The Dog Park

The Dog Park

By Chibi Hentai-chan and Kitsunehi

Dislcaimer: We don\'t own Gundam Wing, Bandai and Sunrise does. We do not make any money off of these stories, if we did, we wouldn\'t have nearly the debt that I\'m wallowing in right now! (this applies the chapter 2 and the upcoming chapter 3 also!)

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It was a dark and stormy night. No, actually, it was a bright and sunny afternoon. Really! The air carried the smell of burning processed imitation animal flesh and doo doo. Dog doo doo.

Or as Duo Maxwell called it, “The Nuggets from Dog.” Currently, said dog was, in fact, making nuggets behind a forsythia bush, much to the chagrin of it’s braided owner. “God dammit Max! Now I gotta clean that up!” The blue-eyed American stomped over with his required “scoop kit”, which, for Duo, was an empty bread bag.

No shovel was required. You see, Duo had a system. A system that required nothing more than the damned empty bread bag! The simple process called for one to turn the bag inside-out. At whichnt, nt, the wielder, using the bag as a glove, is able to reach down and pick the warm nuggets up off the ground, squeeze to make certain of the consistency, then pull the bag back right-side-out. This is followed by the important tying off of the bag, to seal in the stench. Then the proud owner holds the bag at arm’s length, while they happily stomp toward the nearest refuse receptacle, where his pooch’s hard work is immediately forgotten.

Of course, this is also merely Duo Maxwell’s way of doing things.

My name is Heero Yuy and I have been coming to the Dog Park for some time. I’ve spent several afternoons watching Duo and Max. Oblivious to both, of course. Well, maybe only the human. So far, it seems as though unless the huge Golden Retriever shits or pisses on me, or humps my leg, his human is unlikely to notice I exist. Of course, I’ve noticed he’s existed from the day he and the blonde mutt strolled past my apartment complex. Intrigued, I had to follow. How could you not follow such a pretty boy? The dog was a pain, but I could deal with it, so long as I could watch Duo from behind my usual copy of the New York Times.

As usual, Duo is surrounded by his three constant companions in this God-forsaken corner of urban hell. There’s Quatre Winner, the blonde C.E.O. of his late father’s company, who always has his Dauchund, Princess. I bet money the freak dresses her in those scary doggie outfits that social rejects tend to love so much. He probably even has little scenario areas for the damned thing. He has enough money to do it. Although, being that rich, you have to call him “eccentric” rather than “crazy”. No, fuck it, he’s loony as the day is long.

Next is Trowa Barton. Trowa and Quatre are what my late mother used tol “sl “special friends”. However, the press hasn’t gotten wind of that little tidbit, and hopefully won’t. Although Winner’s a bit weird, Barton seems to have his shit together, at least for the most part. Except for the backpack with the hyperactive Italian Greyhound that sticks it’s bug-eyed, pointy little head out of. It probably pisses in there. It has to. The damned thing has no fur and looks like it starts the day with a pot of espresso. It’s just….creepy. And to top it off, the fucking thing’s name iobo”obo”. Where do you come up with a name like “Bobo”?!

The thing would have ugly little shits. Especially if it bred with Princess. Ugh.

The last of the merry group is a police detective named Chang WuFei, wearwears his hair in such a tight tail, the man has got to give himself migraines. No wonder he always looks like he’s constipated. Actually, he kind of looks like a chicken. A constipated one. He’s got this monster of a mutt named Nataku. Nataku is a Mastiff that apparently thinks it’s a lap dog. Her favorite thing to do is flop down in “daddy’s” lap while he’s meditating. The man really needs a hobby. Or a girlfriend. That way someone would make sure he stops wearing those wussy-looking Chinese sets. In white. What kind of dipshit is this guy?! White? In a dog park? With a big fucking dog? How did he become a detective?

Of course, the dogs are pieces of work in their own rights. Max, for example, would fuck a tree. No, seriously. I’ve seen him do it. More than once. He also tries his Casanova routine on all the other dogs, male and female alike. Most aren’t receptive to him, although I did see Princess bite his ear once. Of course, if what they say about bei being like their owners is true, then I’d really like to spend a weekend alone with Mr. Maxwell. Naked. Without the dog very probably trying to hump me in the barg He’ He’s already made a pass at my leg and if he does it again, I’ll neuter him myself.

Then, there’s the rat. The little gray rat. The little gray Italian rat. The thing always runs and hides behind his human’s leg any time Max gets within fifty feet of him. I don’t know if Bobo’s scared of the other dog, or just wants to keep his virginity for Princess. Once again, pets and their owners. Although God, the offspring would be ugly. Really fucking ugly. Long-bodied, pointy-nosed, freaks of nature with no fur and long ears. They’d all look anorexic. And cold. God, I’m describing the rat’s owner. That’s just creepy.

Now Princess, on the other hand, is as friendly as a dog can get. Without humping your leg. But don’t piss the damned thing off. She’ll tear the ass out of your khakis in point-five seconds and smile the entire time. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her tail stop wagging. Especially if Bobo’s around. They’re just sickening. Kind of like the corresponding humans, to be honest. You can practically see the sparkly bubbles and little hearts surrounding them every time one or the other makes eye contact. I’m just thankful they can’t reproduce. That could be even scarier than little gray wiener rats.

And thenere’ere’s Nataku. In the traditional Mastiff manner, she’d tear you limb from limb if you even feigned a threat at her owner, but most times, she’d be likely to lick you to death first. Typical woman. Threaten her man and she’ll hate you forever. No wonder I’m gay. Hell, I bet she even sleeps in his bed. Bad mental picture. Bad. Not going to the Bad Place. Duo naked…Duo naked…Duo naked…Duo naked… Mmmm. Better. Boy, I’d like Duo naked. No, really. I’d like Duo naked. I’m serious. Why the hell else would I be in this shithole, surrounded by smelly, over-enthusiastic, co-dependant, leg-humping disease-carrying dogs that can’t even get rid of their own waste, or bathe themselves?

Hn. Well, looks like playtime’s over for today. The rat is back in it’s bag, leashes are being reset, Princess is scooped up into lavender-covered arms. Even Nataku has abandoned Daddy’s lap. Time to fold up the newspaper and head home. It’s on days like this I’m glad for the sunglasses, but I really hate the trench coat. It’s just too fucking hot.

“Hey, aren’t you hot? It’s gotta be close to eighty-five degrees out here.”

I turn, and look…cobalt blue eyes glare directly into mine. He noticed me. Hn. Dammit, now Max is sniffing. Shit. I’m really glad I’m not wearing anything that cold wet nose could plow into. I openly looked his outfit over and replied, “Aren’t you? You’re the one wearing all black.”

“Yeah, well, at least solving yours wouldn’t get you arrested for indecent exposure,” he drawled, leaning against a lamp post.

No, that’s the problem, though, isn’t it? If I take off the jacket, I’m likely to poke my own damn eye out. These damn spandex shorts don’t hide a fucking thing. Even though they do stretch nicely to accommodate my hard on…thank God they stretch. But verbally, I reply with a simple, “Hn.”

“Although, I suppose I could take the shirt off,” he continued as though I didn’t just nearly brush him off with the tact of a zucchini. “It’s be a hell of a lot cooler, I guess. Here, could you hold Max for me?” Without waiting for an answer, he looped the leash around my wrist and stripped the shirt off right there.

I have a lot of self-control. More than most people. So I really didn’t want to admit that I nearly busted a nut right there. But damn, I was close. Something that gorgeous should be illegal. I knew I was staring and very probably drooling even more than the mutt, but if he noticed, he didn’t say anything, reaching over to take the leash back, carefully making sure to brush against me any which way he could. Bastard. He’d so better be hitting on me. Because if he’s not, the sadistic little fuck would cause me a fortune in water bills with the cold showers and loads of dirty sheets I’d have.

“You know, it’s a bad neighborhood around here,” he told me, grabbing my arm. “I should, uh, walk you home. Make sure you make it there safely.”

“What about you?” I asked, glancing at him out of the corner of my eyes. I could already imagine him in nothing but a little red hooded cape. Hm. That could have possibilities. Oh, please little boy…take this big bad wolf to Grandma’s place…

“Oh, me? I got Max,” he explained, then stopped as if a thought had just occurred to him. “So, what about you, man? What are you doing in a dog park if you don’t have a dog?”

I answered him honestly. “Enjoying the view.”

“See anything you like often?” he asked, his voice dropping to a suggestive purr.

“Every day.”

“I see.” He was quiet for a moment and I began to worry a little. The guy was never quiet. It was…spooky. Then, with a quirk of his eyebrow, he said, “Let’s get you home…” He trailed off meaningfully, letting me know that this was the time I was to supply him with a name.

“Yuy. Heero Yuy,” I responded automatically. Oh shit…did I just use a Sean Connery line on someone I want to…well, what the hell; it always worked in the movies. He has an accent, I have an accent…I think I’m definitely better looking, and probably more Duo’s type. God, I hope I’m Duo’s type. Pleeeeeeeease say I’m Duo’s type.

“So, is Yuy the last name…?” he asked cautiously.

“Hai…yes…” I responded immediately. What an idiot. I’m trying to talk to him and I don’t know if he knows Japanese or not.

“Oh! You speak Japanese?” He brightened visibly and winked at me. “Well, that’s good, ‘cause there’s noting sexier than a man speaking his….native tongue.”

Fair enough…things were nitenitely looking up.


* * *
“Well, this is my building,” I told him, gesturing toward the door. His face fell. Should I ask him to come up? What the hell…it couldn’t hurt, as long as Max decided not to start a love affair with my leg, any neighbors, my potted ferns… “You wanna come up?”

This was when he visibly brightened again. “Yeah!” he replied enthusiastically, bounding up the stairs ahead of me, never mind the fact that he had no clue as to where he was going. I was just enjoying the view the entire three story climb to my floor. We took the stairs; didn’t want Max claiming the elevator, after all.

“This one’s mine,” I said, feeling incredibly stupid when I stopped in front of my door. As if I’d have the keys to someone else’s apartment and would be passing it off as my own to fuck a perfect stranger with a horny dog. I unlocked the door and poked my head around the corner to make sure it was safe. Occasionally, I have problems with the other inhabitant of the house trying to escape. I pushed the door open and gestured again. “Come in; please remove your shoes.”

“So…Japanese,” he breathed, somehow turning a simple statement into fuel for my wet dreams. How the fuck could he do that?! I had no idea two words could be so erotic.

“H-hai,” I stammered, trying to actually swallow, but you try fighting my raging libido. I toed off my shoes and shut the door behind us while Max immediately bounded into the house proper on his own doggy-recon mis. I . I really hoped my ferns were up high enough that he couldn’t whiz on them.

I lead him inside and he took everything in with a critical eye, appraising my Spartan furnishings. I didn’t require much; living alone will do that to a person, and what I had was required for myself and my computer, which is where I did most of my work anyway. I did have a couch, though, which he promptly flopped out across with a naughty grin. Who would have known that a shirtless man could make gray leather look like heaven?

“This is a nice place,” he told me, his gaze still wandering about. “Kinda bare, but I don’t suppose you’re the type that entertains much, huh? Very…feng shui, huh?”

“Feng Shui is Chinese,” I corrected him.

“Ah…well, guess that explains why I heard it from Wu, then,” he soliloquized to himself. “Well, anyway, I think we were talking about indecent exposure…which reminds me. You haven’t taken your coat off.”

I knew a challenge when I heard one and there was no way that a loud-mouthed American with more hair than anyone would know what to do with, other than use it as a sexual restraint, and a to-die-for body was going to get the best of me. I slid the coat off, carefully keeping myself turned away from him while I hung it up.

“Nice ass,” he complimented. “You work out?”

“Sometimes.” Well, it was now or never…

“Holy shit!” my guest yelped, staring directly at my crotch. “Fuck me being arrested for indecent exposure…what the hell, you got Godzilla in those shorts?”

“It’s Japanese,” I confirmed with a smirk, delighting in the way his face turned beet red. Two could play the game and I was finally scoring a few return points. So far, so good. Thank God for spandex.

“So, is that a banana in your shorts, or are you just happy to meet me, Yuy-san?” he questioned playfully.

“Why don’t you come here and find out,” I challenged him.

And he accepted. One smirk, a few steps and a hot kiss later, I found myself backed against the living room wall, helplessly gyrating against Duo as he bit down hard on my neck. Little shit certainly knew what he was doing, not that I was complaining. As I leaned forward for another kiss, we were interrupted by sixty pounds of wailing mutt barreling in between us, sporting a scratched nose.

“Max…what happened…?” Duo questioned, kneeling down in front of his beloved shit machine.

Sauntering into the room was the reply. A medium-sized tom with long gray fur and one eye took in the situation with his usual detachment and I sighed. That’s what the mutt got for sniffing my cat… “Neko,” I said warningly. And if a cat could smirk, I was rewarded with one. Smug little furball…why did I take her fuzzy gray ass home in the first place?

“You got a cat?!” Duo seemed shocked and somewhat hurt by this revelation. Apparently he figured that just because I went to the park meant I actually liked dogs or something.

“Yes, I have a cat.”

“Well…what’s his name?” he asked, trying to keep things friendly between us. Obviously he was still just as horny as I was.

“Her name’s Neko,” I told him.

“You named your cat ‘Cat’?” he sputtered incredulously. “Not much for imagination, are you?”

“You speak Japanese?”

“Four years in high school, two in college,” he confirmed with another one of his wicked grins. “Guess that explains why Wu keeps saying I’m a rice queen…”

I arched an eyebrow at him. “Rice queen?”

“Queen, king, it’s all the same,” he pronounced, waving me off. “Anyway, yeah. I took Japanese, and lo and behold, now I finally have a reason to use it. Not that it’ll do any good, though…all I can really do is ask for a pencil and if I may go to the bathroom.”

“Yes, you may have a pencil, no you may not go to the bathroom,” I told him. The look on his face was classic until he got his wits back.

“Well, Mr. Yuy, where can I find your…pencil?” he intoned, snaking his hand up the inside of my thigh.

“Middle drawer in the kitchen,” I deadpanned. Of course, that lasted for all of a few seconds before he let me know he had no intentions of writing anything down. Although there were other things he certainly wanted to get down. Of course, during this exchange, we’d completely forgotten about the damned furball, who’s obviously taken a liking to Duo.

“Dude! Goddammit! Your cat fucking pissed on me!” Duo began doing what could only be described as a jig of some sort, hopping around on one leg, waving the pant leg of the other, trying to keep his hands off the wet spot, unsuccessfully attempting to dry it. All he did was managed to waft the smell of fresh cat urine around my apartment, which was definitely a moollerller.

“Neko,” I warned in a low growl, pointing to the laundry room. “Litter box.”

Neko looked up at me, making it very apparent that she was unammused. “Nyan,” she replied in the exact deadpan I’d used moments before her spectacular display of foresight. I’d have to thank her for getting Duo’s pants off later with a can of wet food.

“Well, Duo-kun…I think we need to get your pants off,” I began slowly, watching him continue his antics across my living room, nearly tripping on his own dog and breaking my coffee table. As my statement ended, so did his escapade. He threw me the most amazing sensual, shocked look he could muster at the moment, which was impressive, considering the whole thing with the cat piss.

“So, you wanna get my pants off, huh?”

“Well, I consider it the polite thing to do, since my cat felt the need to do her business on them,” I told him with a shrug. “And I thought that’s why you came up in the first place. So why don’t you get out of them and sit on the couch.”

He managed to even make something as mundane as stripping off a pair of wet-legged jeans incredibly erotic. I couldn’t believe my luck. Then again, I certainly wasn’t complaining about the view I got of his burgundy boxer-briefs with the strangest pattern across the ass…

“What in the world…are those lip marks?” I questioned, arching an eyebrow at him.

“Uh, well, yeah,” he chuckled, wiggling that sweet ass my way. “My sister decided to pay me back for running her thong collection up the flag pole at work, and she managed to find these iron-on decals. Good thing I didn’t wear the ones with ‘Hello Kitty’ on them today…”

I blinked. “Sanrio?” That was actually kind of kinky. I wondered briefly if they were the fuzzy ones, but decided against asking. No need chasing him off so soon. “I thought you were a dog person.”

“Exactly,” he confirmed, making a face. “And it’s worse that the damn thing has a pink bow…always makes me think of some kinda sick offspring of Bobo and Princess…”

“No,” I corrected immediately. “Those things would be hideous.”

“And Sanrio isn’t?” He smirked at me for a moment, and flopped bonelessly onto my couch again, tossing me the pants. For a dog person, he sure acted a whole hell of a lot like a cat. Arch, graceful, demanding to be pampered at every turn…gods, I brought home my cat all over again…

“I’ll just go get these…clean…” I mumbled, highly disturbed at my recent epiphany.

“You do that,” he agreed, stretching so that his already-taut stomach muscles flexed slightly, showing off his well-defined abs. “I’ll be waiting right here for you.”

I turned to start the laundry, deciding to toss a few of my own soiled spandex bike shorts and a few tank tops I had laying around from my last visit to the gym downstairs. Come to think of it, the shirt I was wearing was fairly ripe…I stripped that off as well and tossed it into the basin. When I walked back into the room, Duo’s jaw dropped to his chest. I felt myself feeling suddenly very subconscious and I wondered if maybe I had grown some sort of mold I wasn’t aware of in the last few seconds. “Nani?” I questioned, squirming a little under that intense blue gaze.

“I know this may sound corny, but you’re really beautiful,” he breathed, letting is eyes rake over me. I felt like I was some sort of desert that had been made up especially for a starving kid and despite the heat, I shivered. “Well, ‘cept for those ugly damn socks…wanna take ‘em off for me?” he purred suggestively. “I at least wanna watch ya strip something off…”

So that’s how he wanted to play it, huh? Well, then, I guess I would just have to give him what he wanted. I turned around and bent over at the waist, very slowly peeling my socks my fmy feet, making sure to squirm around a bit. After all, it was only fair that I gave the shit some payback for all the hell he’s put me through.

“Nice, Hee-chan,” he called in a girly voice that I could hear the shit-eating grin in. “Now why don’t you get that cute ass of yours over here and kiss me.”

Did he just fucking call me “Hee-chan”?! That arrogant little prick! He expects to get some after calling me something someone would name their cat?! Oh no, Maxwell-kun, you’re working for it now! “Hn,” I muttered, glancing over my shoulder at him before I sauntered off into the kitchen. “Would you like some water?”

“Well, what the fuck did I do wrong…?” I heard him murmur to himself, followed by a playful response of, “Nah, what I would like is for you to get back out here and kiss me! C’mon! I’ll make it worth your while…”

Fucking brat. “I’m thirsty,” I called back, grabbing a beer. “You sure you don’t want a drink?”

He sighed loudly and I bet he was already pouting. “Yeah, sure…whatever you’re having.”

I smirked and brought out another Henry’s, walking back into the room. The little bastard definitely wasn’t playing fair. There he was, sprawled the same way I left him, minus his socks, his boxer briefs riding lower on his hips than they definitely had been before, showing off just the very top of a fine, chestnut-shaded pleasure trail. I nearly dropped the beer. I would have had to have killed him and I’m really not into necrophilia, so I forced myself forward and shoved the bottle into his hand. “Hot?”

“You seem to think so,” he remarked smartly.

I sat on the chair.

“What’s the matter, afraid I’m gonna bite?” he asked, taking a long swallow of beer. “Or afraid I won’t?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” I retorted, taking a sip of my drink.

“Actually, I would,” he replied, looking over the rim of his bottle with hooded eyes. “Mind if I come over and find out?”

“Yes.” I was going to make him work for it. Suffer, you little shit…

“Yes you mind, or yes you don’t?” he asked. I didn’t say anything and he suddenly sat up, carefully placing the bottle on a coaster and pulled on his socks. “I probably need to get going,” he muttered, pulling on his shirt and heading for the door. “Max, c’mon…”

“What about your pants?” I questioned. Surely he wouldn’t go out in his underwear…

“Forget it,” he half-snapped, tugging on his shoes. “Dammit, Max, come on…”

Two steps forward, three steps back. I was definitely fucking up. So, I did the only possible thing I could think of. I took off my shorts, then stalked over and kissed him hard. “I thought you wanted a kiss first.”

I felt him sag slightly and grabbed him before he hit the floor. “Yeah, well, I guess I got what I came for.”

Still pissed. Damn. Think fast… I glanced around to see exactly where his dog had gotten off to and found lf olf on the floor next to him, gasping for breath. There was Max, flopped out under the dining room table with Neko happily curled up on his back. It was very probably the strangest thing I’d ever seen in my entire life, but through the laughter, I couldn’t help but notice how…right they looked like that.

“Your cat is sleeping on my dog,” he pointed out in a quiet, slightly dazed voice.

“Funny,” I remarked, leaning back against the wall beside him. “She doesn’t like anybody.”

“Think they’re trying to tell us something?” he whispered, leaning toward me so that he spoke in my ear, his breath tickling the side of my neck.

“Hai.” I turned my head and kissed him again, grasping the back of his neck so that he couldn’t just pull away when he felt like it. He wanted a damn kiss and I was going to give him one.

“Hee-heero…are you naked?” he gasped when I finally let him up for air a few minutes later.

“Yes. And you’re way overdressed,” I pointed out, grabbing the bottom of his shirt. A second later, it was up and over his head, giving me that perfect view again and I leaned down ever-so-slightly to take a quick nip at his shoulder. “So, do you still need to get going?” Someone had once used a phrase I’d heard…“fucklepounced”. I never quite understood it until that moment that my head kissed the wood paneling. I was going to at least let out a noise of pain, but it was immediately smothered by Duo’s mouth.

Kissing is one of those things that I never quite got around to learning about, but I was soon discovering that it was a lot nicer than I remembered. Then again, the last time, I didn’t have Duo laid across me, rocking against my thigh, making little noises in the back of his throat. Of course, the last time, I wasn’t running my hands over a wmuscmuscled back with the softest skin I’d ever felt, either. Now if only the damn braid wouldn’t get in the way…

“Fucking hair,” he gasped, tossing the rope to one side and attacking my earlobe. “Now, where were we?”

“I was wondering if you still had to go,” I whimpered, trying to control the little shivers that rippled through my entire body. “But I guess not.”

“Not going,” he chuckled, latching onto my ear. “Coming, but definitely not going.”

“Hentai,” I hissed, arching up against him.

“I’m not the one who’s naked,” he pointed out wryly, tracing his hand down my bare side for emphasis.

“No…but you should be,” I growled, clutching at the waistband of his shorts.

“Now who’s the hentai?” he asked, grinding himself against me again. I gave up the tug-of-war with his clothing and clenched my hands down on his ass, pulling him tighter against me. I could feel his cock stabbing at my leg and I thought of how good it would feel burried in my ass. That mental image forced a low wail out of my throat when he latched onto the side of my neck, right behind ar. ar.

I never knew that was a sensitive spot. In fact, I never knew I even had sensitive spots at all. Boy was I being proven wrong. So far, my ear, the hollow behind it…and oh, there’s another one…is he pinching my nipple? Ah, who gives a fuck… Somewhere in the midst of the assault, I found myself calling out his name and I found his erection humping against my leg harder. I wanted him badly enough that it hurt, or it could have just been the fact that I was doing the same thing back with equal intensity.

“Heero…did you know that you’re purring?” Duo moaned, clenching his fingers in my hair.

“Don’t care…”

“I need my pants off…”

“Already off…”

“Not…that…smartass…” In a heartbeat, the wonderful friction was gone and he was ripping at his underwear. “Why won’t these fucking things come off?!” he howled.

“They need to go off over your legs,” I remarked, propping myself up on one arm. “Need some help with that?”

“Fuck you…” he retorted in a low, dangerous, and incredibly sexy voice, kneeling up enough to slide the underwear down. He fell back on his ass, leaving me with one hell of a view as he slid the clothes off the rest of the way.

“Not here,” I told him, starting to crawl away toward the bedroom.

“Why not?” he demanded, scrambling after me and pouncing onto my back.

“No lube,” I grunted, hitting the floor.

“Got beer…” he breathed desperately, rocking against my ass.

“Hurts,” I vetoed, trying not to start rubbing myself against the carpet.

“You tried it?” he asked, easing up a little.

“In college,” I answered, squirming away a bit.

“Anyone I know?” he asked playfully, resuming his attack on my earlobe.

“Trowa,” I answered simply.

“Trowa?” he demanded, sitting up and flipping me onto my back. “As in Trowa and Quatre Trowa? As in the two sickening lovebirds at the dogpark Trowa?”

“Hai.”

“Oh, you’re fucking telling me this one,” he ordered.

I shrugged, flat on my back and enjoying every second of it. “It was back in college. We were broke and these two girls at a party offered us money to make out. We did, and they upped the price if he fucked me. We didn’t have any lube or money, so we tried using beer. A dry fuck would have been better, I think. At least I wouldn’t have ended up with a yeast infection.”

“I thought only girls got those,” hed, sd, screwing up his face in discomfort.

“Well, when you don’t have money for an enema to get all that out, and there’s some residual yeast in there,” I explained with another shrug. “Although it was pretty damn embarrassing explaining to the campus doctor that I needed yeast infection cream for my ass. Worth the fifteen bucks I saved, but pretty bad. Fed me for a week, anyway.”

“Okay, no beer,” he agreed, squirming slightly. I guess that mental image killed the mood, but he was the nosy one. Not my fault this time. Heh. “So, where do you keep the lube in this place?”

“Bedroom,” I told him. “Which is where I was trying to go in the first place…”

“And you think you could just crawl around in front of me with an ass like yours and not expect me to pounce?” he demanded. After a moment, realization dawned on him and he started to snicker. “Fucklepounce!” he roared with laughter.

I could feel my face burning. I was going to kill Trowa. We swore we wouldn’t tell anyone about that night… “Hn.”

“So you’re the one that Quatre teases Tro about all the time!” he laughed. “From what I’ve heard, then, you’re one hell of a great lay…”

“So are you going to take his word for it, or are you going to find out?” I snapped, a little put out that I was some dirty little joke between the two of them. If it hadn’t been for that night, they never would have gotten together in the first place, and this is how they repaid me?

Duo grinned and stood, dragging me none-too-lightly to my feet before hauling my up in a fireman’s carry. “Ryoukai!” he announced happily, wobbling a bit. “Which way’s the bedroom?”

“Straight.”

“No you’re not…” he cackled to himself and I fought to ignore the bad joke. I couldn’t help myself though, and used my position to swat at his perfect little ass. “Ow!”

“Bedroom. Now,” I growled, giving the ever-present braid a yank.

“Hey!” he yelped. “Watch the fucking hair!”

That was obviously a sore spot with him and I found out just how sore when he threw me on the bed with a hurt look on his face. “Domenomen…” I whispered, reaching up to him.

He shifted slightly and looked away. “S’okay…you didn’t know,” he told me, then flopped next to me, avoiding my eyes.

“Duo…” I found myself pinned down.

“Fuck now, talk later,” he demanded, crushing my mouth against his.

Who was I to argue? I melted into the kiss, letting my hands wander over his body while he returned the favor. I wasn’t one for being touched, either, but there was something about his gentle fingers…my god, I’m starting to sound like a cheesy romance novel my cousin Relena reads… I couldn’t help myself and I started to laugh.

“Now what?” he snapped. This was getting annoying. “Did I find a ticklish spot?” he asked, his voice dropping into a much more gentle tone.

“Nothing…you just make my inner monologue sound like a bad Harlequin Romance,” I admitted sheepishly.

He grinned and wiggled his eyebrows a bit at that. “What? Thinking about my pulsating manhood?” he leered. “My throbbing manflesh? My…quivering member?”

By this point, I couldn’t help it. I was laughing so hard I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. He was very much going to pay for this later. Oh yes…there would be a later. And a much later. And a much, much later…and perhaps a tomorrow, too. I shook my head weakly, trying to look at him.

“You know, you look even more beautiful with tears in your eyes when you smile like that,” he whispered, leaning down to kiss me again.

I must have blushed seven shades of red and bit at his bottom lip to let him know that he was getting a bit too off-track. He bit back and that’s when things started to get a bit out-of-hand. Rough, playful and definitely out-of-hand. Perfect.

You know, I never thought that biting was a serious turn on…but then again, I never thought I’d get Duo in my bed, either. The day was turning out tofullfull of surprises, actually. Mind you, it may have had something to do with the fact that I was doing the biting at first, but I just couldn’t resist. That shoulder really was begging to be marked.

“Ouch!” Duo howled and swore for a moment, then grinned and returned the favor. Hard. Personally, I think he bit harder than I did, which called for retaliation. “Oi! Hey, Heero…that’s flesh! Jesus Christ on a weenie cart! Fuuuuuck!”

I looked up at him. “Jesus Christ on a weenie cart?” I asked, licking at the skin where’d I’d drawn blood. Oops.

“Yeah. Jesus Christ on a fucking weenie cart! Did ya have to draw blood?” He glanced down at the wound, suddenly fascinated with watching me lick at it, apparently. “You really are a cat person, ain’t ya?”

“Mmm. And here I thought it was amusing that I’d brought my cat home all over again, too,” I muttered. Speaking of cat-like behavior, I wondered if he responded to… I reached down and lightly ran my fingernails over the skin along his tailbone. Yep. Arched and everything. And moaned out loud. Very loud. What the fuck…?

The next thing I knew, Max was barreling down the hall, barking and snarling. Obviously he got the wrong idea and came to protect his human. Duo groaned and his head hit my chest. “Ma~ax…not now, you dumbass…”

“Your dog’s barking at me,” I pointed out helpfully.

“You know, I think that falls into the ‘No Shit’ category of the afternoon…” he muttered under his breath. “Dammit, Max, go away!” he ordered. When Max refused to listen, he propped himself up and brought his face up to the dog’s, at which point, Max stopped barking and began wagging his tail, rewarding Duo with a slurp on the nose. “Max, if you don’t get your ass out of here, I’m not feeding you tonight!”

“If you think I’m kissing any place where he’s licked you…” I began.

“What?” Duo pouted and flopped down next to me. “Dog saliva’s cleaner than human’s.”

“Yeah, but I don’t lick my own ass, either,” I responded dryly.

“Or eat your own shit,” he agreed. “Or Bobo’s…Princess’s…Nataku’s…random dog ‘D’…Okay, you’ve got a point. I’m gonna go wash my face after I puke.” He got up out of the bed and continued talking as he made his way to the bathroom. “’Course, you won’t hear me complaining if you lick my ass, but that’s you…no Max, not you…fuck, your nose is col-getouttathere!”

That did it. I couldn’t help it. I started to laugh, but when I actually sat up and watched duo contorting his body, swatting at Max and howling every time the cold wet nose got too close to certain areas, I burst out laughing hysterically. Maybe it was the little dance Duo was actually doing, or the fact that he had anti-bacterial soap all over his nose. Or the fact that he was completely naked during the ordeal. Either way, I was amused. Of course, that was until Neko decided that my lap looked comfortable and nap-worthy.

“Yeow!” Claws. Very sharp claws. Turning in circles. And one set right on my balls. They really know where to place those things… “Neko!” I roared, getting ready to pick her up and actually toss her off my lap. Of course, I got the typical response of the ‘wthe the hell do you want?’ look, followed by a nice long stretch, which only dug four sets of razor-sharp implements of torture into my bare flesh. I hate my cat.

And the little fucker was in the other room laughing now, even as he was trying to wipe his face and kick his dog’s nose out of his crotch. That was the last straw. I got up, carrying Neko under one arm, stopping to grab Max’s co wit with the other hand, and put them both outside the bedroom door, gleefully slamming it shut before either animal could sneak back in. “Ha!”

“Well, you sound pretty proud of yourself,” Duo drawled, leaping back onto my bed, looking me over blatantly when I turned back around. “Then again, I can see why.”

Okay, that was sort of a low blow. I’m not small, but well, Asian genetics do come into the picture here. I’m above average for a Japanese male, slightly below average for the typical American, but you know, size really doesn’t matter. Trowa never complained! Of course, Trowa never had my dick up his ass, either. Although he did tell me later he was rather relieved that I wasn’t long enough to choke him…wait a minute. I feel vaguely insulted, now that I think about it…

“That little bastard,” I growled under my breath. “He’s lucky he’s taken or I’d definitely choke him…”

“I don’t think I want to know, do I?” Duo asked, crawling over to the edge of the bed and reaching for my hand. He tugged me closer to the bed and wrapped his arms around my waist, immediately burying his face in my abdomen. His nose was cold…figures, I guess.

“Duo. Your nose is cold,” I told him abruptly.

“Mmm…yeah, but you’re warm,” he purred, rubbing his damn cold nose along my skin. “Very warm…”

I was about to retort…really, I was. I swear to god I was…I…what’s my name again? Oh look, I can see the inside of my skull. How do I know? Because my eyes just rolled back into my head.

It felt good. Sue me.

“Heero…you need to get back into bed,” he suggested, pulling his mouth away from my bellybutton.

Heero. Right. That was my name.

“Huh?”

“You. Bed. Now.” He decided to make it harder to resist by flopping back and stretching his entire naked form over my comforter. Did I mention it was a rather naked, rather erect form? Just cheg.
g.

Needless to say, I didn’t need to be told twice. I think I yelled “bonzai!” as I leapt onto the bed. not not really sure. I do know that I wound up with a gasping Duo under me, but when I tried to get up and let him breathe, he pulled me right back down again. I guess he liked it there. I know I wasn’t complaining. “I’m in bed, so now what?” I asked, cocking an eyebrow at him.

“Now, we fuck like minks,” he told me with a wicked grin.

“Ryoukai.”