Disclaimer: I do not own DBZ

A/N – This is a short fic that I’ve decided to write spur of the
moment. It’s kind of odd and will probably derive several flames of
discontent…but hey, what else is new?

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Not many people know the horror of being stuck inside
their own mind. It isn’t something that can be easily explained, but to someone
who has lived their entire life behind a mask life becomes unbearable. You grow
up pretending to be something you aren’t to please the people around you. You
grow up hiding your fears and emotions behind a smiling face devoid of any true
depth. Why? Why do you want to please others? Because it’s easier. It’s as
simple as that. Things are easier if people like you and accept you, and if
gaining acceptance comes through pretending to be someone you’re not, then so
be it.

I’ve been screaming inside my own mind for so
long all I can hear are screams, but no one must know. I have to smile and nod
and keep pretending this is who I am, that this is what I want t. I . I have to
fool everyone into accepting me. I have to. I have to. If people discovered the
real me they’d leave, disappear in a puff of smoke and be gone for good. Then
I’d be alone. I don’t want to be alone; I’m afraid of who I really am and if I
was left alone with only myself for company…

I don’t want to think about it.

I don’t want to think about what I might do to
myself or to the people around me if I became the person I want to be. It’s not
normal, is it? It’s not normal to crave pain and blood, but every time I close
my eyes I sink into pitch black memories stained a sickly rusted brown. I can
smell the blood and sense it trickle along my skin…it’s warm and feels like a
spider creeping down my neck. It tickles. Each time I remember the smell and
feel of blood I remember the taste; metallic and sweet, like sucking on a
copper coin.

&nbs[end[endif]>

It isn’t normal. It isn’t normal want something
so evil so badly. I want blood, I want pain, and I want him to cut me open
again so I can watch my life slip out of my body. He said it was normal, he
did, but he said it when no one was listening and he whispered it to me so the
others wouldn’t hear him. He must be lying. It isn’t normal. It can’t be. No
one else does this. None of the other girls do. They talk about sex, not about
blood and pain.

Oh God! I want him again; I can feel the need
rippling along my skin like flowing honey; sinking into my pores and delving
into my innermost being. I can already feel my heart speeding up and hear my
heartbeat echoing in my ears as the need takes control. Should I give in? He’s
so close. All I have to do is reach out and touch him and he’ll take me again.

Gohan. I want to whisper his name. I want to
tell him how I feel, but I can’t move my lips. My hand moves and I trace the
contours of muscles along his back; so strong and firm. His skin feels like hot
silk under my palm. He’s perfect. He’s so perfect it hurts to look at him…but I
can’t tear my eyes away. He’s awake now, I can sense his awareness in the back
of my mind; it’s a distant hum of power. He took me away from the others so we
could be alone. I should be frightened, but I’m not.

He rolls over in one swift movement and growls
softly. The growl trickles out of his throat like poison and I feel my mask
change from peaceful to afraid. I’m not really afraid. I don’t want to look
afraid but he expects it. He must. So I do it for him. His eyes, usually so
calm and serene are wild and turbulent, they watch me with animal interest. I
can tell he’s wondering what I’d taste like if he tore open another vein and
let more coppery blood spill. His eyes are so black, so dark.

I want to tell him it’s okay, that I’m not
scared of him. He took off his mask. I want to ask him how so I can take mine
off too and show him who lives inside of me. Am I a monster? Would he stay if
he knew I liked the pain? I wonder sometimes if he chose me because he thinks
I’m afraid of him. He wants to be feared. He grew up wearing a mask that showed
people who they wanted him to be. Now he’s become a monster. Like I have.

His gaze roves down my body and he meets my eyes
with a smirk. He thinks of me as his own property. He’s proud that he stole me
away from the others and was able to use me in this way. I wish I could tell
him that I used him too, but I don’t think he’d believe me. Either way he’s
helping take off my mask. I can feel my control slipping as he reaches for me
and pulls me against his body. He’s pleased. I can read his pleasure in his
eyes as he sees my mask falter.
>

Is this right? Should I take off my mask? What
would he do if he saw who I really am? Is this who he really is? A million
doubts fly through my mind. They cloud my thoughts like buzzing insects. I want
to believe the’ree’re the same, but I don’t want to show him who I am only to
have him leave me. I don’t want to be left alone with my true self.

“Bra.”

My name slides off his tongue so easily. He’s
calling to me, the real me. My eyelids flicker closed and I feel my real
self burst free from my mind like a caged bird. It burns along my skin and my eyelids
are g opg open again as I burst free from the mind I have hidden in for so long
in. No longer am I numb. I can feel. I can feel everything I have ever dreamt
of feeling.

Gohan is pleased. His smirk widens. He welcomes
me to the real world with a kiss that tears my lip. I can taste blood. I
swallow it down and allow Gohan to drink the red liquid from my mouth. His eyes
are hypnotic and I gaze into them without masking my own. I revel in my new
freedom. I feel a smirk slide onto my face; Gohan didn’t leave.

I let my lover show me more pain and blood. I
let him show me what he has shown no other. It is his gift to me, just as it is
my gift to him. It doesn’t feel wrong to be with him. We are the same being. I
fit against his body as though I am part of him. Never again will either one of
us wear our mask. Never again will we hide our true selves from each other.

Perhaps it is wrong to crave blood and maybe I
am a monster, but it doesn’t really matter because this is who I am.

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A/N – Give me a shout and tell me what you
think. It’s a new writing style and I’m curious as to how it comes across to
others.