A Reason for Living

Disclaimers: I don’t own anything.

Author’s notes: This story was written in response to a challenge made by Angel Relena. The rules were a pairing of Relena and Trowa. I also had to use these three lines. “I can’t live like this anymore.” “Yes it is, yes . . . it is.” and “How . . . how do you know?”

Well, I wrote it. Hope you all like it.

A Reason for Living

Chapter One


He sat alone in his small apartment on Earth. He didn’t need much, nothing at all actually. It didn’t matter to him if he had a bed or not. He just didn’t care anymore.

The phone rang, but he didn’t pick it up. He listened as the answering machine took a message. “Trowa?” A familiar voice said from the other end of the phone line. It was Catherine, his sister. “Trowa, are you there? Please, Trowa, answer the phone. Fine, then. Just call me when you get this message. I’m worried about you Trowa.”

Trowa sighed as he looked out the window. Maybe he should call her. He shouldn\'t let her worry. But he pushed that thought away. He really didn’t want to talk to anybody right now. He just wanted to be left alone.

Alone, that’s what he was, he realized. Catherine was on one of the colonies with the circus troupe. The other pilots were somewhere, back to their normal lives.

But Trowa didn’t have a normal life to go back to. He had been raised a mercenary. It was all he knew, really. Of course, there were the circus and his sister, but neither made him happy anymore. He cared for his sister a lot, but that wasn’t what he wanted right now.

What he wanted was love. And there was only one person he loved. Relena Peacecraft. She was beautiful, she was smart, and she had everything a man could ever want in a woman. But she was in love with someone else, Heero Yuy. The two of them had been seeing each other for over a year now, ever since the end of the war.

When they got together, Trowa just left. He couldn’t stand being around the two of them. He saw how happy Relena was, how much she loved Heero. Trowa couldn’t try and take her away from Heero. What if she didn’t love him? What if she hated him for breaking up their relationship? He wouldn\'t be able to bear it.

But he couldn’t bear his life now anyway. It was empty without Relena in it. He would give anything to see her again, even if Heero was the one holding her hand, kissing her lips.

“I can’t live like this anymore.” He muttered to himself.

Trowa turned and walked over to his bed. He sat, running his hand through his hair. He couldn’t stand the way he lived anymore. He turned his head slightly, a glint of metal catching his eye.

He reached out and picked up the knife that lay on the table by his bed. Slowly, he ran his fingers along the blade. Trowa did this every night, contemplating whether or not he should just slide it over his wrists. Who would miss him if he were gone? He was only sure that Catherine would miss him. No one else would care, not even Relena.

Trowa put the knife down, thinking that he could try and get through one more day. He lais hes head on the pillow and closed his eyes. Slowly, he drifted off into sleep. But he was plagued with visions of Relena. If he weren’t so depressed about her being in love with someone else, these visions would be called dreams. And in those dreams, Relena was in love with him. She was proclaiming that love to him with dozens of sweet kisses, with her words of adoration for him.


Chapter Two


Relena awoke, hearing her phone ringing. She got out of bed, wondering who would be bothering her this late at night. When she picked up the phone, she snapped, “What?”

“Relena?” Catherine said from the other end of the line.

“Catherine?” She replied, immediately snapping out of her drowsiness. Catherine would only call if something was wrong.

“I’m sorry for calling so late, Relena. It’s just that I’m worried about Trowa.”

“Is there something wrong with Trowa?” Relena asked, her concern rising with every second.

“That’s just it.” Catherine replied. “I don’t know. I’ve been calling and calling for days now and he never picks up. I leave messages, but he never returns my calls.”

“So why are you calling me?”

“I thought that maybe you could drop in on him, since you don’t live that far away.” Catherine said.

“But I thought he left the country shortly after the war?” Relena asked.

“He did, but he moved back a few weeks ago. I have the address of his place if you want it.”

Relena grabbed a pen and pencil and wrote down the address that Catherine gave her. Then, she sat on her bed. Her mind wandered, thinking about Trowa. Had it really been a year since she’d seen him.

She remembered that back then, she had been dating Heero. But that had been over for a while now. He just couldn’t express his emotions, couldn’t show her the love she wanted.

Even before they broke up, she felt that they weren’t right together. Her eyes always drifted over to Trowa when he was around. She loved him, but she denied her feelings. She knew it was wrong for her to feel that way about one of Heero’s friends, especially when she was dating him.

A month after Trowa left, she broke it off with Heero. After that, she couldn’t get her mind off of Trowa. Relena had gone so far as to call Catherine to ask where he was. She had wanted to tell him how she felt about him, to find out if her feelings for him were true or not. But when Catherine had told her that Trowa had left the country, she thought she’d never have a chance to find out.

Now it looked as if she had a chance again. However, he might be seeing someone now. He might have found someone to spend the rest of his life with. If he had, then she couldn’t tell him, wouldn’t upset him by confessing her feelings.

“Oh, Trowa, I hope you’re okay.” She whispered to the empty room.


Chapter Three


Trowa awakened, hearing a knock at his door. He groaned, not wanting to see anyone at the moment. But again, there was a knock. He sat up. “Just wait a minute.” He nearly shouted.

He pulled on a pair of jeans that were lying on the ground, not bothering to get a shirt. He didn’t really care what he looked like. Trowa just wanted to tell the person at the door to leave him alone.

He walked over to the door and pulled it open quickly. Before he could shout and tell the person to go to hell, he noticed that it was Relena that had knocked on his door.

“Relena?” He gasped, suddenly aware that he wasn’t wearing a shirt. He turned and grabbed the nearest one to him, throwing it on quickly. When he turned back to Relena, he saw her blushing slightly. “What are you doing here?” He asked.

“Catherine called. She’s worried about you.” Relena replied. She put her hand to her mouth, and Trowa could tell that she was trying not to giggle.

“What?” Trowa asked, not liking the way she was looking at him.

“Your hair. Could you fix your hair?” She replied, several of her giggles finally escaping.

Trowa walked into his bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror. He looked absolutely terrible. His hair was a mess. Once he had styled it in its usual way, the way he liked it, he walked out of the bathroom.

To his surprise, he found Relena inside his room, cleaning it. In her hands were a few magazines he had just left lying around. “What are you doing?” He asked.

“I just thought I’d help you get this place in shape.” She answered, smiling at him.

Trowa loved that smile. “You don’t have to do that.” He replied, taking the magazines from her hands.

She smiled again. “Would you like to get some coffee or something and tell me why you haven’t answered any of your sister’s calls in over a week?”

Trowa sighed, and accepted her invitation. They walked to a nearby coffeehouse. Over coffee, he talked with her, never explaining why he hadn’t been talking to his sister.

He enjoyed every minute of the conversa. T. They talked about old times. Trowa avoided any mention of Heero, not wanting to remember that he and Relena were still a couple.

They walked around town, talking of their hopes and dreams for the future. Trowa lied about most of his hopes and dreams, not wanting to tell her that she was his only hope, his only dream.

When she left that night, his heart cracked. He knew he’d probably never see her again. She would go back to her happy life with Heero. And he’d be left with his miserable existence without her.

He sat on the edge of his bed, tears falling from his eyes. How could he ever live without her? That day they had spent together, only reminded him of what he was missing, of all the things he longed for but could never have.

Trowa picked up the knife again. This time he wouldn’t stop. He couldn’t go on anymore. Slowly, he slid the blade over his wrists, cutting deeply. Then the other one, again slicing deep.

He watched as the blood flowed from his open veins. But he didn’t care. Soon his pain would be over, everything would be over. He laid back on his bed and waited for the end to come.


Chapter Four


Relena felt like such an idiot. Why hadn’t she told Trowout out her feelings? She’d had the perfect opportunity to do it. They had been alone together all day. But she just chickened out.

She told the driver to turn around. This time she wouldn’t chicken out. She had to tell Trowa. He had to know how she felt about him.

As she walked down the hall to Trowa’s apartment, her heart was filled with hope. Maybe he would return her feelings. Maybe he would tell her that he loved her too.

She knocked on the door, but no one answered. She knew he was home. She had just left him there. So, she knocked again. And again, no one answered. Maybe he was in the bathroom or something.

Relena took a chance, and turned the doorknob. It wasn’t locked so she opened it. She hoped Trowa would forgive her for just coming in like this. But she did have something important to tell him.

When she saw Trowa, she nearly fell back in shock. She saw the blood. There was so much blood. His skin was pale, almost white. Relena ran to his side, hoping she had gotten to him in time. Placing her fingers to his throat, she prayed that she would find a pulse. She did, but it was faint and weak.

Quickly she picked up the phone and dialed for an ambulance. Then she grabbed his wrists, trying to stop the blood that was seeping from his wrists. She pushed her tears back. This was not the time to panic, she thought. She would have plenty of time when he was at the hospital, in the hands of a doctor.


Chapter Five


Trowa slowly opened his eyes. How come he wasn’t dead, he wondered. He was sure he wasn’t dead. When you were dead, you didn’t feel pain, unless you went to Hell. But if he were in Hell, he should feel a whole lot worse.

He looked around the room, and his eyes caught sight of someone sitting in a chair close to him. As his eyes focused, he saw that it was Relena. “Relena?” He said, his voice weak.

She lifted her head from her hands and looked at him. Trowa could see that she had been crying, and cursed himself for ever causing her pain. “Trowa!” She exclaimed as she walked to his side.

“Where am I?” He asked.

“You’re in a hospital, Trowa.” She replied, placing her hand on the side of his face. “It’s all right now. You’ll be fine.”

Trowa wished he could believe that. But the only girl he had ever loved was in love with someone else. “No, it’s not.” He said, turning his gaze away from her.

“Yes it is, yes . . . it is.” She insisted. “I know how you feel Trowa.”

Trowa turned his head back, looking deep into her violet eyes. They were filled with such pain. “How . . . how do you know?” He asked, his words coming out in shuddered breaths. He could barely keep his tears away as she spoke.

“Do you think you’re the only person that ever tried to kill himself or thought of it? After Heero and I broke up, I thought I would never find someone that would love me. I thought that I\'d spend the rest of my life alone, and sometimes it got so hard that I couldn’t even get up in the morning. I thought about ending it, but there was something I always thought of that kept me going.”

“What?” He asked.

“You. I love you. I have for the longest time.” She replied, her tears dripping from her chin.

Trowa’s heart leapt, hearing that Relena loved him. “Relena, if you had told me that before I did this, I never would have tried to kill myself.” He confessed, trying to pass it off as a joke. Then he got serious. “I thought you could never love me, that you and Heero were happy and in love.”

“We broke up about a year ago. I should have just told you.” Her tears still fell.

“No” He said, lifting his hand to her face to wipe her tears away. The bandages around his wrist caught his attention for a moment, but he turned back to Relena. “This is not your fault. I should have told you. God knows I wanted to for the longest time. I love you Relena, more than words can express.”

She smiled, her violet eyes sparkling with happiness. She brought her lips to his. The kiss was short but sweet. It was more than Trowa ever thought he’d get from Relena, the love of his life.

She pulled away from him. “Promise me that you’ll never do anything as stupid as this again.”

“I promise.” He replied, meaning every word.

Once he was out of the hospital, he would never hurt her again. He would never let her be unhappy for a minute. Every second of her life would be filled with joy, for as long as he lived. Trowa would make it his purpose in life. And he knew that he would be happy with her. He loved her so much. She was his life, his reason for living.

The End

I know the ending was sappy. But it was all I could think of. The story was kinda short, shorter than anything else I’ve written. Hope you liked it. Please Review. Tell me if you think I should write a sequel to this or not. And as always, suggestions are always welcome.