After All

Heero stood silently looking upon that cold stone marker. It was a very hot day but that stone had made even the hottest weather seem like the middle of winter. That stone reminded him that he was alone now, after all. It hurt to know that he was alone. That stone seemed to gaze at him, telling him that it would be okay. He looked upon it, looking at the words that were written on it. 'Here lies Duo Maxwell. May his spirit carry on.' Heero cringed every time he read those words, but yet, he couldn't seem to stop reading them. They reminded him of one thing, that Duo was dead. He was dead and he wasn't coming back. "Why did they take him Quatre? It's not fair that he had to die. One of us should have been there. I would have gladly died in his place."

Quatre looked down at the grave that held one of his best friends, Duo Maxwell. It had been a month since his death and Heero had not been sane at all since then. Duo had gone on a mission, and he had not returned. When he was scheduled to return, the Preventers brought back his body. He had been shot in the head. The bullet had pierced him right between the eyes, right between those beautiful violet eyes. "It was his time to go," Quatre said softly. "Heero, if you would have died, Duo would be here doing the same thing you are now."

Heero had almost gone insane after Duo's death. He quit sleeping, hoping that he would hear Duo come in and hop into bed. He didn't eat anymore. Life had no meaning to it, no purpose without his lover, Duo. He never did anything without Duo and he wasn't about to start now. He had to face reality though. It was smacking him hard in the face. Harder than Quatre could slap and that was quite hard. "Why did he get sent on that mission alone? Didn't Sally even consider that there might be an ambush?"

"Heero, you know those are questions I can't answer," Quatre replied. He looked at Heero, his sad green eyes welling up with tears. "I know it's hard, but I can't imagine the pain that you are going through right now."

Heero collapsed to his knees and looked up at Quatre, eyes full of tears. "Quatre, I couldn't save him. I couldn't save him! Why couldn't I fucking save him?!"

Quatre knelt down and held Heero in his arms, trying to soothe him and comfort him. "Heero, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry." Tears streamed down Quatre's face as he tightened his grip around his friend. He loved Heero and wasn't going to let anything hurt him again. He wanted to be there for Heero until the end.

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"We come here today to say goodbye to someone who was a great man, a great soldier and a great friend. This man was Duo Maxwell," said Sally. She was his commanding officer and she was automatically the one that had to speak. "There comes a time when every soldier dies, whether it is fighting a war, saving a life or of old age." Sally was thinking of things to say. There wasn't much she could say. She looked at everyone sitting out in the crowd. There weren't many people there. It was sad, a soldier as brave as Duo and no one comes to pay their respects, except for his three closest friends and his lover.

Heero tried to look strong the whole time. He was alone now, he felt it, like a piercing bullet, taking your life away instantly, but this one took away his partner. He remembered Duo's beautiful face. The way his eyes lit up when Heero told him things. The way he said he loved him. His voice, he would do anything to hear that voice again. That soft, kind voice that he had grown so accustomed to. He felt like taking his own life. He wanted to be eternally there with Duo, knowing that he would never be apart from him again. That, more than anything, would satisfy him.

The bugle player began to play Taps and that's when Heero lost it. He heard that song played every day and knew what that song was played for. It had never bothered him until now. Tears flowed out of his eyes quicker than he could wipe them away. He knew that Duo was dead. It was reality and he would have to live with it. He ran up to Duo's coffin and layed his head on it. Crying fiercely as he did so. He beat his fist on the coffin as he wailed and Taps played on. The guns began to fire, one at a time, all the way to 21. Heero felt like his world had just ended. He softly whispered Duo's name over and over again, as if that would bring him back to life. It seemed to soothe Heero in a way. It was still sad watching him say his lovers name over and over again, crying and hoping that this was all a bad dream. But it wasn't a bad dream, this was reality, the real reality.

It took Trowa and Wu Fei to pull him away from the coffin so that they could set Duo in the ground. The other soldiers on funeral detail had folded the flag and Sally had taken it to him.

She stood in front of him, holding the flag out, along with Duo's dogtags. She knew that he was about to lose it again. That was the last thing that belonged to Duo that he had been given. It showed what he had died for. He died for his country. In that respect, Heero was proud, but the fact that he died almost killed him. Heero took them and his tears began to flow again. He didn't think he would ever be the same person again. A part of him died when that bullet took Duo's life. He had seen Duo get shot several times. He'd seen him with five bullet wounds at one time and he survived to tell the tale. He knew someday it would happen. Heero knew that one of them would die sooner or later. It was all part of the game that they played. That game was war and when you fight all the time, someone is bound to punish you for all the lives you have stolen.
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"Heero," Quatre said, "I can in no way begin to understand what you are going through. But, don't blame Duo, he was doing his job. He died to make sure the rest of us keep on living. He kept a war from breaking out. We didn't know that he would be ambushed and killed. He did it to keep all the ones he loves alive and well."

Heero's cell phone began ringing. It was Sally. He handed it to Quatre.

"Hello," Quatre answered, "Heero Yuy's answering machine, can I take a message?"

"Hi Quatre," Sally greeted. "I know Heero is next to you, hand him the phone. I have something to tell him. Duo recorded a video message before he died. It says for 01's eyes only. It's a message for Heero."

Quatre hands Heero the phone, "You might want to talk to Sally this time."

"Hello," Heero answered, still sounding like he was crying. He tried to wipe all the tears from his eyes.

"How quickly can you make it here? I have a message that Duo left for you, he recorded it before he died. I need you to get here to watch it."

Heero's heart skipped a beat, "I will be there shortly. We are going to Preventer's, Quatre."

Quatre nodded at him with a smile. Heero had resigned after Duo's death. He didn't want to be involved with war anymore after he lost something so precious. He saw how important life was that day. He would never kill again. He agreed with Heero on that topic. He would support him in whatever endeavors he would come across in the future. "Okay, Heero. I will go with you."

Heero grinned at Quatre, getting back on his feet, wiping the remaining tears from his eyes. He put his hand on the top of the tombstone and ran his hand across it. "I will come back to visit you, Duo, I promise." Heero stepped back a little and he waved goodbye to Duo. Heero walked away, followed by Quatre, who saw the intense pain in his eyes. His look was so serious, Quatre knew almost what Heero might be thinking. He knew that Heero longed to see Duo again and this recording was what he had left. It was the only thing.

The drive to the Preventer's building was a long one. Heero drove his motorcycle with Quatre on the back. Heero's driving was almost reckless, as if he didn't care that there was someone else riding along. He had one thing on his mind. Duo. He would get to see him again, even if it just was a recording.

He regretted all those times while he sat typing away on his laptop and Duo begged him to come and watch a movie or take a nap with him. He was truly sorry for all those times he put work in front of his lover. He would never do that again. He would never have the chance to do it again. Duo was gone. He cursed all the times he didn't say 'I love you'. But, all those times he put work in front of Duo, he soon knew that something would happen in the near future. Work took Duo away from him.