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But At What Cost?	By : Seraphyn Category: Gundam Wing/AC > General Views: 854 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing/AC, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-But At What Cost?
- 1
clasclass=MsoBodyTextIndent>Disclaimer:
Gundam Wing doesn�t belong to me. I just get to take them out of the
closet, dress them up, and play with them for a little while. ^.^

Summary: Duo finally becomes what Heero desires.
But at what cost? Will Heero lose something he never knew he had forever?

Notes: A little angst, a little sap with male x
male situations, and attempted suicide. I don�t condone this action, people! No
matter how dark and desperate things may appear, there�s always a ray of hope
and help is always around, in any and all forms.

Pairings: 1x2

But At What Cost?

By: Lady Silverwings

�Hee-chan! Let�s go see a movie!�

Heero grunted as Duo�s body
collided with his. He scowled darkly at Duo�s glomp, his eyes scanning the
crowd outside the theatre.

�Baka,� he growled, jerking away
from Duo. �Don�t touch me.� He spun away, missing the confused and hurt look
flickering on Duo�s face.

Two hours later, Duo chatted
nonstop about the action movie to a deaf Heero. When he made the move to hold
his hand, Heero pulled away sharply, glaring at him. Duo bit his lip and
scurried after him. Ever since the end of war, Duo had been trying to get his
lover to open up. That�s right. Lover. Boyfriend. Significant other. But right
now, Heero was making Duo feel significantly hurt at his callousness. The ride
home was quiet and tension filled. Finding himself suddenly worn out, Duo
trudged to their room. What may surprise a few people was the fact there were
two beds on opposite ends of the room. They were living together as a couple.
You would think that there would just be one big bed.

But no. Under no circumstance
would Heero allow Duo to move in with him unless a second bed was brought. Duo
also had to supply his own dresser and had to section off a part of the closet
for his clothes. There were his things and Heero�s. No blending, no mixing.
Sometimes, Duo felt as if he was Heero�s roommate and not boyfriend.

Lost in his thoughts, Duo failed to
notice Heero�s presence.

�Baka,� Heero stated, walking
across hastily strewn clothes lying on the floor. �You�re such a mess. It
wouldn�t hurt if you cleaned up after yourself. Like a grown person.�

Another flash of hurt rippled
through Duo. �Sorry, Hee-chan,� he mumbled.

�In fact, it wouldn�t hurt if you
actually did something around the house. You�re unemployed. I am employed. The
least you can do is clean the apartment.�

Duo sucked his breath in sharply.
What was with him? Was it Torment Duo Day? Did he miss that memo this morning?

�I�ll clean tomorrow, promise,� he
answered. He started walking to Heero�s side of the room when a glare stopped
him.

�It would be best you sleep in your
own bed tonight,� Heero stated coolly. �I�m just not in the mood to put up with you.�

Tears welled up but were held back
as Duo nodded. He buried himself under the blankets of his empty cold bed,
wondering what he ever did to deserve such harsh treatment.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Duo threw back his head and roared with
laughter at the joke the friendly stranger uttered. His amethyst eyes glittered
with mirth as his chuckles died down. His smile widened when he saw his koi
approach from the other side of the club.

�Hee-chan!� Duo exclaimed, waving
to get his attention. �Over here! So glad you could make it!�

Heero shot Duo a disgruntled look.
�I don�t even know why I agreed in the first place,� he grumbled.

�Aw come on, Heero! You�ve been
working all week.�

� and and I�m the one paying all
the bills. You�re not. Can�t you be a little more responsible?�

The light dimmed in Duo�s eyes
slightly. �I�m sorry,� he whispered. �I cleaned the house today.�

�Hn. You shoved everything in the
spare closet. That�s not called cleaning. It�s called laziness.�

Duo turned his face away. Yup. He
missed the morning�s memo again. Be A Bastard To Duo Day. Yippee.

�Heero! Surprise seeing you here!�

Duo�s features lit up. �Kat!�

Quatre laughed and hugged Duo
before turning to Heero and offered a handshake. �It�s been ages since we saw
each other!�

�Four months isn�t ages, little
one,� Trowa drawled behind him. Duo jumped up from his seat and dutifully
glomped Trowa.

�T-man! You�re here too! Figures
though, ne? Where Quatre is, so are you.�

Trowa smiled faintly. �But of
course.�

�Heero, I heard you got a promotion
after a big Preventer mission,� Quatre said excitedly. �Duo told me
everything!�

Shooting Duo a dark look, Heero
grunted. �Duo talks to much,� he groused. �He knows not to talk about Preventer
missions. Perhaps he should learn to keep his mouth shut.�

Duo turned his face away once again
to hide his hurt look. Damn you, Heero Yuy!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Weeks went by, each one the same as
the next. No matter what Duo did or said, Heero was displeased and was quick to
shoot a hurting remark. It got to a point where Duo feared to be around the
former Gundam pilot, wishing to avoid his biting sarcasm and judgments. His
physical health suffered along with his mental health. Duo, renown for his
ability to put away gallons of food, rarely ate. A year ago, Duo could sleep
the day and night away. Now he only slept a few hours, and they were restless.
His joker smile faded away. The light in his eyes diminished. Duo Maxwell was
slowly dying from the inside out.

Quatre was the first to raise the
alarm. Taking Duo aside on an afternoon outing, he drilled the Deathscythe
pilot with questions worthy of an OZ interrogator. Duo merely shrugged his
shoulders and smiled it off. When Trowa asked him, his response was much the
same. A shrug, a sad smile. Nothing more.

As days went by, Duo said less and
less. He merely functioned to satisfy Heero, at home and in public. He never
spoke unless spoken too. He never moved unless obliged too. At home he was the
perfect little house man. He cleaned after himself. Vacuumed the carpets. Slept
on his side of the room. Kept everything running in top shape with his
mechanical skills. Even managed to learn how to cook edible meals.

He was . . . perfect. A perfect
companion for the Perfect Soldier.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

�Heero? Have you noticed Duo�s odd
behavior lately?�

Surprised, Heero looked up from his
meal. �What do you mean?�

Quatre rolled his eyes. �Look at
him!� he demanded, pointing to the braided boy standing at the counter. �He�s
been acting so strange lately! He�s like a robot. So stiff and mechanic.�

Heero scoffed. �Don�t be
ridiculous,� he argued. �Duo�s fine. In fact, he�s improved.�

�Heero! Duo is not a computer
program that gets upgraded. He�s a human being, with human thoughts and
emotions like everyone else. Like you.�

Heero shot Duo a quizzing glance.
Where once Duo may have joked and teased the attractive waitress, he neither smiled
or looked at her. Just stared off in the distance as he waited for his order.

�I�ll talk to him later,� Heero
promised. �When we go home.�

�Good. And Heero. Watch Duo. I mean
really watch him. You�ll see what I mean.�

Puzzled, Heero could only nod as
Duo sauntered over to their table. No, wait. Scratch that. He didn�t saunter.
More like trudged, as if his feet were heavy. Or as if . . . he was reluctant
to approach them.

Heero frowned and paid closer heed
to Quatre�s statements. All throughout the meal, Duo remained silent. He didn�t
joke around. He didn�t join in the conversation with his witty comments or his
lively hand gestures. He didn�t . . . do anything . . .

After paying for the meal, Heero
walked outside the diner, saying good-bye to Quatre outside. He saw the wooden
way Duo hugged Quatre, saw the glazed and unfocused look in his eyes. Heero
stepped forward, reaching his Duo�s hand. His brows knitted when Duo retreated,
a wild look flickering through his eyes as his body tensed. He acted as if he
was under attack.

�Let�s go home,� Heero spoke
softly. Duo obediently followed, not saying a word.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Heero studied Duo from across their
bedroom. Duo neither acknowledged him nor ignored him. He was just sitting
there, brushing his chestnut hair on his bed. Heero had listened to Quatre�s
suggestion and had watched him throughout the day. It was like Duo was there
physically but not mentally. Heero had never noticed how silent the apartment
was without Duo�s innate laughter and conversation. Now the place was like a
tomb, the heavy silence oppressing. Was this what Duo had gone through with
him? This irritating and annoying silence from his partner?

�Duo,� Heero called out. �Why don�t
you sleep here, with me tonight?�

Without blinking an eye, Duo put
his hairbrush down and climbed into bed with Heero. He rolled onto his side,
away from the confused boy, his head pillowed under his hands.

Heero scooted over, noticing that
Duo was practically falling off the bed, he was so close to the edge.

�Hey,� he said, wrapping his arm
around Duo�s waist. Beneath his fingers, he felt Duo�s muscles clench tight and
a breathless hiss was heard. Taken back, Heero snatched his hand away. Didn�t
Duo want to be held? Didn�t he like his touch? Troubled, Heero rolled away and
turned off the lights, plunging the room into darkness.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

�You look like shit.�

Heero raised blurry, red eyes up at
the source of the voice. Peering down at him from the other side of his desk
stood Wufei, his Preventer partner.

�It�s nothing,� he murmured,
looking down.

Wufei snorted. �Bullshit.
Something�s up and you�re going to tell me.�

Sighing, Heero leaned back in his
chair. �It�s Duo,� he began. �He�s not . . . being Duo.�

Wufei�s eyebrow raised. �That
braided idiot?�

�He�s not an idiot,� Heero snapped
irritably.

�Really? Funny, you�ve been calling
him that ever since the war.�

Heero sucked in his breath. It was
true. He had always called Duo a baka. He just never really meant it. But how
would he know if Duo didn�t realize that?

�So what�s the matter with him?�
Wufei questioned.

�He�s too quiet. He won�t say a
word unless you ask him a question that can�t be answered with a nod or a shake
of the head. He cooks. He cleans. He doesn�t touch me and doesn�t let me touch
him.�

Wufei snorted. �Sounds like you
finally got what you wished for, Yuy.�

Heero�s head snapped up. �Nani?!�

�Admit it, Yuy. Ever since you got
together you would bitch about Duo being too loud. Duo being too invasive. Duo
being too messy. Too lazy. Too touchy feely. He�s finally doing what you want
him to do, and now you�re bitching about that!�

With wide eyes, Heero accepted the
startling truth. �I really said those things about him, didn�t I?� he
whispered.

�Every damn day, Yuy. Every goddamn
day. You finally turned Duo into another Perfect Soldier. Now all you have to
ask yourself it wht what cost? At what cost did you pay for destroying the man
we knew as Duo Maxwell?�

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Heero rushed home after his
conversation with Wufei. He only just managed to burst into Une�s office to
blurt out he was taking the rest of the day off before darting off. Heart pounding,
not from exertion but with fear, he dashed inside the apartment.

�Duo!� he called. �Duo, where are
you?� He scurried around the large apartment, frantic in his search. It was
only with his acute hearing did he detect a noise in the bathroom. Kicking the
door open, his eyes could only widen at the sight in front of him.

Sprawled out on the floor with an
empty bottle of pills next to him, Duo was unable to look up at Heero�s face.

�Duo!� Heero fell to his knees, his
arms reaching oo cro cradle his koi�s body in his arms. �Duo, open your eyes,
please!�

Violet eyes flickered open, blurry
and hazy with the effects of the drugs.

�I�m sorry,� he whispered faintly.
So faintly, Heero had to strain to hear him. �I couldn�t do it anymore. I just
couldn�t.�

Tears streamed down Heero�s face as
he wept asheashedly. �No, Duo, I�m sorry! Sorry I did this to you. But please,
please stay with me! Don�t leave!�

�I�m sorry . . .� Breathless, his
strength gone, Duo�s eyes closed.

�No! I�m not going to let you die!
You�re not going to leave me! Duo!!!!�

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Heero gazed unseeingly out his
living room window at the sprawling landscape below. His body was tense, dark
bags under his eyes from lack of sleep. How could he when he . . . oh God, Duo
. . .

�Heero?� said a tentative voice
from behind him.

Sighing, Heero glanced over his
shoulder. �Yes, Quatre?�

Biting his lip, Quatre laid a
gentle hand on Heero�s shoulder. �It�s not your fault, Heero,� he stated softly
but firmly. �Don�t start blaming yourself. He . . . wouldn�t want that.�

�How would you know?� Heero
snarled. �It is my fault. All my fault. Duo was only trying to please
me. He wanted to make me happy and he thought that by listening to me he could
� �

�Stop right there, Yuy,� Trowa cut
in. �You may have said something, but it was Duo who took action. I�m not
blaming him in this, but it�s pointless to try and put the blame on anyone. It
should be quite obvious what you should be focusing on.�

Heero nodded. Yes, he did know. But
could he repair the damaged already dealt?

Just then Sally and Wufei walked
in, both exhausted and weak.

�Well, he�s stabilized,� Sally
announced. �I still don�t agree with keeping him here in the house. It would be
easier to monitor him in the hospital.�

Heero was shaking his head before
she even finished the sentence. �Duo has had bad experiences with hospitals,�
he remarked. �It would only agitate him if he realized he was in one.�

�All right, fine. Just keep an eye
on him, Heero. Even though he�s stabilized, that doesn�t mean he won�t slip
away. Should there be any change in his condition, good or bad, contact me
immediately.�

Heero had stiffened at the �good or
bad� remark, but nodded.

After everyone had left, Heero made
his way to their room. He stopped at the doorway, his heart clenching painfully
at the sight of Duo laid out pale and deathly still on his bed. Their bed. As
soon as Duo was feeling better, Heero was going to get rid of Duo�s bed.
Perhaps move it into the spare room. He had come so close in losing everything.
He had lost Duo�s laur anr and joy. He had almost lost Duo himself. He�d be damned
if he lost anything else!

Sighing, Heero walked over to stand
by Duo�s bedside. He tucked in a stray bang behind his ear as tears fell from
his eyes.

�I�m so sorry, Duo,� he whispered
achingly. �I never meant for any of this to happy. I never meant to change who
you are. I�m the baka, not you. Never you.�

Helpless and lost in his agony,
Heero collapsed onto the chair next to Duo, his hands gripping Duo�s, unwilling
to let go. Ever.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Four days past with no change in
Duo�s condition. And during those four days, Heero was found at Duo�s side,
leaving only to use the bathroom and fixing something to eat. It was on the
fifth day when Duo began to show signs of emerging from his unconscious state.
It was when Heero, exhausted and weary, had fallen asleep, his head pillowed on
his crossed arms, that Duo opened his eyes.

At first, Duo�s sight was blurry
and unfocused. After everything settled, he glanced around, shocked to find the
Perfect Soldier passed out next to him. Heero�s face looked so haggard and worn
out. With a soft moan, Duo reached out and softly touched his face.

At his touch, Heero�s eyes snapped
open. Duo jerked his hand back, but was shocked to find it immediately gripped
in Heero�s hand. Believing he was going to be yelled at, he turned his face
away.

�No, Duo. Look at me. I need you to
look at me.�

Duo complied, his eyes swimming in
tears only to find Heero�s in the same manner. Shocked, he gasped. Heero,
uncaring of the tears rolling down his face, brought Duo�s hand to his lips and
gently kissed it.

�I�m so sorry, Duo,� he whispered
hoarsely. �So damn sorry. There�s nothing I can do or say to every express how
truly sorry I am. I never meant for any of this. To you. To me. To us. I can
only hope you will give me the time to apologize in hopes to earn your
forgiveness.�

Duo bit his bottom lip, unsure what
to say or do. This wasn�t like Heero. Wasn�t like him at all.

As if reading his thoughts, Heero
leaned closer. �I�m the one who needed to change, Duo. Not you. You are perfect
just the way you are. I was the joke. The baka. From now on, it�s me who�s
going to change who I am. God, Duo . . . when I saw you in the bathroom . . .
knowing how close I came to losing you . . .� Heero�s breath hitched as he
buried his face in Duo�s hair.

�Promise me,� he choked. �Promise
me you won�t ever leave me, Duo. Please. I couldn�t survive if you left me.�

Duo sobbed softly, his arm moving
to wrap itself around Heero�s shaking shoulders.

�I promise,� he whispered back,
clutching Heero like a lifeline. And he was. Just as he was Heero�s lifeline.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Three Months Later

�Hee-chan!
Let�s go see a movie!�

Smiling,
Heero wrapped his arm around the bubbly braided boy, pulling him flush against
his body. �I�d rather not,� he crooned in Duo�s ear.

�But,
Hee-bear!� Duo giggled, wiggling in Heero�s grasp. �The night�s still early!
What can we do?�

A wicked
gleam sparkled in Heero�s eyes. �Oh, I can think of a few things . . .�

The End
- 1
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But At What Cost?