Gold and Charcoal

Gold and Charcoal
Chapter 11
Reflections

Edward marched down the hall, mind in turmoil. He didn’t know where to begin to make sense of everything that clouded his mind. He hated feeling this way, too full of emotions he struggled to name and explain. He was furious, he was devastated, he was guilty, he was scared, he was shocked, he was - just, everything. There was one thing that was clear, written in big, bold and flashing letters all over his heart, and that was the pain. Edward wanted to say that pain was because Alphonse had betrayed him, but he knew that he was the traitor. Al had always understood his suspicions, accepting his slightly exaggerated protectiveness with good nature. But now Edward had pushed it too far, dipping into possessiveness and violent jealousy. Did that make Edward like him? Yes, it did. He’d done just the same, treating Alphonse as property.

Al may have been naïve and kind but he was not an idiot. He could make his own decisions and stand up for himself. What kind of stupid idea had it been, to think Al would turn on him to the profit of some mongrel? They were brothers, close like twins. Nobody could break their bond. Nobody but himself. Yeah, that had been absolutely brilliant, to be the one to shatter Alphonse’s trust in him.

I don’t want to call you my brother right now.

What had he done? He hadn’t meant to upset Al. Of course, if he had thought about it, he would have realized just how bad of an idea it was. Damnit, why couldn’t he ever think rationally? Edward was quick to anger and, with him, anger usually translated to a spur of incoherent rage and an attempt to throttle somebody. He should have learned to restrain himself, instead of relying on Al to hold him back by the collar. He hadn’t ever bothered to try.

And now…now…what if Alphonse never wanted to take him back? What if Al never trusted him again? Panic rose in the back of his mind and it was hard to fight it down. He wanted to be rational for once, right? Well he had to start by NOT panicking and thinking this over.

Okay. Alphonse was angry because he had beaten up Roy for no good reason. But once the mongrel recovered – because he would recover, right? He had to. Roy was like a cockroach, he wouldn’t die even if stepped upon a few times. Okay. Roy was going to recover, for sure. No doubt. Yeah. So then…then…then Edward would just have to go back and apologize. He was sorry. He was really, really sorry. He’d swear not to touch the damn man again. He could do that. Totally. He would have to explain. He could do that too. Alphonse would understand he had been scared to lose him, right? Al would understand he had just panicked because he didn’t know what he would do without him. His little brother would understand…he would…he had to…

Edward paused to carefully stretch his body. He felt sore all over and his automail port ached. At least he would be able to ask Winry to fix the wire that hung disconnected, he thought, fingers brushing against the lose cable.

The small alchemist left the main corridor, cutting through smaller ones. Hawkeye and Winry owned average quarters - smaller than what the Elric boys had, but enough for two women and a dog – somewhere in this maze.

Edward hadn’t been paying attention to where he was going, just following the familiar path mindlessly and staying close to the wall so nobody blocked his path. When feet came into his vision field, he stopped and looked up with a frown. Whoever was in his way was going to regret it.

It was a strange boy, with wild dark hair, a pale face and limbs of a different color. Usually, Edward would have recoiled in fear and suspicion. Today, he was too crushed to care.

“Get out of my way,” Ed growled.

“I will, if you hand me your coat.”

“What?” Edward’s human hand possessively clenched into the red fabric.

“He’s sick of waiting. Now hand it over, or I’ll have to take it. Orders are orders.” The way the small creature said it, it sounded more like ‘this is a perfect excuse for me to toy with you as much as I want’.

His coat? Ed clenched his hand further. No way. He had lost his mother, his innocence, his limbs and his teacher already, all because of them. What was left? His brother and a coat. And he might just have lost the first because of his stupid, foolish mistake. He wasn’t going to let go of the coat. If that was all he had left, then he would defend it at any price.

Edward clapped his hands together. “I don’t think so. I’m not handing my coat over to anybody.” Blade at the ready, he glared defiance. “Well come on, Wrath. I don’t have all day.”

Ed knew his automail did not move as perfectly as usual, due to the disconnected wire, and he also knew he was still tired from his earlier fight with Roy. But still. There was no fear in the golden gaze he fixed upon Wrath, only hostility. He channeled all of his fears and helpless feelings together, transmuting them into fury and determination.

The sins. It was all their fault. Their fault the boys had lost everything they held dear. Their fault if they did not dare to grow too close to the others - not even Winry - fearing they would then become targets. Their fault Alphonse spent his life in a quasi-depressive state, the sadness never completely lifting from his gaze. Their fault Edward had not heard Alphonse give a true, heartfelt and worry-free laugh for years. Their fault Edward himself could not shake off the paranoia, the constant fear his small world would be shattered at any moment and he would have to fight to death, if only to give his brother a chance to escape.

Their fault he had grown so paranoid he had not been able to see Roy as anything but a potential danger, somebody else who might try take Al away from him. It was good, to have somebody to blame for everything. It might not have been entirely deserved, but that didn’t matter. The only fact that mattered was that he did not have to take all the blame on himself today.

Of course, there was somebody behind the creatures. But he was far, hidden and untouchable, while the sins – while Wrath – was here, just in front of him. Edward did have a supplementary personal grudge against Wrath. This creature, this monster, had been the fall of their teacher. Its existence mocked their failure and laughed at their pain. That smile, that look, it was as if the sin was just begging to be killed. Edward had never killed. He had never truly, seriously wanted to kill in cold blood. Now he did.

Wrath smiled at the human’s reaction and Edward swore he would not smile for long. In an hour, there would be one less sin to worry about. It was about time he got some payback.

-

Alphonse recovered enough to sit up half an hour later. He touched the ground just to feel it shake under his bare feet. He blinked down and waited for the ground to stop moving. Some books clattered to the ground and something crashed in the bathroom.

“Not again,” complained Clara. “We always get several broken legs and arms because of those earthquakes.”

“That was a light one,” answered Al, hiding a yawn behind his automail. “There shouldn’t be much harm done.”

“Oh, there’s probably going to be a few more. I hope it won’t get stronger than this.” The woman started to pack her emergency kit. “I’m going to go back to the clinic and see if anybody got hurt. I’ll be back later.” The white case was closed with a click and the woman strode out the door, thinking of locking it behind her. She was a doctor – that was what the wristband designated her as - but she was also an alchemist.

Roy had perked up at the earthquake. He watched Alphonse clean the mess in the bathroom – a small mirror that had shattered on the hard tiles - and walk around to pick up the fallen books. The blond used alchemy to fix one - its spine had split in two - and moved on. The ground began to move while Alphonse was handing Roy a book that had somehow found its way from the bed shelves to the ground.

Mustang snatched Al’s shirt and pulled him down on the bed. “ Sit.”

It lasted a few seconds, during which more books fell and furniture trembled. Nothing broke this time, but the shake had been stronger. Roy nearly received a book in the face, bringing his arm just in time to block its fall.

It ended, but Roy frowned when Al made a move to stand. “Stay put, there might be others shortly. The books can wait and it’s no use picking them up three times.”

“I guess.” Roy shifted his legs to the right so Al could sit at the bed’s foot and lean on the backrest, left leg hanging down the edge and right one bent over Roy’s ankles, only the foot touching the bed.

While they were silent, there was a third shake, a weaker one. Roy watched the blond’s expression, suddenly not so eager to bring up the subject of Edward’s attitude. It was obvious Alphonse was already brooding over it.

“Do you hate me?”

Al stopped staring at his lap to gaze back at the dark man. “Hate you?”

“For getting in the way,” clarified Roy, although he knew the boy had perfectly understood.

Alphonse averted his eyes and brought up his dangling leg to loosely wrap his right arm around it. “I guess I do resent you, a little. But this is bigger than you. I guess it was time I let him know I can’t stand this. I can’t….I don’t want to see that side of him. I know he’s hurt, but I don’t know how to fix everything.” He brushed his wild hair away and gave a tiny wince when hair caught in the automail joints. “ I’m just so lost. I always have to be the reasonable one, but I’m not wise enough to know how to do things right. I don’t know what we should do about them.”

“You could leave,” suggested Mustang.

“And go where?”

“Anywhere,” the man shrugged. “You have your alchemy. You can find a quiet countryside to rest.”

“We’d be hunted down.”

“Would it be any worst than it is now?” Silence. Roy’s eyes flickered down to his rough hands a moment, wondering if these hands could learn to hold a shotgun to hunt. “I never left the city, because I didn’t know if I could survive out there. But I think I would like to go and figure it out.”

“You’d come with us?”

Mn, did that mean ‘You think we’d force you along?’, ‘You think we want you to come?’ or ‘You’d follow us from your own will?” Unsure, Roy opted for an ambiguous answer served with a mocking smirk.

“Who the hell is going to cook for you two if I don’t? You’d just die.”

“I’ll let you know we survived a whole month in the wild once!”

“You got lost?” wondered Roy aloud.

Al glared, perhaps a little insulted. “No, Sensei sent us there.”

Alphonse began to narrate that incident just as the ground shook a last time.

-

Edward heaved as he took his hands off the ground. There wasn’t much left of the scene. They had broken through the walls, half destroying several living quarters and sending their owners away screaming like terrified preys. They now found themselves fighting half in the garden and half in what remained of the building at their meeting spot. The ground itself had been raised several times by Edward and Wrath and it was now a sport to navigate around the battlefield. Some of the cracks ran so deep it would mean death to fall in one.

Edward’s coat had suffered, but it wasn’t anything he wouldn’t be able to repair. Unlike everything else, the coats were something the boys actually sewed by hand. They didn’t want them to suffer the fate of so many other clothing articles and fall apart.

“Hey, Wrath, still alive?” Edward summoned himself a spear and hopped forward, looking for his enemy. He didn’t care if he was starting to feel exhausted; he was going to finish this fight. He was winning. Wrath was no match for the full measure of Edward’s ire. Pft, this little thing called itself Wrath? Edward was going to give that monster a lesson in anger!

The blond alchemist jumped back to avoid a spear, oddly similar to his own, that had been thrown at him. “Ah! Missed! You can copy, but you can’t match!”

Ed dashed in the direction from whence the attack had come and drove Wrath out of his hiding spot. Already, the sin had another spear handy and they fought, jabbing at each other. For each hit the sin landed, Edward gave back two, drawing blood. The small creature didn’t look so full of itself anymore. In fact it struggled to keep up decent defense against Edward’s repeated assaults. The human was smiling grimly; victory was about to be his, that was clear.

“You guys are going to pay,” snarled Edward, driving the tip of his spear into Wrath’s shoulder. The howl of pain was so satisfying Ed couldn’t repress a feral grin. He was going to take this one down, then he was going to go after Envy, and Lust, and Gluttony, and they were all going to regret picking on them. With them out of the way, things would almost fix themselves. It would be okay. Alphonse would smile to him again, and they’d spend more time in the gardens. They’d go swimming too - even though it was very hard with automail – and they probably would have to teach the mongrel how not to drown himself. That might be fun.

Wrath shoved Edward back and dropped to the ground, trying to raise the ground again. Spikes of earth raced for the blond’s right, meant to destabilize him and send him down into the hole to his left. Ed snorted and dashed directly for the edge, jumping over the gap using his spear as a perch. He skidded in the dry ground, sending more dust in the air. He coughed on the ground a moment before pushing himself back up and clapping his hands, wondering how to end this.

Edward didn’t go after his opponent, because something caught his attention behind him to his right. He spun around, wondering who was dumb enough to wander out here during this fight.

All optimism left Edward when the air cleared enough for him to recognize the two sins walking toward him. A tall lady and a chubby man. Lust and the horror known as Gluttony. It always sent a thrill of fear up Ed’s spine to see Gluttony. Of course, that was true for all the sins, but if he really had to be killed by one of these monsters, he would have preferred anybody to Gluttony. He would even take Envy instead. Dying fighting, even if you were cruelly teased in the end, was infinitely better than dying devoured alive.

There was no way one boy – no matter how brilliant of an alchemist he was - could take on all three of them in his state. Painfully aware of it, Edward still held up his automail blade with a golden glare.

There were no words of warning. Lust came at him, nails extending to be foot-long claws that caught Ed’s shoulder, shredding his layers of clothing and biting his flesh.

“Hey! Fuck you, that’s my coat!” They wouldn’t have it damnit, they wouldn’t!

-

Alphonse described the month of his life in the wilderness with his brother in detail, admitting with a laugh they had often thought they were going to die. There was a bear in particular that seemed to love chasing them whenever they dared to come down to the river for water. It had been the only water source around, so they had learned to dive inside small holes really, really fast, he explained.

“Niisan didn’t complain about his size even once,” smiled Al. “Once, the bear wouldn’t leave for hours, trying to claw us out. Niisan stabbed his paw when he scratched me. He never bothered us after that.”

“It took you three weeks to get rid of one wild animal? Do tell me what you two would do if I didn’t go to watch your back. Honestly.”

“I’d like that. But…” Alphonse bit his lip, his high spirits dying as he remembered the current situation. “Don’t act like that. Like there isn’t a problem and it’s fine to joke around. My brother…that wasn’t right. He almost killed you.”

“He didn’t mean to,” pointed out the man. He couldn’t tell why the hell he was defending Edward. Probably because the torture he saw in Al’s grey eyes did not please him. Yes, Edward had done something very dirty. It was natural that he was punished and sent to angst on his own for a while. But Alphonse shouldn’t have been suffering as well. These children could be so illogical.

“I don’t know.” Alphonse swung himself out of bed, taking a few steps toward the windows. “I didn’t think he would go that far either. I can believe the first time was just a mistake, because he lost his temper, but this time…I don’t know. He had time to get used to you, he shouldn’t have been so irrational. I feel like I don’t understand him anymore.”

Impulsively, Roy reached out to take Al’s hand and tug him back. The movement was not noticed, as the door shook under somebody’s forceful knocking at that precise moment. The short boy jumped to it, knowing there was only one person who could make the door shake like that and that the person in question might break it down if left to knock for too long. The mongrel’s outstretched hand fell back down.

“Yes, General?” It was indeed Armstrong, as tall and freaky as always – at least he wasn’t sparkling right now – holding in his arm a small, unconscious figure. “Niisan!”

Roy had already rolled over, leaving most of the bed free for the injured teenager. Armstrong gently put down Edward. His long hair had come loose, strands of pale gold touched with crimson here and there, and his clothes were torn, showing pale skin marked with superficial wounds. They were superficial, but they were all over his body; clear cuts that reminded Roy of something.

“Lust,” said the dark-haired man. “Lust did that, didn’t she?” With the tip of one finger, he traced the old marks on his own chest. Yes, it had to be her.

Alphonse had thrown himself at Edward, hovering over him without daring to touch his reddened skin. “Niisan? Niisan, do you hear me?” He calmed down a little after he confirmed his brother was breathing steadily, apparently not in any immediate danger. His head then snapped up to the silent soldier. “General, what happened?”

“We are not sure,” the man said shortly. “There was a mighty battle. According to witnesses, Edward was attacked by a smaller boy who used alchemy. It must have been Wrath. But, according to them, your brother had the upper hand, viciously attacking Wrath with a spear and drawing blood.”

“Roy is right,” mused Al, simply ripping away the ruined shirt to run his fingers lightly over his brother’s marred chest. “ This is from Lust. She must have come as backup when Wrath lost. Is he dead? Wrath?” For the first time, Roy heard bloodlust in the boy’s voice. Alphonse would have liked the answer to be yes.

“We found nothing,” answered Armstrong.

“I see.” The younger Elric carefully picked up Edward’s left hand, holding it between his own. “I wonder what they wanted.” He tilted his head then, attention caught by something, and pried Ed’s fingers open. A few shreds of red fabric fell down on the pristine bed, touched here and there with black paint. Al stared at them a moment, then his shoulders sank. “I see. Armstrong, please, could you ask Clara to come over? She left not long ago to check up on a few patients.”

“I already sent word for her.” Armstrong looked very saddened about his next words. “I’m sorry, I must leave. I cannot be seen lingering here at the moment. Please take care. I will try to investigate.”

“No, there’s no need to,” quietly said Al to the large man’s back. “They’ve come for us. That’s all. We knew they would. Please stay out of this.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know. Thank you, General.”

Roy had watched Alphonse’s pale features go even lower on the color chart and reach a ghostly white, as if life had been sucked out of him. His dark gaze traveled back to Edward, seeing a child who had been cruelly beaten. Bruises colored his skin with puddles of purple half covered by still fresh crimson. His automail was broken, little more than a tangle of twisted metal, and Roy wondered if that hurt at all. The cuts all over Edward’s body suggested his coat had been sliced from his body piece by piece during the fight. All that was left of the garment were those few shreds he had kept clenched in his fist. The coat must have meant something very important to him – to them.

Roy caught one of those shreds between two fingers, considering it thoughtfully. “Why was it so important?”

“It was…it was the sign of our teacher.” Those were the only words to escape Al’s throat. He choked on tears and was silent.

Roy didn’t exactly understand but it didn’t matter. Alphonse nearly jumped when a hand reached to hold his, and seemed to need several moments to comprehend that large hand was Mustang’s.

“It’s alright,” lightly said the man to cover his own uneasiness. “ He’s alive, isn’t he? He doesn’t seem in such bad shape. Maybe he even learned his lesson.”

“But they attacked him. They could come for me anytime.”

“Your brother was alone when they cornered him,” countered Roy with logic. “Didn’t you hear Armstrong? He was beating Wrath. It’s just a pity you weren’t there to cover when the enemy reinforcement came. Next time, we’ll be there to watch his back, alright?”

Al nodded, forcing two words past his tight throat. “Thank you.”

Roy didn’t think either of them really believed his words, but as long as they could pretend they did, it would do Alphonse some good. The man squeezed Al’s hand, briefly.

-

“All I can see is a cracked bone in his shoulder. It’s not even broken. Either they went easy on him, or he’s more solid than they thought.”

“Thank you. Is there anything to do?”

“Five days in bed. Keep him there a whole week if you can. He’ll be fine. Here, I’ll leave you some painkillers, he might get headaches.”

“All right.” Alphonse gave a nod to the woman and gestured to the door. “ You better leave.”

Clara gazed sadly at the boy, but she said nothing, gathering her things. “Call me if there’s anything else. And do inform me if he doesn’t wake up in the next twelve hours. I don’t think he has a concussion, but we never know.”

“Of course. Thank you, Clara.”

Roy and Alphonse waited in silence until nightfall. Soon they were taking turns to nod off, according to an unspoken agreement that somebody had to watch over Edward at all time. Alphonse eventually fell asleep for good, collapsed against the edge of the bed. Roy started to feel a little worried, hearing only Al’s breathing. He began to frequently put his hand in front of Ed’s face, checking for breath. So far so good.

Al yawned three hours later, stretching briefly and immediately checking for a pulse in the wrist he had never let go of. “He seems fine…” Alphonse looked at his brother’s calm face and reached out lightly to tickle Edward’s neck. “Niisan? Niisan, wake up. Come on.” He searched his elder’s face for any sign, but found none. He lowered his head and pillowed it on his arm, murmuring, “Please, Niisan…I’m sorry I yelled at you. I’m sorry. Just be all right, okay?”

After several more minutes of miserable silence on Al’s part, Roy cleared his throat. “I think that isn’t the best way to catch his attention.”

“Then what is?”

“Something like this, I think.” Roy leaned sideways to purr in Edward’s ear. “You must be devastated, Shokun. Just when you find somebody smaller than you to fight with, Lust comes along and ruins it. Lust is awfully tall compared to you, but that’s because you are awfully small even beside a grain of rice. Ah yes, pity.” Roy thought he saw a twitch, but that was all. He settled back, thoughtful. “Not even? All right.” He glanced up at the books behind him, reaching for the biggest one and pulling it out with both hands. Yep, this was heavy enough. “Alphonse, stand up.”

“What? Uh, okay.” The boy did, even though he had confusion painted on his face.

“Don’t move,” ordered Roy, leaning over Edward’s limp form to drop the heavy volume on Al’s bare human foot. There was a predictable howl of pain, followed by certain words nobody would have expected from the polite boy’s mouth.

Just as Alphonse was indignantly inquiring what the hell that was for, Edward’s human hand darted for Roy’s throat, clenching hard. Then Ed lifted his eyelids, looking up with automatic hostility at the person who had made Al scream.

Indignation was swiftly forgotten as the shorthaired blond jumped on his brother, pulling at his automail shoulder and pressing their lips together. Roy would have said something, but he was currently trying to get Ed to stop cutting off his air. Even with his human hand, the angry blond had a mean grip. Edward, busy being kissed, soon forgot about Roy. The man managed to get free then, and massaged his throat tiredly, just above the collar. Funny, he did tend to forget about the collar these days. But it was still there. It was a reminder he should not to get too caught in this. It didn’t concern him.

Roy’s first words, when he found his voice again, were; “I thought you two weren’t a couple?”

“We’re not,” said Al breathlessly, breaking the kiss. “Don’t EVER do that again, Niisan,” he scowled to his brother, and then, to Roy’s growing smirk, he added, “And you, shut up.” The smirk only grew larger.

Edward didn’t answer – not verbally at least - but his younger brother paid it no heed while he checked him over and found nothing to worry over. Al bent to play after Ed’s automail, and although Roy did not see what he did exactly, the arm was then unhooked and removed. There were no pained sounds, so removal must not have been painful. It was a little disturbing to look at the hole in the automail port so the man preferred to avert his gaze.

Alphonse left the twisted scrap of metal on the floor by the bed, yawning and rubbing at tired eyes. “I’m dead. You two really need sleep too. But food first, I think. We haven’t eaten for almost an entire day. It’ll be sandwiches. I’m not trying to make anything else.”

Roy and Edward pointedly ignored each other for the whole time Alphonse was away. Roy gladly ate when he was provided with food, but Ed only nipped at his, mind away. The shorter blond hadn’t spoken a single word yet. He only snapped out of it when Al bid them good night.

“Wait…what are you doing?”

“I’ll take the couch. You two need the bed more than I do. I don’t even have a scratch.”

“I don’t want to sleep beside him!” The look Al gave Edward was not all that harsh, but it still made him recoil. His voice dropped and he looked like a child pleading his case to an adult. “I’d rather sleep with you.”

“I’m sleeping on the couch,” was all Alphonse replied.

Although the younger Elric had kissed his elder in relief earlier, now he was giving him the cold treatment. Al didn’t seem to know if it was okay to forgive Edward just because he had also been hurt. Roy could read a ‘you deserved it’ message in his eyes, but it was shadowed with empathy and worry. It certainly wasn’t in Al’s nature to keep grudges and Roy could tell it was already hard on him to do this. The mongrel wanted to tell the boy to let it go already, annoyed at this ridiculous self-inflicted pain, but it probably wasn’t any of his business. He wasn’t their mother, they could figure it out on their own.

The grey-eyed blondie hesitated, looking at them both with suspicion. “If either of you do ANYTHING…I’ll make you regret it badly. Clear?”

Alphonse waited for them to nod before leaving the bedside. He pushed the couches together and transmuted them with a clap, creating a sort of nest on which he threw pillows and covers, sinking in to fall asleep like a log. The earlier transmutation had truly exhausted him.

It had been a while since Roy had slept in a bed. His own back home wasn’t even this comfortable. Still, he didn’t think he would sleep all that well, and it wasn’t because he feared an attack from Edward. He just couldn’t stop thinking about Envy’s threats.

“What would you say if I went back and killed him? I could take your appearance, smile, open my arms and close them to shatter his ribs. Then I would kick him to the ground and step down on his neck, crushing it slowly to watch him suffocate. He would think it was you, betraying him like that. Doesn’t it sound fun?”

Roy wondered, staring at the ceiling, if telling Edward about Envy’s views on Alphonse would be a good move. If the boy could beat up this Wrath, couldn’t he beat Envy too? Then Hughes would be safe.

The dark man looked aside and saw Edward sleeping with his hand clutching the automail port, blocking the hole. Ed’s expression was tense even in slumber, almost frightened. Maybe he was dreaming of his fight. Roy thought better of his previous idea. No, he wouldn’t breathe a word of it to Edward after all. It wasn’t worth it.