I loved you

A hand behind his back he’s smiling again like nothing had happened. I wonder for a second about the origin of that habit, it’s a bit annoying and I’m already pissed off so that face isn’t really helping at all and I soon realise how I’m clenching my fists together readying yet another punch to his gut. I try to stop myself, but when the horror of realisation runs through his face I have no other option than to do it. I feel how his soft skin gives way and he spits blood on my shoulder trying to stay standing. Eventually his legs can’t hold him anymore and his tall figure falls to the ground. I watch as his arms wrap aroud his knees as he is too afraid to do anything. I stare at him for a second or two, I’m not quite sure, and I walk away without a thought in my head.

Back in my room I collapse on the bed. I feel how cold tears run down my cheeks. "Aren’t these things supposed to be hot?" I don’t know, so I don’t really care. All that matters is that in the morning I’m going have a terribe headache and right now my bodyheat is skyrocketing because of the injection I just applied. The liquid starts to take effect and I moan with pleasure. This is what I need to forget about the problems in my life. I know I shouldn’t have hit him, but I just couldn’t stop myself. I reach for a bottle of spirits, only to find it gone. The drug in my veins pumps my already high adrenaline level even higher and I storm out of the room only to find him gone.

"He too? Just... Left?" I feel a lump in my throat and quickly go to the bathroom to throw up everything I’ve eaten today, which really wasn’t much, just a small piece of plain bread and a bottle of cider. After I’ve thrown up I smell it. The booze is somewhere here, but I just don’t seem able to pinpoint it. I sniff the air a bit more and find the trace. I follow it and realise that he has poured it down the sink. I curse silenty and look at my reflection in the mirror. Raven dark hair is hanging over my face all greasy and smelly. I push it aside and catch the black pools of emptyness that somebody might call eyes. I stare at them for a moment and then look lower. I’ve certainly lost weight since last year. Bitter tears are trying to break through, and this time they are hot as hell itself. "Yeah, if only I could get there, that would be a vacation compared to this." I catch my thoughts before they enter last year. Last year was paradise. I had a boyfriend and a great family, lots of friends and a house where I was going to move into with him. I’ll never forget his eyes on the night of the ball. Handsome as ever he walked to me and asked me for a dance. I happily took his hand and followed him to the dancefloor. Everyone was staring, father was there too. I was so happy that my father was there to see how happy I had become. We danced and I saw from the corned of my eye how father and the proud prince discuss silenty about something obviously very important. For a second I feel like yelling at them for not looking, but he sweeps my legs from under me and bends me so I have no other choice than to lean on his strong arms. Right then I look at his eyes and see nothing. He has no emotion in them. That shooks me and I pull out after he has straightened us. I stare at him for a moment and realise that there is no feeling, least to me. After that realisation everything became a blur and I rush out of the room pushing his mother out of balance on my way out. She shouts something after me, but I don’t hear it. I don’t hear anything. Somehow I came to this point where I am now, beating up everyone who comes too close to me. Who tries to make me ‘healthy’ again. I am fucking healthy and I know exactly what I’m doing. I’m killing myself as slowly as possible as a punishment.

I never saw him again after that night. Or better, I never saw them after that night. None of them came to see me and just let me be. Except one. But now he’s gone too, so it really was no good. I sit on the cold floor leaning my back against the wall with the toilet bowl right next to me. I take a few deep breaths and stand up. I walk out of the door and in to the cool night air. I have no keys to get back in, but that’s ok, I’m not planning to go back in again. Ever. I start walking down the gravel road and see something orange leaning against a tree near the road. I stop and give the figure a murderous glare even without knowing who it is. When he walks to the light I recognize the same raven hair as mine and the same kind of black pools, but these are not empty, these are filled with love and concern. They make me almost vomit, I hate everyone who still has reasons to live. He sees my dislike and he just stares back a little confused.

"Son, when did you become like this?" The question isn’t judging, it’s just a question with a hint of worry in the sound, barely audible. I shrug my shoulders and claim that I have always been like this, "You just haven’t had the time to notice since you were dead!" I start falling and he catches me and smells the liquor and the drugs. Of course he does, he’s a full-blooded saiyan. He takes me to his arms and ITes us to his house. I smell the air and the first scent a catch is his scent. I try to struggle but fail due to the great gap between mine and my dads powerlevels. He carries me to the shower and washes me without a word. After he was done, he gives me new clothes and drags me to the kitchen where I see the prince sitting quite happily and he has a huge belly. Or maybe not huge, but it sure is big. His scent is somewhat soothing and for some reason I feel like I would want to go to him and sit there next to him, just smelling the aroma he’s spreading all over the room. My father releases me and without a thought I sit at the same table where the prince is sitting and look at him with dreamy eyes while I breath the aroma in throught my nostrils. The prince gives me a look and looks at my frowsy profile and overly long hair. Saiyan hair really grows fast without even noticing. Or maybe I just didn’t pay attention. Suddenly the prince rises to his feet. I can’t help but notice that his movements have slowed down a lot and he’s keeping his left hand on top of his belly. I wonder at this, how can the prince of all saiyans have swollen so much. He walks around the table and hugs me. Something clicks inside me and the burning hot tears that I have been holding back inside me burst out with violent shaking. He soothes me while he guides me to one of the bedrooms where I finally fall asleep. Goten comes to stand there with my father and the prince, his gut seems to be just fine as he looks at out father, clearly he is worried sick. Father just smiles back without a word. But there’s something wrong with the smile, it’s not a happy smile, it’s a very sad smile and as he no longer struggles against the tears he releases them, feeling sorry for his firstborns destiny.

Vegeta hugs him and my brother without any emotion written to his face. Then it strikes me. He was too happy to show it, so he just did like his father did everytime he knew he had a hard time of keeping his emotions in bay. I finally realise my mistake as Trunks runs down the hall and into the room. I watch as his younger self comes there too and stops dead in his track. Only mirai pushes forward through the grouphug at the door and falls right beside my bed, crying. I try to move, but it’s already too late. My body leaves me as I soar up through the roof and above the clouds. Oddly, I can still see him crying there right beside my cooling body.

"I loved you. I hope you didn’t, so you can move on. I’ll be watching you for all eternity, Trunks Briefs."