Hormone Therapy
Hormone Therapy
xmlns=\"http://www.w3.org/TR/REC-html40\">
Hormone Therapy
Card
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'>
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'>Notes:
Slash. Misplaced drugs.
Sex.
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'>I do not own DBZ or any of the characters, because
if I did, Chichi would be a crater, and the show would be: Dragon Ball Nc-17.
mso-bidi-font-size:1t\'>t\'>
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'>~~~~~**
Bulma
often worked on projects that she never really had any intention of
finishing. It was just a way to keep
her busy so she didn’t kill the neurotic Saiyan that lived in her house.
the Prince of All Saiyans” and “Don’t mock the great Vegeta” she was just about
sick of him. A few involuntarily blood
samples later—she shocked the Prince into complete paralysis by jumping into
his shower with him one day—she was dissecting his genetics and figure out a
way to make him pregnant. Odd, she
realized, considering in order for him to get pregnant he would need to undergo
a reverse hysterectomy—that is to say, someone would need to donate a uterus to
him—but she was not deterred. Nothing
was impossible. Hormone therapy was
curing all the ills of the world, so it would certainly—eventually—allow Vegeta
to grow an uterus. What exactly she
would do with the Prince of all Saiyans once he had one, she had no idea.
it?
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'> If
she had to listen to him prostrate on how great he was, how powerful he was and
how Goku was a third-class idiot, she was going to pound him into the ground,
and he wouldn’t have to worry about defeating Goku.yes\">
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'> After
nearly six months of toiling over the magic uterus-growing potion, she trudged
into her kitchen with a—clearly marked beaker full—of the mixture, and in a
huff seton ton the counter. Exhaustion
drove her from there to her bed, and she slept for many hours, only to wake up
and find that the beaker was empty.
mso-bidi-font-s12.012.0pt\'> What
sort of idiot drinks a beaker that says DO NOT DRINK?yes\"> How could one person be that stupid?
And
a part of her giggled and hoped that it was Vegeta that did it, because it
would be hilarious to find him trying to figure out what the hell was
happening. In fact, it would be downright
sidesplitting. But, she did not know if
he had done it, and she didn’t know the side effects, so she just heaved a
great sigh, and returned to her lab to try and figure out a way to synthesize
more of the liquid.
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'>~~~~~*
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'> Vegeta
was starting to think that maybe he ate something he shouldn’t have.
with Kakarot that made him feel sick.
The man had a way of beating the blunt facts into Vegetaan
an
style=\"mso-spacerun: yes\"> He wasn’t stronger, but he was getting
stronger.spanspan>The Prince had stormed into
the kitchen blindly—dirt and blood were crusted in his eyes—and picked up what
he thought was his glass from that morning, found that he had left water in it,
being too angry to really care that the water was old, he had swallowed it all
in one gulp.
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'> That
was four hours ago. And his stomach was
seizing. His chest hurt like someone
had punched through him and he had the distinct feeling that his hair was
growing longer—not in the Super Saiyan good way.yes\"> All these things were more than a little unnerving.
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'> So
he stumbled down the stairs, yelled for the woman.yes\"> She appeared, in a haze that was sort of psychedelic purple, and
he crossed his eyes, trying to focus on just one of her.
teachers on Charlie Brown. No language
he would ever understand. Then she put
her hands on her hips, and he knew that whatever he was experiencing was
entirely her fault, and entirely irreversible.
The purple swirled, changed to orange, and he was now looking at what—to
him anyway—seemed like a giant talking pumpkin.yes\">
clasclass=MsoNormal style=\'line-height:150%\'>mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'> Something
smacked him, and he reeled, because the pumpkin before him had grown slimy
tentacles and was waving them all in the air acreecreeching like a bat.
gravity was being inverted around him.
He felt upside down. Something
was against his back, and when he turned around, he was face to face with a
giant wall. Orange faded to blue, and
he looked over his shoulder as the pumpkin became and eggplant and the
tentacles all pointed at the giant wall.
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'> Vegeta
stepped back, felt gravity give way again, and passed out.
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'>~~~~~*
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'> Goku
crouched and looked at the odd look on Vegeta’s unconscious face, and the drool
that was slipping down his chin. “What
happened to Vegeta?” he asked.
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'> Bulma
huffed, put her s ons on her hips again.
“I think he drank something I was working on.”
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'> “He
looks green.”
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'> “Of
course he looks green!” Bulma said. “I
don’t know about you Saiyans, you’re always getting into things you don’t
belong in. All I did was leave the
beaker for five minutes and the idiot drank it.”
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'> “What
did he drink?” Goku asked. He poked
Vegeta and watched the unconscious man swat at the annoyance.
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'> “A
synthetic hormone. Goku, could you pick
him up and carry him to my lab? I need
to see what he’s done to himself.”
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'> Goku
nodded, scooped up the prince and followed after Bulma.
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'> “Why
are you here anyway, Goku?”
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'> “Oh,
Chichi went home to visit her father, and I was hungry.”
back, scratched the back of his head and smiled.yes\">
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'> Bulma
pulled out a needle, braced herself as Goku screeched and flew back.
and took a blood sample from the sleeping Prince.yes\"> Once the needle was out of sigh, Goku inched forward again.
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'> “What
are you doing?” he asked.
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'> “Trying
to extract the gender identifying genetic material from this sample of
blood.” She looked over her shoulder at
Goku, who was just standing there, blinking.
For such a large person, his brain had to be slightly smaller than
average. “I want to see if my mix
worked. If it did, Vegeta might have
become part-female.”
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'> “Oh.”
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'> Almost
half an hour later, Goku was stretching and exercising—it had only taken him
five minutes to eat everything in her kitchen—and Bulma sighed, pushed away
from the console. “Well, good news and
bad news,” she said. “The potion worked
exactly like I thought it would.”
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'> “So
what’s the bad news?” Goku asked.
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'> “Vegeta’s
a girl—well, he’s part female anyway.
He’s able to get pregnant. But
he won’t have mammary glands or anything like that.”
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'> “What’s
that?” Goku asked.
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'> “Boobs,”
Bulma explained. “He can get pregnant
but he doesn’t have boobs.”
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'>
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'>~~~~~**
was waking up gradually. His head was
pounding like a jackhammer. His hips
ached horribly, and he had the distinct feeling that someone was starin
hi
him. All his senses were deadened, and
he tried to move but found that he couldn’t.
That unnerving feeling of having too many people around him was back,
and as he struggled to move, he caught vague noises.yes\"> First something that sounded like Kakarot, and then, in crystal
clear perception:
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'> “Vegeta’s
a girl.”
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'> WHAT?!
what the stupid woman had done to him, but his muscles barely even
twitched. He could hear Kakarot saying
something, and he seethed to think that overgrown idiot lis listening to
whatever drabble that woman was spouting.
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'> Then:
“Boobs. He can get pregnant but he
doesn’t have boobs.”
mso-biont-ont-size:12.0pt\'> WHAT?!?!
do anything more than that. His eyesight
started to return, he could see blurry bulbous shapes, one looked blue and one
looked orange. Great.
demanded: “What?!”
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'> Bulma
sighed. Then she started bitching:
that potion? It said very clearly not
to drink it! Why would you do that
Vegeta?”
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'> “I
am not a woman!” he snapped.
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'> “If
you don’t want to believe me then see for yourself.”
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'> “What
is that supposed to mean,an?”an?”
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'> Bulma
met his angry stare and pointedly dropped her gaze to his crotch.
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'> So
Vegeta got up, ignored the wobbling in his legs, the pain in his hips, and
stormed off to the bathroom. Upon
lifting the waist band of his pants he found that he was still a male, but just
to be absolutely sure, he used his hand to examine everything.
Good. And then, he touched
something that didn’t seem exactly normal.
His finger slid into an opening to his body that had not been there
before.n stn style=\"mso-spacerun: yes\">
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'> And
he exploded in rage. How dare that
arrogant woman even think to do something like this to him.
Great Vegeta. Entire races had bowed
before him and begged for his mercy!
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'> It
was just about then that Kakarot opened the door and shouted—in a childlike,
gleeful voice—“Hey, Vegeta! You’re
Super Saiyan!”
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'> That
failed to make Vegeta happy. He yanked
his hand back out of his pants, storm passed the man and into Bulma’s lab.
now!”
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'> Bulma
was trying very hard not to laugh at him, and she shook her head and swallowed
the giggles. “I can’t.”
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'> “What
do you mean you CAN’T?!”
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'> “I
mean, it took me six months to do this.
I can’t just fix it like that.”
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'> Kakarot
was sniffing the air arouim.
you guys smell something?”
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'> Vegeta’s
eyes widened impossible as he sniffed the air and realized to his great dismay
that it was him that Kakarot was sniffing for.
The giant baka moved, sniffing, until he traced the smell right back to
Vegeta, then he looked at the Prince oddly and sniffed the air again.
had previously never gripped him so tightly, and then took off, flying out of
the building and into the open air, trying to outrun the Saiyan he was sure
would be following him. But, of course,
Kakarot had learned instant transmission, and he appeared right in front of
Vegeta’s hurried escape.
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'> “I
don’t think you should be out here, Vegeta.
Bulma said the potion probably has side-effects.”
the air again, moving closer to Vegeta with every twitch of his nose until he
was practically a part of Vegeta. Then
he grinned at the Prince with half-lidded eyes.yes\"> “You smell really good, Vegeta.”
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'> It
was just about then that the world went a brilliant shade of green.
stalk of asparagus, and Vegeta screamed, because he was losing his grip on
reality at the same time the only other living Saiyan was responding to an
available prospective mate. Vegeta
tried to move back, but the asparagus stalk before him moved with him, dipped
its pointed head and then pain blossomed on Vegeta’s shoulder, made him yelp—the
world turned pink, bright, stars and hearts exploded in Vegeta’s vision, and he
had a few moments of clarity before he lost consciousness again.
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'>
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'>~~~~~~~~~~~~*
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'> Nope,
has nothing to do with the other fic.
This idea came to me. Should sum
it up rather quick in comparison to the other one.
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'>Gk:
You’re the girl in this
one!
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'>Vegeta:
Transcendentalism, man. *looking
groovy, feeling groovy*
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'>Gk:
Hey! Why ’t I’t I get to get
high?
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'>Vegeta: It’s
all goo. Free love, man!
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'>Gk: And what
about Chichi?
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'>Author: Died
in transit?
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'>Gk: Huh?
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt\'>Vegeta: She
is just a tiny part of the universe, man, what hill of beans will amount to…?