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Reviews for Centrepiece

By : Clarrisani

From ANON - Lullaby Lily on March 03, 2005
(reviewing chapter 17)
*sob* *sob*
Poor Ray!
I liked this scene (despite of the lemon). The pain that Ray feels while having sex with Kai or Tala is just so explicite here. I liked how Ray was digging his nails in Kai's back... Now that's intriguing! It really shows how much he's suffering, how much he hates being in the position he's in, despite his body acting in its own cruel way. I liked how Ray was thinking his body must have a mind of its own; now that's a deep philosophical problem ^^; the body-mind problem is one of the biggest problems of metaphysics. But one thing is relatively sure; your body *does* do stuff without your consent; they are called non-intentional actions. ^^
You really have to feel sorry for Ray after this chapter! And Kai... I'm not sure... He's a bastard, that's for sure; but then again, he's definitely more human than Tala...
Anyway, see you next review :-)
~Lily~
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From ANON - Lady Snowblossom on March 03, 2005
You only think!!!! Damn and here I thought Tala was the viscious one! What had Kai done to Bryan! Ohh, Rei is gonna get pissed and I can see him leading an attack force of the other bladers against Kai and Tala, both of whom are finally gonna get whats come to them!

And btw, I'm fixing 'I'm a father', correcting some mistakes and rewriting some paragraphs I wasn't happy with.
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From ANON - kari_remon on February 27, 2005
Oh my, what is to become of poor Bryan? Rei to the rescue?! I hope so, what's best to confess one's love then the danger of death (am I going to far?)
Well, just have fun making a nice rescue scene
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From ANON - Neki on February 25, 2005
'Bout time you updated! I was starting to wonder if you'd forgotten about this fic. So, Bryan's going to end up in the hospital now?
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From on February 25, 2005
(reviewing chapter 13)
That last sentence 'I don't know how much longer I can last' was just soo sad! Poor Ray!! He's suffering...
The last scene was very beautiful. Ray, in Bryan's arms... So sweet!
~Lily~
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From ANON - Elli on February 24, 2005
Yes, Bryan might just be in a tight situation... Rei's kitty sense says so.

Lovely chapter from the great one once again~ I can't wait 'til your next chapter!
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From ANON - clock owl on February 24, 2005
O.O

It's good & edgy.

Update.

^^
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From ANON - Dr.Von Doom on February 24, 2005
what horrors do they have to face now?must know!!!
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From ANON - Harhar on February 24, 2005
OMFG! NOOO! BRYAN! YOU HAVE TO CONTINUE! CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CCONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE ONTINUE CONTINUE
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From ANON - Lullaby Lily on February 24, 2005
(reviewing chapter 33)
Aaaarrrghh!! Okay, I'll review former chapters later on, I just HAD to review this one first!!!
From chapter 32 you could feel Bryan and Ray were in TROUBLE because of Tala watching them... But... ooooooh... POOR BRYAN!!!! Aargh! I just got to know what exactly Tala's doing to him! If Tala has his way... why do I have the feeling that would be the END of Bryan... Ooooh... you're NOT going to wait too long to update this, are you? 'Cause I neeeeeed to know soon! Or I won't sleep....
I love the 'connection' thing between Ray and Bryan... soo cute...
Ray's going to do something, right?
Oh! I sooo LOVE this story! It's soo intriguing!!!!!!!!!
Anyway, see you soon!!!
~Lily~
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From ANON - Cat in the web on February 24, 2005
Bryan is in trouble?! That is an understatment!!! I hope Ray or Spencer gets there in time. I have a feeling Kai (crimson eyes) will beat Bryan with the crowbar. But Bryan is a "soldier" von Balkov Abbey, he should be capable of defending himself. At least I hope so.
The pairing Spencer + Lee is a very good idea, I think they are cute together.
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From ANON - blackrose on February 24, 2005
This is getting real good. Looking forward to reading more. Poor Bry. Hope he's alright in the next chapter.
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From ANON - Lullaby Lily on February 23, 2005
I may not be totally fond of lemon, I LOVE it when they kiss... Sooo cute!!
Loved that last bit ^^
~Lily~
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From ANON - Lullaby Lily on February 23, 2005
(reviewing chapter 8)
I kind of 'expected' Ray was a virgin before Kai and Tala. He *does* seem so innocent, despite his sex,sex,sex relationship with Kai and Tala.
Cute thing between Bryan and Ray; they do seem very comfortable around each other ^^.
~Lily~
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From ANON - Lullaby Lily on February 22, 2005
(reviewing chapter 6)
This is one weird chapter...
Confession: I'm not *very* fond of lemon (or lime for that matter). Perhaps that makes you wonder *why the hell are you on adultfanfiction*. But as I said before, it's much more a coincidence I ended up here... so... And it's not like fanfiction.net is very 'lemon-free'. So, yes, I'm used to it, I even started to like it from time to time, but my preference; no too descriptive sex.
That doesn't mean I didn't like this chapter, though. It's not like I have a *thing* against it. Anyway, it's one weird hate-love thing.
About this chapter. I said it was a little weird. It pretty much stands out; Ray, taking things in his own hands, *wanting* to have sex, being the dominitive one... Kind of a different 'Ray'.
It's weird because we know so little about Ray's thoughts when he went to Bryan's bedroom. So, I had to use all my personal daydreaming and imagination, to make something out of it. And this is what I came up with:
If I interprete this chapter, and compare it with the rest of the story, if find one very important 'motive/theme/call it whatever you want: loneliness. It seems Ray has this unconscious idea that there's only two options: sex or loneliness. And there's nothing in between. Due to Tala's manipulating and stuff, he's convinced that without Kai and Tala, he's doomed to loneliness.
So; in chapter five, Ray started feeling lonely... And he believes, that to comfort his loneliness, there's only one solution... He believes that if he wants to spend the night near Bryan, he sort of has to 'earn' that spot next to the older blader; and the only way to do that, is by having sex.
Loneliness. That's what scares Ray so much, isn't it?
I LOVE how your story focuses on the 'love-lust' problem; like in that Jamie Cullum song Twentysomething 'I can't even seperate love from lust.' That's exactly what's happening here. The entire story puts 'love' in question. In Ray's threesome, there's only lust. Lust and loneliness. Love is totally unheard of. But what *is* love???
Confession no. 2: I don't believe in love... Coming from someone who's one hobby in life is writing and reading romance fan fiction, that might just sound a little awkward... But then again, I'm not *that* sure I *don't* believe in love... It' s just... I doubt that there's something as 'pure love'. There's either 'lust' or 'friendship'... But that's about it... But maybe... your story can convince me to believe otherwise... (*putting some extra pressure and motivation on you ^^) In your story, Ray's emotions are different while having sex with Bryan than with Tala/Kai... It's... intriguing... Very interesting... ^^
Anyway, as interesting Ray is in this story, I'm to tired to psychoanalyse him any further... Maybe I'll do some more tomorrow :D!
~Lily~
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