For Life and Death

TITLE: For Life and Death
AUTHOR: Kichi
PAIRING (if applicable): Bulma and Vegeta
RATING: ch 1- PG-13
WARNINGS:
NOTES:
ARCHIVE: www.geocities.com/kichisama666/index.html
SUMMARY: this is the sequel to \"Oh, Me\" will most likely have NC-17 content
DISCLAIMER: Dragonball Z belongs to Akira Toriyama, BIRD/Shueisha Studios. Toei Animation,
FUNimation, etc. Not me. I make no money off any thing I write or draw so sueing is pointless and
stupid.


Prologue - Something I Can Never Have

She was pregnant again. And almost due. She smelled different, was bitchier than usual, and cried at the drop of a hat. She waddled instead of walked, her belly looked like it had three brats inside instead of one, and she constantly attacked him
verbally for her current state.
And he hated it. It took two to make a brat. Unfortunately. He wanted to do what he\'d done when she told him she was pregnant the first time.

Run.
He wanted to go off to space or a deserted island for nine months. But he knew he couldn\'t do it now. The pathetic reality was, he\'d miss her too much to stay away that long.
How many months had it been since he\'d realized he truly needed her? And now she was about to give birth to their second child together. He knew he wasn\'t going anywhere. So why was it that he couldn\'t claim her properly in Saiyan tradition? Human rituals meant nothing to him. And she\'d never said anything about it. But sometimes he could see a yearning in her eyes that told him she wanted more. And he wanted to do it! He wanted to claim her as his mate. Hell, he wasn\'t even afraid to bond with her, unlikely as it was. She knew more about him than anyone ever had, and she was strong enough to handle the whole truth about him. He knew she was. He really hoped she was.
Was he afraid to let her see it though? He tried to convince himself that he wasn\'t as he lay in bed next to her at four in the morning. He couldn\'t sleep. There were a lot of things in his mind that he really didn\'t want anyone to see. Ever. And the chance of them actually bonding was slim. But there was still a chance. Still a chance for her to see all the horrible things he\'d done. And all the horrible things
that had been done to him.
He shuddered violently. Don\'t think of it! He commanded himself sternly. It was the best way he coped now. He couldn\'t take out his anger on weak humans, so he had to hold it in. He knew that he shouldn\'t, but training usually worked out most of his aggression.
What was holding him back? Did he really think she\'d refuse him? No. It was the whole \"bonding\" issue. He already felt a bond with her. And if they truly mated that bond would be fully formed. Then she would know everything. What would she think of him then? She would hate him. She would be scared and disgusted and worst of all, she might even pity him. He couldn\'t handle that. He didn\'t want her to fear him, ever. He knew he\'d done horrible things and he really didn\'t want her to see it. Even worse, he didn\'t want her to know that he\'d enjoyed it, missed it even sometimes. The old days with Nappa and Radditz. They had killed so many innocent and guilty souls alike. And if she
realized that he\'d never felt remorse for his past actions she would despise him. The only reason he regretted all he\'d done in the past was because he knew how she\'d react to the gruesome truth.
And he\'d willingly let her see every murder he\'d committed if it would keep her
from finding out his darkest secret. He\'d lay every other part of his soul bare to her, even
his weird quirks and silly phobias. He\'d let her see all the random, stupid thoughts that
ran through his head that surprised even himself. The thoughts that made him shake his
head and laugh at his own weirdness, even the sick, scary thoughts. Everything, anything
except that one nasty, traumatizing secret. But with the bond there were no barriers. She
would know everything about him, and he would know everything about her. And he
knew that to claim her would destroy all barriers between them.
And the thought scared him more than anything.
What would he do if she rejected him? What would he do? He couldn\'t imagine
his life without her now. How could he go on each day knowing she hated him? He
didn\'t think he could do it. All his strength would do nothing to save him.
And even if she could look past all the evil he\'d done and still care enough to be
with him, what would he do when she died? Because unless he was killed she would
most certainly die before him. And when one of a bonded pair died, the other usually
followed.
Living like that was too horrible to contemplate. Even if he was strong enough to
survive that, he seriously doubted he\'d want to continue living alone. It almost made him
laugh. Before he\'d come to live with his blue-haired onna he\'d been alone all the time
and never had a real problem with it. But now, now he needed her presence, her affection
and her trust. He needed her.
He sighed, tossing in bed. She would be the death of him. He was certain. But
he couldn\'t even muster slight annoyance toward her for it. All anger was focused on
himself. He should have known this would happen and acted accordingly long ago. Now
he couldn\'t do anything. He couldn\'t even think of leaving her. He couldn\'t do anything
to hurt her. Seeing her cry made him feel guilty, even if he hadn\'t been the cause of her
tears. It was crazy.
And what was even more insane, he felt this way without a complete bond. How
would he feel with one, fully formed and intact? He was over protective of her now, with
a bond it would be ten times worse. And he would have to make an effort not to upset
her, because he would feel her sadness as if it was his own!
He\'d lied to himself. He was afraid. Terrified. He wanted to claim her, but he
knew he couldn\'t accept her rejection.
He sat up, angrily tugging his short, spiky locks. Maybe training would help.