Competition Smile

Title:Competiton Smile
Pairing: Roy/Ed
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Humor, PWP smut

A/N: What the world needs now is Roy/Ed love >:E

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They’d been going around for a good several minutes now, though in Roy’s opinion it felt more like an hour. Fullmetal had his own time, carried it with him, and unfortunately he had no problem on inflicting it upon you. Edward was talking at about a thousand words a minute, and all Roy could do was stand by the filing cabinet and grit his teeth, wait for the words to stop so he could maybe get a syllable in edgewise.

“Fullme-“

“Shut up! Fucking bastard, I can’t believe you—“

But dammit, it was momentously unfair. He really hadn’t done anything. He’d just bumped into the kid (though it really wouldn’t help to excuse himself by saying he hadn’t SEEN the boy). He had been filing a few last folders for the day, Fullmetal had stalked in. All he’d done was turn around and almost-very-barely tap the dumb kid on the ass – with his armload of paperwork. But in the off-kilter world of the Fullmetal Alchemist, where insults lurked around every corner, the slightest contact now meant instant sexual harassment.

For the first time, he really regretted his ex-secretary. At least SHE had been smart enough to leave only after he got the satisfaction of actually hitting on her. Or maybe this was just the universe’s way of getting him back for that.

“Fullmetal.” He finally got out, and like usual, the full word managed to get the boy’s entire attention. Somewhere, obscure, it was probably written in the rules of their Game. If you can my full title out, you can have my ear.

“What?” The boy was flushed and panting, which admittedly, under any other circumstances Roy might have thought fetching. Right now though, it was entirely too likely to provoke accusations of “eyeballing”. He chose to face Fullmetal’s dull reflection in the side of the metal cabinet instead.

“I—“

“You got an explanation for me, eh!?”

Roy scowled.

“If you’re quite done…as I said BEFORE, I don’t mind explaining myself,”--if you’ll actually let me DO it!--“but I would appreciate a civilized discussion.”

“Civilized--!? Hey, it’s not my fault! YOU came groping ME!” The boy screeched. Oh, great, it had been upgraded to a ‘groping’. Roy wondered if there was anyone still in the office next door, hoped very much they’d all gone home already. “How the fuck is THAT civilized, you fuckin’ bull ape!”

“Fullmetal, keep it down!!!” He hissed. Hell, the rate this was escalating people were going to think he’d raped the kid over his desk or something.

Fat chance of the kid shutting his mouth now, though. The kid had figured out he’d hit pay dirt in some form, and he seemed delighted in standing there and watching Roy squirm.

“Admit it.” And now the little shit was grinning at him, triumphantly, like he’d come up with something particularly clever. “You want me. You think I’m hot.” He challenged.

“Why the hell would I think that?” Roy snapped, nerves more than just a little frayed. Dammit, this was not a game they needed to be playing here, not even if it was after

And would you know, the little brat paused for a moment, and actually bothered to flip his head – flip his pretty little braid! – at him, tossed over his shoulder with a flourish. “Cause I am.” The kid remarked smugly.

Roy gritted his teeth. THAT revelation had come courtesy of Jean Havoc, who, incidentally, Roy Mustang was going to well and thoroughly ROAST tomorrow morning; to think he had taken PITY on the kid because Edward had worried the secretary down the hall was going to jump him. Sure, of course she wanted to jump him, half the office did, she just wasn’t going to beat the shit out of him. Roy thought Fullmetal could have stood to learn the latter; he didn’t think Fullmetal’s ego needed to learn the former. But unfortunately, the cat was out of the bag. Edward Elric was the hottest thing on wheels, and what was worse, he knew it.

Roy exhaled hard through his mouth, pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Yes, Fullmetal, we all know you’re exceedingly attractive,” he said, sarcastically. “So attractive I’m drawn to ‘molest’ you with a stack of paperwork, even when I had no idea you were there, because it’s after hours, you didn’t announce yourself, and you didn’t care to knock. Really, do you ever bother to consider alternate hypotheses?! I thought you were a scientist.”

Ouch. That one visibly hurt. And dammit, that was the other thing that wasn’t fair – that regardless of any sexual attractiveness, those big eyes, drowned in sorrow, could hit anybody like a knife to the gut.

“I’m just saying it’s prudent to consider all the angles before you go off half-cocked.” He said lamely, trying without success to hold onto his anger.

“But you were hitting on me?” The accusation came out as a question now, and dammit, why did the kid have to have that little lip tremble?! That wasn’t FAIR! Edward Elric brought out the worst in him, sometimes. He didn’t even know how to verbally fight with the kid around.

“No, Fullmetal,” he sighed. “I hit you with folders. I was not hitting ON you.”

“Yeah, right.” Said weakly though, without much force. Fullmetal bared his teeth, like a cat; an ugly expression that did not conceal the fact that he was shaken. Roy felt like a heel, again. He remembered himself now, what it was like to first comprehend that he was gorgeous – that he had treated the attention as some strange cosmic mystery, delicate and fleeting. He as well, had been a teenager. And he had not understood the reason – how could he, when he still felt so knock-about and out of place, a boy wearing father’s shoes, a child not yet adapted to a man’s body? - and so he had felt at any moment like the blessing might evaporate. He had not trusted it in the least. Fullmetal probably didn’t, either.

Damn, damn, double-damn the kid for always crinkling things up. He couldn’t tell if he was still mad, or exasperated, or just the world’s biggest heel. He settled for the latter.

“Edward, you are a very handsome young man.” He offered, in a rare burst of complete and open compassion. “I’m sure you get a lot of attention.” The kid jerked his head up, clearly stunned, and yes, yes he certainly was attractive – Roy was grateful, at least, that he didn’t have to lie. As ugly as the boy’s face could be while fighting, as many horrid ways he could find to contort his expressions while ranting, he could also be surprised, innocent and beautiful. Or smiling. God, those lips looked kissable, Roy thought privately, when they weren’t pursed into a frown.

“Just try not to let that go to your head, Fullmetal. Okay? That’s all I’m asking.”

Edward nodded slowly. “Yeah, okay…”

The beatific smile turned deadly.

“So you WERE hitting on me!” The little bastard laughed, and dammit, no, no, he was SMIRKING up him! Roy’s own smirk! Stolen and plastered on somebody else’s face!!! He’d been honestly trying to be nice, and now—he---grrraaaarggh---

As usual, all reason evaporated in the presence of Fullmetal.

“Fine!” He snarled, and clamped down on the kid’s human wrist like a vise. “You really want me to hit on you?! Fine, alright, I’m hitting on you! You think you’re man enough to do this?! You don’t have any idea what you’re getting into, do you, kid?”

It took Edward only a second to wrench his arm away, but in that moment his visage changed completely.

“Hell yes, I’m ready!” The kid screeched defiantly, despite the amazing shade of red splashed brilliantly across his face. “Don’t give me that shit! I can take whatever you dish out, you bastard!” He flipped his braid again mockingly, the only thing he seemed to know how to do. Sad, really. Roy felt that nasty internal flop again, where he couldn’t help but feel sorry for the little ingrate.

“You’d be lucky to have a night with me,” the kid continued, mocking; waggled his hips. “Face it, I’m out of your league.”

“Oh really.” Roy drawled. THIS should be good. Yes, it was hard to stay mad at someone who consistently shot himself right in the platform boot-clad foot. “I find that interesting. Tell me, Fullmetal, how many women have you had calling you at work? At home, for that matter? Tell me, Fullmetal, have you ever been out with anyone at all?”

Strangely, Edward didn’t seem phased. He flashed teeth, as quickly and threateningly as if they had been fangs.

“Oh yeah? Well, you know that girl you were supposed to see tonight? She totally tried to get all over ME in the lobby when she showed up. That’s why Hawkeye chased her out. Had nothing to do with you. See, I was just sitting there, and--”

Fullmetal was still talking, but Roy wasn’t hearing the words. Belatedly, his mind started chaining several things together…

So that was why—Jeannine—“washing her hair”--free to do overtime--

“—and I think she even asked me out to dinner, I dunno, Hawkeye threw her out after she said something about me eating HER, which didn’t make any sense, but regardless, you gotta admit that I’m pretty damn good if some chick I’ve never met before is gonna stand someone up for me; and hah, you must really SUCK, Colonel Ba-“

Roy Mustang saw red.

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A half-hour later they were moving silently through the red-light district, and Roy Mustang was already kicking himself solidly on the inside, though he wasn’t about to let the little punk beside him know. Fullmetal was clomping bad-naturedly beside him, drowned in his gray overcoat, and not managing to look much less conspicuous even with his trademark flamel covered.

“Al’s going to be wondering where I’m at.” The kid accused. Like this was still HIS fault. Roy rolled his eyes.

“You want to go home? You’re welcome to.”

“…no.” Came out almost a whisper, god, just a petulant kid, really. He really had no idea why he was still supporting this. It couldn’t possibly be right.

But then again, it was legal (if not entirely appropriate in the military’s eyes; civilian consultant or not he was technically Fullmetal’s commanding officer); the kid had lost his minor status as soon as he’d taken the damn watch. “Emancipated minor”, he could legally consent; and hell, out in the country where the Elrics were from, you could get married from the time you were thirteen! It would certainly explain a lot about the kid. Why he was so hot to trot with a man nearly two times his age, in the seedy hotel district on the spur of the moment.

Maybe even lose his virginity. Roy looked over at the kid again and wondered, truly wondered, if the boy had any idea what he was getting himself into.

But well, not like it was a foregone conclusion, yet. They could always get the room and not do anything. Or Fullmetal could bolt down an alley before they found a place. Either way, this could finally be over. He was certain Fullmetal’s pride wouldn’t let him yammer about being “hit on” anymore once he’d run from one opportunity, and if they actually went through with it—

--well, he highly doubt Fullmetal was going to be talking about THAT, either.

“I mean it! People would miss me, you know.” Edward piped up again, and Roy resisted the urge to laugh. Now that he’d stopped ranting, Edward’s nerves were really quite amusing. The odds were, more and more, on losing his virginity.

“I’m taking you to a hotel, not killing you.” He pointed out. “And if it worries you that much, then you shouldn’t be here right now.”

“…I’m just sayin’, you could get in a lot of trouble.” The boy mumbled, scuffed at the dirt.

“Thanks, I appreciate your concern.” He said. What he didn’t say was that, to be perfectly honest, the military didn’t give a damn what happened to Edward Elric in a dingy hotel room. As long as he was alive enough to still shit out miracles every couple of weeks, they wouldn’t care if he was blind, deaf, dumb, limbless, and shivering in a corner.

That thought, honestly, hurt just as much.

“Do you want to call your brother?” He asked suddenly, feeling bad for the kid.

“Huh? Yeah, I guess…” Edward looked dubious. “What do I tell him, though?”

You’re the self-proclaimed “Don Juan Alchemist”, you tell me. Roy thought, amused. Again, it was so painfully obvious how much of the boy was just talk.

“Library?”

“He’d go looking.”

“Say you’re working late, then.” Roy suggested. “That’s good and all-purpose.”

“Heh, just so long as I don’t say you’re staying late with me. Then he’ll know I’m lying.” Edward laughed.

Well, I suppose I do deserve that one.

“There’s a pay phone up ahead, to your right.” Roy instructed. Edward dutifully bounded off, and when he came bounding back, Roy dutifully sighed and loaned him a quarter.

A short phone call later, Edward seemed immensely relieved, and Roy by proxy felt like a weight had been lifted. He steered Edward toward one of his usual haunts without much trouble, and thus, without guilt.

“Aren’t they going to um, wonder?” Edward asked, picking self-consciously at the hem of Roy’s coat, and Roy actually had the confidence now to just laugh in his face. This part of town, they paid people not to wonder. Half the hotels were part of a syndicate too, he had no doubt; it was in their best interests NOT to have the regime poking around. Still, to be safe, he did leave Edward in the foyer, drowned in his overcoat and hidden in a small nook.

An old woman of at least ten thousand greeted him at the weathered check-in desk, said extremely little as he offered his money and asked for a key. Partially blocked by an opaque glass divider, people didn’t talk much here. It wasn’t what people came here for. “402.” was about as much as the lady said to him, then went back to her tinny radio program.

“Upstairs.” He told Edward when he came back out to the foyer. The stairs were right off to the side. The directions were clearly labeled. So, they climbed.

He unlocked the door and let Edward enter ahead of him, get a feel for it. Room 402 was like any other; drab, barely furnished. You didn’t pay 2000 cens an hour for luxury, you paid for utility. There was a bed, a flimsy tannish comforter, a few other haphazard pieces of bedroom furniture; a closet-sized bathroom and shower off to the left. Everything that was necessary, nothing else that wasn’t.

“Well, the Taj Mahal this ain’t.” Edward proclaimed, scowling proudly at his surroundings. He seemed fully and completely in control of himself, save that Roy had noted that in occasions past, he slipped into colloquial speech when he was trying to affect bravado. Oh well, he’d take it at face value. Still, plenty of room for the kid to back out, if he needed to. He was still amazed they’d come this far, honestly.

“It serves its purpose,” he said.

“I’ve seen worse!” Edward was quick to point out, still unable to let go of the Challenge of it all. And who knows, he probably had. One thing he had to give the Elric brothers, they were plucky enough to put up with a lot for the sake of their mission.

“I’m sure you have,” Roy said amicably, and moved to the solitary chair. He stripped off one of his gloves, then the other, and shrugged off the greatcoat concealing his uniform. He’d have to remember to take it in with him tomorrow morning, he reminded himself idly; it wasn’t his, he’d just nicked it out of the coatroom because his own coat was in use.

Said coat was actually being fidgeted with, violently, by automail at the moment. Roy considered telling the kid just to take it off already, except that he was worried Edward might spazz again. It was his armor, as Roy’s sarcasm was his.

“So, uh…” It was amazing, honestly. Even fully clothed, Edward’s faced was so open that he seemed completely naked. Roy marveled. It had been aeons, it felt, since he’d been that way.

“What should…”

“It’s up to you.” Roy was quick to say. “This is your call, now.”

Edward didn’t seem much happier with that answer, though. He scowled and turned, stalked toward the bed and flung himself down on it crossways.

“Well? Were you gonna do this or not?” Typical Edward. He had all the subtlety of a bored hooker.

Roy shook his head. Little snot. He was trying to make this Roy’s fault again, most likely. Just waiting to be ravished, to hell with that.

“I said I wouldn’t mind, but I’m not about to do all the work.”

“Huh?”

“There’s something called ‘foreplay’, Fullmetal. You could stand to learn it.”

“Mmm…why don’t you come over here and teach me?” The kid was sitting up now, giving him a saucy smile, and well, at least he was trying this time. It was still funny, though.

“Why don’t you start by taking your clothes off, then?”

It felt like the world ground to a stop.

Roy just sat there, waiting. Edward stared back at him for one long, stricken moment before his brain managed to switch gears. Roy braced himself for the rant, but it never came. Instead, an incredible defiance shuddered through Edward’s small frame, and he bolted upright, lightning-rod straight, hackles standing.

“Don’t fucking PLAY with me! I said I can take whatever you dish out!” The boy snarled, and hurled Roy’s coat at him. A flurry of red, black, boots, underwear followed, all of which peppered his person and would have made him instinctively transmute, had his snaps not been on bare fingers. He batted a leather pants leg out of his eyes and cringed, waiting for more.

There was no more. Edward Elric was now standing before him, seething and naked and completely out of ammo, unless he was willing to surrender an arm to the cause. Completely, unabashedly naked – Roy swallowed hard. He wasn’t sure what to think. He was not used to seeing automail, and the scar tissue was upsetting – there were horrible flat patches of unnatural pink around the edges of Edward’s shoulder, at the top of his leg, and god, the alien flesh seemed to have claimed an entire nipple from his chest. At the same time, that made his eyes gravitate all the more toward the other nipple, rosy and raised, possibly even hard; he wondered if perhaps Edward was more responsive because he had only the one, wondered if he might scream like a woman. From there his eyes automatically just wanted to slide down, and well…beautiful, well-muscled torso – hell, you could see his abs – and the only baby fat the kid still had was definitely in the right places. The curves of his face, the soft look of his skin…all in all, Edward made up for his rough patches, Roy decided immediately. Made up by half.

“STILL think you wanna go through with this?” Edward groused, plunking his ass down on the edge of the bed, knees firmly together. Roy hadn’t even made it down that far.

“Only if you do.” Replied, automatic. Watched the slip of soft hair across two strong shoulders, one metal and one flesh. Fuck. Havoc had been right. The kid really was a looker.

“What kind of bullshit answer is that?!” Edward snapped back at him, and Roy was alarmed to realize that the kid was actually one step away from losing it. He was quivering a little, and his automail was rattling. Hell. If there was one thing he didn’t need, it was for Edward to bolt naked.

“I did it, now you get your own damn clothes off. Or something. Fuck, I don’t know, just—“

“It’s okay!” Roy interjected, trying to be soothing. “It’s okay, I’ll take them off.” He rose slowly, made sure not to take a single step forward; wanted the kid to know he had space. Damn, he’d known this was a bad idea. Edward’s eyes were glued to his fingers as they undid the first of many buttons, slipped the dressage skirt down from his hips and began tugging his overshirt out of his waistband. He watched, a little more relaxed, as the kid’s hands twitched toward him, as if he wanted to help.

“What should I—?”

Needed something for the kid to do. Something he could do that wouldn’t be asking for too much contact. “Touch yourself.” He purred.

“What?!” Honestly, from the sound you’d think he’d asked the kid to put his hand in the fireplace.

Roy glared. “If you can’t be comfortable with yourself with someone else in the room, you aren’t comfortable enough to have sex with them, Fullmetal.”

“But that’s—okay, FINE!” Edward huffed, though he didn’t seem at all sure about that. He wiggled backward slightly, opening his legs just a tiny fraction, and cautiously, cautiously slipped his flesh hand between his thighs.

Roy paused on a clasp.

“Do you have to fucking watch?” Edward groused.

“No.” Roy admitted. “But if we go through with this, I’ll certainly be seeing you.”

“Fuck.” The boy cursed ambiguously, and scooted even further backward. He was now completely on the bed, feet pressed flat against the mattress, and staring down at his crotch as if he were sporting a rattlesnake.

A very impressive, definitely stiffening rattlesnake at least. Roy watched, mesmerized, as pale flesh reddened and swelled; the visible sign of Edward’s interest. Edward himself seemed transfixed, staring at his own cock resting loosely in his hand with a mixture of consternation and excitement. Roy could read that expression. He had barely touched himself, and he was already hard.

Why…

“You like me watching, don’t you.” Roy murmured, shed his blue overshirt. Edward’s hand jerked on his cock just as he opened his mouth to deny it; no words came. “That’s alright. I like to watch.”

“B-bastard—“ Edward hissed, but he couldn’t quite meet his gaze. He tugged again, more forcefully this time, and oh, that looked good – the startled expression washed out into bliss, and Roy couldn’t tear his undershirt off fast enough. Pants, had to get the pants off. They were incredibly too tight.

Edward’s eyes were on him now, crawling across his chest; he could hear the boy’s breathing quicken as he fumbled with his belt. Edward’s embarrassment seemed to be fading in face of satisfaction; when he looked up again, the boy was jerking up into his hand and trembling, eyes half-lidded and smoldering. He kicked the pants and the underwear off in one fell swoop, and couldn’t resist putting a hand around his own cock. Edward hissed and shuddered before him, obviously excited just looking at him, and that was enough to get him going in earnest. Did the boy have any idea what he looked like when he did that, rosy little nipple perked up, mouth gaping, hand working like lightning, Roy couldn’t help but mirror it-

And oh hell, but it had been a while. Vaguely he recognized that it would be incredibly stupid if they just got off watching each other masturbate, but it felt so good that for the moment all he could do was stroke. It was Edward that stopped him, Edward’s whimpering (noises, he made faint little noises, Roy’s ears registered with glee) – the kid had called him out and dared him to touch him tonight, and by thunder, he was going to make good on his promises. He let himself go and moved carefully, closed the distance, and crawled across the mattress on all fours to slide a hand across Edward’s chest.

Edward jerked like a firecracker had been lit on his torso, let go of his cock in a spastic burst of surprise. Roy stroked down his front again, soothingly, murmured wordless croons of support. He slid a hand down Edward’s human arm, felt how feverishly hot it was, guided it back between the boy’s legs. Edward cried out as Roy’s hand molded his own back around his erection, and fuck, but the boy was so close it looked like it hurt. His cock was steel-hard and dripping, and it made him want to come in sympathy.

“Shh…” He had no idea why he was “shh’ing”, made him sound like an idiot, but the noise seemed to galvanize Edward into action. Shaking, he pulled his flesh hand out from under Roy’s and clawed at him, desperate, tried to throw his entire body into Roy’s hand. It sent Roy’s heart into his throat, and a wave of need into his groin.

Definitely. Virgin. And HOT.

He relented then and snaked his other arm around the boy’s shoulders, coaxed him to lay back so he could lie down next to him. He wrapped a hand firmly around the boy’s cock and otherwise let him writhe, mindful only of the automail leg that was pressed up against him. It didn’t take long, hardly any time at all, and when the boy came he spasmed, once, twice, hard in Roy’s arms, with an expression that made Roy want to gnaw through a bedpost. Fuck. He wanted to hike those legs up and fuck him into the mattress, or take that spent cock in his mouth and just suck until Edward came again, just to see that expression. He squirmed impatiently against Edward’s leg, but Edward didn’t seem to notice. What the hell. Just a damned (formerly) virgin teenage boy, silly and stamina-less and still too self-centered to think about a partner. He was barely even awake.

He was also still the hottest thing on wheels, and this time, they both knew it.

“Get…towel?” Edward mumbled, stirring only enough to look up with unfocused eyes.

“Get it yourself.” Roy retorted, though they both knew he was the one headed to the bathroom; he needed a nice long shower alone with his right hand – or maybe a nice short one, he revised, looking down again at Edward stretched out, chest spattered with his own come.

“Get th’ towel ‘n I’ll let you fuck me again later?” Edward yawned.

Edward got his towel.

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A few days later, two men bumped into each other in halls of Central Command. An easily mistake really – especially when in a hurry, carrying heavy crates of paper. Nothing out of the ordinary.

What was out of the ordinary was that one of them had done a 180 to make the collision possible, and had in fact even backtracked several feet.

“You hitting on me again?” Edward asked with a grin as he elbowed a crate away from his person.

“I sincerely hope so.” Roy Mustang replied, and “accidentally” tripped and pinned Edward against the wall.