Pearls Before Princes

Title: Pearls Before Princes - or, Pearls Before Swive
Pairing Ling/Ed
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Humor, PWP

A/N: A "pearl necklace" is a euphemism for a facial (ejaculating onto someone's face/neck. I'm sure you all think you can see where this is going... XD

=

Being stuck in Amestris, he had finally, grudgingly, had to admit, had a certain ring of poetic justice.

Of course, it was not something he would ever admit to the rest of the court (and Ling preferred, on the whole, not to talk to his insipid half-brothers anyway), but there was no denying that sometimes, history did in fact repeat itself. It was said that the Yao family had first been founded by a scholar who had come from far lands seeking great treasure; a poet in search of divine inspiration so his words could be immortalized. He'd found it in a princess, a creature of great beauty that he adorned with words and song and made her even more heavenly in the eyes of her already doting father, and thus raised himself to the ranks of the exalted. Now, centuries later, in a twist-about of sorts, Ling found himself a prince headed into far lands, searching for immortality that would inspire the royal family to divine a reason not to cast his rank out entirely. He had enough of the poet's blood in him to recognize the irony there.

How fitting and appropriate, he mused softly to himself, that unexpectedly on his way, he had also found his own heavenly creature.

Though definitely not a princess. An alchemist, with skills valuable in their own right, but also a thing of great beauty that fired the heart and engaged the mind. Made him want to bend down and compose songs, poems, sonnets; perhaps an interpretive dance or two. At first, the urge had surprised him with its intensity, but as time went on, that too he came to recognize as somehow perfectly fitting. As the last great-great-great-great-(and perhaps some other number of greats; genealogy had honestly always bored him) grandchild of the legendary Yao Ming, why should he be surprised to have such hidden depths? Such an inclination toward muses? Why, were he to pen this feeling down (assuming, of course, he could find time in his busy schedule of lolligagging, investigating local cuisine, and otherwise enjoying himself) he was certain the verses he would create would outsell even Laughing Ox's tales. (This would, of course, be a feat considering Laughing Ox had written the venerable "Three Passionate Women in One Feather Bed"). Why, with his bloodline and talents, it would not be beyond him indeed to woo a princess (or alchemist), and win!

That sculptured face was gazing up at him now, that handsome nose that begged to have a thousand verses written about it alone; a spill of bright golden hair like strands of spun metal; a perfect, godly mouth opening to usher forth melodious words -

"What the fuck is this shit?"

Ling blinked for a moment, somewhat confused. Edward thrust the box Ling had just given him up into his face, accusingly.

"Pearls, Edward," Ling said. He peered into the jewelry box just to be sure, but yes, the piece was exactly what he had ordered Ran Fan to deliver. "What, have you not seen any before? I'm sorry, I forget that your country has no ocean."

"I know what pearls are!" Edward hissed, swelling up like an angry cat. Ling couldn't help but notice how exquisite the muscles of his shoulders looked when he tensed like that. "Why the hell did you give them to me?"

Ah. All made sense now. For some reason, poor Edward seemed completely unaware of his own inherent attractiveness; unlike the princess in the stories (whom Ling had always found a trifle dull), Edward's reaction to metered verse or epic song about the quality of his jawline was to flush red and screech incoherent things. Which of course, inspired even more song. "The soul of poetry vist'd man in an unwitting muse," wrote one of the venerable masters of old, and Edward certainly put the 'unwitting' in it.

"Because when the master of heaven first forged the heavens and sea, he gave the earth a sun, that all might bask beneath its glorious light," Ling paraphrased, hoping that his delivery was not too lacking. "And the people gave offerings and thanks to the sun, as was fitting and appropriate."

Edward's nostrils flared. "English, please?"

Ling sighed. "You are beautiful and they suit your coloration," he translated.

And predictably, there was the sputtering, and the hot faced denial. Ling wondered if Edward realized he was often at his most beautiful when he was growing belligerent.

"Okay, you know what? You can stop it right there," Edward claimed, and thrust the box back at the prince. "You think this shit works on me? Dammit, I'm not a girl."

"I'm well aware you're not," Ling breathed, his eyes sliding down Edward's front hungrily. Oh, sonnets would be written indeed about that glorious, glorious font of inspiration.

His thoughts seemed to translate well enough that time. Edward's flush darkened with a different sort of emotion.

"O-okay, but why did you give me a damned necklace then?" Edward valiantly forged forward with his greivance, too bull-headed stubborn to give up the annoyance just yet.

He leaned forward and brushed some of that silky hair back along the man's neck, watched appreciatively as predictably, Edward's form was racked by a minute shudder.

"Because tonight, as they say in my homeland, I intend to give you a real 'pearl necklace'."

Edward's brow furrowed for a moment. His lips worked for a moment as he considered the euphemism...then abruptly, without warning, he brought his knee crashing into Ling's gut.

"Like HELL you will!!!!"

Ling winced and toppled over, staring up through the tears at Edward's quivering indignance, and sighed.

Ah, poetry in motion.

Apparently it was true that sometimes, one had to suffer for one's art.

=

Al was back at the inn by the time Ed came storming in, but after seeing the thunderclouds gathered over his brother's head, he quickly found an excuse to be out again. Which of course, only served to put Ed in an even worse mood than before. He could have used someone sane to be around, he thought in frustration, kicking aimlessly at a piece of the shoddy hotel furniture. That damned Xingian mooch? Definitely did not qualify.

He flopped on his back onto his bed, winced a little at the gunshot crack that produced. Damned hotel mattresses. Always too noisy; always made him immediately think about...that. His first time had been in a place just like this, and he'd been terrified the entire time that the springs were going to give him away, that Al was going to come in and ask what was wrong, and then AL would have to deal with Ling, and the two of them would have been naked, and there would have been no way to explain except help, it was all his idea, I had nothing to do with it, ohholyfuckdon'tlookatus -

Except Al was smart enough to see through that, wasn't he? Ed punched the mattress moodily. Hell, he himself should be. Royalty and bodyguards and martial arts mumbo-jumbo notwithstanding, he could kick Ling's ass any day. He knew he could, just like he knew the back of his hand, or the serial number to his automail.

Which meant then, he had to concede that that time in Dublith, he'd let Ling jack him off.

And that time in the shower, he'd let Ling pin him up against the wall.

And just now, when Ling was being such a dick and hitting on him...

...why the fuck did he still have that necklace, anyway?

He stuffed his hand into his left pocket and fished around for it, pulled it out and dangled it in front of his face. It was a gorgeous piece - for a chick, of course, but hey. In the privacy of his own room, he could at least appreciate that it was probably damned expensive. A full strand of fat white Xingian pearls, increasing in size from the outer edges in toward the center, culminating in a huge, rose-hued one in the middle. And they were all real, not alchemized; Ed was sure of that. One thing about Ling, when he DID deign to treat you to something, he didn't pull out any stops. Too bad this, like many of his other gifts, was over the top and wholly inappropriate. Kind of like Ling himself.

Ed snorted and dropped the pearls down onto his chest, let his arm flop to one side. He considered what he should be doing. Now that he'd managed to scare Al off (ugh, shit, he should probably go and apologize), they weren't going to get anywhere on sneaking into that library this afternoon. Maybe they should stay in and work on decrypting that text Colonel Bastard had snuck them...or he could take a nap and they could sneak into the library at night, or...

...or Ling could be sneaking up to pounce on him in his peripheral vision.

"Ah, figures. You're wanting these back now, huh?" Without turning his head, Ed flung the strand of pearls in the general direction of Ling's head. A subtle yip told him they'd hit their mark.

"Edwaaard, that wasn't very nice," Ling complained in what Ed knew for a fact was a calculatedly hurt voice. For one, he hadn't thrown THAT hard. He thought briefly about some sort of come back, but none of the standard ones seemed terribly wise. Once, only once, he had responded to something like that with "eat me", and that had lead to the...shower incident, as he tended to label it when he couldn't afford an erection.

"Go away," he rasped instead, flipping onto his side to hide the erection he was somehow developing anyway. Damned shower incident.

"You don't mean that," Ling said in an irritatingly smooth way. Ed twisted his head back to give the bastard a baleful eye.

"Way to put words in my mouth, bastard."

"That's not all I'd like to put in your mouth," the man purred and those dark eyes suddenly became smoldering slits. Ed's cock leapt in his pants and he snarled; dammit, just where did the guy get off being so damn sexy!?

It was definitely, one hundred percent all Ling's fault, Ed decided as the springs wheezed and Ling joined him on the bed. He could certainly kick Ling's ass if he weren't wiggling it at him like that.

Ling spooned up beside him, and of course, Ed wound up letting him.

"Oh the rising sun, how magnificent you are! I bask beneath you," Ling breathed at his back, squeezing a hand down over Ed's groin at the word "rising". The sudden pressure was so electric, combined with the rather pleasant thought of Ling "beneath" him (he didn't get what the man's thing with comparing him to the sun was, but the trouble with flowery crap was that after a while you sort of got used to it) made him throb in Ling's hand.

"Make it quick," he ordered, and rolled over onto his back, in toward Ling. "Al won't be gone for very long."

The madness, of course, of letting Ling do this to him at all when Al could be coming back nipped at the edges of his consciousness, but his heartbeat pounding triple-time right down through his cock gave him a perfectly good reason. Ling's hand at his waist band unbuttoning his pants was another. He hissed and wriggled and even lifted his hips up magnanimously so the man could have an easier time rolling them down. Leather was a bitch under normal situations, but in summer heat when he was also sweating with one hell of a hard-on, sometimes it unfortunately clung to his legs.

That seemed to be the case right now, or perhaps, Ling was just too lazy to try. He left Ed's pants and boxers bunched just above his knees, and Ed squirmed in slight discomfort at not being able to spread his knees apart, but then Ling elected to start laying kisses at the root of his cock and he realized he no longer cared.

Oh fuck, that felt so much better than doing it himself, at night alone in a shower stall fucking a fistful of conditioner and pretending it was something much tighter.

"Behold, my ruler, whose rod and staff are mighty and wielded with care," Ling said in a sing-song voice, obviously quoting something. Ed rolled his eyes and complained, when next he was able to draw air to his lungs.

"I will never understand your fucking poetry kink--oh fuck--," he puffed, looking down just in time to see Ling's thin mouth open up to swallow his cock; a sight which made his eyes roll back in his head and stay there.

Ling sucked for several long, toe-curling moments before releasing him to answer.

"I fail to see what's wrong with it. Do your people not take pride in their traditions?"

Ed panted and rocked his hips forward, needing, begging; his cock wanted so bad to be back inside that wet hot suction that he thought it might mutiny from his body to go live with Ling. "How about the tradition where you get back to sucking my cock until I come? Ling, fuck!"

"Yes," Ling smiled, and his eyes were as dangerous and as full of dark mischief as Ed had ever seen them. "Ling, fuck indeed. I am considering perhaps it's time to introduce you to another venerable tradition my people have passed down throughout the ages. Tell me, Ed, have you ever read the works of Laughing Ox?"

"Not more poetry!!"

Ed groaned as he thrust and managed to touch just the tip of his cock to Ling's fluttering lips, minute contact that nevertheless sent a shiver of sensuality up through his groin. He tried to kick his pants the rest of the way off so he could wiggle out from under the man who was lying on his knees, but belatedly he realized his boots were still on. Pants weren't going to come off. And unless he wanted to hit Ling with the automail and get bit for his efforts, he was currently stuck.

Ling's smile was doing nothing to reassure him.

"In this case, I was referring to the subject of the verse, my dear friend," the black-haired demon denying him orgasm smirked. "Tell me, do you know the real reason one gives pearls to their lover?"

Ling was going to let him come on his face?! Maybe? Hopefully. Ohfuckohfuck. Ed's cock tightened again to the point where it almost hurt. His come on that aristocratic face, in that dark hair, ohholymotherofheaven fuck, fuck, FUCK.

"Just shut up and do it!" Ed howled and thrust his hips forward, clawing the crap sheets beneath him into ribbons with his automail. Al always wondered why their accommodations were always so wrecked when "Ed" got through with them, hell, it was LING'S fault, all cursed, dastardly, downright wonderful Ling's.

A hand snaked under his ass and lifted it up, and a slick finger began probing him in places where fingers definitely did not go.

"What the fuck!?" he gasped, and Ling grinned up at him wickedly, withdrew his hand briefly to waggle a familiar phial at Ed.

"Uh-uh, no," Ed shook his head and briefly made an attempt to wiggle backwards. "Not that shit again. I told you, I'm not into that."

"And I've told you, one can learn to like it," Ling said, and the finger returned to massage insistently, in ways that made Ed pause and shiver in confusion. Dammit, that was his ass Ling was messing with. His ass, things were not supposed to going up there. He was right to be pissed as hell; Ling had all but promised to let him give the man a facial, and here he was reneg'ing...

...but damn, he would be lying if he said it didn't feel nice to have just a little pressure down there while Ling periodically licked at his cock.

"You're still not fucking me," Ed challenged, trying to make himself meet Ling's eyes. It was his last holdout, and he was going to make this one stay. Handjobs, he'd conceded. Blowjobs, he'd conceded happily. But there was something about the indignity of letting Ling fuck him (Ling of all people!)...he couldn't imagine why anyone would want to do that, unless they were into being an obedient little slut. The few times he had stuck a finger up there experimenting by himself, it had damn well hurt.

And Ling was an okay guy (especially in bed), but Ed would be damned if he was going to make his tail hurt for him.

"Oh I promise, I won't be," Ling purred, and pressed a little harder, drawing a shaky groan out of Ed in spite of himself.

Something cool and round pressed up against his asshole.

"The hell!?" Ed squeaked and tried to lift himself away, but Ling was ready for him and grabbed one thigh with surprising strength. Ling's fingers urged the thing forward until abruptly, and alarmingly, the hard nub was all the way inside of him.

Whatthehellwhatthehellwhatthehell. Ed jerked halfway up to sitting and looked down in horror to see Ling playing with the end of the pearl necklace - unclasped, played out between his hands, and with the far end disappeared into his ass.

For a moment, there were no words for the horror.

"LING!" he screeched, drew the automail back, and only the sudden realization that Ling's fingers were still working, he was doing something down there, had Ed's most vulnerable of parts within biting range kept him from smashing it down on the bastard's head.

"Shh, relax!" Ling shushed him as if he were a petulant child, and not a man whose person had just been violated in the most extreme way possible. "It's okay, it'll feel good."

"...HOW?" was the only thing Ed could sputter. "But it's supposed to go around the neck," he protested weakly. It was the only thing that made sense. There was jewelry...in his ass...

"Laughing Ox's Nine Spheres of Heaven," Ling said, as if that were any kind of explanation. "The venerable sages of my land have long taught us that the patient lover is kind and gentle, and always prepares the initiate for the trials ahead. And to use lots of lubricant."

"Ling," Ed growled, gritting his teeth. "What is a necklace...doing...in my ASS!?"

Ling smiled up at him wickedly. "Did anyone ever tell you that when you turn that shade of purple, your face is like unto a summer stormcloud, passing just over the horizon at dusk?"

Something in his expression then must have reminded Ling that stormclouds bear lightning, because the man suddenly backtracked, offered up a surprisingly recalcitrant look.

"The idea is to work up to taking something larger, using beads of increasing size. They stimulate you from inside and feel good."

"Like hell they do!"

"What? Does it hurt?" Ling asked, sounding anxious.

"Well..." Ed was forced to consider. "Okay, no." It felt strange having something pressing into his ass, but not really bad, he supposed. Kind of titilating and nerve-wracking at the same time to know something was inside him.

"Good," Ling purred. "Lie back down." Lubed fingers pushed again.

Ed trembled a little and considered. "Okay...but if it hurts, I'm kicking your teeth in," he warned.

"Okay," came the response, and a push, and then the second pearl was in. Ed hissed, low and feral, and Ling made good on it by once again licking at his cock.

And oh, wow, did that feel good. Ed flexed his hips up a little, carefully because of the fingers still prodding him, but Ling thankfully got the hint and opened his mouth a little wider. The pearls shifted inside him ever so slightly and Ed shuddered at the stimulation shooting tinglies up his rump, in combination with the hotslicktight feeling of Ling's mouth. Ling's eyes, drawn to aroused slits, glanced up at him as he sucked, and Ed had breath only to whimper. Damn, he was going to kick Ling's ass when this was over with. Damn, he was going to kick Ling's ass if he didn't get on with it.

Long, teasing licks down the underside of his cock, coupled with the strange and intense sensation of fingers teasing at his anus, the increasingly weighty feeling of the pearls inside him. Each one that went in made his muscles flex and ache a little, only to be soothed away with kisses to the head of his cock (oh damn but he was going to dehydrate himself, he was getting precome all over the place). He was faintly aware he was making noises now, as well as rocking his hips ever so slightly, fascinated by that shifting feeling inside him, something pressing against him from within and without at the same time.

"You're so tight, just the pearls are getting you off, aren't they," Ling breathed over his cock with something akin to wonder, and Ed grimaced at nothing more than the feeling of Ling's breath on wet skin. Oh fuck he wanted to come, fuck, it wasn't enough, he pressed his hips up harder, higher -

Ling sunk another inside him and suddenly the pleasure in his rump was setting him off in the front too, a familiar cascading reaction that he knew as well as he knew his own heartbeat. His balls contracted hard against his body and he choked the warning out to Ling, beautiful, glorious Ling who was currently lapping at the underside of his cock.

"Gonna--come--"

In the second before the rush came, he saw Ling give a sudden and pointed smile. His vision grayed, and in that moment, he felt Ling reach down and pull the necklace out.

His body locked into one solid, pleasurable scream.

=

Previously in his (admittedly short) sex life, Ed had never felt the need to be all snuggly after intercourse. That was "lovey dovey bullshit", and he'd just as soon roll over and go to sleep. Then again, he had also never had an orgasm that left him solidly unable to breathe for damn near half a minute.

"You enjoyed that, I see," Ling remarked smugly and Ed, to his chagrin, was too wiped out to be offended at the man's patronizing tone. Ling snuggled closer to him to kiss his ear, and Ed faintly recognized he didn't mind that, either. Well, what did you know? The mooch was useful once in a while after all.

"I'll have my servants attend to your linens," Ling said then, which Ed grumbled a little at. "Don't worry, I will shield your nakedness." He actually moved to do it, too. Ed swatted at him.

"What?" The prince kissed him again. "Surely you must know that some things are not for common eyes." He got that starry look again, which Ed was unfortunately beginning to associate with poetry. "The sun's gracious light is too dazzling for mortal eyes; burns all with its sheer radiance--"

Ed stuffed a pillow in Ling's face. Then he burrowed in to relax.

"At least," he noted slyly, "there's one thing I pulled over on you."

"Beg pardon?" Ling sputtered, looking as always insulted at being thwarted.

"You may have got me with the pearls," Ed smirked, looking up at Ling's freshly scrubbed face, which only a few minutes ago had been dripping with liquid much less exalted than rose water. "But I gave you the real 'pearl necklace'."