A Very Greedy Christmas

Title: A Very Greedy Christmas
Author: Xephyr
Pairing: None, really, but I guess Roy/Greed
Rating: PG-13, for language.
Disclaimer: Look, I don't own Full Metal Alchemist, or any of it's characters...cuz if I did, Greed and Roy would spend every single holiday together...with me...
A/N: Okay, this came to my sleep-starved brain last night, on Christmas, so...it may be dumb, but, whatever. I mean, I don't care. Sorry, I'm still tired. Well, bring on the fun! -_- One more thing, most likely the most important, this isn't really a companion piece to anything. Oh, and in this story, somehow, Greed either is good, or has turned good, and shares a house with Roy. No, they aren't doing it, they're just roomies. And yeah, a good amount of the stuff they have for presents...wouldn't even exist yet... Okay!


A Very Greedy Christmas
by Xephyr



"Sooooo, Roy," Greed said, sliding neatly in front of the walking Colonel, "It's the day. Where's my stuff?" Roy stopped, a small wrinkle on his forhead the only sign of his irritation.

"Greed, get out of the way." He moved to step around the homunculus, but Greed merely followed, pouting slightly.

"But Rooooooooooy," Greed whined, clasping his hands in front of himself, "You said, and I quote, 'If you wait until December 25th, I swear you'll get lots of nice things, all your own to keep. Now stop stealing my toothbrush.' Remeeeeeeeembeeeeeer?" Greed grinned, showing off his perfect set of shark-like teeth. Roy shuddered slightly, remembering how those teeth had treated his toothbrush.

Like a goddamn chew toy.

Luckily, he had three. He sighed heavily, resigned to the fact that he was not getting by without giving Greed at least one gift. Fishing in his pocket, Roy pulled out a tiny wrapped package, roughly the size of a deck of cards, and handed it to Greed. The spiky-haired individual bounded away, calling behind him, "You gave it to me! You can't have it back! Mine!"

Roy stared at the ceiling, praying to whoever was listening to help him get through this day of days, preferably without killing Greed or himself. Preferably. Roy continued on into the living room, grimacing at all the decorating he had left to do. He was just grateful that the tree was done, hung with blue and silver orbs, silver tinsel, and a a huge blue star, right on top.

Under the tree, there were no presents. Roy's left eye twitched twice. He remembered trying to put them under it, like a normal person would. They had lasted for roughly....forty seconds before Greed had attacked the first one. It was halfway unwrapped before Roy finally snapped his fingers and burned Greeds hands.

Just a little.

After that, the gifts, both Roy's and Greeds, were held in Roy's room, under his bed. In a locked metal crate. Suddenly, a shrill cry assaulted Roy's ears. "Toothbrushes!!!!! Little toothbrushes!!! And a tiny Colgate! Yessss!" Greed ran into the room and threw his arms around Roy, who patted him awkwardly.

Two minutes later, Roy cleared his throat. "Okay, I think I'm thanked. So...let me go. Now." There was no response from the man around his waist. Roy was just reaching into his pocket for his gloves when Greed sprang away.

"Can I help? What're you doing? When do I get another present? Are you hungry? What time is it?" Face flushed and excited, Greed looked at Roy expectantly. Roy pinched the bridge of his nose, 'He's worse than Fullmetal',he thought tiredly.

"Okay, yes you can help, I'm putting up Christmas decorations, later, not really, and," Roy checked the mantle clock, "2:56. P.M."

"Okay. Where do we start?" Greed said, all his playfulness gone. Roy shook his head, he hated how Greed had mood swings like that. But whatever. "Put this tinsel in the windowsills."

Three or so hours later, they had finished decorating,and Roy had eaten his Christmas dinner, which consisted of mashed potatoes, corn pudding, fruit salad, rolls, roast beef, zucchini casserole (made by Greed, was very good) and cheesecake. Now, it was time for presents. They went back into the living room, Greed's mood from earlier returning.

He was, Roy realized, actually bouncing. Roy sat Greed on the couch closest to the tree, and told him to wait there. He went into the bedroom and pulled the box out from under his bed. As he turned, the box hit something very solid, resulting in a loud thunk. He glared at his house mate. "Dammit, I thought I told you to wait in the goddamn living room!"

Greed smirked, then lifted the box from Roy's hands. "You tell me a lot of things, Colonel," he said with a wink before disappearing back into the living room. One last sigh, and Roy followed, pulling the key to the box from his pocket and unlocking it.

Immediately, the entire upper half of Greed's body was in the box. Roy growled softly. "I have my gloves, Greed, and I really want to use them." The presents were quickly released, and Roy reached in, pulling them out and sorting them into two piles.

"These," he pushed the larger pile toward Greed, "Are yours. These others here are mine. I will kill you if you touch them. Dammit." Greed grunted, his attention on his presents, as if he didn't know where to start. He grabbed the biggest one, as Roy knew he would, and used both hands, and a little teeth, to tear the paper off.

Panting, he sat back to view his prize. "Ooooh," he whispered, "That's nice...." Roy smirked, indeed it was nice. Riza had gone all out this year, giving Greed a large comforter, emerald green and navy blue stripes on one side, pure emerald green on the other. Roy turned away as Greed started in on the rest of the pile, working on his own.

By the end of the night, Greed had, in addition to the toothbrushes and Colgate, and the comforter from Riza, a puzzle, a small mirror, a weight set (from Lt. Armstrong), an address book (from Lt. Havoc, to "Keep track of the ladies"), a Gameboy with Pokemon Gold Version (from Breda) and a cookbook (From Gracia, because she heard Roy was teaching him how to cook).

Roy had mirrors also(from Ed, because "We all know how much you love yourself, arrogant bastard"), cufflinks (from Riza, always practical), a rowing machine (go Armstrong), a phone number ( from Alice, who worked at the diner down the street, pretty cute), a calculator (from Fuery, "You suck at math. Sir."), and a new address book(from Havoc, because "You know your old one's almost full, you lucky man-whore.").

Greed was laying on the floor,vest shed long ago, surrounded by his gifts and the wrapping paper from said gifts, looking tired and happy. Roy felt a smile tugging at his lips, as he contemplated the picture before him. "How was it?" he asked the homunculus dryly.

"Oh, wow. That was....like....the best thing I've ever had happen to me. The anticipation alone.....God.......and then...when I got the stuff....finally.....wow........" The other man's voice trailed off, and he closed his eyes. Roy smiled fully then, thinking that Greed looked as if he'd just gotten a very different type of gift.

He had to admit, though.....even if only to himself.....this was the best Christmas Roy had ever had.





The End.




Here's the part where I reply to all the reviews I've gotten on certain stories.


thooruchan: Yep! That's my thought process exactly! I love Greed, and I think that he'd be a sweetie in real life, so I like to write him as one! And thank you for being the first reviewer for The True Horror of Alphonse Elric! You rock!

endormathom: Thank you for reviewing! I'm glad you think True Horror is promising, and yes it is a Roy/Greed, just be patient!


Anon: Thanks! We're glad you thought it was funny. That was what we were shooting for, so cool!


Okay, until next time, please review!