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Live Like You Were Dyin'	By : Ashley Category: Gundam Wing/AC > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 848 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing/AC, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Live Like You Were Dyin'
- 1
Disclaimer: I do not own and never will! Please don't sue me! I do not make any money from my writing.
Live Like You Were Dyin�

Author: Sparkling Diamond PG-SSM

Pairing: 1x2 background 3x4 and 5xS

Warnings: Heero�s POV. Angst, language, sap, lime. Bring a box of tissues! *NOT A DEATH FIC!*

Archived: www.templeofthegoddess.com , AFF, MM. Anywhere else�just ask.

Summary: Heero learns to appreciate his life and family after receiving some terrible news.

A/N: Dedicated to Raven Layne�. my partner in slime and Internet sister. Love ya!
Inspiration for this fic came from the Tim McGraw song 'Live Like You Were
Dyin'.

Everything I�ve ever learned, all the books I�ve studied, all of life�s experiences couldn�t prepare me for the words spoken by the man that sat across from me.

I sat in a haze for what seemed like hours, letting the words sink in. How could this happen to me? I�m Heero Yuy, ex-soldier, friend to many, husband to Duo Maxwell-Yuy, father of two young daughters. This shouldn�t be happening to me. Not now.

�How long?� I asked, finally coming out of my daze, my eyes locking with the older man across the desk. He adjusted his wire-framed glasses; he gazed at me, and then back down to the stack of papers in front of him.

�No more than six months. I�m sorry Mr. Yuy.� I could only swallow thickly, nodding my head as I took in the information.

Six months. Fifteen years ago, I would have thought six months was a long time, especially in the heat of war. Now, that�s not enough time to do what I need to do. How can I prepare my friends and family for what�s going to happen to me? How can I tell my partner, lover and the other half of my soul that I�ll be leaving him and our girls so quickly?

I left the tall medical building feeling numb, walking at a slow pace towards the parking garage across the street. I didn�t exactly want to go home, to see the faces that promised to break me down into tears.

I�m not sure how I managed to get into the family SUV and pull away from downtown, but I found myself on the highway, heading towards the ocean. Pulling off the road, I followed an old dirt trail that lead to a cliff over looking the churning waters that crashed against the rocks.

This spot was the place I proposed to Duo, getting down on one knee and asking for his hand in marriage. I remember that night like it was yesterday, the dim moonlight filtering through the trees, and the sound of the waves below us. The look on my lover�s face was one that I would never forget. His indigo eyes lit up with surprise, and I�m sure I saw some glimmering tears that threatened to spill, that never did. He accepted, of course. Promising me pain if I didn�t follow through. I think his words were along the line of
�It�s about god damn time, Yuy. Run out on me and I�ll hunt you down and kick your ass.�

We were married eight months after that, in a small ceremony on the beach with all our friends around us. There was nothing fancy about it, all of us in our casual clothes, bare feet and the justice of the peace officiating. Our reception was also held at the beach, grilled food being served, games in the sand, followed by a bonfire to close out the night.

That was one of the greatest days of my life, but the birth of our daughters outshone that day by far.

Stephanie and Danielle Maxwell-Yuy came squalling into our lives just four years ago. I owe part of my happiness to Relena Peacecraft-Bradford, the woman that carried our girls the whole nine months secretly. She brought two of the most beautiful girls I�ve ever seen into the world just for Duo and myself to spoil and love. Duo and I stood in the delivery room, watching the doctors and nurses helping to bring the new lives into the world. I believe that was the first time I cried in a long time. The moment I held my daughters in my arms, their eyes looking back up at me. We created new lives, Duo and myself. Instead of taking lives, we brought them into the world.

Counting each finger and toe, taking in the cute button noses, and the sparse downy brown hair on each of their small heads. They were perfect. I don�t think I had words enough to thank Relena for helping us that day, and I still don�t.

I was jolted out of my memories when my cell phone that clung to my hip rang. I pulled it from the clip, looking at the number. I frowned slightly before opening the phone to answer it.

�Hey love.�

�Hey yourself, sexy. Where are you? Marie said you skipped out after lunch.� I bit my lip, closing my eyes briefly. I didn�t want lie to my husband, but this isn�t how I imagined telling him that I was going to die soon.

�I had a few errands to run. How are the girls?� I changed the subject quickly to one that I knew he would be happy to talk about. Duo was the ever-bragging Daddy.

�They�re both down for their nap. Stephie finger painted on the wall again, and Danni drew you a pretty picture on your office door in crayons. And I�m sad to announce that both cats are now hiding under our bed because of these two little terrorists.� He chuckled, and I knew he was shaking his head with that goofy grin on his face.

�I�ll be home shortly to help you with the chaos.� I forced myself to keep a calm voice. I�d have time to think on the way home on how to break the news to him.

�I�ll be here, unless they force me from the house screaming.� Came his bright reply, before the phone clicked. I folded up my phone, replacing it back in the clip on my belt.

I considered the thoughts of bringing home Duo�s favorite dinner so he wouldn�t have to cook. Bounced around the idea of bringing him flowers, or his favorite candy, but I knew if I did any of the above he would become suspicious of what was going on. I couldn�t let that happen until I had everything sorted out in my head. There was no gentle way to break news like mine.

I entered the house by the back door, listening to the sweet sounds of my family in the living room singing along with one of the pre-school vids that one of the guys sent to the girls.

I almost lost it right there. There wasn�t enough time to enjoy all the things my girls would do, what they would become when they grew. I�d miss their first day at school, I wouldn�t be there for their first dates, the boyfriends I knew that would line up to court them�to walk them both down the aisle when they found their true love�to hold my first grandbabies. I�ve taken my life and family for granted.

�Hey baby. I didn�t hear you come in.� Duo was practically standing right in front of me and I didn�t even notice. He gave me a kiss on the cheek, his eyes smiling warmly at me.

�I just got home.� I answered numbly, trying to keep my face as neutral as possible. I almost felt like running. I couldn�t face him, not right now, but I had no choice.

�Good. Hope you had a good day, dinner should be done in an hour.� He smiled at me before poking his head into the oven.

�Yeah, it was good.� I turned on my heel, heading for my office away from work to drop off my briefcase. I stopped at the entrance of the living room watching the two brown haired pixies dancing and singing the alphabet with the cartoon characters on the vid screen. I smiled, my eyes glazing over before I forced myself to look away and tend to what I needed to do.

The office door was indeed covered in crayon by my beloved Danni. She drew me a lovely picture of flowers and kitties, and what looked like Duo and myself holding hands and smiling. I�d have to tell Duo not to clean it off. It was the best picture I�d ever seen.

I closed the door behind me, setting my briefcase down beside the computer tower. I lowered myself down into my leather chair, my eyes catching the small-framed pictures that lined my desk and walls. Each and every one of them held a memory to me. From the picture of Quatre smashing wedding cake into Trowa�s face, the smiling face of Wufei holding his newborn son, to the picture of Duo and the girls playing in the sand at the beach.

I rubbed at my head, the pain starting to come back. The real reason why I showed up at the doctor�s office last week was because of this pain. Headaches that seemed to debilitate me from time to time seemed more frequent and painful. I cursed myself for not going earlier. I could have had time left if I did. I�m so stupid!

I rummage through my coat pocket, pulling out a bottle of pain medication the doctor handed me. He said it would help, keep me comfortable for the time being. I popped the top, shaking out two of them. I grabbed the almost empty glass of water I left sitting here the night before, swallowing them easily. If I couldn�t be cured, I might as well keep myself pain-free until the end. Treasure my time like a greedy man.

The doctor gave me options, but none seemed to matter. Either way, I would have to face what was coming. Surgery would only delay the inevitable, and probably take time away from me. He handed me pamphlets on Hospice, telling me about the group. I�d like to have my last days here at home, surrounded by my family and friends.

�Heero?� Duo called my name, followed by a quiet knock on the door. I swiveled in my chair, seeing my husband�s head poke around the edge of the door.

�Are you alright?�

�Fine.�

�You�re just awfully quiet.�

�I said I�m fine, Duo. Just leave me alone.� I snapped, regretting the tone of my voice almost immediately. Damn it, this isn�t how I expected my day to go at all.

I saw his frown, his eyes cast to the floor. �Sorry, I didn�t mean to bug you.� He closed the door behind him just as quietly as he opened it.

�Damn it.� I spat out, wanting for nothing more than something to throw against the wall, or just to trash the whole damn office. I picked up the crystal paperweight on the corner of my desk, testing the weight before putting it back down. I couldn�t do it. I didn�t want to scare Duo or the girls with my fit of rage. I was angry, not with just myself, but at the whole damn world.

�Why? Damn it, why?� I felt my calm shatter like a pane of glass, the tears starting to travel down the creases on my face that time had put there. How could this be happening?

I kept my sobbing breaths as silent as I could, the pain in my head now almost greater than the one in the pit of my stomach and heart. All I wanted to do was live, and now I couldn�t even do that. At the moment, I decided I wouldn�t tell Duo, or anyone else for that matter, what was to happen. I know Duo would be mad, and probably wouldn�t forgive me, but I don�t think I could take seeing his reaction to this. Not in a million years would I want to put this on someone I loved. Never.

I took the better part of an hour to calm myself once again, making sure the tear tracks were taken care of before joining my family at the dinner table. Duo glanced from underneath his bangs, gauging my mood as he served up the meal for the girls first. Stephanie turned her nose up at the vegetables almost immediately, while Danielle started gobbling up the food that was placed on her plate as fast as Duo could put it there.

A small smile crept up on my face as I watched my two baby girls at the table knowing Danielle would be finished in record time, and Stephanie would take half the night and Duo coaxing her to eat. Would they remember when I�m gone of all the fun we had? The time when Dad and Daddy would make them clean their plates before leaving the table.

Would they remember me at all when they got older? Or would they remember me as the man that was always at work, and never had time to sit down with them to play or sing their silly songs?

The night passed in almost a blur for me. Dinner finished, the babies bathed and put to bed with bedtime stories for both. I found Duo in our bedroom, putting away the clean laundry right before bed.

�I�m sorry for snapping earlier.� I couldn�t think of a lame excuse to put with my simple apology. He just waved his hand at me, putting away my boxers and socks into the top drawer of the dresser.

�It�s okay, I know Quat has you running ragged with keeping up on that project.� I was almost glad he thought of a lame excuse for me. I grunted with acceptance of it, sitting down on the bed and pulling off my clothes.

This day has drained me completely. I didn�t want to think about WEI crap, or the stuff the doctor told me. All I wanted to do now was to crawl in bed, hold my husband tight, and pray that sleep would come to me at some point during the night.

I snuggled down in the cool sheets of our bed, closing my eyes while I waited for Duo to finish up his nightly rituals. Ten minutes later, the light switch was clicked, plunging the bedroom into darkness. I felt the bed dip, the blankets pulled back before feeling his warm, nude body stretched out beside me. I put my arm around him, pulling him closer to me. He turned his head, his lips seeking mine. Our noses bumped one another before I found his lips. I poured every ounce of love into that kiss, hoping that it would convey the feeling I held deep for him. I�ll always love him, today, tomorrow and forever.

That night, I made love to him. Slow and easy, leaving him breathless and begging for more. My hands memorized the curves and planes of his body; the feeling was almost like our first time together. I wanted to remember this night, wanting to remember my husband�s expression of ecstasy that flushed his face, the way his body moved with mine. The sound of his voice calling my name when he climaxed. I wanted something to comfort, and take with me into the next life. He didn�t disappoint me. He dropped off in a sedate sleep afterwards, leaving me still awake with my thoughts.

My gut twisted, my eyes watered as I laid there awake, watching him sleep so peacefully unaware of the ticking time bomb that would take my life away from the both of us. I caressed his hair away from his face and repeated the words,
�I love you, always remember that.� until I fell asleep.

By the end of the week, the whole deal had finally sunk in. I had to change my ways, appreciate the time I had left. I found myself watching my husband more. Noticing all the little things he does when he�s home with the girls. I guess I never took the time to see everything. He was so adamant about staying home and taking care of the girls when they were born, while I resumed my work as one of Quatre�s senior advisors at WEI. There is no doubt in my mind that he�ll take care of the girls after I�m gone. He�ll make sure they grow up right, become beautiful women just as we dream.

I went and saw a lawyer, making sure my Will was in order. Everything would go to Duo and the girls except for a few small things. I left Wufei my collection of books that were kept in my office. Trowa and Quatre would get the antique tea set I found years ago. Quatre would always admire it when he came over.

I can�t tell you how hard it was to sign my name on that paper, but it would secure that everything would go to the proper people when the time came.

The headaches seemed to become worse, and I was trying to hide them the best that I could. I didn�t want Duo to worry. The pills the doctor gave me seemed to take the edge off, helping me through my days; while I worried that there was less time than what I was told. I had so much to do still, so much to tell Duo and my girls. The hourglass was running out of sand.

I phoned Trowa, telling him that I needed to take a break from work, to get away with Duo for a bit. I knew that if I talked with Quatre, he would be playing twenty questions, trying to find out what was going on. I was grateful that I talked with his other half. Trowa didn�t question me, but offered to take the girls while we were gone.

We ended up touring America to its fullest. Duo was suspicious at first, reluctant to go. But he caved in, but then felt guilty after we left when we dropped the girls off with Trowa and Quatre. He knew we needed this small vacation, and I promised him lots of good memories.

We rented a cherry red sports car somewhere in California, planning on seeing all the sights from coast to coast.

�Heero, slow it down! We�re not in a hurry!� Duo had to shout above the racing winds that crashed over the car as I pushed the accelerator down. I could hear his laugh, see the twinkle in his eyes as we raced over the deserts in Nevada. I felt free, my mind clear of all the stress and worries that�d been plaguing me for the last few weeks. I was going to make this trip full of special moments, and show my husband how much I loved him.

The morning of our fourth day of the trip found us standing at the base of Devil�s Tower in Wyoming. I wanted to climb the almost 1,200 foot high vertical mountain that jutted into the sky.

�You know there is an ancient Native American legend that belongs to this tower?� Duo looked up from his brochure that he�d snatched from a nearby information center. I shook my head, looking back at the tower before me.

�It says here that a bunch of little girls were playing in the woods around here when some bear found them. They climbed up on the rocks and the land moved, the rocks rising upwards out of the reach of the bears. They say the rock moved so far up that it turned the little girls to stars that make up the Pleiades Cluster. And the jagged columns of the tower was made by the claws of the bear trying to reach the girls, and make them into dinner.�

�Interesting.� I muttered. The jagged rocks in front of me seemed to call my name.

�Oh no you don�t, Yuy. You are not going to climb that damn thing.� Duo snipped, latching on to my arm when I refused to look at him.

�This might be my only chance, Duo.�

�I don�t give a shit. We�re here to sight see, not break our necks doing something stupid. Hell I�m not even sure they allow climbing up there.�

�They do.� I could hear him muttering under his breath, knowing he wasn�t going to deter me from what I had in mind. I grabbed his arms, locking my lips with his. When I pulled away, I could see the lust burning in his eyes, and the look that he couldn�t deny me.

�I love you.� I whispered to him, rubbing my hands up and down his arms while he stared at me.

�Love you, forever.� He whispered back, a knot formed in my throat with his endearments. I had to turn away from him, hide the tremble that made itself known in my bottom lip. I�ve become so damn emotional over everything. I�m trying to keep my cool, calm demeanor, but it�s becoming increasingly harder not to break down and tell him the horrible news. I�ll tell him after the trip, after we implant all the good times into his memories. I won�t ruin this for anything.

It took us four hours to climb the steep walls. Busted knuckles, and bruised limbs, and a few mind jarring slips, we made it to the top to see the landscape surrounding us. It was beautiful in my eyes. Duo took out his camera, clicking off a few pictures of the land below us before turning his lens on me. I raked my fingers through my hair, trying to tame it out of my eyes before he took the picture.

�Don�t.� He scolded me. �You look damn sexy like that.� I had to smile, my eyes turning away from him to look out over the land once again. I could hear the click of the shutter, five pictures being taken to live on after I left. I grimaced a little at the thought, but it was more of the pain that was trying to sneak in on my good time. Unfortunately, Duo caught it before I could hide the fact.

�Heero? You okay?�

�I�m fine, just a headache.� I replied, grabbing my water bottle out of the pack at my feet.

�Maybe we should head back down one of the easier trails, then.� He suggested, bringing his hand up to his eyes to block the sun out of his sight.

�Yeah.� I nodded my head, agreeing with my husband. We needed to continue our trip anyway.

The week and a half seemed to slip by too quickly for me, but on the other hand, I couldn�t wait to get home and hold my girls. I fulfilled some of my dreams and I�m sure Duo had a great time as well, but was ready to leave the sights and sounds of America behind for the sights and sounds of two little girls at home.

The second month into my secret did nothing to quell the sick feeling I got when I thought about what Duo and the girls would do without me. I found myself hugging my little girls for dear life when I put them to bed. Watching them as they slept peacefully unaware that �Dad� wasn�t going to be around for much longer.

I think Duo has noticed my changes, but he hasn�t questioned it so far. I see the smile he has on his face when he catches me playing in the back yard with Stephie and Danni, or playing dress up with their fashion dolls spread out all over the living room floor. I was doing things that the normal Heero Yuy wouldn�t dream of doing. I can�t believe all the things that I�ve missed out on so far. How could I live a life so blind to the things around me? Now I didn�t have the time to embrace all the things that I�m going to miss.

Friday at the end of that week found me out on my motorcycle, zipping through cars and trucks on the highway with Wufei trying to keep up with my pace on Duo�s matching bike. He and Sally brought their son, Kaden, down on a visit for the weekend, and I found myself needing to get out of the house before my heart tore itself to pieces.

I found myself back in the very spot I stopped those few months back after leaving the doctor�s office. I put the kickstand down on the bike, rocketing myself off of the seat as fast as I could. Anger swelled in my chest, my eyes blurring with tears. The pounding of my blood drowned out the rev of a powerful bike as it caught up with me.

Wufei found me as the first of my fisted hands landed hard against a tree trunk. I kept pounding and pounding, knowing I was abusing myself more than the tree that stood in front of my fists. I kept going, landing blow after blow before bellowing out in rage, my voice echoing against the trees. I flung myself down to the ground, my back now leaning against the tree that took my rage.

�Feel better now?� Wufei asked after a few moments, his dark gaze regarding me closely from the seat on Duo�s bike.

�No,� I shook my head. �I hurt even more.� I dipped my head, my bangs hiding my sad eyes from my friend. He pushed the kickstand down on the bike, moving slowly to kneel in front of me. He took my hands in his, grunting at the torn and bleeding knuckles.

�That tree didn�t deserve that. It did nothing to you.� A bit of the Chinese man�s dry humor slipped out, and it made me laugh. I found myself laughing like a maniac before the first of the sobs that I�d held on to so tight slipped out.

�Tell me.� I felt his breath against my ear as he pulled me into his warm arms, his hands rubbing my back in comfort. That�s all it took for me to spill my secret to my friend.

When all was said and done, he sat back against his heels, his face as neutral as he could make it. �Duo doesn�t know.� It was more a statement than a question.

�No. I can�t bring myself to tell him.� I wiped at my eyes, trying to act as calm as the dark haired man that sat in front of me.

�He needs to know, Heero. He needs to prepare for this as much as you do. You need to tell everyone. If you don�t, I will.� His eyes were stern with me, promising me that he would do so if I failed.

�Let me tell him in my own way, Wufei. He should hear it from me.� I cast my eyes towards the blue ocean, tossing a hand full of pebbles over the cliff into the water below.

�I know it won�t be easy.� He breathed out a sigh, �Something like this isn�t easy to swallow.�

We remained quiet for a little while longer, watching the white-capped waves crest before crashing against the rocks.

�Promise me something, my friend.�

�Anything.�

�Watch over Duo and the girls for me. I know he�s going to take it really hard, and I want to make sure that someone is there for him. I don�t want the girls to grow up without their Daddy as well. Don�t let him follow me. Promise me.�

�I promise.� He whispered back, his voice betraying the lump in his throat with his words.

�I�d also like to have my ashes spread out here. It�s beautiful, and this is where I asked Duo to marry me.�

�I�ll make sure that it happens.�

�Thank you.�

Nothing was said about my erratic driving or how I beat the snot out of the tree at my ocean view spot. I was grateful that Wufei was there, and I was able to get everything off my chest. I also think that I opened his eyes in a way. I could tell by the way he looked at his son and his wife that he was seeing them in a new light as I saw my family in as well. Never, ever take anything for granted. You could lose it all in the blink of an eye.

Two weeks after my losing brawl with the tree found us all at Trowa and Quatre�s home on the L-4 colony. Trowa requested for us all to be in attendance for the celebration of his husband�s thirtieth birthday.

The day was very bright and warm as we collected on the back patio of Quatre�s estate, watching Kaden and the girls play out in the huge back yard. Duo was chatting with the birthday boy, Trowa was reclining in a chair, a pair of sunglasses covering his eyes looking for the entire world to be asleep, but I knew he was watching his husband intently. I had taken some of my pain medication before coming out on the patio, but the headache threatened me in the worse way. I felt nauseous, my eyes wanting nothing more than to be closed. I took a seat out of the sun, trying to keep my eyes on the girls as they laughed and danced around the little boy that stood in the yard scowling just like his father.

I fought it for another ten minutes before excusing myself quickly, retreating into the house to find a safe place to ride out the rest of this pain. I could hear my husband calling after me, the sound of his shoes on the tiled floor just inside the foyer. I made it to the stairs, reaching for the banister with one hand to steady myself as I climbed.

The world spun before me, my balance lost in the shuffle of the sharp pain that raced like lightning through my skull. I brought both of my hands up to clutch at my head, fingers lacing through my hair, trying to stop the pain. I was only aware of my feet losing the tread of the stairs, and my husband�s frantic shout behind me.

I barely remember anything after that. It was all like a dream of haze and blurry pictures. Duo, my poor Duo was shouting in worry, the panic rising in his voice. My other friends took charge quickly, calling an ambulance and keeping the three small children away from the scene that I had made. I was aware of Duo sitting on the floor, his hand holding mine.

�Keep your eyes open, baby. Please don�t close your eyes.� But I didn�t have the strength to keep them open no matter how much he begged. The pain was overruling me. It just hurt so bad that I wished I had something to finish myself off with. I found my stomach revolting suddenly, the snacks I had consumed earlier making a return trip. I must have gagged, because Duo rolled me on my side before my stomach expelled it contents all over the polished tile floor of Quatre�s home. I let the darkness claim me after that, my final thoughts were of apologizing to Quatre for puking on his floor.

I�m not sure how much time elapsed before I was able to fight my way through a muddled haze that wrapped itself tightly around my brain. I was aware of someone holding my hand, and the steady but mellow sound of a heart monitor somewhere off to my left side. I blinked a few times, clearing my sight before turning my head towards the direction of the warm hand. Duo, my husband of almost ten years, was staring back at me, his face marked with dried up streams of tears that were shed earlier. I wanted to reach out to him, caress his cheeks, and wipe those ugly stains that did not belong on his face away.

�Why didn�t you tell me?� His voice hitched slightly, but his eyes never wavered from my own.

�I didn�t know how to tell you.� I whispered back, this time I turned my head. Afraid of what the expression on my husband�s face would be.

�I had to find out that my love of my life was dying. Wufei ended up telling all of us before the ambulance arrived. He thought we knew.�

�I�m sorry��

�Why couldn�t you tell me?� He let go of my hand, standing up to tower over my bedside. �Is that why we took that trip? Is that why you changed so much? Why, Heero? Why?� The tears had come back with force, streaking down his cheeks.

�I didn�t want this hanging over both of our heads. I wanted to enjoy the last of my time without you worrying over me. I wanted to make the time special, something you could cherish, and keep you warm when I was gone.�

�God damn it, Yuy! This isn�t all about you! It�s about you and me, and two special little girls that are so scared right now. Quatre couldn�t get to them in time before they saw you sprawled out on the floor. What the hell am I supposed to tell them when Dad doesn�t come home one day, huh? What am I going to tell them? What am I suppose to do without you?� My braided lover collapsed to the floor, sobbing into his hands. He leaned forward, his head resting against the mattress of my hospital bed, as he wept.

I reached out with one hand, stroking the top of his head. This wasn�t how I wanted him to find out. Now I was regretting all the time I spent trying to figure out how to tell him, and wishing that I�d only told him the truth the day I found out. I can�t take it back now, and this is how he�s going to remember it. The great Heero Yuy, the bastard that kept his dying secret from his lover and husband.

�I�m sorry.� I choked out, my eyes betraying me, large tears gently sweeping their way down my face. �I�m so sorry, my love.�

Five minutes of sitting in silence, the tears starting to slow. I was confronted by a dark pair of eyes from the doorway, my Chinese friend scolding me without words. I frowned, knowing I couldn�t avoid his tough lashing as well.

�The doctor says that the test results should be back in a few minutes.� I nodded, noticing as Duo raised his head to wipe at his treacherous tears once again. He looked exhausted; his beautiful eyes were bloodshot from all the tears he�d shed for me. For us.

Wufei entered the room, making himself comfortable against the wall near the doorway. His dark eyes were still pinning me, telling me that I had fucked up in a major way. But I also saw concern in those eyes, concern that engulfed more than just me.

We didn�t have to wait long, when a middle-aged doctor, probably not much older than the three of us in the room came in with clipboard in hand. I felt Duo take my hand, his shaking fingers twining with mine. I gave them a brief squeeze, wishing I had more words than
�I�m sorry, and things will be all right.�

�Mr. Yuy, I�m Dr. Snider. I wanted to talk with you briefly about your condition.� He looked at my husband still taking up residence on the floor, and my friend leaning against the wall.

�It�s all right. They can hear anything you�ve got to say about my prognosis.�

�Your friend had said that you were diagnosed over two months ago with an inoperable brain tumor. Your doctor gave you six months before you would die.� I nod my head in agreement. I had told Wufei everything, and he would never forget details such as those. I heard Duo move at my side, he had taken the chair that he was previously sitting in, and was now trying to make his way back into it. I guess taking the news of your loved one dying on the cold floor wasn�t a good idea to him.

�He�s either a quack, or he got your results mixed up with someone else�s.� Dr. Snider piped in, looking back down into the sheets of paper on the clipboard.

�What?� Duo mumbled, his eyes wide as saucers. I can�t say that my eyes were not the same.

�I said that the results that he gave Mr. Yuy were wrong. Totally wrong. The C.A.T. scan of your brain came back clean. There is no tumor, or any growth for that matter inside your head.�

You could have knocked me down with a feather after receiving that news. I didn�t know whether to laugh or to cry. For the most part, I sat in utter disbelief. I could still be with my family. I could enjoy watching my daughters grow up; have lives of their own. I could spend the rest of my life worshiping my husband and his unconditional love. I could stick around and watch the rest of my friends grow old right along side me. Everything that I was afraid I was going to miss, I wouldn�t now.

I broke down crying in the arms of my husband in the stale white hospital room that afternoon. The stress and terrible burden I�d been carrying was lifted from my shoulders. I could return to my life, and be the doting father and loving husband I always dreamed I could be. Be a better friend to my former comrades in arms, my extended family.

I was discharged from the hospital the next afternoon with a diagnosis of severe migraines and cluster headaches that could be controlled with medicine. That was something I could live with, if it meant I had a longer time to live.

Now I live with a motto I heard a long time ago, and wish I had taken it to heart before this ordeal even started.

�Someday I hope you get the chance, to live like you were dyin��
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Live Like You Were Dyin'