Adult-FanFiction.org : Gundam, Beyblade, DBZ, FMA

Reviews for Cross-Eyed

By : CardDragonBall

From ANON - jaygoose on March 15, 2004
Yes, Trunks got did! Thand, hd, he is one of my favorites but sometimes he can be such a downer.

I can't believe folks aren't reviewing, but hey it happens to everyone. Even me.

I particularly enjoyed the part when Vegeta told Bulma that the boys were upstairs fucking. I don't think my mom would have been so surprised though. I come from a home of extreme easy goers. I guess that's why I'm so mellow. Anyway, great chapter.
Report Review
From ANON - jaygoose on March 14, 2004
That little gismo that Goten has is cool. I am getting more and more interested with those twins. Your story has some much going on. I love it. I like that I have to stay on my toes. I like being confused.
Report Review
From ANON - Getarian on March 14, 2004
Whoo, Intense dream! Definitely want to know what that was all about! Now that the shared dream has restored their memory of this time, I can definitely understand Vegeta's need to go back and ask his parents about what happened in the ice cave...

The twins reactions upon waking was very well payedayed, right down to Vegeta feeling the need to brush off that, long ago, ice from his person.

Loved the whole rescuing the child scene and Trunks' demand on why they left this time. The subtle sense of role reversal...'a Vegeta' leaving a fight to protect a child and Trunks demanding to go back and finish it...not even really acknowledging the child :-)

Vegeta and Goten seem to have the best of both their parents...love these two :-)

Loved how Vegeta 'introduced' himself to 18 :-)

"�Why aren�t you blond?� 17 asked Goten."
"�Looks so good on him,� Goten said, pointing at Trunks."

LOL! I love nonchalant Goten :-)

Loved the whole, Goten facing off with android 17, scene...he was so Vegeta at this point :-)

I just don't get why he didn't finish him off though...but I absolutely loved the end dialogue. LOL!

Thanks for explainine bie biting scene...not as intriguing as I thought. LOL!

"I think the first book Stephen king got published was Carrie."
Ah! Thanks. Actually haven't read that one. :-)
Report Review
From ANON - Mechanical Butterfly on March 14, 2004
x_x I don't feel so good...I think my brother is giving me the flu...
anyway this was a great chap and very funny too!
Goten hopping like a rabbit and then his shirt...very cute and 17 ahhh I love him great fight scenes..
oh yeah and very interesting dream, I would love to know more about that. Like why Vegeta thought they died and wre broght back to like and stuff...interesting indeed.
^.*
-MB-
Report Review
From ANON - jaygoose on March 13, 2004
You are just making this story more and more interesting. Now I want to know what happened to the twins, though, It might be better if I didn't. And what Goten did to 17 was cool. Although I am not entirely sure what it was. I guess I'll just have to read over it again. I can't wait for the next part.

Am glad that the wound thing is finally clear. Thanks for answering my ques. ja.
Report Review
From ANON - Mechanical Butterfly on March 13, 2004
I feel sorry for Vegeta...well sorta,
him having to deal with Trunks and Goten sex(er...non-sex, but very heavy petting) life and stuff like that, that's so not fair for him!
Not fair!!!! Trunks is taking away Vegeta's brother!!!!! *shakes fist at Trunks* NO!
I am a twin so I can relate to that!!!!
I love the bond between them, the fact they can touch their bite marks and the other one knows he is touching own own at the same time. So cute!
^.*
-MB-

Report Review
From ANON - Getarian on March 13, 2004
Well, things are definitely starting to heat up between Trunks and Goten, and to think, this time, Trunks initiated it all :-)

Goten was amazingly gentle and considerate, his usual gruff, 'grab 'em and fuck 'em' attitude was surprisingly absent...I say surprisingly, simply because, Trunks was all but begging for Goten's attentions, yet Goten recognised the need to take this one step at a time, even though it was not really to his liking:

"Kami, he hated this slow ass bullshit."

LOL! Goten can really be a sweetheart when he wants to be. I can definitely smell love in the air :-)

Trunks' naivet� in matters of the flesh...

"Trunks... frowned at the mess on his hand."
"�What do you do with this?� Trunks asked."

...is wonderfully contrasted with Gotens more experienced personality:

"Oh, the possibilities. Too innocent for his own good. Goten sighed. �Wash it off, I guess.""

Young Vegeta's thoughts definitely show shades of his 'mother.' Whilst Goten has the more outgoing personality os fas father, Vegeta's personality definitely leans towards the introverted...although, naturally, they are not typically, their parents.

My heart goes out to him; being around all that sexual activity and not getting any himself...enough to make anygrumgrumpy :-)

Vegeta's thoughts reflecting on his and Gotens bite marks was interesting. As soon as he bit down on his brother, both of his parents arrived and hauled them away by their tails...I loved the mental picture I conjured up with this scene :-) However; this scene begs the questions: How did their parents know that the biting was taking place? (and) Why were they hauled away and locked in their rooms with, what sounds like, no explanation for their parents actions?

I must confess to feeling a bit intrigued by it all :-)

There is now open tension between young Vegeta and Trunks. Got a bit more insight into the twin bond. Things look like they're definitely getting interesting in this area.

Ah, my heart goes out to Trunks...he has no idea how to deal wha what is happening to him and his confusion and fears are understandable...and Gods, he reminded me of his old man in those last two paragraphs.

"Trunks: Why do I have to be the angsty sad one?" LOL! Loved this.

Thanks for the info on the twin bond...I am looking forward to Gotens explanation :-)

"But what I was going to say was that I like Mirai Trunks."

Loved future Trunks! When he first appeared, he actually (shock, horror) shook the pedestal upon which I had so lovingly placed his father, but the Saiyan Prince prevailed ;-)

I hated the way they watered down F. Trunks' character later on :-( Love chibi Trunks :-)

About your original stories...don't give up on them. I once read something (a long time ago, so my memory is somewhat hazy, but enough to remember the gist of it) from Stephen King, where he stated that he went through a bunch of rejections and then he finally sent in one that was accepted (can't remember which one) and then when he got popular, all of a sudden, publishers were snatching up his previously rejected works. One such story was called (I'm pretty sure it was this one, but not 100% certain) "The Float" aka "The Raft" (it was in a collection of short stories) and I thought it was great! I love most of Stephen Kings stuff...with the exception of the really nasty stuff, like "Misery"

Report Review
From ANON - jaygoose on March 12, 2004
Thanks for answering my question. I was thinking maybe that he'd smelt some sort of infection setting in. You know me and my over active imagination.

Anyway, I love the suspense you're building with Trunks and Goten. Are they gonna go all the way...and when? Cool.

The twins' bond is interesting too. Very interesting. It makes me wish I had a twin. *Signywanyway, I guess I'll have to deal with my little sister instead. She's close enough.
Report Review
From ANON - Mechanical Butterfly on March 11, 2004
Great chappie chap!
but Vegeta had pride to consider and he wasn�t going to drag himself across an endless desert just because Trunks would feel better for it. - Thats so cute, I just love him!!!! I want to marry him!!!! well not really, I'm already taken and he doesn't seem like he is ready for committment

Goten gave her a look. �Of course we do, Bulma. I want mine to say: Son Goten, dead.� rofl was was just great...

And as everyone knew, a bored Vegeta was a dangerous Vegeta. GAH!!!! again, I love him, his character is just so yum!!! and danergous, I like that!

bathed in fire as it was pushed back together- love the vision that line creates

His high and mighty Prince of Boredom, Vegeta, -loving it!

You know me. An upholder of all that is good and chaste.� Goten *shakes head* he's great! The relationship you create between these two brothers is just wonderful and very realistic. I love the playful fights, that whole pizza scene was great!

�I was sick of them always bragging about it!� He faked an Italian accent: �Look at my leaning tower! Isnt fat fabulous? No. It�s not. And now that it�s not leaning anymore, they can shut up about it.� rofl, I can sooooo picture him saying that!

Goten: Right. Like fire in the desert, you�re always a joy. -very nice even if it is from the little end notes!

And you're writing an orginal book! That's great! I wish you much luot tot that you need it, you are an awesome writer)
I hope you get your word limit where you need it to be!
^.*
-MB-

Report Review
From ANON - jaygoose on March 11, 2004
You know I was feeling quite awful this morning aow tow that I have read this chapter I am feeling a lot better. You should bottle this stuff.

Anyway, great chapter. And what was it that Lil'Geta led led that made him get with the wound cleaning and stuff? Was it just blood or something else?
Report Review
From ANON - Getarian on March 11, 2004
This chapter was more serious in tone, not that I mind, I'm okay with a little angst, so long as there are moments of mirth, and I was not disappointed :-)

"...Well, Trunks was dragging, Goten dragged because he thought it would make the other boy feel better,"

Damn, that boy is a treat. LOL!

Got a little more insight into why Vegeta is so surly. I do believe the boy is more than a little homesick. His depression as he looked around him and noticed the absence of all the things that are familiar to him, was touchingly sad.

"You couldn�t feel pain when you were dead. You didn�t have to worry about horrible thihapphappening to the people you loved when you were dead."

I'm wondering why Vegeta thinks this way, his life seems to have been pretty decent until he and his twin decided to take a 'three hour cruise' through time and space...Have the worlds they visited shown them horrors not yet mentioned? or is it something else? or is he just the naturally depressed type? Just some thoughts passing through my head. Not necessarily expecting answers :-)

Is the twin bond as strong as the mating bond?

Both of the twins are now showing more aspects of their personality, and it is good to see that Goten has a caring, serious side to his personality :-) I loved the wound cleaning and stitching scene.

Poor Trunks, he sounds as if he's desperate to enjoy life, but has forgotten how...understandable when you consider the world he lives in, I can understand his frustration with the twins, he understands them to have all this power but so far...no show of it.

Still I couldn't help but laugh at his sarcastic thoughts on the matter:

"...Just blocked attacks, made snide comments and the themselves get beaten up. Worthless. Trunks could do that himself." LOL!

*chuckle* Love that they IT'd it to Italy, just to get Pizza :-)

"�You weren�t supposed to UNLEAN the LEANING TOWER OF PIZA!�

LOL! Okay, now I bet there's alot of things these boys have done that their 'mom' knows about, but which never gets back to their dad :-)

I'm okay with the story getting darker, I'm not a big fan of 24/7 angst and extreme darkness, but a little angst and a little darkness is fine...although I am a proponent of the happy ending, but I guess this is where I have to exercise that little thing called patience and wait and see, huh? :-)

"More fight soon, I swear it on Trunks� virginity."

Errr, With Goten in the near vicinity, is that such a good thing to swear on? LOL!

BTW: I'm deeply impressed that you have written an original story. I wish you the best of luck with your publisher and hope that all goes well in your writing career - you certainly have a talent for it :-)

Report Review
From ANON - Getarian on March 11, 2004
LOL! Straight into it :-)

�He offered very little objection.ortuortunately, he also fell asleep.�
�Well, don�t be such a boring fuck.�

Just as well I wasn't having a drink at this point or it would have sprayed verywhere :-)

Loved Vegeta's sarcastic thoughts about sitting around a campfire, singing and 'sharing' he's definitely his mother's son :-)

"He picked up the shampoo, was tempted to turn his back to the boy, but remembered that Goten would probably like that much more and resolutely stayed with his back to the shower head."

LOL! Poor Trunks, he is so fighting a losing battle :-)

"He felt like such a girl." ROTFL!

Absolutely love the little paragraph that started with �There is no ready.� Trunks may not have the power of his alternate reality half brothers, but his resolve is strong. Quite an evocative little passage.

Am very much enjoying the fight scene...and wouldn't 'mom' be so proud of his boys laid-back, kick-arse attitude :-)

This is a very enjoyable light-hearted fic, with just a touch of angst. I am enjoying this much better than I would have expected without you know who in it, ;-)

Looking forward to the continuation of the fight. :-)

Report Review
From ANON - jaygoose on March 10, 2004
Yeah...I love a good fight.

You have a word limit? I have a page limit...ten. It's just easier that way isn't it. Otherwise you'd just keep going and going. Annoying yourself and those around you. *Sigh*

Anyway, I do hope that Goten gets Trunks to loosen up just a little. I like Trunks but Mirai is just damned depressing and I don't think that having your whole world destroyed is a good enough excuse. :)
Report Review
From ANON - Mechanical Butterfly on March 10, 2004
X_X I meant Goten kick 17's ass!!!! not the other way around! I want Goten to win!!!!!
Report Review
From ANON - Mechanical Butterfly on March 10, 2004
YEAH!!!! FIGHT!!!!! I love fight scenes but not as much as I love lemons, but it's pretty close.
This is exciting to read, and Trunks is very hard to get.u weu were right getting his pants off would be easy, it's getting to the rest of it that seems practically impossible.

You know Goten and Vegeta kind of remind of Trunks and Goten as Gotenks very cocky, and the way the fight I just love that not revealing their true power and absorbing the ki blasts that was just great! This chap made me laugh a lot.

And I really like Goten and much as he wants to fuck Trunks..he sure does pleasure him a lot, and he definately has some patience...

Oh and I could quote many lines from this fic that had me rofl, but I think there would be too many but when Goten thought: nobody said �Eat this� but his mother and his brother, and anyone else who thought they were high and mighty enough to rip off the Prince... that was awesome!

And Goten is going to fight 17 woo hoo!!!! Kick his ass 17!!!! I can't wait to read the next chap!
^.*
-MB-

Report Review