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Regrets Unwanted	By : CharlizeDoe Category: Gundam Wing/AC > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1208 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing/AC, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Regrets Unwanted
- 1
Just an one-shot. Something to distract me
from my stuck state in FotP. And let me tell ya, it helped.

Title: Regrets

Author: CeeDee (charlizedoe @ hotmail.com)

Archive: ? (If you want it, grab it)

Pairing: 1x2 (what else?)

Rating: NC-17 or M, what�s that with the new system?

I stick with FSK18 (German)

Warnings: Angst, Lemon

Spoilers: this takes place after EW

Feedback: yes, please, any comments welcome.

Disclaimer: Don�t own them, used characters are borrowed, only. Promise to
give them back. For fun purposes, only; no profit made.

Summary: Duo is left alone and unfortunate events cause him to take a dangerous
step.

Notes: Thank you to all who read this in my LJ and commented, and thanks to
Sakusha for catching my mistakes.

Regrets

It was beautiful.

Sitting here, on the platform in one of the two observation domes of the colony,
Duo stared out into space, his head leaning back on the backrest. If he squinted
his eyes just so, he could imagine he sat in a shuttle, piloting, or in his
Deathscythe. He loved it here. The view was soothing and one could loose himself
in it. In the dark endlessness of space.

Stars were glittering, clear to see, because of the strategically diffused
lights in the dome. The crowd of other stargazers, here during the day, now were
long gone. He knew he should make his way back home too, it was late, and Hilde
would worry as to his whereabouts. But not yet. It was rare, nowadays, that he
had the chance to get up here, to the farthest up point of the colony, to simply
let his mind wander and marvel in the beauty of space.

He had been here, with Heero once. But since then, it has been always a lonely
trip, bitter, and sad.

Heero.

Today an invitation had arrived in the mail, addressed to Hilde. An invitation
to Heero�s engagement party, his and Miss Relena Peacecraft-Darlians. The
invitation said Hilde should bring her partner. Duo had grinned at her, and
asked if he should loan Betsy his formal suit. She had swatted him on the head,
and he had made a hasty escape, laughing out loud. But once he�d reached his
room, the laugher had died in his throat. It still hurt. And the small flame of
hope, barely alive, had finally died.

Three years ago Heero had vanished. Now, it seemed he was back. Fitting, that
there was no invitation for him. Or maybe Heero still thought� he snorted.

It had all been a big misunderstanding. A life altering one.

Heero had left on a three week mission, partnered with Wufei, when Hilde had
called for Duo; she was ill and had a falling out with her girlfriend. So, he
nagged two weeks of absence out of Une, packed his duffel and went to L2.

How Heero had come to a photo of him and Hilde in bed, he still couldn�t
understand. But Heero held it in his clenched hand, accusing Duo of cheating.

In the heat of the argument Duo had admitted to sleeping with Hilde, and Heero
had turned on his heel, and left their flat before Duo could make it clear that
he had only comforted her, they had been just sleeping. No sex. Never sex. Heero
knew Duo slept in just his pyjama bottoms, and the position of the sheet only
let it seem as if they both had been nude beneath it. He couldn�t understand
how Heero had so little faith in him.

He�d let Heero go, convinced that, after Heero cooled down, and thought about
it, he would come to the conclusion that there was no way Duo would ever cheat
on him.

But Heero hadn�t come back. The next day at work had revealed that Heero had
quit his job with the Preventers and had vanished, without a trace. Without
taking anything with him. And Duo was hurt, couldn�t forgive Heero�s lack of
faith. But despite that, still had hoped Heero would return.

One year later Duo too, quit the Preventers, after being released from the
hospital, again. He�d a multitude of injuries sustained in the past year of
being partnered with incomptent agents. This one had simply been the last straw.
It hadn�t been the same anymore, without his ex-parter.

So he went back to L2, rented an apartment and worked at Hilde�s scrap-yard
again, like he�d done before Heero had convinced him to join the Preventers.
Over time, during the course of the next year, his break up stained connection
with the other three had dried out, too.

It was after the second accident, the one at the yard, that he had moved in with
Hilde and Betsy. The accident that happened exactly one year after he had
returned to L2. A bunch of scrap had come down, leaving one of his co-workers in
mortal danger. Duo had driven in the way, pushing the man aside, but had been
caught and buried under the metal. It had cost him a six week hospital stay. But
he had saved the man�s life.

That, too, had almost been a year ago. Eventually, he got back his smile, and
his wits. It was time to move on. But there were still times he went up to the
dome, and stared out into space. Like now. Dreamt of piloting. Dreamt of chances
lost.

His cell beeped and he reached down and retrieved the phone, checked for the
caller-id. Hilde. He smiled tiredly. She still worried if he strayed too long,
especially this far away from their home. He assured her of his well being and
declined the offer to come up here and get him. He was able to use public
transport on his own, thank you very much.

He sighed, as he put the phone away again. It was time to go, in more than one
way. He reached down, and giving one wheel a hard push turned his wheelchair and
rolled down the ramp.

+++++

Hilde casually held her glass of champagne and swept the room with her eyes. So
far, she had spotted Chang Wufei and Trowa Barton. They stood together near one
of the less crowded parts of the room, near the wall, observing the festivities.

A pat on her shoulder started her out of her observation, and she turned her
head. Quatre Winner stood behind her, a smile on his face.

�Hilde. How are you?� He asked, and extended his hand as she turned.

�Fine, Thank you,� she replied, and shook his hand.

�Where�s Duo?� He asked, his eyes sweeping the room. �I had hoped to see
him again.�

�Well,� she bit her lip, �then you should have come out to L2, he�s not
here.�

His face fell. �He�s not here?�

She shook her head. �No. He wasn�t invited. And even then�� she trailed
off. It was doubtful Duo would�ve come, even if he�d gotten an invitation.

He looked confused. �But isn�t he with you?�

�No,� she said, �I was invited to bring my life partner, and she�s��
Hilde let her eyes trail the room, �ah, over there at the bar.�

�She?� Quatre turned and followed Hilde�s gaze. �But we thought��

�Despite the well spread rumours,� she interrupted him sharply, �Duo and I
are good friends, like siblings, you could say. There never was and never will
be anything other between us. Especially now in his condition. And my
preferences never swung that way to begin with.� She bit her lip at her slip,
and hoped he wouldn�t pick up on that. But Quatre Winner was sharp.

�His� condition?� He gripped her arm, worry on his face. �What
condition?�

She looked at her shoes, cursing softly. �I can�t tell. I promised.�

�Hilde�� he began, but she shook her head.

�Don�t. He�s made his life without you all. He�s as happy as he can be.
Don�t go poking old wounds.�

Quatre looked at her, wide eyed. �What happened to him, please tell me.�

She wrenched her arm out of his grip, suddenly furious for her friend. Years of
bitterness, at the injustice her friend had received, surfaced. �It was a
mistake to come here,� she spat, �why do you want to know? Because you�re
all such good friends to him? Isn�t it enough, that his lover left him because
of false assumptions, or that he was shunned by you all? That he was partnered
with the worst agents the Preventers had to offer, who, more than once almost
got him killed, forcing him to quit? Or that he�s been all by himself all the
time? Alone, except for myself? Because you�re such fuckin� good friends?
Because you care so much about him?�

�But�� he tried to interrupt her, but she couldn�t stop herself. In her
tirade she had missed that his wide eyes had flickered over her shoulder to look
at someone standing behind her.

�Do you know that he saved somone a year ago, putting his own life on the line
and now he�s chained to a wheelchair because of it? Did you know?� She
hissed and shook her head. �No. Of course not. Because you all left him. Go to
hell, all of you.� She turned to walk away from him, and ran straight into a
broad chest.

Strong hands closed around her upper arms and stopped her. �What did you
say?� a hoarse voice asked.

She looked up and stared at Heero Yuy. Crap. How much had he heard? �Nothing
that�s of any concern to you, Mr. Yuy.� She narrowed her eyes. �And
congratulations on your engagement. I hope you get everything you deserve. Will
you please let me go, I want to get my girlfriend and leave this� party.�

He opened his mouth, but Quatre was faster, a hand on her shoulder. �Hilde,
please�.�

Sadly, she shook her head. �I�ve said too much already. He doesn�t need
you pity. He never wanted you to know.� She fumbled with her purse. �Oh, and
Mr. Yuy, here�s a present for your engagement. It�s from Duo. He said he
wanted you to have it and he sends his best wishes.�

She placed a small wrapped box in his palm and he stared at it, wordless. He
hesitated, before his finger slowly loosened the wrapping and revealed a small
jewelary box. Opening the lid, he took out a dainty silver chain, with a well
known worn cross hanging on it. Duo�s cross. He stared at it.

�Oh my god,� Hilde gasped, and put a hand over her mouth, �he�s done
it.�

The shattering of a glass on the floor ripped the two men out of their stunned
state, and two heads whirled around at the sound. Betsy stood there, staring at
the cross, still dangling from Heero�s fingers, mouth open and head shaking in
silent denial, and then rushed into Hilde�s arms.

They hadn�t noticed that Trowa and Wufei had come across the room, that even
Relena had left her guests to investigate the gathering around her fianc�e.

�What is it?� Wufei questioned, as they came to a stop beside the group. His
eyes fell on the chain and its pendant, dangling in Heero�s fingers. And he,
too, recognized the item. �Isn�t that Duo�s?� He asked, looking at
Heero. And frowned as he saw the pained expression in Heero�s face.

�What has Duo done,� Quatre asked softly, rubbing at his chest, �Hilde,
tell us, please.�

She swallowed and nodded, wiping her eyes, before she said in a shaky voice,
�It doesen�t matter anymore. I�ll tell you, and then I�ll damn you all
three times to hell.�

+++++

Everything was prepared. He�d packed his meager possessions, and put them in a
storerage unit at the space port, the rent was paid for a year. He left a
recording for Hilde and Betsy, explaining his reasons and wishes if anything
went wrong.

The scientist had approached him in the hospital, a year ago, shortly after the
accident. Explained the experimental procedure, the chances... and the risks.
But the risks predominated, and since he had no funds left after his stay in the
hospital, the payment of one of his a kidneys seemed high. The risk of losing
his life even higher. Hilde was against it, and didn�t really need to work
hard to convince him that this was a bad idea. He knew this on his own.

Not anymore. He�d secretly made the first appointment the day the invitation
had arrived. It was all or nothing. Be whole again or die. Okay, whole minus a
kidney.

And now it was time. Hilde and Betsy were off to Heero�s engagement, and would
be away for at least a few days. Even if they got wind of what his present to
Heero was � his last worthy possession - he would be gone before they had a
chance to stop him.

He rolled into the lab in his wheelchair, and the scientist greeted him eagerly.
Duo took in the machines, and the tube in which he would spent the next five
months. He would be suspended in a special solution, and either emerge with his
damaged nerves and spine repaired, or a corpse. The technique had been developed
from artificial wombs, the scientist had explained. He�d had some fantastic
results with damaged pets, but some discouraging as well.

Duo lay on the operating table on his stomach while the scientist opened his
back and operated and inserted cells and whatever to the damaged section of his
spine. They put sensors and diodes under his skin in several areas, whilst
technicians hurried around behind the glass walls and got on with their business
while he lay here in the sterile area, observing them. No sedatives were
necessary yet, he couldn�t feel the lower section of his body anyway.

The hardest part for him, the scientist had explained, would be the inhaling of
fluid. Similar to the ones deep divers used, he�d have to continue to breathe,
and not let himself be overwhelmed by the impression of drowning. The same
fluids his body would float in, and nourish his body, suspended in the tube. He
would be observed by computers for the next five months, sleeping, whilst the
cells would do their work, and build new nerves in exchange for the ones
damaged. Similar to the development of new life.

He felt oddly detached as he was being prodded and probed. He flexed his
fingers, saw them move, but he wasnt really aware. Ah, they were done with the
lower part of his body, and now the sensors and diodes would be stuck in the
upper part. He was grateful for the diodes. They would deliver delicate,
electrical shocks to his muscles and hold them functional whilst floating and
motionless.

He just hoped there wouldn�t be too many nightmares over his long sleep.

He was rolled over and closed his eyes � he had no desire to see what they
did. Only the results were decisive.

He must have been drifting, because the scientist�s voice roused him out of
his lethargy. Opening his eyes Duo saw the scientist standing beside him, a mask
in his hand. It was time. Duo turned his head to the screen where the readings
of his body functions were displayed, and wondered briefly how he could be this
calm.

The scientist nodded and gripped his hand, and Duo smiled and nodded in return.
No further words were necessary. The mask was lowered over his face, and fluids
ran out, and he steeled his resolve and took a deep breath as instructed. He
wrought down the momentarily panic that threatened to overwhelm him and exhaled
through his nose, and took another deep breath. It wasn�t too bad, he told
himself. If deep divers could do this, then so could he. He squeezed his eyes
shut and forced his body to calm but the urge to cough out the fluids was
maddening.

At once the feeling of drowning was gone. He could breath the fluids and he
opened his eyes in wonder. The face of the scientist was beaming, and Duo
blinked away the tears, which had unwittingly come to his eyes. And then he
became tired, and his eyes fell closed and he slept.

~~~~~

Duo woke and yawned, and stetched between the sheets without opening his eyes. A
tickling sensation fluttered over his ribs and he smiled. He peered out between
his eyelashes, and locating the one doing the deed he shot up, grabbing his
spouse and pinned him underneth his body, grinning. A kiss was shared and he
knew he never before felt this happy.

Hands roamed over his body and he nibbled at Heero�s neck, marvelling in the
feel of skin on skin and they laughed and kissed and murmured nonsensical things
to each other while slowly making love. Sated, exhausted, they cuddled against
each other, entwined they went back to sleep.

~~~~~

It was cold, as he woke in the dark. He was curled in a tight ball and he
suppressed the shiver which would cause the papers he was covered with for
warmth, to rustle. Silence was essential, especially since he still did not know
what it was that had woken him up. Draggingly footsteps came nearer, and he
heard the cling from a bottle and a thud and a rustle as the person slumped down
to the ground near him.

He held still, hardly daring to breath. The person muttered under his breath,
made a few gulping sounds, and was soon snoring. Duo dared to peek out between
the folds of the papers, and observed the alley. It was just old Ben, one of the
many poor souls, like himself, finally finding a place to settle for the night.
He sighed and shifted slightly on the hard concrete, curling his arms around the
battered brown teddy he had found in a dumpster, and went back to sleep.

~~~~~

He was running, his breath harsh in his ears, and he did not know what he was
running from, but he knew he couldn�t stop. A few feet in front of him a
person was running, too, and a name came to his mind. Solo. He had to catch him,
he knew. A sense of urgency was driving him forward, but as hard and fast as he
ran; the other one was still a few feet in front of him. In a desperate attempt
he gathered all his strength and burst forward, but suddenly there was nothing
beneth his feet and he fell in a dark void.

~~~~~

He came up, gasping for air, and swam to the rim of the pool. The others were
laughing, as was Heero, who had pushed him into the pool. The sun was shining,
and the weather was cool, a welcome change from the summers heat. Quatre and
Trowa stood on the other side, Trowa smirking and Quatre was doubled over, he
was laughing so hard. Duo pretended to declare defeat as he leisurely hung on
the rim where Heero stood, but suddenly came up and gripped Heero�s ankle and
gave it a sharp tug.

He laughed out loud at Heero�s face of surprise as he lost his balance and
inelegantly toppled into the water with a loud splash.

~~~~~

The lab was eerily silent, except for the quiet beeping of the machines
monitoring the life floating in the tube. One of the lab scientists stopped to
check on the monitors, wrote down a few things on his chart, and looked up to
the lone body floating in front of him. He wondered if the man dreamt, and
silently hoped that he did. He wished the man well, and quietly went on with his
work.

+++++

It had been a matter of trust.

Heero knew that. And it was hard to trust someone with your feelings, especially
if you didn�t trust them yourself. But he had finally trusted Duo with his
feelings, and Duo had betrayed that trust. Or so he�d thought. Since then
he�d never trusted someone with that again. Not even Relena. Relena, who�d
convinced him to marry her. Relena, who had coaxed him back, welcomed him with
open arms, sympathetic, unconditional, selfless. Or so he�d thought.

Until the evening of their engagement. Until Hilde came and pulled the wool from
his eyes. How could he have been so blind? But he had trusted the photo and
never once questioned its origin. A surveillance photo. A base was a base, a
tree was a tree, wasn�t it? It never crossed his mind, that two people in bed
didn�t necesarrily mean sex. No, that�s not true. But he�d been too young,
too unsure of human interactions, too vulnerable. And at the first sign of
possible betrayal, he�d turn and run.

Too hurt, too confused by the thought of Duo and Hilde together. At the sight of
the print, the print of Duo, leaning over Hilde, in the motion of kissing her.
And on Duo�s admission of sleeping with her, he had blocked everything else
out; the pain had been so overwhelming, he�d thought he would die. And, in a
way, he had.

He had locked himself away, and hid. Only as someone from Relena�s staff, by
chance, had stumbled over him in the coffee shop where he was working, had he
come out of hiding again. The staff member had recognized him, had, unbeknownst
to him, called her boss, and by his next shift, there was Relena, understanding,
friendly, and reaching out to him. And had swallowed him whole.

Damn, he had been so insecure, and that had been their downfall. Insecure of
Duo. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. And in that, he had let Duo down.
Revoked his trust. He saw it clearly now. After years of working in different
places, with different people. Observing their interaction and listening into
their conversations. After he had all the facts. Hilde�s story. The pieces of
the puzzle finally had fallen into place.

Quatre had been crushed, too. His failure of not learning all the facts, the
failure of being the friend he thought he was. He�d admitted interpreting
Duo�s silence about the break up as an admission of guilt. Blameing him for
driving Heero away from them all. And seeing Trowa�s and Wufei�s faces was
enough to know they�d thought in similar ways. And Duo never had volunteered
details.

God, what had he done to Duo? To them both. He�d been so stupid. Nothing of
all this would have happened if he�d been more mature, had learned the lessons
Duo had tried to teach him. He cursed Odin, cursed J.

And he only knew one person who�d could possibly be the cause of all this,
would have an overt interest in his life. The one who�d use the fallout to
their own favour. The person who stood by at Hilde�s description of Duo�s
life during these last years. Stood by and gasped at the right places, and took
it all in with a perfectly sympathetic, diplomatic face.

It had taken a week to search through Relena�s files, but he�d found the
many surveillance reports of his and Duo�s time together. And it�d thrown
him back in time, painfully ripped open the wounds of his own making. Brought
him aware again of what he�d carelessly thrown away.

And he�d found the disk with the rest of the photos from which he�d only
seen one print. Out of the context it looked compromising, yes, but all
together? He looked at the photos and could only acknowledge the truth of
Hilde�s story. There was Duo, caring for and comforting a friend clearly
gripped in fever dreams.

It didn�t matter if Relena protested his accusation of her being the one
acting for selfish reasons, breaking them apart. That she denied being the one
that played that picture into his hands, promising to investigate who had.

He broke the engagement.

And now he was here on L2, searching for the scientist, searching for this lab,
searching for Duo. He knew he had to make his regrets known to Duo, beg for his
forgiveness. He just hoped it wasn�t too late. Hilde had told them the deal
and explained to them the procedure Duo would undergo. Had called with
confirmation that Duo was indeed gone.

He still loved him.

And it still hurt. But now it hurt for different reasons.

A beep from his laptop alerted him that it had finished its search and he read the results.
Slightly changing the parameters, he started over again, as the last search had
not come up with the wished marks.

He fingered the cross around his neck. He had to find Duo.

+++++

The search had turned up Duo�s things at the space port, but nothing more.
He�d covered his tracks too well.

It was time to approach the search from an other angle. Wufei and Trowa had
investigated at the hospital, questioned the staff, and found a trail of the
scientist. But only a description of him, nothing more. They broke into hospital
records and lifted the dates of patients with similar injuries. And landed a
hit.

One of them still had the card with a contact address. It didn�t take long
after that until finally they stood at the lab. Five weeks had gone by.

And now Heero stood in front of the tube, eyes never leaving the motionless
body, afloat in fluid, like in the vacuum of space, chestnut hair suspended in
long big waves floating around it. The body in the tank was flawless, alabaster
skin reflecting the lights of the machines observing its functions. The face
once heart shaped and boyish, now matured in the lines of adulthood, never
before looked this beautiful to him. Skin, tight over well muscled flesh, lips,
full and rosy, slightly opened, and lids with long lashes covered the beautiful,
big eyes, once so full of expression. Now closed in artificial sleep. For four
more months.

He only heard halfway the enthiuastic brabble of the scientist standing at their
side, too captured by the sight in front of him.

+++++

Quatre stood and studied the screens, shoulders hunched. It never should have
come to this. They shouldn�t have let Duo drift out of their lives. Damn.
He�d never even known of Duo�s accident which had left him unable to walk.
His eyes glid over the tube with their� friend in it. He opened his senses and
gasped at the onslought of emotions, coming not from Duo, but Heero. Regret,
love, dispair, hope� struggling to bring his shields back up, he walked over
to the scientist and gripped his arm, tugged him aside.

There was no question that he would provide anything that Duo needed. Money was
no object. No one would take anything more from Duo. He would keep his kidneys.

The scientist explained the procedere in detail. Nothing could be done until the
time was right and the machines signaled the end of the process. The nerves, if
successful, would regrow to replace the disrupted connection and would lead
impulses which the sensors would detect. Then the body would be retrieved and
reanimated from the sleep. Here lay the biggest risk. Former experiments proved
to fail in this part.

But Duo was strong, the monitoring so far showed no signs of any failure, while
the deceased animals at this stage had shown disruptions in nourishment or brain
damage. He was confident.

+++++

It was time.

Heero paced the lab, impatient, nervous, and afraid.

He�d spent most of his free time here, staring at Duo, beating himself up
mentally. His once legendary control was gone, worn down in the face of what ifs
and should have, and the ever present guilt.

Quatre had provided a team of trauma experts, and Sally had come, too. They had
studied data of past experiments, the monitoring, discussed the waking process,
and came up with the best possible equipment and knowledge.

They had done everything possible for Duo to come out of this alive.

He was startled by the sudden activity in the lab, hurrying people, the barking
of voices, and swoosh of fluids being disposed of.

He saw them lifting Duo onto a lab table and applying new devices and
disconnecting old ones. Duo convulsed and cramped, and they shouted, and Heero
sank down against the wall to the floor, hands clenched in fists, tears
streaming down his face, eyes wide and unable to look away.

The machines beeped and screached in his ears and he said to himself as long as
there was noise it would be okay. But they took so long. So terribly long. And
Duo convulsed again and again, and then it was quiet.

He heard hushed voices, but he couldn�t understand them over the rush of the
blood in his ears. He watched, anxious, as they lifted a white sheet over
Duo�s body, and he held his breath, and released it with a sob as they stopped
short of his head. He was alive.

Duo was alive.

Sally crouched in front of him and he hadn�t even noticed her coming near him.
He lifted his eyes and she smiled, and nodded, reassuring him that the
experiment had gone well. Duo would live. He�d been coherent. Had complained
of his legs hurting.

Heero let out a laugh sounding more than a sob and he grabbed her and buried his
head in her shoulder and wept and laughed at the same time, and she patted his
back, and it was okay. Something in him had broken down in the past months, and
he felt free of burdens he�d never known were there.

But then the fear hit.

How would Duo react? To him, to the others? What if� But he painfuly came
aware of the fact that it didn�t matter. Only Duo being well again mattered.
And everything else was Duo�s decision. Wronged, only he alone was able to
forgive and Heero would accept his decision.

Whatever it was.

+++++

I don�t want your regrets.

The words still echoed in Heero�s ears.

Duo had recovered well, and while he was warm and cheery with Hilde and Betsy
during the time he relearned to use his legs, he was reserved to everyone else
when they�d visited. It hurt. He�d thanked Quatre for covering the funds
which enabled him to keep his kidney, but insisted on paying him back. With
interest. Quatre had swallowed and nodded.

He�d furrowed his brows when he heard of the cancelled engagement, but that
had been his only reaction. He�d accepted Heero�s apologies, and listened to
the attempts to explain, but no emotion had shown on his face or in his eyes.
His beautiful blue eyes. But no hurt, no pain, no accusation, or remorse, anger
or even hate was in them. They�d seemed like the eyes of a beautiful doll.

And any conversations were short and to the point, or friendly and superficial.
He spoke to them like to any other stranger. Sometimes it seemed Duo was more
involved when he spoke to the scientist. Discussing the experiment, the progress
Duo made.

And one day, when Heero came to the lab, Duo was gone.

He�d stood in the door of the room and felt empty. As empty as the room was.
He knew then, he�d blown any chance he might have had to reclaim Duo, if only
as a friend. Everything what was left were his regrets.

+++++

Heero closed the lid to his laptop with a sigh and got up as the doorbell rang.
He�d just been in the motion of finishing his last entry.

After Duo had left, he was lost. He�d left L2 and went back to earth, but
didn�t hide this time. He made sure all of his friends had his address and
number and emailed them regularly. Even Hilde, who slowly had begun to forgive
him. Sometimes, she even answered.

Eight months had gone past since Duo had vanished. Shortly after, Heero had
settled down and started to work for a computer company. He�d begun to keep an
online-journal as well, had forwarded the link to Duo�s last known email
account. The mail hadn�t bounced back, so he hoped it had arrived, although he
got no confirmation back. Duo was clever and would know how to avoid that, if he
wanted to.

He made entries reguarly, and sometimes wondered at himself how open and
unconcerned he wrote down his thoughts and experiences. But if Duo read them, it
was well worth it. He�d know that Heero had changed and was waiting for a
sign. Wishing for friendship, at the very least.

Opening the door he stared.

Duo stood there, looking healthy, tanned, beautiful, and radiating confidence.
Reaching out he touched Heero�s chin to close his mouth, and grinned.

�Hi, I�m Duo. I�ve been reading this online journal for some time now. The
journal of a man I�d like to get to know better.�

+++++

Duo woke and yawned, and stretched between the sheets without opening his eyes.
A tickling sensation fluttered over his ribs and he smiled. He peered out
between his eyelashes, located the one doing the deed and shot up, grabbing is
lover and pinned him underneth his body, grinning. A kiss was shared and he knew
he never before felt this happy.

Hands roamed over his body and he nibbled at Heero�s neck, marvelling in the
feel of skin on skin and they laughed and kissed and murmured nonsensical things
to each other. He took one of Heero�s nipples between his teeth and tugged
softly. While worrying it with his tongue, he reached down to stroke the stiff
sex he found there. He never could get enough of the sounds Heero made.

He hissed as a slippery hand grabbed his own hard cock and stroked, coating him
with lube and a leg nudged him to roll over on his back. �Impatient today?�
He murmured, letting go of the nipple with a smacking sound and obediently
rolled over as Heero made an agreeing sound.

He was straddled at once, and then Heero leaned down and kissed him deeply,
while his cock was gripped anew and guided to the tight ring of muscles above.
Heero came down slowly and he felt the tight muscle give way as Heero slowly
impaled himself. �Oh yeah, baby,� Duo moaned at the sensation of his cock
being swallowed in one slow motion. Heero gasped and began to rock over him in a
leisurely pace, nipping on his jaw and deepening his pushes, breath becoming
shallow and harsh.

The pace speed up and Duo panted, gripped Heero�s neck and tugged him down
again for a now breathless kiss, while angling between them for Heero�s cock
and beginning to stroke, fast, hard, wild. Heero hissed and bucked in his hand,
loosing his rhythm, and Duo groaned in return, blood pounding in his ears. Heero
sat up, throwing his head back and letting out a low drawn moan.

Duo rammed his cock into him, hard and rapid, until he thought his balls, too,
would vanish into Heero above him, and he could feel Heero falter. He speed up
more, pushed faster in short, hard, bursts and tightened his grip and Heero
stiffened, mouth open and cum shot out of his cock. He bucked and shuddered
above him and he let out a low keening sound. Duo laughed, breathless, and
gasped for air as he gave a few last pushes and gripped Heero�s hips and his
own cock exploded. He thought he saw stars as he came with a jolt, deep and hard
into Heero. He shouted, bucking a few times with spasms of pleasure and finally
slumped back, quivering and gasping for air.

He glanced up, looking at Heero, suspended above him on one trembling arm, face
serious, his other hand pushing sweaty strands of hair out of Duo�s face.
�Stay with me?�

Dou smiled. It was a ritual Heero repeated in the last year, as often as the
mood hit him. �As long as you stay with me� was his answer.

Heero nodded and kissed him deeply. That was all Duo wanted from him. Nothing
else; regrets unwanted.

+++++

Fini
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Regrets Unwanted