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February 24, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Okay, so I'm not quite sure what to make of this fic just yet, meaning; I like it but on the other hand, I kinda don't! So as you can see I'm rather torn in my opinion, but I'll review nonetheless, so here comes the said reveiw:
First and foremost I'm an avid Ed/Envy shipper, so I was more than a little pleased to find this fic of yours! But as read on, it came to me that I'd gotten more than a little too carried away, I suppose! Oh, well, shit happens! Coz as you guys wrote in the AN in the first chapter (about english not being your native tongue, which was a very good idea might I add), even though I got that, I still didn't quite believe that it was going to be that bad (guess I was wrong, huh), well I must say it has gotten much better in chapter 5 thanks to your beta reader!
Which's very good and it's a lot easier to read it now, which also makes it a hell of a more enjoyable! And I really think you guys shold get your beta to fix the chapters 1-4 as well, so you could re-post them, just a tip!
But what I really meant to say earlier; was that not only was the grammar bad but, the portrayal of Ed and Envy was also very OOC and not even a little, I say, which is quite bad in my book! However, as I do like this fic to some degree, I must say, that I found it really cute and sweet when Envy and Ed still couldn't seem to stay away from each other, so freakin' adorable! Ed/Envy, my OTP!
Another thing, which I also quite liked was the sex scenes, they were pretty great and very nicely described, (I guess, if one could just ignore the whole grammar problem), which I might add was rather difficult at some levels! Oh, well, one cannot have it all, I guess, hehe!
Seeing as I'm a hardcore Ed/Envy shipper, I wasn't too pleased to see that the fic was going to turn out as a threesome, coz I'm not so much into that sorta thing, if you know what I mean!
And even the fact that Ed/Roy was together as well, made me slightly put off, mostly seeing as they began dating when Ed was only just 12 years old, now that was more than a little bit sick, according to me at least. I mean; why couldn't they have waited until Ed was 15-16 or something, really it couldn't have been that hard! Oh, well, it's your story and not mine, I just needed to say that! And it's not like I hate or even dislike Roy, cause I don't, I really like him. It's just that, I can't really see Ed and him going all that well together, mostly seeing as Roy is more twice his age, or something like that, anyway! Coz I'd rather pair Ed off with Russell (that said ship's my second favorite to Ed/Envy), than pair him with Roy, sorry!
And I'm sorry, if I've offended you guys in any way, coz that wasn't my intention at all!
All in all, I must say that I think it's really brave of you guys to share this fic with us, despite the fact that english isn't your native language and that you struggle with the grammar, so kudos to you!
Okay, one more thing to do now; why on earth did you guys stop writing, when you only had like one more chapter to write/post, huh?! I just don't get it, so please continue and update ASAP!
Thank you.
First and foremost I'm an avid Ed/Envy shipper, so I was more than a little pleased to find this fic of yours! But as read on, it came to me that I'd gotten more than a little too carried away, I suppose! Oh, well, shit happens! Coz as you guys wrote in the AN in the first chapter (about english not being your native tongue, which was a very good idea might I add), even though I got that, I still didn't quite believe that it was going to be that bad (guess I was wrong, huh), well I must say it has gotten much better in chapter 5 thanks to your beta reader!
Which's very good and it's a lot easier to read it now, which also makes it a hell of a more enjoyable! And I really think you guys shold get your beta to fix the chapters 1-4 as well, so you could re-post them, just a tip!
But what I really meant to say earlier; was that not only was the grammar bad but, the portrayal of Ed and Envy was also very OOC and not even a little, I say, which is quite bad in my book! However, as I do like this fic to some degree, I must say, that I found it really cute and sweet when Envy and Ed still couldn't seem to stay away from each other, so freakin' adorable! Ed/Envy, my OTP!
Another thing, which I also quite liked was the sex scenes, they were pretty great and very nicely described, (I guess, if one could just ignore the whole grammar problem), which I might add was rather difficult at some levels! Oh, well, one cannot have it all, I guess, hehe!
Seeing as I'm a hardcore Ed/Envy shipper, I wasn't too pleased to see that the fic was going to turn out as a threesome, coz I'm not so much into that sorta thing, if you know what I mean!
And even the fact that Ed/Roy was together as well, made me slightly put off, mostly seeing as they began dating when Ed was only just 12 years old, now that was more than a little bit sick, according to me at least. I mean; why couldn't they have waited until Ed was 15-16 or something, really it couldn't have been that hard! Oh, well, it's your story and not mine, I just needed to say that! And it's not like I hate or even dislike Roy, cause I don't, I really like him. It's just that, I can't really see Ed and him going all that well together, mostly seeing as Roy is more twice his age, or something like that, anyway! Coz I'd rather pair Ed off with Russell (that said ship's my second favorite to Ed/Envy), than pair him with Roy, sorry!
And I'm sorry, if I've offended you guys in any way, coz that wasn't my intention at all!
All in all, I must say that I think it's really brave of you guys to share this fic with us, despite the fact that english isn't your native language and that you struggle with the grammar, so kudos to you!
Okay, one more thing to do now; why on earth did you guys stop writing, when you only had like one more chapter to write/post, huh?! I just don't get it, so please continue and update ASAP!
Thank you.
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October 8, 2005 at 12:00 AM
good very good write more plz
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October 6, 2005 at 12:00 AM
c\'mon please write it soon i wanna know whats next!!!
see ya
keep on writting :)
see ya
keep on writting :)
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June 10, 2005 at 12:00 AM
UPDATE!!! PLEASE WRITE MORE!! NEED MORE OF THE STORY!!!! PLEASE I\'M BEGGING HERE! MORE MORE MORE!!!!! I\'ll stop yelling now. It\'s a great stroy I love every bit of it, I love how you keep the suspense the kind that grips the reader and keeps them reading and begging for more (like me). Please write more. I wanna find out who Ed chooses. (hopefully envy)
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May 6, 2005 at 12:00 AM
The last chapter is good XD from grammar and all. Love it and update soon ^^ is there going to be a threesome? ;p
may
may
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April 26, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Waii~ so glad to see Envy\'s fanz!!! *HUGS!* ... lol~ it\'s so rare to see EnvyXEd pairing... *waves \'EnvyXEd love\' banner* ^^
Me is big support of Envy & Ed (haha.. but i dun like Roy) and it\'s really hard to find any fanfic or fanart on them.. >_<
So glad to read ur fanfic~ I luv it!!! ^^
looks forward to ur new update as well as other EnvyXEd fanfic.. hehe~ Ganbatte yo! ^____^V
PS: Ed should be with Envy!!.. Ed should be with Envy!!.. Ed should be with Envy!!.. *chanting~~*
haha~ =D
Me is big support of Envy & Ed (haha.. but i dun like Roy) and it\'s really hard to find any fanfic or fanart on them.. >_<
So glad to read ur fanfic~ I luv it!!! ^^
looks forward to ur new update as well as other EnvyXEd fanfic.. hehe~ Ganbatte yo! ^____^V
PS: Ed should be with Envy!!.. Ed should be with Envy!!.. Ed should be with Envy!!.. *chanting~~*
haha~ =D
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April 25, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I\'m afraid your story is rather expository..
And while I can understand the part about English not being your first language, you shouldn\'t use Japanese if it isn\'t either. Wait, you probably shouldn\'t use Japanese anyway. Makes the fic feel contrived.
Plus, if FMA takes place in pseudo Europe (you know what I mean), why would they be using an oriental language?
Go fig. Premise is a bit overused, but it can be entertaining.
In short, get someone who IS a native speaker of English to PROOF READ for you.
And while I can understand the part about English not being your first language, you shouldn\'t use Japanese if it isn\'t either. Wait, you probably shouldn\'t use Japanese anyway. Makes the fic feel contrived.
Plus, if FMA takes place in pseudo Europe (you know what I mean), why would they be using an oriental language?
Go fig. Premise is a bit overused, but it can be entertaining.
In short, get someone who IS a native speaker of English to PROOF READ for you.
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February 17, 2005 at 12:00 AM
ohh nice ficcy! i understand how it is when you write fanfiction in english and it\'s not your first language..:3 not bad grammar either...yes the song does match feelings of ed (that\'s what i though) and yes the sexy envy ;3!!! This is very nicely written!!!! And you both have such a good vocabulary for english being your second language!! ohh your first language...is it japanese?
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February 13, 2005 at 12:00 AM
oh please update soon
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February 9, 2005 at 12:00 AM
who the hell taught you grammer?! do you even speak english?! And that last chapter was just sooo corny. But it is interesting.