Because of Dreams

A/N: I haven't written in years and it was because of this beautiful piece that brought the muse back in me. For the time being at least:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=b0FmDWAUdoE&mode=related&search=

I think it goes perfectly with the story. Anywho.. here is said story. Enjoy!!!


How long had he loved the younger man? Roy couldn't be sure, mostly due to the fact that the raven haired man hadn't been able to come to terms with his feelings for his former inferior until recently. Roy shivered despite the layers of clothing that adorned his body. He stared listlessly out into the swirling blizzard that swarmed around him and found it funny that he seemed to contemplate upon these thoughts more often now that it wasn't for certain whether Edward Elric was dead or alive.

Cherish what is given to you, and life will have a meaning.

That particular phrase kept running across his mind every minute he stood out in the freezing cold. His mother was wise woman and taught him to appreciate everything that life had to offer. So why didn't he appreciate Edward enough?

Regret, so much more painful than the biting cold, kept rearing it's ugly head and accusing him of being selfish. But Roy knew he by no means meant to be selfish. His dream was to make the world a better place once he became Fuhrer but to become something as powerful as a Fuhrer, sacrifices were to be made. And Roy was terrified of sacrifices.
Unlike Edward, who sacrificed everything just for one person. Edward was someone Roy needed in his life. Someone that inspired him. Made him actually desire the strikingly beautiful younger man. Edward wasn't selfish. If he were, he'd be here today and the dull aching feeling of Edward's absence from this world reminded all that sacrifice was a small price to pay for the greater good.

Most nights, Roy dreamed of the former alchemist. Flashes of white slightly obscured the teens smiling face which transitioned into a scowling one. Sometimes, Roy dreamed as if he were not apart of the scene. Al and Edward would be resting under the tree that stood close to their own house and both would be pointing up at the azure sky; laughing and talking carelessly.

Those dreams were some of the few that made him subconsciously happy. It was as though those dreams portrayed an alternate world where their mother hadn't died, and Al was a normal boy as well as Edward being a carefree one. How Roy wished that those days
graced him with their presence, maybe then his relationship with the blond alchemist would have been one of respect and friendship. Or with the way Roy was accepting his feelings about Edward, the raven haired man liked to imagine that their relationship would be one of love.

Sure Roy had nightmares too. Ed dying was one that had him jerking back to awareness in the darkness of his small cabin. Breathing heavily Roy would raise a hand to his eye patch and allow it to hover above it for a few moments before allowing his hand to drop back down onto the mattress. Then reality struck so hard that it seemed to knock the wind out of him. Edward was no longer apart of this world and no one knew what had become of him. After waking from these dreams Roy had to fight hard not to cry. He didn't know why he felt such remorse for the younger man at the time. He thought that it could have been guilt. But later, he had found out it to be love and realized that he missed the young adult more than anyone.

Now there were dreams where Roy would wake up and find that tears had, in fact, welled up behind his closed lids and slid down to his pillow. These dreams Roy wished were a reality that he had been given the chance to act upon before it was too late. In these dreams Edward's touch was gentle and affectionate.

In these dreams, Ed didn't scowl at him or call him nasty names. On the contrary, Ed smiled down at him with adoration written all over his beautiful features.

The bed beneath them would creak in rhythm to their slow love-making. These dreams were the only ones that felt closest to reality. He would raise his hand and run it through loose, golden tresses and smile up at Ed as the younger man turned his face to nuzzle Roy's hand. Ed would then lean down and slightly press his lips to Roy's, asking for permission. To which Roy willingly obliged and opened his mouth to grant his lover access. Roy loved feeling Edward's body move up and down in time to his thrusts. What he loved more were the soft moans and groans issuing from pink, delicate lips. In these dreams Roy felt pride, probably the only time he felt it these days, at having Edward at his mercy and being able to be the only one to see the blond this way.

Roy would then switch positions and gently lay his lithe lover beneath him, all the while staying connected. He loved to watch as Edward would throw his he head back in ecstasy against the pillow as Roy thrust in deep. The feeling of warmth, wrapped around him in every sense made him feel like he was home. Edwards fingers, both real and metal, would tighten around his biceps. His breath coming shorter and Roy would thrust faster and harder. The bed would creak nosily but not loud enough to drown out Edward's oncoming exclamations. And always were these exclamations of love right before the blond climaxed.

"I love you, Roy. I love you."

And it was always with the exclamation that had Roy following soon after. He didn't know why Edward would say his first name in his dreams. Maybe it was because that a first name is used in terms of camaraderie. Friendship. Intimacy.

Roy's climax would always be a flash of white before fading into darkness. The darkness of the small cabin. It was then that Roy realized he finally woken up and because he was so used to doing it,reached up absentmindedly to wipe away his tears.

A gust of cold wind forced him from his contemplation and a crunch of snow in the distance brought his gaze up from it's usual averted state. Surprise flitted across his face as he saw Breda and Havoc making their way towards his cabin. What news did they have to bring? Despite formalities, Roy Mustang was still glad to see old friends. This way, it would give him a moment to distract him from the thoughts that have been plaguing him for the past year. Just for a moment.