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The Sound of Silence	By : ZaKai Category: Fullmetal Alchemist > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 11395 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Full Metal Alchemist, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 11
- 12
- 13
Review Replies:

Bookworm51485: *nods* it is really sad.� It�s unfortunate that people who have been
through things like that can�t trust affection, yet probably need it more than
most.� Hikaru9:� *nods* yeah...
*hugs*� Amethyst-eyed Koneko: *nods* Al is very trusting
of Ed, and, right now, Ed is all he has.�
I think that you�re right when you say it would take a lot for Ed to
push Al away.� kikiko: Yeah, I�ll be glad to be
finished.� Angst-Addict:� *nods*
unfortunately, genuine remorse isn�t always enough to stop people from doing
what they know is wrong :(� MustangsHavoc: Thank you.� I�m sorry that I didn�t have this chapter up
sooner, but here it is.� lily-longstreet: �*nods* I actually agree with you.� I really don�t think that Roy Mustang is the
type of man to abuse a child (this story is being written to explore the
effects of abuse, not to accuse a character of whatever).� Sadly, though, many times when people find
out that someone was abusing a child, they �just couldn�t see *enter name here*
doing that�.� I�ve tried to keep all
public interactions between Ed and Roy (ones where others were present) close
to what you might see in the anime (I almost always reference the anime when I
write), to keep it true to that.� StupefiedNarutard: You�ll find out what happened when Ed
killed Roy in
the next chapter.� Anon: Thank you.� MeLaiya:�
I�m happy to know that you could never relate to something like
this.� I�m sorry I haven�t been able to
update this sooner.� Onyxlight:� Thank you.� stepnahalf: Thank you.��

-

The Sound of Silence

Chapter Eleven

Regret

-

Ed stared
dully out the car window.� It was a warm
summer day, one that was perfect for playing in the park or having a picnic,
but he his mind wasn�t on such pleasantries.�
Instead he was thinking about the research project he�d been assigned to
do, and the time limit he�d been given.�

�That�s a
lot of books,� Hawkeye said conversationally, her voice breaking him from his
thoughts. �

Ed
glanced over to where she was driving.�
�Some of them are for Al,� he confessed, and she nodded.�

It had
been four months since Al had gotten out of the hospital, and his brother still
needed regular doctor appointments.� Al
had a weak disposition and would contract any sickness that was going
around.� He also got tired easily, but
had bursts of energy that left Ed feeling frustrated.�

Al needed
to play.� He needed to go out and work
off some of his energy, but he wasn�t supposed to go outside because he had
such a bad reaction to the summer heat.�
Unfortunately, playing outside at night didn�t happen often either
because Ed refused to let Al out by himself and, since Ed was often busy in the
evenings doing research, he didn�t take the time to go out with Al so that he
could play.�

So, when
Al was at full speed, that often meant him running through the apartment making
all kinds of noise and giving Ed a headache from hell.� His brother would ask him to play with him,
but Ed had such a hard time doing that.�
He just couldn�t find any enjoyment in playing...� Perhaps it had just been too long since he�d
been allowed to do that...

�Well,
that�s nice of you to check those books out for him,� the lieutenant said,
disrupting his thoughts yet again.

�Yeah,
well, it keeps him occupied, and it keeps the State off my back for not sending
him to school.�� Ed snorted.� �Like he needs to go�he�s smarter than all
the other kids his age, probably smarter than the teachers too.� It would just bore the hell out of him.��

Hawkeye
nodded and pulled up next to his apartment.�
�Thanks for driving me,� he said as he gathered up the books and folders
before letting himself out of the car.�
Hawkeye came around the car and took what books he couldn�t carry and
followed him into the apartment building and to the door where he was carefully
juggling the books in his hands while trying to fish his keys from his
pocket.�

�Why not
just knock on the door and have Al open it for you?� Hawkeye suggested.

Ed shook
his head firmly as he finally extracted the keys from his pants.� �No.�
He�s not supposed to open the door for anyone,� Ed explained.

�Not even
you?� the woman asked with a slight tease in her voice.

He turned
his head and gave her a flat stare.� �Not
even for me,� he answered.� Ed sometimes
took Al with him when he went to the library, or when he had to go to
headquarters�he didn�t like leaving Al alone�but taking him wasn�t always an
option, so Ed did the best he could to keep Al safe.� And sometimes that meant giving him strict
instructions not to open the door for anyone, even himself.�

�What if
you lose your key?� Hawkeye asked.

Ed deftly
unlocked the door, then muttered, �Then I�ll break it
down with alchemy.�� He stumbled inside, then shouted, �Al!�
I�m home!�

A small
commotion from his brother�s room met his ears, then an excited, �Brother!� sounded
as Al rushed down the hall toward him.

�You�re
not supposed to be running,� Ed scolded irritably.

�Ooops, sorry!� Al said quickly, not sounding
sorry in the least, then asked eagerly, �What books
did you bring me?�

Ed
scowled, then set the books down on the table and pointed at three heavy
texts.� �You think you can have these
read in a week?� he asked in a slightly lighter voice.� It was a stupid question.� Of course Al could have them read by that
time, the kid was fucking brilliant.

�Sure!�
Al said with a big grin as he studied the titles.� When he saw the subject matter, Al made a
small squealing noise, turned, and threw his arms around Ed.� �These are perfect!� Thanks, brother!�

�Don�t do
that!� Ed snapped instantly and pushed Al away with a hard shove.� �You know I don�t like you touching me!�

The boy�s
smile was instantly gone.� His eyes
widened and he quickly backed away before looking down at the floor.� �I�m... I�m sorry, brother... I forgot
because I was so happy.� Please don�t be
mad...� Al pleaded with a small whine to his voice.

Ed
pressed his fingers against his forehead as he felt a headache coming on.� �How can I not be mad, Al?� Ed snapped.� �You�re always doing things that I tell you
not to do!� Jeez, do you like making my life miserable or
something?� he asked impatiently.�

�I�m
sorry, brother...� the boy whined, then clasped his hands together and slouched
back against the wall.

Ed
frowned.� Why was Al always acting so
childish?� Why did he always do things
that Ed told him not to do?� He couldn�t
remember Al being like this when they were kids...� �Stop apologizing.� I told you before you don�t have anything to
apologize for,� Ed growled and rubbed his fingers against his forehead, trying
to stave off the headache.

�I
know... I�m sorry...� Al pleaded and cringed when Ed glared at him.� �I mean... I won�t do it again,� Al amended
quickly, then gave Ed a small smile as if that would
make everything fine again.

�Just
take your fucking books and stop bothering me,� Ed snarled angrily.� He wasn�t in the mood to deal with Al�s whining,
and that stupid smile made him feel as if his brother was mocking him in some
way.�

Without a
word, Al rushed to the table and gathered up the three books before hastily
retreating to his bedroom.� After the
door slammed shut, the apartment was left in a heavy silence.� Ed let out a long breath and rubbed at his
eyes.� When was Al going to start acting
more mature?�

�Edward...�� Hawkeye�s voice was hesitant and low.

�What?�
he asked wearily, and turned his head to look at her.� He�d forgotten she was there...

She
studied him silently for a moment, then asked in
concern, �Do you always talk to your brother like that?�

�What do
you mean?� he asked.� Sure, he�d been a
little unhappy with Al, but nothing to make note of.� If Al wasn�t so childish, and if he stopped
screwing up, then he wouldn�t have to scold him so much.

�Your
brother is scared of you...� she said softly with a worried look on her face.

�What?�
he exclaimed in surprise, then laughed it off.�
�No, he�s not.� What are you
talking about?�

�Didn�t
you see it in the way he reacted to you?�
I mean, I really can�t blame him.�
All he did was give you a hug and you started
yelling at him.�

Ed shook
his head and took the books she was holding from her.� �I didn�t yell at him.�

�You
did,� she answered gravely.� �And for something silly, too.� Little kids give hugs.� That�s a natural thing, Edward.�

Is it? he
wondered silently as he put the books on the table.� �I just don�t like it.� I don�t want him to touch me...�� He trailed off, not wanting to explain his
reasoning.� If he didn�t touch Al, and if
Al didn�t touch him, then he couldn�t hurt his brother.� He just tried to stay away from him.� It was better that way.� If he got close then he might do something
bad to him, and he couldn�t chance that.�
He cared for Al too much to do that to him.

�Well,
you may not see it, but I see
it.� I think it would really benefit you
to think about this, Edward.� Children
need love.� They need to be hugged and
played with.�� She paused in thought
before continuing.� �You�re busy, but
this is just work.� Don�t be too busy for
what really matters.�

Ed gave
her a flat stare and raised an eyebrow before saying, �Funny coming from
you...� So you�re telling me not to work now?�

�I don�t
need to tell you to work,� she replied flatly.�
�You do more than enough work� Actually, you probably work too much...�� The lieutenant stared at him for a moment, then sighed before giving him a small smile.� �Just think about it, okay?

Ed tilted
his head and studied her.� Was she
laughing at him or something?� And what
did she mean by saying he worked too much?�
He had to work a lot so that he could make enough money to cover
everything.� The overtime really helped
out a lot...� And, of course, the more
time he spent working, the less time he�d have to screw up with Al...

�Fine,
whatever,� he grumbled.� It wasn�t worth
it to argue with her, and, really, he didn�t want her to think bad of him.� She�d
done so many nice things for him over the years that he wanted her to stay
happy with him.

�Good,�
she said, then walked to the door.� �Don�t do any work tomorrow.� It�s a Saturday.� Spend it doing something fun with your
brother.�

He gave
her a bland look and said, �I don�t think you have the authority to make me
take time off, lieutenant.�

Hawkeye
rolled her eyes slightly, and said with a small note of light sarcasm, �Yes,
sir, major, sir,� before giving him a small salute and letting herself out.

;-;-;-;-;-;-;

Ed sighed
heavily, and leaned back in his chair.�
With a sigh, he rubbed his burning eyes, thinking that he really should
get some sleep.� The assignment he�d been
working on was more than complete, yet he felt compelled to continue working on
it.� Ed was determined to be promoted the
next time he was evaluated.� It wasn�t
the rank that he really cared about; it was the pay raise...

Ed
dropped his hands, frowned, and stared up at the ceiling through the darkness,
thinking about the words Hawkeye had spoken to him yesterday.

He had so
many excuses for working as hard as he did, but really it just came back to one
thing�Alphonse.� When he worked, then he
had an excuse to not spend time with his brother.� He did
love Al, very much, but Ed was also afraid...�
He was afraid of hurting his brother, yet...�

�Your brother is scared of you.�

Hawkeye�s
words burned painfully in his mind.� Was
Al really afraid of him?� Was he too hard
on his brother?� Did he really yell at Al
that much?� They were hard questions to
face, but Ed had given them a lot of thought, and he�d come to the conclusion
that the answer to them all was �yes�...

Ed turned
his gaze to his desk, messy with papers, and let his breath out long and
slow.� The realization hurt him so deeply
that it was as if it were a physical pain.�
Ed may not have been touching Al or hitting him, but in trying so hard
not to do those things, he�d ended up neglecting his brother and pushing him
away.�

Getting
up, Ed walked to his bed, plopped down on his stomach, and closed his
eyes.� He could see Al in his mind, could
see his expression when Hawkeye had been there, and she had been right...� Al had been afraid...

Ed felt a
sharp pain in his chest and gripped the bedding hard.� He�d tried so damn hard not to fuck up, yet
he had anyway.� How could he have been so
blind to it?� I�m so
horrible... he thought dully.� No matter how hard I try, I just end up
being a fuck up, just like Mustang always said I was...

But, what
could he do?� How could he make it
right?� Did this mean that Al hated him
now?� Was there any hope that his
relationship with his brother could be salvaged?� He didn�t want Al to be afraid of him...

Ed
pressed his face into the bed for a moment before turning over onto his
back.� As he tried to decide what to do,
one small tear escaped his eye and trickled slowly back to Ed�s ear then to his
hair.� He�d thought about apologizing,
but those were just words.� Would they
really mean all that much?

Sniffling,
Ed got up and walked out of his room and toward Al�s room.� The door was shut, and, although Alphonse was
supposed to be asleep, a light shone from beneath the door.� He rested his head against the door for a
moment, trying to collect his thoughts, then quietly opened it and stuck his
head inside.

Alphonse
was sitting at his desk with a book open and off to the side.� He would glance over at the book for
reference before writing something on a piece of paper.� Ed glanced around the room and looked at the
papers were taped to the walls bearing arrays his brother had drawn...

�A little
late to be doing that, isn�t it?� Ed said, turning his gaze back to his brother.� He�d spoken quietly, yet his tone might as
well have been a shout because Alphonse stood up quickly, knocking his chair
over, and turned around to face Ed.

�I�m
sorry, brother!� I just... I had this
idea... and... well...� Al stuttered anxiously and
looking anywhere but at Ed.�

Ed felt
shame flood through him.� Now that
Alphonse�s actions had been pointed out to him, he was seeing his brother in a
whole different light.� Suddenly, he
understood him so much better... The boy�s face had a panicked look on it, and
Ed knew that he was trying to come up with an excuse that would stave off the
anger he believed was coming.�

Ed moved
into the room and sat down on Al�s bed.�
�Come here,� he said softly.

Al�s
stammering stopped and fear radiated from his eyes, but he came.� Clasping his hands in front of his body, Al
threaded and unthreaded his fingers and looked down at the floor.

Swallowing
hard, Ed said, �Al?�� His brother�s
shoulders hunched in, but he said nothing.�
�Look at me... please?�� Slowly,
Al�s head rose to stare at Ed with liquid eyes.�
�Al...� Ed croaked.�

�I�m
sorry...� Al said in a shaking voice.�

Ed
glanced down for a moment, then looked up and said quietly, �No...� I�m the one who�s sorry, Al...�� The boy�s eyes widened in a way that made it
hurt to breath.� �I... I yell at you a
lot, don�t I?� Ed asked shamefully.� Al cast
his eyes about, as if unsure what the best response would be, then finally
settled on a small nod.

�I�m so
sorry, Al,� Ed repeated.� �I...�� He what?�
Nothing he said could change the past.�
Words were nice, but they were hollow if he didn�t do anything to back
them up.� �I�m going to try not to yell
at you so much, and... I�ll try to spend more time with you, okay?�

The
response he got from Al made him feel lower than dirt.� Instead of responding with disbelief or
accusations�which, in a way, would have been easier to deal with�his brother
smiled broadly and said, �Okay!!�� In his
enthusiasm, Al wrapped his arms around Ed and gave him a big hug, but quickly
let go and stepped back.� �I�m sorry!� Al
cried in dismay.� �I didn�t mean to mess
up again!�

Ed felt
tears come to his eyes and slowly reached out and grabbed a hold of Al.� Pulling him close, Ed held his brother
tightly.� He was so disgusted with himself,
with what he�d become.� His brother was
so sweet and adoring, and Ed knew that he didn�t deserve the unconditional love
his brother seemed to have for him.�

�I�ll
try... I�ll try really hard,� Ed breathed through his tears.� He felt as though he could hold onto Al
forever, but he didn�t.� Instead, he let
go and watched his brother step away from him slightly.� Al frowned deeply before reaching up and
touching one of the tears on Ed�s cheeks.�

�Brother...�
Al began, but Ed cut him off.

�Don�t
worry about me, Al.� I�ll be fine.�� He didn�t feel fine.� He felt numb and worthless, and so very
alone, but he wasn�t going to tell that to Al.�
His brother deserved some peace of mind.

�Now,� Ed
said in a more businesslike manner.� �I
think it�s time for you to sleep.�

�Do you
want to see my array first, brother?� Al asked eagerly.

�How
about you show it to me tomorrow?� Ed suggested, and stood up.� Al stuck his bottom lip out in a small pout,
but didn�t argue.� Instead, he crawled
into bed and gave Ed a smile.� Ed
returned the smile with a small one of his own before tucking the boy in.

�Goodnight,
brother!� Al said happily, then yawned widely.

Ed gave
his brother a fond look, then said softly, �Goodnight, Al,� before turning off
the light and shutting the door.

;-;-;-;-;-;-;

Ed opened
his eyes and sighed heavily.� He wasn�t
sure how long he�d been trying to sleep, but it felt like hours.� He was tired, yet with all the thoughts
bouncing around in his mind, he couldn�t seem to fall asleep.�

Despite
the fact that he�d apologized to Al, he couldn�t seem to keep Hawkeye�s words
out of his mind.� It hurt knowing that
he�d been so blind to his brother�s pain.�
Ed had never wanted to hurt Al; in fact, that�s the last thing he would
ever want to do.� Yet he had...

He felt
like such a failure.� How could he have
not noticed?� Why had it taken someone
else to point out what should have been so plain?� Why did Al still smile at him when he�d made
his life so miserable?� Why didn�t Al
hate him like he hated Mustang?

Ed turned
on his back, kicked the sheet off, and scowled.�
And why was it so damn hot?!� He
felt a bead of sweat trickle down from his forehead to his pillow.� Growling, Ed got out of bed, and, as he
started for the bedroom door, tripped on the comforter that he�d kicked off the
bed hours ago.�

Swearing,
Ed untangled his feet from the blanket and headed out to check on the air
conditioning unit.� It was an old piece
of junk and after Ed banged on it a couple of times, he heard the unit respond
and soon cool air was flowing out of the vents.�

He
grunted and started back, then stopped and opened the door to Al�s room to
check him.� Even after all the banging
and swearing, he was still asleep.� Ed
shook his head and quietly shut the door, but instead of heading back to his
room immediately, Ed rested his forehead lightly on the door and closed his
eyes.

Maybe he
wasn�t cut out for this whole �parenting� thing...� Right now Ed was determined to change, but
what about tomorrow, or next week, or next month?� What if he didn�t change?� Ed turned and started back toward his room,
his mind heavy with his thoughts, and when he walked into his bedroom, he
stopped and stared dully at the bed.

He�d
tossed and turned so long that he really didn�t want to be in bed...� Ed glanced at his desk and realized that he
really didn�t want to work either.� No,
what he really needed right now was to just get out, go for a walk, and think.� Perhaps that would help clear his mind.�

Quickly
slipping on his pants, Ed tucked in his tank top before hurriedly putting his
hair up in a high pony tail.� He grabbed
his keys, checked on Al one more time, then headed out.� Locking the door, he started down the
sidewalk.� Al would be fine for a little
while without him; he was asleep anyway, and Ed just needed to move.�

It didn�t
take long for his mind to return to his earlier thoughts about Al; in fact,
that was mostly what he�d thought about for the last couple of days if he
wasn�t focused on work.� Ed tried to think
back, tried to figure out when he�d started yelling at his brother and when
he�d started trying to distance himself, but he couldn�t remember.

Ed kicked
at a rock and watched blankly as it raced down the dimly lit sidewalk.� He�d really let Al down.� His heart sank as he thought about how
horrible he�d been to his brother over the past months.� One of the worst parts about it for Ed was
that he hadn�t even realized he�d been doing it...�

Over and
over, Ed had told himself that he was ignoring Al to protect him, and he
was.� He�d really, truly, believed that
he was protecting his brother, but the yelling... the mean words... Those
hadn�t been for Al�s benefit at all...�
Sometimes, Ed just felt so angry,
and Al had been the most convenient source to vent it at.�

Al didn�t
fight back.� He didn�t yell back.� He just took it.

Ed turned
a corner and stared shamefully down at the sidewalk as he walked.� It was only now that he was taking the time
to think about it that it made any sense.�
He�d really been an ass.� He�d
been a real bastard to his own brother...

What kind of a worthless excuse
for a human being treats some poor little kid like that? Ed thought to himself.� He felt so much self-disgust and self-hate as
he realized that by yelling at Al and exercising the �power� he had over the
boy, it had made him feel slightly vindicated.�
The thought that Al had been misbehaving on purpose and Ed was only
doing what was best had seemed to justify his actions at the time.

He didn�t
feel so justified now.

Ed stopped
suddenly, and blinked when he realized where he was.� He hadn�t meant to come here...� He�d just meant to get out and think about
his problems dealing with his brother and perhaps even how to fix them.�

Ed�s eyes
scanned the windows of the nice apartment building as if of their own will.� When he realized the light was on at
Mustang�s apartment, he nervously chewed on his bottom lip.� He debated on what to do.� He didn�t really want to see Mustang right
now, but he felt sort of drawn to see him anyway.� Perhaps that was normal since he�d often gone
to see Mustang at night...� Ed smirked
mirthlessly.� Maybe he should try yelling
at Mustang instead.� That�s who he was
really mad at anyway...

His mind
prodded him to turn around and just go home, but Ed�s feet didn�t listen.� Instead, he continued forward and let himself
into the foyer.� The air conditioning hit
him almost immediately and Ed let out a sigh of relief.� He looked around as he walked toward the
elevator and thought about how nice the place was compared to the one the
colonel had lived in when he�d been stationed in the East.� In fact, it was much nicer than the one he
and Al were living in...� But then,
that�s why Mustang had been living in that dump back east, right?� So that he could get a nice place when he
came back to Central...

Ed pushed
the button to call the elevator and waited.�
What the hell am I doing? he wondered, staring nervously at the elevator doors.� He hadn�t been to Mustang�s place since Al
was in the hospital four months before.�
There had been no need.� The man
didn�t have anything to offer or to hang over his head anymore.� Even those times when he needed to be at
Central Headquarters, they saw each other rarely; Ed generally avoided Mustang
like the plague.

The
elevator opened and Ed stepped inside.�
He stared at the numbered buttons before hesitantly choosing one.� He�d only been here a few times before.� Though normally it would be easy to remember
such a simple thing as a floor number, when Ed had come here before, so much
had been going on...� Al had just woken
and Ed had been trying to find them a place to live along with a lot of other
things.

Ed
reached up and wiped his forehead as he waited in the elevator.� When the elevator reached the desired floor,
Ed stepped out and started walking down the hall.� He stopped in front of Mustang�s door and
stared dully at it, again wondering what he was doing there.�

He felt
so miserable right now.� This was
probably the worst place he could go...�
Intending on going back to the elevator, Ed knocked softly on the door
and waited.� A moment later, the sound of
the door unlocking met his ears, and it opened slowly to reveal the colonel looking
at him in mild shock.

�Hey,� Ed
said quietly, then stuffed his hands in his pockets in
a self-conscious gesture.�

�Well...
this is certainly a surprise...� the colonel murmured and tapped his fingers
silently on the door.� Ed thought Mustang
seemed a little uncomfortable at having him show up like this.� Feeling even more unsure, Ed looked down at
his shoes.� He felt awkward at showing up
so unexpectedly on the man�s doorstep, and he had the strong urge to turn
around and run away.

A
movement caught his eye and Ed lifted his head slightly to see the door opening
wider and Mustang stepping back out of the way.�
His heart pounded in his chest and he licked his lips nervously.� The invitation to come in had been offered.

Ed
tightened his fists in his pockets and lifted his head to look at Mustang.� The man was staring at him with a bland
curiosity that did nothing to ease his anxiety.�
Taking a deep breath, Ed moved inside and glanced at Mustang when he
shut the door.

There was
a moment of uncomfortable silence between them, then Mustang
said, �I�m out of soda.� I have coffee,
or beer.�

Ed
frowned. �Despite the fact that it was
cool in Mustang�s apartment, it was a rather warm night and, having just been
out in it, he really wasn�t in the mood for something hot.� The alternative, though, was something he�d
never had before; nothing he�d ever even wanted before.� He supposed he could ask for water, but...

�Beer is
fine, I guess,� he answered slowly.�

Mustang
nodded and made his way to the kitchen.�
�Just make yourself at home,� the man said in
an offhand manner.� Ed shrugged his
shoulders, trying to get the tension to go away, then walked into the living
room, and plopped himself down on the couch; a new thing, not that old piece of
shit the colonel had owned before.� In
fact, all of Mustang�s furniture was new.�
Ed supposed that had been part of his plan...

A moment
later the colonel appeared with two bottles of beer and handed one to Ed.� Instead of sitting on the couch like Ed had
supposed he would, Mustang glanced uneasily at it before walking over and
taking a seat in one of the stuffed chairs across from the couch.� Ed watched Mustang sit, then breathed a small
sigh of relief�confused relief, but relief all the same.

The
colonel took a drink from his bottle, then motioned at
Ed to do the same.� Slowly, Ed looked
down at the bottle in his hands.� He�d
never been offered alcohol before, and he�d never really wanted any either.� Ed brought the bottle up, sniffed at it, and
frowned.� It smelled like Mustang, though
he supposed it would be more correct to say that Mustang always smelled like
this.� He rubbed his thumb nervously
along the smooth glass, wiping away some of the condensation, then glanced up
to see the colonel watching him.� With a
sigh, he brought the bottle up to his lips and tentatively took a sip.� He�d asked for the beer and he didn�t want to
deal with anything Mustang might have to say about him not drinking it.� The liquid was cold, but the taste was...
well, it wasn�t all that great, but it wasn�t all that bad either...

�So... to
what do I owe the honor of your presence tonight?� Mustang asked softly, then took a drink.

Ed
shrugged and took another hesitant sip. ��I was in the neighborhood,� he lied uneasily.

�I see,�
Mustang murmured, though Ed had a feeling that the man
didn�t really believe him.� Ed took a
long drink of the beer, trying to do something to ward off the nervous feeling
he had.� �I don�t see you much anymore,�
Mustang said after taking a long pull on his own bottle.

�Ah...
yeah... well...� Ed stammered.� �I�ve
been sort of busy...� You know, with work
and Al and all...� �He looked down at his
bottle and took another sip.�

�Your research
is very good.� I think you�ll find
yourself a rank higher come your evaluation,� Ed heard Mustang say, and he
couldn�t help feeling a bit pleased.�
Mustang rarely complimented him on anything, and he hated to admit it,
but it made him feel all warm and tingly inside.

Ed
blinked and looked at the half finished bottle.�
Or perhaps it was the beer that was making him feel warm and tingly.� He tried to remember everything he could
about alcohol, but mostly it was the compounds and formulas, not the effects it
had on a person...

�How�s
your brother?�

Ed looked
up.� �Huh?� he asked stupidly.

Mustang
looked slightly put out at having to repeat himself, but said, �Your
brother.� How is he?�

Ed took
another sip as he thought.� He�d managed
not to think about Al since he�d gotten here, but now...� �He�s... fine...� Ed said quietly, then took another long drink.� When there was no response from the colonel,
Ed glanced up and saw Mustang looking at him thoughtfully.� �What?� Ed snapped defensively.� He felt as thought the man could see right
through him and knew all of the ugliness that was within him.

Instead
of saying anything, Mustang got up and walked to the kitchen.� Ed swallowed hard, then
nervously took another drink.� Pulling
the bottle away from his mouth, Ed realized there was only one more swallow
left.� When had he drunk the whole thing?� Shrugging, Ed downed the last of it, then tapped his fingers anxiously against the glass.�

Where was
this leading?� Why was he here
anyway?� Maybe he should just leave... Ed
knew this couldn�t go anywhere good.�
Part of him felt revulsion at the fact that he was voluntarily here in
Mustang�s apartment.� Another part of him
felt like a lost and lonely child who was searching for something, but didn�t
know what.�

Ed
brought the bottle to his lips before remembering it was empty and sighed.� His body was beginning to feel sort of heavy
and he felt small tingles along his skin and inside.� It kind of felt nice, relaxing in a way, yet
it was getting hard to sort his thoughts out clearly.� Everything was starting to seem jumbled and
it was difficult to pick out the thoughts that he wanted to focus on.

A moment
later, Mustang walked out and held another bottle out to him.� Ed stared uncomprehendingly at it for a
moment, then looked at Mustang.� �I just had one...� he said slowly, then
frowned.� Was it just him, or had the way
he said that sounded a little... off?

�It
looked like you could use another one,� Mustang murmured softly, and eyed him
with a gaze that seemed a little predatory.�
Hesitantly, Ed took it and watched as the colonel relieved him of his
old bottle and headed back to the kitchen to throw it away.� He sighed and took a small sip from the new
bottle.� He supposed the alcohol was
helping.� He didn�t feel nearly as tense
as he had when he�d gotten here.

Mustang
walked back into the room and, instead of returning to his chair, sat down
beside Ed and said in a soft tone, �What�s bothering you?�

�What do you
mean?� Ed asked nervously.� Mustang took
a sip of his beer and raised an eyebrow, but didn�t say anything.� Ed looked away and took a long drink from the
bottle as he tried to sort things out in his mind.� He didn�t want to tell Mustang what was going
on between him and Al.� Mustang didn�t
deserve to know.� He didn�t want Mustang
in his life, and he didn�t want to even speak to the man about his brother.�

Firmly
deciding not to tell Mustang anything, Ed said, �I think Al hates me.�� He stopped and swallowed hard, feeling tears
prick at his eyes.� Why had he said
that?� Hadn�t he decided he wasn�t going
to talk about Al?�

When he
felt a small touch on his back, Ed cringed a little.� Not this...�
He shrugged his shoulder a little, trying to rid himself of the unwanted
affection, but it didn�t work.� Instead,
Mustang began gently rubbing his back.

�You can
tell me, Ed,� Mustang said softly.�

�No, I
can�t,� Ed said in a small voice before taking another swallow of his
drink.� �I can�t tell anyone...�� He stared down at the bottle in his
hands.� It was a little blurry and he
reached up to rub at his eyes. �Stupid tears, Ed thought, then blinked in surprise when there was no moisture on his
hand.� When he looked at the bottle
again, it was still blurry, and Ed frowned deeply.� This wasn�t right...

Mustang
scooted over a little until their legs were touching, and wrapped his arm
completely around Ed�s shoulders before pulling him close.� �Did you touch your brother, Ed,� the man
whispered in his ear.� Ed flinched and
tried to pull away, but Mustang held him firm.�
�You did, didn�t you?�

His
vision became even blurrier and this time Ed knew it was from tears.� How did Mustang know about that?� Had Al told him?� He didn�t think so.� He didn�t think Al had even been near
Mustang.� That was something he�d been
very adamant about.� Mustang and Al were not to be together�not ever.

�Oh,
Ed...� Mustang said softly before kissing him on his temple.� �You can�t hide it from me.� I know you better than you think.� You and me, we�re the same.�

�No!� Ed
cried and again tried to pull away, but with the quick movement the room spun
in his vision, making him feel a little sick to his stomach.

�Ed...�
Mustang said in a voice that Ed figured was supposed to be comforting, but only
served to make him feel worse.� The tone
was one that made him feel like a little boy, like before, like...� �Just relax.�
I�m not going to tell anyone.�

A small
sob broke from him and he said, �I need to go...�� He couldn�t stay here.� Nothing was right. �He felt all numb and fuzzy, and he couldn�t
seem to think straight.� He tried to get
up, but was held in place and he felt the hand holding the beer moved toward
his face.

�Have
another drink, Ed.� It will make you feel
better,� Mustang said soothingly.� Ed
stared blankly down at the more than half empty bottle.� Would it really help?� Was it helping?� �Go on,� the colonel whispered, guiding the
bottle up to Ed�s lips.� Slowly, Ed took
a swallow, then another.� �Drink it all,�
Mustang urged.� Ed squeezed his eyes shut
as he gulped down the rest and felt a tear trickle slowly down his cheek.

Finally
pulling the empty bottle away from his mouth, Ed gasped for breath and groaned
before putting his head in-between his knees.�
He felt a little sick and let the bottle drop from his hand onto the
floor.� The world around him spun and he
closed his eyes, trying to make it stop, but it did no good.

�I... I
think... I need to take a piss...� Ed half muttered, half groaned.� He felt more than saw Mustang stand up beside
him, then he was pulled up onto his feet.� He felt unsteady, but the colonel held onto
him and guided him down the hall.� When
they reached a door, Ed shrugged Mustang off only to nearly fall as he stumbled
through the door.� He felt arms wrap
around him, keeping him from falling before he felt himself being pushed toward
the toilet.� Ed fumbled at his belt, but
his hands were moved away and he felt Mustang quickly undoing the buckle and
pulling down his pants.

�Go
away,� Ed said in a voice that sounded too slurred in his ears.� �I can do this by myself.�� But even as he said it, Ed wasn�t able to
wait for Mustang to leave.� He�d never
had to pee so bad in his life!� Normally, he could drink lots of water or
anything else and be just fine for hours...

Mustang
held him up as he relieved himself and when he was done, Ed tried to reach down
to pull up his pants, but Mustang held him still.� �Tell me, Ed,� the colonel said.� �How did it happen?�

�Huh?� Ed
asked in confusion.� He felt sick and all
he wanted to do was lie down, curl up in a ball, and go to sleep.� If he stood much longer, Ed thought he�d have
to throw up.� Again he tried to pull up
his pants, but had no success with getting Mustang to let him bend over.� He felt himself being dragged out of the bathroom
and he tried to get his footing, but kept tripping over his pants.� When they were in the hall, he mumbled, �I
need to lay down or I�m ganna
be sick...��

Suddenly
the hands holding him up were gone and Ed fell heavily to the floor.� Moaning, at the pain from the ungraceful
landing, Ed rolled onto his side and curled up into a ball.� He vaguely wondered if he should try crawling
back to the bathroom so that he could throw up in the toilet.

A moment
later, Ed was grabbed and turned onto his back.�
The hall rolled with him, but didn�t stop turning when he did.� Ed watched blearily as Mustang crawled beside
him, then began rubbing his stomach.��

�When you
touched your brother, what did you do?� Mustang asked interestedly.� Ed grimaced, then turned his head feeling
shame rise up in him.� His stomach rolled
and he felt even sicker than he had before.

�I didn�t
mean to,� Ed moaned thickly.� He needed
to sleep...� Why wasn�t Mustang letting
him go to sleep?� He felt hands touching
him, felt himself being fondled and kissed, and he
lifted his real hand to wave it away.�
�Don�t...� he pleaded thickly.� �I
don�t want it...�

�Yes, you
do,� Mustang breathed, then ran his tongue along Ed�s ear.

�No... stop...� Ed whined, then finally
dropped his arm, unable to keep it up any longer.� His body felt so strangely heavy and
warm.� His eyes closed, but fluttered
open when he felt Mustang enter him.�

�Do you
do this to your brother, Ed?� Mustang asked in a tone Ed couldn�t place.

�No...�
Ed whispered, then felt his body jerk with Mustang�s
force.� �It wasn�t like that... I�m not
like you... I regret...� he slurred, then closed his eyes again.� He couldn�t talk anymore.� He was so tired and numb.� If only he could sleep just a little bit, but
he couldn�t, not with the thrusting and the way his body was rocking and
sliding against the carpet.

Finally
the movement stopped.� He felt Mustang
pull out of him and heard a heavy sigh.�
With the stillness, his mind began to descend into the depths of sleep,
but before he could pass out completely, he heard a quietly somber, �I regret
too, Ed.� I just don�t know how to
stop...��

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The Sound of Silence