A Cost Too High

Ed didn’t know why he suddenly decided to open up to the Master Sergeant, but it kind of felt good talking to someone who wouldn’t mother or father him concerning his injuries. He removed the bandage wrapping and showed the man the parallel cuts that the General had sewn up the night before.

“Did it hurt?”

“The cutting or the stitching?” Ed asked with a certain degree of nonchalance to keep himself just aloof enough so that he didn’t have to feel it all over again.

“Uh… the cutting.” Fury clarified.

“I didn’t really feel it at first to be honest. I was just sort of focused on the end result.” He felt his face heat. This was a tender topic no matter how he might try to downplay it. “The First Lieutenant slapped me when she saw it.” He gave a brief chuckle. “That hurt.” Ed went to work rewrapping his arm, allowing for a tiny sad smile to linger on his lips. Fury offered a little chuckle, though it sounded timid and almost scared as if he worried that he wasn’t allowed to find humor in such a thing.

Ed continued, so as to east the awkward tension, “And then of course Roy’s stitch job. It wasn’t exactly a feather tickle.” Ed chuckled again, but Fury didn’t.

Glancing over at Fury who was sitting beside him on the bed, he noted the man’s wide eyed expression. “What did you just call the General?” Confusion was dominant in his features.

“I…” Ed paused. What the hell had he said? Shrugging he explained, “I just called him his name.”

“That’s just… well don’t you think that’s weird?” The mousy radio operator commented.

“Not that weird really. I’m no longer a member of the military… so I call by him by his first name.” Ed shrugged and Fury seemed to be still a bit taken aback. “Well, I’d call him by rank, but Bastard General just doesn’t have the same ring as Bastard Colonel. So now it’s just Roy.” He smirked.

Fury finally allowed a small chuckle to escape lips. He asked if the General found it odd at all and Edward shrugged. “Honestly Roy hasn’t said a thing about it. His mind’s elsewhere right now. But I don’t think he really minds. He’s been… clingy.” Ed lowered a brow as he mentioned this.

“Clingy?” Fury repeated the word innocently, hesitantly.

“Yeah,” Ed nodded and then thought privately about what he meant exactly. The General wasn’t hanging on him constantly or always calling for him; nothing like that. So why did Ed see him as clingy. It was probably because Roy seemed to be more concerned with Ed’s grief than his own. In some ways it felt that the man wanted to fill the void left by Al’s death, but Edward also had to wonder if the man wasn’t trying to have the blonde alchemist take away some of the heartache caused by Maes’ murder. Was that some form of equivalent exchange? Whatever it was, it was damn clingy.

A short while passed before Ed and Fury rejoined the group in the living room. Just as before, the group was a bit awkward, a bit tentative with him. Fury was the only one aside from Riza, who didn’t stare are his bandaged arm. With a soft huff, he looked around the room only to notice that Roy and Havoc were no where to be found. Probably out smoking somewhere he guessed. Immediately he craved nicotine.

*
Roy was still a bit miffed about the day when Armstrong was sent to fetch he and Havoc for dinner. And as he limped along, he let the flares of pain spiking and throbbing within his body fuel his scowl as he sat at the kitchen table. Riza merely shook her head and began to serve everyone.

After supper he was in for a surprise with the pie Ed had bought that afternoon. It was his favorite and Roy smirked when he learned it seemed to be Edward’s favorite as well. It was interesting that they had such little things in common.

But finally everyone cleared out and Ed went to take a bath. Riza bustled about the kitchen washing dishes which left him alone in the living room with his thoughts and after some time, he spoke his mind.

“Hawkeye,” He called out.

“Yes,” was her reply from the kitchen.

Roy scoffed, “You could at least be in the same room with me to talk.” Without a word she came from the kitchen and sat in a chair across from him. She looked weary still and was doing what she could to hide it. But he knew her better.

He cocked his head to the side, “I don’t want you to cut Edward’s hair.” Riza seemed a little startled and while he had her attention he continued, “I know you said you were just going to trim it but he should come to that decision on his own. His clothes are nice, things I would have picked out for him myself, but…” Roy sighed, how was he going to do this without her taking it the wrong way?

“Riza,” He said gently, “You’re pushing him in the right direction but too fast.”

“He needs to make changes, grow up, and –“

“I know but he needs to find some of those things on his own don’t you think? Else will he really believe that the person he is when the debris settle is himself or someone who was fashioned from what others wanted him to be?” This is what had Roy worried the most. This what the General could foresee as a potential explosion of terrible if not disastrous consequences in the future. Right now their first priority was to keep Edward safe, help him heal, and keep him near by at all times to make certain no one could do more damage.

Riza nodded, looking at her neatly folded hands which lay in her lap, “When I see Edward-“

“It’s in his eyes, all loneliness, the pain… You look at and get drawn in. You want to ease him, make that look go away but you never really know how and it’s so powerful you feel like it’ll pull you in and drown you… I know.” He barely whispered as he heard Ed moving about the bathroom. He certainly didn’t want Ed to overhear this conversation.

Roy smiled, “I have an idea, why don’t you turn in early and I will have Ed finish the kitchen and tend to me for the evening. It’ll give him something to do and me someone to pick on.”



*
Ed thought it was strange how utterly exhausted he was when he finally sank into the water. His right arm ached horribly and he wanted one of Roy’s pain pills but was too afraid to ask. Maybe he’d sneak out and have some alcohol later to make the bitter ache go away.

Talking with Fury had been interesting and kind of refreshing for him today. Honestly it had surprised him that he’d been willing to share so much with the man. He’d shown him his arm, talked about the pain, made light of it, talked about Roy. That part had been really strange. Somewhere along the line Edward had become comfortable, if that was the right word, with Roy Mustang. This scared him a little and he blushed as he thought of the previous night’s bath and his sudden need for release.

“Damn it.” He growled low in his throat, anxious to keep his voice from being heard. The next sound that came from him however was a soft whimper as he realized that his body was growing hot and hard at the renewed images of the General pressing down and into the frail blonde body before him. Slender legs wrapped about the man’s waist and long slim arms clutched to Roy’s back.

Furious with himself for thinking about Roy and Hawkeye in such a way, he pushed the images from his head and reached down tentatively to try and pinch the base of his penis. It was bad enough to have succumbed to this last night and he was damned sure not going to sully Hawkeye’s image with such thoughts all over again tonight.

After squeezing for a moment he managed to ease his arousal. It was something he’d had to do a time or two before when his stupid body got hard but there was no practical way to get release.

Washing his hair quickly he finished with the bath and then wrapped a towel tightly about his waist and sought Hawkeye, hoping that she would disinfect and wrap up his arm again. His search led him to the living room where he found the General sitting on the couch sipping amber liquid from a tumbler. Ed frowned and huffed, “Eager for a repeat of last night, Roy?”

Suddenly very self conscious of just being in his towel, he clenched at it tightly and was about to turn and leave when his arm spiked in pain. “Tch!” He ground his teeth and paused. “How drunk are you? Think you can bandage me up?” His wet blond bangs dripped water down his face.

Roy looked Edward over from head to toe. It seemed a little odd to him that Edward would come wandering out in only a towel but he set his glass of brandy aside. “I’m not drunk, Ed. Go get some clothes on and bring the bandages.” Before he could really finish the sentence, Ed was scuttling off.

The General didn’t have to wait long before Ed was dressed and back, dumping supplies on the sofa beside him. Roy smirked and scooted forward a little. Looking at his stitch job now, it certainly wasn’t his best but it was pretty good considering and he just wondered how bad Ed’s arm was going to scar. Which in turn got him to thinking about researching something to help minimize scars and of course he wondered if there was something or something to be created and if it worked, would it work to help him as well...

With a soft sigh, he gently and securely bandaged Ed’s arm. “Your new clothes looked nice,” he said to fill the silence, “And thank you for sharing the pie. I haven’t had it in awhile. There,” He finished bandaging Ed’s arm and sat back, picking up his tumbler, “So I’m giving you an option tonight. You can either take a pain pill or have a little to drink but not both together and I am only offering because you look like you need a little something for the pain.”

He pointed at Edward then, expressing in all seriousness. “You are too young to be drinking, Edward, but I will allow it so long as you keep it in the house, tell no one, and I’m here to take care of you, got it? One or two here and there won’t be so bad, but I won’t let you become an alcoholic when you’ve still got so much ahead of you. I mean this Edward. So make your choice.”

Ed was a little unnerved that the General had seemed to read his earlier thoughts. Grimacing he shrugged. There was a part of him that wanted to argue and demand both and there was another part that wanted to prove he wasn’t too young – or little – and ask for alcohol, but both of these parts were tired and lost out to the more practical side. “I’ll take the pill.”

A few moments later he was swallowing down a fairly powerful drug, chasing it with ice cold water. Against his better judgment he remained there on the couch, sitting beside Roy Mustang, for several minutes. He felt awkward that he hadn’t really spoken to the man all day and the few times they made eye contact, Ed had blushed and looked away. He was still angry about last night even though he thought he was over it. What he couldn’t understand was why he was so angry. So what! It had been embarrassing but it was in the past now and it was nothing compared to the horrors they’d both faced.

At length he uttered, “I like pie.” Nursing his recently bandaged arm to his chest he turned and met Roy’s expression, “Fury asked me if there was something special I wanted today and I said that I wanted chocolate mousse pie. He told me that it was your favorite as well.” His arm stung a little as he shifted his hips so he could better face the General. “So I bought an extra one. It’s in the freezer, near the back. It’s yours …whenever you want it.” And then his face flushed red again.

Well isn’t that damned sweet of him, Roy thought and took a drink. He savored the taste for a long moment then set his glass aside once again. “Thanks but it won’t be as good if I eat it alone so you’ll have to eat half.” It sounded like a good deal to him since Ed was the one who’d bought it.

Roy took a deep breath and let it out. “Do you play any games? Card or board games?” He asked and smirked, “I don’t know if I am reluctant to go to bed or just not that tired. Perhaps both, but I don’t feel like sleeping and don’t really want to sit in here alone. For once I have house guests. I’d at least like the chance to enjoy them while they are here.”

There, he’d put himself out there for Ed to see a little hint and once again it was up to Ed to decide what to do next.

If Ed had felt awkward before, he felt a hundred times more right now. “I know some card games.” He said quietly, “but they’re nothing exciting. Just stuff Al and I picked up while on the trains. I don’t know chess.” He admitted at the end, somehow getting the feeling that the General was pushing him toward that game. He’d seen the nice board on the shelf with its various pieces all lined up and waiting to conquer the other. Chess was not a practical traveling game and therefore he’d never taken an interest. It hurt his chest to think that he would no longer need to travel.

Suddenly his throat felt tight and he let out a bitter chuckle, “You know what I really wish we could do?” He felt stupid, but he wanted to be honest with this man, “I wish we could just beat the crap out of each other.” He smiled sincerely and elaborated a little bit, “Like when we had that alchemist’s duel. But maybe this time we could leave alchemy out of it. We could just spar or something.”

He sucked his bottom lip for a moment. “Guess it’ll be a while though before either of us is ready for anything like that.” But deep down Ed hoped it would be sooner rather than later because his body was losing focus and if everyone was so damned insistent on keeping him alive then he couldn’t just sit still twiddling his thumbs while his spirit weakened and atrophied with his muscles.

At first Roy had been a little wary of Ed’s fancy to ‘beat the crap out of each other’ but when it had been explained he could only find an odd sort of comfort in the idea.

“Sounds like fun.” He smirked, “Let’s make a deal, I’ll do whatever it takes to get into sparring shape and in the mean time you can do a few little things for me. You’re just not the type to sit and do nothing for long periods of time before becoming like a caged animal and I know you are a proficient researcher.”

He scooted closer to the blonde just in case Riza was hiding in the hall. He didn’t think she was but one could never be too careful. “They are keeping things from me, Edward. Things I need to know. I can’t protect myself or anyone else if I don’t have the intell to stay a step ahead. Riza is hiding the paper, she’s got the boys sealed shut… Ed, I can’t live like this, not after all that’s happened. I can’t be in the dark and they think they are protecting me, giving me time to heal. It’s all well intended but I have to know what’s going on so I know how to plan accordingly.”

He ran a hand through his hair, “Look, I’m not aiming to be Fuhrer. You said it yourself, the masses won’t let me, but I do need to know what I am facing as far as what happened, I need to know how to keep my staff, myself, and even you out of the cauldron. We need cards to play, plans within plans, anything to keep us together and from falling. Do you understand what I mean?”

Ed knew exactly what the General meant but it didn’t stop him from being a little shocked to hear such things as, ‘we need cards to play, plans to plan, anything to keep us together and from falling.’ Also he found it rather curious that everyone was going so damned far out of their way to keep him in the dark. Why were they doing that? Sure the man was wounded physically and emotionally but he was healing and besides, there was a reason he was a General; he could handle it. Still the fact that Roy was so desperate for the news that he was willing to call this a deal, made Edward feel a little strange.

“You want me to be your fly on the wall, specter in the darkness, the dropper of eaves, the seeker of truth, your veritable research ‘bitch’… all for the privilege of kicking your ass?” He grinned suddenly, his teeth showing for an instant, “You’ve got yourself a deal. You get better and I’ll get informed. But if that’s the case,” he stood and stretched loudly, “we’d better forgo any games and just get to bed. That pill’s really starting to knock me out as it is, so for tonight,” he reached out and playfully mussed up the General’s hair – an action he never would have done prior to now – a fairly mischievous expression on his face, “you’ll just have to play with yourself.”

A soft chuckle resonated in his throat as he walked past the man and headed back to his bedroom. He stopped for a second before the General’s room and thought about going inside, but decided that there wasn’t any reason for him to linger.

Continuing onward to his room he clenched and unclenched his fist recalling the feel of the man’s dark black hair, soft and thick, as it slid through his fingers. He thought about his choice of words at the end and felt a tad bit cruel but also felt that it was justified. More importantly, he felt less awkward about the fact that the General had heard him the other night.

Despite his annoyance that Edward had not only ruffled his hair but insinuated that he ‘played’ with himself, Roy was near ecstatic to see a bit of the old Edward surfacing. It was a relief and what a comfort it was to know that he had known just what would help bring the young man back and get his mind off death.

However, the proposition wasn’t supposed to be made, agreed upon, and then take Edward from the room. Roy wanted, no needed company, and didn’t want to be alone. He wasn’t so tired that he could fall into a dreamless sleep drug or alcohol induced or not.

Deciding that he wasn’t going to let Edward off the hook as far as keeping him company, Roy pushed up from the sofa with a wince and a groan, then hobbled his way toward Ed’s room. The door was opened a crack, the light still on, and when Roy peaked through the crack he saw something he wasn’t sure he wanted to see. Edward lay in bed grinding his hips into something beneath the covers. It was subtle but pronounced enough that Roy knew what he was doing.

The General knew he should look away but even as he tried to turn, he found he could not. His cheeks flushed as his only eye took in the private display. Ed’s blonde locks fanned the pillow. His skin glowed a little in the lamp light. His lips, slightly parted, panted and whisper-moaned in a pouty sort of way. He was beautiful, more beautiful than even some of the prettier girls Roy had managed to snag and seduce into being his for a time. It was wrong, so terribly unprofessional, an invasion of privacy, and worse, watching Ed, wondering what Ed was thinking of, made Roy’s nether region awaken and take interest.

A soft gasp escaped him and he swallowed in shock. This had to stop. He couldn’t think these things of Ed, couldn’t be… He lifted his hand and knocked on the door.

“Edward, you still awake?” There that would give Ed the chance to reject his presence or calm himself enough to give an answer.


He stopped in his slight motions and looked toward the door. It was open! How the hell had he left it open?! But then again, when he’d first entered the room he hadn’t been thinking about dry humping the bed. As hard as he’d tried, he couldn’t shake the oddly stimulating images of Roy making love, which changed suddenly to Roy simply petting himself and looking directly at Edward with a smug expression that seemed to say, ‘Well, you did tell me to play with myself.’ Ed’s hips had moved on their own and he found himself panting and needing release, needing to finish what he’d started in the bathroom and then when he heard Roy’s voice calling to him, he felt like he might burst.

“Uh,” he started and tried to catch his breath. He was so close… he thought about just finishing up but that was insanity! Roy was right there beyond the door and though that kept him from touching and grinding further, it was also damned exciting. His penis was throbbing and drizzling the bits that spoke of ejaculation and yet he was trapped. “R-Roy… I’m awake.” He choked out and sat up in the bed, his legs crossed before him. Pulling his pillow into his lap he covered his hardness. “Did you need something?” He asked and semi hoped that Roy would just ask him through the door, but as soon as he’d spoken, the General waltzed right on in.

“I was just about asleep…” he said as a way to possibly excuse the flush in his cheeks and the wetness at the corners from his eyes. Immediately he worried that the room smelled of precum. He knew for a fact that the front of his pajamas was damp with it and though he’d wiped his hand on the sheets, it still seemed to glisten. “Roy…” he started and then swallowed his words and pressed the pillow down even harder against his groin which cause his eyes to flutter for a moment as a grimace of need swept over his face. His organ, it seemed, was not ready to let go of the promise of an orgasm and he was quite nearly in agony over it.

Roy hated himself the moment he walked in and saw Ed’s torment and yet he was still selfish enough to stand firmly to his purpose. But he did have a kind, understanding bone in his body as well.

He wet his lips as Ed pressed the pillow deeper into his lap and liquid amber eyes fluttered like tired butterfly wings. His own cock betrayed him at the sight, at the knowledge of what Edward was doing, and his imagination took him places in that moment… he remembered the night before when Edward called out his name from the confines of the bathroom and he had to wonder if… no, Ed couldn’t be thinking of him when he was… It was just absurd, how many times had Edward called him a myriad of degrading names, threatened to kill him…

“Uh,” He said trying to shake himself of the images of a heated, angered blonde Alchemist and how before now he’d never noticed exactly how enticing he was in a froth. He shrugged and winced from the wound in his shoulder.

“Listen, I didn’t mean for you to go to bed right away…” This was harder than he thought it would be. He began to pout, “I don’t think I can sleep and I don’t want to be alone.” He sounded so pathetic and even as he took a step forward, his eyes fell to Ed’s guarded crotch. His own erection was beginning to blossom into the realm of needing attention.

“But if you’re busy… Shit!” He breathed, “I really am sorry, Ed. I’ve got the worst timing. I-I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” And with that Roy, awkwardly backed from the room. He just didn’t have the heart to beg Ed to come keep him company, not after that, not after seeing that Ed really did need to finish and now… He needed privacy himself. What the hell was wrong with him?! He didn’t understand this. Fuck! He needed a damned drink, maybe more than one. He just needed something to knock his ass out and fast.

“…the hell?” Ed growled out and frowned as the man who had so casually ruined everything just waltzed off with a pathetic pout concerning his bad timing. “Roy!” He called after the man and was about to drop the pillow when he realized he was still firm in his groin and not only that, so was Roy! It hadn’t really struck him at first, but now that he thought about it, the General was definitely hard. All that was left to discern was why?

“Asshole!” Edward blurted out angrily and didn’t even care anymore. He was so confused and angry and for no real reason. “You can’t just bust in here and beg for my attention and then scuttle off just because you’re having a little problem!” He stamped toward his door and then out into the hall.

“You wanted me, well, now you got me!” He rushed around in front of Roy. Bending just a bit, he wrapped his arms around his middle, trying desperately not to look downward, not to acknowledge that, here they were, both agitated, both lonely, and both erect.

Roy halted abruptly, staring wide-eyed and suddenly very frightened if not utterly embarrassed. He didn’t know what to do with himself let alone a young man facing the same bodily issue. And this ‘you wanted me, now you got me,’ business, what did he mean?!

He held up his hands, hands that trembled “Edward, let’s take a step back and evaluate. Obviously we both have something personal to take care of that came about at bad timing. Do I want to sit all night alone with my shadows, no, but I can wait. I’ll wait until you’re and I’m… Then we can talk. Or if you just want to go to bed, I’ll manage. It’s not a big deal, Ed, really… I’m really sorry. I’ll be in the living room if you decide to stay up awhile… Shit.”


He couldn’t believe he was hearing this. It sounded so obvious and yet so personal and something hit him just then that he couldn’t ignore. “You… you were watching me, weren’t you?” His eyes narrowed. “You were watching me and you still had the nerve to knock on my door.” Anger flared where before had been only lust, need, and a strange softness he’d not felt in years.

“I’ll take you up on the deal, General. But when you’re well enough to fight, I’m not holding back.” He bit and returned in a huff to his door. “And you can eat the damn pie all by yourself, you pervert!” He slammed it shut so loudly that he wouldn’t be surprised if Hawkeye were awake now and rushing out of her room to see what the hell was going on.

Returning to bed, he threw himself down and reached over to roughly turn out the lamp light. “Damn him.” He groaned painfully and curled onto his side. By now his erection was barely present. He was no longer horny, just depressed. Lonely. He wanted to go out into the living room and take back everything he’d said, but he couldn’t. So instead he remained in the darkness of his room, seething until he was exhausted and merely pulled the sheets about his shoulders. Why was Roy watching? Ed chalked it up to male idiocy.

“Al… I wish you were here right now. You’d be embarrassed, but you’d listen.” He whispered.

Pervert… the word rang of horrible undeniable truth in Roy’s ears and head. It hurt in a way he didn’t understand. He was despicable! He didn’t know where it had all gone wrong, how he’d destroyed everything. Was that all he was capable of doing anymore? Ed… that kid would never trust him again, Roy knew it deep down and stung so bad, the loss of it, he wanted to cry and drown his guilt and disgusting moment of perversion in a bottle, perhaps two or even three.

Roy felt the full brunt of all his movement during the day, his body screamed vengeful hatred through his nerves, and the pain, with his focus not entirely on the blonde but back on himself, was staggering.

Limping into the living room, Roy found the bottle of brandy and limped toward his bedroom. Agony of the body and heart forced him to stop, painting hard and fast to regain his breath but finally he made it.

As Roy fell into his bed, he let out a soft cry. He rolled and shifted despite the pain until he found some semi-comfortable position and stared at the dark wall, at the shadows, and began to drink. He drank the bottle empty, took another pain pill, which he’d lectured Edward never to do. He was a pervert and a hypocrite now but he really didn’t see how much further he could fall. When he was well enough, he’d let Edward pound him into the ground, after all it was what he deserved.

He didn’t know when he fell asleep but he did and the nightmares came but they were less vivid somehow, unclear, but frightening none the less.

Riza came with the morning. She woke him and tended to his face, tried to persuade him to eat something, to drink something, but he pushed her away in every way except to take his medication. All his premature motion from the day before, being out of bed when he shouldn’t have been, when he should have been resting and allowing his body to heal, left him in worse shape than ever.

When his 1st lieutenant asked him what was wrong, tried to give him a little comfort in her own way, he told her to go, to leave him be, to check on Edward and make sure he ate something. And when she announced that Lieutenant Havoc was there, he gave her orders to tell him to take the package to Ed and leave him alone. He didn’t want to be bothered, he didn’t want visitors, he just wanted to sleep.