Playing With Fire

Title: Playing With Fire
Author: Mint Pizza Queen
Archived: Posted in my Writing Journal as well as my regular online journal/blog.
Summary: Edward has reached his life-long goal of restoring his brother. Now he has a new goal: Help Roy Mustang become the Furher. Trouble and romance popping up like weeds feeding off of Miracle Grow.
Rating: NC-17; M/M, yaoi, shonen-ai, slightly AU, anal, oral, M/M/M implications later on, although they aren\'t sexual..
Pairings: Roy/Ed, Al/Winry, Gracia/Hughes, Riza/Havoc
Author Notes: Yaoi, yaoi, yaoi. Can’t say it enough. There may be some threesome implications, but not much. Al is restored in this, yet Edward is not. Maes Hughes hasn’t been killed, and some OOC-ness in parts. This story may not seem NC-17 at first, but as the story progresses you\'ll see why.
Disclaimer: I don’t own FMA, and I don’t make any money off this.

Chapter 1
Roy Mustang didn’t know whether he should’ve been annoyed or amused, but one thing was for sure: Fullmetal was going to get his ass interrogated for leaving half of his latest mission’s report incomplete. The half that he did write up was a full-fledged Edward Elric rant about ‘cheapskate bastards that own God complexes’. Typical, neh?

It was the same conventional type of day at the office for the man; it seemed that nothing ever changed around there. He was stuck in his office at the wee hours of the evening working on overdue paperwork that his First Lieutenant had oh-so kindly decided to remind him of by bombing them onto his desk during coffee break, and he was still not even a quarter of the way completed.

Usually, by now he would be back at his comfortable house lounging about in his trousers reading the paper or just snoozing, but Hawkeye had warned him that until the paperwork was caught up to schedule, there would be absolutely no more procrastinating or else he would face the punishment she had schemed for him. He mentally cursed the day that Hughes walked in with those bloody photos of him on his porch with a newspaper spread across his chest and him in his boxers, snoozing.

Looking back at the report that was filled with chicken scratch, he sighed. While he was going around not getting anything done, he sat here complaining about how one certain alchemist refused to finish his report. ‘Ironic,’ he mused.

There was a gentle tapping at the door. “Come in.”

”Sir.” Damn it all, woman, haven’t you given me enough of that bloody paperwork that should be used for kindling? “Edward Elric is here to see you, sir. He says that it’s urgent.”

”Urgent?” The man raised an eyebrow as he fiddled with the corner of the file. It couldn’t be about the report, Fullmetal never returns to the office about an unfinished report. In fact, Edward merely avoids coming to the office all the time. Whatever this situation was, it was enough to send the boy back, and that worried the Colonel. “Send him in.”

Hawkeye bowed as she stepped out of the room, and no more than a second later, the blonde alchemist charged into the room like a mad bull.

“Bastard Colonel! We need to talk.”

Fullmetal kicked the door closed as his hands flew in all directions as the mother of all rants commenced. “I can’t take it anymore! You have got to change things around here, or there’s going to be hell to pay!”

Roy watched with interest, awaiting the cause of this predicament to surface. When the boy stayed silent for a good moment, he spoke up picking his words careful as to avoid provoking the boy further. “What’s wrong? What can’t you take anymore? If it’s about the missions, they can’t be that bad—“

”It isn’t the missions,” Fullmetal mumbled agitatedly, “It’s Hughes.”

”Hughes?” Roy parroted with confusion obvious in his tone.

“Yes, Hughes! You have got to tell that man to stop with those damn pictures or I’ll transmute them into a pile of confetti!”

Roy blinked. He could tell that Fullmetal was waiting for a reaction, yet his mind was blank. He was unsure of whether to bash the boy on the head for making him believe that this situation was serious or laugh for the fact that it was because of Hughes and his photo obsession.

He chose choice ‘b’.

“What’s so damn funny!?” The short alchemist fumed, “I hardly see the humor in this! Everytime I get back from a mission that damn idiot shoves about a thousand of those things in my face before I even got a chance to get off the train!”

“Pardon me for saying this, but, Fullmetal, don’t you think you could’ve told him yourself that it’s annoying and to stop doing it?” Roy laced his fingers and leaned on them casually, pleased with the lightened mood in the room.

“Well, I have told him to stop, but then my brother is all ‘but nii-san, he’s only being a good father and wants to spread the love’. Screw the love! Al can have it all.” The chibi formed a fist and shook it in front of his face to emphasize his point. Wait, was that a vein popping out of his forehead?

Roy chuckled. “Well, you could offer him an hour or so of your time while you’re here to go through the pictures. He loves to show them off, as you can see.”

”Obviously.” Fullmetal grumbled. He then did a double take. “Offer my time to him!? Are you nuts!? He’d probably put the clocks on hold so I’d be stuck there for a good three months! I am not, and I repeat, not in any way, shape or form going to give him my time for a bunch of pictures I’ve seen over a million times already!”

”He gave you his time when it came to researching the Philosopher’s Stone,” Roy felt he needed to point out to defend his lifelong friend. True, seeing the pictures repeatedly may be irking, but it just goes to show everyone that he’s a loving father who likes to prove to everyone that they are loved one way or another by him and his family.

“I—” The Colonel felt a smirk twinge at his lips. Fullmetal’s finger he was pointing at the ceiling with seemed to wither under the statement. “I hate you,” he finally seethed.

“Good to know,” Roy picked up the mission report that the boy had handed in previously and waved it. “Now, if that is all, we need to talk about this.”

The Colonel saw a blonde eyebrow raise itself agitatedly. “What about it?”

”You didn’t finish it.”

”There was nothing there!” Fullmetal flopped onto the couch and crossed his arms, “The so called ‘Plant Alchemist’ wasn’t there! In fact, there was nothing there but a bunch of rundown buildings and a group of thugs that decided that I wasn’t a State Alchemist but a prostitute in disguise.”

Roy raised an eyebrow. “What happened? Did they try anything?”

”One guy tried to steal my pants so could get to be, but I whammed him in the crotch with my automail foot.” There was a malicious grin on his face. “Last I saw of him he was on the ground in fetal position crying out to his mommy. The other guys looked horrified.”

The Colonel resisted all temptation to smack himself on the face. “Anything else I should know about that you didn’t include in this report?”

“Yeah, you guys have got to put cushions on those trains. My ass is still sore from that ride.” At that comment, Fullmetal seemed to sink into the couch as if claiming it to be his own.

A roll of the eyes. “I meant about the town itself, not the train ride. I know the train rides are brutal, but I can’t help that.”

”The Furher probably has overstuffed leather chairs and a personal maid on his train rides.”

”Wouldn’t surprise me,” Roy slipped out unconsciously. To regain some sort of self-control, he stood up. “Well, I guess that takes care of that.”

”Takes care of what?! You didn’t even yell at Hughes! He’s waiting for me outside, I know it!” Fullmetal climbed to his feet, walked over to the window, and peered out. “He’s probably hiding in the bushes waiting to attack at any given moment. Damn it, I wish Al wasn’t in Resembool, he could distract the man while I made a quick escape.”

“Ooooooooh Rooooooy!” A singsong voice came from the doorway.

Roy looked up surprised, but his attention was quickly driven back to Fullmetal who had squeaked in surprise as he jumped a good three feet in the air and took off towards the exit only to be caught by the man.

”Heeeey Ed! Fancy meeting you here! I got a ton of pictures to show you, are you ready?”

There was a dismayed expression on Fullmetal’s face. “No,” he whimpered, only to release a half strangled cry when he was dragged by the collar of his shirt to the couch.

”Of course you’re not ready! We don’t have Roy with us yet! We also have to be sitting at the couch so all three of us can absorb Elysia’s cuteness!” Hughes gushed with little pink hearts floating around his head. Fullmetal’s eye twitched.

“Uh, Hughes,” Roy took a seat at his desk to avoid being dragged to the couch. “Fullmetal and I were having a very important discussion, and are not through yet. You have to make this extremely quick because I still have a lot of work to do, same goes for him.”

Hughes’ expression fell. “Well, I came by to show you the new pictures I took of Elysia today. She had her first pony ride today! She was so adorable!” Hughes began to gush again, same pink hearts floating out of nowhere. Fullmetal inched away from the man

“Is there anything important that you needed to tell us?” Roy asked. As much as he wanted to be distracted from paperwork, he didn’t really need to be shot today by the First Lieutenant for not getting at least a quarter of the stack completed.

”Well, there was one thing.” Hughes reached into his jacket, pulled out an envelope, and handed it to Fullmetal. “Your brother sent this. Why to my house, is beyond me, seeing as how you have your own military inbox and all. Nevertheless, I wanted to give this to you. I was coming here to give this to Roy because after all, he sees you more than I do—“

”I wouldn’t say that,” Fullmetal grumbled as he carefully opened the envelope.

”—so, there you go! That’s all!” The smile on the man’s face blinded Fullmetal, who blinked back the spots before his eyes. “See you two around!” With that, he skipped out of the office and closed the door with a click.

Roy let out a breath of relief. They were lucky this time; usually the man would stay around for a good thirty minutes more gushing about Elysia as he was attempting to brief Roy on any important news. “We’re lucky this time, he left quicker than usual.”

”Aw, you have got to be kidding me.” Fullmetal’s distraught voice broke Roy out of his thoughts.

”What’s wrong?”

Fullmetal waved the letter that was written in his brother’s familiar scroll. “Al is going to be staying in Resembool permanently! He’s decided to settle down with Winry and start his life anew.”

”And…what’s wrong with that? He’s happy now.”

“I know he’s happy, but I’ll be stuck here and not there so I can keep an eye on him. I’ll be alone on my missions and I can’t cook worth a crap!”

”You’ve been on missions alone since you restored him three months ago,” Roy raised a questioning eyebrow, “why would it suddenly matter?”

”Because—“ the boy folded the letter and shoved it into his pocket, “before he was just reintroduced to his human body. He didn’t know how to work his arms or legs, or anything! Now he does, and is just like he was before, he was capable of going on missions with me. But now he’s settling in with Winry and ditching me!”

”Now that’s a little extreme to say, Fullmetal,” the man started as he scribbled his signature onto a form and placed it on his ‘completed’ pile, “I would have to say it’s a little selfish of you to say that. After all, he’s been through a lot, you included, and he should have a chance to live the life he missed while in the armor and catch up with everything. Ditching isn’t exactly a correct term for this; it’s more like—waiting.”

Fullmetal’s eyes clouded over when Roy’s statement hit him. His eyes traveled to the floor. “Yeah, I guess you’re right—I am selfish.” He sighed. “But…waiting?”

”He wants you to go back.” Roy proceeded bluntly. “He wants his brother.”

“I know that! But I can’t see myself leaving the military anytime soon! After all, I’m a major point of power here.” Fullmetal waved a finger in the air in circles. “Damn it all.”

“Until you can leave, can’t you just go and visit him each time you’re free? Write letters? Call? Telegram?”

The golden eyes bored into his. “It’s not the same as being with him. I feel like I’m slacking off on my duty as a brother--”

”You’re not,” Roy laced his fingers once more and put on a thoughtful expression, “if you were slacking off you wouldn’t be worrying about this like a mother hen. Now relax. You’ll give yourself an ulcer.”

”Been there, done that.”

Roy chuckled.

“Oh, and thanks.”

“What for?”

Fullmetal gave a sheepish grin. “For saving me from Hughes and his blasted pictures. I probably would’ve been strangling him or myself right about now.”

”No problem. See you later.”

Fullmetal rose from the couch and proceeded to the door only to pause when the Colonel spoke up again. “If you need a place to eat, you’re welcome to come to my house for dinner or lunch. I don’t make breakfast; I usually grab something on the way here.”

Roy waited for a response, which was a half-hearted grin. “Thanks, I’ll remember that offer.” Fullmetal opened the door and walked out closing it behind him without slamming it.

The Colonel stared at the door for a moment, before turning to look out the window. He looked down below to see Fullmetal walking down the path towards the main part of the city.

He smiled.


* * *


It was almost ten in the evening when Roy decided that enough was enough and declared to Hawkeye that he was going home. Of course, he was mightily surprised when she agreed that they should all return to their dorms or homes and get some rest for the ‘busy day of work ahead of us tomorrow’.

That part didn’t surprise him one bit.

He figured that with a woman like her, her first priority would’ve been to point the revolver at his head and order him to sit his ass back down and finish another quarter of the pile before she went trigger-happy. But Hawkeye, as predictable as they thought she was, surprised them all with the nod and agreement.

They learned later on, however, the reason why she didn’t go trigger-happy was that she forgot to load the revolvers before arriving to work and had gone the entire day without bullets in her guns.

Roy plucked the car keys out of his coat pocket as he walked down the stairway to the parking lot. He bowed his head politely as a General walked by, and murmured a ‘good evening’.

He reached his car and unlocked it when he heard footsteps behind him. He whirled around, gloves ready to snap when he nearly fell over in embarrassment. “Fullmetal, it’s you.”

“Who did you expect? Riza?”

“A little,” Roy admitted as he opened the door, “Need a ride?”

”A ride would be nice, seeing as how I have no idea where you live.”

Roy nearly broke the steering wheel off the car. “Eh?”

Fullmetal rolled his eyes. “Forgotten already, Colonel? I’m taking up on your offer.”

Roy jumped. “Oh! The offer; well, hop in then.” He reached across the passenger seat and unlocked the door, allowing Fullmetal to climb into the seat.

“So, how far away is your house?” Fullmetal asked as he buckled his seatbelt and tested it.

”Not far,” Roy answered as he started the car, “about ten minutes or so. What made you take up my offer?”

There was a loud gurgling noise and Roy stared at Fullmetal’s stomach. The boy grinned and his cheeks reddened as he patted his stomach, of which was protesting to the boy for not feeding it on time. “I’m hungry.”

The Colonel laughed as he pulled out of the parking lot.

There was a silence between the two for a good five minutes. Roy occasionally looked over to Fullmetal, whom was staring drearily out the window at the passing trees and houses. The boy’s eyes were half-lidded, appearing about ready to close and declare it a day and force the boy to shut down for the night. There were occasional jerks where Fullmetal would shake his head a little to keep himself from falling asleep.

“Tired?”

Fullmetal jerked so he was fully alert. “No.”

”You keep dozing off over there; I’m not that boring am I?”

The boy snorted softly as he turned slightly so he could stare at the man. “Please, I wasn’t dozing off.”

”Then what were you doing, Fullmetal, bowing to each tree we pass?”

The boy’s eye twitched. “Please don’t call me that. We’re not at the office.”

The man nodded his acknowledgement to the boy. “Of course, excuse me.” There was an unnerving silence after that. “So, what do you want for dinner?”

Edward shrugged. “Anything edible, excluding milk products.” His stomach protested loudly again and his face burned again. “Damn stomach.”

”Did you eat anything at all today?”

The blonde turned and grinned sheepishly at the man. “I only ate a pastry for breakfast, with a glass of orange juice. I forgot about lunch, was kind of busy and well, yeah.” He trailed off and leaned back in the seat.

Roy clicked his tongue disapprovingly. “Edward, Edward, Edward, you have to take better care of yourself. You can’t go all day like that; it’s not good for you. You are still young, and with all the work and traveling you do, you have to have a better diet than that.”

“You sound like someone that I met on my travels,” the boy sighed with a roll of his eyes, “I know I shouldn’t do that, but I forget. I’m just very busy.” There was a pause as the golden eyes dull again. “Al would always remind me when I was supposed to eat.” He bowed his head and stared at his hands that were lying on his lap.

“Then I will.” Edward looked up at the man with a confused expression but didn’t see a mocking expression; instead, he saw sincerity. A smile was evident on the older man’s face. “I’ll remind you to eat. We can lunch together, and breakfast together, and dinner if you want. Whenever you’re here, anyway.”

“Okay then.”


* * *


“HOLY SHIT!” Ed’s eyes twinkled as he walked through the front door of Roy’s house. He kicked off his boots and shrugged off his jacket, and before Roy could say anything, the blonde was already bouncing up and down squealing. “YOU HAVE A LIBRARY? WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME!?”

Roy closed the door and smirked as he kicked off his boots. “You never asked. It’s not much—“

”NOT MUCH!?” The blonde drooled. “Careful Mustang, you just may lose your house.”

Roy laughed. “I can believe it. Knowing my luck, you’ll be the one to kick me out onto the porch and force me to sleep out there.” Roy noticed the boy hesitate, and looked back into the library with pleading eyes. “Go knock yourself out; I’ll start on dinner.”

The blonde was in the library quicker than a groom running from his mother-in-law on wedding night.


* * *


Roy poured the Alfredo sauce over the noodles on the plate carefully. It was hot stuff, mind you, and just because he was the Flame Alchemist, that doesn’t mean he can’t be burned.

There was a shuffling in the doorway and the sound of sniffing. “Something smells good—better than café food…” Edward approached the counter, casting wary glances to the older man and to the food he was putting the finishing touches on. “Looks good, hope it tastes good.”

”If it doesn’t, I’m sure you’ll let me know.” Roy picked up a plate and held it out to the blonde. “Here you go. There’s more if you want seconds.”

Edward’s tongue escaped his mouth and licked his lips as he inhaled the aroma. He walked over to the table, taking a seat at the end as he picked up his fork and plucked a single noodle off the plate. He held it up to his mouth, blew at it to cool it down, and stuck it into his open mouth. He savored the flavor. “I’m surprised, Mustang, this is actually very good.”

Roy took a seat opposite of the guest. “I’m glad you approve.”

Several seconds passed before Roy sighed and pushed his plate off to the side. Edward raised an eyebrow. “What’s wrong? Don’t like your own cooking?”

”No, I just don’t feel like eating.”

“Don’t count on me feeding you.” Edward shoveled a forkful of noodles into his mouth when Roy shot him an irritated look.

“I guess I just wasn’t as hungry as I thought I was,” Roy offered with a shrug. Truthfully, he wasn’t. He was exhausted, more or less.

There was a bright flash of light, followed by a clap of thunder. The tinkering of rain upon metal began to pulsate through their ears as it began to pour. Roy rose from his chair and approached the window, looking outside.

”It’s storming pretty good outside,” He announced calmly, “Are you sure you want to go back out there tonight? I have room for you to stay.”

Ed took a sip of water before rising to go to the window as well. He peered out just as a flash of lightning streaked across the sky. “Eh, I think I’ll probably stay, if it’s alright with you.”

Roy mused with a smirk. “Did I or did I not just say that you could stay? Or has the wind down there been a little too loud so you can’t hear me?”

”WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT IT WOULD BE BLOWN AWAY BY THE WIND?!”

“Why, you of course,” the older (and taller) man waved a hand nonchalantly, agitating the chibi further. “Now, if you are done—“

Edward looked back to his plate and shrugged. “It was filling.”

”I could save it so you can take it with you for lunch tomorrow,” Roy suggested as he walked over to the stove and began to put the extra food into containers. “I’ve got plenty of room in the ice box.”

Ed shrugged again. “If you want, you don’t have to.” There was an awkward silence that followed, which told Roy that the boy was clearly uneasy about something. Perhaps because he was staying at his commanding officer’s house? Maybe the food wasn’t as good as he said and was coming down with food poisoning? Or—

“Where am I going to sleep? And what am I going to sleep in? Cause obviously,” Ed pointed to his attire, “I only brought this with me and I like to sleep in something other than my daily wardrobe.”

Roy blinked. Oh yeah, Ed needed clean clothes. Duh.

“Give me a minute and I’ll get something for you.” Roy took the empty dishes and dumped them into the sink with ease. They could surely wait until morning; after all, he didn’t feel like getting a zap while doing dishes in the middle of a storm.

The dark haired man led the blonde up the stairs in his house, giving him a chance to see a bit more other than the kitchen and library, of which Edward became well acquainted with already. Reaching the top of the stairs, he turned right at the corner down the long stretch of hallway, chibi close in tow.

“The first door on the left is a guest room. I was going to make it into a study, but I haven’t got around to doing it yet, been busy with work and all.” Ed gave him a knowing look and Roy continued, pretending he didn’t see the smirk. “And on your right is another guest room. That one I plan to leave as a guest room. The next door on your left is the upstairs bathroom. And back on your right is the storage room, or closet; whatever you want to call it.” They reached the door at the end of the hallway and Roy gripped the knob. “This is the master bedroom, which has its own walk in closet and master bathroom.”

“Spoiled much, are we?” Ed grinned as they entered the large room.

Roy marched directly to another door, which turned out to be the closet. There were some shuffling noises, and several items of clothing flew out and hit Ed in the face, emitting a squeal of surprise from him. “These are the smallest things I have,” Ed held up the tee shirt and shorts and observed how they were twice his size. “If I had known you were going to spend the night, I would’ve went out and bought some kids clothes. That, or stuck these into the dryer to shrink them a few sizes…”

Ed’s eye visibly twitched. Roy merely grinned at him innocently.

Deciding not to let Mustang get the better of him, Edward turned so his back was to the other man and began to undo the buckle on his black jacket. He slipped it off easily and was about to remove his tank top when he noticed that Roy was staring at him.

”Do you mind?” Edward snarled. What the—was that drool coming out of Mustang’s mouth?

Roy jerked his head and stuttered as he waved his arms. “Meh, sorry about that. You had me going there for a minute. The way you were stripping down and all…” He trailed off turning around so he wouldn’t make the boy anymore uncomfortable than he already was.

The blonde stared. Then a malicious glare settled on his face. “So what if I was stripping!? What? Am I not good looking enough for you!?”

”No! I never said that—“

”I see how this is going!” Ed threw down the tank top, as well as the clothes he was going to change into. He leaped onto Roy’s bed and started jumping up and down on it, messing up the blankets and sending pillows flying off onto the floor.

Roy turned and glared at the boy, careful to avoid being caught staring at his chest. “What the hell are you doing, Edward?”

”Messing up your bed. Problem?”

The man’s scowl deepened as he approached the bed. “Yeah, I sleep on that bed. Now scram.”

Ed leaped up in the air and landed on the bed on his butt with his legs crossed. He leveled an equally annoyed scowl with the man and stuck his tongue out. “Make me.”

Roy snapped. Not snapping his fingers, as he would’ve done if he had his gloves; instead, he lunged onto the bed and at the boy, whom squealed in surprise. Roy pinned him down with his legs straddling the boy’s hips and held his hands above his head. The boy beneath him squirmed like a fish, twisting back and forth trying to break free of his grasp, the entire time.

“You want to run that by me again?” Roy hissed.

”I said ‘make me’,” Edward hissed right back.

Roy then dove in for the kill. His head flew forwards upon the boy’s lips, hushing any further comments or remarks.

Edward’s eyes grew as large as saucers when Roy’s lips connected with his, ye he didn’t pull away or fight back. He just stayed motionless, unsure of what to do next.

Roy’s tongue darted out and ran along Ed’s lower lip, making the boy underneath him squirm slightly as the blonde opened his mouth and allowed Roy to enter into his, allowing him to explore the cavern.

It was sweet, which Roy wasn’t willing to say was a surprise. Every little crevice of that hot little mouth was sweet tasting, and Roy fought hard to resist the building moan in his throat. He was only kissing the boy to scare him, right? To get him out of his bedroom, of course, right? Damnit, why the hell was he enjoying this!

The older of the two felt hands begin to rub on his back in soothing and encouraging motions. He hadn’t realized that his own hands had left the boy’s wrists unguarded and were flying across the toned chest, feeling every inch of defined muscle, sometimes connecting with the cool automail sending shivers up his spine.

Roy’s eyes flew open when he heard an indistinct sound emit from the boy’s covered mouth. It was a cross between a moan and a purr. He broke the kiss to look down at half lidded golden eyes, and received a look from Edward that clearly read ‘What the fuck do you think you’re doing? Get back here and kiss me damnit!’ Roy eagerly complied by smothering him again with a kiss and his hands began to wander down from the chest to the trousers.

Suddenly, Edward shot up, nearly sending the man flying off the bed into the bedside stand and giving him a concussion. He had a look of complete horror and was panting hard. “Goddamnit, what the fuck am I doing!?” He shot off the bed, grabbed the clothes, and ran into the bathroom in a heartbeat.

Roy watched Ed slam the door, and heard a slight ‘thump’, as if the boy had slumped against the door inside. “Ed? Are you okay?” He asked as he rose from the bed and approached the door cautiously, waiting for any sign of an alchemic reaction so he could high tail it before Ed turned him into a bug and squish him.

“No, I’m not okay!” The boy screeched. “You fucking bastard, you turned me on!”

”And that’s a bad thing?”

”FUCKER! I’m a guy, you’re a guy, and we—I—GO AWAY!”

Roy pressed his ear onto the door and heard Edward cursing and muttering to himself, and a whimper of distress. “Ed, do you need me to get you anything? A glass of water, a blanket—“

”I just need you to stay away from me, pervert.” The voice croaked back at him.

Somewhat hurt but not at all surprised by the response, Roy sighed and walked back to the bed and sat down on the edge with a creak. “I was only doing it to scare you, Ed,” he began, “I never meant for it to get a little too—intimate,” He finished with a murmur.

There was a deafening silence except for the rain upon the windows and the occasional rumble of thundering accompanying each of the flashes of lightning. Then, the bathroom door creaked open ever so slowly and a pair of blonde eyes peered out worriedly at the man on the bed. A full head of blonde appeared and a deep crimson was spread across the lightly tanned skin on his face.

“Uh—“ Roy looked up, “—I—well, it’s…it’s okay,” he said sheepishly as he tried to hide himself again with the door, “but, I—I kinda need some guidance at the moment, so—can you—” There was a gulping sound, “can you h-help me?”

Without any further pleading, Roy was on his feet and into the bathroom by the boy’s side in a second. “What can I help you with?” He kneeled down next to the sitting blonde, who appeared to be even more flustered than before.

”This is so embarrassing,” Edward closed his eyes and his flush deepened, “But—can you?” He motioned to his crotch with utmost hesitation, “can you show me how to—well, I think you know what I mean.”

Roy looked down and noticed the bulge. He held back a chuckle as he patted Ed on the shoulder. “It’s okay, Ed,” He moved himself so he was in front of him and reached for the hem of the boy’s trousers, “you’ll have to lose these, though, I’m afraid.”

Edward complied by lifting his ass and allowed Roy to pull his pants down to his knees. Roy forced his lips into a line and gave the boy a scowl when a hand stopped his from pulling down the boxers. “Ed, in order to relieve you, the pants, as well as the boxers, must go.”

”Give me a minute, I’m not ready.” Edward cringed as he reluctantly removed the barrier and revealed his hard cock, which seemed to perk up even further at the sight of Roy. The man chuckled with delight.

”Looks like somebody is happy to see me.”

”You fucking asshole!” Edward began to pull his boxers back up when Roy’s hand shot out and gripped his begging cock abruptly, sending chills up his spine. The boy’s eyes grew to immense proportions with his face as Roy began to stroke it. “Aaaah…gah…”

”Are you okay, Ed?” Roy purred as he continued to stroke it, feeling it pulsate everytime Edward shuddered.

”Mmmpphhh…” The blonde slumped forward and fell onto Roy’s chest in a daze. Roy nudged him back into his previous position, and Edward easily slid back into his slump.

”You move like pudding,” Roy commented as he began to slowly pump the boy.

“Pudding—fucking—nice—“

Roy held back a laugh that threatened to escape with shrills. He merely looked away, pretending he didn’t hear it. Instead, he increased the pumping on Edward, whose body was shaking in either excruciating pleasure or excruciating pain.

At the last second, when Roy thought that Edward was going to pass out before he actually got to cum, the blonde boy lurched forward and bit into Roy’s neck as he spilled onto the floor and Roy’s hand with a muffled cry.

Roy fell back with Edward following closely, and both landed in a heap on the floor, Edward panting and teeth still clenching firmly to Roy’s neck.

“Ed…neck…hurt…”

”Neck tastes good,” Roy took this moment to pry Ed away, afraid that the teen would come down with a cannibalistic craving and try to eat his neck. Ed seemed to look crestfallen at the loss of delicious skin, so he wrapped his arms around the man and clung to him, forgetting all about his previous statements.

“Ed…come on, Ed, let me get up. It’s not very comfortable in the floor, you know.”

”Mmph, I don’…I don’t care…” the blonde grumbled, “I stay here, it’s…comfy…”

Roy growled and punched the blonde’s bare ass, receiving a yelp and a swat. “Move your little ass, now.”

”WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU CALLING SO LITTLE THAT HIS ASS IS BARELY VISIBLE FOR A GOOD FUCKING!?”

This time, Roy finally burst. He laughed, even though he knew that any second now, the blonde alchemist would either punch him in the face, transmute him into a bug and squish him, or transmute him into something not very pleasant and leave him like that for the rest of his life. Nevertheless, he didn’t care; he was too busy cracking up to notice anything.

After several lingering seconds past, Edward finally gained the mobility to crawl to his knees and try to slide his way out of the bathroom. When he reached up to the doorknob, he felt a hand on his leg tug him back. Of course, taken over by exhaustion, he fell flat on his face and allowed himself to be pulled back and onto Roy’s waiting lap.

Roy wrapped his arms around the boy and nuzzled him. “I’m sorry, Ed, but you have to admit, that was pretty funny what you said.”

”I’m not talking to you.” Edward hmphed. A second later, he realized that during the whole incident, Roy had slyly yanked the boy’s pants and underwear and had hurled them across the bathroom, well out of reach in his current position. It was bad enough that Roy was holding him hostage on his lap, but naked on Roy’s lap? It was unnerving! And it was chilly, damn that draft.

“Well? Are you better now?” Roy’s eyes motioned towards Edward’s relieved cock, which seemed to be thanking the man by mentally communicating with him promises of many late night (or mid-day) extravaganzas that its owner wasn’t quite aware of yet.

The boy blinked and lowered his head, ashamed of the events. “Yeah, thanks.”

”What’s wrong?”

”You—I—“ Ed raised his head and wrapped his arms around himself feeling the bitter chill of the bathroom on his bare flesh “You’re not gay, you have an entire city of women leaping at your feet…and…I’m not gay, and even if we were, it would never work…and…”

”So?”

Golden eyes widened. “We would be in deep trouble!”

”And we haven’t already?” Roy raised an eyebrow. “What’s one more sin?” He wrapped his arms around the boy noticing goose bumps on his arms.

”But what about your goal as Furher?” Ed questioned, “You wouldn’t throw everything you worked for away? Cause that’s basically what you’re doing if you were to do anything like this—“

”Okay, first off Edward, I’m not throwing away everything I’ve worked for,” Roy growled, “and second off, why would you think that?”

”Cause it’s fraternization,” Edward replied dryly, “if we get caught, we’re both screwed.”

“Well, than we won’t let it go public.” Roy calmly suggested. “That, or I can have you relieved of your duties as a State Alchemist. After all, you don’t need to be in the military anymore; you have your brother restored. Wasn’t that your top priority in joining in the first place? Or are you still seeking a way to restore yourself?” Roy motioned to the automail arm and leg. He then paused. “And didn’t you say before that you weren’t technically part of the military? Just an alchemist?”

”Well, I did say that,” Edward then looked down to his arm and leg. “No, I’m fine with the way I am,” the blonde quickly rushed, “and you are right about Al and all,” he paused, “I don’t know, I just couldn’t really leave the people that I considered my second chance at a family, even if some of you guys are wackier than Winry on a chocolate rush.”

“You wouldn’t have to leave if you didn’t want to. There are plenty of places to stay here.”

Edward sighed. “I know,” he yawned, “but—oh hell—“

”We can finish talking about it another time,” Roy rose carrying Edward like a child, who leveled a glare at him which was softened by the fact that his eyes were half lidded already, “Now, it’s time for the little man to get to bed.”

”Oh fuck you.”

”I’d love to, but not at the moment,” Edward gave him a look of horror, but Roy merely smirked, “I have work tomorrow and if I go in sleepy, Hawkeye will shoot me in the head. Trust me, if I was to walk around with bullet holes in my head, I don’t think I would be going anywhere long.”

”I’d think that Riza wouldn’t allow you to walk around. Period.” Edward smirked as Roy carried him over to the bed. “Hey, I thought you said that there were guest rooms…”

”There are,” Roy said as he went back into the bathroom and collected Ed’s day clothes and the clothes he had gave to him previously that evening, “but obviously you’re tired and I’m tired, and why not just sleep in the bed closest? By the way you were yawning in there, if I were to let you go into one of those rooms, you’d probably drop in the middle of the hallway and be sleeping there for the night. And my back hurts now.”

Edward scowled, but didn’t argue back as he took the tee shirt Roy had spared him earlier and slipped it on, as well as his boxers. He crawled across the disheveled bed and pulled the blankets down, crawling under them as Roy changed into his own nightclothes, which consisted on a pair of jogging pants that clung loosely to the man’s hips over the briefs he wore.

Yawning, Roy crawled into the empty space next to Edward and stretched before reaching for the light beside the bed. “Goodnight, Edward.”

”Try anything and I’ll castrate you.”

Roy looked at the blonde slightly appalled. “As a fellow male, one would think you wouldn’t make a threat like that.”

”Yeah, well, I will if you try anything,” the blonde snuggled deep into the blankets, “and goodnight.”


* * *


Edward stretched lazily and woke to find himself in unfamiliar territory. After much blinking and smacking of his head into the pillow, he realized that he was at Mustang’s house…in Mustang’s bed.

Jumping up to curse the man, Edward realized the empty space beside him and blinked. Mustang was already up? What time was it?

Edward looked up at the clock on the wall and saw that the time read nine thirty in the morning. He shook his head stunned. Mustang had got up at six that morning, got ready for work without waking or disturbing him in any way, shape, or form? Amazing.

Throwing the blankets off himself, Edward made a mad-dash down the hallway, nearly running into the wall at the end at the top of the stairs. He scrambled down the steps and sped into the kitchen to find a note and a box of Danishes waiting on the table for him.

Edward smiled.


* * *


Lieutenant Hawkeye swore under oath that she would never become suspicious of someone because of his or her’s good mood. She swore that she would never spy on them, keeping an eye out for anything out of the ordinary (besides the humming and the strange appearances of rainbows and flying ponies in the background…curse people and their horrible happy imageries), and to avoid causing a scene in which it involved other people deciding to ‘help out in any way, shape, or form in the solving of this mystery of emotions’.

Damn Havoc and his observations.

“So, what do you think?” The cigarette in Havoc’s mouth bobbed up and down as he spoke, making the woman glare at him and pluck it away with ease only to toss it on the ground and stomp on it a few times.

”I think it is none of our concern as to why the Colonel is in such a good mood,” she growled, ignoring the horrified expression on the man’s face at his destroyed addiction stimulator, “but I do think that you should get back to work and leave him be.”

”Come on, now, you have to be a little curious…” Havoc paused. “Do you think he had a good lay last night?”

Hawkeye’s eyes bore holes into his head. Havoc backed away chuckling nervously. “I was just curious!”

”If you’re so curious, just ask,” she let a smirk creep onto her lips.

”Knowing Mustang, he most likely did,” Havoc muttered.


* * *

Edward stood outside of the headquarters building contemplating on whether he should go inside now or later, and on what he should say to the man—

“Edo! Hiyah!”

The blonde squealed as he wheeled around to come face to face with a hand full of pictures. Glossy sheets reflected light, momentarily blinding him causing him to see spots.

Hughes stooped over him grinning like a madman, fanged grin and all. His hands were clutching the photos as if he were threatening to shove them up the boy’s nose. “Want to see some new pictures of Elysia that I took last night while she and Gracia were playing dress up?”

The photo victim to be quickly skittered backwards to avoid getting life threatening paper cuts. “That’s okay; I was just heading in—“

”I was too! This is great! I can show them to you while we go in together.” Hughes grinned as he grabbed Edward and dragged him while going into extreme detail about each individual picture he possessed on his person.


* * *


There was a harsh shriek that sounded through the hallway, which sent Havoc scuffling for the door and Riza bolting up from her desk, revolvers drawn. The Colonel bolted out of his office with his hands poised for a snap.

The door that led to the room with Riza and Havoc’s offices flew open and Edward bolted across the room shrieking. He ran into Roy, knocking the man onto his ass, stunning both him and the subordinates.

”OH MY GOD, ROY! KEEP HIM AWAY!”

”Eh?” Roy pushed himself up off the floor to find Edward curled up against the man with bulging gold eyes staring at him pleading. “Keep who away?”

”Hey Ed! I still have another three volumes to show you!”

”AIE!” Edward shot to his feet and scrambled into Roy’s office, slamming the door behind him leaving Roy, Riza, and Havoc in the room…stunned.

Hughes poked his head into the office with his trademark grin and the cursed pictures in each hand, as well as several thick volumes of more photos under each arm. “Hey, Ed—oh—” He looked around. “Where’s Ed?”

Roy picked himself up off the floor and was about to chew the man’s head off when Lieutenant Hawkeye stepped forth before him. “Lieutenant Colonel Hughes,” she began, “you keep torturing the poor boy with your photographs. Perhaps it is time to stop.”

Hughes’ lower lip puckered out. “But—“

’Click.’

Hughes instantly went bug-eyed when the woman held up the loaded revolver casually, snapping back the hammer. “Eeeh, just uh…tell Ed I stopped by to say hi and uh…toodles!” He dashed out without another word.

Riza then turned to Roy and shook her head. “I honestly did not want to do that, but seeing Edward in that state, it had to stop.”

Roy placed a hand onto the doorknob. “I’ll go check on him.” He turned the handle and entered, closing the door behind him with a click.

Instead of seeing a blonde head poke out from behind the desk or from the couch, there wasn’t a soul in the room, nor any sign of an escape. The window was still latched shut and there was no sign of a transmutation within the room.

”Ed?”

“Mustang?” A muffled voice called out.

Roy ran over to the closet and opened the door, expecting to find the blonde alchemist seated in the corner on the floor hiding under a pile of jackets. Instead, he had to look up onto the shelf and saw a set of gold eyes blinking back at him.

”What are you doing up there?”

”Hiding. Hey, did you know that spiders make very good company whilst hiding from Hughes? They show you the best hiding places…”

Roy reached up and tugged Edward off the shelf and to the floor, brushing off cobwebs. Edward slapped his hands away, and finished brushing off the last of the cobwebs on his own. “Hey, thanks.”

”For what? Riza’s the one—“

”Not that,” Edward mumbled, “I meant about this morning…last night…you know…”

Ah, here comes that schoolgirl blush. It looked so pretty on Edward, it just didn’t seem right for him to be a boy. He was just too—too pretty. That was not natural.

“You’re welcome, I guess,” Roy rubbed the back of his head, picking at his words cautiously to avoid sending Edward into a spazz attack, “so, I take it you found the breakfast I left you.”

”Yeah.” Edward grinned.

“I didn’t wake you when I was getting ready for work this morning, did I?” Roy asked worriedly.

The boy waved his hands. “No, no! If you did, you probably would be in the hospital with a broken leg, or a fractured skull. I’m not a morning person, and you would’ve known that if you had woke me.” He grinned. “I was actually surprised. I woke up this morning, expecting you to be still in bed, but I look and you’ve already up and left for work. I actually would’ve expected you to at least wake me up and say ‘alright, Fullmetal, ass out of bed and get to work!’. Shows how much I know.” He shrugged as he rubbed his arm nervously.

“Now why would you expect that from me? Am I that much of a bastard?” Roy smirked.

”Oh ho, you don’t know the start of it.” There was a momentary pause, and Roy then heard several chuckles emit from deep in the boy’s throat. “So, Riza finally scared him away, eh?”

The Colonel nodded. “I told you, she’s a menace when she wants to be. Don’t catch her on a bad day, Edward. I mean it. You’ll be missing a few limbs.” Edward leveled a stare and Roy instantly choked. “I didn’t mean it like that—well, I—“

”I’d like to see her try and get my remaining arm and leg.” His expression turned into a devilish cat-like demeanor. “I’d fight tooth and nail with her.”

”And if she were to take all your limbs?” Roy asked as he seated himself at his desk to once again take up his paperwork.

”Then—I’m screwed. But she wouldn’t do anything rash like that, She’s not that type of person,” Edward paused. “Or so I hope.”

“Mmm,” Roy hummed in agreement as he quickly scribbled his signature onto a sheet and stick it into the outbox.

”So, are you doing anything later?”

The dark-haired man looked up. “Pardon me?”

”Are you doing anything later?” Edward repeated himself with irritation evident in his tone, “Cause I was wondering if, well, I could come over again tonight and—“

”Edward, you are always welcomed to my home,” Roy tapped the pen gently on the desk giving the boy reassuring glances, “I have no problem with you staying over.”

”Are you cooking dinner again or is it going to be takeout?” Edward hopped slightly in place, eagerness evident in both voice and expression.

”Which do you prefer?”

”Your cooking. It’s edible,” the boy approached the desk with a grin and plopped down on top of it without a care about the paperwork that was currently in the ‘work in progress’ state. “Besides, I’ve had enough with takeout. I’ve lived on it for…geese, I don’t know, too long.”

”Well, then,” Roy grabbed the boy’s legs gently and turned him, knocking off several items but not bothering to pick them up, “I guess that I’ll have to fix that, now won’t I?”

Edward smirked as he felt himself being tugged, and allowed it. “I’d like to see what your remedy is.”

”Oh, it’ll be something that you’ll be coming back for over and over again.” Roy smirked in return. He rose from his chair, leaned in towards the boy’s ear, and whispered. “I guess this explains one thing…”

”And that would be…”

”Since you’ve been living off fast food, you would not have got all the required vitamins and minerals that growing boys require…” Roy trailed off with a wave of the hand as he took a step back, awaiting the impending explosion from the blonde.

It took not one, not two, but five solid seconds for the information to sink into Edward’s noggin. He contorted his face into a scowl, clenched his hand into a fist, and waved it around as he went into a full-fledged Edward Elric spasm.

”WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT IT WOULD BE CONFUSED FOR A FRENCH FRY ON A HAPPY MEAL?”

Roy laughed. Edward fumed. There was a smacking sound as the blonde slapped Roy with his human hand, leaving a fine red handprint on his face.


* * *


The door to Roy’s office opened and Edward walked out looking mightily pleased with himself. He walked out with a wave and merrily strolled down the hallway with a slight skip in his step. Riza merely raised an eyebrow as Havoc made a mad-dash for the door to see what had happened.

“Eh, Mustang?” Havoc blinked, and then snickered. “What did you do to piss him off this time?”

”I called him a girl and he had to prove his point by bitch-slapping me,” Roy lied. Although, it was partially true. Edward did bitch slap him, but it wasn’t because he had called him a girl. It was because, well, he had called him short among all things.

“Heh, never fails.” The toothpick that Havoc had replaced his destroyed cigarette with bobbed up and down slightly. “Before you know it, he’ll probably find a way to get even with you. No, wait,” the man paused, “I guarantee that he will find a way to get even with you. He’ll probably plot night and day finding a way to get to your good side and then BAM!” Havoc slammed a fist down into his hand to emphasize his point, “he strikes. Like a snake or something.”

Roy blinked. “You really think so?”

Havoc snickered. “Nah, he doesn’t have the patience to do anything like that. He’ll probably knock you unconscious or something and then beat your pompous face in.”

Roy blinked again. Havoc blinked back at him.

”Uh, I wasn’t joking that time,” the blonde man murmured.

Roy sighed.


* * *


“Brother, are you sure that you’re okay with this?” Alphonse twirled the cord of the phone between his finally flesh fingers nervously. It was out of habit, and it was something that drove Winry nuts everytime she spotted him doing it. Thus, usually when he was on the phone, she avoided being in the same room as him.

“Yeah, besides,” Edward’s voice crackled through, “you need to catch up on everything you missed body-less. I’ll visit; I’ll send letters or telegrams. Of course, I’ll also call. I’ll probably be on missions most of the time, or in the library doing some casual reading instead of research. I’ll be sure to send one of Gracia’s cakes to you when I get a chance to see her.”

”Thanks, but are you sure you’re sure?” The younger Elric fumbled with the phone.

”Alphonse, don’t make me get the next train just so I can go to Resembool to smack some sense into you.”

”Actually, brother, I think that with your case it would have to be the other way around.”

Ed’s jaw dropped. He then spluttered as he tried to keep his grip on the phone to a minimum and to avoid crushing it into a million pieces with his automail hand. “Al! What has Winry been teaching you over there!?”

”I’m afraid that wasn’t Winry that taught me that one,” a mischievous tone made its appearance.

Automail hand gripped harder. “Who taught you that? Pinako?” Golden eyes narrowed. It wouldn’t surprise him if it was the old bat that taught his younger brother these smart-ass comments.

The reply that he got next was not one that he had been expecting.

”You did, brother.”

’Crunch.’

Edward stared at the remains of what was once a phone that was part of a great network system in Central. It was now a pile of wood and metal and wires.

The blonde was about to curse himself for holding the phone with his automail hand when he noticed several people staring at him from various points around him. He leveled a glare and spat, “What? Never seen someone get pissed off at their own brother because they use their own knowledge against them?”

The people blinked with owlish eyes. Edward blinked back.

He quickly clapped his hands together to repair the phone and made a mad dash out of the busy corner to find a place where he could sulk.


* * *


Alphonse stared at the dead phone. Winry approached him taking the receiver from his hand and placing it onto the cradle. “Let me guess, he crushed the phone, right?”

”Uh huh.”

Winry clicked her tongue. “Ugh, that’s the fifth one this month. He has to watch his temper. That, or switch hands,” Her eyes then flared. “Because if anything happens with that automail I’ll have his head mounted on my wall!”

The younger Elric backed away from the flames that had suddenly started to shoot forth from the ground around the mechanic.

‘Maybe,’ he thought to himself, ‘it was time to arm myself with a fire extinguisher.’


* * *


It was a showdown. Roy Mustang, famed Flame Alchemist and war hero versus…a simple stack of paper work.

His eye twitched.

The papers sat still.

His hand gripped into a fist.

The papers sat still.

He grabbed a pen and tore the cap off angrily.

The papers sat still.

He raised his hand in preparation to hand to porous surface combat…

…the papers sat still.

“Sir, just sign the papers so I can turn them in!” A voice cried out from the next room in agitation.

Roy slammed the pen tip into the paper and scribbled his name across it as if the paper were a bomb ready to explode. He quickly tore it off the pile and threw it into the outbox pile and repeated the process from step one.

Eye twitch. Hand into fist. Grab pen. Tear off cap. Raise hand. Sign. Throw paper. Repeat if desired.

This repetition was not desired.

Now Edward on the other hand…

Woah, where did that come from?

His thoughts wandered back to last night on how Edward was like putty in his hands. No, not putty…what was the name he had called him? Pretty? Bunny?

Pudding.

Roy snickered behind a glove and quickly stopped when he realized he was still in his office.

All well.

It wasn’t as if anyone were reading his thoughts, right?

Well, maybe Riza could. She had that strange power to see things other people couldn’t. It was a curse for the men. It was a gift for her, and she loved it. To show how much she loved it, she used it. A lot.

Maybe daydreaming about Edward and his lovely—er—wait, stop those thoughts.

Wasn’t the whole point of arguing with himself to stop himself from thinking about how last night was so—

Okay. Back to paperwork. Step one: twitch…


* * *


Edward honestly thought he was cursed. When everything started looking up, something bad or something that was never supposed to happen well, happened.

It had started as such as good day too, so where could have it gone wrong? Besides the chase with Hughes, but that was a daily thing, so that shouldn’t have changed fate on him.

Was it, no, it couldn’t be! They didn’t do anything serious! Edward just had a little problem that needed a little fixing by an expert, that was all! It wasn’t as if they slept in bed together.

’Oh wait, we did. But we didn’t do anything! We just slept…not cuddling. Not doing anything. Nothing. Zilch. Nadda.’

Fate was a bitch, Edward decided. It just decided to be evil at that moment and have the king of all thorns probe itself into Edward’s side just for the hell of it, and cackle in his face like a demon that just claimed a little bit of heaven to do whatever he pleased.

“Sir Edward Elric! I am so pleased to see you!” Pink sparkles flooded the boy’s line of vision. “As part of the Armstrong Family Tradition, I am going to give you my warmest welcome from my long departure! I have missed you so!”

Edward backed away, hoping in the least that the man wouldn’t be able to see him due to his lack of height and would run off looking for him. When that didn’t work, he had hoped that the man came down with a sudden attack of Alzheimer’s and would stand there staring at him and leave him be.

Unfortunately, none of those hopes came to be, and Edward ended up fleeing with Armstrong hot on his tail.

It seems that Armstrong’s long departures weren’t long enough.

TBC