Why?

“Why?”

That one word was all it took for Winry’s head to jerk up from her workbench, a mother’s concern etched on the fine features of her face. Before she could speak, she saw the cause of the anguish in her daughter’s eyes. In one hand, 11-year-old Sara clutched a leather-bound journal, in the other, a photograph

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she demanded again, and the tears began to slip down her cheeks.

“Oh honey,” Winry said hopelessly. Skirting the bench, she reached out to her daughter, her heart shattering as her daughter backed away. Unable to give up, Winry managed to gather Sara in her arms, stroking her thick blonde hair as the little girl sobbed.

“I’m sorry,” Winry said over and over, knowing that the words meant nothing. “I’m so sorry.”

Somehow, she had always known that it would come to this. In fact, a part of her had been preparing for it since that night nearly 12 years ago when she had awakened from a fitful sleep to find Edward sitting at the foot of her bed, his head buried in his hands.

Even now, she could see him, perched on the edge of her bed, bathed in moonlight. His natural blonde locks were a foreign black and just as rumpled as his tank-top and shorts. He was beautiful, a work of living art with the taunt muscles of his left arm contrasting against the simmering steel of his leg. Shocked at finding him there, she’d bolted into a seated position, pulling the blankets over her skimpy nightgown as she did so.

“Ed?” she’d asked in a timid voice. “What are you doing here?”

He didn’t say anything but turned at looked at her with the saddest eyes she’d ever seen. Winry’s heart leapt into her throat and, for the first time where Edward Elric was concerned, she acted purely on instinct. Without hesitation, she dove across her bed, crashing through the miles and walls that had separated them for the past five years, gathering him in her arms. His body went stiff against hers for a fraction of a moment before he curled his own arms around hers, gripping onto her shoulders as if his life depended on it and the first chocking sob broke free. Holding Ed tightly, Winry said nothing and let him cry against her neck, his tears rolling down her collarbone and coming to rest between her breasts.

After a while, Ed released her and Winry dropped her hands to her lap. “Thanks,” he said, wiping the last traces of tears away with his left hand. Offering her a gentle squeeze with his right, Winry relished, as she always did, the feel of automail against her skin. As Ed got to his feet, she desperately clutched at that hand with both of hers.

“Ed,” she said, her voice no more than a whisper. He flashed her a timid smile and said nothing in return.

“Don’t go,” she begged. He looked surprised at her request and Winry couldn’t blame him. Since awakening to her feelings for him in late childhood, she’d dealt with Edward Elric in a very predictable way. She’d yelled, bullied, thrown wrenches and chairs, and occasionally burst into tears. Anything she could to get him to notice her, to make him admit, even if it was just once, that she was important. While his responses over the years had grown just as predictable (he’d yelled, shouted, stomped, complained, and thrown temper tantrums), he had yet to look at her the way he was looking at her right now.

Returning to the edge of the bed, Ed sat as close to Winry as possible. His right hand still claimed by hers, he reached up with his left and tucked a strand of loose hair behind her ear. Unable to hold his gaze, Winry looked at her lap and studied a hand that she probably knew better than her own. She’d crafted all the parts herself, spent hours making sure that each and every piece was perfect. It was the only way she knew how to show him that she loved him.

So well did she know that hand that she could tell that its owner was trembling. Raising her head, Winry could she the nervousness written all over Ed’s face. “I can’t stay,” he said.

“Tonight,” she responded almost without thinking. Moving slightly closer she clarified, “Just stay with me tonight.”

The first kiss was mutual, the two of them closing the distance between them in perfect sync. It must have been beginners luck, for their second kiss was awkward, their noses proving more of an obstacle than anything else. They both laughed, the sound echoing in the silence before Winry pressed a hand to each of their mouths. There were, after all, three other people and a dog in the house and they didn’t want to risk drawing any attention.

Their kisses quickly grew deeper and more passionate, and they began to experiment, a series of undiscussed physical cues letting the other know when something felt wonderful and right. Growing bolder, Winry grabbed Ed’s shoulders and pulled him, using her own weight as leverage as she tumbled back on the bed. He fell on top of her and again they laughed. Tugging on the bottom of Ed’s shirt, Winry managed to remove the offending garment with ease. Her desire, which had been steadily building as they kissing, instantly peaked. She’d seen Ed without his shirt a number of times, but never like this. His perfectly tuned muscles shone in the moonlight, blending with, yet remaining separate from his automail. As Ed rose up on his hands above her, she looked at the scars from his automail surgery and her heart caught in her throat. Reaching up, she kissed them all before he once again claimed her mouth with his own.

Putting all his weight on his right side, Ed timidly laid his left against her waist, not yet daring to connect skin to skin. Slowly, over several agonizing moments, he worked his way up to her breasts, tenderly massaging them until her nipples became taunt beneath the thin fabric.

Frustrated and aching with desire, Winry shoved Ed off her before pulling her nightgown over her head and removing the rest of her clothing. Flushing bright red, she slipped back beneath the sheets and inexplicably turned her back on the only person she’d ever wanted. As he snuggled up against her, she was startled but pleased to see that he had followed her example.

Laying a row of kisses against the nape of her neck, Ed whispered, “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

Rolling over so that she faced him, Winry cleared the black hair from Ed’s golden eyes. “I want to,” she confessed. “I’ve wanted to for a long time.”

Again they kissed, forgoing any need to continue exploring each other’s bodies. He positioned himself above her, her legs open wide to accept him. With a trembling hand, Winry guided Ed to her, and in one shocking, beautiful moment they gave themselves to each other.

“Tell me if you want me to stop,” Ed whispered in her ear as he began to thrust, every muscle in his body tense as he fought to control the escalation of ecstasy.

Nodding in agreement, Winry closed her eyes and bit her lip. After a few thrusts, she began to match his rhythm, moving with him stroke for stroke. Focusing on the part of her body that had never before been this alive, she began to tighten and relax her muscles, shifting this way and that, relishing in the pleasure that a mere inch in certain directions could give her.

“If you don’t stop that,” Ed breathed, a smile on his face, “I’m not going to be able to last much longer.”

Opening her eyes, Winry smiled back. “I’m not sorry,” she retorted. “I’m just-” Cut off by her own moan, she threw her head back and wrapped her arms tighter around Ed’s neck. He answered with his own moan and his movements became faster, his rhythm less stable.

“Don’t stop,” she begged, wrapping her legs around his waist. Her climax was almost on top of her and she had to bite her lip again to keep from crying out. Before she knew what was happening, Ed pressed his mouth against hers, moaning in deep within his throat. Unable to contain himself any longer, he burst within her, setting off a chain reaction allowing her reach orgasm.

For a long time, they lay together, breathless, his member still nestled within her, causing occasional spasms of pleasure. Once Ed heaved himself off her, he gathered up their clothes, handing Winry her nightgown. Staring at the threadbare cloth, she felt the tears well up in her eyes.

“Don’t go,” she whispered, not able to look him in the eyes.

“I wasn’t going to,” he said, lifting the edge of the sheet and crawling back into her bed. “I just don’t think it would be a good idea for anyone to catch us like that.”
Relieved, Winry dressed quickly before resting her head on Ed’s chest. Absentmindedly, he began to stroke her hair, both of them oblivious to the strands caught in the joints of his hand.

It was only after his hand went limp and his breathing slowed that Winry whispered, “I love you Edward.” Seconds later, she was asleep.

When she woke up the next morning, the sun was streaming through her bedroom window and she was alone.

He had left her that day. Without a word about what they had shared, Edward Elric had loaded his brother on a train, boarded it himself, and sped out of her life, scarcely waving goodbye. Al would return to her in a few weeks time, restored to his 10-year-old body with no memory of the past four years. But Ed remained missing, and no one was sure where he had gone or if he was ever coming back.

For a long time, Winry cradled her daughter in her arms, letting the torrent of tears wash over her. Once Sara’s breathing settled into ragged gasps her mother lead her downstairs, settling the two of them on the couch. Winry pulled Sara close and tried to find the words that would make her understand.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Sara asked after a while. Her voice was small and weak, so different from what it had been just moments before.

“I didn’t know how,” Winry said, honestly.

“What do you mean, you didn’t know how?” Sara demanded, her voice trembling. “All this time, you let me believe a lie!”

Fighting back her own tears, Winry opened up her heart and let the words flow.

“It hurt too much to think about him,” she began. “I loved Edward Elric since I was your age. I loved him with all my heart, but he always kept me at a distance.”

Pausing she looked down at her daughter, her heart trembling at the shimmering golden eyes staring back at her.

“Why?” This time there was no accusation in Sara’s voice, only curiosity and confusion.

Taking a moment to sort out the answer, Winry closed her eyes. In her mind, she saw Ed, the images flashing against her lids, one after another. “He cared about me too much to make me a part of all the horrible things that were in his world,” she said softly, seeing it clearly for the first time. “He wanted to make me happy and that was the only way he knew how. But it still hurt. I wanted him to confide in me, to trust me, to lean on me when things got hard, and he never let himself. In fact, the only time he ever reached out to me was the night we made you. I only saw him once more after that.”

Sara let her mother’s words sink in. “Where is he now?” she finally asked.

“I don’t know,” Winry answered honestly. “I don’t think anyone does. Everyone who might know is gone.”

“That’s sad.”

“Yes, it is.”

For a long while they sat on the couch, not speaking. Each was lost in her own thoughts, enjoying the silence that swept over them. Leaning back, Winry recalled the night her daughter was born. A violent storm had raged outside. Lightening flashed across the sky as torrents of water pounded against the earth. It was as though a gateway were trying to open up between this world and the next.

Inside the Rockbell home, Winry grunted and huffed. Sweat poured down her face as she gripped Rose’s hand. With every contraction, she pushed, harder and harder, past the point of exhaustion, until finally, her grandmother held up a slimy infant and proudly proclaimed, “It’s a girl!”

Taking her daughter in her arms for the first time, Winry studied her, looking for any features that might remind her of the only man she had ever loved. The smattering of blonde hair meant nothing, as she was just as fair-haired as Ed. Slowly, she identified the Elric chin and nose. During the inspection, the baby opened her eyes and stared at her mother, causing Winry to burst into tears.

Her daughter’s eyes were as warm as liquid gold.

Over the years, Sara proved that genetics went far beyond physical traits. She was truly Edward Elric’s daughter to the core, as smart, creative, and determined, as she was stubborn, willful, and hardheaded. To Winry, her baby was just as dear and beautiful as the man who had brought about her being. He had given her a gift, and Winry vowed to never let herself forget that.

Sara’s breathing slowed and Winry gazed lovingly at the blonde head. As gently as she could, she removed the journal from her daughter’s grasp and began to flip through the pages. She’d come across the book shortly after the last time the Elric brother’s had left and she’d starting writing in it during her pregnancy to keep from going insane. Once Sara had been born, she’d gotten out of the habit, leaving most of the pages empty.

As she perused the pages, she noticed a hint of writing towards the end. Confused, she flipped through the back of the journal, trying to find who else had written in it. It hadn’t been her; surely she would have remembered a lone entry so close to the end. Turning a page, Winry’s heart caught in her throat as she recognized Ed’s distinctive scrawl. She touched the words tenderly as she read, once again, through the tears in her eyes,

I love you too, Winry.