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Reviews for Deep Circle

By : chayron

From ANON - Webtester01 on June 09, 2005
I liked how you described Kamala's background. It helps us understand his character better.

Goku appearing in the meeting hall was great. I could picture everyone's faces.

Until next time...
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From ANON - Macha on June 03, 2005
Ah, I see you have many questions of your own. To start with, I am 32. Probably one of the oldest visiting this site for DBZ fanfiction. *shrugs and grins* I found what I like, I think I'll stick with it.

This chapter was very informative for both myself and Goku. Usually mpreg just happens and there is little explination other than, "Sayians can." I like the details you went through in Radditz's discusion with Goku. At least I know what your thoughts are as an author.

Radditz's explination about the tail thing had me thinking, "OMG!" Yeah, if I was Vegeta, and Goku had said that (especially if I had found Goku somewhat attractive) I would have been pissed off also.

I love this story, so much that even my pet peve of tenses is not interfering with me reading it. There are slight grammical errors and a missing pronoun here and there, but really, the content is just too good to let that get in my way of reading something so creative and thought out.

Keep up the good work, I am sooooo waiting for your next update on this story.

*sighs* P.S. If you didn't know, I also have a couple of stories at this site. Mostly V/G. If you have the time, take a look.
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From ANON - Lisn on June 03, 2005
OMG!! I LUV YOUR STORY!! I JUST READ IT AND IT'S AMAZING!!!
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From ANON - kit-kit on June 03, 2005
god the chapter was great and if king vegeta has a harem is he going to try to get goku into it that way he could have a legend in a harem and be even more powerful.
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From ANON - Webtester01 on June 03, 2005
Goku learns something new... and learns that he seriouly insulted Vegeta.

I wonder if this will be rectified. Keep it up.
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From ANON - Tatoosh on June 03, 2005
First i am over 30 and i do like the stories you are writing. I find that while age can factor into the 'maturity' of a story it is not an indication of the creativity or talent in coming up with a story.

I enjoy this story it is an interesting look into the Saiyan race. I hope that goku manages to help them servive the Ice-jin as I find the Ice-jin evil selfish bastards and hate for them to win ever. Goku's self discovery and the blossoming relationship between him and this Vegeta is a lot of fun with a healthy dose of frustration. I look forward to seeing how this turns out.
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From ANON - Macha on May 26, 2005
You do know that you have one of the very few enjoyable to read stories on this site, don't you? Dispite your thinking you are unclear, it is very well written. Just sometimes I will have some questions, and thank you for taking the time to answer them.

I really do love all the interaction in this story. You do a great job with dialog and personal thoughts. Your discription of the swimming pool was.. well, discriptive. I like the occational discription like that, it lets me know you are seeing the story. Of course, if you discribed EVERYthing like that, then this story would probably be twice as long, and very boring. I guess what I am trying to say is that you have mixed action and discription very well in this story. Enough of both to keep me entertained, and not bored.

I hope you update soon!!!
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From ANON - Webtester01 on May 26, 2005
Oooh, more tension. I wonder how they will react to the rumors.
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From ANON - kit-kit on May 26, 2005
great chapter everything was deep i can't believe vegeta would get so mad about his tail.
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From ANON - Macha on May 17, 2005
YAY... an update!!! Whoot. Well, I am glad Goku didn't create too much trouble while he was out and drunk.

O.o What is this that Goku is noticing about the King??

Uh-oh... I can see Goku getting too friendly with Kamala. (eep)
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From ANON - kit-kit on May 17, 2005
great chapter though i wonder whats wrong with goku.
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From ANON - Webtester01 on May 17, 2005
Wonderful cliffie.

Goku's self-discovery is fascinating to watch unfold.

Keep it up.
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From ANON - AFicR on May 14, 2005
Erm... I have really nothing to remark about the fic at this point, except to say that it�s a GREAT fic. Sooooo I was ecstatic by knowing it was not a WIP but an already finished work with a set number of chapters.

...

5 were posted by now...

...

But... where are the others?... *whines, miserably*

What happens next?... *sighs, shoulders slump dismally*

... please update!

*glances hopefully at the site update page*

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From ANON - saiyanb on April 28, 2005
Hello B here. Sorry to see you're having some problems with certain reviews. It's easy to see that that was all just a missunderstanding (sp?), don't know why people always have to blow things out of proportions. You want some advice, just ignor them. If people don't get a rise out of you then they get borded after a point and leave. After my own first flamer, I found them nothing but amusing to read. Hell I even challenged them to explain their reasoning, that really gets them because I like critizsm, good and bad. Bad is even better then good if they can explain why it's bad not just "it sucks" @%^@#$%. So very unhelpfull to someone who truely wants to improve.
Anyway I'm sure you get the point, you're a good writer and it's obvious you're too mature and decent a person to argue with people on the net. I see you being very open and admitting mistakes on your part, far too nice a person, you'll just get hurt if you keep playing attention to these people and that's bad. Bad, because it ruins fics, I for one don't want to see this fic going uncomplete because of someone discouraging the author. It's happen plenty of times to other writers, good writers like yourself.
Anyway enought of this stuff. I'm going to give you a real review, no the whole "Love it, like it, update!" I hate it when people claim to give good reviews and only leave stuff like that. A good review isn't just a positive comment.
Okay, first off. The concept of this story is nothing new, but the way your writting it has a very exciting and new twist to it. I love the interaction of the characters, it has real development and meaning. All too often I've seen fics with no emotional development and total out of Characterness. I could very well see this story happening in the DBZ world (well all but the yaoi stuff, I don't think Akira ever wanted his characters to swing that way, but we fangirls got to have some fun). You've kept the characters real and interesting. We also get to see a side of Goku that was never really explored in DBZ. Vegeta's the most emotionally developed anime character 'ever' in 'any' anime, but Akira really didn't give us any insight to Goku's thoughts. In this fic outwardly Goku is still protrayed as a bumpkin, but with your indepth inner monologue we get more explainations and reasons. He's not just a bumbling idiot, he'd got depth and feeling belong sheepishness and carefree. Your Goku has so many worries, he feels so human to me; relatable.
Second, and this I must really congradulate you on, is likable orginal characters. All too often orginal characters are too overpowering or almightly. This story focuses on Goku and Vegeta the characters we all know and love not some invented creature stronger and smarter who's come to save the day (I hate those kinds of fics). No, your characters only enhance the flavor of this fics. Vedeno, Vegeta's brother, is a good example. He's not important to the plot yet, but he's an interesting character that supports Vegeta's persona. Same with Raveen (sp?) and Kamala they support Raditz and King Vegeta showing a softer side too characters that are usually so tough and restrained in their emotions. Also the idea of Vegeta as a big brother really floats my boat for some reason. I think him having too look out of a younger brother would make him calmer and more responsible. You get the feeling of duty with your Vegeta, duty to his family, his people, his world, deep stuff.
Another feature I like in his fic is how you tie it into the DBZ world. You make comparisons to Mirai Trunks and this fic's Goku. How they've got a similar situation. You wrote about the akwardness of meeting yourself or your relatives in an alternative dimension. What would you think of them and how would you think of them. Are they your father, brother? Things Vegeta and Trunks must have thought in the Cell saga. There were other points, that I noticed while reading, but are hard to remember without them in front of me. But, I thought them very clever while reading.
Your fight scenes are very entertaining. You could use some more vocabulary, like roundhouse kick, or horse stance. I noticed once or twice you had to write long descriptions to discribe the pose or action you wanted. Still the point is getting through and I can easily visualize what's going on.
Overall I'm very interested in this fic and am eagerly awaiting more. Take your time, I don't care if updates are slow so long as you eventually finish the story.
Keep up the good work and sorry for the lenght of this review, your probably sick of me by now. Still I wanted to give you the pros and cons, I think you're one who also wants to better themselves and their work.
ja ne
b-chan
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From ANON - GreenEyes276 on April 27, 2005
Im enjoying this story so far. Good job ^_^

Hmmm I just hope that nothing happens to Goku while hes stumbling around out there, drunk....alone *eerie music*
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