If Only...

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam SEED
In Dearka\'s PoV
* = thoughts
~=the voice in his head
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I stood next to Miriallia still in my pilot suit. It was trueI had left ZAFT, but I couldn\'t let her be unprotected.I stared at the two gundams, as the two pilots desended towards the ground.My hair rustled in the strange breeze.I noticed one of them wore a ZAFT suit, like mine. Was it possible that I knew the person?

Miriallia glanced up at me,\"Dearka?\"She said,\"Hey Dearka anyone home?\"She repeated.

I shookmy head retreating frommy thoughts.\"Huh?\"I looked down into her crystal blue eyes.I asked,my gaze wandering back to the pilots.

\"You seemed to be out of it, Arka is everything alright?\"She called me the nickname she thought was cute. In reality it was the one Athrun had called me to get on my nerves.

I smiled slightly,\"Ya Mirr, everything is fine.\"I scowled quietly, *No one calls me that but Athrun Zala.* The thought creeped into my mind with out me really noticing.

The pilot stood across from the other, a good distance away. His gloved hands took off his helmet, green eyes staring at the other. Shoulder length blue hair whisped around his face making me gasp.\"Athrun!\"I said a little too loudly, getting weird looks from many of the crew of the Archangel. I shut up right away and stared intently at the boy.

\"Kira!\"I could hear his voice from where I stood. *Who was kira?* I thought in awe, staring at the young boy who was once my commanding officer.I ran my fingers through my blonde hair with a sigh, there was going to be a huge questioning by Athrun I knew it. He\'d want to know why I\'m with the legged ship, that we\'d tried to take down many times before. \"Kira Yamato, tell me in your own words why you are fighting with them!\"He pointed to the group of people I was in.

I kept quiet, wanting to hear the rest of the conversation, that is until a blonde girl, who i presumed was Cagalli Yula Attha, ran towards them. I personally thought it was odd, but maybe they knew each other. I looked away as she hugged the two, for some reason not wanting to see Athrun in her embrace, *it would be far much better if he were in mine.* I stopped and gasped, *what am I thinking? I don\'t like Athrun that\'s just silly. *I reminded myself shaking my head.

\"Hey you two, this is no way to greet each other.\" I heard the girls voice say in a unusually perky tone. I glanced up and Athrun had a look on his face, it was one indicating he had deep feelings for her.

\"Cagalli.\" He had said quietly and full of love, making my heart beat faster, it was true he loved her! I Turned and stared towards the Archangel not wanting to be here, I had a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach, and I had to figure out what was happening. *Since when did I like males?*~You liked Yzak.~A voice in my head reminded me. I shook my head and walked faster.

\"Arka!\"Mirr Shouted to me when she realised I was gone from her side. I stopped and turned, seeing Athrun now srating at me.

\"Shit.\"I muttered turning around and sprinting towards the legged ship.\"Mirr, Leave me alone!\"I shouted at her.

\"Arka.\"She stopped staring at me as I looked back,\"arka what\'s wrong with you?\"She asked in a yell. She approched me.

I swatted her away,\"I don\'t feel to well, I think I\'m coming down with something.\"I lied to the sweet girl who had become very close and dear to me. And until Athrun showed up, loved.

She stared at me funny obviously knowing it was practicly Impossible for a coordinator like myself catch something. She looked hurt, \"yes of course, You should get plently of bedrest then Arka.\"She beamed up at my, making me feel sick. I nodded and faked a smile.\"Promise, you\'ll get bedrest?\"She asked me.

I nodded,\"Promise.\"I turned and headed back towards the ship, my mind a swirling vortex of befuddlement.

I heard Athrun call my name but, I didn\'t turn back I just ran. I could feel the eyes of everyone else on me.~You liked Yzak.~The voice reminded me in it\'s taunting tone. *But Yzak was different, he was my best friend, that kiss we had ment nothing!*~ Really? Nothing at all? You have no feelings for him? It was you who kissed him, and yet he didn\'t kiss back.~* But-* I said nothing more as I walked into my room, the captain of the ship had gave me. I couldn\'t reply to that, I couldn\'t argue with the truth. I collapsed on my bed and closed my Violet eyes tightly.\"I\'m not gay.\"I whispered into the room covering my head with the pillow.


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\"Athrun?\"Cagalli\'s voice echoed in his head.\"Did you know that guy?\"She asked quietly.
He smiled slightly and looked to Kira,\"He\'s a friend of mine.\"He looked around quietly.\"His name\'s Dearka Elsmen pilot of the Buster mobile suit.\"His green eyes stared where the boy had went.*Why was he acting so strange? It\'s not like Dearka to run off like that. The last time I saw that look on his face was when I caught Yzak and him making out in their room. *


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I sat up and looked around,\"What time is it?\"I murmered realising I drifted off. Standing up from the bed I walked over to a clock on the small dresser in the room. Seeing I had only been asleep for two hours I yawned and walked out of the room wearing the red jacket I had been given to wear.Upon walking out of my room I had ran smack into someone making me topple to the ground. I sat there for a moment, in a daze.

\"Hey Arka you ok?\"A familliar voice asked. I looked up my Violet eyes found staring into the emerald of my hearts desire. I stared dumbly for a minute.

\"Uhh Zala, Yes I\'m fine.\"I glanced away quickly no longer to stare in his questioning gaze, I knew he saw the longing in my eyes.

He held out a hand to help me up,\"Well then Arka, let me help you up.\"He had a smile on his face, oh how I hated his stupidity. He kept helping me like nothing was wrong, maybe he didn\'t know I wanted to take his lips in mine.

I grumbled something and stood up pushing his hand away,\"no thanks, Zala.\"I hissed through my teeth and started to walk away.

\"Why are you on the archangel?\"He blurted out as I had gotten closer towards my destination. I was going to hide out in the Buster for a while but I guess he was going to question me.

\"I was taken prisoner.\"I said not looking back at the blue haired boy.\"They had me surrounded so I surrendered.\"

I heard nothing from Athrun for a few moments,\"I see, but why do you remain here? You are no longer a prisoner as you walk around the ship.\"

I sighed,\"I\'m protecting someone dear to me.\"I turned,\"Athrun why didn\'t you attack the legged ship? And why are you now aboard this vessle?\"

\"The exact same reason as you.\"He said looking me in the eyes.

\"I bet I know who this person is.\"I said walking back towards him and stopping not far away.\"She has three names, Cagalli Yula Attha. Am I correct Zala?\"

He sighed and stared at me. I stopped once again caught in the green orbs. I stared into them waiting for a answer.\"No it\'s not Cagalli, it\'s someone else.\"He turned his head breaking eye contact with me I sighed,\"Arka?\"

I paused,\"Yes Athrun?\"I tilted my head in confusion.\"What is it?\"

\"You didn\'t call me Zala\"He said with a little smile.\"Just wanted you to know,Yzak is alright,I know you two were...\"His voice trailed off, and it was my turn to smile.

\"No it was nothing, I honest and truely have no feeling for him, it\'s someone else I have feelings for.\"

He rose a eyebrow,\"Elsmen do I know this person?\"He seemed curious, I found it odd he was asking.I folded my arms across my chest, and looked at him as if meaning to say \'of course\'.\"Arka,\"He turned,\"Is it me?\"I stopped eyes widened, how had he figured it out? I backed up and turned.

\"Zala, I, err, I gotta go.\"I said and started to run off.Until that is I felt a hand grasp my arm,I turned,\"What do ya think you\'re doing Zala?\"

I stared into Athrun\'s eyes once more,\"Dearka, am I this person?\"He asked again. I stared in his eyes and gulped.

\"N-No Athrun it\'s-\"I looked away, There was no way in hell I could Lie while looking in his eyes.\"No Athrun it\'s not you.\"I said almost whimpering.

\"Look at me then and tell me that,\"I turned my head and went to say it again as his lips brushed against mine. My eyes widened and I didn\'t say anything at first, to stunned to think.

\"Wha? Zala what\'s the meaning of this?\"I asked him curiously.I felt his lips this time take mine as he roughly pushed me against a wall. My eyes were widened, and I was confused. Didn\'t he love Cagalli? What was he doing?

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Did you like it?Was it good or bad? It\'s my first time writing a Yoai so I hope it\'s good. Please R&R