looked away and said tightly, �I wasn�t expecting you to be in this sort of
shape...�� He seemed to be a little
frustrated that he couldn�t take out his full wrath on someone who looked so
bad already.

Roy let out a long breath.� He didn�t need pity.� �Just say what it is that you came here to
say.� I look a little worse than I am
because I just woke up and I took some medication before that.�� The last thing he wanted was for Al to leave
without having his peace.� If he did
that, then the anger would simply fester inside of him�that was something Roy was all too familiar
with...

Alphonse
glanced at him, then away, then back to him before saying, �What happened that
day?�

�Did you
ask Ed?�� It was a stupid question; after
all, Alphonse probably wouldn�t be here if he hadn�t talked with Ed.

�Yes,� Al
said, his voice dripping with suppressed ire.�
�He told me a few things�what he remembered anyway.� But you...�� He paused as if to get a hold on himself, then continued.�
�But you... you know.� You remember.�

�What did
he tell you?� Roy
said in a faint whisper.� He didn�t want
to tell Alphonse what had happened, but not telling him anything might make
things worse.

�He told
me the two of you had a fight.� He said
that you said he was selfish.�� Al�s eyes
narrowed and fury flashed in his normally pleasant eyes.� �And he said that you said that I hated
him...�� It was said in a low tone that
resembled distant thunder; a storm on the horizon.� That�s what this was, Roy thought.�
The storm was coming and it was his own fault he was caught out in it.�

Roy swallowed, then
sat up.� He needed a drink...� Not liquor, but maybe some coffee or
tea...� Something that would help him concentrate.�

�Is it
true?� Al asked firmly.

Grabbing
the crutch, Roy
stood and began to hobble toward the kitchen.�
�Would you like some coffee?� he asked.�
He could hear Al get out of the chair he�d been sitting in, and
footsteps as he walked across the room before he felt himself being grabbed,
turned around, and suddenly thrown against a wall.� Pain flashed through his arm and leg.� He winced and barely kept himself from crying
out.

�You son-of-a-bitch!� Al seethed.� His
eyes were moist now and the anger and pain behind them glimmered softly in the
dim light of the room.� �How could you say such a thing?!�� Al�s voice broke and a tear trickled down his
cheek.� �You know all that brother has been through!� You�re supposed to be the one who cares for
him and protects him!��

Roy looked away in shame.� Alphonse was right...� He closed his eyes when Al forced him to look
back at him.�

�What happened that day?!� Al demanded.�

Roy breathed in slowly,
trying to clear his mind, then opened his eyes and said simply, �We
fought.� Emotions were high.� I let my temper get out of control which
resulted in me losing control of the car.�
That�s all.�

Alphonse
moved in close and breathed, �That�s not good enough.� This is my brother�s life we�re talking about.�
You nearly killed him physically, but what the hell did you do to him
mentally?!�� Al tightened his grip on Roy.� �What did you tell him...?� What did you say?�� Roy
peered deeply into Al�s eyes.� While not
quick to anger, Alphonse Elric could be down right scary when he did become angry.� ��

�And if I
don�t tell you?� Roy
asked calmly.� �What will you do?� Beat it out of me?�� He glanced down at his injured arm and leg to
point out the fact that he was already broken physically before looking back
up.� �And if I do tell you...� Roy whispered.� �Do you really think it will change what
happened?� Do you think it will change
things between Ed and me?�� Al�s grip
wavered and he swallowed hard before looking away from Roy.�
�Yeah... I didn�t think so either.�

Al
released him and walked a few steps away from him before bringing a hand up to
cover his face.� �I�m sorry...� I...� I
don�t know what got into me... I just...�

�Can you
make coffee?� Roy
asked.� Alphonse dropped his hand and
turned to look at Roy
with a questioning glance.

�Yes...�

�Good coffee?� �When Al nodded hesitantly, Roy inclined his head toward the kitchen and
said, �Why don�t you go ahead and make some for the two of us.� It will give you time to think about what
you�d like to say, and it will give me a little more time to wake up.�

Al�s lips
turned up into a small smile.� �Colonel,
that may be true, but I know you well enough that I�m sure the fact that you
like getting other people to do things for you is factored into that
somewhere.�

Roy cleared his throat, and murmured,
�Perhaps,� before turning and limping toward the couch.� Lying down, he closed his eyes and listened
to the sounds from the kitchen.� This
wasn�t a conversation he could avoid.� He
could try.� He could evade the truth;
feed Alphonse enough bullshit to get him to go away, but it would backfire on
him in the end.� He could modify the
truth to make himself look better; after all, Ed didn�t remember everything
that happened...

But what
was the point of lying?� Al was
right.� He had almost killed Ed, and the things he�d said before the
accident...� That type of behavior was
why he and Ed shouldn�t be together.� He
cared for Ed deeply and couldn�t stand the thought of hurting him again so
badly.

�Do you
want cream or sugar?�

Roy opened his eyes to see Alphonse
standing over him.� �Not today,� Roy said, sitting up.

Al nodded
and moved back into the kitchen, and a moment later came out with two
mugs.� After handing one of them to Roy, Alphonse sat down on
the chair he�d occupied previously and stared silently at his mug.

Roy took a sip of his coffee and
nodded in approval before slowly asking, �How is he?�

�How do you think he is?� Al asked
reproachfully.� Alphonse was not happy,
and it was obvious he wouldn�t be placated until he got the information he
wanted.�

Roy took another sip of his
coffee.� He didn�t want to play games
with Al.� This wasn�t about winning or
losing, and it wasn�t about him.� By trying
to win, trying not to get hurt, he�d lost.�
There was no more game to play, and he didn�t want Alphonse to think
otherwise.� So it was the truth, plain
and simple.� No games.� No lies.�
No diverting the facts or twisting them to fit his own needs.

Just the truth.

Unfortunately,
the truth wasn�t his friend, and he had a feeling Alphonse wouldn�t be either
after this discussion was over.

�I don�t
know.�� A simple phrase, yet it hurt to
say it out loud because he should
know.� He should be there for Ed...

�You�d
know if you bothered to come to the hospital,� Al said in a tone that allowed
no forgiveness.

�True.�

�He needs you,� Al growled.

�You and
the Rockbells were there.� I didn�t want to interfere.�� It was partially the truth, but a weak excuse
none the less and Alphonse was not impressed.

Al�s grip
on his mug tightened and he said, �You should be there for him.�

Sighing
heavily, Roy
let his eyes fall to the rich, brown liquid in his mug.� �I don�t know if you�re aware of this or not,
Alphonse, but your brother and I are no longer seeing each other.�

�I�ve
recently become aware of that fact,� Al said tightly.�

�Then you
can understand why�� Roy
began, but was cut off.

�I can
understand.� I can understand that you
broke up with my brother at the exact time that he needs you most!� Alphonse
threw back.

Roy looked up and scowled.� �It�s for his own
good.� It�s my fault he�s in this
situation.� I�m not good for him.� He deserves
better and I�m giving him that chance.�

Al sat
forward in his chair and asked pointedly, �Do you still love him?�

The
question threw him off, and for a moment he said nothing, then he glanced back
down at his coffee before taking a drink.�
�I think you know the answer to that question,� he murmured.

�Then why
don�t you let him decide what he
wants?�

Roy looked up.� �Because, Ed doesn�t know what�s good for
him.��

Alphonse
took a drink of his coffee, then said, �You should
stop treating him like a kid.� Brother is an adult you know.� He�s capable of making his own decisions.�

�Perhaps
I�d treat him more like an adult if he acted
like one,� Roy
shot back irritably.� He wasn�t too
thrilled with the way this conversation was going.

�Like
you?�

Roy had lifted his mug to take a
drink, then stopped and said, �What�s that
supposed to mean?�

�Only
that you�re not exactly the epitome of maturity right now either,� Al said.� Roy
was about to retort to that when Alphonse spoke up again, and this time his
voice was a little less hard.�
�Colonel... brother and I have known you since we were kids... �I�ve seen you in different situations and I do know you�re mature, but...�

Al shook
his head and took a drink.� �I can tell
that you actually love my brother...�
I�ve heard that love can make people do strange things and act in ways
that don�t always make sense.�� He paused
and gave a sheepish smile.� �I guess you
can say that I know this from a little of my own experience...�

Roy gave Alphonse a weak smile back
and waited for him to continue.� He
wasn�t too happy thinking about himself in love, it almost seemed like an
oxymoron, but... it was true.� He didn�t
want to be in love, but there it was.

�From
what I see, the main problem you and brother have is that your communication
sucks,� Al said.� �I mean, you obviously
love my brother, and he obviously loves you, but the two of you have different
ways of showing it.� Instead of breaking
up, maybe you should try working things out.�
Actually talk to each other
instead of making each other guess what you mean.�

Roy frowned.� Alphonse had some very good points; and, as
he thought about the time he and Ed had been together, he realized that
communication was probably the biggest problem they had.� He wanted to believe that he and Ed could
work something out, that they could be together again, but Roy didn�t know if it was possible.� Could Ed ever forgive him for what he�d done,
and for all the horrible things he�d said?�
Could he forgive himself...?

�Did Ed
send you here to say that?� Roy
finally asked.

�No,� Al
said and studied Roy
intently as if he could tell what he was thinking just by looking at him, then he grinned.� �But
I�m sure he would have if he�d thought of it.�

0-0-0-0

Roy stared idly up at the ceiling.� It was well after nine in the morning and he
knew he really should get up, but he really didn�t feel like it.� He�d taken some pain medication�though only
half the dose so that he wouldn�t fall asleep.�
Unfortunately, that much still made him feel a little groggy.� He sighed.�
He knew he really should get
up, but getting up meant moving around, getting dressed, going down the damn
stairs; and most of all, getting up meant that he had to face another day
without Ed.

He
sighed.� The talk with Alphonse had given
him a lot to think about.� Alphonse had
some good ideas, yet...� It was too late
for those ideas.� He�d already messed up
and what he�d done was unforgivable.� If
he were Ed, Roy
knew that he wouldn�t forgive him.�
Teenagers just don�t know what�s in their best interest...� Ed only thought he wanted to be with Roy because he was
letting his feelings cloud his judgment.�
Any mature adult would be smart enough to know they didn�t want a
relationship with someone like him...

Resting
his uninjured arm over his eyes, Roy
let his breath out slowly.� This whole
situation was a disaster.� He felt like a disaster�a state he
hadn�t been in since Ishbal.�

�Damn
you, Ed,� Roy
growled angrily.� How had he fallen so
hard?� For Ed of all people...� Even now, Roy could see him in his mind, hear his voice
in his ears, feel his touch on his skin...

He felt
disgustingly weak, and to think he�d made fun of Maes when he�d fallen so hard
for Gracia.� At
that time, Roy
had teased his friend unmercifully about being so sappy and emotional for
something as insignificant as love.� He just hadn�t understood...� But he did now, and Roy desperately wished he didn�t.� He�d never wanted love, and he hadn�t
realized until it was too late that he�d already been infected with it.

�Love can make people do strange
things...�� Alphonse�s words rang loud in his head making
Roy squeeze his
eyes shut even tighter as if that would stop himself
from remembering.� It didn�t though and
Ed appeared even more defined in his imagination.� Roy
let himself enjoy the image, felt himself get lost in Ed�at least until the
phone rang and disrupted his thoughts.

With a
sigh, Roy moved
his arm from his eyes and groped blindly for the phone.� He didn�t want to lose the vision he�d
conjured.� When his fingers touched the
receiver, Roy
picked it up and said mildly, �Hello?� then realized that wouldn�t do, cleared
his throat, and said, �This is Mustang.�

He could
hear the sound of people and trains in the background, then a hesitant, �Er... hey... it�s... uh Ed.�
Did I wake you?�

�Ed...� Roy murmured opening his
eyes in surprise.� �No, no you didn�t
wake me...� he said quickly.� �I...�� He swallowed, trying to school his ridiculous
feelings of excitement; after all, he and Ed weren�t together anymore...� �What can I do for you?� he asked more
hesitantly.

�Er... well... I just wanted to apologize for the way Al... sorta... got in your face the
other day.� He, ah, made me talk...
and... well... I...� Ed�s voice faltered then trailed
off.

So Al had
told Ed what had happened...� Well, Roy supposed he shouldn�t
be too surprised at that.� The two of
them were close.� �There�s nothing for
you to apologize for,� Roy
said after a moment, thinking of Alphonse�s visit.� �Your brother has valuable insights and makes
good coffee.�� The coffee had definitely
been good...� Roy looked regrettably at the empty cup he�d
brought up last night.� It had held tea,
not coffee, but right now Roy
could use a cup of coffee...� Something
to get him going...

�Oh...�
Ed said a little sadly.� Roy frowned a little, wondering what that was
all about, then forgot about it when Ed continued.� �I, uh... I�m going home�to Rizembool�for a
while.�� He sighed and began mumbling.

�How long
will you be gone?� Roy
asked, wanting to know and also wanting to hear Ed talk more.� He�d missed his voice...�

Ed sighed
again.� �I... don�t know.� It�ll be pretty rough.� My arm is pretty messed up... But that�s in
no way your fault you know!� I don�t
blame you or anything!� Ed added quickly.�
�It... it was just an accident.��
Ed made a sound of frustration, then added, �I
don�t even know what I�m saying...�

Roy frowned, suddenly feeling a
little concerned.� Rizembool was a good
few days away and the ride wasn�t always smooth...� �Are you going to be alright to travel?� he
asked.

Ed made a
small, almost imperceptible gasp, then said, �Er, well, I don�t really have a choice.� This can�t wait any longer.�

�Of
course...� Roy
murmured.� It had been a stupid question
anyway...� He closed his eyes, letting
himself give into the pull of the pain medication, and immediately the image of
Ed was back in his head.� He wanted to
reach out and touch him, but it was impossible.�
�Ed...� He murmured.

�Yeah?�
Ed asked.

Roy paused, still looking at the
image of Ed in his mind, then said quietly, �I�m glad
you called...�� He felt so pathetic
saying it, but it was true.� He was
glad.� If only he could have Ed here
right now...

�Can I
call again?� After the
surgery?� Maybe?�
Ed asked cautiously.

One part
of him wanted to deny Ed�s request.� They
weren�t together any longer!� He shouldn�t allow it!� �I would like that...� he finally said.� He knew he was weak, but right now he didn�t
care.

�Are you
sure?� Cause you can say that you don�t
want me bothering you, I�d understand,� Ed said.� His voice sounded a little forced, but he
seemed confident in his words.� There was
the murmur of voices near Ed then the sound of staticy
noise before Ed said, �Just a sec...�

Roy waited quietly, still enjoying
the image of Ed in his mind.� He wished
Ed would stay on the phone forever...�
There was more static on Ed�s end then, �Ah, I got to go soon.� I got, like five more minutes, so...�

�Of course,�
Roy said,
feeling a little disappointed at this.�
�Don�t let me keep you; I don�t want you hurting yourself rushing to the
train.�� He was well aware of how often
Ed and Alphonse had gotten on the train at the last minute or even ran to catch
up with it.

�But what about me calling?� Ed pressed.� �You
didn�t sound like you wanted me to.�
Maybe I could write instead?� I�m
not the best letter writer, but, I mean, I�m going to be in bed for a while, so
maybe now I would be, you never know.�
Maybe I�ll write to you anyway.�
You don�t have to mail me back or anything; that way you can still know
what I�m up to without pestering people to check up on me like in the old
days,� Ed said quickly with a nervous little laugh.� �I can tell you all about how Winry likes to
bug the shit outta me.� Daily!��
He made a �tisk�ing noise, then said in a
fluster, �Oh shit, I�m rambling again�fuck!�
Sorry.�

Roy smiled.� He didn�t mind, not really.� He was getting what he wanted�which was Ed speaking to him.�
Of course, how Ed was speaking
was amusing.� He was obviously nervous...
he hadn�t heard Ed be nervous for quite a while.�

�Ed,� Roy said simply.

�Eh?� What?�
I didn�t piss you off or anything did I?� I�m sorry, I didn�t mean too.�� He sounded upset now and Roy could hear angry mutterings on Ed�s
end.�

�Edward.� Be quiet and listen to me for a moment,� Roy said in a light
commanding voice.� There was a small �eep� on Ed�s end, then silence.� �I said you could call.� That means you can call.� If you want to write...�� He paused, then let
a small nostalgic smile grow on his face.�
�Well...�� Another
pause.� �That�s fine too.�

�I
can?� You sure?�
Ed asked in a hopefully eager voice.

Roy sighed softly, then said wearily,
�Am I supposed to say �no� after a specific number of times that you ask?�� He didn�t want to keep reaffirming himself.

Ed
laughed.� �I don�t know, maybe?� I�m sorry, let�s blame that on the drugs,
please.�

The
affect of painkillers was something Roy
could understand all too well.�
�Alright,� he conceded.� �But you
can�t use that excuse every time,� he added in a slightly teasing tone.

Ed
snickered.� �Too bad though.� That�s a good excuse.�� There was a small pause then, �Ah, fuck, I
got to go.� Winry�s stalking over towards
me and it doesn�t look pretty.� Do you know?� She�s taken to pulling my hair.� I hate that, but it�s better than the usual,
which is a wrench thrown at me�okay, okay!�
No!� Don�t pull my hair!�� Roy
frowned at the exchange going on.�
Someone else�most likely the Rockbell girl�was talking, then he heard Ed exclaim, �Ack! I
said, don�t pull my hair!� Dammit!�
I got to go Roy.�

�Have a
safe trip...� Roy
said, wondering if that would be possible given how rough Ed and Winry tended
to be with one another.

�Yeah...
I�ll call you after the procedure.� �There was a small pause, then
Ed said softly, �Bye.�

It was
said in a tone so close to what he�d come to expect from Ed when they were
being intimate with each other, that Roy felt a lump form in his throat.� �Bye...� he said just as softly.� There was a click as the phone was hung up on
the other side, and Roy
added, �I miss you, Ed...� before setting the receiver gently down on its
cradle.� �

�

Please be
sure to check out Kikiko�s �Ed�s POV�.� The link is in my profile.

If you
would like to be added to the email update list for this story, ether
leave a comment saying that you would like to be added and your email
address or send me an email at zakaii(at)gmail(dot)com.

�

Comments are welcome.

�

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The More I Learn to Care For You - Roy's POV