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It begins and ends with you	By : alchemicprincess Category: Fullmetal Alchemist > Yaoi - Male/Male > Roy/Ed Views: 2439 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the FMA series nor do I own any of the characters nor am I making any profit it.

Chapter List
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Going Back

The trees slipped by in the distance, nothing more than a blur of green and brown as he rested his head against the cool of the window for some minute amount of relief, the heat was stifling in the cabin and with the windows jammed shut he would find no solace until he reached his destination. Hours of boredom led him to dig out the kit for his auto mail arm and he set about oiling the joints so it would move smoother. He would miss his brother and Winry while he was gone; it warmed him to see their happiness after being separated for all those years. They had gotten engaged at the start of the summer and Winry was already making her plans. It was when they were lost in each other with plans of their future that he felt the most alone. He planned to look for his own accommodations when he returned. He returned to looking out the window into the nothingness of the distance when the screech of metal on metal ripped him from his trance, they had arrived.

Edward stepped off of the train onto the platform and stretched out his tired muscles. He watched the people milling around as they fussed over their loved ones, collected their belongings; they laughed and hugged one another. After a quick scan of the platform he sighed. He would never admit it out loud, but he would love to get a reception like that; but considering where he was- that was never going to happen. He slung his back pack over one shoulder and trudged his way through the crowd and out onto the street. Central had changed very little since he had been here last, considering that was almost three years ago, that was saying a lot. Oh sure, there had been repairs from the war, aside from that it was still just Central.

“Edward!” He turned around to face the curb and spotted Colonel Hawkeye standing beside a military car. She stood tall and proud as she always had; her uniform crisp and jacket buttoned to the top regardless of the stifling heat. Riza Hawkeye would never change in that aspect, her job was her life. “Colonel!” Ed greeted her as he came to stand beside the car. He looked down when he felt something nuzzling his flesh palm. “Black Hayate!” The dog sat back on its haunches and lolled his tongue out in glee as Ed ruffled the fur on its head. “Well, who would have thought the full metal alchemist would return to central?” She mocked lightly as she commanded her faithful hound into the back and then climbed into the driver’s seat. Ed chuckled as he opened the passenger side door.

“Well, if it’s bad enough for HIM to request MY help- how could I say no?” He shifted in his seat to face out the window, missing the exasperated eye-roll from Hawkeye. “Please tell me that the two of you have matured enough to be in the same room as each other without needing a referee!” Ed cringed at the tone in her voice. Hawkeye, albeit stern, had been a very strong mother figure for Al and himself whilst they resided in the dorms. “I promise to behave Colonel- but I can’t speak for the hot head!.” He offered her a wide, dopey grin that made her relax slightly. As much of a pain as the full metal had been over the years, she had missed his presence.

The tall buildings zipped passed them as they drove, Ed had so many memories of this place. Good and bad. Being the youngest person to take and pass the State Alchemy exam, that was a good; what happened to Nina -He stopped his train of thought then and there, it could only lead to heartache. The large white building that was Central command came into focus and Ed began to the stirrings of anxiety in the pit of his stomach. No one but he knew that this trip would change everything.

***

The twin towers of paper sitting in front of him made him cringe in regret. Roy mustang didn’t know why he allowed himself to do this every week. The papers built up more and more and he would just saying to himself.

‘Later, I will sign them later.’

He slid the next form over and scanned it before signing it and sliding it to the decidedly smaller pile to his left. He never knew that becoming Fuhrer meant more paper work than he had ever seen in his collective years as a servicemen. He wasn’t sure if prior knowledge to this would have kept him from gunning for the position. A face flashed in his mind.

Maes Hughes. Roy closed his eyes and smiled woefully. “Well, you supported me from the inside til the very end.” The pain ripped through him at the memory of his lost friend. Once again he shoved it all back in the little box of emotions in the back of his mind that he put together when the deaths began piling up. He had other issues to attend to, he couldn’t fall apart. Who would put him back together? He took the next report and scanned it, signed it and began making as much of a dent in the tower as he could.

He took a bite from the cold meat sandwich that Hawkeye had brought him earlier and flexed his fingers. The requests that were coming in were ridiculous, permission for a whole family to move into Central, permission to renovate or knock down a wall. It was ridiculous the things people thought they could get approval for. He stamped several papers with ‘DECLINED’ and slid them to the slowly growing pile of completed work. He toyed with the idea of simply igniting the remaining items and wondered if he could actually get away with it.

Instead he laced his fingers together behind his head leaned the chair back, Roy hadn’t meant to but before he knew it the dark lull of sleep had pulled him under and he found himself once more immersed in horrid nightmares that plagued him in the darkness.

***

Edward tracked the all too familiar halls on his way to Mustangs office. Greeting many people he didn’t know and stopping to chat with those he did. Some had never returned from war and some were visible signs of it. Lieutenant Havoc now sported one of the Rockbell’s famous chainmail items; He had lost his arm in an explosion while defending Central command. Ed offered him a knowing smile as they shook hands. Winry and Pinako had had to work double time to keep up with the influx of injured soldiers.

He and Hawkeye came to a complete stop in front of the ornate double doors; Mustang had risen very quickly to the rank of Fuhrer after the war- and after he had healed. He had lost his eye in the battle with the old Fuhrer (who had turned out to be a homunculi anyway) He raised his fist to knock loudly, to maybe even startle the flame alchemist from his desk but saw the look that Riza was giving him. “Thanks Colonel, I can take it from here.” He offered her the most innocent smile he could muster and hope that she bought it. They both knew that she hadn’t but she nodded anyway, pivoted on her right heel and walked off to take care of her pending duties.

He waited until she was out of sight and opened the left side door, taking a peek inside. He spied the Fuhrer behind his desk, he looked like he was sound asleep; creeping closer Edward realised it couldn’t of been further from the truth. Beads of sweat rolled down Mustangs scrunched face, the man mumbled furiously about death and moving bodies. It didn’t take him long at all to figure out that the man was reliving the war in some horrible nightmare. Edward wondered whether either of them had had any real rest since that day. Roy became restless and then raised his gloved hand, acting quickly Ed moved closer and clutched it in both of his, disabling the ability to create a spark and thus possibly wiping out half of the Central building.

The contact seemed to do nothing in the way of rousing Roy from his internal struggle. Edward moved one hand to the man’s shoulder and shook it firmly.

“Mustang!” It was firm enough for Mustang to hear, but not loud enough as to bring the man’s command rushing into the room. Roy screamed out in a way Edward had never heard before; so much pain and agony. Tears welled in the flame alchemists’ eyes as his chest heaved. Trying hard to regain his composure and breath, the men locked eyes and just stared for a long while in a mute understanding. Finally Roy pulled away and stood up, acting as if nothing had happened. Ed smirked and shook his head in disbelief, he no more wanted to lower his bravado than any other man- but some things needed to be talked about or it would kill you slowly from the inside.

“So, you decided to come after all?” Roy’s voice was scratchy, the pain still evident as he straightened up his shirt and hair. Ed stuffed his hands in his pockets and eyed the office around them. “You said you needed help. So I came.” He put it simply. Mustang smirked and turned to face the blonde man, he had grown to a full height of 5’6”; but had dropped all anger towards his shortcomings. The war had hardened him, but not removed his humanity- he was still sane.

“Still a dog of the military then Elric?” He snidely remarked, baiting him, willing him to return some normalcy to his dark and empty life. Ed’s cheeks flared red for a moment before finally paling again. “No Mustang. Not the Military.” Ed sighed as he perched himself on the edge of the desk. He could see the confusion on Roys face and this gave him a minute amount of pleasure. “What is it you need me for?” Ed asked bluntly, he was beginning to grow tired. The trip from Resembool to Central was catching up on him as he hadn’t slept on the train, or the night before…or the night before that.

The Fuhrer took a folder from the drawers in the corner and brought it to Ed, who flicked through it curiously. “We found some remnants of Tuckers work.” Mustang waited for the man’s reaction, he knew how Ed felt about the sewing life alchemist. “Oh?” The response was such a letdown that Mustang almost barked at him, instead he sat down behind his desk again. Edward was supposed to be a constant that he could rely on. They had always had this back and forth relationship, Roy tickled Edwards’ anger and he would explode. Without that what did he have left? He could feel the world around him begin to crumble and his internal struggle to keep everything locked into place until he was alone was a losing battle. What had happened to his life?

“I can’t…” He half choked half mumbled into his hands. Edward looked up from the paper work and at the man before him in confusion, startled by the realisation that Mustang appeared to be having some kind of break down. Full metal crossed the room and locked the door before crossing back and opening Roy’s liquor cabinet. He sat on the desk in front of Mustang and poured two fingers of scotch into both glasses. He handed one to the older man and waited for him to take it. They sat in silence for a few moments, mulling over the scotch and how it burned before Edward broke the silence.

“No one seems to understand what we went through. We were in the guts of the whole rotten thing; we watched it from the start.” Roy watched him talk from over his glass. “The nightmares are always there. Asleep, awake- it doesn’t matter.” Ed took a sip of his drink and stared into the glass, lost in some distant memory. “I keep thinking if I had of done things differently, would more people have survived? If I had of tried harder…” He trailed off and looked away. Roy knew that he was crying silently. It made him feel strange to think that of all the people his break down would happen with- Full Metal was the last person to ever cross his mind.

“I feel like my hands are soaked with blood. No matter how many times I wash them- so many lives were lost because of me.” Ed whispered, Roy looked at him, uncaring at his wet cheeks or red eyes and glared angrily. He was not angered at Ed, no, he was angry at the world that made this poor young man feel like he hadn’t done enough. Grabbing his chin and forcing eye contact. “Edward Elric, those lives were lost because of greed, because of some stupid ideal that never came to pass anyway! Don’t you ever blame yourself for any of those souls.” Ed’s eyes widened as he realised how close their faces were. A blush rose to his cheeks.

Roy pulled his hand away, as if suddenly snapping back into reality and cleared his throat. For a moment they both drank in silence. “I have some better scotch in my quarters if you want to join me?” Ed nodded and picked up the file he had been given, he walked in the direction indicated by Mustangs finger and went ahead while the older man rang through to tell Hawkeye there were to be no interruptions and he would be out when he was out.

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A/N: This is the first FF I have written in a few years. So any and all criticism would be appreciated! Not sure what this is going to turn out to be. I am just letting the words flow J
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It begins and ends with you