Wish I Never Saw The Sunshine

BY : FrozenSongbird
Category: Gundam Wing/AC > Yaoi - Male/Male > Trowa/Quatre
Dragon prints: 49
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or Beth Orton's song "I Wish I Never Saw The Sunshine" - I make no money from any fanfic I write. Repost from FF, as I no longer have my account on there.

I wish I never saw the sunshine.

“Baby do you know what you did today?
Baby do you know what you took away?
You took the blue out of the sky, My whole life changed when you said goodbye
And I keep crying. Crying. Ooh baby. Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh baby.
I wish I never saw the sunshine, I wish I never saw the sunshine
and if I never saw the sunshine baby then maybe I wouldn't mind the rain.”

Trowas POV

All those years sleeping beside you, feeling your body pressed up against mine, listening to you breathe seem so far away. It’s been 5 days, 6 hours and 23 minutes since you walked out the door, taking the last piece of my heart with you. And all I can do is sit here, pretending it’s all just some bad dream and that I'll wake up to your arms around me. Feeling safe again.

I always wondered why you stayed by my side for all that time, I could offer you nothing but myself. I asked occasionally and you always simply replied "Because I love you." and kissed me, comforting me with your words and your sweet mouth. Exactly 2 years after we played that beautiful duet, you proposed. On top of one of Earths tallest buildings under the stars, you asked me to share your life with me. To be with you forever, stay by your side through everything. I promised that I would be with you forever too, Quatre... I thought promises meant something. They did once...

You wanted to have the wedding in a few years time rather than right away. You had everything planned. We’d be having a black and white theme, with red roses for the flowers. There were so many details to plan you even hired one of your sisters to handle the finer details, and ensure the date was exactly the one you wanted. You asked me so many times if there was anything I wanted or any details that I’d prefer, but all I wanted was to be by your side, and stand with the man I loved. I guess you had other ideas... The wedding was supposed to be next week. You were going to wear all white, and I all black, with matching silk red ties but I guess that won’t be happening now.

During the war I had a little problem... Cutting I called it. At times it was the only thing I could do to get through. You hated it, begging me to stop, even threatening to leave if I did it again. You didn’t mean that, but I still took it seriously. I did all I could and managed to repress it for you, to stay by your side. I look down at my arms, covered with bandages. After you left, I didn't last an hour before taking a blade to them, making short, deep gashes all the way down. I haven't bothered to clean them, just cover them. I don't care about infection. I just needed to feel something, something other than emptiness. I must have attacked them 20 times since then, and I already burn to feel my blades again.

I've not eaten since you left, but I've drunk plenty. Vodka, beer,  that fancy wine that was used for cooking, anything and everything I could get. My head is pounding and my stomach heaving as I take another gulp. Anything to dull the excruciating emptiness you left behind and drown out those final parting words... "I don't love you anymore. I'm not sure I ever did." The tears have stopped now, there’s none left to shed. I twist the simple gold band on my finger, toying with the idea of removing it, of throwing it into the sewers, or giving it away. I won’t though. I'll hold on to it until the end of time, as a reminder of the happiness I once had and the love I once felt.

Gazing round I see the mess I’ve made. Empty bottles lying across the floor, blood droplets and blades scattered about, a couple of vomit stains by the side of the bed. Guess I'm just a fucked up mess. No wonder you left.

When you walked out, all you took was a suitcase of clothes and your dog. A tiny fluffy bichon frise. I swear you love that dog more than me. I bought him for you as an anniversary present. We'd been together for 4 years and you'd always loved animals, so he seemed like the perfect gift – and from the way you reacted I knew I’d made the right choice. He was small enough that you could take him anywhere and he did go everywhere with you. Even in the papers you were always seen with your little dog even more often then I was pictured by your side. In the end you even chose him over me... I wish I was that dog...

I can’t do this anymore. I can’t live without you. You're my everything. I wish I had never known happiness, known what it was like to be loved and needed. Then maybe this wouldn't hurt so damn much... I give the ring one final kiss. It won’t hurt much longer though... Forever ended when you left me, when you said goodbye... I don't have to hold on any more... My golden haired angel, I love you...

This is my final goodbye...

“Ooh baby... Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh baby...
I wish I never saw the sunshine, I wish I never saw the sunshine
and if I never saw the sunshine baby then maybe I wouldn't mind the rain.”

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