Behind Blue Eyes
Behind Blue Eyes
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font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>DISCLAIMER: I think it is too
obvious for me to bother and say it, but still: I don’t own them. I do own
Nora, though. She is MINE. *evil laugh*
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>WARNING: NC-17. Angst, sex,
drama, reference to past NCS. 1+OFC (non-romantic relationship), OMCx1 / OFCx1
(just a one night stand). Eventual 2x1 (that means that there’s no 2x1 going
around for at least a half of the fic!).
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>AUTHOR’S NOTE: Ahh... winter.
The rain, the cloudy skies, the puddles on the road and the mud you walk
through on the way to base... I love winter. The weather is so inspiring... the
gloomy atmosphere just begs for something to be written down on paper.
Sitting shivering in my military-issued raincoat, inside a freezing office
located in some God forsaken base, I suddenly had a flash of lightning in my
head that told me- WRITE! So I wrote. And this is what came out of it.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Enjoy.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>
BLUE EYES
ONE
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>* * *
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>The rain was pouring hard
over the gray streets of the city. The mirror-glass windows were slick with
water and covered with vapor from the inside. People ran up and down the
pavement, rubbing their glove-clad hands while their trench coats flapped
behind them. The consistent drizzle painted the streets with a darker shade,
gathering in mirror-like puddles. Heavy gray clouds trailed lazily up in the
heavens, crawling along the city skyline as they sprayed it with icy water.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>The traffic, of course, was
unaffected by the chilly winter weather, and the humming of vehicles could be
heard clearly over the rain. The colorful traffic lights glittered over watery
car tops. They painted the puddles on the road with flashing colors of red,
yellow and green, disturbed only when a car raced through the puddle, splashing
about.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>In this frigid winter
morning, people did not bother too much with being friendly. They rushed along
the city streets, hurrying to their office where it was safe and warm. They
didn’t spare each other one glance, their hands shoved deeply into their
pockets and their gazes locked on the ground, trying to avoid the nasty puddles
that tainted their path. Once in a while a person or two would stop, cursing as
a car splashed them with water or after having their expensive shoes sink into
a puddle.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Having all of their attention
absorbed into their own selves, none of the passer-bys noticed the solemn young
man walking among them. The man, barely out of his teens, was walking against
the flow of people, hardly even trying to avoid colliding with any of them. His
forlorn blue eyes were glued to the ground as he walked, his slim body
shivering under his worn out jacket. The cheap brown jacket was wet from the
rain, as was the boy’s chocolate brown hair, which was plastered to his face.
The pale features were blank and unrevealing what went behind the
expressionless visage. The young man’s eyes, though, told volumes of his past.
Tales of sss, ss, anguish, hurt and longing hid within the mysterious blue
oceans, as if held captive within an icy jewel-like prison.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>The rain began to pour
harder, and people ran towards their work place, some taking shelter inside the
nearest skyscraper. The young man’s pace did not change, and still he kept
walking slowly towards his destination, uncaring that his clothes were wet and
his wild brown bangs were dripping water. After some time, when the chilly
breeze has already managed to make his lips nearly blue, the young man stopped
in front of a small, modest, diner. With a sigh that raised vapor from his
lips, he pushed the heavy glass doors and entered.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Once inside the simple diner,
he was grateful for the heat that surrounded him. He quickly shed his soaked
jacket as he made his way to the kitchen. His uniforms, a pair of simple black
trousers and a white, blue and pink collared-shirt, were also wet from the
rain. His boss, a scornful old man, flashed him a harsh look over his
newspaper. He watched as the teen arranged his things in the kitchen, nodded
his hello to the cook and then turned to greet him as well. No words broke
through the teen’s lips. It was the look in his eyes and the slight nodding of
his head that spoke for him. The old man shook his head in disappointment and
returned to his newspaper.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“You’re late, Yuy. Get to
work.” He muttered sternly even as his young worker was already making his way
out of the kitchen and out towards the service counter.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Not a word slipped passed the
teen’s lips as he arranged his post behind the cash register, his slender shoulders
still shivering from the cold, his teeth also chattering. He took his name-tag
from a small shelf under the counter and pinned it to his front pocket in
distaste. He eyed the letters spelling his name, a bit of sarcasm in his
otherwise cold blue eyes. Although the name-tag did say ‘Heero Yuy’, he
couldn’t honestly say that he had any other proof that it was indeed his name.
As ridicules as it was, this silly name-tag was the only proof he had for even
having a name. He carried no ID; he possessed no identity at all. As far as the
modern, bureaucratic world was concerned, he didn’t even exist.
should be a bit more mindful of arriving to work in time. Not many places
nowadays would hire someone who didn’t officially exist. As much as he h
th
this job, as much as he wanted to quit each time his boss gave him another
lecture on whatever he felt like shouting at him at that moment, he knew that
it was his only option right now.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>The world was not kind to
ex-soldiers with no identity. The post-war world was not as grateful as to be
expected of it. He berated himself for expecting ANYTHING from a world that has
so far proven hostile towards him. There wasn’t a moment in his life in which
he recalled feeling at peace with the world. His life was a constant struggle,
even now, nine months and three weeks after the end of the war.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Despite the freezing weather
and rain, costumers did start to pour into the diner. He took their orders,
served their food, thanked them politely for a small tip and just let the day
pass by him in an agonizing pace. He hated his life, but he became numb towards
the feeling. He simply learned to accept it.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>*yes\"> * *
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Engulfed by bitterness, Heero
finished his work for the day. He took his now dry jacket off the coat hanger
in the kitchen, muttered an almost inaudible goodbye to his grumpy employer and
left the diner. Outside, the wind was blowing hard, tousling his bangs wildly
and spraying him with a cold shower of rain clu clutched his jacket close to his
torso, as if the shabby piece of clothing will provide enough shelter from the
cold. Unlike that morning, his pace was fast as he hurried towards the nearest
bus station. He caught the bus just before its departure from the station,
panting as he ran into the vehicle. He thanked the driver for waiting a seconore,ore, paid him and took a seat in the back of the bus.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Sighing, he slumped into the
seat and wiped his damp bangs aside. He leaned heavily against the cool window,
his numb blue eyes watching the city lights pass by in a blur. The streets were
dark now, at this late evening hour. The wet asphalt roads and pavements
reflected the many neon signs decorating the streets. Numerous people walked
among the shops, despite the freezing weather. He thought about getting off by
the nearest supermarket, but he had worked two shifts straight today and he was
too exhausted to go and buy his weekly groceries. It can wait; he wasn’t hungry
anyway. He hardly ever was. He only ate because he knew he had too, and even those
cases were becoming rare. He wasn’t hungry, so why bother to spend money on
food? It was just a big waste of something he was already running low on.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-ly:Vly:Verdana\'>After a twenty minute bus
ride, Heero was walking heavily towards his apartment building, his shoulders
slumped and his gaze cast down. Though the rain had stopped pouring, the chilly
wind was still howling, hitting his back harshly even as he entered the
building.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Entering his small, one room,
apartment, he dropped his keys on the small table by the door, and waddled
tiredly towards his miniature kitchen. His movements were like an automaton as
he placed a kettle on the stove and boiled some water. Opening the cupboard, he
took out a large black mug, with a small chip and a crack on the edge. He
sighed heavily as he worked through the motions, unthinking as his hands did
the work they knew so well. His eyes showed how much the routine was killing
him, but his hands still moved expertly, making a hot cup of tea.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Still in his wet uniforms,
Heero sat by the small kitchen table, with barely enough room for and and just
stared ahead numbly.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>The apartment was awfully
quiet. The only light to illuminate the small flat was the dim light in the
kitchen. Since the place was so small, it was enough to dimly light the living
room as well. The sofa was open, taking the form of a small double bed. It took
most of the open space in the living room, its edge nearly kissing the small
counter on which an old 15” television set stood. A heavy quilt was tossed
carelessly on the floor, the sheets tangled and messy - a result of another
nightmare.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>He didn’t bother to clean up
the room before he left this morning. During the war he kept his things tidy
like a good soldier should. Folding his blanket each morning, military style,
and stretching the sheets so well that one could flip a coin on them and the
coin will bounce back up. But now... now things were different. There was no
point. No point at all. To nothing, really. He had dishes from days ago still
lying in the sink, waiting to be washed. He was just too tired, too drained of
energy to do anything. Sometimes he was so tired that he couldn’t even sleep.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>He was cold. Inside and
outside. He shivered in his wet clothing, the cool crisp air of the apartment
digging into his skin. The heating broke down three days ago and the landlord
was too much of a bastard to fix it. He would have done it himself, he surely
didn’t lack the skill for it, but the cold made him even number. He simply
didn’t care anymore.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>He knew that he was depressed.
He could recognize the symptoms well enough, but the paradox was that he was
too depressed to even care.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Vea\'>a\'>*yes\"> * *
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>One of the few joys he had in
life - maybe even the only joy he had left - was a warm shower at the end of
the day. He spent nearly an hour sitting on the greenish porcelain as he let
the showerhead rain warm water on him. The hot currents caressed his body,
soothing the numbness and cold for a little while. He scrubbed himself hard,
washing his hands so many times until they ached.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Sometimes he could see it,
tloodlood staining his hands. It was a constant feeling of filth clinging to
his palms, but sometimes, just for a brief second, he could also see the dark
crimsion on his hands. The images were mere flashes of something that wasn’t really
there, but they were enough to convince him of its existence. When he showered,
the feeling would disappear for a little while.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>After making sure that his
hands were red only because he had scrubbed them too hard, Heero stepped out of
the shower. His skin covered with Goosebumps as he walked out of the bathroom
and into the cool air of the apartment. He crawled into his sofa/bed, pulled
the thick blanket as high as his neck, closed his eyes and pretended that he
was dead. He pretended to be lying dead under the warm, soft, earth. Just lying
still... listening to silence... The feeling was almost elevating. It was
enough to sooth his mind for a few moments, just enough to relax and allow
sleep to come.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>The silent humming of traffic
and the soft tapping of the rain on his window lulled him gently to sleep. In a
matter of minutes he will awaken by a paranoid feeling that danger was nearby.
The nagging feeling never left him be. He was going crazy, losing his sanity to
mental residues of war. Feelings that stole sleep from his aching eyes, that
jerked him awake and left him panting from fear in the middle of the night,
were constant visitors to his sleep. They were even worse than the unvarying
feeling of clotted blood on his hands.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Sometimes his mind would make
up stories, sick fantasies of being watched. Being stalked. Tortured. Maybe
even killed. He felt trapped, stuck in a corner with his back against the wall.
He wanted to die and live at the same time. He wanted... all he really wanted
was peace. Not the kind of peace he fought for, but the kind of peace that will
let him sleep quietly through the night. He wanted someone to hold him. It was
so cold...
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Shivering in his bed, Heero
closed his eyes tight and slipped into a haunted, restless sleep.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>*yes\"> * *
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-familrdanrdana\'>Another day was , ma, marking
the end of his long week. He had forty eight hours before he had to go back to
work. He would have liked to work during the weekend, but his boss did not
allow it. The old man insisted that he needed to get a life. Heero guessed that
he simply didn’t want to pay him so damn much. During this free time he usually
slept, curled inside the warm covers. The rest of the weekend he spent working
out, trying to keep in shape. There was no real reason for him to work so hard
on his body, but at least if he kept himself busy, the demons would wait a
little longer before haunting him.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>And so, with the thought of a
warm bed and a long sleep in mind, Heero made his way home. While walking the
short distance from the bus station to his building, he stumbled into a woman,
around forty or so, who’d apparently dropped her shopping bag and her groceries
were scattered all over the pavement. He caught her sight just when she
crouched to pick up her things, her hands feeling around as if she couldn’t
see. Lying at her feet was a long metal rod, a walking cane of some sort, or
rather a guiding cane. It didn’t take long for him to realize that she was
blind.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Kneeling by her side, Heero
reached for an orange and placed it carefully in her bag. “Here, ma’am, let me
help.” He said, which was probably the first thing he said all week that didn’t
involve the words “thank you” and
“that will be a dollar ninety nine”.
font-family:Ver;mso;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>He could hear the woman gasp
silently and turn in the direction of his voice. She seemed stunned for a
moment, before her features hardened with a glare. “I don’t need your help,
boy, so back off.” She muttered, her unseeing blue eyes directed at him despite
her blindness. If he had to take a wild guess, he’d say that she was “looking”
at his mouth, the sound of his voice like a guide to her eyes.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>He looked down at the fallen
groceries, his eyes scanning the scene quickly and assessing the situation. notenoted that the brown paper bag had torn, its bottom ripped to half. By the
amount of groceries lying around them Heero concluded that they weighed too
much for such a simple bag. There was no way the woman could use the torn bag,
nor would she be able to carry these by herself along with the guiding cane she
had to carry. She needed assistance even if she didn’t want it.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Taking a deep breath, Heero
reached for another vegetable and began gathering the fallen items to his lap.
“Your bag is torn,” He replied in his regular monotone. “I can help you.”
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“I might be blind, boy, but I
am not incompetent.” The woman muttered harshly, her dead eyes managing to look
scornful despite their blindness. Crouching in front of her, Heero looked up at
her with a slightly baffled expression. He couldn’t tear his gaze off her eyes.
They were a very intense shade of blue, though they were dull and unfocused.
However, despite the fact that her eyes had lost their light, there was still
something burning within them. They were too hard, too harsh and unforgiving to
be dead. Heero swallowed and hurried to look away. Those eyes were even more
lifeless than his own eyes, in more ways than one.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Heero sighed and picked up
that last of the groceries, cradling the large pile in his arms. He slowly rose
to his feet and looked down at the woman. She slowly stood up herself.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“I’m sorry.” He finally said,
knowing that he had doubted the woman’s ability and humiliated her. “I did not
mean to offend you. The bag is torn, and the pile is quite heavy, so I
thought...”
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>His voice slowly trailed off
as he noticed that her features were slowly softening. He suddenly realized how
beautiful the woman was. Despite the fact that she was old enough to be his
mother, he had to admit that she was very attractive. Not that he was drawn to her,
God forbid, but it was just something that registered somewhere in the back of
his mind. She had long brown hair, which was a much lighter shade than his, and
reached down to her knees. It was gathered in a simple
her thick black raincoat. Her features werefont-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'> thin and her skin rather
smooth for a woman her age. She was about his height, and her figure was
slender. She had a very dignified air around her, something almost noble in the
way she stood. Her body was rigid even though her features had softened a bit.
He couldn’t help but sense that she was feeling threatened by him. He wondered
what could have made her so distrustful. Then again, considering the war that
had raged not so long ago, he shouldn’t be so surprised.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“I don’t mean any harm.” He
finally finished, trying to look apologetic, though she couldn’t possibly see
him. “I just thought I could be of assistance.”
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>The woman frowned, wrinkles
appearing on her forehead. She seemed so suspicious of him, making hi
“All right, if you insist. But I don’t want to be of any trouble.”
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“You won’t.” He hurried to
assure her. “I don’t have anything better to do anyway.”
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>The woman’s frown deepened,
like she was thinking over what he said. It made him feel even more
self-conscious. She was probably wondering what kind of a strange looser he
must be. He sighed and shifted the groceries in his arms. He felt like her
unseeing eyes were, in some bizarre way, seeing straight through him.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“Very well then,” the woman
finally spoke, “My apartment building is right over here, so you won’t have to
walk far anyway.” With this bitter explanation the woman flipped her hair back
and began marching towards the nearest building. Heero followed her silently.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>*yes\"> *
*
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>He wasn’t overly shocked to
discover that the woman lived in the same building as he did. She lived two
floors beneath his, in an apartment not much bigger than his own. Her flat
contained a bedroom in addition to the living room, and it also had a bigger
kitchen. It was dark and moldy like a rat hole. He was surprised to find that
she lived in such poor conditions. He somehow assumed, with no good reason
really, that the woman’s place would be different. Brighter, well decorated and
filled with some pleasant scent. It was not the case. Her apartment was as cold
as his was, dark as his was and just as messy. He assumed that she simply
didn’t have the need to decorate the place. She couldn’t see it anyway. Still,
it could have been nice because... because of what? He had no idea. All he knew
is that it bothered him greatly to see another human being living a hell
similar to his.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“Are you going to come in or
just stand there and stare?” The woman half said, half growled at him. “If you
say you live in this building, you shouldn’t be so surprised.” She muttered,
walking into the small apartment, her long braid swining from side to side as
she walked.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Heero turned to look at her,
his expression stunned. She seemed to read him so well even without seeing his
reactions. Was it just a good guess? A bitter assumption? It can’t be just a
simple coincidence. Ah! Why was he thinking about it so hard?! He should just
finish what he started and move on with his life.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>He stayed long enough to help
her place the groceries in place. The pantry’s door creaked when he opened it.
He wasn’t stunned to find it mostly empty. There was only a half empty bag of
rice and two can of some kind. The woman - he still didn’t ask for her name –
placed the rest of her shopping in the small refrigerator. Heero noted that the
old fridge was in desperate need for cleaning, but he didn’t say anything. It
was none of his business.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>When he was done, he merely
stood there for a second, staring ahead. The woman was searching around with
her hands until she found a small rusty kettle. She felt her way to the sink
and filled it with water. Heero watched as she placed it on the stove and then
began looking around for something else. A moment later and she still could not
find it. Taking a deep breath, Heero walked over to the stove and reached for
the small shelf above it. He picked up a small matchbox and handed it to the
woman.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“Ma’am,” he said to draw her
attention, but she was already “looking” at him with those accusing eyes of
hers. Heero swallowed and placed the matchbox in her hands. “I’m sorry.” He
mumbled, backing away from her. “I’ll... I’ll leave now.” He added quietly,
slowly turning around to exit the kitchen.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“Wait,” she called after him
when he was nearly at the door.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Heero stopped and turned
around. He saw her standing at the kitchen doorway, staring in his general
direction. Again he was reminded that she couldn’t see him, which called for a
verbal reply. He was speaking more than he had all week. Maybe even a month.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“Is something wrong?” He
asked, trying to sound concerned though his voice was still a detached
monotone. He hated it so much. He sounded as cold as he felt.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>The woman’s frown
disappeared. “Well, I suppose I should at least thank you.” She muttered as if
she was displeased by the idea.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“There’s no need to thank me,
ma’am.” Heero hurried to reply, shaking his head. “I’ve done nothing out of the
ordinary.”
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>The woman snorted. “Helping a
total stranger is something out of the ordinary nowadays.”
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“I was just a nuisance and I
have offended you. I apologize, and I don’t want to be thanked for it.” He
turned back to the door.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“So, you’re not going to tell
me your name?” The woman called after him again, her tone stubborn and
demanding.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Heero froze with his hand on
the doorknob, bowing his head slowly. “You can call me Heero.” He said quietly,
opening the door. “Good night.” He added warily and quickly slipped out of the
apartment.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>The woman continued standing
at the kitchen doorway, gazing unseeingly at the direction of the door. There
was a sad and disappointed look on her face as she slowly closed her eyes and
turned back to the kitchen.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>* *yes\"> *
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>New Year’s Eve of A.C 198 was
even colder than the rest of the winter days. Rain was pouring hard over the
city, washing the buildings and creating rivers instead of roads. Still, the
streets were packed with people walking along the main entertainment districts
of town. Neon signs glowed with a colorful aura, the streetlights surrounded by
a glowing sphere of light created by the falling rain. Fog was crawling along
the pavements, rolling down the streets like it was a living thing in itself.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>The weather might have been
gloomy, but the people’s joy was overwhelmingly great and the city radiated the
public’s happiness. Sounds of cheers and music filled the damp streets. Cars
passed by, splashing about as the sound of their horn played some silly melody.
Once in a while a large van with huge speakers on its rooftop drove by, a few
crazy teenagers standing on the roof or out its windows, dancing and calling out
loudly. Even the security guards at the entrance of the clubs had to smile at
the sight. These were the same ‘teens’ who fought bloody battles a year ago.
There was more to celebrate besides the New Year. It was a celebration for
peace, and the signs decorating the streets did not forget to remind people of
that fact.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Wearing his shabby brown
jacket and a pair of jeans that were already soaked with water, Heero walked
down the streets. His hands were shoved into his pockets and his head was bowed
as he kept watching the sidewalk. His wet bangs swung lazily back and forth,
some plastered to his face. He passed by a gigantic sign that colorfully
announced- ‘One year of peace and still counting!’. A large digital clock
accompanied the words, the bright red digits counting the minutes of peace.
There was also a flattering picture of the ultimate representative of peace-
Ms. Relena (Peacecraft) Darlian. Heero shivered and just kept walking.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>He walked the streets at
night, without any real direction. He passed slowly by shopping centers,
theaters, parks and other entertainment areas, but didn’t take the time to stop
and have more than a glance. He was cold and shivering, his mood gloomier than
ever. He had just greeted the new year in some shady bar, making a half-hearted
toast for peace along with a drunk that sat by his side. After the real party
started and people began to greet the New Year in their own ways, Heero just
slipped out of his seat and left the bar.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>He had no idea why he had
gone out tonight. He rarely did. Only once in a long while he would go and have
a drink somewhere, always alone, always brooding. Tonight was no different. He
sat at the bar all by himself, isolated from the happiness around him. He
sipped his beer slowly and then left when the couples on the dance floor began
showing their affection in light of the New Year. It made him feel even
lonelier.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>With his hands shoved
securely into his pockets, Heero walked down the different boulevards. He kept
his gaze on the movement of his feet, his entire demeanor closed off and
introvert. It was as if he wasn’t part of the world around him, trapped inside
an invisible glass bubble that followed him wherever he went. He saw people
laughing, enjoying themselves, but none of their joy managed to brush onto him.
Even the loud beat of music ascending from the different clubs and buildings
fell on deaf ears. There was no sound or warmth coming into his bubble. What
did manage to break in, he ignored.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>He didn’t feel like going
home yet. His empty and cold apartment was something he was not ready to see
yet. If anything, he should at least try to surround himself with human
company tonight. New Year’s Eve was the worst. The nightmares were even greater
and he did everything in his power to stay away from bed. All he ever did at
home was to sleep. He couldn’t afford to go to sleep right now. He should at
least wait till daybreak. In the daytime, the nightmares were easier to bear.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>So after hours of walking, he
decided to enter one of the nearby theaters. He bought a single ticket and
entered a late-night movie. The theater was rather empty and only a few couples
were making out in the back seats. He ignored them and focused his tired,
blood-shot eyes on the screen. It took him too long to realize that it was only
cheap porn, and when his cheeks were red enough, he left. Disheartened, he
returned to the silent avenues of the large city.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>It was past three in the
morning and the streets were emptier than before. Still the clubs were flooding
the streets with music and various people gathered in groups wherever he
looked. In this part of town, among all the XXX theaters,
questionable entertainment means, he could see many ‘one-night’ couples walking
about. Creatures of the night who aimed to seduce and rob you of your money in
exchange for a few hours of pleasure. font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Once in a while a car would
stop in front of one of those creatures and the bargaining would begin. Some
couples were already making their way to the nearest motel. Heero ignored them
and decided to just call it a night. He made a mistake by even trying to go
out.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Walking with his eyes ‘glued’
to the ground, Heero didn’t even notice it until he bumped into someone.
Sighing, he looked up and mumbled an apology.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“‘s alright.” A female voice
with a heavy Southern accent answered in mild amusement. “Had too much ta
drink, have ya?”
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Frowning, Heero looked up. He
ran his bored blue eyes up and down her skinny figure, examining everything-
from her high-heeled boots, the black-netted10.0pt;font-family:Verdana\'> pantyhose, the short leather skirt, and the white
fur coat that barely reached her slim waist. Her face was painted with a lot of
makeup, making her look like some doll out of a Stephen King horror flick. All
in all, he was not impressed but she didn’t seem to notice for she sent him a
seductive smirk and changed into a more ‘inviting’ pose.
font-family:Verdana\'>“Like what you see?” She droned seductively, batting her
eyelashes.
font-family:Verdana\'>Heero didn’t answer, his eyes suddenly taking note of the
long black hair that cascaded from her head and down to her knees. It was
probably the only thing about her that was somewhat attractive. He turned his
gaze up again, but his mouth remained shut.
font-family:Verdana\e hoe hooker smiled sweetly. “It’s a shame to see a pretty
thing like you walk alone on a night like this... Care for some company?” She
said, taking a few slow and graceful steps towards him. When she saw that he
was not backing away, his eyes fixed somewhere between her ass and he knees,
she smiled and wrapped an arm around his. She leaned to whisper in his ear, “I
can make you feel real good for a really good price.”
font-family:Verdana\'>Heero swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry. He could feel her
press her body to his, hip to hip, side to side. The warmth coming out of her
was almost intoxicating. His mind was already a bit fuzzy from drinking, and
the heat at his side was only making it worse. After all, he was always so
cold...
font-family:Verdana\'>“How... much?” He asked, his voice shaky.
font-family:Verdana\'>The prostitute smirked and leaned her head on his
shoulder. With one arm still wrapped around his own arm, she reached a second
hand to run gentle fingers up and down his thigh. “We can discuss this on the
way.” She whispered in a low and sexy voice, her fingers trailing slowly up and
down, brushing close to his crotch and then again. She smiled as she felt a shiver
run through him, his knees almost giving way. This boy was going to be fun, she
decided and began walking forward. She had to pull him with her the first few
steps, but then he began walking on his She She practically melted against his
body, smearing herself on him as she led him to the nearest motel.
font-family:Verdana\'>*
* *
font-family:Verdana\'>He had no idea what he was doing. This was probably just
one big mistake. He shouldn’t have come here. He shouldn’t have been so easily
convinced. But... but the need for company was too great. The urge to feel, to
live, to be wrapped in warmth, suppressed all logic. He wanted this. He. He...
he did. He wanted this. Didn’t he?
font-family:Verdana\'>Taking a deep, shaky, breath, Heero slowly looked up from
the floor. He took a moment to scan the small room. There was nothing there but
a lumpy old bed, a small window with dusty drapes, a tiny dresser and a bottle
of whisky lying on it. The room was dark, and the only source of light was the
red and green of the motel’s neon sign outside the window. It cast an eerie aura
on everything, reminding Heero of some hellish dream or a twisted reality. The
bed was lighted with red, and the room smelled badly. Like cheap sex and
liquor. Looking down at his hands, he could see that he was painted with green.
His hands were sweaty and suddenly the room was too hot. He didn’t want to be
here.
hooker spoke softly, still facing the door as she shed her fur coat and slipped
out of her boots. She turned around from the door and looked at the young man
standing in the middle of the small room. Despite the fact that he was still
wearing his wet and shabby jacket, she could see how stiff and tense he was.
His expression was somewhat lost and confused. She almost pitied him.
smile and approached him slowly. “Would you like me to turn the light on?” She
asked, just to get things going.
font-family:Verdana\'>The young man was still staring down at his hands as he
silently mumbled, “No...”
font-family:Verdana\'>The woman nodded. “All right.” She said and stood before
him. She reached a white and slender hand to his chin and carefully raised his
head up to look at her. She pinned him with her sharp gaze, taking a moment to
assess what she was dealing with. She smiled sweetly when she realized that his
boy was younger than her. Just a lost and confused little boy.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>She scanned his thin figure
up and down, focusing briefly on his groin before looking up into his nervous
eyes. “First time, huh?” She concluded with a smirk, which made Heero even more
uncomfortable. Without even noticing, he took a small step back.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“N-no. It’s... not.” He
mumbled, his nervous blue eyes shifting restlessly from one spot to another, as
if sensing danger. He was feeling like the room was closing in on him, the
walls and the ceiling crushing him down. He wanted to get out of there, to flee
into safety, but he refused to move. He will not give up so easily. He reminded
himself that he was the one in control of the situation, not the other
way around. He was the one to choose this. He was the more powerful one, the
dominant one. Not the other way around. He was in control. No harm would come
to him this time. He was in full. Control.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Then why did his legs feel
weak? Why was he trembling under his jacket? Why was every nerve in his body
screaming at him to flee? What was wrong? He wanted this. He did. He needed
this, desired it. He wanted to drown himself in something intoxicating and
wild. Something that will give him warmth, envelope him with pleasure. The
company of a fellow human being... such close intimacy... he longed for it. He
wanted it. He was going to control it! Not the other way around!
font-family:Verdana\'>“Have you ever been with a woman then?” The hooker asked
again, her voice sweeter and less accusing than before.
font-family:Verdana\'>The boy did not answer. He did lower his gaze though, and
that was enough of an answer. She sighed quietly; her hands beginning to slowly
travel over her own body. She began performing a little striptease for him,
moving her body in a slowly and seductive dance. It took the young man a while
to notice, and when he finally raised his head up he was transfixed. The
prostitute smirked and began stripping and teasing him more boldly. Soon enough
she was standing only in her lacework panties, looking at him with a lustful
gaze.
font-family:Verdana\'>Heero swallowed and fidgeted in his spot. He wanted this.
He did. He... he did.
font-family:Verdana\'>She was annoyed by his impassiveness, but she was too much
of an expert to let it show. Instead, she took his sweaty hand in hers, and
gently guided it towards her body. She spread his palm and let it lie on her
breasts. She flinched at how cold he was and her skin covered with Goosebumps.
She could feel his nervous eyes on her, watching his hand on her skin like it
was a dream of some sort.
font-family:Verdana\'>“It’s your turn.” She whispered, leaning forward and
reaching her hands to his jacket. She slowly peeled it off him, letting it
slide down his shoulders and to the floor. He barely responded when she slipped
her experienced hands under his shirt. She smirked happily when her fingers
encountered his muscled flesh. If nothing else, at least this boy had the
proper body.
font-family:Verdana\'>Heero closed his eyes tight, trying to resist the urge to
yank the hooker’s hands off of him. He bit his lower lip when she began teasing
his nipples, his heart beating faster, not with lust but with fear. The mantra
began again, swirling in his head. He had chosen this; he was in control of
this. He was the dominant one. The stronger one. The one who’s in control.
font-family:Verdana\'>However, no matter how many times he repeated the mantra
in his head, he still couldn’t relax enough and let himself enjoy this. His
body did not respond to her teasing. The fear was too great, the painful past
overwhelming him.
font-family:Verdana\'>When she finally shoved her hands down his pants, Heero
flinched and pulled back.
font-family:Verdana\'>Annoyed, the hooker rolled her eyes and sighed. “What is
the matter with you?!” She demanded in her heavy accent.
font-family:Verdana\'>“I’m... I’m sorry.” He mumbled, his cheeks burning with
shame. He couldn’t even get himself up for her. His heart was beating too fast.
It hurt. “I’m... It’s just... it’s... it’s h-hard for me t-to...” He stammered,
blushing furiously and keeping his gaze on the floor. He wanted to get out of
there so badly!
font-family:Verdana\'>“Oh.” She let out, and then suddenly smirked. “I see...”
She continued, her voice taking a seductive tone again. “It’s nothing I can’t
help you with...” She assured him, taking a few steps forward and closing the
distance between them. In a second, her hand was gripping his balls tightly,
rubbing them through the fabric of his pants.
font-family:Verdana\'>Heero jumped up and yelped, his breath caught in his
throat. He sagged against her as she began massaging him with her long fingers.
His breath was coming in short and irregular gasps, a few choked whimpers
tearing out of his throat. He closed his eyes tighlty, tears lingering to his
long eyelashes. A warm feeling spread through him and caressed his every nerve.
It felt so good... His body
responded quickly, his erection growing and pulsing in his pants. The movement
of her fingers became bolder, stronger and demanding. She reached for his
hardening sex and gave it a good squeeze.
font-family:Verdana\'>Heero gasped and his body tensed as if he was hit by
lightning.
font-family:Verdana\'>“N-no...” the word slipped out of his lips before he even
thought of protesting. He was losing his control. He was not in control at all!
It was just like... just like all those other times...
font-family:Verdana\'>The feeling of unease grew with each of her strokes and
the pleasure was quickly fading. The hand down his pants was making him very
uncomfortable. He pulled away from her, panting.
font-family:Verdana\'>“...stop.” He asked, taking a few steps back, his whole
body trembling with the aftermath of their actions. He was still hard, but his
erection was slowly dying.
font-family:Verdana\'>Anger flashed on the hooker’s face. She eyed him in
annoyance. “Fine.” She spat, throwing herself down on the bed and flipping her
long hair back. “What’s the matter boy, girls don’t do it fer ya?” She teased,
her voice dripping with sarcasm. “font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Maybe all you really need is
a good fuck in the ass. I know someone who can help you.” She smiled teasingly,
mockingly, looking at him with a pair of disdainful eyes.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Fucked? Oh, he’s already been
fucked well enough. Fucked up by life, fucked by J, by drunken OZ soldiers...
he had enough of being fucked. He just wanted... he just wanted someone to hold
him... Someone to chase the cold away. To make the loneliness disappear.
<\'>font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“Can’t we just... just...
talk?” He mumbled uncertainly, looking up at her with shimmering blue eyes.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“Talk?” She let out,
surprised. “You just want to talk?”
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Heero nodded.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>The hooker sighed. “Fine.”
She muttered, rolling her eyes. “It’s your money.” She tapped on the bed,
gesturing him to come and sit by her side.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>His legs were still trembling
as he walked over to the bed and carefully sat down beside her. He moved away
from her, so that their bodies won’t touch. His body was stiff and rigid. He
was nervous and uncomfortable. For a long while he just sat there with his
hands on his knees and his gaze at the floor. His eyes glazed over as he just
kept staring at the tip of his shoes, thinking about nothing. Somewhere in the
back of his mind his own screams echoed from within a dark OZ prison cell, his
voice, hoarse and pitiful, begging someone to stop.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“Stop! Stop it! Please!
Please stop...”
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Heero shivered and closed his
eyes. The screams slowly faded.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“Maybe you should go.” The
woman suggested with an impatient voice. She sighed and leaned back on the bed,
pushing her long hair back. “You’re just wasting yer doe and I got more
cooperative customers waiting for me on the streets.”
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Heero sighed heavily, slowly
opening his eyes. Without a word, he got up, pushing his body off the bed with
great effort. He didn’t look back at her as he walked to the door, stopping
just to pick his jacket from the floor. It was still wet and he felt so
terribly cold as he slipped into it. Mumbling a small “thank you”, he walked
out of the room, leaving a fifty-dollar bill behind him.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>*yes\"> *yes\"> *
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>It was
past five
building. Dawn was breaking outside the dark lobby, washing the wet streets
with a faint white glohe ehe elevator was malfunctioning again, so he had to
take the stairs. When he finally arrived to his apartment, exhausted in every
way possible, Heero collapsed on his sofa/bed and slipped into a dark oblivion.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>He awakened ten hours later
by the feeling of hunger. His stomach growled furiously, and it felt like the
sound of it was echoing inside the famished organ. The feeling of nausea and
emptiness reminded him that he hadn’t eaten in nearly three days. He moaned in
displeasure, not ready to wake up yet. This new year had nothing to offer him;
he just wanted to stay in bed forever. He nestled himself deeper into the warm
covers, pulling the blanket over his head to hide from the light coming from
the window.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>His stomach growled again,
almost painfully. He was so terribly hungry. Opening one eye, Heero peeked
ahead from behind messy bangs. He pulled the blanket down a bit so he will have
a good view of the kitchen. The refrigerator was standing there silently,
heavy, bulky and indifferent to anything around it. His whole apartment looked
like it didn’t care for him at all. Sometimes he felt like it didn’t want him
there. Even inanimate
objects disliked him.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>The heck with them, Heero
decided and hurried to hide under the blanket again. It’s not like the stupid
fridge had anything to offer him. It’s probably empty anyway. He tried to
ignore the throbbing pain in his empty stomach and go back to sleep. After
about half an hour he found that sleep had deserted him and there was no
gaining it back. Sighing, he sat up and slowly got out of bed. Picking up a
discarded towel from the floor, Heero flippedoverover his shoulder and headed
to the bathroom. His blue eyes gleamed with bitterness and sarcasm.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>So this is AC 198...
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>*yes\">&nbnbspnbsp; *yes\"> *
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>He allowed himself a long
shower and then quickly slipped into the cleanest looking clothes he had lying
around. He rummaged through every pocket he had for a few ragged bills until he
had enough to buy himself something small to eat. Running a hahrouhrough his
unruly, uncombed, hair, he stepped out of the apartment and headed down the
stairs.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>When he made his way down,
walking across one of the floors bellow his, he was surprised to see that
woman, his blind neighbor, crouching on the floor in front of her apartment
door. His eyes were drawn to her long brown hair, which fell smoothly over her
back, glowing under the dim light washing the hallway. By the way she was
feeling around with her hands he could tell that she was searching for
something.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>He stopped for a moment, standing
by the stairs. He could easily continue his journey down and ignore her, but
for some reason he felt that he shouldn’t. She might not be the nicest of
people one could offer help to, but he couldn’t just leave her. Sighing to
himself, Heero marched towards her, his footsteps silent against the cheap
carpet that decorated the hallway. Despite his silent approach, the woman
turned to ‘look’ up at him when he was about to reach her.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“Who is it?” She asked, her
voice distrustful. There was a scowl on her face as she moved her head slightly
from side to side, as if searching for someone.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“It’s me again. Heero.” He
answered, his voice coming out callous and numb, even to his own ears. “I
helped you a few days ago.”
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“Yeah, I remember.” She
muttered, lowering her head again as if looking at the floor. She sighed in
annoyance. “Will it be too much to ask for your assistance once again?”
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Heero shook his head, and
there was a brief silence until he realized that he should offer a verbal
reply. “Not at all, ma’am.”
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“Nora.” The woman mumbled,
head still bowed. She was still kneeling on the floor, so her voice came out a
bit muffled.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“Pardon?” Heero asked
innocently, kneeling down by her side.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>The woman sighed in
annoyance. “My name is Nora, so stop calling me ‘ma’am’ all the time. It makes
me feel so damn old!”
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“I’m sorry.” Heero apologized
earnestly. “I didn’t know your name.”
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“Well, obviously!” She
growled, waving her hands in the air. Heero couldn’t help but feel like he was
just bothering her again, instead of helping as he intended to do.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“I lost my key.” Nora
suddenly said, her voice silent as if she was actually ashamed of asking for
his help. “I’ve searched for what feels like hours, but I can’t seem to find
it.” She explained with a heavy sigh, her hands feeling around as if to prove
her point.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Heero nodded in
understanding, his eyes already scanning the scene in search for the lost key.
It didn’t take him long to spot it lying inside a small crack between the
wooden floor and the wall, partly tucked beneath the carpet. It was rather hard
to find by feeling around, and the only reason he had spotted it was because
the tip of the metal key caught some of the light pouring from the hallway
window and sort of “twinkled” at him. He reached two slender fingers to carefully
retrieve the fallen key. He handed it to the woman.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“Here you go.” He said,
nudging the key close to her hand until it poked her a little. She quickly
turned her palm around and took it from him.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“Thank you.” She mumbled,
getting up. Heero followed suit, standing in front of her while trying to think
of a way to say goodbye. He was stunned to see her smile at him all of a
sudden. It was a small and bitter smile, but a smile nonetheless.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“You saved me again.” She
stated in mild amusement, her blind blue eyes looking at his general direction.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“It was nothing.” He assured
her. The silence returned and the atmosphere seemed heavy all of a sudden. His
stomach was still demanding to be fed, calling out angrily for his attention.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“Are you hungry?” Nora
suddenly asked, and Heero’s cheeks reddened a little. Was it possible that she
had heard him?
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“Uh, I was just on my way to
the store.” He mumbled in a useless attempt to sound less embarrassed than he
was.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>The woman nodded slowly,
looking thoughtful all of a sudden. The silence returned between them, until
Heero decided that it was time to leave. He was just taking a first step
backwards, when Nora spoke again.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“Heero,” she began rather
silently, just gaining his attention.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“Yes?” He asked, turning back
to face her. He didn’t know why, but all of a sudden a small
him. He hated hope. It only made the pain worse when it was crushed along with
all other feelings he had managed to salvage.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“Well, it might sound a bit
strange, but...” She continued sheepishly, shifting her weight from side to
side. She flipped her long hair back in a nervous gesture.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“What is it?” He urged her,
his stomach growling again as a wave of dizziness and nausea coursing through
him. He should really get some food into his system.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“Well, you see, I’ve prepared
an osechi last night, and I seem to have made too much, so...”
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“Osechi?” Heero cut in,
raising an eyebrow.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>A sheepish smile appeared on
her lips. She nodded. “Yes. It’s Japanese. It’s a customary meal for the New
Year.”
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Now he was frowning, quite
confused. “Japanese? H-how did you know I was Japanese?”
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Nora seemed stunned, her
expression confused. In less than a second, she was smiling again and shrugging
casually. “Ah well, I mean, I heard it. In, in your voice. You have a slight
accent.” She let out in a rush of words, turning her head aside for a moment.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“I do?” He wonered out loud.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“Don’t worry, it’s hardly
noticeable.” She hurried to assure him, only now turning back to face him.
“It’s just that I have a very acute sense of hearing. And, uh, your name, of
course!”
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“Oh.” He let out, still
confused. The silence returned for a few moments more, until Nora spoke again.
She took a step towards him, raising her eyes to his general direction.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“So... would you... would you
like to join me?”
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>There was something almost
desperate in her voice. A sort of a lonely plea he knew all too well. He could
easily sympathize with it for it was the same pain running through his own veins.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“Um He He stammered, still
thinking if he should. He didn’t know what to make of this invitation. One
minute this woman was bitter and distrustful and a moment later she invites him
in for a meal? And a Japanese meal nonetheless! What was going on here?
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“It’s just a token of
gratitude.” The woman assured him, her voice slightly shaking for some reason.
“I’m sure you don’t want to spend the first day of the New Year with a grumpy
old lady, but...” Her voice trailed off and she sighed. He could see her
shoulders slump and she slowly turned to the door. “Oh well, it was just a
thought...” She mumbled, trying to get the key into the lock.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Taking a deep breath, Heero
allowed himself a small smile – it’s not like anyone could see it - and nodded
his head. “Sure,” he said, walking to the door as well. “‘I’d love to.”
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Nora nodded in
acknowledgment, hiding her own smile for she had heard the smile in Heero’s
voice. His tone was lighter when he smiled. She decided that it suited him
better to smile, and quickly opened the door for him.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“Please, come in.”
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>*yes\"> *
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>He fidgeted uncomfortably in
his seat as he watched Nora wander around the kitchen while warming up the
small meal. He felt nervous for some reason, out of place. He was silent as he
watched her arrange the table, feeling like he should help her out but not
having the nerve to offer. He was afraid to disgrace her. The only sound in the
kitchen was the clacking of the silverware against the table as Nora carefully
lay it down. Heero wondered if he should say anything, but nothing came up. The
atmosphere was heavy for some reason. He wished badly that it wasn’t so.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Looking down at the knife and
fork lying in front of him, he finally thought about something to say. He
looked up in her direction where she was standing by the stove and making some
tea.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“Isn’t it customary to eat it
with chopsticks?” He asked, his voice coming off as too loud in the silent
kitchen. He swore that he could see her flinch, like she was unused to hear
someone else’s voice.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>She chuckled bitterly,
picking up a kettle and carefully pouring water into a couple of mugs. “Have
you ever tried eating anything with chopsticks while blindfolded?”
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Realizing his foolish
mistake, Heero bowed his head and berated himself for his foolishness. “I’m
sorry.” He mumbled, deciding it will be better to keep his mouth shut for he
obviously had nothing useful to say.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“It’s all right.” She assured
him, walking over to the small kitchen table with two steaming mugs in her
hands. “I sometimes forget I’m blind as well. I keep expecting to see the light
when I wake up each morning.”
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Heero swallowed, debating
whether or not to ask the obvious question. His curiosity and the need to break
the silence won over his sheepishness. “Were you...”
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“Always blind?” Nora
interjected, her voice lighter than he expected it to be. “No.” She let out
with a sigh, shaking her head. “Not always.”
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Heero nodded and bowed his
head again. Nora served the meal to the table. For a long while they ate in
silence. Heero was picking at his food at first, until his hunger grew by
tenfold after a few small bites and he quickly devoured his meal. He could have
sworn he heard her chuckle silently, so he began eating more slowly, trying to
be as polite as his hunger allowed him.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“So...” Nora began, brushing
a few chunks of long hair out of her eyes and over her shoulders. “How old are
you, Heero?”
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Heero looked up, his features
stunned for a moment, frozen in mid-bite. He hurried to swallow and since he
didn’t respond verbally, the woman continued.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“Wait, let me guess.” she
said, “You sound young... but you’re not a teenager, right?” Heero looked up,
surprised, but still provided no answer. The woman continued. “No offence, but
it’s just that you sound too mature to be an adolescent. I’d say you’re
about... twenty?”
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Heero cast his gaze down and
reached for his tea. “Close.” He whispered, taking a small sip. “I’m going to
be eighteen this year.”
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“Oh.” She let out, frowning.
“And you live alone?”
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“Yes.” He replied in a quiet,
solemn voice. He wrapped his palm around the warm mug, trying to force some
heat into his body. Staring at his drink, he took a shaky breath and spoke. “I
live two floors above yours.”
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>The woman nodded in
understanding. “I see.” She whispered, bowing her head and staring at her drink
with unseeing eyes. The silence carried on. Both of the table’s occupants just
sat with their shoulders slumped and their heads bowed. There wasn’t even a
clock to tick and break the silence. It was as if each of them was alone,
surrounded by soundproof walls. They continued eating is silence. When Heero
finished his meal, still hungry but not saying anything about it, he returned
to slowly drinking his tea while trying to think of something else to say. This
was the first real conversation he had in almost a year. The few words
that passed between them awakened his need for conversation even more. He
suddenly realized that he was unused to the sound of his own voice.
quickly stopped himself. Nora turned her blind gaze at him and he swallowed
nervously. “M-may I ask why you’ve prepared a Japanese meal? I, I don’t know
much about the New Year, but is it... is it a normal thing to do?”
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>The woman sighed, sipping her
tea before answering. “It’s a tradition, I guess. Old habits die hard.”
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Heero frowned. “I’m sorry. I
don’t understand.”
a smile. “Never mind. Did you like it?”
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>He nodded, and then after a
while: “Uh, yes. Ari-uh-thank you.” Why was he stammering like an idiot?! What
a way to impress a person! Then again, why did he have to impress anyone? Nora
didn’t seem to mind. In fact, her smile only grew.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“I’m glad. Would you like
some more? For some absurd reason I made enough for three people at least...”
She didn’t even wait for an answer and already got up, taking his plate with
her. The silence returned when they both continued to eat, but for some reason,
it was a much more pleasant silence. Half an hour later, Heero wasn’t so
embarrassed about asking for more. Nora complied with a small smile, the
bitterness in her voice also fading as she coaxed a nice and quiet conversation
out of him.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>*yes\"> * *
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Weeks coated with silence
crawled by after his brief staying at Nora’s. Days spent with bitterness and
cold slowly passed by him, engulfing him with more numbing loneliness. His
apartment seemed chillier after he had spent a few hours with some company. The
little time he had spent with Nora awakened something in him, something that
the cold and loneliness had managed to numb to the point of none-existence. His
need for socializing, for being near someone, for hearing someone laugh. The
frozen need was brushed with a bit of warmth, melting the ice that gathered at
the edges. His loneliness only grew after being eased for a short, brief,
while.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Seeking more of this warmth
that had eased the chill in his heart, Heero headed out to the streets. Instead
of going straight to bed after work, he showered, changed out of his uniforms
and went out. He walked into the first pub he stumbled upon, making his way straight
to the bar. He quickly shrugged off his battered brown jacket, remaining in a
white dress shirt that clung to his muscled torso a pai pair of black slacks
that hugged his lower body perfectly. It was probably the only thing he owned
that wasn’t a ragged pair of jeans or a T-shirt. He wasn’t even sure why he
owned this particular attire, or when he had bought it, but he really didn’t
care.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>His hair was damp from the
rain, some wild bangs clinging to his forehead. He brushed them aside and
gestured to the bartender. Ordering himself a drink, he leaned on the counter
and just... waited. He wasn’t completely sure why he was doing this to himself.
The words the hooker had spat his way a few weeks ago still echoed in his head.
font-family:Verdana\'>‘What’s the matter, boy, girls don’t do it fer ya?’
font-family:Verdana\'>Heero closed his eyes and took a long sip from his drink.
font-family:Verdana\'>‘Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Maybe all you really need is a good fuck
in the ass.’
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Maybe. Maybe not. He didn’t
know. He just knew that he wanted someone to be with him. Be it male or female,
he just wanted to be... he just wanted to be held. Was it too much to ask for?
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Sighing, he finished his
drink with a long gulp and quickly asked for more.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“Got anything stronger?” He
asked the bartender, who was eyeing him suspiciously. The boy seemed too young,
though it was a little hard to tell. His features were too harsh and his eyes
too hard to be young, but his pretty face was as boyish as can be. The sign
above the bar declared that underage drinking was not allowed. The bartender
ran his eyes over the boy once again.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“Got some I.D?” He asked
roughly and Heero let out a bitter chuckle. He wasn’t drunk yet, barely even
tipsy, but he was lightheaded enough tort/ort/giggle at the question. The only
“I.D” he could claim to have is a silly nametag on his ridicules uniforms at a
miserable old diner. And even the name written on that tag was not his real
name. So, when it came down to it, he simply didn’t have an identity, so how
could he POSSIBLY be carrying any I.D?! It was ludicrous!
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Chuckling bitterly, Heero
thrust his bangs out of his eyes and raised his head to look up at the
bartender. “Just give me more, all right?” He muttered, throwing a
twenty-dollar bill at the counter. “And keep them coming.”
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Shrugging, the bartender
hurried to comply.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>It was only after three more
glasses of strong
liquor that Heero began noticing that people were staring at him. He could feel
the burning acid feeling of someone’s eyes on his back, and a few other glances
from both left and right. Suddenly feeling very self-conscious, Heero wiggled a
little in his seat and brushed his bangs back carefully. He lifted his drink
slowly; his head bowed as he drank though his eyes were looking aside, scanning
the room. He could see three young women at one corner of the bar, sending
glances his way and then speaking among themselves. Looking the other way, he
spotted two other girls who were looking at him and then arguing about
something. He gulped his drink quickly and then slammed it on the counter.
font-family:Verdana\'>“Refill.” He slurred, thrusting his head aside in order to
push his bangs out of his eyes. The world swirled around him a little, and the
little sexy gesture did not go unnoticed by his surrounding.
font-family:Verdana\'>Soon enough, the first female approached him. She eyed him
like a piece of meat and then began making some sort of a useless conversation.
He hated the way she kept looking down at his crotch or his ass instead of
looking him in the eye. He kept mostly quiet when she spoke to him, only
answering her with short and curt replies. She lost interest pretty quickly and
left. He was still debating whether he’d pushed her away on purpose or was it
simply because his poor people skills, when another one approached him.
font-family:Verdana\'>She was rather sweet, and a bit uncertain, but she kept
invading his personal space. She made him uncomfortable and even when he tried
to speak with her, he couldn’t find what to say. He found himself lost and
confused, just staring at her while she waited for him to speak. This girl also
backed away fairly quickly, and he just scowled at himself and ordered another
drink.
font-family:Verdana\'>The third left when she found out that he was three years
younger than her and the forth left when he growled at her angrily. The fifth
was confident, so he simply ignored her and by the time the sixth approached
him Heero was ready to bolt and leave. None of them sparked even the tiniest
bit of interest in him. Some were very attractive, he supposed, but none made
him feel like it was worth it. Maybe he was wrong by coming here. He should
just finish his drink and leave. He was a fool for even trying.
font-family:Verdana\'>When he finished his last drink for the night, Heero
swerved slightly from side to side in an attempt to get up. He was seeing
everything in fuzzy slow motion, everything a blur before it stabled and stood
still. He chuckled shortly at his own expense, trying to get off his stool
without falling.
font-family:Verdana\'>“Leaving so soon?” A voice interrupted his efforts to
stand straight, and he blinked drunkenly, looking up with a pair of glazed blue
eyes.
font-family:Verdana\'>“Huh?” He let out, his voice sluggish. He looked up, his
vision coming in and out of focus, but he did manage to catch a blurry look at
the large figure blocking his way. The figure was tall and broad, dressed in
stylish black clothing, though it just looked like a big black blob to Heero. A
blob that was making it quite difficult for him to leave!
font-family:Verdana\'>“Outoftheway...” He managed to somehow mumble, pushing the
bulky figure aside in a half hearted, drunken, attempt. His strength was not in
any way close to have any real affect on the steady figure, and Heero frowned
in displeasure. He turned his head up to look at the figure’s face, trying to
look angry despite the fact that he was too dizzy to focus his eyes on
anything.
font-family:Verdana\'>“Move.” He ordered, his voice steadier than before, more
urgent. He felt like there was fire flowing through his veins. He really needed
to take a piss.
font-family:Verdana\'>The figure chuckled in amusement and the part of Heero’s
mind that wasn’t too drunk, supplied him with the information that it
was a man’s voice.
font-family:Verdana\'>“I’m sorry.” The man said, his voice smooth and confident.
“I was just a little disappointed that you decided to leave so soon.” He
explained, laying a hand on Heero’s shoulder. The boy tensed under the warm
touch, but still he let the heavy palm gently push him back to his seat. He slumped
down on the stool, nearly falling. The man quickly caught him and helped him
straighten up, laughing pleasantly at Heero’s baffled look. He had a nice
voice, Heero decided. It was warm and bittersweet. Like honey. He smiled and
looked up at the man.
font-family:Verdana\'>“I ran out of money.” He said, his voice a bit slurred but
more or less coherent. He leaned one elbow on the bar and rested his head on is
heavily. He looked up at the man, batting his eyelashes lazily. “Care to buy me
some more?”
font-family:Verdana\'>The man chuckled again and took a seat next to the boy. “I
think you had enough to drink for one night.” He said, his eyes – their color
was dark but Heero was too drunk to decide their exact shade – looking down at
him warmly.
font-family:Verdana\'>“Oh?” Heero replied with a smirk, straightening in his seat.
“So you’ve been watching me?”
font-family:Verdana\'>The man smiled in amusement, his eyes watching the boy
intently. “You’re hard to miss. And I’ve noticed that a pretty angel like
yourself has no problem attracting any of the female kind, but I get the
feeling that it isn’t exactly what you want.” He finished by placing his large,
warm, hand on Heero’s thigh, looking deeply into the boy’s eyes as he leaned
closer to whisper in his ear. “Am I right?”
font-family:Verdana\'>Heero shivered at the small touch of air in his ear. He
could feel the heat emitting from the man - he was so close... – and it
intoxicated him even further.
font-family:Verdana\'>“They didn’t make me feel warm.” He found himself saying;
unaware that he was barely making any sense. The hand on his thigh was slowly
caressing him. His body was immediately flooded with heat. He jumped up in his
seat as the man’s hand brushed close to his groin. The man was whispering in
his ear again.
font-family:Verdana\'>“And does this make you feel any...” He used one finger to
trace Heero’s hardening arousal. “Warmer?”
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>The heat grew like a burst of
flames. He was practically melting in his chair, purring against the man’s
touch.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>The man smirked and leaned
closer to gently nip at his ear. Heero let out a quiet whimper.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“Your place or mine?” The man
whispered in a low and sexy voice, making Heero shiver.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>He swallowed despite the fact
that his mouth was dry and shakily whispered back: “...which one is closer..?”
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>*yes\"> * *
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>The minute they walked into
Heero’s apartment the man had Heero pinned against the door and kissing him
passionately. Heero melted under his kiss, sagging against the door when his
legs gave. Th. The man’s hands were everywhere on him, sliding under his shirt
and caressing every part of him. He had such big, warm, callous hands... He had
Heero moaning and squirming under him, the boy’s body quivering with need and
pleasure. The man’s leg slowly nudged its way between Heero’s thighs, carefully
parting them and sliding perfectly between his legs. Heero moaned loudly into
the man’s mouth, letting the man’s tongue caress every part of his mouth as
they kissed. He began grounding himself against the man’s thigh, rubbing his
growing arousal against the rough fabric of the man’s pants. His hands were
also coming to life, the desire coursing through his body guiding them up the man’s
body, and down again. He ran his trembling hands – the kiss was so intense it
had him shaking – over the man’s broad torso, gliding under his buttoned shirt
and feeling his flesh.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>When they parted for air,
both out of breath and panting, the man was still leaning heavily over Heero’s
smaller body, looking down at him with lustful eyes.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“Is this your first time?” He
asked, panting. He bent down to nibble the boy’s ear.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>His legs shaking, his heart
pounding and every part of him becoming warm goo, Heero leaned his head against
the man’s shoulder. He closed his eyes and took a shaky breath, a shiver
running through him.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“No...” He whispered sadly,
opening a pair of forlorn blue eyes and gazing ahead. The man’s tongue licked
his ear and he let out a small whimper, nearly collapsing to the floor.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“It... it’s not...” He
continued quietly, shamefully, the dark images of his past and the pleasurable
ministrations of the present making his head whirl. “T-there were... there were
others... before...” He tried to explain, thrusting his head back and crying
out as the man began sucking and licking his neck.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“Good.” The man whispered
against his slick neck, blowing air over the wet saliva that coated the boy’s
throat. “I’d like this to be special for you...” He breathed into the boy’s
neck, licking a wet trail from his shoulder to his ear.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“M-me too... “ Heero
stuttered, his body shivering as an acid fire of lust coursed through his veins
and burned him from within. He gave up on attempting to explain his shameful
past. He couldn’t bring himself to say it. He just hoped that this man would
not prove to be like his previous experiences, which were painful beyond
belief. As a matter of fact, he found that he didn’t really care how much it
would hurt. He needed to feel, and he needed this kind of an intense and brutal
experience to awaken some feeling in him.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>With that resolve Heero
wrapped his arms around the larger man and pushed himself up to his tiptoes to
meet the man in another mind-blowing kiss. His body was burning, he felt like
it was too hot to breathe. And he loved every minute of it.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>A few minutes later found
Heero lying on his sofa/bed, his legs thrown up in a 90-degree angle as the man
slammed himself into him. His cock jerked up and down as the man drove into him
violently, slamming him into the back of the sofa. The bed rocked from side to
side, nearly tipping over from the force of their movements. The man grabbed
his hips forcefully and drove even deeper into him. Heero’s back curled so that
his kneecaps were nearly colliding with his chest, moving back and forth in
rhythm of the man’s thrusts. His ass rose high in the air, granting the man deep
access into his body. He could almost lick his own cock as his hips were pushed
closer and closer towards his chest. This had him moaning even louder, the
sight so terribly arousing. He moaned and groaned like a whore, enjoying
himself beyond belief. The experience was SO intense that Heero found himself
whimpering with plea.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>His erectiounceunced up and
down as the man continued ramming him into the sofa, the man’s big hands
traveling all over his body. Heero cried out loudly as he reached down and
grabbed his painfully hard erection. He began pumping it in time with the man’s
thrusts, groaning in pleasure as he squeezed his shaft hard and painful. He
enjoyed the forceful treatment. Enjoyed hearing the man’s grunts and panting as
he drove deeper and deeper into him. His prostate was hit every single time,
causing him to scream in pleasure. He begged for more. He begged it to be
deeper, harder, fiercer. He was enjoying it so much he began crying. Tears
streamed down his cheeks and still he begged for more. The feeling was just too
intense, the pleasure too great. It was just cheap, hard and painful sex; fast
and furious but it had him weeping and moaning at the same time.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>The experience was so
releasing that it only made it more intense for him. He took pleasure from it
despite the obvious fact that it was just a quick, ruthless, fuck. Despite that
there was no love in it. He took all he could get. Years of pent up tension and
frustrations finally found release. He wasn’t surprised that he was crying. He
didn’t even try to stop it. He wanted this release, needed the relief he felt
course through him as he exploded with a scream. He came violently, his body
convulsing on the bed and his hips rising even higher to meet the man’s
thrusts. Hot sperm shot out of his cock and sprayed his face. After the man
climaxed as well, he bent down to lick Heero’s semen of his tearful face. Soon
he began driving into him again. They went at it again and when Heero came a
second time, he actually blacked out.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>*yes\"> * *
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>He awoke a while later, when
the first rays of dawn were breaking outside his window. His eyes still closed,
Heero slid a hand over the sheets, searching for the warmth that was there but
a few moments ago. The sheets were still warm, but the body that had been lying
next to him while he slept was gone. Panicked, Heero snapped his eyes open and
looked up.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>The man was sitting at the
edge of the sofa/bed, just finishing putting his shirt on.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Heero blinked, confused, and
slowly rose up.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“Are you... are you leaving?”
He asked, his voice small and careful.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“Yeah.” The man breathed,
buttoning his shirt. “It’s late and I should get going.”
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“Stay a little longer.” Heero
asked, nudging himself closer to the man and trying to push him back to the
bed. “Lie with me a little.” He whispered, his hand gently holding the man’s
shirt. He wanted to curl beside him a little... just snuggle for a little
while... to feel warm again...
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“Hold me?” He asked, his
voice timid and small. It was barely heard, even in the silence of the room.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>The man sighed, throwing his
legs down to the floor. He bent down to pick his shoes. “Sorry, kid. It’s been
sweet, but I gotta go.” He said casually, putting on one shoe and getting ready
to put the other. “You’re a real doll, but I gotta wife n’ a kid waiting for me
to come home.”
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Heero’s eyes widened and he
quickly pulled back. “I... I... I didn’t think you’d be...”
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“Married?” The man chuckled,
shaking his head as he got up. “You got a lot to learn, kid.” He said, tucking
his shirt into his pants.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“But...” Heero let out,
having nothing to say. His eyes stung a little, stubborn tears insisting on
coming out. They shouldn’t. What did they expect? A ‘happily ever after’ with
this guy? He didn’t even know his name!
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Tired and dejected, Heero
threw himself back onto his pillow. The room was cold again.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>“I don’t know what you were
expecting, kid, but...” the man mumbled with a sigh, reaching a hand into his
pocket. Looking at the place, in its poor and gloomy condition, the man pulled
out something out of his pocket and turned back to face Heero. “It’s not much,
but here.” He said, throwing a fifty-dollar bill onto the bed.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Heero’s face hardened with
anger and he turned to glare at the man. His blue eyes were fierce and blazing
with rage. “I am not a whore!” He spat, kicking the bill away and throwing the
pillow at the man’s face. “Get out!” He growled, the stubborn tears burning his
eyes again. “GET OUT!” he called again, his voice hoarse and nearly hysteric
under the pain and humiliation he was feeling.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>The man shrugged helplessly
and shook his head. “Fine.” He muttered, picking the money off the floor and
shoving it back into his pocket. “See ya.” He said, walking to the door and
taking his jacket on the way. He was out the door in an instant and the tears
held prisoner in Heero’s eyes suddenly spilled without his permission.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>He threw himself at his
pillowless bed, shedding silent tears as he gazed ahead at nothing. He was cold
again. His heat was gone... There was no one to hold him, no one to sooth the
pain in his heart. This experience has proven to be even more excruciating than
his previous ones, because this time... this time he had wanted it... Wanted it
so badly that he didn’t mind that there was no love between them. He thought
that this man would at least... that he would at least hold him afterwards...
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>Feeling foolish and
humiliated, Heero buried himself under the covers anntinntinued to cry. He
cried silently at first, until the sobs broke through the barrier around his
heart. They came out like coughs at first, hoarse and bitter and so full of
restrained pain. They gradually grew stronger and stronger, hesitant in their
approach and then coming out with a violent force.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>He cried brokenly into the
sheets, his pain and heartbreak evident in every sob. There was no one there to
comfort him so he only cried harder and harder. He cried until his throat hurt
and his tears ran dry, but the pain didn’t disappear. He had years of pain and
suffering to cry out, and this one night stand, this cheap sexual experience,
was enough to open the seal in his heart and let him cry. The release was
indescribable, and yet so terribly painful. He held a clutched fist over his
heart, imagining that he could feel it rip to two.
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana\'>When he could cry no more he
simply lay in his bed, feeling drained. Empty. Hollow. His indifferent
apartment ignored him, watching him in an uncaring silence. His world just got
a couple degrees colder, and outside, it began snowing.
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