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Repentance	By : curiousspider Category: Dragon Ball Z > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 862 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own DBZ and I don't make money from writing fanfic.

Chapter List
- 1-Repentance
- 1
Author’s Note: I haven’t had the urge to write lately, and then BAM! this came out of nowhere. At first, this piece was supposed to be tamer, but it ended up becoming very dark very fast. As much as I like Raditz/Vegeta (it’s one of my OTPs), I haven’t actually written it before. Usually my view of their relationship is one of co-dependence, in which Vegeta can let his guard down, but in this story it’s much different (and darker, I might add). I always thought of Vegeta probably having a guilt complex after he softened up a bit. I mean, he’s still bad ass, but underneath all of that he feels badly for what he’s done in the past and all the lives he’s destroyed. I thought a story concerning his feelings towards Nappa and Raditz’s deaths would be interesting. Since this is my first story on AFF.net, concrit is welcome! (It always is, FYI!) This is an experiment of sorts, so I’m hoping I stayed in character. Hope you all enjoy this!

Rated: MA. Do not read if you have any triggers for sexual assault and/or violence.

Warnings: Violence, some gore/disturbing imagery, dubious consent, language, sexual encounter, yaoi (male/male relations)

Pairings: Vegeta/Raditz, Goku/Vegeta if you squint.

Repentance

His death wasn’t an accident. If he had been stronger, if he had trained more, if he had listened, then he would have not been defeated by two low-level fighters. He would have won, and then Kakkarot would have learned his lesson then and there: you are a Saiyan, or you are nothing. What had angered him the most, so it seemed, was his brother’s complete denial of his heritage. They were an amazing race, with a huge empire and a glorious history, and although only a few remained, they were all united in their quest to reclaim that power. Yet Kakkarot denied and denied and denied, and he ended up living. He ended up saving that pathetic little Earthling race; he had redeemed the Saiyans by reaching the legendary level.

Thinking about it sent Vegeta into a flying rage. He only pondered his past when he was training, since the memories gave him enough power to destroy cities. Both of his comrades had been semi-obedient followers and competent fighters, but they had both failed him. In both cases, their arrogance had been their downfall. All the time, Bulma scolded Vegeta for his aloof manner and constant emphasis on royal pride, but she had a valid point, no matter how much the prince denied it. His intrinsic need to be the best, to avenge his people, to reach immortality and rule the universe with an iron fist, these desires had all gotten in the way. In the end, he was second best, and it nearly drove him mad.

Machines burst into flames and bits of molten metal whenever Bulma’s admonishments entered his mind. Sometimes he just had to stop and breathe in order to not destroy the whole training facility. Once in awhile Trunks would stop working on whatever new project he had picked up and would check in on his father; he could feel the power spike and sudden decline. It was odd, because Vegeta usually trained in a very methodical, almost mechanical way, so Trunks knew something was wrong when the routine went askew. The prince was never one to calm himself down all that much, but seeing the lavender-haired young man’s concerned face peering at him through the window made the anger in him abate a bit. As Trunks had gotten older, he had learned to respect his father, even though they both knew that Kakkarot was held in higher regard. Kakkarot was just a nicer, warmer person, and treated Trunks like a third son. This also drove Vegeta up the wall, but he would never, ever say so.

He did not bring up the past often, but sometimes he just had to. There were certain little triggers, tiny things that no one else noticed, not even his wife. He knew she loved him, but he was hard to handle; sometimes he wanted to just escape himself and be at peace. That old life and those imaginary dust-covered chests full of photographs of times past would always pop up, though. Training was the best way to open them, set the photographs aflame, and move on. Most of his life he had allowed those memories to dog him, to bog him down; now, he had enough time to deal with them adequately. This meant drudging up his own feelings, and that was something Vegeta did not enjoy one bit. Saiyans didn’t do that, especially Saiyan men. He had only been truthful to two people about his emotions, and they had died a long time ago.

He couldn’t, wouldn’t, abjectly refused to say it. Even when the rabid swirling vitriol of his thought processes caused his blood to boil, his head to ache, his muscles to swell, he could not utter those words. That would be a new step, something he probably could never undertake. It was just too difficult, and no one else knew. It ate him up inside; it made his stomach churn and his mind spin. He could punch and kick and ki blast until he was so exhausted that he just collapsed to the floor, but there they were again, those few words, glowing against the back of his eyelids. He could notice nothing else, not the cold of the tile floor, not the buzzing of the wrecked machines, not the pounding of his own heart; all that remained were those words, blazing, agonizing. Sometimes it took an hour just to shake his head to dispel the statement and get up off the floor. He would go back home, shower, and try to forget, somehow, some way, that they ever appeared. Yet he needed that time to recall things, to take those images and movie reels and focus them onto the training machines. Then, when the machines were obliterated, so were the memories and all the emotions attached to them. During this time he learned how to function without all that rage. It had held him back so many times before; it even contributed to his inability to reach Super Saiyan until after Kakkarot did.

He had always been taught that his righteous anger towards Frieza would lead to the Saiyans’ salvation. Now, as an older man, surpassed countless times by a third-class underling, he knew this was wrong. All three of them had believed it, and all three of them had followed this doctrine without question. They were sheep, and it had led two to the slaughter. The other one, the leader of sorts, had ended up failing, at times miserably. Had it been better they died early so that they did not see his “redemption” of sorts, his transformation into a softer, kinder man? If they could look at him now, their faces would be distorted in disgust. They would hate him, and scream insults, and he would just take it, just as he listened to Bulma’s sometimes venomous words, and in the past, Trunks’ cruel little jibes. He would take it, and then destroy another training compound, and fear would cross the human faces just a little bit. With the Saiyan men, they would just laugh, haughty as ever.

Sometimes in his dreams he would see those two ghosts, one with his stomach just a gaping, dripping whole, the other missing all of his skin, since it was blown off from Vegeta’s own ki blast. It would always be misty, so he never knew where they were exactly. Sometimes he could peek through the fog and see that it was there, a certain place he hated to remember, and he would curse at the sky. They’d laugh in tandem and Nappa would point, his eyes frighteningly white and bulging. In these dreams the prince saw this all unfold from a few feet away, and he could do nothing to stop it. He was always frail, thin, and white-haired, while the other two were in their prime, even in such ghastly conditions. They’d speak to him, and every word was a stab, a cut, a penetration, and they all reached the core.

---

“Look where you are now, Prince,” Nappa sneered. “You’re on a pathetic little planet where no one knows your name, and some kid beats you.” Raditz nodded, remaining silent but grinning maliciously.

“Look at me, Prince Vegeta. Look at what you did to me! I was your comrade, your bodyguard. I followed you everywhere, no question, no objection. Then, just because I ‘betrayed’ you, you killed me. Life’s a bitch now, isn’t it? Doesn’t help that your woman is a bitch too.” He cackled. “You’re a family man. You remember how we used to raze villages and you used to laugh at the fathers attempting to protect their children? We’d blow them away and you would throw the corpses at the crying wife. The kids’d sob and we blasted the oldest first. We made our way down the line, but we saved the wife for you. Man, what if she knew what you did to some of those women? You tore them apart, inside and out. You made their last moments hell, but I guess that they’re haunting you now, aren’t they? They won’t leave you alone…”

In the distance Vegeta could make out some figures, hundreds of them, maybe thousands, standing there, just grinning. Their smiles mirrored Raditz’s, and they were all staring at him, mocking him. He tried to scream, but nothing came from his throat. Instead, he fell to the floor, digging his fingernails into the dirt while tears stained the ground.

“He’s crying! Look, your killer is crying! You’re no Prince of Saiyans. You’re just some cheap imitation. Get up and face me, Vegeta! Get up and admonish me for treating you like shit! I never said a damn word to you, even when you beat me bloody! I never questioned you, because I knew you’d save us. You’d get us out of that hellhole of working for Frieza, our destroyer! Instead, his brother,” he jerked a thumb towards Raditz, “had to do it for you. Why don’t you fight me? Go ahead, kill me again. I want you to!” Nappa’s eyes were full of flames, and he balled his hands into fists. Vegeta did nothing but stared up at him in shock and fear. After a few moments, Nappa backed down, returning to a neutral standing position and crossing his arms over his chest. “Of course, nothing. It all comes to that: nothing. All of this anger, all of this fighting, all this death, and our damnation, for nothing! You lived. Why?!”

He could only shake his head and attempt to whisper and mumble, but again, no words were formed. He lifted a quivering hand to his lips and found messy stitches binding them together.

“He made sure those were there. He didn’t want to hear your voice, but if I were him, I wouldn’t want to hear it either.” Nappa glanced over at Raditz, who was glaring at Vegeta. The long-haired Saiyan walked over to the prince and bent down, resting on one knee.

“It hurts, yeah?” he asked, putting a hand on Vegeta’s shoulder. Nappa lifted a non-existent eyebrow, and then seemingly disappeared into the mist. Vegeta nodded and shook. Raditz placed his fingertips underneath Vegeta’s chin and lifted his head gently. His eyes were blank, devoid of pupils and irises; they were fully white, like a zombie’s. He smiled again, baring his fangs, and grabbed the stitches, tearing them out with undue force. A scream finally escaped Vegeta’s throat, and his elbows finally gave out on him. Before he could hit the floor, Raditz caught him and lifted him up, easily holding the frail man with one arm.

“Do you remember where we are?” he inquired, looking around. Vegeta lifted his head slowly and looked around. He mouthed “no” over and over, but Raditz began walking. The mist cleared and they were surrounded by tropical flora and fauna. Different animals chirped and made other noises while Vegeta struggled against Raditz’s grip, beating him against his chest. Then, his gaze reached the hole in Raditz’s stomach, and he suddenly became limp.

“It’s not a nice addition, but it’s another hole, right?” He chuckled meanly. In front of them, a few feet away, was a small shaded pond surrounded by trees; there was a large boulder there as well. Raditz dropped Vegeta at the edge of the pond and sat down on the rock, lazily crossing one leg over the other.

“You do remember where we are, right?” He glanced over at the prince, who was clawing desperately at the ground, trying to get up. Raditz rolled his eyes and picked him up by his hair, dragging him over to the boulder and slamming him against it. He then grabbed him by the neck with one hand and held him there, staring right into the prince’s face with those milky-white eyes of his. Vegeta tried to fight him, but became still as Raditz’s grip grew tighter.

“Tell me where we are,” Raditz ordered, mimicking Vegeta’s tone. The prince remained silent, gazing up at him in horror. “Tell me where we are!” he repeated. He let go of Vegeta’s neck and smacked him hard against the face. “You remember, you just don’t want to. Well, let me remind you!” Arm muscles bulging, he reached forward and picked up Vegeta again, dragging him by the arm into the forest. They were mostly concealed by the trees. Holding him in a headlock with one arm, Raditz used the other to keep Vegeta’s head up.

“Look! Watch!” Ahead of them, at the boulder, semi-transparent apparitions appeared: a young Vegeta was sitting in cross-legged style. Raditz was at his side, sitting similarly; his head was turned away in embarrassment.

“Now listen!” Raditz tightened his grip on Vegeta’s neck. The young prince turned his head and stared at Raditz.

“You never look at me. Is there a problem?” the young prince asked, smirking. Raditz, a few years younger than Vegeta, stared at him with wide eyes.

“Uh, no, Your Highness. I was just dozing off,” he said nervously.

“What were you thinking about?” His younger self was grinning in a lecherous way; Vegeta just stared in horror, watching with mouth agape.

“Um, nothing really sir.” Raditz still wouldn’t look at the prince. Meanwhile, the older Raditz tightened his grip on Vegeta’s neck even more and grinned so hard that his neck muscles popped out against his grey skin.

“Look at me,” the young prince ordered. Raditz obeyed, sweat appearing on his brow. Narrowing his eyes, Vegeta leaned forward, his face inches from his comrade’s. “I was on your mind, wasn’t I? I always am, I can just tell. I knew there was something slimy going on in that small brain of yours.” Raditz froze, clenching his jaw. “It seems I’ve guessed right. How many times do you fantasize about me, Raditz? Ten, fifteen times a day? More? We’re both sick creatures, so I bet you have some rather uncouth fantasies. Do you dream about acting them out? Answer me.” His voice suddenly turned stern, alerting Raditz that this was a command.

The young man gulped. “…Sometimes,” he said, swallowing hard. The prince laughed.

“I knew it! Well,” the prince paused, inching in a little closer, “You’ve done well. You’ve been a good fighter. Maybe I could reward you for that?” Putting one hand on Raditz’s bare thigh, Vegeta lifted himself up and kissed him on the lips.

“That shocked expression of mine…priceless,” the older Raditz hissed, right into Vegeta’s ear. “It seemed so nice of you to let me relieve myself of that lust. You were actually being, I don’t know…giving? I thought something good could happen between us. It seemed like that at first, anyway. But then...” He chuckled, but it was venomous.

The scene fast-forwarded, and both apparitions were naked, Vegeta pinning Raditz down against the boulder while straddling him. They were both sweaty and panting, and Raditz was aching with need. Vegeta had denied him again and again, forcing him to kiss him first, touch him first. Bending down, the prince kissed him roughly, biting his lower lip until he drew blood. Raditz didn’t seem to care; he was caught up in the spinning lust. His head was hanging over the side of the boulder and he stared out at nothing, his pupils dilated. The older Vegeta squirmed and cried out noiselessly as the younger Raditz seemed to stare at him, his face full of lust. His captor held him fast, putting his fingers into his mouth.

“Shush! I want you to see it all,” he hissed again.

The younger prince slid off of Raditz and cracked his neck, moving it from one side to the other. Raditz lifted his head questioningly, arching one eyebrow, and then lifted himself up fully.

“Is something wrong, sir?” he asked.

The prince smiled. “Oh no, not at all. Flip over.”

Raditz paused, staring at him in shock. “What?”

“Flip over. You want me, right? So, get up and bend yourself over the rock. It’s easier access.” His voice was so nonchalant, like what he was asking of Raditz was nothing at all. Raditz’s eyes widened, and he slowly slid off the rock and stepped in front of it. Then, he laid down it, positioning his legs so that they were spread. He dug his fingernails into the front of the boulder and stared straight ahead, gulping.

“That was humiliating, and you knew it. You knew that wasn’t what I wanted,” Raditz cooed into the older prince’s ear, gripping his throat again. Vegeta gazed in horror, trying to break free from Raditz’s grip. “You can’t. You’re too weak. Now you get to see what you did. You didn’t want to remember this, but you will. Fuck, you will.”

The younger prince stepped forward and grabbed Raditz’s hand, placing it on his member. “Get me off,” he ordered. Raditz did so, but his hand was shaking. Meanwhile, Vegeta was looking at him, particularly at his legs and buttocks. “It’s interesting how easily you got into this position. Have you been practicing with Nappa?” He laughed. “Eh, it doesn’t matter. It’s just so easy for you to submit. I like that.” Eyes narrowing, he slapped Raditz’s hand away and put a hand on Raditz’s ass cheek, kneading the muscle a little. A quiet moan escaped the taller Saiyan’s lips, but as soon as Vegeta heard it, he let go.

“You enjoyed that?”

“I-I’m not displeased, sir. Just-“

“What? Is that not enough? Fine.”

The frail Vegeta twisted against the dead Raditz’s grip, but he was steadfast, like he was made of steel. “You’re remembering. You know what happens next,” Raditz whispered, pressing the prince closer in some sick embrace.

Without warning, Vegeta grabbed Raditz by the hips and thrust into him. Raditz cried out in pain, grabbing onto the boulder, but Vegeta did not seem at all bothered. Instead, he continued to thrust hard and fast, smiling as he did. Raditz tried to lift himself up, but the pain was overwhelming; he could feel himself bleeding and he felt like he was on fire. He weakly rolled his shoulders, the muscles rippling, but it just hurt too much. Attempting to look back, he saw the prince enjoying himself. Their gazes met and Vegeta smirked maliciously, his canines visible.

“You enjoyed it! You liked my pain!” Raditz said. Vegeta wanted to scream and tell his younger self to stop, but he could not. This had already happened; there was no way to change the events. All he could do was watch as he fucked Raditz viciously, and when he was done, he just left him there, bent over the rock, bleeding. He looked at younger Raditz’s face and saw the pain and betrayal there. Blood and semen ran down the inside of his thighs and he was shaking and blinking rapidly. He would not cry; instead, he just laid there, and eventually pulled himself up into a ball, lying on his side and still quivering.

The apparition slowly disappeared, and Raditz pulled Vegeta out of the forest. He threw him against the rock, which was smeared with the bodily fluids from before. Vegeta’s face landed right into them; the right side of his face was covered in it. Raditz stood over him, quaking with rage. “You knew what I really wanted. I looked up to you. I thought you were a god, and that you’d lead us to salvation. Instead, you did that to me. You knew what I really wanted, because you knew that I loved you!”

“I-I’m sorry,” Vegeta said, cowering. He could smell the liquids and it was making him sick.

“No you’re not. If you were, you wouldn’t have let me feel such shame. You wouldn’t have made me do that. You would’ve cared for me, like you really wanted to. I saw it, I saw that you wanted to be like that, like you are with her, but you had to maintain your image. You were vulnerable around us rarely, but it was something! You knew I would’ve been there at your side, no matter what. Instead, you destroyed me long before Kakkarot did. Do you fuck her like that? Do you look at her face and see she’s in pain, and fuck her harder? You let your guard down now, because it costs you nothing. It’s goddamn irony that my brother is the one that's better than you. Weird kind of revenge, eh, Your Highness?”

“I would’ve…I would’ve…” The prince slid down, covering his face with his hands.

“You would’ve done nothing, just like now! You’re nothing, no better than the lowest level pieces of shit you used to easily destroy. You feel such guilt now, over both of us,” Raditz pointed to the side, and Nappa was there again, in all his fleshless glory, “But it’s just loser’s remorse, isn’t it? We were just pawns to you. We weren’t your men, your comrades, since you so easily discarded us. You know the truth, Vegeta. Just say it. That’s all we want, and we’ll leave you alone. Just say it!”

“Say it, Vegeta!” Nappa yelled. A chorus of all different voices joined in as both Saiyans repeated screamed “Say it!”, all of them screeching just as they did when he killed them.

“Say it! Say it!” Raditz screamed the loudest.

---

The dream would end, and Vegeta would wake up in a sweat, his body boiling. Jumping out of bed, he’d run to the bathroom and check to see if he was the same. There was never any white hair, and his muscles were all intact. There was no blood on his face either, and he could finally breathe normally again. During times like these he would go outside and train in one of the pods, destroying machines left and right, beating them until the skin on his knuckles was all gone. Never, ever would he utter those words; it was just too much. Even if they haunted him into eternity, even if he was tortured by them in the bowels of hell, he would never allow those words to leave his lips.

Then, by accident, it happened. It was Kakkarot’s fault, as it always was in that cocky part of his mind, but Vegeta understood better. The two were training together as usual, and just like all the other times, they were nearly neck-in-neck, besides that Kakkarot had that slight but irritating advantage. Almost every week the two had a sparring meeting, usually in one of the many large canyons that dotted the landscape. This time, Kakkarot had made the location a surprise.

“You’ll have to track me, Vegeta. Come on, you gotta keep your senses up to par!” he had said cheerfully on the phone.

“I know that you idiot. Why don’t you just tell me so it will be faster? My senses are fine.”

Goku giggled in that annoyingly innocent way of his. “If your senses were fine, then you’d know where I am by now! Come on and find me,” he said teasingly.

Vegeta rolled his eyes. “That’s why the phone is so statickey. Well, give me a minute, I’ll be there, wherever you are,” he grumbled, then hung up before he could hear more of Goku’s happy voice. He closed his eyes for a moment and searched for Goku’s ki signal. Rather quickly he found it, and he was off before Bulma could even ask where he was going.

“That man,” she said, watching him fly out into the clear blue sky. “He could at least say something.”

A couple of minutes later, Vegeta arrived at a somewhat mountainous landscape. Some areas were covered in grass, but others were sandy. Looking around, he noticed Goku standing on top of one the higher plateaus. The spiky-haired man waved at him, then suddenly appeared right in front of him.

“I hate when you do that,” Vegeta said grumpily, frowning.

“You hate almost everything I do,” Goku replied, smiling. He playfully nudged Vegeta in the shoulder with his palm. “So, do you know where we are?”

Vegeta gave the area a cursory glance, crossing his arms over his chest. “No.”

“Come on, look harder!” Goku said excitedly.

The prince rolled his eyes and turned his head from side to side, surveying the landscape. It looked like one of the many, many places they had trained, and he could not think of anything special about it. “I have no idea,” he admitted, narrowing his eyes.

“Okay, well, look over there.” Goku turned and pointed out towards a field. Vegeta peered at it and noticed there was a sizable crater there; still, he remained silent.

“You have no idea where we are? All right, follow me then,” Goku said, a bit crestfallen. Vegeta walked behind him, still looking around at the landscape, until the taller man stopped at the crater. At the bottom there was a small marking post of sort. “Any memories now?” Goku glanced over his shoulder at the prince.

“Not an inkling,” Vegeta replied curtly. His eyes went to the marking post, and his stomach dropped. Eyes widening, he backed away a bit, but quickly composed himself. He stood in place, gulping.

“This is where it all started! Raditz landed here, and this is where he and Piccolo and me fought. I wanted to show you that ChiChi and I put up a grave for him. I mean, he was not the nicest guy in the world, but he was my brother and all. I barely knew him, but I should honor him just a little, you know?” Goku shrugged.

Vegeta stared at the crater, but his vision was quickly growing blurry; something was getting in the way. Goku tilted his head to the side, noticing Vegeta’s silence, and walked up to him, putting his hand on his shoulder.

“Hey, um, are you okay? There’s, uh…” He trailed off, making a displeased face.

Vegeta looked up at him. “What?!” he said, rather harshly. Then, he felt something wet slide down his cheeks.

“…I didn’t know this would upset you Vegeta. You never talk about Raditz, so I thought he just, well, worked for you, you know? I didn’t know you were friends. Gosh, I’m really sorry. Man, I feel really bad…” Goku avoided Vegeta’s gaze, but squeezed his shoulder softly.

Quickly the prince wiped his face and turned away from Goku, his body shaking. Goku dropped his hand and dug his foot into the ground nervously. There was an awkward silence for a bit, but Vegeta turned back around again, glaring at him. Suddenly, he lunged at him, tackling him to the ground and punching him viciously. He hit him in the face, chest, wherever he could, but it was all done blindly, his power level skyrocketing as he screamed. Goku eventually powered up and flipped Vegeta over, pinning him to the ground by the wrists.

“What the hell is wrong with you? Holy crap!” Goku yelled, his brow furrowed. Vegeta glowered up at him, his fangs bared. He was saying something incoherent, frothing at the mouth. Perturbed, Goku sucked his lips in and punched Vegeta in the right side of his face. The prince stopped screaming and suddenly went limp, not looking up at Goku at all. Goku sighed deeply and released Vegeta’s other wrist. He gazed up at the sky and watched a cloud idly moving along.

“Phew. When this kind of stuff happens, when you freak out or whatever, when you get like this, I don’t know what to think. It’s not like I really get you all that much anyway, since you can be so confusing, but—”

“I’m sorry,” Vegeta muttered.

“What?” Goku yelped, jumping up, standing over Vegeta. The prince stood up, balancing on his palms, and looked up at Goku. His expression was painfully sad, but there were no tears. He looked defeated.

“I’m sorry. The way I treated your brother, the way I treated Nappa…I was supposed to be their leader, not their torturer. I should’ve freed them from Frieza, and instead I let them die. It’s my fault,” he paused for a moment, “it’s my fault they’re dead.”

Goku was silent; Vegeta turned his gaze away from him and stared at the ground, his face marked with shame. Gulping, Goku finally spoke up. “Look, I don’t know about your past. You were a bad person, and you did bad things, and maybe you did treat them bad, but you can’t fix that now. And you’re a good person now. You’ve saved so many lives, the whole planet even. Even if you didn’t get them away from Frieza, at least you gave them the chance. I dunno if they could’ve done that without your leadership. But the most you can do is at least show them that you do feel bad about it. You shouldn’t apologize to me,” he offered a hand to the prince, “You should apologize to him.”

Vegeta took Goku’s hand and got up. “I’ll leave you alone, okay? We’ll train another day.” Goku patted Vegeta’s hand with his free one and then released it. “I’ll see you later.” With that, he put two fingers to his forehead and disappeared.

The prince stood there again, transfixed. The marker was small and rectangular-shaped, the black writing standing out against its white surface. It almost looked like someone dusted it every so often so that its color wasn’t altered by the elements. Slowly walking over, he descended into the crater and stood in front of it. Whoever had written the message had good hand-writing, although it was rather small; it was probably ChiChi. Bending down, he got down on his knees and peered at the message. “Raditz: To a brother we wish we could have known.” Vegeta’s stomach knotted up and he grimaced.

For a moment, he closed his eyes and breathed in; it smelled like grass and flowers here, oddly enough. Even though Raditz was no better of a man than he, his gravesite still had plants growing around it. Vegeta opened his eyes and forced his jaw to unclench.

“This isn’t something I usually do,” he said, his voice hoarse. “Oh fuck, you know better. I never do this. But you deserved better than this ending. You deserved a better life. You were a good soldier, a good fighter. You wanted the best for the Saiyan empire, and never doubted me. Your brother is right; I can’t,” he sighed, then continued, “I can’t change what happened, but I’m sorry, Raditz. I should have treated you better. I should have made sure you completed your mission here, or sent Nappa. I should’ve been better to him too. Hell, he took care of me when I was a child, but I killed him!” He threw his hands up in the air.

“I was a bastard. I was a despicable creature and yet you still…cared. It was strange to me and I still don’t get it, but both you and Nappa were the best allies I could’ve asked for. I treated you like shit, especially you. I did that, knowing what I did about how you--you felt, and it haunts me to this day. It will never leave me alone, and maybe you can find some solace in that. I’m not worthy of my title, but maybe that’s a good thing. Who would’ve thought the Prince of Saiyans would be apologizing to his followers? Pah! But I am. I’m not the same man, and honestly, even if you disagree, I think it’s for the best. I’ve learned from you and Nappa that life can be…different. Hell, I would say I’m happy. I wish that the same could have been said for your life. I made it miserable, and I remind myself of that all the time. Maybe in another life things will be different, but I understand I was wrong. Please, may you rest in peace, comrade.”

The prince stood up and wiped the dust off his knees. He saluted the grave marker and then flew into the sky, heading back home. That night, he had no dreams, and slept peacefully for the first time in decades. Over time, whenever he did dream, he recalled different times with Nappa and Raditz, when they were all equal, and when he let his guard down. Never again did that horrific nightmare return, and even though Vegeta did still have to train, and sometimes had to banish some of the memories, there was something different. Finally, he was at peace as well.
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Repentance