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Reviews for Deep Circle

By : chayron
  • From ANON - chibi_vegeta on July 28, 2005

    well I put off reading this for a while becauase I (stupidly enough) assumed you'd have a bunch of saiya-jins on earth all waddling around with fat bellies...*snerks*...I'm glad I was wrong...

    I spent last night and this morning reading it on and off and I have to say that, while you have a lot of typos and some really bad sentence structure, considering english is not your first language you have done a great job. I won't be so kind to your beta readers who let a lot of that slip through, unless of course neither of them speak english as a first language either.

    the plot moves along nicely, I've very much enjoyed the interactions of your original characters and your efforts to keep everyone in-character...even with the language difficulties I found the plot to be easily understood and I like where it's going, though I suspect "Goku's" memory loss is a hell of a lot more than just not knowing how he got there...I sniff a bigggg plot-bang somewhere near the end...or maybe I'm totally wrong and it is a completely different reality...looking forward to finding out...

    and I'm also looking forward to a LOT of saiya-jin porn dammit...so hopefully you'll update soon...

    Vegeta


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  • From ANON - E.T. on July 28, 2005
    HAHA Vegeta's finally getting the message! XD This is so much fun to read, I wish you could update more often. Keep going pleeeeeeease... *Puppy eyes*
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  • From ANON - kit-kit on July 26, 2005
    wow its alredy starting to work.
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  • From ANON - Macha on July 26, 2005
    Mwuahahahahhaha, Kamala has an evil plan. *smirks* And he is pulling it off also. I am glad he had a chance to instill some thinking processes into Goku's head. If you fight with your wife all the time, are you happy?

    Kamala certainly didn't waste anytime getting his plan in motion with Vegeta, now did he? hehe

    I had a good chuckle at the end of the chapter when Vegeta said, "I said the bread is good," and stuffed another piece in his mouth the keep himself quiet.

    LOL... Oh, that was good.
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  • From ANON - Leaf on July 25, 2005
    MUCH BETTER! Keep up that level of work, that was the BEST chapter I think you've had! I didn't want it to end! Oh...and I wasn't complaining, if I came off as complaining earlier, I'm sorry. Just trying to help! Cause you've got skill, mad skill! Update soon!
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  • From ANON - Webtester01 on July 25, 2005
    Kamala sure is a good manipulator.....too good. *wonders why he's so eager to go to Earth*
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  • From ANON - anz on July 23, 2005
    Well, well...the plot thickens....!

    Poor Goku~all alone and in pain. And to make it worse, he insulted the only friend he could have at the moment...poor Vedeno...poor Lami!

    Mission impossible...wife who? what wife?

    That Kamala is some operator...he used Goku's body and instincts against him...

    Mission accomplished....Goku wants Vegeta!

    Now if he can just do something about that damned heat!

    ~~he can't get no-o satisfaction, he can't get no-o steady action...and he tries, and he tries, and he tries, and he tries! he caint get no, no, no, no! ~~

    Heat and hormones!?

    Luv it! Great story!!

    Thank you Chayron, for yet another wonderful story...love your fics!
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  • From ANON - E.T. on July 20, 2005
    This entire story is awesome! I like how the nature of Saiyan life is being described in detail - it really adds to the story and I like that. It makes it so much more realistic! Keep it up! PLEASE!!! XD
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  • From ANON - kit-kit on July 18, 2005
    nice chapter its about time goku choose.
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  • From ANON - Macha on July 16, 2005
    Okay, I read this last chapter a second time (see, I really did like it!) And now I have to say.... UPDATE SOON PLEASE.

    *is having very vibriant images of and uke Goku*

    Of course, Kamala said he thinks Goku needs to talk. *sighs* I guess Goku does need to ask some self-searching questions. At least now he'll have a sounding board.
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  • From ANON - Webtester01 on July 16, 2005
    The truth comes out!

    I wouldn't be surprised if the Vegeta from Goku's dimension would be jeloous of the Vegeta in Kamala's dimension if he found out about certain things.

    But then which Vegeta does Goku really want? Only time will tell. I look forward to the next chapter.
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  • From ANON - leaf on July 16, 2005
    I love the story, but there is a nagging problem you have with writing. You repeat information OVER and OVER and OVER again, you drive the facts into the ground until they are old and worn. In other words, we KNOW how kamala acts, we KNOW how Vegeta acts...We KNOW how Vegeta feels for Goku, you don't need to keep telling us, it slows the progress of the story, bores the crap out of the readers, and makes the story amorphous. Try instead, showing character through action, and keep things fresh by NEVER repeating things that happened in the past chapters, unless it is brought up in conversation. You can also show a lot about a person’s intentions by body language and speech. For example—You could have shown Vegeta’s interest in Goku by having the prince try to spend more time with the other before the man’s heat struck. Then you could show Vegeta’s growing interest by having the Prince avoid Goku surreptitiously after the heat sets in. Then whenever Vegeta HAPPENS to meet Goku, say in the halls or what not, you can underline the fact that Vegeta likes Goku by having Vegeta become a space case when he smells Goku’s scent. This is just a suggestion, if you had written the story like this, you would have cut your latest chapter in HALF…and your plot could have a lot closer towards the final solution. (Really, the incident with kamala in the hall, THAT was the only real plot the chapter had! That, and the accident with that snake like creature. Everything else was unnecessary!) Do you understand? I hope you do, you’ve great potential. Can’t wait to read your next chapter!
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  • From ANON - Macha on July 16, 2005
    Oh no. I didn't mean to make my last review seem like critisim. I really liked this story. I just had a bunch of questions. *blushes*

    I do understand what you mean about one bad thought, going to the next, until they all just pile up. hehe, you don't have to find a way for a hole in a sock to somehow remind Goku of his children... that is of course, unless you just want the challange. ;)

    This, out of all the chapters, is my favorite. I like reading Goku's thinking process. I also liked how Kamala finally made Goku acknowledge he really wanted Vegeta. Kamala's insight into how Goku's heat was differing from a normal one to the fact Goku was looking for a mate instead, was very helpful.

    Regardless of the incedent, I thought for a moment those two were just going to have at it in the hallway. *drools*
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  • From ANON - Nekoni on July 11, 2005
    Achillona demanded I leave you a review....

    You are my favourite author! EVER!

    I love you-

    will you marry me?

    XD okay okay! I LOVE this fic! It's so... HORNY! *snicker* You have this habbit of keeping them so in character, even in an AU..... it's really amazing. Goku holds no-secrets from himself..... hahaha, he wants it every way. *is innocent* I love how you keep a balance between people being seme and uke; it doesn't leave me feeling alienated at the end (which is great!)

    Your Goku masturbation scenes are some of the best on the net *salutes*

    Your Original Characters are so EASY to love! *salutes again*

    You are my FAVOURITE yaoi author- currently. Better update again to maintain such a prestigious title! *smirk*
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  • From ANON - kit-kit on July 11, 2005
    damn that chapter was kind of sad i hope vegeta comes to his sense and see that he likes goku.
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