Shiver

Chapter 10

Aftermath

I heard a bell. It ripped me out of my daze. I wasn't sleeping, but I wasn't awake, either. More like somewhere in-between. I felt the warm arm surrounding my shoulders lift. The bed dipped. I realized Roy was leaving me. Panic set in. I whirled around in the sheets and thrust my chest up to see the back of Roy's body, lit up by the afternoon sun streaming in through the windows, as he put his clothes on. "Roy? Where are you going? Don't leave." Tears began to blur my vision. I didn't hold them back anymore. There was no point.

After pulling his military trousers on, Roy straightened and turned to face me. He held his hands up. "Listen, Ed, it's just the door. I have to get it. I promise I'll be right back."

The doorbell rang again.

I could see the pain in his face, but it still didn't ease my panic. "Let them think no one's home, let them just leave."

Roy stepped over to me and sat on the edge of the bed, placing his hand on my flesh shoulder. "I need to get that. I'll be right back. I'm not going to let anything happen to you, do you hear me?"

I felt a tear race down my cheek and my heart pounded with fear, but I nodded my head anyway.

"Good. Just lay down and rest a little more."

I nodded again, feeling my lip tremble, and lay down on my side, facing the doorway. I wanted to know as soon as he came back.

Keeping my anxious gaze on the doorway, I heard the door open and muffled voices in the other room. Footsteps sounded, coming in my direction. Suddenly, I heard the metal clanking of my brother's body. Oh, no, he can't see me like this. I pulled the covers up over my head and began to shake.

"Brother?" I heard Al take a few steps into the room.

"Ed? Your brother's here to see you," Roy said.

"No, go away. Roy, make him go away." My voice wavered. My shame at being duped and allowing Envy to have his way with me ate at my insides like an infection. There was no way I could face Al right now. If he found out what happened, he'd also have to know what Roy and I were doing. I just couldn't deal with it.

I heard more clanking and felt a large hand press on my side through the sheets.

"Ed, please talk to me. I'm worried about you. I need to know what happened."

I felt the bed dip and jiggle as he sat on its edge.

"Get out of here, Al," I shouted. "Get out!"

"Al," Roy said.

"No, Roy, I want to see him."

I became frantic. My chest felt tight. I suddenly needed him out of here right now, right this second, or I'd implode. "Go away! Go away! Go away!" I shrieked. My arms and legs began to flail under the covers, kicking and punching any part of him I could find. I tried to force him off the bed, force him to leave.

I felt the pressure release on the bed.

"Roy? What's wrong with him?" Al's voice shook with emotion.

I halted my motions and held my body still. Hearing Al's voice sound like that made me feel like breaking down. I brought my hand up to my mouth and started to sob into my palm. I didn't want Al to hear me, didn't want to make him more worried than he already was. But I couldn't help it. My emotions waged a war inside my head. Shame and self-loathing were currently winning the battle.

"Roy? He's crying. Why is he crying?"

"Come on. I think you should go."

I heard the clanking of my brother's metal feet and Roy's soft padding.

"B-but, what happened? No one is telling me anything." Al's voice started to sound angry.

"I'm sorry. Just know that he's safe. Physically, I think he's okay, and I promise I'll take care of him. I'll let you know as soon as he's able to see you."

"Edward?" Al's voice was small and pleading.

"Come, on. I'll show you to the door."

Not until I heard the door close and Roy's bare feet, alone, on the wood floor, did I lower the covers.

Striding to the side of the bed, Roy put his hands on his hips and looked down at me. He frowned. "Ed, why did you behave that way?"

"You didn't tell him anything, did you?" I roamed his face, searching for his answer.

Roy shifted his stance. "Not really." He sat on the edge of the bed. "Ed, he deserves to know. He's your brother."

I felt my anger and shame race forward. "He doesn't need to know I was stupid enough to let that son of a bitch Envy use me like he did!"

Roy reached his hand out to rest on my side. His face looked pained. "Damn-it, what happened wasn't your fault. If anything, it was mine." He took his hand away and looked down in his lap.

How could he think he was to blame? "Roy? Y-you didn't do anything. It was Envy. It was me letting Envy do those things. I let him. I should have known you'd never have done those things to me. B-because . . . Roy?"

Roy turned back around to face me. "What?"

I saw tears in his eyes. It ripped my heart out. I couldn't let him blame himself. "D-didn't you say you." I gulped hard. I had a hard time saying the words, what if I'd just imagined he said them? "Didn't you say you loved me?"

Roy lunged forward on the bed, grabbing me tight, forcing us both backwards. He lay on top of me and pressed his cheek up against mine. He kissed me softly. "Yes, Edward, I said that and it's true. I'm so sorry it had to come out the way it did. I should have told you that a long time ago."

It was then I realized something else was eating away at me. It slowly came to the surface. Something about how everything had felt. Why exactly I'd let myself slip into Envy's game so easily. I'd liked it. Every agonizing second of it stimulated my senses like nothing had ever done before. Just the thought of it made me harden even now. I gasped and gripped Roy tighter, burying my face in his neck.

"What? What is it?" Roy tried to break free so he could see my face.

I wouldn't let him. What would he think of me if I told him that? "N-nothing."

"Oh, come on."

My hold loosened.

Roy shoved himself up and looked down on me. "What's going on inside that lovely head of yours?"

I felt terror. "Nothing, I said." Would he see my sudden arousal? And how could I explain it? I know I craved it now, the shame, the punishment, the submission. Oh, God.

"You're flushed." Sitting up a little, Roy looked down at my erection through my boxers. "You already want to do that?"

I looked at the wall, trying to hide from him somehow. But I did want it, from him, right now. He'd said he loved me. How much better would it be with someone who loved me? "I, well, I want to know how it feels when it's real." How could I talk him into this? He must think I've lost my mind. Maybe I had.

"I don't think this is such a good idea. You obviously are not yourself." Sighing, Roy sat up on the edge of the bed. "Listen, you seem better, so I need to make some phone calls and see of they've found anything. I'd like you to keep resting while I do that. I'll come check on you later, okay?"

The sweet agony was returning. He was going to make me wait for it. "Okay." My body was on fire.

Roy got up, raked his hand through his beautiful black hair, and left the room.

I wanted to touch myself, right then. But I had to wait. Roy would be back and I'd find a way, somehow, to make him do those things to me. I turned over onto my stomach and felt my erection press against the mattress. It was delicious. Oh how I wanted to thrust against it, but I couldn't. I'd just lay here, thinking about, wishing for it, agonizing over it. My body shuddered.

xxx

Roy strode into the room, holding a tray in his hand. "Here you go, Ed. I made you some dinner."

I'd been smelling food for awhile now. My stomach was growling. I propped myself up against the headboard, on pillows, and tugged the sheets up to cover my groin. I was still aroused.

Roy set the tray in my lap and sat next to me. It pressed sensually against my erection, sending a pulse of pleasure racing through my body. Looking down at the noodles and sausage he'd prepared, sitting on a white plate, I bit my lip to stifle a moan. "It looks good." I gazed up at Roy, smirking. "I didn't know you could cook."

Roy smiled at me. "I don't eat out all the time." Setting his hand next to me, he leaned over on his straightened arm and brushed my bangs out of my face.

His touch was exquisite. My gaze rested on his lips. I was hungry for more than just food. I adjusted the tray, letting it rub me just a little. Delicious. I picked up a fork and shoveled noodles into my mouth, devouring it as fast as I could.

"Damn, you were hungry. Don't choke yourself." He chuckled, watching me.

I gazed up at him while I chewed. My eyes trailed down his broad chest, covered by his white shirt, and down to his groin. I tried to see how he fit under the folds of his trousers, tried to pick out which fold held the treasure I longed to feel inside me.

Roy shifted on the bed. "Ed, what are you looking at?"

"Huh?" My trance broke and I gazed into his face. I put more noodles in my mouth, they seemed to satisfy one of my cravings.

Smiling, Roy leaned forward and swiped the side of my mouth with the back of his index finger. "You're drooling."

I nodded. My eyes returned to his groin. I could make it out, just to the left. I wanted to reach out and touch it, make it hard, take it in my mouth and devour it, instead of these noodles. I pressed down on the tray, sending a wave of pleasure over me. My eyes closed.

"Ed."

"Huh?" I looked up at his face again.

"Stop it."

"What?" I put another forkful of noodles into my mouth.

"Quit looking at my crotch like that." Roy sat up and adjusted his trousers. "Damn, you're getting me going now."

My heart leapt at his comment. Maybe I could make this work after all. I ate the last bunch of noodles and pressed down on the tray again. It felt so good I almost thrust upward. My breath was heavy. "Take the tray."

Standing up, Roy leaned over to take it from my lap.

I seized Roy's wrists, pressing the tray hard into me, letting the delicious pressure wash over me for a moment, and gazed up into his eyes. "Tell me what to do."

"What are you talking about?" Roy looked confused, but there was something else there too, desire.

I wouldn't let go of him. "We have an arrangement, remember? You have to tell me what to do."

Roy let his head fall forward for a moment, then he raised it again. "Ed, that's all over. You don't have to do that anymore. If you want to make love, we can. But you don't have to be my slave anymore."

No, no, no, my voice screamed inside my head as I shook it. "I need you to tell me what to do. Please, tell me. Please." My eyes closed as a wave of desire shook inside me. Even begging almost pushed me over the edge. I was so hard, my erection ached under the tray. "Please, tell me."

Roy took the tray off me, ripping free from my grasp, and set it on the floor.

I leaned forward, not wanting to let the pressure from the tray release from me. When I looked at Roy, he was standing by the bed, looking down at me, with a clear erection under his trousers. He appeared thoroughly confused.

"Ed, I . . . I'm not sure about this. I don't know if it would be good for you after what's happened." He put his hand to his forehead as if in deep thought.

Quickly getting on all fours, I crept to the edge of the bed. I reached up and grabbed his arm with both of my hands, tugging him downward. "Please, Roy, I want this. Just this once, okay? We can figure out if it's good for me later."

Dropping his hand from his face, he frowned at me.

I raised myself up on my knees and pulled his arm forward, so his the back of his hand was on my erection. I rocked my hips up and down over it, biting my lip, moaning. I was so sensitive, I thought I would spill right there.

"Ed!" Roy jerked his hand away from me.

I almost lost it, but he left me unfinished. Perfect. I was in heaven, just at the brink, right where I wanted to be. Now he could leave and I could have my sweet agony. I sat down on my legs, panting, and rested my hands on my upper thighs, close to my aching length, so close they teased me. I trailed my flesh hand around my groin, brushing the skin over my thighs, my lower stomach, in the crevice between my legs and erection, everywhere but where it mattered most. I hissed with pleasure.

"Holy shit, Ed." Roy got down on his knees in front of me and placed his hands on my legs.

I looked up at him through my bangs, sweat starting to form on my brow. I continued to slowly tease myself.

Roy glanced down at my groin and back up into my eyes. "I don't know exactly what you're doing to yourself, but damn, I can't take it."

Suddenly, he lifted me up by the shoulders and tossed me backwards on the bed. He landed on top of me, lips devouring my neck, hips grinding into my length.

"Tell me what to do." My voice was almost lost in my breathing.

Roy's hand raced underneath and up my shirt to pinch at my nipple. "Do whatever you want."

I bucked and drew my hips back, realizing I was about to climax already. He didn't tell me I could. "No, make me have control." I yearned to be his slave, to make my body do only his bidding.

Roy tilted to the side, unbuttoned his shirt, and unfastened his pants. "Fine, then. Ed, don't you dare loose it yet. Save it for me."

Just the words sent me reeling.

Roy wriggled out of his shirt and tossed it to the floor. Briefly leaving my side, he tugged his pants down and off. He smiled. His attention was focused solely on me as he laid back down by my side. "Okay, Ed, if it's what you want, I'll give it to you."

I moaned. This was so much better than it was with Envy.

Roy pulled my boxers off and trailed his fingers all around my erection. Reaching up, he pushed a finger into my mouth. "Suck it."

I did, almost thrusting upward, but I caught myself.

He took his slick finger and ran it softly up the underside of my length.

I bit my lip, wanting to cry out with raw desire.

"Moan, Ed. I want you to make noise. As much as possible." Roy did it again, this time the pressure was a little harder.

My moans came loud and insistent, one after another with nothing held back.

"Okay, move now. I want you to move your hips anyway you feel like it." He placed his fist around my erection and squeezed.

My whole body pulsated with pleasure and I bucked hard, jerking upward, with my legs rigid and my fists clenched tight. "Oh, God, Roy." I began to writhe under him, every movement made his hand rub over me just enough to re-ignite tiny pulses into my body. "Take me, Roy, take me." I stopped suddenly, looking up at him with wide eyes. I almost lost control again. I was too sensitive.

Roy released my erection and caressed my cheek with the back of his fingers. "I want to make love to you, Ed. I want you to know what it's like when someone really loves you."

Tears pooled in my eyes with his words. It was overwhelming to be like this and have him say that. I trembled with need. Reaching out, I cupped his face in my hands. "I love you."

With a gentle turn of his head, he placed a tender kiss on my palm. His eyes locked on to mine. "I love you, too."

I blinked, sending a tear racing down my cheek. I felt sobs building in my chest. Not now, I told myself, not when I was about to have the sweetest release I'd ever had in my whole life.

Quickly, Roy left my side. When he came back to lay beside me, he had the oil bottle in his hand.

I watched him pour it over his fingers, making them slick.

Reaching down between my legs, he rubbed it over my entrance and inserted a finger inside me.

Brows tensing, my hips jerked and a loud gasp rushed out of me.

He inserted another finger and prodded inside me.

I jerked and gasped again. Was it possible to climax this way, I wondered? It felt exquisite. "Roy, I-I'm, damn, you better not do that anymore."

Roy chuckled and climbed on top of me. Leaning down, he claimed my mouth, his tongue penetrating and dancing along my teeth.

I hungrily kissed him back, feeling the pressure of his stomach sending shivers through me.

Putting his leg between mine, Roy spread me open and dropped down.

I felt his erection at my entrance, teasing me with the promise of being filled, finally. I thrust my hips quickly, trying to force him inside.

Roy lifted his head and touched his index finger to the tip of my nose. "Shh . . . slow down."

I was panting again. I only nodded and tried desperately to do what he asked of me.

"Ed, look at me."

I gazed up at him.

He drove inside me, hard and smooth.

I cried out. My climax surged forward, relentless, pounding my insides with its furious waves of pleasure. My hips bucked and jerked as friction ground down on my length, feeding each surge of seed pulsing out between us. It continued on and on until I was utterly and completely spent of every drop I had to release.

Roy pumped inside me, clutching my sides, digging his nails into my skin.

I could hear his breath hitching in my ears.

Gasping, he drove in hard and held it, his body growing rigid over mine, his erection erupting into spasms inside of me.

I held on tight to him, feeling every part of him release. As it slowed, I began to kiss every part of him I could find, over and over, saying those words, over and over. "I love you, I love you, I love you."