Trilogy

Ok folks, here's the general plot:
Ed's in Ye Olde London, don't ask me how, or why. He just is.
He's been around long enough to know that you're a witch if you don't go to church, so he's become adept at playing the upstanding Christian citizen. As a result, he's learned some about Jesus and what he was supposed to be capable of.
He's not a Christian, Christianity makes him laugh.
This here trilogy is about Ed getting home.

NO! I DO NOT own any characters or storylines from Fullmetal Alchemist, ok? I don't own Jack Shit when it comes to Fullmetal Alchemist.

Oh, and no one is allowed to be offended by the Jesus-like character, gottit? I'm not some blasphemic madman. I don't believe a word of what I'm typing. It is a fanfiction after all. So, you are warned. If you are super touchy about "Taking the Lords name in vain" THIS IS NOT THE FIC FOR YOU.

*Tries to count the number of times she says "Jesus" in this fic*

Oh, and I stole this whole "Totally Relevant Song Lyrics" at the begining of the story from a friend of mine, maybe you've read some of her stuff, she's called Heavy Metal Alchemist.

Ok, End Author's note.
-Rasia, Tea Alchemist

Met a man on the street last night,
Said his name was Jesus.
Met a man on the street,
Last night.
Thought he was crazy 'till,
I watched him heal a blind man.
I watched him heal a blind man,
Now I see!

Ed walked down the cobble-stoned street that led to his tiny upstairs apartment. He'd just got back from shopping and was carrying six burlap sacks for himself and his clients.
Ed lived above a stable.
He cared for the horses, fed them brushed them, all that, and got to stay in the apartment on top of his wages. Which wasn't really saying much, as his wages were just about as scarce as they came. He got enough money to feed himself and buy an outfit every month, if he needed to. They gave him extra money to buy feed for the horses.
There was a little beggar boy leading his blind father going the other way, and Ed rummaged out a loaf of sweet bread for them. He put it under the father's out streached palm.
"Is that mister Edward? I'll bet it is, you’re the only one who feeds me!" He chuckled and weighed the bread in his hand, making appreciative noises.
"Sure is!" Ed said, scratching the back of his neck self-consciously. "I hope you like that, my baker was closed so I had to try something new."
The boy smiled up at Ed, which was a nice change, and said, "You really spoil us Ed."
His Father swatted his head, "That's Mister Edward to you, show respect to the man who feeds you!"
Ed rolled his eyes, "Where are you sleeping tonight? I hear there's a dry spot near the smithy, but you know if I heard it, it'll be packed by now." The father licked his lip, and Ed frowned. "You know, you're always welcome at my stable. It's not much, but it'll keep you warm and dry for a night or twelve."
He laughed, "I wouldn't worry your horses that way."
Ed looked at the boy. He raised his eyebrows, and the boy shook his head.
"The horses will get over it." Ed decided, steering father and son alike to turn about.
"We couldn't!" The father sputtered stumbling forward.
Ed steadied him, then set him walking straight. "You simply must. I insist you be warm and safe tonight. Besides which, it gets lonely when the only people who'll talk to you are there to pick up a horse."
The old man smiled sightlessly at Ed, the set himself steadily toward Ed's stable.

***

Ed lit a candle and saw that his hay was occupied. A man with scraggly brown hair, with matching beard, was snoozing with his head pillowed in a manger.
"Hey! Man, this isn't for you to sleep on! That’s for the horses dammit!" Ed exclaimed, rushing forward to nudge Mr. Snoozer out of his hay.
Father and son came cautiously in after him.
The Sleeper woke and sat up to blink at Ed.
"How'd you even get in here?" Ed asked, gently hauling the man to his feet.
"I'm sorry, I would have asked, but you weren't here. I was wondering if I could borrow a bail for tonight. I can pay you, if you need, but all the Inns a full." He had a soothing trustworthy voice. That made Ed nervous.
"I guess, if you have no where else to stay..." Ed cursed himself as a push over. Damned if he didn't have a soft spot for the homeless.
"Thank you Edward." Ed frowned, he couldn't remember telling his name. "Now, unless I am much mistaken, this is William Carter, the blind old cobbler fallen on bad times and his son Billy." He handed the boy a sweet and the man a crisp note.
"Well, I'll be damned," Will murmured, accepting the money.
"Now, don't do that, it's far more fun to be blessed." the Sleeper said, with a very strange grin.
"How'd you know who we all were?" asked Will, the sweet already vanished from sight.
The Sleeper grinned again, that same peculiar grin. "My father has spoken of you to Me often."
"And how do you know me, sir? I'm quite certain your father doesn't know me." Ed smirked, using the most obnoxious expression Roy had ever taught him. But, no, thinking of Roy hurt. Better not to picture the face that had taught him how to mask his emotions and hide behind a smirk.
The Sleeper's face clouded, "You're right, My father doesn't know you." He made a valiant effort at grinning, but it had lost its strangeness. "No, I know you by the sign above the door." He shrugged.
Ed smiled at him. So maybe he was paranoid, but it had really worried him that some one who could break into his stable knew his name.
'Which reminds me,' Ed remembered.
"How on Earth did you get past all my locks? I thought I had this place wrapped up tight."
"I just climbed in the window," the Sleeper said innocently.
Ed looked around his little stable, just to reassure himself that he wasn't crazy. He knew there weren't any windows on this part of the building, he knew that. But he looked anyway, and low and behold there was an open window blowing air on his horses.
He goggled at it. There were no windows on the ground floor of his stable this morning. He had made no renovations. So how was there a window here? And for that matter...
Edward reached forward and his fingertips met glass. "Jesus Christ!" he whispered, pulling away as though he'd just realized the kitten he'd been stroking was a panther.
The Sleeper looked up, saw Ed looking fearfully at his new window and laughed aloud, "What, here? Get the pistols boys, that holy bastard came back!"
The blind man looked offended, but kept quiet about it. Ed drew away from his window. "I could never afford a glass window! How the Hell'd it get there?"
Windows with glass panes were expensive! Ed'd only ever had shuttered windows in this world!
Memories flooded into him, of looking at Nina in the snow through a glass window, of Roy smirking down at him while sunshine haloed him from scrubbed glass windows, Hughes waving while he watched out the train window.
That did it. Now pictures of friends and military persons flowed freely through his mind, most completely devoid of any kind of window at all.
He teared. He hated these bouts of homesickness. He looked around him and sighed. Did it always have to happen with company over?
He pulled himself together and smiled weakly. You'd think that twelve years away from home he'd be able to control this better.
"Well, you know us, what's you're name?" Ed asked, setting about making proper beds from the hay about the room.
The Sleeper suddenly looked most uncomfortable. "Erm, names aren't really that important. At least, my name isn't."
Ed cocked an eyebrow at him, but shrugged it off. "I'll bet I've heard worse, whatever it is. D'you know, I once knew a lady called Hawkeye?" Riza's gun pointed at him and she shouted at him about a bruise- No! Dammit!
Ed shook himself, mentally. "Here you go gentlemen, three of the house's best rooms." He gestured grandly at the three smooth lumps of hay separated by troughs full of clean water. "No pissing in the troughs, or I'll beat you all senseless!" he scooped up the nearest tool on his workbench.
With a jolt he saw it was a wrench. He was bombarded with memories of Winry. Laughing, crying, shopping, screaming, hooking up his automail...
He flexed his automail arm, and sighed. He'd covered it with colored wax... Sort of. He had mixed the wax with several chemicals available to make a strong fleshy substance for his automail. He'd learned the hard way that this world hadn't worked out automail yet. Thusly, people screamed when he moved his mechanical limbs.
The others hadn't even noticed that he drifted into deep thought. They were exclaiming about how marvelous their beds were.
Ed went upstairs, "If you need me, knock three times on the ceiling."

***

He tried to ignore it, really tried with all his might, but there were no two ways about it.
BANG! BANG! BANG!
Nope, they'd knocked three times about six times, and he simply couldn't pretend it was the wind anymore.
Grumbling sleepily, Ed crawled out of bed. He pulled on a robe and stumbled to the stairs. The boy had the broom poised near the ceiling, looking at the elder two.
"Should I try again?"
"Boy's a heavy sleeper, that's for sure," William murmured.
"Not heavy enough. What? What's wrong?" He looked around the room. No one was bleeding, there were no fires, and no homunculi threatened anywhere.
Damn, Ed even missed the fucking Homunculi!
"Mister Edward, you'll never believe who this is!" Billy exclaimed, gesturing wildly at the Sleeper, who was sitting on his bed grinning sheepishly.
"It's 1:16 in the morning, I don't care if he's the crown prince! Dammit, this is your emergency? This guys name?"
"We don't need to get bogged down in numbers! This man is Jesus! Jesus Edward!" The boy danced about.
Now Ed had really had too much. "As I said, I don't care. So, goodnight gentlemen, holy men." Ed waved disrespectfully.
"But Ed! He Jesus! He's our savior! The least you could do is give him a proper bed! He deserves a palace! Down quilts, woolen blankets, silk sheets! We've got him snuggled up in hay with street ragamuffins!" he paused. Then his eyes lit up, "Jesus needs muffins! Ed, have you got any muffins for our savior?"
Ed hadn't stopped, and slammed the door on them.
Billy turned to the Sleeper, "He's just gone to get you some muffins."

***

"EDWARD? COME ON, WE NEED YOU TO FEED JESUS! ED? YOU DIDN'T GO BACK TO SLEEP DID YOU? EDWARD?!"
Ed sat there, on the edge of his bed, wondering what would feel better. Killing the boy, or giving "Jesus" poisoned muffins.
"Pffffft." Ed mirthed. Jesus indeed! That was more of that Christianity nonsense. That was some funny shit right there. When he ran out of reading material, and needed a good laugh, he'd whip out his Bible and read a few passages.
It was hilarious. He was particularly fond of a certain Song of Solomon and The Woman With Breasts As Of Gazelle.
Jesus indeed.
"EEE-EEED!!! C'MON! MUFFINS FOR JESUS!"
Ed sighed and went to make himself a cup of tea.

***

"EDWARD, YOU'VE GOT TO COME FEED JESUS! DAMMIT! Oh, sorry sir."
"It's ok."
"Billy, leave Ed alone."
"But Pops! He's disrespecting Jesus Christ, Dad, c'mon. He shouldn't have gone back to bed."
Ed slammed the door and tromped downstairs.
"Finally! Edward where are the muffins?"
Ed grabbed the boy by his shirtfront and dumped him in a trough.
"Ok, Christ. Prove it. Perform a miracle. Convert me!" Ed had just about lost the scarce remains of his sanity this evening.
"Ed, that's not really how it's supposed to work. A miracle needs-"
"I DON'T CARE!" Ed glared at him.
Jesus sighed. "Hold very still William."
"Whoa, wait, what?"
"Don't. Move." Jesus said firmly.
He then clapped his palms together, as if in prayer. He pressed his fingertips over the mans eyes.
A flash of golden light occurred from that touch, filling the room. Ed turned hastily, to steady the horses, but none of them had spooked.
William hardly breathed, he was so still.
"It's ok now, open your eyes."
William looked doubtful, but cracked open his eyes.
He screamed. Then he fainted.
"Pops!" Billy ran forward to revive his fallen father.
"I can see! God be praised I can see!" The old man nearly danced around.
Ed's jaw dropped.
"Alchemy!" he whispered.

And that is chapter one. What say you? Good? Blasphemic? Neither? Both?

*gasp* Is it possible for it to be both?

I think that’s 18/19 Jesus’, starting at the very beginning and including the song.

@_@ !