Kazoku no Kenji

Title: Kazoku no Kenji (Family Revelations)
Author: Shota-kun
Rating: PG-13/R-ish
Pairings: Trunks/Goten, Piccolo/Gohan
Warnings: Some making out, some ass-grabbing, and some yelling
Summary: Goten comes out, but not like he planned.
Disclaimer: Toriyama Akira-sensei owns DBZ and all the yummy guys associated with it.

“Mom? Mom, hello? Trunks, I can’t do this, not now, just-”
Trunks stopped his boyfriend and turned him back around.
“C’mon, Goten, you promised me that you’d tell your mother. I told *my* parents,” said Trunks.
“Oh, yes, how difficult *that* was. ‘Just how stupid do you think we are’ and ‘whatever begets strong offspring’ aren’t exactly the stuff drama is made of, Trunks.”
Goten tried to turn around again, and was once more stopped by Trunks.
“Trunks, please, let me go. Remember when Gohan came out?”
“She was mad that it was Piccolo-san, not that he was gay! She’s never really liked Piccolo-san, you know that. Stop stalling!”
With that, Trunks smacked Goten on his rear, causing the smaller boy to shriek indignantly and dodge into the kitchen.
Goten froze. There stood his mother, his formidable mother, cooking a formidable dinner with her oh-so-formidable frying p Tru Trunks shoved Goten forward, causing the boy to stumble a little. Chichi looked back at the noise, smiling to see her youngest son.
“Goten-chan! I needed to speak with you, just one moment, let me finish this up…”
Goten looked back at Trunks nervously, who poked him, mouthing, “don’t worry.” Goten made a mental note to deprive Trunks of sex for the next week.
“Uh…mom, I…I kinda need to speak with you about somethin’…” Goten mumbled nervously.
“What? Speak up, Goten-chan, I can’t quite hear you.”
“I said, I need to-”
Goten was cut off by the ringing of the telephone.
“That’s her!” Chichi gasped, rushing to the phone. “Goten, go upstairs and change into something nice, fast!”
“But I-”
Chichi spun around, and Goten leapt backwards into Trunks’ arms. His mother was in one of her scarier moods.
“Goten, your grandmother is coming over for dinner, and I will *not* have you looking like some sort of hoodlum when she does! Now get dressed!” She jabbed her spoon in the direction of Goten’s room, then turned to Trunks, a sweet look coming over her face.
“Trunks-kun, would you like to stay for dinner? Why don’t you go upstairs and help my Goten-chan get dressed, hm?”
Trunks nodded dumbly and began walking towards Goten’s room.
“And no funny business in there!” Chichi shouted behind them.
Once inside the safety of his bedroom, Goten sank to the floor with his face in his hands.
“I can’t do this, Trunks. I can’t come out to my mother *and* my grandmother. I haven’t seen my grandmother since…since…since I was a *baby!* Trunks…”
“You don’t have to greet her with, ‘hey, Grandma, I’m gay’; when she asks the inevitable ‘do you have a girlfriend’, I’ll squeeze your ass and-”
Goten smacked Trunks upside the head.
“Ow! …and you’ll say, ‘no, but I do have a most wonderfully sexy boyfriend’. Ow!”
“Don’t you *dare* grab my ass in front of my grandmother,” Goten warned. “Now help me pick out something nice to wear.”

Thirty minutes, a change of clothes, and a make-out session “for support” later, n ann and Trunks entered the kitchen to see Gohan and Chichi setting up the dinner table. To their surprise, Piccolo was meditating in the corner; both boys had to wonder if Gohan had possibly threatened his lover with a significant amount of no sex. Even Piccolo wasn’t invulnerable to *that.*
Goten shifted uncomfortably as Piccolo stared unfathomably him, and bega wor worry the idea that Piccolo could see through clothes, and was perhaps at the moment staring at the hickey on Goten’s neck.
In the living room, Grandpa Gyuumaou was talking excitedly with Gokuu, who was dressed nicely for a change and holding baby Pan. Pan, two years old and looking for the most part like a human, was currently trying to gnaw on one of her antennae, neither of which were long enough for her to do so.
“I haven’t seen Raji and Tere in *ages*, not since Goten was born!” Grandpa was saying.
“Really?” Looking puzzled, Gokuu scratched his head. “I don’t remember that…”
“You were dead, Gokuu.”
“Oh yeah…”
Goten and Trunks walked out to the front yard, flopping down onto the grass and gazing up at the sky. Trunks slowly moved his hand over Goten’s, rubbing it gently with his thumb. Goten blushed.
“Goten…”
A loud rumbling filled the air as a small dot appeared in the distance. It quickly became bigger and bigger until Goten could make out a Capsule Corporation hover-motorcycle; and as it came closer, Goten could see two figures riding it.
“Bikers, all the way out here?” Goten murmured.
“Maybe they’re explorers searching for the dragon balls,” Trunks joked.
The vehicle began to slow as it approached the house, stopping a few feet away from where Goten and Trunks sat. The figure in front hopped off, pulling off the helmet to reveal a rather good-looking man, around Grandpa’s age, with short grey hair. The second rider, obviously a woman – she wore a prim dress and sat sidesaddle on the bike – removed her helmet as well. The man offered her a hand and helped her off the motorcycle. He then pushed a button on the side, causing the bike to shrink back into a capsule, which he caught in the air with a grin on his face.
“Oh, my,” said the woman, brushing back strands of greying black hair, “is this our little Goten-chan?”
Goten yanked his hand away from Trunks and stood up quickly. This woman must be his grandmother…but she had a boyfriend (a husband, perhaps!) and she rode a *motorcycle*. Granted, he had known that she and Grandpa had divorced some time when his mother was young, but he had never expected her to have found a…a male friend…and one with a motorcycle, at that…
Trunks, who had stood up as well, bowed to the woman in front of them.
“It is very nice to meet you, grandmother*,” Trunks said politely.
The woman laughed gently, as did the man, and Goten suddenly felt like he just couldn’t take it anymore.
“Excuse me,” he said, rushing into the house past Gokuu and Grandpa, who were coming out to meet Grandma and her…
“Goten-chan!”
Goten’s mother interrupted his thoughts abruptly as she entered the living room, wiping her hands on her apron. “Where are you going so fast, young man?”
“Grandma’s here,” Goten blurted out. “And she’s brought…” he couldn’t bring himself to finish.
Chichi paused for a second, and then chuckled.
“I see,” she said, smiling. “Well, go get your brother and Piccolo-sa,” her nose wrinkled at Piccolo’s name, “but be careful, I think they may just be arguing.” Chichi leaned in conspiratorially and whispered, “Piccolo-sa isn’t very enthusiastic about being here, and I believe Gohan-chan is referring to a few weeks with no-”
“Thanks, mom, I’ll be careful,” Goten said loudly, hurrying away. He really didn’t want to think about it.
“-and I was more than happy to search for the dragon balls again when *you* felt the need to summon your dad from the dead, just so you could yell at him for-”
“-listen, no one *made* you do that, Gohan, all I said was, ‘I’m going to give that old bastard a piece of my mind,’ and you were off and ready to go on some little adventure-”
“-I had to fight him when he decided to ‘kill the offspring of that wretched Son Gokuu!’, nearly got Pan killed, too-”
“-don’t be so melodramatic, he wasn’t even aiming at Pan, he thought she adorable-”
“-wanted to drag her back to hell with him and make her his heir-”
“ And I stopped him, didn’t I?!” Piccolo shouted.
“And what about the time when you got into an argument with Kami-sama, and you were driving *everyone* crazy arguing with yourself? You sounded like-”
“-entirely *his* damn fault-”
“That’s not the point!” Gohan yelled. “The point is, I have put up with a *lot* of crap from *your* family, and all I ask of you is to be civil with mine!”
They stood there, glaring at each other with the utmost anger in their eyes, and some lust. Goten decided that this would be an excellent time to butt in; fights between Gohan and Piccolo usually ended in mindless making out.
“Er…” he began, stepping back a little when both Gohan and Piccolo snapped their attention onto him. “Um…Grandma’s here.”

Dinner was an interesting affair. They ate in the backyard, since the table in the kitchen wasn’t large enough to hold eight people. Gohan and Piccolo, seated next to each other, refused to talk to each other (since their argument didn’t end in mad snogging**, Gohan and Piccolo were building up their anger, and their lust. The Son-Daimaou residence would be noisy tonight). Gohan spent dinner chatting with his mother and grandmother and glaring at Piccolo, while Piccolo listened in on the male conversation, grunting occasionally when he wasn’t glaring at Gohan. Goten said little during the whole conversation, despite the man’s (Raji, he had learned) attempts to talk to him; Goten was too busy dreading the time when his grandmother would turn her attentions to him ask him The Question.
Raji continued to talk at him.
“So, Goten,” he said between mouthfuls of rice, “I hear you like-”
Please don’t say boys, please don’t say boys, Goten’s mind pleaded.
“-studying communication,” Raji finished.
Goten sighed a mental sigh of relief.
“Er…yeah. Yeah, I do,” said Goten.
“Interesting field of study, that,” said Raji. “Planning on majoring it in college?”
“Er, yeah.” Goten really didn’t feel like talking with Raji. The man was awful nosy for someone who was just his grandmother’s…friend.
“What college do you want to attend?”
“Oh…I don’t know…I’m still looking at them.”
“Hm.” Raji nodded his head thoughtfully as he chewed his teriyaki. “You and Trunks, you’re only a year apart, right? Looking at the same colleges he is, am I right?” Raji smiled mischievously at Goten, his brown eyes glittering.
“Well, maybe – wait, what?” What was this guy playing at? Did he know? Had he seen Trunks holding his hand earlier as Raji and Grandma arrived?
“You know, there’s a saying that if a couple attends college together, they shall live happily forever,” Raji said, as if he wasn’t outing Goten and Trunks to the Son family.
Everyone seemed to halt. Goten wanted to melt away into the ground and never return. At that moment, he hated Raji more than anything. That old bastard! He-
“Well, living happily forever is all well and good, mother, but Goten-chan is going to college for education, not romance,” Chichi said firmly, and everyone unfroze, as if nothing had just happened.
Wait. *Mother?!*
“I’m sure Goten can accomplish both,” Raji said around another bite of teriyaki. She looked up at Goten with glittering brown eyes. “Can’t you, Goten?”
Wait. If Raji…if Raji was his grandmother, then…the woman speaking with Chichi, Tere…Tere was…
Holy crap, my grandmother is a bull dyke, thought Goten.
Discreetly, hidden from view by the table, Trunks squeezed his ass.

*In Japan, people are often referred to with labels according to their age; old people, for example, are referred to as “grandmother” or “grandfather”. Teenagers and young adults are called “older brother” or “older sister” (if the speaker is younger than them), and adults are “aunt” or “uncle”. Goten, for example, always refers to Vegeta as “uncle” (Gohan, however, just attaches “-san” to the end of everyone’s name, which indicates that he is closer to everyone else than Goten is).
**Hurrah, British words! In case someone out there doesn’t read Harry Potter slash, “snogging” means “making out”.
***Yes, this idea is from Love Hina.

NOTES: The names “Raji” and “Tere” are puns. Raji means “radio” (rajio) and Tere means “television” (terebi).