The Sound of Goodbye

Disclaimer: I don\'t own Gundam Wing or any of its characters. I also do not own the Song \"The Sound of Goodbye\", credit for that goes to the Band Perpetuous Dreamer.

The Sound of Goodbye

\"Every face I see is cold as ice,
everything I touch is prey,
ever sinve I lost imagination.

Like a stream that flows into the sea,
I am lost for eternity,
ever since you took your love away from me.

Sometimes...
Sometimes the sound of goodbye
is louder than any drumbeat.\"
[Perpetuous Dreamer]


The hammering sound of dance-music rang through the house. Once again. Duo stood at the locked door, pressing his ear against the wood. Even though the music was _really_ loud, he could hear Heero\'s voice.
\"Ichi, ni, san,..., ichi, ni... K\'so! I just don\'t get it right...\"

\"What the hell is he doing in there? If I didn\'t know better, I\'d say he\'s practicing how to dance... Yeah, right, Heero \"no emotions\" Yui and dancing. Hah, never!\" Duo thought. He still felt pain in his heart, when he thought about that fateful evening a few weeks before.
***************************************************************************
They were celebrating the end of the second war [1]. Although they produced a terrible mess in the kitchen, cooking and preparing a meal had really been fun.
So, after dinner (and after cleaning up the kitchen ^^) they sat down in the living room of the house, they had come to live in together. Quatre had made himself comfortable on Trowa\'s lap, cuddling up to his lover, while Duo had claimed the other sofa for himself. Heero and Wufei occupied the two armchairs.
They talked for hours, sharing memories and enjoying the company of each other. As always, Heero had been pretty silent, watching the others and listen to their talk.
Around three in the morning Quatre and Trowa went to bed. Wufei watched them leave and jawned.
\"I guess, I\'ll go to bed as well. Good night you two.\"
\"Good night Wu. Hope you\'ll be able to sleep with QT in the next room...\" Duo grinned. Wufei\'s only answer was a snort, then he went upstairs.
It grew silent in the room, as Duo and Heero were the only ones left.
\"Come on, Maxwell, it\'s now or never...\" Duo thought to himself. He took a deep breath and looked at Heero. The japanese boy was still sitting in the armchair, the cobalt blue eyes staring off into nowhere.
\"Uhm, Heero?\"
\"Hm?\"
\"Can I talk to you for a minute?\"
\"You\'ve been talking all night.\"
Duo sighed. Maybe it wasn\'t a good idea after all... He took another deep breath.
\"Listen, Heero, I\'m serious. I need to talk to you. Please?\"
For the first time this night Heero turned to face Duo. His cobalt gaze was so intense, it made Duo feel like it would pierce right through his soul. Duo felt uneasy, but he needed to say it. If he didn\'t tell Heero what he felt, he\'d go mad for sure. Heero looked at him.
\"So, what is it?\"
\"Uhm...where do I start..? Well...I...\" Duo felt himself at loss for words.
Heero\'s eyebrow twitched. \"Maxwell?\"
\"Heero...I mean...*sigh* *deepbreath* We\'ve been friends for quite a while now...I mean, we are friends, aren\'t we?\"
\"Guess you could say so.\"
\"Yeah, and we live here together with the others and we all joined the Preventers and...\"
\"Get to the point.\"
\"Uhm, yeah, now...I...I discovered, that...that you mean a lot to me. I have really strong feelings for you, Heero.\"
\"So you\'re saying...?\"
\"I love you, Heero.\"
Duo held his breath as he waited for the other boy to react. But he didn\'t. Heero\'s face remained expressionless. Absolutely nothing. No joy, no anger, no emotion.
\"Heero?\"
\"Was that it?\"
\"Y...yes.\"
Heero stood up and turned to leave the room. \"Good night, Maxwell.\"

[...Like a stream that flows into the sea,
I am lost for eternity,
ever since you took your love away from me...]

***************************************************************************
\"Yeah, he just left the room...that...that...whatever!\" Duo thought to himself. He sighed. \"Can somebody tell me why I still love him?\" he asked himself as he stared at the wood of the door. As always he found no answer to this question.
Inside of the room the music stopped. Shortly after, the door was unlocked and Heero stepped out. He passed Duo without even noticing him and went to the bathroom to take a shower.

Later that night Duo lay awake on his bed. All his thoughts circled around one person. Heero. Duo sighed and turned to lay on his side, to finally go to sleep, when a sound from the next room reached his ear.
\"Sounds like someone crying...is that Heero?\" Duo wondered. He left his bed and sneaked over to Heero\'s room, pressing his ear to the door, just like a few hours before.
Inside the room, Heero was deep asleep. And had a terrible nightmare. In this dream, he was a kid again, barely five years old. It was night, he was in his bed, and someone was there with him. He was really scared...
Outside the room Duo could hear Heero\'s whimpering. He really wondered, what could scare Heero so much.
\"No...no, leave me alone...no...please...don\'t touch me...go away...GO AWAY!!!\"
Now Heero screamed at the top of his lungs. Duo stormed into the room, grabbed Heero by the shoulders and tried to wake him up.
Finally Heero opened his eyes. He looked at Duo, a horrified expression on his face, tears streaming down his cheeks.
\"Hey, Heero, It\'s me. Duo.\"
Heero blinked. Then he looked at Duo.
\"What are you doing in my room?\"
\"Baka, you were having a nightmare and you were screaming loud enough to wake the whole neighbourhood!\"
Heero glared at him. \"Don\'t call me \'Baka\', Maxwell.\"
\"Sorry, Heero...I didn\'t mean to.\"
\"Leave my room, please.\"
\"Are you okay, Heero?\"
\"Sure, now _leave_!\"
Duo left the room, closing the door behind him. From inside the room he could hear a muffled sob. When Duo lift his head, he looked straight into the worried faces of the others.
\"He\'s okay, I guess...\"
\"What was wrong anyway? Why did he scream?\" Quatre asked. Duo shook his head. \"He had a nightmare, that\'s all...\"
\"Oh...poor Heero...\" Quatre whispered.
Wufei looked at the others. \"We should all go back to sleep.\" he suggested.
*
When they all met at the breakfast table, Heero behaved as usual. Nothing reminded of what had happened at night. After breakfast Heero packed a few things and prepared to leave. As he went to the front door, Duo turned to him, and asked: \"Hey Heero, where are you going?\"
\"Got a new mission. See you in two or three weeks.\" With these words he left. Duo returned to his breakfast, but suddenly the cornflakes tasted to him like ashes.
*
Heero looked at the building. It was large, built of red bricks, with a veranda on the flat roof above the third floor. Above the entrance, written in flaming red letters, stood the name of the club: Hellhole.
\"Hm, fitting name, considering that the owner is well known for major weapon-dealing.\" Heero mused. Then he exited the car, grabbed his bag and walked over to the entrance. The door was unlocked and he entered the club, looking for the owner. His new \"employer\" and his target.
Inside of the \"Hellhole\" two colours dominated the interior: black and red. The walls were all painted pitch black, with red ornaments looking like flames. The main room occupied the whole first floor, with stairs at the walls, leading to the second floor. Heero looked around, noticing two cages that were installed above the DJ\'s desk.
Suddenly a voice rang through the room.
\"Are you the new dancer?\"
Heero looked up and saw a man standing on the gallery on the second floor. Then, to answer the question, he nodded.
\"Come upstairs, so we can talk a little.\"
Heero climbed the stairs and walked over to the man he now recognized to be Caine Watkins, the owner. Watkins greeted him like an old friend.
\"Come on in, have a seat, then we can settle the formalities.\"
For the next ten minutes Heero answered Watkins\' questions about name, age, and so on. Of course Heero had a fake ID, the name Heero Yui was way too well known to be of use. Still, the game of question and answer continued.
\"Say, Kenji [2], are you gay?\"
Heero swalloweed hard. \"Beg your pardon?\"
\"Are you gay?\"
\"Well...uhm...not really...\"
\"So you\'re a bisexual.\"
\"Is that importand for the job?\"
\"No, let\'s call it \'private interest\'. So, you\'re a bisexual?\"
\"Hm, maybe, never really thought about that...\"
Watkins grinned. \"Ok, fine. Want to meet the others?\"
Glad for the change of topic, Heero nodded. \"Sure.\"
While Watkins gave him a guided tour, Heero thought about what they had talked about. While he discussed with himself, whether he was gay or not, he suddenly caught himself thinking about Duo. Just now he remembered how Duo had told him...that he loved him.
\"I wish I could give him a proper answer to that...but I can\'t. I don\'t know...how to love, even if I wanted to...\"
When they entered the dressing rooms, they were greeted by cheerful laughter. At least it seemed cheerful. Watkins clapped his hands to get the attention of the people sitting around.
\"Folks, I want you to welcome your new fellow dancer. His name is Kenji Yamakawa.\"
*
The days flew by, and before Heero even noticed, two weeks had passed. And still he had found no proof for Watkins\' weapon-dealing. His only chance was to find the secret weapon-depot, that was located somewhere under the club.
\"I\'ll start searching tomorrow...I\'m too exhausted to do anything now...\" he thought, when he fell on the bed in the small appartment he had rented.

He fell asleep and just like the nights before, he had terrible nightmares. In these dreams he always returned to his childhood. Sometimes he was five or six years old, sometimes he was about ten. But one thing was always the same. It was at night, he was in his bed and someone was with him. An adult, someone he knew. Never in his dreams had he seen the face of this person, this man, that was hurting him. Every time he had his eyes closed, but in this dream he forced himself to open his eyes. He recognized the face above him immediately. It was the face of his stepfather, Odin Lowe.
Heero awoke with a sob. He sat up, feeling tears roll down his face.
\"Now I remember...how he hurt me, raped me night after night... He made me lock all my emotions away...\"

[Every face I see is cold as ice,
everything I touch is prey,
ever since I lost imagination...]

*
At the same time Duo lay on his bed and just couldn\'t go to sleep. The last few days he had really been in a bad mood and now he had discovered why. He missed Heero, it was as simple as that. \"When he returns, I\'ll talk to him once more. And I swear, I\'ll make him answer to me. I won\'t give Heero up!\"
*
The next day Heero went to work in the club again. When he entered the dressing room he noticed, that one of the female dancers was missing. He turned to a colleague and asked: \"Hey, Mike, have you seen Yasemine? She should be working in my shift.\"
Mike looked at him and answered: \"Haven\'t you heard? Yasemine is in hospital. She was raped, when she left the club to go home after work. Watkins found her.\"
Heero paled. \"Raped? Oh no... How is she?\"
\"I don\'t know. But I think, she won\'t be working for a long time, if ever again.\"
Heero nodded, then changed his clothes. He had a bad feeling in his guts, when he left the dressing room to enter his workshift.
Two hours later, when Heero took a small break, Watkins called out to him and waved him over to the office.
When Heero entered the office, he saw, that Watkins wasn\'t alone. Next to him, behind his desk, stood two men. Heero recognized them to be Watkins bodyguards. The bad feeling inside Heero grew stronger, but he tried to ignore it.
\"Is there a problem? Have I done anything wrong?\"
\"Oh, no Kenji, everything is fine. I just wanted to know, how you like your work.\"
\"It\'s hard work, but I enjoy it. The others are really nice people.\"
\"Excellent. I\'m very glad to hear that.\"
\"But...\"
\"Yes?\"
\"Can you tell me, what happened to Yasemine?\"
Watkins tried hard to look shocked and disconsolate. \"Oh, the poor girl. So you\'ve already heard about that?\"
Heero noticed that Watkins sounded almost ironic when talking about Yasemine. He didn\'t know what to make of that until he felt strong hands grabbing him. When he looked up, he saw Watkins\' bodyguards, each holding him by his arms and shoulders. They forced Heero to stand up, while Watkins walked around his desk.
\"Hmm, I really like your body...\" Watkins purred. Then he ordered his bodyguards to bring Heero \"downstairs\".
Heero\'s mind panicked. He thought about freeing himself, but the bodyguards\' grip was like a vice, as they dragged Heero downstairs on a hidden staircase.
Finally, after passing through endless corridors, the bodyguards entered a strange room. The light was dimmed to almost darkness and Heero could hardly see anything. The two men seemed to know perfectly well, how to move in this room, as they walked straight through it. Then Heero felt, how he was put on some kind of rack. He struggeled to free himself, as he realized, how his arms and legs were tied to this rack with metal chains. Heero lay there, panicking, tied to a rack and presenting his backside to whoever stood behind him. He pulled at the chains, trying once more to free himself, when something solid hit his head. Heero welcomed the approaching darkness of unconsiousness, knowing that it wouldn\'t last long.

He awoke from the sound of a voice talking. He was confused at first, wondering where he was.
\"Where the hell am I? Man, I really had a strange dream...no, it was no dream. It\'s real...it\'s really happening to me! Come on, stay calm. Panicking won\'t bring you anywhere. I mean, what can he do to you? What _will_ he do to you? I fear, I know that already...He will...\" Heero\'s thoughts continued down that path, until he stopped himself. Instead, he listened to the monologue that Watkins held. He was talking to someone on the phone.
\"I already told you, my friend...no, that\'s absolutely no problem, as long as you pay for it. If I see the money on my account, I\'ll deliver. So, how about...oh, well that\'s something special. It will take me 48 hours to get those. Fine. The price? Let\'s say...five? Good friend, you must be joking. Those babies are well worth the double. Ok, we\'ll continue this later. Bye.\"
Heero held his breath, as Watkins slowly approached him now. Only moments later, Watkins stood at the side of the rack, watching Heero and slowly tracing a finger down his back.
\"Hey gorgeous, good to see you awake. Did you have pleasant dreams?\" Watkins voice sounded amused at his own joke. Heero remained silent.
\"Ooh, I hope you\'re not uncomfortable, as you\'ll be staying here for a while. I\'m sure, we\'ll enjoy ourselves, won\'t we?\"
Heero sensed anger rising inside of him, as he listened to Watkins\' jovial voice. It made him furious. He tried to move, only to find out, that he was tied to the rack even tighter than before.
\"Why am I here?\"
\"Why?\" Watkins laughed. \"You\'re here for some fun. You\'re not enjoying yourself here?\"
\"No.\" Heero growled under grinded teeth.
Watkins\' voice suddenly sounded cruel, as he replied: \"Well, I\'ll be having a little fun here. And I tell you, I\'ll be enjoying every second of it!\"
With these words he pulled a jack-knife out of his jacket and flipped it open. Slowly he let the blade wander down Heero\'s back without cutting him. When he reached the edge of Heero\'s pants, he pushed the blade under the waist-band and started cutting the fabric off of Heero\'s body. When Watkins had finished cutting to his satisfaction, he ripped the rest of the pants apart.
Through all this Heero had remained silent. He told himself, that it could have been worse, tried to convince himself...but failed. A terrible fear build up inside of him, the same fear, that he had pushed aside since his childhood. Now it came back, even stronger, clouding his thoughts and paralyzing him. He could hear Watkins\' cruel laughter and how he opened his own pants. Only moments later Watkins stood behind Heero, grabbing him with both hands.
Heero screamed out loud, as he felt pain hit him like a bolt of lightning. This pain, together with the terrible fear inside of him, made him block everything out. He pulled his consiousness back, deep into his own mind, somewhere, where nobody could hurt him anymore.
*
Back at the boys\' house, the others had just finished dinner. Quatre took the plates, to put them in the dishwasher, but dropped them without a warning. They fell to the floor, crashing loud.
\"Hell, Quatre, what\'s wrong? You scared me half to death!\" Duo asked him.
The blonde looked at him, pure horror reflecting in his eyes. \"It\'s Heero...he...\"
Duo grabbed Quatre by the shoulders. \"What? What\'s wrong with Heero? Come on, talk to me!\"
\"Pain...so much pain... And he\'s so afraid...\" Quatre started crying.
That was enough for Duo. He shoved Quatre into Trowa\'s arms, grabbed the keys to his car and stormed off.
Only minutes later he entered the Preventers Headquarter and rushed into Lady Une\'s office. Une looked at him, slightly surprised.
\"Where is he?\"
\"Good evening, Maxwell, how can I help you?\"
\"Where is Heero?\"
\"You know the rules, I am not allowed...\"
\"F*** the rules, tell me where he is, or I\'ll get the information out of that goddamn computer myself!\"
Une looked at Duo, really surprised about this kind of behaviour. But then she turned to her computer without any further question. When she had the information on her screen, she turned it around, so Duo could read the info himself. Duo growled a \"thank you\" and left, the expressoin on his face saying \"Out of my way, or you die!\"
*
When Heero returned to consciousness, he was alone. He didn\'t know what time or date it was. His whole body hurt, and he could feel blood trickling down his legs. The only thought in his mind was now \"Escape!\". With a desperate strength he pulled at the chains. He could hear a creaking sound and seconds later his hands were free. He broke the chains at his legs, then fell to the floor as he stumbled.
A few minutes later he felt strong enough to walk. He found his way out of the room, but then he was standing on a long corridor. He stumbled forward, pushing himself along the corridor-wall.
Minutes passed until he finally found an unlocked door. He opened it and found himself in the middle of the weapon-depot, that he had been searching. Unbelieving he stared at thousands of guns, rifles, bazookas, even small rockets.
When he discovered stocks of explosives, he decided to blow the whole thing up. It took him another few minutes to prepare the explosives and install the detonator. He was just finished, when he heard a voice behind him. Watkins\' voice.
\"Hey, gorgeous, can you tell me, what you\'re doing here?\"
Heero turned around. \"My name is Heero Yui and I am here to stop you.\"
Watkins laughed. \"I knew that already. I\'m surprised you could free yourself so quickly...Now, would you please give me the remote?\"
Heero shoock is head. Watkins looked at him, then grabbed a gun and pointed it at Heero.
\"Give me the remote!\"
\"No. I will stop you, once and for all!\" Heero shouted, then moved forward, dodged Watkins and ran out of the room. Behind him he could hear Watkins curse.
Heero finally found his way upstairs. He passed the dressing rooms, grabbed some clothes and put them on. Then he continued his way to his escape. He entered the main room and found absolute silence around him, no music, no dancing people. It was empty, except for him. When he was halfway through the room, he heard Watkins behind him. He turned around to face his enemy. Caine Watkins stood there, about fifteen metres away from Heero, pointed a gun at him and fired a shot. The bullet hit Heero\'s shoulder, but he didn\'t even feel it. He looked at Watkins, then at the remote in his hands...and pressed the button.
The explosion rocked through the whole building. The force of the explosion was so enormous, that the whole building collapsed.
*
In his car, Duo could hear the explosion. He drove even faster, when he heard a second explosion. He arrived at the site only two minutes later.
It was an inferno. The building was in ruins and flames everywhere. Duo looked around, searching for Heero.
\"Heero? Heero, answer me!\"
*
\"Am I dead? Who is calling me? Ow...I can\'t be dead, my body wouldn\'t hurt that much... Can\'t breathe...\"
Heero lay under some rubble, about ten metres away from the building. The second explosion had thrown him there. He tried to breathe, but it felt like his lungs were on fire. Then he heard someone calling him again.
\"Heero?! Where are you?\"
From some distance Duo could hear someone cough. He ran to the direction and finally found Heero. He pulled him out from under the rubble and layed him down on the ground. Duo could see, that Heero was heavily wounded. His ribcage was smashed and he had deep bleeding cuts all over his body. Some moments later Heero opened his eyes and recognized Duo.
\"What are you doing here? *cough*
Duo shook his head. \"Don\'t speak, just try to breathe...\"
\"Need to *cough* tell you *cough*...\" Blood spurted over Heero\'s lips. Duo bowed down, to understand Heero better. \"What is it, Heero?\"
\"I *cough* I think...I *cough*\"
\"Yes?\"
\"I love you...\"
Duo couldn\'t believe his ears. He had finally said it! But as he looked at Heero, he realized that those three words had been a goodbye. Carefully he closed Heero\'s cobalt eyes, that had once been full of energy, but now were dull and lifeless. Heero was gone.

[...Sometimes...
Sometimes the sound of goodbye
is louder than any drumbeat...]