"Father, Son, and a Little Fun"

Authors: Demonseed_8 and ChibiKillJoy
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Kold x Freeza x Vegeta, though not necessarily in that order ^^;;
Note: I do not take full credit for this. I owe most of the creative torturing to Demonseed_8, who sent me an outline of the story she wanted and allowed me to tweak and shape it and add my own terribleness to it ^^;;
Also, anything ::like this:: represents thoughts.
Specific Warnings for Chapter 1: Violence, amateur therapist session, language.
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Chapter 1

::This CAN'T be happening!!::, Freeza screamed silently in his head, his anger rising notch by notch as the predicament unraveled itself, ::Not to ME! I'm the most powerful being in the UNIVERSE!! I'm--::


"Freeeezaaa", came the currently-hated voice, piercing into his head like a bolt of lightning from the godforsaken heavens. The emperor flinched as if stung, then clenched his teeth in order to contain himself.


"I heeaard you, father", he answered in a matching, teasing tone, "And I assure you; everything will be perfect for your stay...here."


He hoped Kold hadn't picked up that the last word came out a bit strained and apparently he didn't, because his father laughed softly, said his goodbye, and disconnected.


Freeza very coolly clicked his scouter off and slowly removed it from his head. After a deep, calming breath, he then screamed in an outburst of rage. The scouter easily exploded as his fingers curled into a fist and his two trusted guards, Zarbon and Dodoria, glanced at each other nervously.


"Here it comes", Dodoria whispered under his breath as they both took a step back.


"DAMN HIM! THAT DECREPIT OLD BASTARD!! WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS!?!"


The last time Freeza's father had decided he was due for a little visit Zarbon had gone to the infirmary for severe burns and missing limbs during his lordship's tantrum. He gulped a little, hoping that this time, whatever missiles his master was going to start launching (the time before last time it had been a large dinner plate and some kind of decorative obsidian figurine, which had implanted itself through Zarbon's abdomen) would hit Dodoria and not him.


"--FUCKING CLUE AND PUTREFY IN HIS PART OF THE UNIVERSE!!! WHY DOES HE--"


Dodoria caught Zarbon's eye again, "Maybe we should stop it."


"What? Stop what? That??", Zarbon asked incredulously, tilting his head in the direction where the emperor was now waving his arms and gesturing, his tail whipping from side to side as the tremendous "emotion" towards his father, normally stored, was now unleashed.


"--NOTHING BETTER TO DO BUT HANG OVER ME AND BE AN ETERNAL PAIN IN MY ASS--"


"Yeah", Dodoria asserted, "Y'know. Calm him down or something."


The chair Freeza had been sitting on suddenly flew over their heads, giving Zarbon barely enough time to duck. Freeza's tail smashed against the desk he'd been at, cracking it in two and pretty much disintegrating it.


Zarbon rolled his eyes, "Hn. Good luck."


Dodoria snorted in disgust at his partner's lack of courage, waiting patiently until Freeza had to take a breather. His master's face had slowly been darkening into purple and finally the emperor let out a last colorful description of what his father was and where he could stick these "inconvenient bursts of what that asshole thinks of as fatherly duty."


"Boss?", Dodoria asked with nauseating sweetness, "You're kinda tense there. Everything all right?"


"No, everything's not all right, you moron", Freeza snapped back, eyeing first Dodoria, then Zarbon, "Don't you know what day it is?"


"I believe it's the day your father comes to visit", Zarbon answered, fighting the urge to cringe under his master's fierce look.


"YES, DAMN IT, the day my father comes to visit! EVERY DAMN TIME HE'S HERE HE TAKES OVER EVERYTHING", Freeza growled out, "He thinks he's so fucking important, pushing himself onto me like this. This is my ship, damn it, all of this is mine, and he's merely doing this to piss me off!...AND IT'S WORKING AND I HATE HIM FOR IT!!"


"He's only concerned, Lord Freeza", Dodoria said in his best "kiss-ass" confiding tone.


He had retrieved the chair-turned-projectile and now brought it back so his master could rest his poor self. Freeza merely turned to stare at his guard. The coldness in the look should have been an indication to shut up but, unfortunately, Dodoria didn’t catch it.


"Concerned, Dodoria? For what?"


"Well...uh...", Dodoria began, glancing back at Zarbon for some support. Zarbon shook his head and waved away, washing his hands of the situation the idiot had gotten himself into.


"Uh...concerned...like a father should be! Yeah! He's just looking out for you, sire. He simply wants to ensure that your empire is properly taken care of."


Zarbon slapped his forehead, then stepped back behind a pillar, peeking out to see the outcome. Freeza was standing very still, smiling coldly.


"I see. So, tell me, Dodoria, exactly what are you implying?"


Dodoria finally heard the warning edge in the question, "I-implying? I wasn't--"


"I think I know. I'm not competent enough to run my own fucking empire, is that it?"


Dodoria's head began to shake back and forth in defense, "No! No, that's not it--"


"And I need my daddy to come up every now and then and hold my hand so he can make sure that his incompetent son isn't fucking everything up."


Dodoria was now pouring sweat out of his pink, tomato-like skin. Freeza was calmly speaking, his hands folded behind him, and yet Zarbon could detect in his own scouter the slow rise of a terrible energy.


"N-no, Lord Freeza, let me explain--!!"


"You've HAD your chance to explain", Freeza suddenly barked at his cowering guard, "But don't worry, you can rethink your argument in a regeneration tank!"


With a blinding blast of light, Dodoria was suddenly lifted off his feet and shot across the room, towards his partner. Zarbon again dodged at the last minute to see the poor fellow smashed into the wall like a large, red bug.


"Anyone ELSE like to share something??", Freeza asked, his sight set on Zarbon.


Zarbon let out a meek whimper and firmly shook his head.


"Are you sure?", Freeza pressed, his grin a bit disturbing, "Because, as you have just seen, I welcome any kind of brain-dead opinion with open fucking arms!"


Freeza levitated off the ground so he floated a good half-foot above Zarbon's head in order for the blue man to properly cower beneath him.


"Come now, Zarbon", Freeza said, sweetly, "What do you think of my father coming to our base? I know you have something to say. Don't make me ram my fist down your throat to pull it out."


"Um...um...", Zarbon stammered, shaking noticeably, and suddenly words began pouring out of his mouth in his panic, "I agree with Dodoria upon saying that your father is concerned, BUT...uh...but perhaps it is because he has barely seen you or your brother Coola as children, as you've told me, and believes by visiting every now and then, he can make up for...uh...all...that...lost time conquering planets and committing genocide nearly every day and he looks back on all those times of spontaneous and senseless slaughtering and random blowing things up and wishes that...uh...perhaps the presence of his two sons had been there as well to enjoy those...um...happy moments...or something."


Freeza stared at his remaining guard. Zarbon swallowed nervously. His master was still for a second longer, then sighed rather wistfully and turned away. Zarbon arched an eyebrow, his mouth open in shock at realizing he was still alive, as Freeza sat down in his chair.


"It's just that when he comes here he takes over everything. It bothers me."


Zarbon nodded without hesitation, "Of course, sire. Someone looking over your shoulder like that. It would be a bit annoying."


Freeza glumly planted his chin on the palm of his hand and Zarbon realized that the strongest being in the universe was pouting, "Honestly, I wish he'd just leave me alone. It's embarassing."


A whine and a hiss of static cut through the improptu therapy session, "Lord Freeza, sire, King Kold has arrived on landing dock 6."


Freeza sat up like a bolt had gone through his spine, "He...he has?"


"Yes, sire", continued the voice of the intercom, "He sent me for you, my lord."


"Great. Just great", Freeza muttered under his breath.


"Pardon, sire?", inquired the voice.


"I said I'll join him, you idiot!", Freeza snapped at the speaker.


Zarbon took a last look at his fallen comrade, who was groaning weakly, before turning to Freeza, "Shall I call for a medic, sire?"


Freeza glanced at his unconscious henchman and thought for a moment.


"...nah..."


"Sire...", came the voice again.


"WHAT?", Freeza roared, veins flaring on his forehead.


"Your father, sire...he's a bit upset."


Both Freeza and Zarbon froze. Freeza spoke up, "...he is?..."


"Yes, sire."


"Hm...how upset?"


"Well, sire...very, in fact."


Freeza groaned and it looked to Zarbon as if all the energy had left him for a moment with the way his shoulders slumped down. He looked like a reprimanded child.


"Shit...uh...", Freeza stammered, seeking authority once more, "Um...Zarbon, come!"


The man in question started, "Y-yes, sire!"


They met the guard outside the chamber and he escorted them down the hallways, Freeza ignoring the salutes of his men as he and Zarbon walked. Freeza paused when they reached the door marked with the words "LANDING DOCK NO. 6." Zarbon noticed with hidden shock that his master's hands were trembling and that a single trickle of sweat was making its way down the side of his face. He said nothing, respecting his master's pride and privacy.
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TBC