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An End to a Never-ending Story	By : DarkSerapha Category: Dragon Ball Z > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 776 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own DragonballZ, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-An End to a Neverending Story
- 2-German Version
- 1
- 2
Pairing: Goku x Vegeta (a
little Trunks x Goten, too)
Disclaimer: Unfortunately
none of the characters in the following story belongs to me, which is a shame
as I would love to own Vegeta... *grin* I promise not to make any money
with it.

A/N:
Another old, ooold story. I’m warning you now,
this is sappy. Very much so. And even though it’s
a deathfic, it has a happy-end (I couldn’t have
written it otherwise, I think). Also, it’s really bad, but people seemed
to like it well enough, so I’m reposting it. The second chapter is not a
real chapter, but the german translation of this
story, in case there’s someone here who prefers to read it in german. (not likely, but it’s
sitting here on my harddrive, so why not).

An End to a Never-ending
Story (Mugenni Monogatari no Owari)
It is a never-ending story.
We keep on fighting each other, teasing each other, he subdues me once again
– I fail once again. It is going to continue like this, going to follow
us, going to – maybe – destroy us in the end. At least it will
surely destroy me. It already has nearly done so. I will put an end to the never-ending
story.
He does not understand. He
never knew. Never knew about my true feelings. If I had only been able to even
once beat him after our initial encounter, I could have told him. But somehow
he always was stronger. He always won. I was inferior. So I accepted my fate
– and remained silent.
Well, maybe silent isn’t
the right choice of words. I yelled at him as often as possible – I
called him all the names I could make up – but it was nothing than a mere
disguise for my aching heart. I could not tell him the truth, so I called out
lies to him... until we got so tangled up in this that I could not change my
behaviour anymore.
So I kept on being the
seemingly hateful, ungrateful creature that everyone believes me to be. None of
them ever thought I was capable of even having a heart. Maybe Bulma was the one
exception. But even she failed in the end to see through all the disguises and
barriers I have wrapped around myself to protect me from harm.
And he ... he could of
course not see through it. Naive fool, that he has always been… here I go
again, calling him names – baka, bakayaro,
fool, low-class bastard – well, whatever comes to mind.
How could he ever understand. He has lost his memories of the proper
upbringing he must have been given at some point. He does not remember about
his saiyan heritage. This means he does not know about the rituals. About what
it means to bond. There was a time when I guessed that he had figured it out,
but was still subduing me, telling me that he did not accept me. It nearly
broke my heart. I thought this could only mean that he had no feelings for me,
no respect… I nearly killed myself then.
Allright, so I got myself killed. I did not
expect the afterlife to be as painful as this life was, but I was allowed to
stay in my body, my mind not finding the peace that it sought. I was
“mercifully” allowed to watch... watch him! And then they returned
me to earth. I wished for it secretly, but it was a torture to be granted that
wish. To meet him once again. But yes, I was thankful
as I made an astonishing discovery. He had not figured it out. He was as
clueless as always.
And he kept being that way, though through the following fights I thought that I
gave every hint possible. I laid down my pride, but it was not enough. I was
not to tell, I could not – I am royalty after all, I can’t give
away my heart on a silver tablet to anyone just crossing the street.
Saiyan bonding and mating
is a very complex thing. It not just involves two hearts, but two strong minds.
Even here on earth finding your partner is not a very easy thing, as I found
out by watching the earthlings tangle themselves up in hopeless love-affairs. But
on Vegeta-sei – it was even much harder. And the hardest it was for a
member of the royal family.
There are lots of
formalities to keep. I have thrown most of them overboard. Useless, since the
planet has been destroyed and the race has been extinguished just like that. No
“Ring of the Inner Flame” that I could proudly bestow on my beloved
one to show my feelings, no great ball at the evening of the Darkest Shadows to
ask for the first dance, no “Arc of Burning Pride” to steal a first
kiss beneath... all gone.
My whole past has been
destroyed and so I fail to move on into the future. I am hovering in between,
nothing here to hold me, to catch me, to connect me to this world – his
world. For he fully lives in the present, neither thinking of past nor future,
just dwelling in the beauty of this world – and beautiful it is, just
like him. So very beautiful. That
thick ebony hair, which turns this amazing shade of gold whenever he changes.
Those deep dark eyes, gazing so very innocently into mine,
not knowing, not seeing the darkness inside me.
He never believed what
others said about me. Though we were enemies at first, he soon came to the
belief that I was good-hearted after all, and since then he has never lost his
trust in me. Maybe that was what changed me, what changed my mind – and
heart. Maybe that was what made me fall in love with him. His utter believe,
that I was worthy, first to be his opponent, then to be his friend. That was
the first time when I was truly happy. That was when a glimpse of hope caught
me, that we might be more than friends – one day. And so I kept training
to challenge him, waiting for a sign... but he never gave it. I could get as
strong as possible; I never was able to reach his level of sheer power. He kept
on dominating. My hopes were destroyed. As long as I was not able to even be on
his level, not to speak of better him, I was not allowed to speak about my
feelings. I was not worthy of him after all. This had been planted into my very
self so deeply throughout my upbringing that denying this would have meant
denying what I was, what I am. I – COULD – NOT- GIVE - IN.
Now I am tired. So many lost years. So many nights of
longing. So many unfulfilled dreams. And he is
still there, teasing me with his mere presence. Always
smiling, always keeping on being friendly – just before he slams me into
the ground or knocks me into a wall. I’ve done my share in
fighting back – and in hurting him, whenever he hurt me, though I know
that he did not about know how much he hurt me. Yes, I hurt him – just to
get rid of this pounding ache in my heart, but it never did anything good. He
just apologized to me after making me fail once again, grinning with his usual
happiness. Not understanding. Not seeing the grief in my eyes. Maybe he did see
it but did not want to understand. How ... why ...
I will end this pain now. My
life has had no other aim all through these years than to finally equal him. But
it could never be done. He is always one step ahead of me.
This is the royal “Knife
of Honour”. It has brought death to more than a few members of the royal
family of Vegeta-sei. It is the only honourable weapon to use, when all
reason’s gone and the only thing you can still look forward to is not to have anything to worry about anymore.
Normally it’s meant to
be used during a very complex and woeful ritual, including the three best
friends giving the honour of a last speech about the royal’s achievements
in live. Ten royal palace guards would have been chosen to kill themselves by
their master’s side to accompany him in afterlife. He would have to be
dressed in the purple robe of pride. And he would have been given the last
blessing by the High Priest. A week of public grievance would have been called
upon the people of Vegeta-sei afterwards.
All of this is not in reach
for me. All that I have is this knife, which I took with me for some reason I
chose to forget a very long time ago. When Freezer came to get me… ah,
yes… I took the knife with me, BECAUSE Freezer came to get me... why
didn’t I use it before? Whatever, that was a long time ago, and this is
not the time to think about what cannot be undone. I wonder. Did I never feel
worthy because of so many years of ... abuse…which I could not prevent
and terrible things I first was forced to do and afterwards did so they would
not be done to me? That is no excuse, I know. But could it be that this was why
I was not able to lay aside my pride and simply tell him? Because
I meant to somehow redeem myself and be worthy for him?
These thoughts are
fruitless.
I chose to pass away in
beauty. I would of course have preferred to die the death of a warrior,
fighting till the end, not having to regret anything. But since there is only
one damn creature on this planet who could kill me in a fair fight, that is not
an option. I could not make him do it. Even if I mocked him to the limit, he
would not. Possibly I could threaten him to destroy earth or something –
but what is even stronger than the wish to die an honourable death is the wish
that he will keep me in a somewhat good memory. Don’t know if he will
when I do it this way, but he certainly wouldn’t the other way.
So I found myself a nice
place. I am sitting on some rocks, beneath me lays a fairly big lake. It is
quiet. Water-lilies are covering the surface. Wind is softly brushing though
the long grass around the lake. The trees of the forest behind me are
whispering as if wondering what I came for.
It is night. The stars have
already lightened up. The sky is as clear as anything. Beautifully black
– dark and deep and mysterious, just like his eyes. I can see the star
which was home to the planet system of Vegeta-sei. Though even the star has
been destroyed, its light is still visible, still travelling through space. For
stars there is something remaining after death. Will anything just nearly as
pure and beautiful as this starlight remain of me, after I am gone? I
don’t think so. The very best I can expect is that everyone will forget
about me very soon, so that at least I won’t leave a shadow hanging over
this world.
I gaze down at the knife in
my hand. The curved blade, masterfully crafted, blinks, as I move it slightly. It
reflects the moonlight. The pale moon has already risen about the treetops,
bathing everything in its silvery light. It makes the scenery quite ethereal.
The time has nearly come. My
heart is still full of questions, fear and agony. But they are slowly fading
away, as I take in the beautiful picture in front of me. Peace... finally I
will find peace.
This time there will be no
coming back, no resurrection. I will fade away, going into the darkness which
has shadowed my life so very long. I think I know how I can achieve that. When
I arrive at the netherworld, I will ask neither to go to heaven nor hell (as if
the first was ever an option, much more likely to be the latter). From my two
deaths in the past I know that there is a final extinguish of one’s soul
and entire being. What follows is just darkness and emptiness. For all eternity. I hope that it will be granted to me.
Since resurrection is only possible from the netherworlds, this should be a
final end to my tortured soul.
I am grateful. Though it
did not turn out the way I had hoped, there were good things in my life. Bulma...
she loved me, and I think I somehow loved her... and Trunks… my only son.
I hope he won’t be thinking badly about me when he finds out what I have
done. I think he loves me, too. It’s a miracle, since I’ve never
been able to show my love for him. But somehow he seemed to know. He seemingly
was able to sense what none of the others including *him* were.
Trunks... I am proud of
you. I have left you a small note, saying this. It is the first and last thing
I ever did for you. I just wanted you to know, that I always thought you to be
a worthy son, much nobler than I am. You would have been the supreme ruler of Vegeta-sei
once, if not... but alas, if the planet would not have been destroyed, you
might not have been born at all. So even destruction can
cause the birth of something good. I hope that my death will not change
your noble heart, but will make you stronger to take up the task that I lay
down now – to become the great fighter that I know you will be and, much
more important, to live a happy life with someone at your side.
You thought I never noticed.
But I have very sharp eyes, and I saw the change in your look whenever it came
across that son of him, Goten... I guess you would
have thought that I would hate you getting involved with the boy, pretending to
dislike his father, so much as I did. Well, you are wrong, my son. I imagine a
small smile crossing your face as you read this line. I wish you nothing but
true happiness, and if it’s him you’ll find it with, all I want to
do is encourage you. Don’t make the same mistakes as me, my son…
The time has come. I wish I
could have said goodbye to him. But he would have tried to stop me, being the
hero of the day, as he always is. He would have tried to save me, not knowing
that it was him who doomed me long ago to follow this dark path. Not that I
accuse him… I don’t want to bring pain to him. That is why I have
not written a note to him, explaining. I hope that he will just cope with it,
not understanding as always, but somehow accepting.
The knife glistens
promisingly to me. I close my eyes. It was not meant to be. Finally
an end to all the pain and grief. Don’t forget about me, if you
can... but remember the few good things about me.
Please forgive me that I
have hurt you.
Please forgive me that I
was not strong enough.
Goodbye, my one and only
love…
It does not hurt. I feel
the blood oozing out of me, and as the warmth leaves my body, my heart is
finally getting to a rest. There it comes, the long awaited peaceful darkness.
But through the darkness
there is a flash of light approaching. Oh no. I should have guessed. Our kis have been ever so close since our fusion, and he has
sensed that something is wrong. He is coming... flow faster, blood, stop
pounding, heart…
Too late. There he is, carefully approaching
me. I can sense his ki as bright as a flame standing beside me, though I
can’t see him properly anymore. My vision darkens. What a pity – if
a lonely death could not be granted to me, I would at least have fancied one
last glance upon his handsome face and figure.
Now he pats my unmoving
back. I have slipped down, lying in the grass, my blood oozing out of the deep
wound. I hear panic in his voice. Here he is again, my hero, saviour of the
universe. Always trying to do good. I try to figure
out what he is saying…
“...don’t go,
Vegeta... Please... don’t leave me like this…”
Is he crying? I am
surprised, though my emotions get weaker along with me. Then I feel him take me
up, take me into his arms – ah... what a feeling... how long I have
waited for this. Now I can surely die happily.
He cradles me in his lap. His
face is so very near to mine, but I can’t see him anymore, just barely
feel him, sense him. He seems to look at me. I can hear him talking to me all
the time, though I can’t make out all of the words.
“Why? You can’t
do this to me! Talk to me…!” His voice grows more distant. Is that
my heart that’s pounding so loudly or his?
“How am I
supposed… live without… what... I wrong? Always… you… Please...
Vegeta… my prince… my love…”
That last word, only
murmured, nearly inaudible, startles me. Even as my thoughts are dying, this shoots
right through me. What... what did he say? No, this can’t be... it must
be death that makes me hallucinating things.
And with that final bitter
thought I fade away.
The last thing I feel on
this world are the arms of the one I love embracing me and tears running down
my cheeks.
***
Darkness. It is all around me. I am aware of
myself. So, this is the netherworld again. I can’t see a thing. I
can’t feel my body. So they have not let me keep it as the last time. I
am nothing but a lost soul now. Astoundingly the pain is still there, is still
fresh. I don’t have a heart any more, yet I feel heartache. This is not
fair. All I wanted was peace at last. I wanted it so desperately. Is this some
kind of punishment?
I can’t remember
those last moments too well.
My last minutes on earth
did not exactly turn out the way I planned. I am not really sure of what has happened,
because my dying brain did not cope too well with the loss of blood and oxygen.
I can only guess what happened. I know for sure that he was near, that he found
me before I finally passed away. And that he talked to me... I slightly
remember surprise and bitterness and pain. More pain.
I have left the world as I lived within it – in pain. No peace again. And
seemingly it was again him who innocently caused it. But I just figure out what
exactly happened…
Suddenly a loud mighty
voice calls out to me. It seems to speak directly to my mind. It makes my whole
being ache.
“Vegeta!” it
says.
Yes, I answer,
I can hear you, thanks a lot, please don’t speak so very loud. I am being my usual bitter ironic
self, I know. I am so disappointed. All I wanted was the final extinction but
it seems that I have to remain in pain for eternity.
“Vegeta,” the
voice keeps on booming darkly through the black surrounding me. ”Do you
know where you are?”
Well, I answer, and I realize that I
don’t have to speak (which would be impossible anyways, without a mouth)
but simply form the answers in my mind, yes, I guess that this is the
netherworld.
“Right... this is
where you are measured and judged. This is where your fate is decided!”
the voice adds with a nasty undertone.
Ah... so what are you
going to do with me?
“Where do you want to
go?” the voice surprisingly asks me. I answer instantly.
I don’t want any
more pain. Let me go into the void, where everything is dark and empty. Let my
self fade away, so I can finally rest. No more tears. No more longing. No more
grief. No more... love…
“So that is what you
desire.” the voice says and it seems to get softer with every word. “Don’t
you want to see what your death has caused?”
What my death has caused? I
think about this for a while. Do I really want to see them cheering about that
I have finally gone? Maybe Trunks would not cheer, maybe
he would even shed a tear. Don’t want to see that either.
No, I answer.
“Not that you really
have a choice. You’ll have to witness how your death has affected the
fate of others.”
I start hating that damn
voice, but then images flicker into being before my mind. Since I can’t
turn away, I have no choice but to watch. First, I see the lake.
It is still a moonlit
night. I see a dark figure crouched on the ground. My non-existent heart gives a
gasp as it recognizes the shape. How very cruel! Why show me a picture of the
one that made me come here? I don’t want to see him... please...
don’t torture me with what I’ve lost…
The image starts getting
clearer. I can see him now. The pain is almost enough to make me go over the
edge. He is staring down on the thing he holds in his arms. With a cold shudder
I recognize my own dead body. So this is what I look like from the outside. Pretty small, huh... small and broken. My blood is all over
him.
Now I can see his eyes as
he slowly raises his head. I gasp. There is no life in there. His eyes are
broken. Empty. They don’t even reflect the light anymore. His hands are
clutching my body. He is shaking. Silent tears are running down his cheeks,
crystalline, splashing on the floor. I can’t believe it. I did not
imagine him taking it so hard. I wanted to end my pain... and instead I seem to
have caused the only one I love more of it.
“Now you see what
your selfish pride has caused.”
Selfish
pride. Was it
selfish of me to do this? Yes, maybe. And maybe my whole life was selfish. I
could have told him. It was just my pride that got in the way. I could have
told him long ago. If just I would not have been so damn proud and so damn
afraid that he would turn away from me the instant he knew, finally showing me
how much he loathed me... I always feared that his kindness would not last as
soon as he found out what I truly was.
I see him sob silently. He
seems so utterly heartbroken, I can’t believe it. I can’t watch it.
Please, I beg, please let it end...
please let me go... I can’t stand it anymore. This is too cruel!
“NO. It is not over
yet. You are not allowed to go. Wait and see.”
No more... please no more... I see him stiffen. He gets up. He
still has my body on his arms. He is standing there, tall and beautiful and
absolutely heartbroken in the silver moonlight – and then he throws back
his head and screams – his cry is so full of pain and grief that it does
not sound human anymore. He is crying out for me!
This is worth the pain...
seeing him just one more time... even though he never felt what I felt I always
enjoyed seeing him. Even though I was always defeated during our fights, even
if it hurt me that I had to fail once again, I was able to admit his beauty,
when he was in this state of feral agression. This
was when he looked as much saiyan as he should be. He was like a beast of prey
then. Wild. Free. Powerful.
Determined.
He might be heartbroken
enough to even find a way of calling me back. He has friends all through the
universe. Dende, Kaio-sama, Kaioshin.
If he calls, there will be answers. He might be able to resurrect me. But I
can’t let him. It has to end. Here. Now. Once and for all. I can’t stand it anymore. One more
look into his innocent clueless eyes, and my heart will twist and break just
like that. I would not be able to live with the pain. I’d go crazy. And I
doubt that he would understand. I would cause him pain, more pain. I
don’t want that.
Then I see his glance fall
on something reflecting the moonlight at his feet. It is the knife which has
fallen from my limp hand. Slowly, very tenderly, he lays my body down on the
ground. Then his trembling fingers touch the knife. He picks it up. Runs his fingers over the blade. My blood is still on it. His
empty eyes give me the creeps. Slowly he lifts it up to have a closer look at
it. He seems to recognize it. Have I shown it to him once? I wonder what he is
thinking at this very moment. If I still had a breath, I would hold it now. If
I still would possess a heart, it would be racing. I feel the urge to scream. He
continues to stare at the knife. Then murmurs something
softly.
His other hand tenderly
strokes trough the hair of the body lying in front of him. Then he smiles...
and just as I start to relax, thinking that now he might get over it, get on
with his life and live happily ever after – which is the thing I desire
most in the world …
Just
then…
He grabs the knife
and
thrusts
it
deeply
into
his own chest,
into his very heart.
My vision blurs. I gasp. I
can’t believe what has just happened. I see his already empty eyes go
completely blank. I see the pain on his beautiful face mingle with something
strange. Hope? Could this be?
His body goes limp. He
falls to the ground. His hand still clutches the knife. He does not move
anymore. He is lying side by side with my own body.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Why?! Why did he do that? I
think that the pain is going to make me insane. I wanted to leave this world,
his world, and instead he chose to try and... follow
me…?
Why on earth would he do
that? Hell, if he wanted me back, he could have thought of some way to
resurrect me. But the baka did not think of that, did he..? Or was he too
heartbroken to think clearly? Or maybe he even understood that resurrection was
not what I wanted, having ended my own life like this… But doesn’t
he know that know that we can never see each other again, not even in
afterlife? Not even if I wasn’t going into the void?
The last thing I see is how
our two bodies slowly dissolve. And suddenly I have the feeling, that I have a
body again. I am still hovering in mid-air, but I can feel my heart race, I can
feel it cramp out of sheer grief. I can feel breath unwillingly fill my aching
lungs.
THIS IS NOT FAIR!
“Is it not? It is
what you chose by doing what you did!” the cruel voice tells me.
PLEASE... LET ME GO....
I CAN’T STAND IT ANYMORE!
“No… other
plans have been made. A wish has been granted.”
A wish…? What...
who... Who are you, that you are being so cruel to me? I ask the voice, shaking and
tortured. Who made you my judge?
“Don’t you know
by now?”, the voice answers me. “Can’t
you guess? I am you, Vegeta-no-ouji, last prince and
king of the proud race of Saiyajin of Vegeta-sei. I am your own conscience. Who
else should judge about you?”
I tremble, as the impact of
the knowledge finally hits me. I have known all along. Now that I have left the
world, all my bitterness and sarcasm, my fear and pride, my barriers have left
me. And I finally get it. It was me who kept him in a distance all along. Only me. The tears of understanding run down my cheeks.
And just in this very
moment I realize that the darkness has moved. I am surrounded by bright white
light now.
And... A hand comes to rest on my
shoulder.
I freeze.
I feel a presence... can it
be...? Slowly I turn…
Dark eyes are gazing deeply
into mine. A smile is lighting a face. Beautiful ebony hair… My heart is
pounding so very hard…
He is giving of this
beautiful pure white light which surrounds me, washes away my pain, my grief,
my bitterness, No, it is not just him. We both are glowing in this pure white
glory.
Feathers…?
And wonderful great white
wings embrace me, pulling me towards him. He wraps his arms around me, smiling
at my unbelieving face. In his eyes I can read what I have been looking for. There’s
so much love inside of them, of him…
“Vegeta…”, he says, and I tremble with ecstasy at the sound of
my name from his lips. “Vegeta... I have been waiting for this for such
along time…”
He bends down and my heart
gives one last little stutter, before the happiness finally soaks me through
and through.
As he kisses me, I feel the
wings on my own back spread and entwine with his. I did not have to be
stronger. He does feel the same. We always were equal. I won’t be alone
anymore. Nor will he.
I feel the love bring tears
to my eyes, as we press our bodies together, kissing hungrily, finally finding
what we both have been longing for such a long time. Not only our bodies, but
our minds become one and I finally understand.
I close my eyes and without
any hesitation lose myself in this incredible feeling.
This kiss will last for all
eternity.
A never-ending
story….

~owari~

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An End to a Never-ending Story