My Immortal

Anne’s Notes: Well this is a songfic. The song is “My Immortal” by Evanescence. It is a wonderful song, very pretty, and very sad. If you think I am lying, listen to the song, and then accuse me of falsehoods. If you have the song I highly recommend you listen to it as you’re reading this story, but it is in no means necessary. I just firmly believe that it will enhance the feel of the fic. And if you can read this alone, with the room dark, and the only sound the song so much the bett
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Warnings: Anne: The rating is R for…a not-as-graphic-as-it-could-be yaoi lemon (3x4 pairing), plus mention of yaoi relationships, you’ll know them when you see them. Some angst, major sap, and it is a death fic. I will not be held responsible for the mental damage and counseling you may go through by reading this fic. Now, if I have done my job right by the end of this you will sit back in your chair and cry. That is my target anyway.

Disclaimers: Anne: I don’t own Gundam Wing or its characters. I do not own “My Immortal” or its rights, nor do I own Evanescence. I only own the inspiration for this story. My Host, Aislira, owns the story. Do not take without permission. Not as if anyone would want this story. It is a deathfic after all. Does anyone actually read these?

Aislira:Jeez Anne, you’re kinda long-winded! *shrugs* Oh well, enjoy! Er…maybe I should say don’t enjoy, ‘cause it’s kinda sad…okay, maybe a lot of sad, but it’s also sweet and beautiful…^^ Now I’m long-winded! At any rate leave cookies at the end in the form of reviews! If you do not this story will haunt you for the rest of your life…or until you leave a cookie for the mouse…who will then want a glass of milk…who will then…

Dedicatition: To my dear onnee-chan whose support has been greatly appreciated.
I now give her a shameless plug. Go read her stuff! I guarantee you won\'t be disappointed... She\'s lurking around here somewhere under happyonna.

Present time is in bold.
Memory/flashbacks are in normal font.
Song lyrics are in italics.
Thoughts are like this /blargh…/

My Immortal
A deathfic by Anne and Aislira

I’m so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
‘Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won’t leave me alone

The rain falls softly on the picture windows. A body is curled on a large couch, seemingly swallowed by the dark cushions. A broken voice whispers into the night, “Quatre.”

These wounds won’t seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There’s just too much that time cannot erase

When you’d cry I’d wipe away all of your tears
When you’d scream I’d fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
You still held all of me

A shaking hand wiped away silver tears from a pale cheek. Vibrant green eyes stared into heartbroken aqua orbs, “Hush, angel. I don’t care about that. I’m not going to leave you, not when I’ve just found you.”
“But Trowa…”
Trowa lowered his head and kissed Quatre, saying physically what he could not with words. When they parted Quatre leaned his head against Trowa’s chest and whispered, “I’m so scared, Trowa.”
Trowa ran his hand through the silken hair and hugged Quatre closer, “I know.” He didn’t say it would be all right, for it wouldn’t, and tbothboth knew it.
Quatre gazed up at his friend turned love, “Trowa, will you do something for me?”
“Anything, angel.”
Fresh tears leaked from Quatre’s eyes and coursed down his cheeks to be swallowed by Trowa’s turtleneck, “Love me?”
“I do.”
Quatre’s eyes, always bright with innocent happiness were now dim and desperate as he pleaded, “Please, Trowa?”
Swooping down for another tender kiss, Trowa responded, “Always, my angel, always and forever.”
He scooped Quatre into his arms and carried him into his bedroom.
They made love that night, the first time of many.

You used to captivate me by your resonating lie
Now I’m bound by the life you left behind

Quatre smiled up at Trowa, the pain and fear concealed deep in his oceanic eyes, “I’m fine really. It’s just for a few days, nothing to be worried about.”

Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice has chased away all the sanity in me

Hands skated over a too thin body. Lips worshiped the revealed skin, driving away pain with their tender ministrations. Quatre’s face was contorted in pleasure as Trowa’s mouth found his aching length and drew it slowly into his mouth, sucking lightly on the tip before drawing his cock deep into his mouth. Trowa’s tongue worked busily, flicking from point to point, stopping here the run over the vein, pausing there to dip into the slit, tasting Quatre’s passion. All too soon the blonde boy came, gasping for breath and watching as Trowa drank him, his essence, his very soul, in. As best he could Quatre pulled Trowa up his body and kissed him, tasting Trowa and himself in the moist cavern. They pulled apart and Trowa asked one last time, “Are you sure, angel?”
Quatre’s eyes pleaded, only now showing the heavy knowledge he had carried for so long, “Please, Trowa, make me forget?”
Trowa nodded and reached to the nightstand for the tube of lubrication. He spent precious minutes preparing his angel; the last thing he wanted was to cause Quatre more pain, and then himself. Finally when Quatre was literally begging for him, he slid into Quatre…and knew with a gut deep feeling that after Quatre there would never be anyone else. As Quatre sheathed him so perfectly he knew he was home.
Quatre gasped underneath him, Trowa feeling so right. He twitched his hips and whimpered, “Please, Trowa.”
Trowa slowly pulled out before thrusting back in, striking Quatre’s prostate with deadly accuracy.
Their tender lovemaking was tinged by desperate knowledge that their time was limited. After Trowa stiffened above Quatre, his climax attained they curled in each other’s arms, their problems forgotten for the moment.

These wounds won’t seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There’s just too much that time cannot erase

Trowa sits up and curls his arms around his knees, “Quatre, angel.” He inhales shakily, the pain a large ball in his chest. It hurts even to breathe. He tries to focus on the good times, tries not to mourn, tries to move on like he had promised Quatre, but he cannot. The bad times: the hospital stays and the nightmares are all that he knows now. He knows it will not get better with time and the pain rises up to swallow him again.

When you’d cry I’d wipe away all of your tears
When you’d scream I’d fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
You still held all of me

Trowa held Quatre’s hand; disturbed to see the tears falling from once happy blue eyes.
In the background machines busily beeped and hummed. His angel, his love, looked so small, so weak on the hospital bed. Quatre gripped his hand tighter and whispered, “I’m so scared. It hurts so bad.”
Trowa grimaced and covered their clasped hands with his free hand, “Do you want me to call the nurse?”
Quatre shook his head, “No, just stay with me.” Through the tears and the pain Quatre smiled up at Trowa, “I love you, Trowa.” Then his eyes closed for what would be the last time.
Trowa brought Quatre’s hand to his lips, “Angel, I…love you, too.”

I tried ard ard to tell myself that you’re gone
But though you’re still with me
I’ve been alone
I’m alone

Trowa sat in the uncomfortable plastic chair, holding his love’s hand. Though Trowa knew it was well beyond the point of hope, still a small spark lived in his heart. Today, however, that spark died. He began speaking, haltingly, his voice rusty from disuse, “It’s our anniversary, angel. The day you told me everything, and then tried to send me away. You told me it was for my own good, but I had to stay, because I loved you then. I love you still, Quatre. There’s been no one but you.” Silently he added, /there will be no one but you./
Out loud he continued, “You haven’t opened your eyes for a year, angel, and I know now you never will again.”
Trowa leaned over and pressed a last tender kiss to Quatre’s unresponsive lips, “So let go, angel, let go.”
With machines whining in the background, Trowa watched as his angel flew away from him. Now he allowed the floodgates to open and he sobbed over his love’s hollow body.

When you’d cry I’d wipe away all of your tears
When you’d scream I’d fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years

It was a sunny day, the kind of day Quatre loved. Everyone he had ever touched was there, Rashid and the Maguanacs, all his sisters and their family, Heero and Zechs, Wufei and Duo, Noin, Une, even Relena had taken time from her busy schedule to attend. No words were spoken; none had to be. As the machine lowered his angel’s body into the ground he felt as if part of him, the part Quatre had found, hery ery humanity was being buried too.
Afterwards Trowa accepted condolences from Rashid, and deflected an offer to stay with them. The sisters made the same offer, and were quite persistent, but finally the eldest ushered them off. The youngest stayed for a moment and drew him into a loving embrace, “Our brother loved you, and you brought him comfort where we could not. For his love, we love you, too. You are our brother through his love. If ever, ever you need us, let us knoPeacPeace be with you, brother.”
With tears shining in her eyes she hurried after the others.
Next he was tackled in a hug by Duo. Duo seemed to be sobbing and talking at the same time, or at least trying to. Wufei gently pulled his lover from Trowa and explained, “Duo meant to say that he’s sorry, and we have a spare bedroom if you’d like to escape your apartment.”
Trowa gave a slight nod, “Thank you, I’ll think about it.”
Wufei released Duo for a moment and hugged Trowa, whispering, “I know.”
For a second Trowa was angry and slightly confused until he realized Wufei must have been talking about Treize. He nodded again, “I’ll be fine, Wufei, but thank you.”
Wufei stared deeply into Trowa’s eyes, and with great misgivings nodded curtly, and the two left, arm in arm.
Heero and Zechs approached him after Wufei and Duo had left. Heero was silent, his eyes emotionless, but Trowa could see the shimmer of tears threatening to destroy his veneer of control. Zechs was also dry eyed, but when he spoke Trowa could hear the grief closing up his throat, “It is a shame one so truly beautiful was taken so young. I know this is something you have to deal with yourself, but if there’s anything we can do for you, please don’t hesitate to call.”
“I won’t, thank you,” Trowa murmured and they too left arm in arm.
The afternoon wore on, different voices offering the same type of words. Catherine drove him home, insisting he was in no frame of mind to be driving. She hovered around; making him food he couldn’t eat, asking if there was anything he needed. Finally he couldn’t stand another being’s presence and he told Catherine he needed to be alone. She took the hind and left, promising to be back the next day.

You still held all of me…oh

Trowa stands from the couch and moves to the window. He rests his forehead against the cool glass and stares out at the rain-drenched night, so much an echo of his own heart. He speaks up to the dark, heavy sky, the moon obscured by clouds, “Always and forever yours…my angel.”

Me…oh
Me…oh