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Behind Blue Eyes	By : Naomi Category: Gundam Wing/AC > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1758 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing/AC, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
DISCLAIMER: I think it is too
obvious for me to bother and say it, but still: I don�t own them. I do own
Nora, though. She is MINE. *evil laugh*

WARNING: NC-17. Angst, sex,
drama, reference to past NCS. 1+OFC (non-romantic relationship), OMCx1 / OFCx1
(just a one night stand). Eventual 2x1 (that means that there�s no 2x1 going
around for at least a half of the fic!).

AUTHOR�S NOTE: Ahh... winter.
The rain, the cloudy skies, the puddles on the road and the mud you walk
through on the way to base... I love winter. The weather is so inspiring... the
gloomy atmosphere just begs for something to be written down on paper.
Sitting shivering in my military-issued raincoat, inside a freezing office
located in some God forsaken base, I suddenly had a flash of lightning in my
head that told me- WRITE! So I wrote. And this is what came out of it.

Enjoy.

Naomi

BEHIND
BLUE EYES

PART
ONE

*   *   *

The rain was pouring hard
over the gray streets of the city. The mirror-glass windows were slick with
water and covered with vapor from the inside. People ran up and down the
pavement, rubbing their glove-clad hands while their trench coats flapped
behind them. The consistent drizzle painted the streets with a darker shade,
gathering in mirror-like puddles. Heavy gray clouds trailed lazily up in the
heavens, crawling along the city skyline as they sprayed it with icy water.

The traffic, of course, was
unaffected by the chilly winter weather, and the humming of vehicles could be
heard clearly over the rain. The colorful traffic lights glittered over watery
car tops. They painted the puddles on the road with flashing colors of red,
yellow and green, disturbed only when a car raced through the puddle, splashing
about.

In this frigid winter
morning, people did not bother too much with being friendly. They rushed along
the city streets, hurrying to their office where it was safe and warm. They
didn�t spare each other one glance, their hands shoved deeply into their
pockets and their gazes locked on the ground, trying to avoid the nasty puddles
that tainted their path. Once in a while a person or two would stop, cursing as
a car splashed them with water or after having their expensive shoes sink into
a puddle.

Having all of their attention
absorbed into their own selves, none of the passer-bys noticed the solemn young
man walking among them. The man, barely out of his teens, was walking against
the flow of people, hardly even trying to avoid colliding with any of them. His
forlorn blue eyes were glued to the ground as he walked, his slim body
shivering under his worn out jacket. The cheap brown jacket was wet from the
rain, as was the boy�s chocolate brown hair, which was plastered to his face.
The pale features were blank and unrevealing what went behind the
expressionless visage. The young man�s eyes, though, told volumes of his past.
Tales of sss, ss, anguish, hurt and longing hid within the mysterious blue
oceans, as if held captive within an icy jewel-like prison.

The rain began to pour
harder, and people ran towards their work place, some taking shelter inside the
nearest skyscraper. The young man�s pace did not change, and still he kept
walking slowly towards his destination, uncaring that his clothes were wet and
his wild brown bangs were dripping water. After some time, when the chilly
breeze has already managed to make his lips nearly blue, the young man stopped
in front of a small, modest, diner. With a sigh that raised vapor from his
lips, he pushed the heavy glass doors and entered.

Once inside the simple diner,
he was grateful for the heat that surrounded him. He quickly shed his soaked
jacket as he made his way to the kitchen. His uniforms, a pair of simple black
trousers and a white, blue and pink collared-shirt, were also wet from the
rain. His boss, a scornful old man, flashed him a harsh look over his
newspaper. He watched as the teen arranged his things in the kitchen, nodded
his hello to the cook and then turned to greet him as well. No words broke
through the teen�s lips. It was the look in his eyes and the slight nodding of
his head that spoke for him. The old man shook his head in disappointment and
returned to his newspaper.

�You�re late, Yuy. Get to
work.� He muttered sternly even as his young worker was already making his way
out of the kitchen and out towards the service counter.

Not a word slipped passed the
teen�s lips as he arranged his post behind the cash register, his slender shoulders
still shivering from the cold, his teeth also chattering. He took his name-tag
from a small shelf under the counter and pinned it to his front pocket in
distaste. He eyed the letters spelling his name, a bit of sarcasm in his
otherwise cold blue eyes. Although the name-tag did say �Heero Yuy�, he
couldn�t honestly say that he had any other proof that it was indeed his name.
As ridicules as it was, this silly name-tag was the only proof he had for even
having a name. He carried no ID; he possessed no identity at all. As far as the
modern, bureaucratic world was concerned, he didn�t even exist.
The world was not kind to
ex-soldiers with no identity. The post-war world was not as grateful as to be
expected of it. He berated himself for expecting ANYTHING from a world that has
so far proven hostile towards him. There wasn�t a moment in his life in which
he recalled feeling at peace with the world. His life was a constant struggle,
even now, nine months and three weeks after the end of the war.

Despite the freezing weather
and rain, costumers did start to pour into the diner. He took their orders,
served their food, thanked them politely for a small tip and just let the day
pass by him in an agonizing pace. He hated his life, but he became numb towards
the feeling. He simply learned to accept it.

*   *   *

Engulfed by bitterness, Heero
finished his work for the day. He took his now dry jacket off the coat hanger
in the kitchen, muttered an almost inaudible goodbye to his grumpy employer and
left the diner. Outside, the wind was blowing hard, tousling his bangs wildly
and spraying him with a cold shower of rain clu clutched his jacket close to his
torso, as if the shabby piece of clothing will provide enough shelter from the
cold. Unlike that morning, his pace was fast as he hurried towards the nearest
bus station. He caught the bus just before its departure from the station,
panting as he ran into the vehicle. He thanked the driver for waiting a seconore,ore, paid him and took a seat in the back of the bus.

Sighing, he slumped into the
seat and wiped his damp bangs aside. He leaned heavily against the cool window,
his numb blue eyes watching the city lights pass by in a blur. The streets were
dark now, at this late evening hour. The wet asphalt roads and pavements
reflected the many neon signs decorating the streets. Numerous people walked
among the shops, despite the freezing weather. He thought about getting off by
the nearest supermarket, but he had worked two shifts straight today and he was
too exhausted to go and buy his weekly groceries. It can wait; he wasn�t hungry
anyway. He hardly ever was. He only ate because he knew he had too, and even those
cases were becoming rare. He wasn�t hungry, so why bother to spend money on
food? It was just a big waste of something he was already running low on.

After a twenty minute bus
ride, Heero was walking heavily towards his apartment building, his shoulders
slumped and his gaze cast down. Though the rain had stopped pouring, the chilly
wind was still howling, hitting his back harshly even as he entered the
building.

Entering his small, one room,
apartment, he dropped his keys on the small table by the door, and waddled
tiredly towards his miniature kitchen. His movements were like an automaton as
he placed a kettle on the stove and boiled some water. Opening the cupboard, he
took out a large black mug, with a small chip and a crack on the edge. He
sighed heavily as he worked through the motions, unthinking as his hands did
the work they knew so well. His eyes showed how much the routine was killing
him, but his hands still moved expertly, making a hot cup of tea.

Still in his wet uniforms,
Heero sat by the small kitchen table, with barely enough room for and and just
stared ahead numbly.

The apartment was awfully
quiet. The only light to illuminate the small flat was the dim light in the
kitchen. Since the place was so small, it was enough to dimly light the living
room as well. The sofa was open, taking the form of a small double bed. It took
most of the open space in the living room, its edge nearly kissing the small
counter on which an old 15� television set stood. A heavy quilt was tossed
carelessly on the floor, the sheets tangled and messy - a result of another
nightmare.

He didn�t bother to clean up
the room before he left this morning. During the war he kept his things tidy
like a good soldier should. Folding his blanket each morning, military style,
and stretching the sheets so well that one could flip a coin on them and the
coin will bounce back up. But now... now things were different. There was no
point. No point at all. To nothing, really. He had dishes from days ago still
lying in the sink, waiting to be washed. He was just too tired, too drained of
energy to do anything. Sometimes he was so tired that he couldn�t even sleep.

He was cold. Inside and
outside. He shivered in his wet clothing, the cool crisp air of the apartment
digging into his skin. The heating broke down three days ago and the landlord
was too much of a bastard to fix it. He would have done it himself, he surely
didn�t lack the skill for it, but the cold made him even number. He simply
didn�t care anymore.

He knew that he was depressed.
He could recognize the symptoms well enough, but the paradox was that he was
too depressed to even care.

a'>*   *   *

One of the few joys he had in
life - maybe even the only joy he had left - was a warm shower at the end of
the day. He spent nearly an hour sitting on the greenish porcelain as he let
the showerhead rain warm water on him. The hot currents caressed his body,
soothing the numbness and cold for a little while. He scrubbed himself hard,
washing his hands so many times until they ached.

Sometimes he could see it,
tloodlood staining his hands. It was a constant feeling of filth clinging to
his palms, but sometimes, just for a brief second, he could also see the dark
crimsion on his hands. The images were mere flashes of something that wasn�t really
there, but they were enough to convince him of its existence. When he showered,
the feeling would disappear for a little while.

After making sure that his
hands were red only because he had scrubbed them too hard, Heero stepped out of
the shower. His skin covered with Goosebumps as he walked out of the bathroom
and into the cool air of the apartment. He crawled into his sofa/bed, pulled
the thick blanket as high as his neck, closed his eyes and pretended that he
was dead. He pretended to be lying dead under the warm, soft, earth. Just lying
still... listening to silence... The feeling was almost elevating. It was
enough to sooth his mind for a few moments, just enough to relax and allow
sleep to come.

The silent humming of traffic
and the soft tapping of the rain on his window lulled him gently to sleep. In a
matter of minutes he will awaken by a paranoid feeling that danger was nearby.
The nagging feeling never left him be. He was going crazy, losing his sanity to
mental residues of war. Feelings that stole sleep from his aching eyes, that
jerked him awake and left him panting from fear in the middle of the night,
were constant visitors to his sleep. They were even worse than the unvarying
feeling of clotted blood on his hands.

Sometimes his mind would make
up stories, sick fantasies of being watched. Being stalked. Tortured. Maybe
even killed. He felt trapped, stuck in a corner with his back against the wall.
He wanted to die and live at the same time. He wanted... all he really wanted
was peace. Not the kind of peace he fought for, but the kind of peace that will
let him sleep quietly through the night. He wanted someone to hold him. It was
so cold...

Shivering in his bed, Heero
closed his eyes tight and slipped into a haunted, restless sleep.

*   *   *

Another day was , ma, marking
the end of his long week. He had forty eight hours before he had to go back to
work. He would have liked to work during the weekend, but his boss did not
allow it. The old man insisted that he needed to get a life. Heero guessed that
he simply didn�t want to pay him so damn much. During this free time he usually
slept, curled inside the warm covers. The rest of the weekend he spent working
out, trying to keep in shape. There was no real reason for him to work so hard
on his body, but at least if he kept himself busy, the demons would wait a
little longer before haunting him.

And so, with the thought of a
warm bed and a long sleep in mind, Heero made his way home. While walking the
short distance from the bus station to his building, he stumbled into a woman,
around forty or so, who�d apparently dropped her shopping bag and her groceries
were scattered all over the pavement. He caught her sight just when she
crouched to pick up her things, her hands feeling around as if she couldn�t
see. Lying at her feet was a long metal rod, a walking cane of some sort, or
rather a guiding cane. It didn�t take long for him to realize that she was
blind.

Kneeling by her side, Heero
reached for an orange and placed it carefully in her bag. �Here, ma�am, let me
help.� He said, which was probably the first thing he said all week that didn�t
involve the words �thank you� and
�that will be a dollar ninety nine�.

He could hear the woman gasp
silently and turn in the direction of his voice. She seemed stunned for a
moment, before her features hardened with a glare. �I don�t need your help,
boy, so back off.� She muttered, her unseeing blue eyes directed at him despite
her blindness. If he had to take a wild guess, he�d say that she was �looking�
at his mouth, the sound of his voice like a guide to her eyes.

He looked down at the fallen
groceries, his eyes scanning the scene quickly and assessing the situation. notenoted that the brown paper bag had torn, its bottom ripped to half. By the
amount of groceries lying around them Heero concluded that they weighed too
much for such a simple bag. There was no way the woman could use the torn bag,
nor would she be able to carry these by herself along with the guiding cane she
had to carry. She needed assistance even if she didn�t want it.

Taking a deep breath, Heero
reached for another vegetable and began gathering the fallen items to his lap.
�Your bag is torn,� He replied in his regular monotone. �I can help you.�

�I might be blind, boy, but I
am not incompetent.� The woman muttered harshly, her dead eyes managing to look
scornful despite their blindness. Crouching in front of her, Heero looked up at
her with a slightly baffled expression. He couldn�t tear his gaze off her eyes.
They were a very intense shade of blue, though they were dull and unfocused.
However, despite the fact that her eyes had lost their light, there was still
something burning within them. They were too hard, too harsh and unforgiving to
be dead. Heero swallowed and hurried to look away. Those eyes were even more
lifeless than his own eyes, in more ways than one.

Heero sighed and picked up
that last of the groceries, cradling the large pile in his arms. He slowly rose
to his feet and looked down at the woman. She slowly stood up herself.

�I�m sorry.� He finally said,
knowing that he had doubted the woman�s ability and humiliated her. �I did not
mean to offend you. The bag is torn, and the pile is quite heavy, so I
thought...�

His voice slowly trailed off
as he noticed that her features were slowly softening. He suddenly realized how
beautiful the woman was. Despite the fact that she was old enough to be his
mother, he had to admit that she was very attractive. Not that he was drawn to her,
God forbid, but it was just something that registered somewhere in the back of
his mind. She had long brown hair, which was a much lighter shade than his, and
reached down to her knees. It was gathered in a simple braid, lying carelessly agaisnt
her thick black raincoat. Her features were thin and her skin rather
smooth for a woman her age. She was about his height, and her figure was
slender. She had a very dignified air around her, something almost noble in the
way she stood. Her body was rigid even though her features had softened a bit.
He couldn�t help but sense that she was feeling threatened by him. He wondered
what could have made her so distrustful. Then again, considering the war that
had raged not so long ago, he shouldn�t be so surprised.

�I don�t mean any harm.� He
finally finished, trying to look apologetic, though she couldn�t possibly see
him. �I just thought I could be of assistance.�

The woman frowned, wrinkles
appearing on her forehead. She seemed so suspicious of him, making him feel uncomfortable.
�All right, if you insist. But I don�t want to be of any trouble.�

�You won�t.� He hurried to
assure her. �I don�t have anything better to do anyway.�

The woman�s frown deepened,
like she was thinking over what he said. It made him feel even more
self-conscious. She was probably wondering what kind of a strange looser he
must be. He sighed and shifted the groceries in his arms. He felt like her
unseeing eyes were, in some bizarre way, seeing straight through him.

�Very well then,� the woman
finally spoke, �My apartment building is right over here, so you won�t have to
walk far anyway.� With this bitter explanation the woman flipped her hair back
and began marching towards the nearest building. Heero followed her silently.

*   *
*

He wasn�t overly shocked to
discover that the woman lived in the same building as he did. She lived two
floors beneath his, in an apartment not much bigger than his own. Her flat
contained a bedroom in addition to the living room, and it also had a bigger
kitchen. It was dark and moldy like a rat hole. He was surprised to find that
she lived in such poor conditions. He somehow assumed, with no good reason
really, that the woman�s place would be different. Brighter, well decorated and
filled with some pleasant scent. It was not the case. Her apartment was as cold
as his was, dark as his was and just as messy. He assumed that she simply
didn�t have the need to decorate the place. She couldn�t see it anyway. Still,
it could have been nice because... because of what? He had no idea. All he knew
is that it bothered him greatly to see another human being living a hell
similar to his.

�Are you going to come in or
just stand there and stare?� The woman half said, half growled at him. �If you
say you live in this building, you shouldn�t be so surprised.� She muttered,
walking into the small apartment, her long braid swining from side to side as
she walked.

Heero turned to look at her,
his expression stunned. She seemed to read him so well even without seeing his
reactions. Was it just a good guess? A bitter assumption? It can�t be just a
simple coincidence. Ah! Why was he thinking about it so hard?! He should just
finish what he started and move on with his life.

He stayed long enough to help
her place the groceries in place. The pantry�s door creaked when he opened it.
He wasn�t stunned to find it mostly empty. There was only a half empty bag of
rice and two can of some kind. The woman - he still didn�t ask for her name �
placed the rest of her shopping in the small refrigerator. Heero noted that the
old fridge was in desperate need for cleaning, but he didn�t say anything. It
was none of his business.

When he was done, he merely
stood there for a second, staring ahead. The woman was searching around with
her hands until she found a small rusty kettle. She felt her way to the sink
and filled it with water. Heero watched as she placed it on the stove and then
began looking around for something else. A moment later and she still could not
find it. Taking a deep breath, Heero walked over to the stove and reached for
the small shelf above it. He picked up a small matchbox and handed it to the
woman.

�Ma�am,� he said to draw her
attention, but she was already �looking� at him with those accusing eyes of
hers. Heero swallowed and placed the matchbox in her hands. �I�m sorry.� He
mumbled, backing away from her. �I�ll... I�ll leave now.� He added quietly,
slowly turning around to exit the kitchen.

�Wait,� she called after him
when he was nearly at the door.

Heero stopped and turned
around. He saw her standing at the kitchen doorway, staring in his general
direction. Again he was reminded that she couldn�t see him, which called for a
verbal reply. He was speaking more than he had all week. Maybe even a month.

�Is something wrong?� He
asked, trying to sound concerned though his voice was still a detached
monotone. He hated it so much. He sounded as cold as he felt.

The woman�s frown
disappeared. �Well, I suppose I should at least thank you.� She muttered as if
she was displeased by the idea.

�There�s no need to thank me,
ma�am.� Heero hurried to reply, shaking his head. �I�ve done nothing out of the
ordinary.�

The woman snorted. �Helping a
total stranger is something out of the ordinary nowadays.�

�I was just a nuisance and I
have offended you. I apologize, and I don�t want to be thanked for it.� He
turned back to the door.

�So, you�re not going to tell
me your name?� The woman called after him again, her tone stubborn and
demanding.

Heero froze with his hand on
the doorknob, bowing his head slowly. �You can call me Heero.� He said quietly,
opening the door. �Good night.� He added warily and quickly slipped out of the
apartment.

The woman continued standing
at the kitchen doorway, gazing unseeingly at the direction of the door. There
was a sad and disappointed look on her face as she slowly closed her eyes and
turned back to the kitchen.

*    *    *

New Year�s Eve of A.C 198 was
even colder than the rest of the winter days. Rain was pouring hard over the
city, washing the buildings and creating rivers instead of roads. Still, the
streets were packed with people walking along the main entertainment districts
of town. Neon signs glowed with a colorful aura, the streetlights surrounded by
a glowing sphere of light created by the falling rain. Fog was crawling along
the pavements, rolling down the streets like it was a living thing in itself.

The weather might have been
gloomy, but the people�s joy was overwhelmingly great and the city radiated the
public�s happiness. Sounds of cheers and music filled the damp streets. Cars
passed by, splashing about as the sound of their horn played some silly melody.
Once in a while a large van with huge speakers on its rooftop drove by, a few
crazy teenagers standing on the roof or out its windows, dancing and calling out
loudly. Even the security guards at the entrance of the clubs had to smile at
the sight. These were the same �teens� who fought bloody battles a year ago.
There was more to celebrate besides the New Year. It was a celebration for
peace, and the signs decorating the streets did not forget to remind people of
that fact.

Wearing his shabby brown
jacket and a pair of jeans that were already soaked with water, Heero walked
down the streets. His hands were shoved into his pockets and his head was bowed
as he kept watching the sidewalk. His wet bangs swung lazily back and forth,
some plastered to his face. He passed by a gigantic sign that colorfully
announced- �One year of peace and still counting!�. A large digital clock
accompanied the words, the bright red digits counting the minutes of peace.
There was also a flattering picture of the ultimate representative of peace-
Ms. Relena (Peacecraft) Darlian. Heero shivered and just kept walking.

He walked the streets at
night, without any real direction. He passed slowly by shopping centers,
theaters, parks and other entertainment areas, but didn�t take the time to stop
and have more than a glance. He was cold and shivering, his mood gloomier than
ever. He had just greeted the new year in some shady bar, making a half-hearted
toast for peace along with a drunk that sat by his side. After the real party
started and people began to greet the New Year in their own ways, Heero just
slipped out of his seat and left the bar.

He had no idea why he had
gone out tonight. He rarely did. Only once in a long while he would go and have
a drink somewhere, always alone, always brooding. Tonight was no different. He
sat at the bar all by himself, isolated from the happiness around him. He
sipped his beer slowly and then left when the couples on the dance floor began
showing their affection in light of the New Year. It made him feel even
lonelier.

With his hands shoved
securely into his pockets, Heero walked down the different boulevards. He kept
his gaze on the movement of his feet, his entire demeanor closed off and
introvert. It was as if he wasn�t part of the world around him, trapped inside
an invisible glass bubble that followed him wherever he went. He saw people
laughing, enjoying themselves, but none of their joy managed to brush onto him.
Even the loud beat of music ascending from the different clubs and buildings
fell on deaf ears. There was no sound or warmth coming into his bubble. What
did manage to break in, he ignored.

He didn�t feel like going
home yet. His empty and cold apartment was something he was not ready to see
yet. If anything, he should at least try to surround himself with human
company tonight. New Year�s Eve was the worst. The nightmares were even greater
and he did everything in his power to stay away from bed. All he ever did at
home was to sleep. He couldn�t afford to go to sleep right now. He should at
least wait till daybreak. In the daytime, the nightmares were easier to bear.

So after hours of walking, he
decided to enter one of the nearby theaters. He bought a single ticket and
entered a late-night movie. The theater was rather empty and only a few couples
were making out in the back seats. He ignored them and focused his tired,
blood-shot eyes on the screen. It took him too long to realize that it was only
cheap porn, and when his cheeks were red enough, he left. Disheartened, he
returned to the silent avenues of the large city.

It was past three in the
morning and the streets were emptier than before. Still the clubs were flooding
the streets with music and various people gathered in groups wherever he
looked. In this part of town, among all the XXX theaters, stripper clubs and other
questionable entertainment means, he could see many �one-night� couples walking
about. Creatures of the night who aimed to seduce and rob you of your money in
exchange for a few hours of pleasure. Once in a while a car would
stop in front of one of those creatures and the bargaining would begin. Some
couples were already making their way to the nearest motel. Heero ignored them
and decided to just call it a night. He made a mistake by even trying to go
out.

Walking with his eyes �glued�
to the ground, Heero didn�t even notice it until he bumped into someone.
Sighing, he looked up and mumbled an apology.

��s alright.� A female voice
with a heavy Southern accent answered in mild amusement. �Had too much ta
drink, have ya?�

Frowning, Heero looked up. He
ran his bored blue eyes up and down her skinny figure, examining everything-
from her high-heeled boots, the black-netted pantyhose, the short leather skirt, and the white
fur coat that barely reached her slim waist. Her face was painted with a lot of
makeup, making her look like some doll out of a Stephen King horror flick. All
in all, he was not impressed but she didn�t seem to notice for she sent him a
seductive smirk and changed into a more �inviting� pose.

�Like what you see?� She droned seductively, batting her
eyelashes.

Heero didn�t answer, his eyes suddenly taking note of the
long black hair that cascaded from her head and down to her knees. It was
probably the only thing about her that was somewhat attractive. He turned his
gaze up again, but his mouth remained shut.

�Can�t we just... just...
talk?� He mumbled uncertainly, looking up at her with shimmering blue eyes.

�Talk?� She let out,
surprised. �You just want to talk?�

Heero nodded.

The hooker sighed. �Fine.�
She muttered, rolling her eyes. �It�s your money.� She tapped on the bed,
gesturing him to come and sit by her side.

His legs were still trembling
as he walked over to the bed and carefully sat down beside her. He moved away
from her, so that their bodies won�t touch. His body was stiff and rigid. He
was nervous and uncomfortable. For a long while he just sat there with his
hands on his knees and his gaze at the floor. His eyes glazed over as he just
kept staring at the tip of his shoes, thinking about nothing. Somewhere in the
back of his mind his own screams echoed from within a dark OZ prison cell, his
voice, hoarse and pitiful, begging someone to stop.

�Stop! Stop it! Please!
Please stop...�

Heero shivered and closed his
eyes. The screams slowly faded.

�Maybe you should go.� The
woman suggested with an impatient voice. She sighed and leaned back on the bed,
pushing her long hair back. �You�re just wasting yer doe and I got more
cooperative customers waiting for me on the streets.�

Heero sighed heavily, slowly
opening his eyes. Without a word, he got up, pushing his body off the bed with
great effort. He didn�t look back at her as he walked to the door, stopping
just to pick his jacket from the floor. It was still wet and he felt so
terribly cold as he slipped into it. Mumbling a small �thank you�, he walked
out of the room, leaving a fifty-dollar bill behind him.

*    *    *

It was half
past five in the morning when Heero finally arrived to his apartment
building. Dawn was breaking outside the dark lobby, washing the wet streets
with a faint white glohe ehe elevator was malfunctioning again, so he had to
take the stairs. When he finally arrived to his apartment, exhausted in every
way possible, Heero collapsed on his sofa/bed and slipped into a dark oblivion.

He awakened ten hours later
by the feeling of hunger. His stomach growled furiously, and it felt like the
sound of it was echoing inside the famished organ. The feeling of nausea and
emptiness reminded him that he hadn�t eaten in nearly three days. He moaned in
displeasure, not ready to wake up yet. This new year had nothing to offer him;
he just wanted to stay in bed forever. He nestled himself deeper into the warm
covers, pulling the blanket over his head to hide from the light coming from
the window.

His stomach growled again,
almost painfully. He was so terribly hungry. Opening one eye, Heero peeked
ahead from behind messy bangs. He pulled the blanket down a bit so he will have
a good view of the kitchen. The refrigerator was standing there silently,
heavy, bulky and indifferent to anything around it. His whole apartment looked
like it didn�t care for him at all. Sometimes he felt like it didn�t want him
there. Even inanimate
objects disliked him.

The heck with them, Heero
decided and hurried to hide under the blanket again. It�s not like the stupid
fridge had anything to offer him. It�s probably empty anyway. He tried to
ignore the throbbing pain in his empty stomach and go back to sleep. After
about half an hour he found that sleep had deserted him and there was no
gaining it back. Sighing, he sat up and slowly got out of bed. Picking up a
discarded towel from the floor, Heero flippedoverover his shoulder and headed
to the bathroom. His blue eyes gleamed with bitterness and sarcasm.

So this is AC 198...

*&nbnbspnbsp; *    *

He allowed himself a long
shower and then quickly slipped into the cleanest looking clothes he had lying
around. He rummaged through every pocket he had for a few ragged bills until he
had enough to buy himself something small to eat. Running a hahrouhrough his
unruly, uncombed, hair, he stepped out of the apartment and headed down the
stairs.

When he made his way down,
walking across one of the floors bellow his, he was surprised to see that
woman, his blind neighbor, crouching on the floor in front of her apartment
door. His eyes were drawn to her long brown hair, which fell smoothly over her
back, glowing under the dim light washing the hallway. By the way she was
feeling around with her hands he could tell that she was searching for
something.

He stopped for a moment, standing
by the stairs. He could easily continue his journey down and ignore her, but
for some reason he felt that he shouldn�t. She might not be the nicest of
people one could offer help to, but he couldn�t just leave her. Sighing to
himself, Heero marched towards her, his footsteps silent against the cheap
carpet that decorated the hallway. Despite his silent approach, the woman
turned to �look� up at him when he was about to reach her.

�Who is it?� She asked, her
voice distrustful. There was a scowl on her face as she moved her head slightly
from side to side, as if searching for someone.

�It�s me again. Heero.� He
answered, his voice coming out callous and numb, even to his own ears. �I
helped you a few days ago.�

�Yeah, I remember.� She
muttered, lowering her head again as if looking at the floor. She sighed in
annoyance. �Will it be too much to ask for your assistance once again?�

Heero shook his head, and
there was a brief silence until he realized that he should offer a verbal
reply. �Not at all, ma�am.�

�Nora.� The woman mumbled,
head still bowed. She was still kneeling on the floor, so her voice came out a
bit muffled.

�Pardon?� Heero asked
innocently, kneeling down by her side.

The woman sighed in
annoyance. �My name is Nora, so stop calling me �ma�am� all the time. It makes
me feel so damn old!�

�I�m sorry.� Heero apologized
earnestly. �I didn�t know your name.�

�Well, obviously!� She
growled, waving her hands in the air. Heero couldn�t help but feel like he was
just bothering her again, instead of helping as he intended to do.

�I lost my key.� Nora
suddenly said, her voice silent as if she was actually ashamed of asking for
his help. �I�ve searched for what feels like hours, but I can�t seem to find
it.� She explained with a heavy sigh, her hands feeling around as if to prove
her point.

Heero nodded in
understanding, his eyes already scanning the scene in search for the lost key.
It didn�t take him long to spot it lying inside a small crack between the
wooden floor and the wall, partly tucked beneath the carpet. It was rather hard
to find by feeling around, and the only reason he had spotted it was because
the tip of the metal key caught some of the light pouring from the hallway
window and sort of �twinkled� at him. He reached two slender fingers to carefully
retrieve the fallen key. He handed it to the woman.

�Here you go.� He said,
nudging the key close to her hand until it poked her a little. She quickly
turned her palm around and took it from him.

�Thank you.� She mumbled,
getting up. Heero followed suit, standing in front of her while trying to think
of a way to say goodbye. He was stunned to see her smile at him all of a
sudden. It was a small and bitter smile, but a smile nonetheless.

�You saved me again.� She
stated in mild amusement, her blind blue eyes looking at his general direction.

�It was nothing.� He assured
her. The silence returned and the atmosphere seemed heavy all of a sudden. His
stomach was still demanding to be fed, calling out angrily for his attention.

�Are you hungry?� Nora
suddenly asked, and Heero�s cheeks reddened a little. Was it possible that she
had heard him?

�Uh, I was just on my way to
the store.� He mumbled in a useless attempt to sound less embarrassed than he
was.

The woman nodded slowly,
looking thoughtful all of a sudden. The silence returned between them, until
Heero decided that it was time to leave. He was just taking a first step
backwards, when Nora spoke again.

�Heero,� she began rather
silently, just gaining his attention.

�Yes?� He asked, turning back
to face her. He didn�t know why, but all of a sudden a small bud of hope was blossoming inside
him. He hated hope. It only made the pain worse when it was crushed along with
all other feelings he had managed to salvage.

�Well, it might sound a bit
strange, but...� She continued sheepishly, shifting her weight from side to
side. She flipped her long hair back in a nervous gesture.

�What is it?� He urged her,
his stomach growling again as a wave of dizziness and nausea coursing through
him. He should really get some food into his system.

�Well, you see, I�ve prepared
an osechi last night, and I seem to have made too much, so...�

�Osechi?� Heero cut in,
raising an eyebrow.

A sheepish smile appeared on
her lips. She nodded. �Yes. It�s Japanese. It�s a customary meal for the New
Year.�

Now he was frowning, quite
confused. �Japanese? H-how did you know I was Japanese?�

Nora seemed stunned, her
expression confused. In less than a second, she was smiling again and shrugging
casually. �Ah well, I mean, I heard it. In, in your voice. You have a slight
accent.� She let out in a rush of words, turning her head aside for a moment.

�I do?� He wonered out loud.

�Don�t worry, it�s hardly
noticeable.� She hurried to assure him, only now turning back to face him.
�It�s just that I have a very acute sense of hearing. And, uh, your name, of
course!�

�Oh.� He let out, still
confused. The silence returned for a few moments more, until Nora spoke again.
She took a step towards him, raising her eyes to his general direction.

�So... would you... would you
like to join me?�

There was something almost
desperate in her voice. A sort of a lonely plea he knew all too well. He could
easily sympathize with it for it was the same pain running through his own veins.

�Um He He stammered, still
thinking if he should. He didn�t know what to make of this invitation. One
minute this woman was bitter and distrustful and a moment later she invites him
in for a meal? And a Japanese meal nonetheless! What was going on here?

�It�s just a token of
gratitude.� The woman assured him, her voice slightly shaking for some reason.
�I�m sure you don�t want to spend the first day of the New Year with a grumpy
old lady, but...� Her voice trailed off and she sighed. He could see her
shoulders slump and she slowly turned to the door. �Oh well, it was just a
thought...� She mumbled, trying to get the key into the lock.

Taking a deep breath, Heero
allowed himself a small smile � it�s not like anyone could see it - and nodded
his head. �Sure,� he said, walking to the door as well. ��I�d love to.�

Nora nodded in
acknowledgment, hiding her own smile for she had heard the smile in Heero�s
voice. His tone was lighter when he smiled. She decided that it suited him
better to smile, and quickly opened the door for him.

�Please, come in.�

*   Looking down at the knife and
fork lying in front of him, he finally thought about something to say. He
looked up in her direction where she was standing by the stove and making some
tea.

�Isn�t it customary to eat it
with chopsticks?� He asked, his voice coming off as too loud in the silent
kitchen. He swore that he could see her flinch, like she was unused to hear
someone else�s voice.

She chuckled bitterly,
picking up a kettle and carefully pouring water into a couple of mugs. �Have
you ever tried eating anything with chopsticks while blindfolded?�

Realizing his foolish
mistake, Heero bowed his head and berated himself for his foolishness. �I�m
sorry.� He mumbled, deciding it will be better to keep his mouth shut for he
obviously had nothing useful to say.

�It�s all right.� She assured
him, walking over to the small kitchen table with two steaming mugs in her
hands. �I sometimes forget I�m blind as well. I keep expecting to see the light
when I wake up each morning.�

Heero swallowed, debating
whether or not to ask the obvious question. His curiosity and the need to break
the silence won over his sheepishness. �Were you...�

�Always blind?� Nora
interjected, her voice lighter than he expected it to be. �No.� She let out
with a sigh, shaking her head. �Not always.�

Heero nodded and bowed his
head again. Nora served the meal to the table. For a long while they ate in
silence. Heero was picking at his food at first, until his hunger grew by
tenfold after a few small bites and he quickly devoured his meal. He could have
sworn he heard her chuckle silently, so he began eating more slowly, trying to
be as polite as his hunger allowed him.

�So...� Nora began, brushing
a few chunks of long hair out of her eyes and over her shoulders. �How old are
you, Heero?�

Heero looked up, his features
stunned for a moment, frozen in mid-bite. He hurried to swallow and since he
didn�t respond verbally, the woman continued.

�Wait, let me guess.� she
said, �You sound young... but you�re not a teenager, right?� Heero looked up,
surprised, but still provided no answer. The woman continued. �No offence, but
it�s just that you sound too mature to be an adolescent. I�d say you�re
about... twenty?�

Heero cast his gaze down and
reached for his tea. �Close.� He whispered, taking a small sip. �I�m going to
be eighteen this year.�

�Oh.� She let out, frowning.
�And you live alone?�

�Yes.� He replied in a quiet,
solemn voice. He wrapped his palm around the warm mug, trying to force some
heat into his body. Staring at his drink, he took a shaky breath and spoke. �I
live two floors above yours.�

The woman nodded in
understanding. �I see.� She whispered, bowing her head and staring at her drink
with unseeing eyes. The silence carried on. Both of the table�s occupants just
sat with their shoulders slumped and their heads bowed. There wasn�t even a
clock to tick and break the silence. It was as if each of them was alone,
surrounded by soundproof walls. They continued eating is silence. When Heero
finished his meal, still hungry but not saying anything about it, he returned
to slowly drinking his tea while trying to think of something else to say. This
was the first real conversation he had in almost a year. The few words
that passed between them awakened his need for conversation even more. He
suddenly realized that he was unused to the sound of his own voice.

�Anou,� he began and then
quickly stopped himself. Nora turned her blind gaze at him and he swallowed
nervously. �M-may I ask why you�ve prepared a Japanese meal? I, I don�t know
much about the New Year, but is it... is it a normal thing to do?�

The woman sighed, sipping her
tea before answering. �It�s a tradition, I guess. Old habits die hard.�

Heero frowned. �I�m sorry. I
don�t understand.�
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Behind Blue Eyes