Only You Can Hear the Melody You Dance To

Author Note: The mood is *very* depressing. Oh and Gundam Wing is in no way mine nor
will it ever be unfortunately.

Only You Can Hear the Melody You Dance To
By Cerise Rant

There is a melody that plays quietly in the back of his mind that only he knows. Many
instruments make up this imaginary strain of music. Occasionally in the real word he will
stumble across another\'s song that has a measure that sounds so much like his own. This other
person\'s song he will become obsessed with till he hears another measure in another\'s song.
And so his life moves in revolving repetitions till one day he meet one whose song plays so
much like his own that he is trapped and is completely theirs without the person ever realizing it.
Silently Quatre watched his Trowa\'s chest rise and fall in his dreamless sleep. He
stoked the others cheek thoughtfully listening to the melody turn sweet and sad before
stumbling on deep dark notes as his thoughts turned to his inner world. He saw his nightmares
even when awake and now the one of Trowa dying slowly in a puddle of cold blood as he
watched played as the music pulsed with unleashed screams as Quatre suddenly jolted himself
back to reality to stare at his living Trowa. He ran his fingers through the feathery soft hair and
smelt the musky scent. His pale hand trembled as he traced the strong jawbone and smooth
lips. Trowa smiled slightly in his sleep making a sound much like a big cat purring before falling
silent again. Quatre smiled and ran his finger down his chest enjoying the silken skins feel.
Split images of broken limbs and dead hearts flashed through his mind and the melody
rumbled pierced with high pitched piping. He shook his head and concentrated on Trowa\'s
even breathing. Almost asleep he lifted a hand to push back his bangs and the blue veins of his
wrist caught his attention. No scars blemish the smooth, white flesh through which the weaving
veins can be easily seen. No matter how many times he has scratched with his short nails no
mark remains long. The spot itches again but this time he cannot scratch it. His other arm is
pinned under Trowa\'s head. Trowa who sleeps blissfully unaware of the dark undercurrents
tormenting his pale lover.
Memories of long ago nightmares that left him shaking inside for days and months
without a steady moment. Quatre refuses to allow the images from the nightmares to resurface.
Only the horribly unsteady feeling remains to eat away at the eroded base of his mind.
Try as he may Trowa could never reach deep enough to stop the shaking. Eventually
Quatre had to pretend that all was well inside because he didn\'t want to see Trowa despair
over his incurable instability.
Quatre flicked back to reality as Trowa moaned slightly in his sleep. His breathing was
no longer slow but slightly rushed. A slow pant and he rolled on his back with his head not on
Quatre\'s arm but laid on his hand. He curled his fingers in Trowa\'s hair and felt his lover move
against him.
Smiling slightly Quatre watched Trowa move and moan to his loving dream. He
stroked Trowa\'s chest and was rewarded with the taller pilot rubbing himself against Quatre.
Leaning over him, Quatre kissed Trowa and let the pilot\'s tongue ravage his mouth as
he was suddenly pulled under him. Trowa was wide awake now and running his hands down
Quatre\'s sides. Moving lower and lower pulling away the sheet the Quatre had twisted himself
in somehow.
\'No nightmares could ruin this moment,\' Quatre thought before groaning as Trowa
grasped him gently. He felt him rub his thumb over the tip and Quatre bit back a loud gasp.
Slipping into bliss suddenly his mind fell the wrong direction and darkness flooded his melody.
Evil hands defiled him ripping and beating his unguarded flesh. He wanted to scream in horror
but his mouth only opened to black cold water and all was a void to his eyes as the viscous
hands continued to violate him. He couldn\'t struggle and felt the weight of chains on his limbs as
he felt the hands move toward a place only Trowa was allowed to touch. He tried to scream
again and felt a sharp blade held against his throat. Already he could feel hot blood run down
his neck and his chest. He felt hard nails dig at the skin on his chest and drag across its
softness.
He opened his eyes wider and saw the silhouette of a nameless soldier who was
holding the blade to his throat. The vile hands caressed this forbidden place. Suddenly cold
fingers penetrated and he tried to scream again. The blade cut deeper and more blood coursed
over his white flesh. The nameless solider moved himself closer and Quatre couldn\'t handle it
anymore. He pressed his throat fully against the blade and shuddered as it severed his flesh.
His mind swirled away into softer blackness with nothing but emptiness. Bodiless he
floated there free of all pain and emotion. His melody was silent.
Quatre opened his eyes to see Trowa leaning over him. His skin glistened with sweat
as he wiped the tears from Quatre\'s cheek. He looked worried as he watched Quatre breathe
unevenly.
So as not to worry him further, Quatre smiled as he reached up and pulled Trowa
against his chest. His flesh still tingled where the nails had scratched him in his nightmare. His
melody was playing a tired piano\'s notes. He closed his eyes hoping to stay in this peaceful
dream forever.
-------
A harsh voice disturbed his sleep and he half listened, \"Commander, he tried to kill
himself again when a soldier was trying to restrain him.\"
\"Will he live?\" said a deeper voice.
\"Yes, but he will have to stay in the psyc ward for an indefinite period of time,\" the first
voice replied.
Quatre drifted off to sleep slightly noticing the bandages on his neck.