Roy Mustang, Whore of the Military

“Colonel Archer sir, I’m respectfully requesting my time with Lt. Colonel Mustang.” Jean Havoc shifts uncomfortably as he waits for the Colonel to respond to him. It had taken all his nerve to come in and demand his time slot but he’d paid for it weeks ago – it was only right!

“Havoc, you know the rules” Archer snaps slamming open his calendar book. “You will not use Mustang’s military title when discussing him in this capacity.” He shoots a glaring look at Havoc. “Try again, Major.”

“Er, I want to book my time with… Roy?” He nearly chokes on his cigarette as Lt. Colonel Mustang stalks angrily into the room. His brow is crinkled in a frown. Havoc groans and adjusts his pants. That look. Oh god, that was the look that he wanted to see when he fucked the Lt. Colonel.

“No.” Archer shakes his head. “Wrong again.” He snaps his fingers and Roy Mustang sinks automatically to his knees next to his commanding officer. Archer absently strokes his head as he waits for Havoc to respond.

“Sir…” Havoc pleads looking nervously at Roy. He didn’t want to say it, especially not in front of his superior officer! Mustang was prone to some pretty volatile moods… The pretty man was still frowning but damn he looked good on his knees. Whatever the repercussions it would surely be worth it. Kimbley had said that the Lt. Colonel gave head like a porn star and sang like an angel when he came.

“Colonel Archer, I’d like to book my time with your um, your little whore” Havoc sucks in his breath, watching with arousal as Roy’s cheeks turn pink. “The military’s bitch, Roy Mustang, sir.”

“You mean my bitch, don’t you Major?” Archer chuckles. He reaches over and grabs a handful of Roy’s pert ass. The Lt. Colonel’s full lips fall open and he whimpers.

“Yes sir” Havoc swallows. He is about to request that his time begin now when Colonel Armstrong comes barreling in.

“Colonel Archer sir!” Major Armstrong bellows stepping right in front of Jean. “I know it’s short notice, sir but I respectfully request use of your glorious little whore for this evening!”

Son of a BITCH. Jean fumes silently and steps back in front of the hulking man. If Armstrong thought that he could just push him aside and flex his stupid muscles at Colonel Archer he was dead wrong!

“I was speaking, Major” Havoc snipes. He looks at Roy and finds the man positively cringing at the sight of Armstrong. Huh. The Lt. Colonel wasn’t exactly happy to see Armstrong… Not that he’d be either. The man was ridiculous!

“I’m sorry Major Armstrong but the last time you played with my toy you damaged him” Archer says stroking Mustang’s face. “I’m afraid I can’t allow you any further time with him.”

“Colonel!” Armstrong pleads. “Please sir! It is not my fault I was blessed with the Armstrong genes! Our size is a curse we cannot control, sir!”

“I care not, Major” Archer smirks, looking down at Roy. The man looks at him imploringly in a way that screams ‘please don’t leave me alone with that freak!’

“It took over a week for my pet’s little hole to heal.” Archer snaps, his hand wandering back to Roy’s thick hair. “That was a week of lost profits. By all rights I should be making you make up the difference!”

“I am sorry sir” Armstrong says solemnly. “I did not mean to damage your glorious property.”

“So, Colonel…” Havoc says. “Is tonight open then?”

“NO. It’s not open because I’M taking tonight!” Edward Elric bounces up to the Colonel’s desk and thrusts a fist full of money at him. “I got paid and I want him.” He points a gloved finger at Roy. “I’ll pay double whatever Havoc paid.”

“Double, hm?” The Colonel smiles. “Perhaps you’d like to outbid him, Major Havoc?”

“Edward! You little-“ Jean claps a hand over his mouth as he realizes his very grave mistake. “Er, I mean you big, tall bastard!”

“LITTLE?” Ed screams flapping his arms like a demented bird “WHO ARE YOU CALLING TOO SHRIMPY TO GET LAID??”

“I didn’t call you shrimpy!” Havoc protests.

Archer watches them with a raised brow. He snaps his fingers and points to his lap. Roy immediately gets off his knees and sits in Archer’s lap. He leans against the Colonel and spreads his legs wide, purring loudly as Archer squeezes his crotch.

“Good boy” Archer coos giving Roy a kiss. “All this is exciting my pet it seems. If no price is agreed upon soon I’ll have to use him myself. I don’t like to let his obedience to go unrewarded.”

“Me, sir!” Edward yelps waving more money at the Colonel. “Please Colonel Archer! I’m your best soldier-“

“What? You disappear without warning, blow things up and drain the military’s budget!” Havoc explodes. “How does that make you the best soldier, SHRIMP? Yeah I WENT THERE, SO?”

“I’m going to FLATTEN YOU” Ed screeches clapping his hands together.

“Not again” Archer groans. “EDWARD! Don’t you DARE…”

The boy freezes mid-transmutation. He reluctantly lowers his hands and glares at Havoc.

“Sir, with all due respect I paid for time with your bitch weeks ago and I feel it’s only fair that I get first dibs.” Havoc says. He is now busy watching the Colonel fondling Roy. The Lt. Colonel was blushing a hot red and but he was squirming in a way that made it clear he liked the attention. Havoc cannot help but rub his own painful erection. He was going to shoot his load before he even got the goods if this kept up.

“Oh come now, Major” Archer scolds scooting Roy off his lap. He turns the brunette to face him and unbuttons his pants. Then he slowly slides Roy’s pants and underwear down to his knees, exposing his luscious ass.

“I mean look at this, Major” He says pulling Roy’s face to his chest so he’s bent over. The Colonel grabs a round cheek in each hand and squeezes. His fingers leave distinct read imprints on the pale skin

“Have you ever seen such a gorgeous ass in your life?” Colonel Archer asks. Roy moans into his chest, his hands braced on Archer’s shoulders.

“Do you hear him moaning like the little whore he is? My poor pet, you’ll be used soon I promise.” Archer soothes tracing a finger between Roy’s cheeks. The man gasps and arches his back. He whimpers again and his mouth grazes Archer’s neck.

“It’s a glorious ass sir” Armstrong whispers, awestruck by the sight.

“Y-Yeah” Ed agrees. “G-glorious”

“I’ll use him for you” A raspy growl makes all eyes turn to the green haired teenager lounging in the doorway. “I’ll even play nice- mostly.”

“Aw, HELL no!” Archer snorts pulling Roy’s pants back up. He draws his now shivering pet back into his lap protectively. “Get the hell out of here Envy.”

“What? My money’s no good here?” The homunculus whines. “I promise not to turn myself into a giant sex toy this time!”

“OUT Envy”

“I’ll pay to watch” Envy offers, leering at Roy. “But if you don’t want my money-“

“WAIT” Frank Archer bellows much to his pet’s dismay. “You pay double and NO joining in OR touching.” He says. “OR changing yourself into anyone else or anything else! You may NOT morph into a bottle of lube, condom OR a sex toy”

“Fine” Envy smirks folding his arms across his chest. The idiot Colonel wouldn’t really trust him to behave could he?

“I mean it Envy”

“I don’t WANT him watching!” Havoc howls.

“Who said you had a choice?” Frank snaps. “You haven’t won the bid for the evening after all”

“I already PAID!!”

“Pussy” Ed scoffs throwing down another pile of bills on the Colonel’s desk.

“Dwarf!” Havoc screeches back.

“LADIES please” Colonel Archer pinches the bridge of his nose. A major headache was forming all due to these insufferable fools.

“You want a fat lip you bastard-“ Ed points a metal fist in Havoc’s direction.

“You couldn’t REACH my lips!” Havoc snorts blowing a cloud of cigarette smoke at the braided boy. “Oops, my bad! Cigarette smoke will stunt your growth even more”

“BASTARD I’LL-“ Suddenly the entire room is silent save for the rain of bullets that dance around Havoc and Ed.

“Shit” Archer groans rubbing his temples. Gunfire only meant one thing…

“Lt. Hawkeye why’d you do that?” Ed whines, shutting up as the Lt. points the barrel of her gun at him.

“Shut UP Ed.” She orders brushing both men out of her way. She perches on the corner of the Colonel’s desk and eyes Roy Mustang as if she wanted to eat him alive.

“Colonel Archer, sir if you’d allow me to claim this evening I can promise you that in return you’ll have a very obedient and sweet pet when I am through with him.” She purrs, tearing her eyes away from Roy long enough to offer a half-assed salute to the Colonel.

“Fuck” Archer grumbles under his breath. This was turning into a near repeat of last Friday night.

“You need a session with Riza don’t you, pet?” Lt. Hawkeye coos to the now cowering Roy. He shakes his head with a whimper and shrinks against Frank.

“Colonel Archer, sir? It would be –“

“Forget it, Hawkeye” Archer snaps running a hand through his hair irritably. The bitch was crazier than the rest of them put together. Last time he’d allowed her time with Roy he’d come back welted from head to toe and pierced in several places. Was she nuts? Yes, she definitely was.

“But sir-“

“I said NO, Lieutenant.”

“Why sir?” Riza pouts glaring at Havoc and Ed as they snicker at her. “You’d rather lend him to one of THESE incompetent fools?”

“I’d rather NOT lend him to someone who becomes Mistress Hawkeye, Queen of Evil the moment I turn my back.” Archer growls slamming a fist on the desk. “Or some freakshow who can lift a house over his head OR a psychopath who can change into inanimate objects OR a midget with anger issues OR a slacker who gets cigarette ashes everywhere-“

“Guess that leaves me” Maes Hughes drawls, lounging in the doorway. He smiles at Roy who jumps to his feet and hurries over to him instantly. The brunette kneels down and wraps his arms around Maes’ leg, rubbing his face against him.


“I’ll be happy to take this evening’s block of time” Hughes smiles as he picks Roy Mustang up in his arms. The smaller man purrs in contentment as he’s slung over Maes’ broad shoulder.

“Yes Fuhrer sir!” Archer snaps to attention and salutes his leader prompting all the remaining soldiers to follow.

“I do hope I haven’t ruined anyone’s Friday night” Hughes says innocently. He plants a hand firmly on Roy’s ass and grins from ear to ear.

“Not at all Sir” Havoc grumbles as the Fuhrer walks past him.

“Smooth talking bastard!” Ed whispers under his breath when Maes reaches the door. Envy snickers at him from his hiding place behind the filing cabinet.

“I heard that Edward” Maes smirks. “Oh and Envy? You can watch if you want…”

~fin~